I'm off to Monaco on Thursday for work.
I'm being flown in from Nice by helicopter.

Agree with me that this is fucking awesome.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 12:54, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Where's BGB?
Have they killed her?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 12:29, 28 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I went to the Flying Handbag in Blackpool on Saturday night
It was camp as tits. More so, even, than the Ballroom dancing competition that took me to Blackpool in the first place. What preposterously flamboyant activities have you engaged in recently?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 10:16, 68 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Quick question
I donated some money to B3ta a few weeks ago (if you haven't done this recently, you should) and I haven't got any new icons. I did it by direct bank transfer rather than paypal.

I don't want to kick up a fuss, but should I gaz Rob and ask him about my icons?

This weekend I received a big pile of new DVDs, almost all of which starred Denzel Washington. So answer me this b3ta, the work of which actor have you recently discovered your DVD collection is criminally lacking in and what have you done about it?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 10:03, 49 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Happy Monday
Well, let's at least try, eh?

Tomorrow is my work Christmas do. (The pub, not the 'delicatessen'.)
This year I have not taken the next day off, as I am confident in my ability to be home by midnight only slightly inebriated.
I'm all about denial at the moment.

What ridiculous demands have you placed upon yourself recently?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 8:09, 92 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am hot and you are cold...
Herro internets, seems very little has changed around here since I left you many moons ago to see the world... So firstly have you donned a backpack and jetted off to get very dirty for a while? and if so regale me with your embellished stories of heroism and debauchery for about 30 minutes as my bus will be here quite soon.

In return I will tell you about how I came to lecture a Vietnamese pimp about the value of fair economies
(Is this a good idea? ... Yes this is definitely a good idea, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 7:26, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Huzzah
I have made one of my housemates feel ill after showing her a video of a guys arm snapping during an MMA match, after she complained that I didn't do anything manly. (http://www.cagepotato.com/sickening-arm-snap-video-day-john-gettle-vs-william-kowalski for the video)

What have you done lately that has horrified your peers yet left you proud?
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sun 28 Feb 2010, 21:58, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's my 20th birthday pub crawl in less than a week:
Entertainment for the evening will be provided by my friend Will, who should have known better than to play me at dare poker. At first, I thought I could simply send him off to a random girl with a disgusting/incredibly cheesy chat-up line, and watch him get slapped.

Then I had a brainwave. He's a good looking guy, Will is - over 6' and a regular rugby player. It shows. He is also currently single. My plan is therefore to arm him with a medium strength but still cheesy line, and point him in the direction of a succession of *ahem* undesirable women, then watch them follow him around for the rest of the night.

What lines should I feed him? The need to be cheesy, but still at the level where they have a chance of being accepted.

Best three will be used. Pictures may be provided after the event.
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Sun 28 Feb 2010, 21:42, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

"You took the Jam out of my Doughnut"
I just read Accept are playing in the UK! YAY

Then I read its 1 show in London, without Udo Dirkshneider (Original singer)

I went from High to Low in about 5 seconds.

Whats got you excited, then pissed on your chips, lately?
(kitescreech still here, Sun 28 Feb 2010, 20:23, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What are you putting off doing at the moment?
It's a grey day outside so I don't really feel the need to be outside at the moment, but nor do I want to be inside writing up cases for my portfolio. All morning I've been watching season 3 of Mad men and that's now ended, so I'm tempted to continue with Sopranos or Rescue me. I'm also loving the fact that my flatmates aren't around this weekend, so there's been no doors slamming, only mess that I've made in the kitchen, the bathroom's free for me to use the bath for as long as I want and I was able to do 3 loads of laundry and hang my stuff everywhere to dry - unheard of during the week.
/terribly exciting weekend.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 28 Feb 2010, 16:12, 85 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

As tomorrow is my birthday, but daughter must go back to Uni very, very early -
I'm having my birthday today!
Yay but - my lazy lot expect me to cook a lasagne for tonight's meal. And I haven't had any presents yet.
Anyone want to swap families?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Sun 28 Feb 2010, 15:58, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

for those of you
who hate Bono so much

more fuel to the fire
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Sun 28 Feb 2010, 10:39, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So my friend who has been missing all week
The police have found her car. Unfortunately its at the bottom of a cliff and today will be spent searching the waters for a body. They are also hoping that she may have pushed it over to get rid of it, which I think very unlikely. Bad times.

Question? Its Sunday. Do you have a Sunday roast in your household? What are you having today? I'm having a crispy coated roast chicken with mash and veg.
( Peej, Sun 28 Feb 2010, 10:08, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Anyone know anything about pythons?
So a friend of a friend was house sitting for his grandparents while they were out of town, and decided he should take his pet ball python with him so he could care for it while he was there. He was driving his grandmother's Jeep with the snake tank in the back, and because the suspension is so stiff he noticed that the snake was being bounced all over the place in there.

Being a nice pet owner, he took the snake out of the cage and had it on his arm as he was driving. All was good until his father called him on his cell phone. He held the steering wheel with the hand that had the snake wrapped around it. After a few moments, the snake zipped into the steering column.

Panic ensued.

He tried putting the snake's heat lamp out in the passenger area to lure it out, to no avail. It's been down below freezing for the past two nights, so I'm pretty sure the thing's dead by now. Nonetheless he decided to tear apart the dashboard to retrieve the snake. When he realized he was in over his head, he called me.

My best guess is that the snake went along the heating ducts to the heater core and is nestled in there. To get to the heater core you have to take apart the entire dashboard, including removing the entire steering column, which means disconnecting it down at the rack and pinion under the engine. Unfortunately by the time I got there he had already taken things apart in the extreme, including removing the airbag from the passenger's side. In case you don't know, the airbag happens to be highly explosive.

I tried my best, I really did. But in the end I told him that his best bet was to get the thing towed to a garage and have them do it. As his face fell I couldn't resist any longer. In my best Samuel L. Jackson voice I barked, "I've had it with these mothafuckin' snakes in this mothafuckin' Jeep!"

Somehow he kept from hitting me. I'm not sure how.

Anyway, the question is: how likely is the thing to have shuffled off this mortal coil?
( Wanderer, Sun 28 Feb 2010, 1:02, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's my 7th B3ta birthday!
woo!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 28 Feb 2010, 0:11, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

6 Nations YAY! for me.
6 Nations BOO! for you.

YAY!

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Sat 27 Feb 2010, 17:49, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Well Done Italy!
A deserved win against Scotland, and it's also nice to see that short arsed welsh bloke on the BBC commentary team complaining about France's final kick of the ball in yesterdays game. Tosser.
(Bazongaloid, Sat 27 Feb 2010, 15:43, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Wayne Bridge
Hero, putting Englands world cup team chemistry first

Utter Wuss who needs to Man up.

Discuss. (if you like)
(kitescreech still here, Sat 27 Feb 2010, 11:35, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I can't decide whether to go surfing or not
here are the facts:
I haven't been for ages
it's sunny (at the moment) and would be nice to get out in it
it's fucking cold, particularly in the water
I didn't get in till 3am
the surf is small, and it is only a possibility that it will get better as the tide comes in

what to do!?

had a good gig last night, in a radical break from the norm, the crowd was screaming for more at the end, but we had to stop because the gimp who runs the pub said the neighbours had complained.

what have you been/are you up to?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Sat 27 Feb 2010, 10:58, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I predict it will be very quiet here this weekend.
What is Septic Peg predicting for you?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Sat 27 Feb 2010, 8:32, 29 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've had a really good week this week,
and was really looking forward to the weekend (Bon Jovi tonight, fishing event tomorrow) and I now have a fever and strep throat and can't go to either. Tell me to MTFU, or tell me what's disappointed you lately.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sat 27 Feb 2010, 0:51, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am defying Clendrix's orders
By posting here while we're drinking.

How have you been rebellious today?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 21:22, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Anybody here ever skinned a cat?
Just how many recognized ways are there?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 21:15, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello pickle fans!
Work have finally blocked this site, hence my absence. I'm now posting from my phone as I can't be bothered turning on the laptop.

Who missed me the most?
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 19:35, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

As you lot seem to read the guardian a lot you may be able to answer this
Tim Dowling is giving a lecture where I work on Monday.

Worth going to?
( Peej, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 17:01, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yippee
nearly beer o'clock - have a good one all!
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 16:37, 41 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This is a goodun.
My mate described a local politician as "The sort of bloke who would give laxatives to guide dogs". That will now be my sig.

Any descriptions you are particularly fond of?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 16:36, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)