I was just wondering, is anyone here a member of the Melton Mowbray Pork Pie Association?
I'd like to join, probably or something
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 0:02, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

A question
Mr Bin and I have been thinking about joining one of these online film rental things.
So we are both on our laptops looking to see what we can find. He's on Safari and I'm on Firefox. He is on a macbook pro and I am on a macbook. (no mac flaming please).

He says "Lovefilm.com are expensive, their cheapest deal is £10" "No", I say, "I'm on their site and they do one at £4"

Well try as he might he can't get it to come up with the £4 deal.

Any ideas what's happening?
We've emptied the caches.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sun 5 Oct 2008, 15:38, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning
Well I've been sat in bed reading the papers.
Guess I'd better get up.

What is everyone else doing this windy day?


( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sun 5 Oct 2008, 11:16, 120 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Rather interesting
to have my oldest son posting on here. I've already found out a bit more about his sex life than I really wanted to know, and have seen him make a gaffe or two. (I had a quiet word with him about this today.)

Not sure that I want to blow his cover yet, though, so I'll not reveal his screen name...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Sun 5 Oct 2008, 3:19, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The season of mists and mellow fruitfullness....
Fuck off Mr. Kipling, I've just rejoiced in doing the first crudely drawn windscreen frost cocks of the season on the way back from the pub and the smell of smoke (coal and/ or wood) is in the air from people lighting their fires. How are you lot noticing the change in the weather?
(Oil Slick, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 1:34, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Mobile Telephones and GPS
I'm looking for somebody who knows things about this kind of stuff. Things like whether or not an individual could create a device that uses GPS and have it just work without access to things that only Governments and corporations have access to.

Other than the above I have a few questions I could do with firing at somebody in gaz form.

I've got an idea in my head that may or may not be worth pursuing. Unfortunately I've been unable to find suitable answers using le google.

Even suggestions of literature that might be useful would be appreciated.
( Captain V, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 0:20, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So, er...
I'm embarassed to admit it, but I've been on B3ta waaaaaay too long to not know how to do this. Be gentle.

How do I link to just ONE thread of a QotW response? Like if I want to save my reply to check back later and see if anyone replied to my reply (or replied to the replies that are located inside my reply)? I've seen people say, "Oh, that reminds me of this..." and they then link to just one thread.

Also, how do I know ahead of time if my question is headed to the front page? I've seen plenty of "Edit: thanks for all the votes!" but I can't for the life of me figure out how I can tell if I am a winner or a loser before the question ends!

I'm not an idiot, I promise. I'll give you a cookie if you are nice to me...though, I'm still a bit sick, so I can't guarantee that the cookie will be free from snot and other debris...
(BrainSurgerysFun, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 19:19, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is it just me
Or am is anyone else clicking "I like this" on almost every bloody story?
( Axai is in Montréal, Canada O.o, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 15:07, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good Morning
For some reason my body is not allowing me to sleep any longer this morning, so I thought I'd starts off the HSH thread!

How are we all?


( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 9:37, 70 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Injustice, denial and blame.
I was pondering this week’s QOTW. A lot of the nice things people have done for each other are relatively small in the grand scheme of it (if you believe in such things). Which made me think. Feeling you haven’t so much beat the system but you have at least poked it in the eye can really make your day – little moments where you feel ever so slightly ahead of the game.

Missing trains fascinates me. If I’m on the train sitting waiting for it to trundle off and a group of commuters miss it, if it’s in a busy station there is a very visible and collective reaction of ‘awfirfucksake’ quickly followed by ‘fine, so it’s a ten minute wait, see if I care’. However a lone traveler at a quiet outlying station missing a train becomes a tragedy of epic proportions. Maybe its because there’s usually a much longer wait for the next train, or maybe if your on your own its suddenly ‘your train’ the only hope. One of my favorite Fast Show skits showed a family desperately battering along in holiday attire dragging bags and cases –nothing was ever explained, no resolution was offered, nor required. As much as I could identify with their plight I was also happy to mock.

Aside from the schadenfreude (oh come on – you could be the nicest person alive but there is a certain smug pleasure in sitting on the very train some sad tardy schmuck has just missed. It’s the same as seeing someone in a suit soaked by a lorry rampaging through a puddle).

I used to commute from a wee rural station in Lanark to Glasgow. I’m always late. Maybe not so much late but I tend to cut it finer and finer until finally the luck runs out. There’s another small pleasure – strolling onto a train just as the doors start beeping. “Fuck yeah I’m cool” Although to be honest it was more often a very undignified dash where only the victory steps were strolled. Adults shouldn’t run. Not unless there are trophies involved. Particularly if you are in any way overweight or out of shape or are carrying a bag. You just look like a tit.

Over time I noticed there are three basic types of missed train melodramas.

1. Injustice: “How could this happen?” (The doors are sealed and its pulling away) “Oh no it can’t be true – all is lost” coupled with a look of tragic bewilderment.

2. Denial: “NO! You utter bastard – you DEFINITELY saw me and deliberately left ahead of schedule.” Minor tantrum ensues on platform. Letters of complaint are drafted.

3. Blame: “Oh well fucking done! You knew what time you had to be here and you fucked it up. Can’t even get on a bloody train on time. Well fucking thank you”.

Which brings me to my point. One day I dashed up the escalators to the low level trains at Argyle Street in Glasgow – its it just me or is it odd you descend one escalator then have to go back up another escalator to get to the platform?

I heard the doors beeping as I got to the top of the stair. There was a throng of Denials and a few Blamers in front of me. The doors had started to close. The Injustice brigade had already started looking to each other for some sense to it all. A few had already begun tying yellow ribbons around the benches.

Not today I thought! I pushed through the fallen and bewildered and grabbed the closing doors. They didn’t stop closing.

Fuck.

Determined, I hopped onto the doorstep and for some reason began to Samson style heave the doors apart. Suddenly I was a superhero tearing open an impregnable vault – steel plate ripping apart like paper. The smug brigade on the train mere inches from my face looked at me through the door windows wryly.

“Daft fucker’s missed his train”

But then a marvelous thing – the doors gave up. Folded, or more so unfolded. As I casually stepped into the newly conquered carriage, the doors snapped shut behind, leaving the bewildered and the damned on the platform – excluded and bereft.

In true Glasgow style a bloke casually turned to me and said:

“So how do you get aff mate – through the roof?”

That day I was (slightly) ahead!
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 8:13, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just for the sheer hell of it.
A story...
(GONEism, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 22:12, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Evening classes
Had a look through the courses my local HE college offers to see if there were any courses to become a locksmith. Unfortunately there aren't but I did find all these that look interesting.

Balloon Artistry
AutoCAD
Advanced ECDL modules (ECDL - European computer driving licence)
Networking - Cisco CCNA course
Web design
A cooking course (There are loads of different ones)
Face painting
Photoshop
First Aid
First aid babies and children
Foreign language courses
Sign Language

Still, they're not locksmithing ='[
( Captain V, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 18:19, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Evening all
I made a new sign as I was bored :p


( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:50, 245 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fucking QOTW
I've been crying all morning from them there stories.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:13, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Timetable of upcoming QOTW bashes, part 2
For those of you who missed the announcements, here's a list of upcoming QOTW bashes. The previous list was starting to get a bit long and unwieldy, so I've started a new one. BTW, I've added some links to past QOTW bashes to the previous list.

Sun 5 Oct 2008 - Berkswell - Belmers gig 5th October
Sat 18 Oct 2008 - London - London QOTW OT bash
Fri 24 Oct 2008 - Wakefield - Boss Keloid and Piston_Broke Pay Day Pint
Sat 1 Nov 2008 - Manchester - Northern Bash (This is turning into a big-'un)
Sat 1 Nov 2008 - Leamington Spa - Batman visits the Midlands - Leamington minibash
Sat 22 Nov 2008 - Berkswell - Belmers gig, The brickmakers, Berkswell.
Fri 28 Nov 2008 - London - Take the b3tards drinking(QOTW OT)
Sat 20 Dec 2008 - London - Clendrix & Kaol's Birthday Bash in London
Sat 31 Jan 2009 - York - York QOTW bash
Sat 11 Apr 2009 - Edinburgh - qotw bash, somwhere in Edinburgh (This also seems to be a big-'un)
Fri 8 May 2009 - London - Herr Doktors 'Life Begins' Bash
Wed 20 May 2009 - Cambridge - The 36th Cambridge Real Ale Festival
Fri 17 Jul 2009 - London - Bill is 27.989

EDIT: Added the Wakefield Bash and the May 8 London Bash.

EDIT2: Added loads more bashes

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:54, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fucking hell, I pulled it off!
So, last night, I had the UK invasion over for dinner. Bear in mind I live in a studio apartment - i.e., a glorified bedsit (it has everything except a bedroom) and at the last minute, I invited my boyfriend and his daughter. So, 7 of us for dinner.

The sis in law is a chef, and their house is like a showhouse. My place is a functional, but small apartment but I have the added bonus of a massive patio - big enough for a 4 burner bbq and a big patio table and chair set. Boyf ended up buying me 2 new patio chairs for the event.

I did ribeye steak, corn on the cob, baked potatoes and my "famous" garlic mushrooms, along with salami, cheese, crackers, chips (crisps) and french onion dip as appetizers.

I've never had anyone over for dinner except the boyfriend...once.

And I pulled it off and everyone was stuffed and said it was wonderful.

Sorry, I just had to post about it, 'cos it was ace.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:16, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Star Wars
I need a kingsize Star Wars bed cover for my bed. The missus has kindly agreed to let me have one if I can find one but I can only find a standard double.

Can anyone help?
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:24, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What does your desk look like?
I work in an office and my desk is, to be honest, a tip - I'm expecting a Biohazard sticker to be erected some time soon:



Am I the only one that works in this kind of squalor?
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:56, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just read this...
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/7649876.stm

What a shame - At one point, he tried scaling the outer enclosure himself to get to "Terry", the 11ft (3.3m) saltwater crocodile - he didn't quite manage it.

Little shit
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:23, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning everyone
Thought I'd kick today's thread off.

I'm sitting here at my desk with the mother of all hangovers - the result of showing the new graduates at my place the correct way to imbibe large quantities of cider. *groan*

How is everyone else?



Image edited to reflect the number of delicate souls in here this morning
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 7:23, 413 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

NHS rant
I've seen a few QOTW responses complaining about the NHS. I write today to tell you: DO NOT BITCH ABOUT THE NHS.

Jesus, you guys. You whine because your NHS specs weren't stylish enough? Most private health insurance plans in the US don't even cover vision care!

Wait, what's that? Public health plans? Oh ho ho ho fucking ho.

Do you know what our national health plan here in the US is? I'll tell you.

It is COCK-ARSE-DIDDLY-MINGE-FUCK-ALL.

Do you have health insurance? Great, you may need to make a "co-payment" (usually something on the order of $50/visit to the ER (A&E, casualty, whatever you call it), $30/visit to the doctor, and $10-30/prescription, depending on how much oral sex the drug reps buy for the insurance company executives) and deal with health insurers (a worthless, irredeemable pack of petty jobsworth cunts if there ever was one--actually, that's somewhat disparaging to cunts, and as a great connoisseur of the cunt, I probably ought to find a more fitting pejorative, but this parenthetical has sufficient length (ooh err, missus!) as it is), but you won't break the bank.

Oh, you say that you don't have health insurance? Ho ho ho ho ho! You will please stand still, then, whilst we ram this big fuck-off telephone pole up your arse! Why, no, we didn't remove or disconnect the wires and whatnot first, why do you ask? You needed health care, and we provided it, so you are now, for your information, our bitch. And you will take it like the bitch you are.

I have Type I (insulin-dependent) diabetes. I recently had an acute episode of low blood sugar (hypoglycemia). And I'll admit--I ought to have been more careful and seen it coming. But I didn't, and I returned to consciousness to find an IV in my hand and two EMTs standing over me. This tells me three things: 1) I fucked up very badly, 2) there is virtually no way I will persuade these people not to take me to the hospital, and 3) this will be extremely expensive.

You see, I don't have health insurance--I recently finished grad school, and my student insurance ran out back in August, so I've been going bare since then.

Well, you say, why don't you get health insurance? Because insurers over here are well within their rights (not to mention good sense) to refuse your custom on the grounds that you have a "pre-existing condition." One person I knew got turned down because she'd had a complaint of back pain before. So you can see how diabetes, a notoriously expensive disease, would make a health insurer wary. I'll soon be eligible for a state-sponsored plan that essentially insures the uninsurable, but it doesn't do me a bit of good as to that ER bill.

Oh, and as to what the ER bill will come to? Well, the doctor's bill was about $250, the ambulance bill about $100, and I haven't gotten the hospital bill itself yet, but I'm betting it'll be over $700. That's right, the total bill for my fuck-up will be more than a month's rent here, and I live in a very expensive city.

If you complain about the NHS, or any similar national health-insurance scheme, and they have not, through gross negligence, killed or severely maimed at least one of your close friends or family members, then I will give you two choices. You may 1) spend half a year in the US with a chronic health condition and no insurance and see how you like it, or 2) have me come to your place and STAB YOU IN THE GENITALS. But don't worry. It may be a long wait at A&E, but at least you know you won't spend well over a grand on something that you didn't ask for and didn't have the chance to refuse.

I've no sympathy at all, you ungrateful fuckers.

Nor, for that matter, have I apologies for length. Wankers.

(No, as a matter of fact, I'm not bitter, and twitching like this is just a hobby of mine. Yes. A fucking goddamn hobby. Dick.)
(callombard, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 5:01, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Proposal.
There is a well established "Talk like a pirate day"

Can we have a "Talk like Jeremy Clarkson day"?
uk.youtube.com/watch?v=DMuO-8S_0Wg
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 20:45, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hurray for twin brothers!
They bringed me wagon wheels. Wagon wheels are yummy.
And I cried when I picked them up at the airport 'cos I never thought I'd see him come all the way over here.
When the limo driver went to take one of his bags, he said "no, mate, me mum's in there, I'll carry her". The driver went a lovely puce colour.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 20:19, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

JMG!
Do any of you fuller figured types wish to discuss me, JMG?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 2 Oct 2008, 17:13, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

badongism
Member for 26days, 4 posts on front page in 1 week!!!

Surely thats a record?
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 16:34, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Thanks for all of your thoughts and wishes
My dad passed about an hour ago. My mum was there. I'm at work, but will be going back later this evening - my choice as I'd rather be doing stuff than sitting round crying at the moment.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:56, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Quick question
At what point do you start a new



Thread?

/bored, sat in work, whiling the hours away, wanting a cig.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:37, 243 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Due to the post below
And coz I'm now feeling a little fluffy, here is a little place where all those lovely singletons can meet other lovely singletons for love and high jinx!!!

So if you are single, post your details here and see what happens

Edit: I would have made a little logo and stuff but i don't know how, and i'm supposed to working!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:23, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Excitement over on QOTW!
www.b3ta.com/questions/sexualmisconceptions/post259510

Could love be in the air for 2 of our fellow posters???
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:45, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)