Good morning everyone
Thought I'd kick today's thread off.

I'm sitting here at my desk with the mother of all hangovers - the result of showing the new graduates at my place the correct way to imbibe large quantities of cider. *groan*

How is everyone else?



Image edited to reflect the number of delicate souls in here this morning
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 7:23, 413 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

good morning
I am sleepy, and looking forward to another jolly day at work.

then im going to go and get fall over drunk
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 7:51, Reply)

Morning.
I'm a very happy bunny today.
Roll on hometime!
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 7:54, Reply)

Lusty
Any particular reason for being happy, or is it just the excitement of finishing work for the week?
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 7:56, Reply)

I'm just seeing lots of lovely people this weekend.
Some people from the real world and a B3tan or two.

Also, I get to leave work a bit early today and my evil boss will be on holiday for two whole weeks starting Monday!
:D

How is everyone else?
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 8:05, Reply)

'ning!
Morning all,

I just got off the bus at totally the wrong stop because I wasn't concentrating! Luckily I realized in time but I still looked silly getting off and then running back to get the same bus.
(bill, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 8:18, Reply)

I've just woken up....
.....and already it's been a funny day. I've woken up and nearly fallen in love!

I was watching Bloomberg TV (checking up on the finances) and there was a reporter called "Francine Lacqua". I've never seen such a beautiful lady in all my life!

Why can't I meet women like that as opposed to the fat, spotty chavs in my town centre?!
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 8:18, Reply)

That reminds me
There were some very cute HR graduates last night.

*sound of rubberduck heading towards HR department*
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 8:23, Reply)

There are no hotties in my office.
:(
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 8:28, Reply)

@Lusty
I know of no hotties at all. Hence, I'm reduced to watching the TV!

It sucks....
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 8:29, Reply)

None in mine either
All the hotties live in a building half a mile away on the other side of the site :-(

Still, I like to make as many excuses to go over there as much as possible.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 8:30, Reply)

I know plenty of good looking people
outside of work.
But maybe I'm biased as they're my friends.
Actually no, they're just hot.
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 8:31, Reply)

Oh great!
It's friday, I should be happy and now, I'm frigging depressed!

God bless, B3ta(!)
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 8:33, Reply)

@stig
Why depressed?
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 8:36, Reply)

Being single...
Not knowing any single people, etc.

I hate the dating the game. It's so full of hypocrisy....

I don't know why dating has to be so hard. And don't tell me the old cliche of "It's fun, this way" because it isn't!
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 8:37, Reply)

I wasn't going to say it's fun this way.
Have you tried meeting up with friends who are in relationships and meeting people through them? Or just going up to someone in a bar or something and asking them to go for a drink?
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 8:43, Reply)

@lusty
Don't worry, about me...I'm just letting off steam. Nothing more...
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 8:49, Reply)

I feel like I've been eating towels
Damn you cider and your apply goodness!

*waves at everyone*
*falls over*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 8:53, Reply)

2 and a half bottles of wine
I have no idea why I dont feel bad.

Hurrah for the weekend!
Let's get some serious drinking done!
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 8:57, Reply)

Good Friday to you
I got half way to work this morning and realised I'd forgotten my laptop, so had to go home again for it.

What a fanny.

I hope the day gets better from here.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 8:58, Reply)

I need
water and sleep. Mainly just sleep.

I also have the fan on full blast and it's blown all the papers off my desk :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 8:59, Reply)

Oh well....
...time to start driving to work....see you all in about half an hour. Hopefully, I'll be in a better mood.....
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:00, Reply)

Morning all
Seems like everyone was on the cider last night (good show), am I the only one without a hangover?
I reckon I chucked back nearly a gallon of Perry's last night but feel pretty chipper today.

Were you lot drinking the fizzy stuff?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:03, Reply)

*hangs head*
Yes Pinky. I think I had about 5 1/2 pints which on an empty stomach was bad.

Although I am on my second cup of tea now and feeling a lot more chipper
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:06, Reply)

I've drunk bugger all
for ages, as I've been out gigging most nights.

The upside is that I feel fine in the mornings!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:06, Reply)

TGB
you better be in fine fettle tomorrow!

I'm in Guinness drinking mode.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:06, Reply)

HAPPY FRIDAY!
*does friday dance*
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:09, Reply)

Ooh, the Friday Dance
That's the naked one, isn't it?

*leers*

No? Aw.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:11, Reply)

Morning all.
I've got a small hangover this morning.
It's the price you gotta pay for drinking whisky, I guess.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:11, Reply)

I'm hangover free.
I'm sure tomorrow morning will be a different story though!

Are we dancing naked now?

*jiggles*
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:12, Reply)

Actually
The Friday dance wasn't originally naked but what the hell,
*dances nude*


Edit - I like this new QOTW, I think it'll be a good one.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:13, Reply)

I'll try jim
Uh oh I feel worse again

*attempts sly sleep at desk*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:15, Reply)

TGB
5 1/2 pints aint bad going on an empty stomach.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:16, Reply)

*disrobes*
*joins in dance*

*gets cold*

*shrivels*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:16, Reply)

Morning All
Hello everyone.

How are we all?
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:17, Reply)

Awesomeness:
The script from the 70's that the BBC would've broadcast in case of nuclear war!
news.bbc.co.uk/1/shared/bsp/hi/pdfs/02_10_08nuclearattack.pdf
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:18, Reply)

i have 7 german teenaged boys here
and am attempting to teach them some useful english but i really don't function well at this time of morning. so i've made them write about a film and in a bit i'm going to resort to my old 'Black Books' comprehension trick, where they watch bill bailey making a tit of himself and then answer my questions about it :)
( gypsy turnips, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:18, Reply)

I wish you were my teacher
BB. We only watched Vietnam films at School.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:20, Reply)

'ning all
Sorry to hear some of you are hanging!

I had two lovely pints of Westons Organic, and feel completely fine!

@TheSTig: Don't let being single get to you mate, I'm sure you'll find someone awesome soon, and it'll probably be when you least expect it.

Don't rely on dumb luck though, if you see a hot lady on a night out, do the wedding ring check, and if all is good head over to her for a chat :)

Edit: Sits back and enjoys LVP's naked dance and Lusty's jiggling. All is good in the world.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:20, Reply)

I am now in the
"cold" part of the hangover cycle. I expect a hot phase again soon!

I hate hangovers but I never seem to learn!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:24, Reply)

how depressing, himjim
we only ever seemed to watch films in chemistry classes and i would always get annoyed at how the professor in them always pronounced 'aluminium' in, what i assumed, to be a stupid way. i couldn't fathom how this man was on the telly teaching people the wrong way to say it. i never realised that americans actually pronounced it that way. what a numpty.
( gypsy turnips, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:24, Reply)

Train Book
Off to London tonight!!

Wooo!

*WoopWoopWoop*
*zoidbergs*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:25, Reply)

I'm going to pull my own face off in a minute
If my colleague doesn't stop tapping his feet and muttering a running commentary on every single action he's performing on the computer.

tippety tappety tippety tappety tippety tappety
"And this goes here"
tappety
"And that goes there"
tippety
"32"
tip tap
"and 12"
tippety tappety.


Mnnnnnnnnnnnnng, I cant take it!!!!
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:25, Reply)

BK
What you doing in London? (apart from Zoidberg impressions)
TGB - Hangover temperature control is a tricky one. Yukness in fact!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:27, Reply)

OitP
Stab him.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:28, Reply)

Lab
I'm wondering if Kaol can lend me his nail gun so that I can nail his bastard feet to the floor.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:30, Reply)

Mornig all
I think today may be a struggle. Not because I was drinking last night but because I'm drinking tonight and want to be there now!
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:30, Reply)

@Brixbrux
Science trivia -

The original name of aluminium, given to it by Humphry Davy, was alumium. However, the use of aluminum then became popular, but the IUPAC eventually adopted the spelling aluminium, as it used the -ium ending of many other metals: potassium, sodium etc

However, the aluminum spelling had become commonplace in the US by this point and it stuck.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:31, Reply)

@ Lucy
I'm m3tan a B3tan!

And probably getting drunk on cider.

Aren't you in our fair capital this weekend?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:33, Reply)

They weren't depressing!
I loved watching them - I had to specialise in Vietnam for my GCSEs/A Levels.

What do you do then? @ BB

Now listening to Jimi Hendrix vs. Jay-Z - Voodoo Problems
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:34, Reply)

Oitp
I'm afraid I managed to break the nailgun.

I've got a knife though!
You could half cut the tendons out of his wrists and ankles, then tie 'em together!
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:34, Reply)

k2k6
wooo, thanks to you, i've learned something today!
now i can go back to relaxing my brain :)
( gypsy turnips, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:34, Reply)

@himjim
efl/esol teacher.
i don't like it very much anymore though, so i'm thinking of a career change.
( gypsy turnips, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:35, Reply)

BK
I most certainly am, Mr VP bought me tickets (let's hear a big aaaaaaaaaah for him).

I can just about afford to top up my oyster card to get back to the house and then I'm skint.

But I'm hoping to be able to get back for this mystical bash on the 18th - Is it still going ahead? I can't see anything on the calendar.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:38, Reply)

Morning all
Are we well this fine, sunny morning?

I just found some Irn-Bru on special offer. It's a pretty good start to the day in my opinion.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:38, Reply)

Kaol
Nice idea.
I have an 8" Sami knife, that should do the trick.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:41, Reply)

@ LvP
I don't know now - I may not can afford to do 2 London trips in a month.

I'm going to try and get down again on the 18th.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:41, Reply)

@BB
What you thinking of doing? My career change will take place in 2010, got the foundations laid down already!

Kaol, do you like mushrooms?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:42, Reply)

Jim...
That depends.
Regular, yes, I love 'em.
Magic? Never again thanks.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:43, Reply)

@PoD
I got 4 litres of Bru for £2 yesterday.

I was most pleased.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:46, Reply)

@ K2
Bargain,

and to think I let Lusty violate me yesterday for one can....
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:49, Reply)

Mooornin'!
TGIF and all that!

I had two beers last night, yet I feel like I've been run over by a train today. This displeases me greatly!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:49, Reply)

Awh Ditly,
A sure sign of getting old :p

I smoked too much last night, woke up feeling like a dog had slept in my mouth.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:51, Reply)

@BK
The sacrifices you have to make, eh?

*waves 2l bottle of Irn Bru at wanderlust*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:52, Reply)

@himjim
i have no idea. preferably something with as little pointless paperwork as possible, no major responsibilities and a working day that starts after 11 am. quite the overachiever, me ;)
( gypsy turnips, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:52, Reply)

Oh dear DiT
I had a quiet night at a friends house last night with a bottle of wine, chinese takeaway and the Sex and the City film.

Unlike Mr VP, who went out for "a quiet pint" with a friend of his.
I awoke this morning to this text message,
"I'm Ok. I'm trying to avoid *insert friends name*'s penis. Not doing so well."

:S
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:53, Reply)

Crap
I was having a sly nap at my desk when the phone rang scaring the crap out of me.

*puts phone on silent, resumes nap*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:54, Reply)

Herro all
Hows it going?


I've contacted loads of companies recently trying to arrange prizes for a raffle.

I've had one reply, from ASDA, and they seem keen to help, so a 'woo!' to them!

If anyone knows any companies interested in donating prizes, I'm ready and willing to accept!

I do have ample space for advertising on my limo during the event if they'd prefer/wish also. I already have a couple of B3tan companies happy to advertise, so don't be shy!

So go forth B3tans, make me proud!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:54, Reply)

Morning all
Hope everything is well with all assembled.

Got my first rest day after working 36 hours in 3 days - Woo hoo!!! Have I missed anything in my absence?

Me and the cat are having boundary issues as he's just sat and stared at me in a remarkably sinister manner all the way through my morning poo.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:56, Reply)

Right....
I'm at work. I'm at my desk and still in a bad mood.

Right, what can I get angry at....?
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:57, Reply)

@BB
Go and work a season in France - it's the best time I ever had with the least amount of work!

The Stig - go hit stuff with big bits of wood.

Or tug yourself off with oven gloves on.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 9:59, Reply)

@ Stig
I know who you are!

*starts banter to annoy you*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:00, Reply)

Morning, Stiggy old boy!
May I suggest you get angry at the man who is stood outside my office shouting down his mobile about how 'bollix' everything is?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:06, Reply)

hmm
will eating at this point in my hangover make me feel worse or better?

All I can think of is how much I want to be in my bed asleep
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:10, Reply)

"Or tug yourself off with oven gloves on."
Has just triggered a coughing fit, and a tiny bit of orange coming out of my nose.

EDIT: Depends what you've got to eat, TGB.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:10, Reply)

Ethelred
Have I met you?
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:11, Reply)

TGB
Eat!
Start with something small, and if that works DO NOT STOP EATING until your hangover is over.

That's what I do anyway. Can I recommend a mint aero, strawberry ribena and flaming hot monster munch? If the e numbers and sugar in that lot doesn't work, you're beyond my help!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:12, Reply)

@ TGB
You need bacon and sausage, which coincidentally has just arrived on my desk.

*noms*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:12, Reply)

@TGB
May I suggest a whacking great big full english...

Cures any hangover.
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:12, Reply)

TGB
A bacon sarnie will cure a multitude of sins.

Failing that, a mars bar and an Irn Bru will sort you right out!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:12, Reply)

Was someone
waving Irn Bru at me?
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:14, Reply)

Ok I don't have any of that stuff
I have a blueberry nutrigrain. ooh how I spoil myself.

I think it may make me feel worse
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:15, Reply)

So come on then - today's QOTD
"What are your patented hangover cures?"

Mine is a pint of milk, a bottle of ginger beer, some mango juice and a chili hot enough to expel any toxins from you in about an hour :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:15, Reply)

@TGB
What DiT said. Bacon sandwich first, then instant sugar from the Irn Bru if it doesn't help.

And yes, Lusty. 'Twas I.

You see, if BK allowed himself to be violated for one can of Bru....
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:15, Reply)

@ K2
Which I spilled!

*cries*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:17, Reply)

Oh noes, BK
I feel for you. Spilling Bru can be very distressing!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:18, Reply)

Hangover cure
Has got to be the full english brekkie.

Washed down with 2 big cups of sweet sweet tea...
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:18, Reply)

@K2k6
Are you saying you want me to violate you?

BK even though you dropped your can you still loved it.
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:19, Reply)

TGB
Water, paracetamol and once your stomach can handle it then food. Do not smoke until feeling normal. That's what works for me.

Stig. Why not get the manual for your works phone system and find inventive ways to annoy coworkers. We have an intercept feature on ours where you can dial an extension and intercept any incoming call. You answer it as the relevant dept and then tell them to fuck off before putting the phone down. If you're angry - Everyone should be angry!
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:19, Reply)

I have the perfect HSH piccy for hungover posts
Let me have a rummage a minute.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:19, Reply)

@TGB
The nutrigrain will make you bad IMO.

Health food never seems to go down well on a hangover.
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:19, Reply)

If you like, Lusty
Although I'm the one offering the Irn Bru this time, so thought it may work the other way round :)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:20, Reply)

@ Lusty
True.

Only cos it was you doing it though;)
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:20, Reply)

My patented Hang-over cure is
A pint of water.
Wait 'til the room stops spinning.
Drink another pint of water. Max-out your RDA of painkillers.

Eat two fresh tomatoes. Like you would an apple.

If you feel better at this point, great!
If not, a fry-up may be the only choice.



Obviously, if you can, drinking more alcohol is the best hangover cure.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:20, Reply)

With all the hangovers on here, the thread ought to start with this:
"
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:23, Reply)

@K2k6
A can of Irn Bru and a packet of chips and you've got yourself a deal.

@ BK That last comment made me feel like I should be called the violator. Then that made me feel a bit wrong, so I'm glad I didn't say anything.
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:27, Reply)

@pinky
Excellent. I've changed it...
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:30, Reply)

@Lusty
I can call you the Violator if you like.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:31, Reply)

Cool, Lusty.
Back soon.

*goes to chippy*

Damn, it's shut until 4pm. I'll need to go and work for a bit instead.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:31, Reply)

How about
"The Penetrator"?
*laughs*

EDIT: 100, woo!
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:31, Reply)

@BK
I'd rather you didn't if that's ok.
wanderlust is just fine :)

Edit: Kaol. It's better than my old nickname...
The devirginator.
*shames*
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:33, Reply)

Hahaha!
That sounds like some ceremonial device :|

Possibly studded.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:34, Reply)

Grr work getting in the way of b3ta
My patented hangover cure is quite simple, Lucozade.

If I drink a lite of 'zade the morning after, I completely avoid the headache and the stomach-ickyness (sorry if that last term was too scientific and technical).
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:37, Reply)

Lab
Is that orange or original?
I agree with you if it's the orange one :D
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:38, Reply)

Kaol
Actually, either work for me!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:39, Reply)

The "red" one
Makes me gag, for some reason.
Was there an apple one? Of has my brain invented that memory?
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:42, Reply)

Lucozade
More like "pukers' aid" for me.
I normally throw up if I drink that after a heavy night.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:43, Reply)

Oh
Hello Mr. Grumpy, didn't see you there :p
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:44, Reply)

Morning Friday People
Does anyone want to pop round to my office and answer some of my e-mails? I'll pay in beer...
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:46, Reply)

@clendrix
Just write "Fuck off" in reply to all of your e-mails, then when the complaints come in, deny all knowledge and say that someone must have hacked into your account.

It'll probably not work, and end up giving you more hassle, but it's a short term solution.

Edit@Lusty - Ha ha, devirginator! Did you really go around deflowering (or whatever the male equivalent is) innocent young lads, then?

*pretends to be innocent*

*fails*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:48, Reply)

Hi clendrix *waves*
Out of Office Assistant is your friend ;)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:50, Reply)

Dear K2k6
Never mind the hassle - the joy I'll get from responding in that manner will ensure I'm in a chipper mood for the rest of the day.

Plus I just received a message from Paypal - a company claimed to deliver something but they bloody didn't, so Paypal have charged them for it and are refunding me my £150. Yay!

*writes e-mails*
*heads to shops*

Edit: *waves at Labs* - yes, not a bad idea!
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:51, Reply)

morning all
how are we all today?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:52, Reply)

@K2k6
Would I ever dream of doing such a thing?!

Actually, it's probably best you don't answer that.

It was just something a few mates used to call me to scare off some unwanted attention. Long story!

Edit: ello lovely clendrix. *ensnuggles*
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:54, Reply)

Mornin' Clendrix!
*grins*
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:58, Reply)

@Lusty
*doesn't answer question*

Bloody hell. I'm being a bit more diplomatic than usual today, advice to clendrix notwithstanding.

Morning Edmund.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:00, Reply)

@edmund
sick, depressed and bored!
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:00, Reply)

Lusters, Kaol, Edmund
Nings.

How's your cold, Edmund?
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:01, Reply)

Clenders
*flex*
*hugs*

Good morning to you!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:02, Reply)

BK
Ooh, you flexy thing, thing!

^saying it that way made sense in my head, but now I'm not sure...
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:03, Reply)

Sorry...
It was a bit rubbish :p
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:07, Reply)

@ clendrix
Don't worry,
I giggled cos I sang it like 'You sexy thing'.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:08, Reply)

@the stig
you and i both, although i'm at least over my manflu :D
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:09, Reply)

Nutrigrain eaten
No ill effects as of yet.

I think I am actually feeling worse because I am so tired rather than the alcohol
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:11, Reply)

i am all of teh bored
And it's only 11 o clock!
And I've just read that in the last year JK Rowling has earned 5 quid every second.
How is that even possible?!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:11, Reply)

Kaol
Thank you!
/sarcastic

BK, thank you!
/not sarcastic
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:13, Reply)

LVP
I'd love to earn a fiver a second for being a smug, overrated author.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:13, Reply)

@ Lucy
I just want the rest of my working day to be over.
I'm all of the bored:(
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:14, Reply)

Mr Boss
would you like some recommendations for some timewasting on the internet?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:15, Reply)

LabM
I know! I cannot even comprehend that much money.
I mean, in the time it's taken me to write this, she has earned enough for a bloody good drinking session and a curry afterwards!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:15, Reply)

I'll join you folks in the bored corner
Does anyone fancy a joust or something to provide some entertainment?
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:16, Reply)

LvP
That's made me so, so fucking angry.

There's one obvious course of action.

Tie him to a chair.
Bludgen his parents to death in front of him.
Open up their bodies and festoon him with their organs.
Then let the crocodile in.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:16, Reply)

@ himjim
Yes please, anyhting that'll get me through the day!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:17, Reply)

LVP
If she earns a fiver a second, she must be one of the highest earning hookers every time she has sex.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:18, Reply)

Kaol
Ah good you saw it, I couldn't tell if the link had worked so I deleted it.

Who would let their child do that? And what mental state must a child be in to even think of such stuff aged 8.
another thing I can't comprehend.
My poor little brain is being overloaded!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:18, Reply)

LVP
What linky?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:19, Reply)

@Kaol
I thought you were talking about J K Rowling there!

I'm assuming it's the kid who fed the zoo animals to the croc? In which case I heartily endorse your means of punishment.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:19, Reply)

Lab
Sex?

I thought her selling-point was that she was "A Single Mother".
Besides, would you hit that?
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:20, Reply)

Lab
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/7649876.stm
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:21, Reply)

Kaol
If by 'hit it', you mean 'beat her about the face and neck with her back catalogue', then sure.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:22, Reply)

@ LM
That made me laugh, it is a pleasing image.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:24, Reply)

That is bang out of order
As LvP said, how has he been raised to think that it's anywhere near ok to treat any animal like that?
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:24, Reply)

Good :D
I'd beat her to death with some poncy broomstick, while wearing a wizard hat.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:25, Reply)

LVP
That's terrible! Where the hell were the parents?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:26, Reply)

@ Lab
Probably in the crocodile's stomach....
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:28, Reply)

You have to wonder
What kind of messages that child was brought up with? Or he seriously just affected with some mental affliction?
And imagine what he could do when he's older and stronger.
It's frightening.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:28, Reply)

Christ.
Some people are shits, aren't they? Also, i have a feeling the child was more than aware of what he was doing.

That's just evil.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:29, Reply)

My hangover cure
Orange Tango.

Mornin'.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:30, Reply)

Like I said
He should be fed to the crocodile.
End of story.

You live like a bastard, you die painfully.

*realises*

Bollocks...
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:30, Reply)

Kaol
There was one part of the report where it mentioned that the kid was trying to get into the crocodile enclosure.

I felt myself thinking "oh please, oh please, oh please."
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:32, Reply)

That news story is
awful. Although the parents will probably be all sympathetic for their darling angel and will probably use the phrase "kids nowadays"

fuckers.
I am quite hungry now. Score!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:33, Reply)

Can I join the hangover club please

Coffee a sausage sandwich and tea have singularly failed to make me feel better.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:34, Reply)

Best hangover cure ever...
A couple of Staffordshire oatcakes, filled with cheddar, mushrooms, bacon and HP sauce, washed down with pint of strong sugary tea.

Works every time.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:37, Reply)

Nakedape
I'm sorry...
If that didn't fix it, all hope is gone :(
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:38, Reply)

Kaol: I fear you might be right

Untunately I have shit loads to do today, hence why i'm pissing abouut here.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:39, Reply)

Ah... The epic
Logic of a procrastinator :p
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:43, Reply)

I'm just so bored that
I'm going to undo my shoelaces, take my shoes off and put them back on again.
What else is there to do?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:45, Reply)

Speaking of being eaten by crocodile-like reptiles
If you want to run a nature reserve, don't ever hire a redneck to give a talk on aligators. I once saw someone drag one out of the water by it's tail and then show the audience where the blind spot in their eyesight was by placing their head between it's mouth. They then placed a log in it's mouth where it was visually aware and it bit down. If ever I wanted to posess an aligator, I would have done it there and then.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:45, Reply)

@oneinthepink
Onanism?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:46, Reply)

K2
Good idea.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:49, Reply)

I once
shook hands (claws?) with an Alligator*.


True story.


*No, I don't mean masturbating.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:52, Reply)

DiT
In my imagination the alligator was wearing a comically small hat and a bow tie.

Was it?
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:53, Reply)

That story is pretty fucking horrifying.
I reckon they should feed him to the rest of the animals at the Zoo. You know, make him feel like the lizards in the alligator tank.

Not pimping www.b3ta.com/questions/nicethings/post260980
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:53, Reply)

And by feeding
we mean throw him into the crocodile enclosure.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:56, Reply)

Would that is was, LvP...
Would that it was.


It was, in fact, being held by a gigantic native American, and was only about 2 years old. I was 10, but bloody nervous!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:56, Reply)

Punishment
If I was the parent
a) It wouldn't happen in the first place

b) If it did, I'd tan his hide and tell the zookeeper that he'll be mucking out all the animals for a week for free. Then I'd tan his hide again.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:57, Reply)

DiT
That's a shame.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:59, Reply)

Isn't it?
*applies finger to temple*

*acesses memory banks*

*changes memory*

*clicks 'save as'*

I once shook hands with an alligator that was wearing a tiny hat and bow tie, don'tcherknow!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:01, Reply)

@ DiT
Funny you should mention it, I once played backgammon with a chameleon that was wearing jodhpurs and a monocle.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:02, Reply)

That's better
Now don't let me hear you talking about unaccessorised alligators again.

Edit - BK, that made me honk with laughter.

The chameleon at Longleat is called Claud.
Fact.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:03, Reply)

I like animals
More than I like people.

Fact.

But I don't like animals that much.

*burns degree certificate*
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:05, Reply)

wow that's amazing
In the office by myself now... *glees*

*sleeps*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:05, Reply)

Wasn't him
This one was called Raoul.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:05, Reply)

All this talk of procrastination
just when I'm about to start work in just over a week's time.

Speaking of which, I'm thinking of organising a London QOTW bash on Saturday October 18th. I've already got a few interested people. Once I've decided that most people would prefer this date to another date, I'll put up a calendar entry.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:06, Reply)

@BK
Surely not Lord Claude the Chameleon of Clydesdale?

I played him at backgammon in, let me see now, the summer of '84 I think it was. Those spectacular jodhpurs put me off my game and the cad swizzled me out of 9 shillings!

*smokes pipe*

EDIT: Damnation! It appears I was wrong!

And sorry Spak, but I'm leaving on a Jet Plane, that day.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:07, Reply)

@ DiT
*lights pipe*

He is a charming bounder; also took me to the cleaners to the tune of 6 guineas at whist, the cad.

*strokes mutton chops contemplatively*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:09, Reply)

Spak
who's interested so far?
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:09, Reply)

Well I win
coz I once played Lego Star Wars: The Video Game with an antelope wearing a dress - a male antelope.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:10, Reply)

Spak
I may be in London that weekend, so I could pop along.
I've got a hot date though, and I'm going on a fancy boat, so I can't 100% guarantee my attendance.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:10, Reply)

Chicken Noughts & Crosses
I played Noughts & Crosses against a chicken in Las Vegas.

I lost :-(
(bill, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:10, Reply)

i love that image
Some dastardly chameleon tricking people out of their hard earned cash.

Ace.

Spak - I'd be up for it if I can afford it.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:11, Reply)

@LvP
Good afternoon!
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:13, Reply)

Bill!
It's bill!

I once played Lacrosse with a team of Ostriches, the captain of whom was a one-eyed former pirate by the name of Blackwings the Merciless. We played a team comprised of gentlemen Velociraptors from Durban, and thrashed 'em 17-4.

In the clubhouse afterwards we shared port and brandy, while the Raptors sang beach boys songs in a beautiful four part harmony.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:14, Reply)

@Bk
Gis a go on your mutton chops!

I do very much enjoy facial hair.

edit:Hello Bill!!
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:14, Reply)

GENTLEMEN VELOCIRAPTORS?!
Oh DiT you win.

I am loving this conversation.

Hello edmund! All better from the deathly manflu?
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:15, Reply)

When's there a Westcountry one?
I can't do cities, they freak me out.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:15, Reply)

DiT, that's wonderful!
Lusty, I have spent the last week stroking my small chin-beard that I've managed to grow. It's rather delightful!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:16, Reply)

Re bash
So far, apart from the responses I've got in this thread, Rakky and BK were interested, and I think Clendrix as well.

@DiT, just out of interest, If I held it on the Friday, would you be able to make it? Although I'm reserving the Friday night for a possible works trip to the pub, I may end up working in one of those strange companies that has it's pub night on a Thursday.

@Kaol: Is your date a b3tan? If not, you could bring her along and we could carry out her initiation ceremony.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:17, Reply)

I'm afraid that's a secret, Spak :p
*grins*
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:18, Reply)

@LvP
Achoo!

Yup... thanks. How are you doing sweetie?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:19, Reply)

Crap there is no other food in my office
I thought I had soup but I was wrong *cries*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:21, Reply)

Wanderlust
This Top Tip is for you.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:22, Reply)

TGB
Oh noes! That is truly a disappointing thing.

Edmund - I'm very well, killing time before my train to catch later. Although I do appear to have picked up Mr VPs cough. I shall tell him off for it later.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:22, Reply)

*enjoys having mutton chops rubbed*
Well,

There was one occasion when myself and the lads from the 10th Dragoon Royal Mounted Navy Infantry engaged in a rather vicious game of boules against the Cross-Dressing Pandas of Stalag Rangoon 6.

Dreadful queens the lot of them but one had the most fabulous ebony cigarette holder.

After the match we retired to Raffles Hotel where we spent the evening drinking Raspberry Daiquiris and Noel Coward entertained us all by lighting his farts.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:24, Reply)

@LVP
I suspect we'll be passing each other in town!
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:24, Reply)

@Spakman
Rakky?! Oh dear! That could be awkward!
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:24, Reply)

Spak
You have a wonderful talent for slightly disturbing me :p

It's always the quiet ones :D
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:25, Reply)

@ Labia
My 'tache beard combo is making a comeback. It's short now, but should get back to original length soon.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:25, Reply)

Hey Spak
That's really sweet of you, matey, but I'm flying early on the Saturday morning to I need to be a good boy on Friday night.

I'll pass on this one, but will attend the next in FULL EFFECT!

EDIT: I'm sporting a rather fetching full bears at the moment. I like it!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:25, Reply)

BK
That's because Pandas are RUBBISH. And I know Kaol agrees with me here.

Edmund - We may well cross paths. Although London is a BIG place.
and I am stealthy like a ninja
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:26, Reply)

*strokes lab's chin*
Ohhh that feels splendid!

@spakka...
I don't know really what to say to that. For that to work I'd have to oh god I'm not even going to finish that sentence.
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:26, Reply)

I have a craving for sausage rolls
Hey Lucy. Sorry I have been in my own little hell forsaken world today :)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:26, Reply)

Ninja?
I can dress all in black too, y'know...;)
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:27, Reply)

*purrs at Lusty's stroking*
Himjim, your 'tache news brings a smile to my face. I hope it reaches it's former epic proportions soon!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:28, Reply)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGHHHHHHHH!
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MENTION PANDAS?

I was so happy today :(
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:28, Reply)

see?
*soothes Kaol*
It's ok, soon natural selection will make them extinct once and for all.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:30, Reply)

*Has a go on DiT's beard.*
All this facial hair has got me all excited.

I need a little alone time rest now.
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:31, Reply)

@ Kaol
I do apologise.
I didn't realise it would have that effect, old bean!

Perhaps if I'd made them ocelots...

*edit*
I thought your sig said you're going to bum Leam to the ground.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:32, Reply)

I think you're all making up your animal games now!
I mean Pandas, FFS ;-)

I really did lose to a chicken though.

My pictures are at home but here is someone elses on flickr:
www.flickr.com/photos/mistylwhite/724652062/

edit: oh noes, I said the P word again - sorry Kaol!
(bill, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:34, Reply)

.
@Stig: How come it’s awkward with Rakky?

@DiT: In that case, I’ll keep it on Saturday. There’ll be plenty more London bashes to go to.

@Kaol: After the story you told us about the car crash last night, I kinda feel honoured.

@wanderlust: Is it more a question of "I’d have to not..." than "I’d have to..."?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:35, Reply)

BK
It does say that :p


Also, facial hair... I need a shave tonight, I've got a bit of a 'tash going on.
That would be fine, but it makes me look like a specific paedophile from a 1980's Informational Video.
*frowns*
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:35, Reply)

I've never understood, beards.
Why do men grow them? They look stupid and has any girl in the history of the world ever said these words....?

"Cor! That bloke looks nice! If only he had more facial hair....."
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:35, Reply)

Spakman
She REALLY doesn't like me!

I'll probably still turn up, just won't speak to her. No big deal. :O)
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:37, Reply)

@spakka
never you mind haha.

@the stig. I say that quite a lot as it goes.
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:37, Reply)

^^
Spakka - Lusty's not lying. I've heard her heckle a man purely on his facial hair.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:39, Reply)

*grins at Spak*
For the reference of everyone else:

Last night I finished building the stage, then the band who're shooting the video on it turned up.
Got chatting to them, they asked about our band, we played 'em a few songs, which they liked.

The guys in the band were 19.
One of them dropped a comment that he "had a dirty mind, and nothing I could say could unsettle him".

He ended up dry-retching, from a combination of disgust and laughter.

He was talking about a car crash he'd seen, (trying to impress me) that was so bad that the guy had died.

I asked him if he'd tried to fuck the corpse.

He went a bit white. Then said that it was smashed up from the impact.

I said "That's ok, just get the loose bits of meat, put them in a sock, and fuck that."
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:41, Reply)

Lusty
I've put a new picture in my profile of me with full beard.

;-)
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:41, Reply)

Never trust a man.....
with a beard. They either look like:

Gerry Adams
James Brolin in his 70's to 80's period
or
like a Dutch stoner (i.e nasty)

Clean shaven is best, I feel.
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:41, Reply)

@ himjim
That is magnificent, Sir!
I have a luxuriant number on my work railcard.
Everyone said I looked like a paedo so it had to go I'm afraid.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:46, Reply)

@himjim
CORRRRRRRRRR
That is a beard worthy of a proper rubbing!

@the stig. I don't agree with you there I'm afraid. I happen to quite like the dutch stoner look.
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:46, Reply)

@Stig re Rakky
Do you have any idea why she doesn't like you?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:46, Reply)

Haha
Bless you stiggy... No facial hair pour vous?

(I joke, I joke...)

EDIT: Cor, himjim! That's a work of art!

And Rakky is made of lully!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:47, Reply)

At work a girl said to me
after I grew the beard, "Why did you grow the beard after the moustache?"

I replied "I didn't think I looked enough like a rapist."

I got told off :(
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:47, Reply)

BK
I thought you were a paedo :p

It's ok, with your beard and my 'tash, we can create some kind of SuperPaedoHeroSquad.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:48, Reply)

Kaol is it wrong that made me laugh? (the sock thing)
*is twisted*

Jim I may have to stroke your moustache tomorrow then. On and Labs beard. Ok I am going to stroke all facial hair!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:50, Reply)

Come to think of it,
my profile pic is a bit beardy.
Normally I use a beard trimmer to take it back to stubble.
I've got it into my head that wet shaving will age you by scraping layers of skin of your face.
I don't know if this claim has any substance to it though.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:52, Reply)

Depends...
Which thing you laughed at:
Fucking a sock-full of shredded car-crash victim.
Or
SuperPaedoHeroSquad?

Also, in other news, I might not go for that shave tonight after all :p
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:53, Reply)

Actually, my prejudices go further......
But I'm not going to mention them here for fear of reprisals, but trust me, they're abstract, but meaningful!

Beards can kiss my posterior!
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:54, Reply)

Stig...
Kiss? No.
Tickle? Yes.

:p
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:55, Reply)

The Saturday 18th October London Bash

Is now on the calendar.

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:55, Reply)

Hmmm
I'll give the facial hair a miss.

It's bad enough that my eyebrows come through dark when my hair is blond, but the fact that my beard comes through ginger is inexcusable.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:55, Reply)

SuperPaedoHeroSquad
Where do I sign up?
Someone make a badge!

"Don't worry ma'am, we're with the SPHS!
Paedo Power!"
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:56, Reply)

Ooh, no, tell us about your prejudices!
They sound fun, being abstract and all!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:56, Reply)

Kaol
if I stroke your facial hair you have to promise not to bite my fingers!

Pinky I like your beard in your profile pic ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:57, Reply)

Re: SuperPaedoHeroSquad
Any chance I could include my "can't be arsed to shave stubble" into the mix?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:58, Reply)

DiT
Ok, you asked for it!

Bald people. Hate them!
People called "Alex" they MUST die!
Beards (as we've established) are loathsome.

Therefore, if you're bald with a beard and your name is "Alex". Stay away from me!

Kaol, Don't tickle. You're not Ken Dodd! :O)
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:58, Reply)

TGB
Cheers!
Cider time now, have a good weekend folks.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:00, Reply)

I have a shave head and a beard...
Do I count? ;P
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:01, Reply)

Enjoy your cider Mr. 'Pink
I'm sure I'll be having more than a few as well.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:01, Reply)

I know a lot of bikers
so they all have shaved heads and proper Led Zepplin I'm an idiot they don't have beards Who am I thinking of....beards. They are all kinds of awesome though.

beardy, beardy, beardy! do do do do do do
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:04, Reply)

I promise no biting :)
Also, I'm going for Lunch.

Oh, and SuperPaedoHeroSquad had been re-named to SuperPaedoActionSquad.

Gentlemen, welcome to SPAS.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:07, Reply)

@TGB
Led Zeppelin? Do you mean ZZ Top?

The one with the smallest beard in ZZ Top's surname is Beard.

*BK fact of the day*
*in association with Magners cider*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:07, Reply)

@Kaol
Was it perviously named SuperPaedoNinjaSquad?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:09, Reply)

Afternoon
Its colder than than an eskimo's who ha in my office today! and its only the start of autumn! Brrr....


How are you all my lovelies?
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:09, Reply)

Yes BK yes I do
I'm glad you always seem to know what I am waffling on about :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:09, Reply)

Noon Kirst!
Tis chilly, isn't it?

*hugs self to warm up*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:13, Reply)

Oh bugger
I've lost my favourite eyeliner.

This has no relevance to any conversation but I thought I'd share anyway.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:15, Reply)

Tis indeed cold
I've been sat with my coat on in the office all day.

Hey weekirst *waves*
*sympathises with Lucy* I lost mine a while back.. but found it again!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:16, Reply)

cold
I'm sitting with one of those little blow heaters and my jacket and scarf still on... i'm sreading winter! Hahaha!

And i stupidly said it was my favourite time of year :)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:20, Reply)

Apparantly The Krypton Factor
Is coming back *glees*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:40, Reply)

Afternoon all
how's it going today?

It's absolutely fucking freezing up here. I'm actually wearing a pair of long johns, I feel like I belong in the 1920's. Although I did arrive at work on a penny farthing this morning.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:42, Reply)

*demands pics of Batman on his penny farthing*
Do you have a monocle too?
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:49, Reply)

Hey batman
In Oxford I once frequently saw a man riding to (I assume) the university on a penny farthing... was that you?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:51, Reply)

*returns from lunchtime activities*
*catches up on thread*

- OK, I don't grow my facial hair. Occasionally have a day or two's stubble if I'm on holiday and feeling lazy, but it starts to itch and I shave it off.

- Hello weekirst.

- It's cold here too. The swimming pool was fine though.

- A mate of mine was once on the Krypton Factor. Didn't win though.

- Edit: For Al
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:51, Reply)

Yip clendrix
I have a monocle. And a top hat. And a wee moustache which curls up at the end. I also often shout at passing school children "I say you young rapscallion get off the road, I'm a gentlemen don't you know!"

I took that too far didn't I?

And TGB I tried to get onto the motorway once to bring my pennyfarthing down there but I got pulled over for speeding :(

Maybe it was my evil cousin Evil Cremola Foam Batman?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:56, Reply)

Freezing
up who, Batman?

sorry
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:57, Reply)

^^ Warm fuzzy
I was thinking that too!

Freezing up her what?

Chimney?

Street?

Arse?

I feel we must know.

Edit - no problem Al. Better than my crap jokes, I feel. Although I do have one brewing...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:58, Reply)

warmfuzzyfeeling
Hahaha I just noticed that, whoops. Cheers for that!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:00, Reply)

@al
Here's a kitten doing something fun.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:00, Reply)

@ k2k6
Are you sure its just a joke brewing? I can smell it from here.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:04, Reply)

G'afternoon
I've had espresso, cigarettes and vodka.
I'm ready to waste the afternoon :)
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:05, Reply)

Oh great(!)
Steps' "Tragedy" (aptly named) is on the radio. Can this day get any worse?
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:05, Reply)

Batman
How refined and dashing you are!
*wants monocle*
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:05, Reply)

@Ethel
No, I farted too.

@Stig - perhaps Rakky may knock at your door later :)

I only know her through gazzing but she seems like a great sort - must be a personality conflict 'twixt you and her!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:09, Reply)

Heh
thanks clendrix, although I wore my kilt in to work this morning thinking it would be a nice day and trying to ride a pennyfarthing wearing a kilt isn't a pretty site. All sorts on show I tell you!

Kaol...vodka? Was it in the espresso?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:12, Reply)

Hello again all!
Ahh, lunch was joyous, a stone baked pizza with pepperoni, spicy salami, and jalapenos!

I now want a nap, but instead have to find if this suspect has been up to naughty things.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:13, Reply)

K26k
If that happens then, I'm going "Virginia Tech" on somebody!
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:14, Reply)

Quote of the day
"Well as long as you;re not wanking at the same time it'll be fine"

Said by the director to "Eddie" whoever that is. Made tea come out my nose that did
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:16, Reply)

On the subject of facial hair
Does anyone here have random bald patches on their face?

Last year, I went from August to March without shaving once, not even trimming under my chin, just because I wanted to see what it looked like.

You know when people have goatees, there's the bit that joins your 'tache to your chin on either side of your mouth?

I didn't have them.

Ever.

Over 6 months of growth and not a single hair.

Still, I'd make a kick ass amish person!
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:18, Reply)

Batman riding to work on a penny farthing wearing a kilt and sporting a monocle.
*heads off to lie down in darkened room*
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:19, Reply)

@piratemonkey
When I used to have a beard (that was a dark phase in my life!) I had 2 bald patches which I couldn't work out why they were there.

Turned out, they were chemical burns I'd given myself! I kept resting my head in my hands, whilst I still had my gloves on!

The follicles are fine now.
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:20, Reply)

Facial bald patches
I can't grow sideburns because I've got bald patches where sideburns should grow.

As for the tache and goatee thing, I once had a teacher with a goatee who'se tache joined the goatee on one side but not on the other side.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:21, Reply)

@ Pirate
I have similar probs.
Did grow a good piratey tache/ beard combo though. Bit musketeer looking.

And paedo looking, which is why it went
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:21, Reply)

*follows clendrix to darkened room*
ahem.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:22, Reply)

I don't have bald patches
but I do have somewhat multicoloured facial hair.

If I let it grow (the longest was 10 days, when I was a student, and on holiday once!) it appears in various different hues. I'm not talking primary colours or the Dulux paint chart, but it's everything from white to dark brown. Randomly.

Which is odd, because my head hair is uniformly blond and the hair everywhere else (stop here if it's TMI) is light brown. Except the bits which are exposed to light, which bleach blond.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:22, Reply)

K2k6
I now have an image of you singing "any dream will do" with a multicoloured beard.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:24, Reply)

I too
have a bald patch under my chin

Though it's not random. 'Tis a scare from falling into a thistle patch as a child.


Afternoon all. 'Tis lunchtime for me, I shall spend it with you all
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:25, Reply)

@Batman
*sings*

"I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain...."

(lyrics from K2k6 and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Beard)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:26, Reply)

*emerges from darkened room*
*straightens blouse*
*staggers off*
*smiles*
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:27, Reply)

If I was a man
I would just spend so much time pissing about with facial hair! I'd like a big handlebar moustache and a big bushy beard and I'll probably get an eyepatch and a parrot...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:27, Reply)

Spakka
Your teacher sounds like a friend of mine. He's cunningly grown one side of his 'tache really long to cover this up.

I'm glad it's not just me that has the patches problem though!
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:27, Reply)

@Al
I did say people wouldn't like it! Still, life goes on! :O) You may be the first "Alex" who hasn't been a spanner! :O)

As for Rakky, we'll leave it there. With all due respect, you don't know all the facts.
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:28, Reply)

*emerges 2 minutes later from darkened room*
*straightens top hat, replaces monocle*
*looks about meaningfully*
*strides to the centre of the room*
*clears throat*

"Ahem...wooohoooooooooo!"
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:34, Reply)

*shakes head*
This is getting boring.
If you've got a problem with someone, take it up with them.
Bitching when they're not around is pointless.

Whatever happened, happened. If someone thinks you're a cunt, then so be it. There're plenty of other people in the world, you don't have to get fixated on it.

I know for a fact that there are a good few people that detest me. I don't give a fuck, makes no difference to me.
Just suck it up and get on with it.

No point creating a rubbish atmosphere here.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:37, Reply)

I'm going out for a smoke now *winks*
Al's fucking amazing. A kinder, funnier gentleman I've yet to meet.
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:37, Reply)

@ pirate monkey
I had that also.

I shaved over that bit anyway, and it seems to have promoted some growth :)
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:37, Reply)

Well said, Kaol
*nods respectfully*

*draws line under Stig/Rakky subject*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:38, Reply)

That was 7 minutes
What have you been doing in there by yourself?

Randomly I imagine you coming out of the dark room at my old school's artblock into the big room and doing that. Just in case you cared.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:39, Reply)

Kaol
I admire that attitude and I really wish I could be like that.....unfortunately, I'm not.

Still, that's the end of this topic. :O)
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:39, Reply)

Ok, good.
End of that then.

So...
It's Friday.
Few hours 'til the weekend.
What're you bunch of crazies up to 'til Monday?
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:41, Reply)

*changes subject*
My mother worries me sometimes.
She has just emailed me this...

"You know when kids are told not to do something and they do it. Well I did something you told me not to do. Tee hee."

I'm just waiting for her to reply.
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:41, Reply)

TGB
we played chess. In the dark. It was hard!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:42, Reply)

Lusty
That sounds awfully leading... I'd have the mind bleach ready!

Kaol, you know damn well what I'm doing this weekend ;)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:42, Reply)

@ Kaol
I'm heading down to London this evening, for the whole weekend!

*happies*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:43, Reply)

It was hard!
I tried to move the King, but it moved itself.
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:43, Reply)

This weekend, I will be mostly doing......
feeling sorry for myself (got a cold)
reading about microsoft project (for a job interview)
and fretting about said job interview on Monday....in frigging Dorset!
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:45, Reply)

@lab
I really hope mind bleach wont be needed.
*worries*
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:46, Reply)

*disturbing sex chess images*
Well Kaol I am hanging out with some weird people from the internet
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:47, Reply)

The FTSE, DAX and CAC....
have been holding steading all day. Now that the Dow Jones, is about to come online and start trading, what's the probability, that it'll drag the FTSE, DAX and CAC down with it?

This country's future is with Europe, not the United States!
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:48, Reply)

This weekend
I'm going to Royal Leamington Spa, for drinking and fun with TGB, Lab, Himjim and Rubberduck.
Then we're going to see Pooflake and Captain Placid play a gig on Sunday.
My liver is tingling in anticipation :D
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:48, Reply)

I hate
when the King moves itself


(damn I'm slow)
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:50, Reply)

yay
Off snowboarding tomorrow to try out my new kit, any boarders on the board? (for want of a better term)
(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:53, Reply)

Well
I'm going to Edinburgh for a big piss up. And an eye test (not for monocles).

And I'm getting my hair cut at some point. It's going to be much fun.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:53, Reply)

I'm busy as usual
Gigs in opposite directions, north and south. And repairing a (musical) keyboard for a bloke. I'll also need to clean some of the crap off my car, as I have only windscreen wiper sweep-shaped bits where I can see out just now.

And I may fit in some sleep too.

Three day week next week though - woo!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:56, Reply)

@ Kaol
I shall be attending a fancy dress party this eve, having a 2nd house warming party tomorrow eve, and then chillaxing (sorry TGB, I wanted to steal it) on sunday.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:58, Reply)

Good afternoon
I'm currently sitting around eating pizza, adding books to my amazon wish list and putting off creating a flyer for my Dad.

How is everybody on this lovely, crisp day?
( Captain V, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:59, Reply)

I am a snowboarder
And I hate skiiers :D

Wanks on planks. Pricks on sticks.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:00, Reply)

Etheldred
what are you going as?

If you like star wars check this place out:

www.joke.co.uk/prodpage.asp?type=sub&sub=1701&page=2&perpage=20&filter_colour=&filter_size=&sortby=DESCSTOCK&inStock=NO

I've never been skiing in my life, fact.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:01, Reply)

HCMB
I'm actually going as:

www.joke.co.uk/showPart_large.asp?part=60037

I must mention, I didn't pay that much!

I did think of the StarWars stuff, as its 80s film themed, but thought I'd go for the obscure, any guesses which film?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:04, Reply)

Hey V!
Ethelred chillaxing is an awesome word that everyone should use :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:04, Reply)

Word up, B3tamax!
Another boarder here!

*jumps up and down*

Where're you off to?

I've just got back from a yummy lunch, but now I'm stuffed and a bit hurty in my tum!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:05, Reply)

I've never been skiing
or snowboarding either. I have no inclination to participate in either. It's too bloody cold for me. I'd rather be swimming in the ocean off a tropical island, I think.

It's getting near to that 'rubbish joke' time of day.

*prepares*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:05, Reply)

snow
Off to Xscape at Milton Keynes for a couple of hours (cannot wait to try my shiny new board (Burton Custom '09 if you were wondering))and off to Les Gets at Xmas.

Been to Milton Keynes once before and was really impressed with the indoor slopes.

Honestly I think I'm just a bit lazy, boarding seemed to have a faster learning curve than ski-ing.

Anyone have an opinion on whether it's worth learning to ski as well?
(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:06, Reply)

Good afternoon.
This weekend I shall be cleaning and using my brand spanking new hoover...Woo! Going to the gym and trying to do something artistic with a pencil and a piece of paper.

I shall also be making a start on finishing off drinking the beer that the Loon left.
( girlinthehole, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:06, Reply)

@HCFBMAN!
There's a guy in Ellon that has a spare penny farthing (seriously)....In other news a mate of mine has just called to say that someones dropped out of his corporate shindig and would I like to go and drink free German lager all night while ogling dirndls.....whoo!
(Oil Slick, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:08, Reply)

My best mate
Is learning to be a Ski Instructor, doing his course at MK.
He says it's pretty good there.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:08, Reply)

I love skiing
I want to either snowboard or do freestyle skiing though.

Freestyle skiing is the best thing you can do on snow imo.
( Captain V, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:10, Reply)

Right, here's today's crap joke. It's an old one, but I like it...
There was this man who had just had plastic surgery, and he went for a walk to see what people thought of his new appearance. Upon meeting a man in the street, he stopped and said "Can I ask you a question?"

"Yes", said the other chap, "go ahead".

"OK, how old do you think I am?"

"Oh, about 31, 32 probably"

"NO!", said our man, "I'm 45, but I just had plastic surgery, and I'm well pleased with the result."

A bit later the man was in the chip shop, buying a fish supper. "Do you mind if I ask you something?" he said to the man behind the counter.

"No, what is it?", said the chip shop owner.

"How old am I?"

"Hmmm, mid thirties?"

"NO! I'm actually 45 but I just had plastic surgery. It's great!"

A bit later, having consumed his fish supper, the man met a woman in the street. "Would you answer a question for me?" he said.

"All right", said the woman, "what is it?"

"How old do you think I am?"

"Well, if you drop your trousers, I can tell you exactly", she said.

"Hang on", said the man, "I only asked you how old I was!"

"Well, I can tell you exactly if you drop your trousers."

"Oh, all right then", said the man, undoing his belt.

The woman felt around his nether regions for a while and eventually said "You're 45".

"How on earth did you know that?", said the man, somewhat amazed.

"Oh, easily", said the woman, "I was standing behind you in the chippy!"
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:10, Reply)

BGB
what "hoover" did you get?
(The Stig, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:11, Reply)

a few years back
in some not so heavy snow (an inch at most), a guy in my street decided to travel by ski.

Not very interesting I know, but it was funny to see.

EDIT@k2. I've heard that, only with a woman, and the final person was a grampy tramp
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:12, Reply)

*groans*
I liked that one k2 but in a "that joke made me groan but I like it anyway" kind of way.

:edit: Been thinking a bit about what I want to do, long term work wise. For some reason being a locksmith has suddenly become appealing to me.
( Captain V, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:13, Reply)

K2k6
Dear lord - that's older than we are! Still funny though.

I went skiing once, reluctantly. I was most definitely a 'prick on a stick'. Never going again.

/unbalanced
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:13, Reply)

Oil Slick
Tell him I'll give him ha'penny for it.

BGB Are you going to the gym to do something artistic with a pencil? I'm confused.


EDIT Ethelred That looks awesome. Although Jango Fett would kick his ass. And no ideas I'm afraid, what film?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:18, Reply)

Locksmith?
Useful.
Wanna join my "crew"?
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:19, Reply)

I fall over in flat shoes
I can't see me getting the hang of anything else.

*random glees*

I'm in a very good mood today, well after the hangover cleared. *dances*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:19, Reply)

@B3tamax
Good choice of board there, sir!

I had a Burton once, but a mate cracked it. Not happy.

I'll get another one next year.

One day I'll learn to ski, I'm just not sure I like the idea of my legs being able to go in opposite directions!

EDIT: *groan* @ K2
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:20, Reply)

I did say it was an old joke
What do you expect from me this late in the week? :)

@TGB - Do you have two left feet when dancing too? I certainly do. The linkage between my brain and my feet is adversely affected by music.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:21, Reply)

@kaol
I'm looking about for evening classes or whatever. My parents reckon that starting some sort of regular activity again will do me good - an evening class seems just the ticket.

Becoming a qualified locksmith at the same time seems even better!
( Captain V, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:22, Reply)

*Read out loud in Jamaican accent*

Their are two Jamaicans sitting on the dock letting the worl drift by.

"I'm soo hungry mon" complains one.

"Me too" replies the other, "but I got a plan."

With that he grabs two pieces of bread that they were using to feed the Jamaican sea ducks, and between them he placed two cans of Red Stripe lager.

"What are you doin mon" exclaimed the first chap, "you can't eat that!"

"I can mon, its a beer can sandwich mon!"




Apologies for racial stereotyping.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:24, Reply)

All this talk of skiing
Is reminding me how much I absolutely have to get some skiing in this season. I haven't skiing since Easter 2007 =/

I doubt I'll get to ski when I go to Canada which means I'll have to catch the late end of the season.
( Captain V, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:25, Reply)

Captain V
That sounds an excellent idea, might as well go for it!
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:25, Reply)

Naked Ape
hahahahahahaa! I don't give a flying fuck about racial stereotyping that's fucking awesome! Fuck yeah!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:26, Reply)

Go boarding

Do it, it's wicked!

I do both and love them both and would live in the mountains for ever if I could.

*starts countdown to new year boarding holiday*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:26, Reply)

I can neither ski
nor snowboard.

Hell, the only sport(s) I can do are football and cycling (running is not a sport, it's an escape mechanism)
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:27, Reply)

nothing cuts through a hangover like

the fresh mountain air and cold wind on your face.

*is still hungover*

*wishes hard for mountain air*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:29, Reply)

I wonder
We already sell mountain spring water in bottles. Do you think we'll reach a point of selling "mountain fresh air" in bottle in any of our lifetimes?
( Captain V, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:31, Reply)

Al
you pulled right again. Right into my eye.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:32, Reply)

@Naked Ape
I've just been all of 200m outside to the shop, and it's bloody freezing here. Mountain air? Sod that - it's cold enough at sea level.

On the upside, I did see during my brief perambulations a small (under 5'), very thin girl with the most disproportionately huge breasts ever.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:32, Reply)

*shocks*
You saw a small parenthesis?!

*runs to the hills*

:edit: Arse, you corrected it before I posted. Now I look silleh.
( Captain V, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:33, Reply)

A small waht?

Thanks Al I appreciate your efforts.


*wipes chin*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:33, Reply)

*ninja edits*
I used the left pointy bracket to mean 'less than' and the html parser got all confused!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:34, Reply)

^^^^ yep

i thought of 5 years old bressts too.

Are we now on a list somewhere.

Also i think any breasts on a five year old would be fairly put of proportion.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:37, Reply)

You two
were already on a list somewhere...
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:40, Reply)

It's not a list
It's a register. And they have to sign it every day. At the cop shop :)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:42, Reply)

Clendrix
If they weren't then, they are now.

*waits to get their computers*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:43, Reply)

Labs
Al's stash will take you months to get through!
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:45, Reply)

Ahahahaha...
I did not expect to see that when I refreshed the page!

Al... do we hug now, or do we roll away, stony faced and cold?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:45, Reply)

Wow

this is as awkward as having sex with a rhino who doesn't love you anymore.


thanks to Peter griffin
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:46, Reply)

HCFB
Its from the film "Big" with Tom Hanks.

www.imdb.com/title/tt0094737/
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:47, Reply)

@NakedApe
"Why wouldn't you look at me during?"

*cries*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:50, Reply)

Urgh
Sorry Etelred but I can't stand Tom Hanks. Any film he has been doesn't exist to me!

Good costume though!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:51, Reply)

HCFBM
Saving Private Ryan was good.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:52, Reply)

Clendrix
I don't doubt that! At least he'll probably have it nice categorised for me :p
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:52, Reply)

Damn you Ethel
I've had a rubbish day and it's been all busy and I just found the time to get caught up and was going to be all impressive with my knowlege of eighties films and now you've RUINED IT!

*cries*

*may have had too much caffeine*

Good costume though.

How are we all? Sticky?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:53, Reply)

Saving Private Ryan has it's moments, although the premise is fundamentaly flawed

99% of Tom Hanks films are pouch.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:53, Reply)

What are films, again?
Are you talking about these new fangled moving pictures?

@HCFB - just read your QOTW story about your mum. Nice one.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:56, Reply)

Sup Wookie
@ k2k6

Some of them have sound too! Its the work of the devil if ever I saw it!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:57, Reply)

Totally agree
Saving Private Ryan was awesome but even with that I was sitting the whole way through thinking "aaaargggghhhhhhhhh it's Tom fucking Hanks, aarrggghhhhh".

He did produce Band of Brothers which rocks.


EDIT K2k6, cheers mate. Didn't think it would get such a response. My old dear is a trooper though.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:57, Reply)

This sounds like a job for
SuperPaedoActionSquad!
*jumps into action*
*rescues hard drive*
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:59, Reply)

Right you sexy faced lot.
I am off to enjoy my weekend with some b3tans and some people from the big scary real world as well.

Have a good one all!

*gives out hugs and kisses and cakes and kittens to everyone*
( wanderlust, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:00, Reply)

I want to join
S.P.A.S. Do you have do have some weird initiation thing? Like rape a 5 year old?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:01, Reply)

Bye Lusters
You jiggly bundle of joy!
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:01, Reply)

Bye Lusty
Have a good one!

@Ethel - talking pictures? It'll never catch on.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:02, Reply)

Bye Lusty!
Have a good weekend :)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:02, Reply)

Batman
You just have to look like a paedo if you grow facial hair!

In other news, I'm going home early! Huge and lovely surprise!

Sadly, I'll be back online within the hour, I'm that cool :|
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:05, Reply)

Laters miss lust
*strokes cake*

*eats kitten*
( Captain V, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:05, Reply)

Later's Lusty
;)
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:06, Reply)

I can grow
a dirty wee tash AND put my hair in a greasy comb over. I also wear big glasses sometimes...
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:07, Reply)

Cya later Kaol!
*clock watches for the next hour*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:09, Reply)

Buh-bye, Lusty!
Have a good 'un! :)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:10, Reply)

Al
I think you and I should start a new team if they won't let us join.



EDIT Bye K2k6, have a good weekend
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:17, Reply)

Right, I'm off
Places to go, people to entertain.

See you lovely people in a day or two.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:17, Reply)

What a day
Some people are like slinkies - no real point, but it makes you smile when you push 'em down the stairs.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:18, Reply)

I'm not going to lie Al
but I had to check what Egalitarian meant.

But fuck yeah!

Fuck S.P.A.S. we don't need them.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:22, Reply)

Woo
I am now home as my director said "Fuck it let's go" at just before four *glees*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:25, Reply)

Right guys
I'm off to sit on the Megabus for 3 hours, wish me luck!

Have a good weekend.

Al if you do get a badge please send me it :)
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:29, Reply)

Have fun, Batman!
Be good!
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:31, Reply)

Afternoon all
It's the weekend! Hoorahs!

And I finally found out what was wrong with my proposal today. Apparently it wasn't meaty enough.

And yes, those were the actual words used.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:36, Reply)

What a disgusting cake
I got a pastry type thing (two pastry slices with chocolate in the middle), which is normally quite good.


Today, it tastes like dead marmite
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:36, Reply)

Long time indeed A
Been busy trying to get work done and doing things in my flat, so haven't really been about on here all that much.

I do now however have a relatively tidy room, which makes me happy-ish. The drumkit makes me happy too.

The fact that my phone seems to be dying makes me less happy though to be honest.

How art thou, ancrenne?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:42, Reply)

Goodbye all
I'm off home now :)

My spidey-sense is tingling, telling me that the Leamington minibash with Kaol, TGB, Himjim and Rubberduck is going to be messy and epic in equal proportions.

Pray for me, pray that I survive to tell the tales.

Hope y'all have a great weekend!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:43, Reply)

Right you horrible lot
I'll see Kaol, TGB, Lab and Rubberduck tomorrow.

I'm catering for 6.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:43, Reply)

Well folks,
after the Day of DOOOOOM I am off to the pub.

Have a lovely weekend :)
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:43, Reply)

Bye Wookers!
Hope your depraved planning comes to fruition!
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:44, Reply)

We're huge!
Our thread is an internet fatty!
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:49, Reply)

@ancrenne
Experimental cookery perhaps. One I shall not e taking part in, due to hatred of, and lack of availability of, said marmite.

Was the only thing I could think of to describe it that wasn't shit, mostly cause shit probably doesn't taste THAT bad
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:50, Reply)

*sneaks up on ancrenne*

*tackles*

*tickles*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:56, Reply)

The timetable of upcoming QOTW bashes, part 2
has been posted for your enjoyment.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:03, Reply)

*winks*
That's me, madam! ;)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:09, Reply)

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM
iS THERE ANYONE HERE?
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:17, Reply)

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM
iS THERE ANYONE HERE?
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:17, Reply)

Oops
caps lock on, double posting...I've gone mental
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:18, Reply)

I'm still here
I work till half 5.

*cries*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:21, Reply)

MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I'm here... for seven more minutes!

Get it while it's hot!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:21, Reply)

*cries*
I've had a shite day. Please tell me to go home. Please.
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:22, Reply)

Clendrix!
GO HOME. DRINK GUINNESS. BE MERRY. ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:23, Reply)

himjim
You're fab! I'm off, at your command!

Have a lovely weekend, gorgeous people!
( thealternativefact, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:25, Reply)

There there Clenny
I'm here.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:26, Reply)

Laters, Clenders!
Looks like it's just me and you, Jimbo.

Well, it would be if I wasn't going home too.

Night all! :) Have a great weekend!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:26, Reply)

I'm still here
As here is home.

I just need to find the energy to make some dinner.

Do toasties count as a legitimate dinner food?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:26, Reply)

She's gone mate!
And so the FUCK AM I!

*FLIES OUT OF WORK ON GUST OF "FUCK YEAH"*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:26, Reply)

anything
even partially edible, like Al's socks, can be considered dinner.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:28, Reply)

So am I!
*grins*
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:30, Reply)

Well, that's good news
As I can't be bothered cooking anything proper. Might throw some potato wedges in the oven at some point too.

What a fun night it's going to be...
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:30, Reply)

I came home
Retired to bed with a bottle of whisky and a New Scientist, only to find out that I'm required to cut the hedge now...

Slightly tipsy.

Power tool.

Starting to get dark.


Farewell b3ta, never forgive forget me.
( Cawl, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:43, Reply)

Evening thread is up
*shoos people towards it*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 17:52, Reply)