No, YOU fuck off.
Why aren't you out of bed?

alright.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 7:53, 82 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I'm watching 'Rory Wars' on Channel 5!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 21:03, 49 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

HE'S DEAD JIM!
What are some of your favourite quotes by doctors?

Alt: Worst gig offenders. Who do you think deserves a special kind of punishment for their actions at a gig? Smoking in the middle of a huge crowd. Barging through to their mates at the front with four pints of pissweak lager spilling everywhere. Watching the entire gig through the window of their held-aloft phone. Anyone else?

Altalt: What do you think has no right calling itself a sandwich filling or something someone else likes in a sandwich like mashed potatoes or kippers?
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:10, 118 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So generic last bit of the day thread
So super moon tonight
www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/moonday-night-skywatchers-revel-in-one-of-the-most-impressive-celestial-events-of-the-year-8670250.html

Will this be enough for you to actually risk looking outside?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:09, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

so, wimbledon. is the dour scottish mcmisery going to win it this year?
do you like watching live sport or sport on tv, or do you hate all forms of physical activity, you fat sweaty mess?

alt: death penalty. yay or nay?

altalt: lunch, you fat sweaty mess?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 12:35, 139 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Good morning Ot.
Rory's thread looks shit. Have we had a good weekend?
And suggestions for pub quiz questions please? I want something a bit different from the usual shite I churn out.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 9:37, 127 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Will Nelson be dead by breakfast?
Woss reckon.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 23 Jun 2013, 22:51, 18 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

It's past 10:30 - surely you've all aligned your spoons or ironed your tinfoil (or whatever it is you do on a Sunday) by now?
Question. Do any of you have a 'hot button' (cue pervy responses)? Something that instantly makes you angry? Mine is when people pledge my time/skills*/help without consulting me first. Makes my blood boil to the point where I will not, under any circumstances, do whatever it is I've been volunteered for - even if I actually want to do it.
Share your foibles with the group
Alt: I dunno, something about pulled pork recipes, Whatever.


*an extremely limited set.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sun 23 Jun 2013, 10:37, 25 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

what have you done with your day?
Mine's been superb. My kid loved her first hip hop do and even did a bit of breaking bless her. What she lacks in technique she more than makes up for in enthusiasm. Great music and sausages. Happy days.

Alt: chutneys
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 22 Jun 2013, 20:39, 64 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

MEH!

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 22 Jun 2013, 8:03, 34 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So if you jackpot the euro millions tonight, how would you spend this weekend?
*Generic Evening Thread*
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 20:30, 63 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Drivers: Don't fuck up.
So I was driving home from work the other hour, and what do you know, the truck in front of me threw out the anchor, the whole procedure accompanied by squealing tires and a crashy noise.

I get out, grab my kit, and head over. The truck driver is sitting in his cab, staring straight ahead. In front of the truck there's a nissan micra, with it's driver's side about half as wide as it should be. A quick check showed a driver with a broken left side. Still making some respirative effort, but seeing as his head was soft and I couldn't find an intact bone on the side that got hit I left him be. In the front passenger seat I found a womat, 25-ish, with no feeling below her belly button, signs of concussion, and complaining of neck pain. This one at least was saveable, I helped the 'bolance crew get her out and into the air-bulance.

What really shocked me was the child's seat in the back, together with the busted window. We found the girl after a few minutes, dead from being thrown through said window and into the embankment. Three years old and quite literally battered to death, all because her presumed parents were too stupid to put her in her seat in the correct fashion.

Tl;dr:

Watch the road while driving, and use seatbelts.

/Venting
(GermanGuy invaded on, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 17:21, 141 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Baths or Showers?
If you got a smallish bathroom, would you rather have a big luxorious shower, or an average (but still big enough or you) shower?

Yesterday will getting my treatments I found out that i'm 5ft5.5, I always thought I was 5ft7-8. The fact that i'm counting my '.5 inches' is pathetic enough.

Next week Sony are announcing a "Smart Watch", if they've done it properly I think it would be mega-huge. I really want one, if its done right. I like these too: getpebble.com/ . Signs are pointing to Apple doing one early next year, or maybe even late this year, that would be aceness, i'd get one.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 16:19, 12 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Right you bunch of skivers
Theres not much going off on here so how else are you sacking off Friday?

Alt: So cheating what did you last cheat at?
metro.co.uk/2013/06/20/french-mum-52-caught-posing-as-19-year-old-daughter-to-sit-english-exam-3850436/

Alt:alt: Weekend plans? Got any? What you doing?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 14:41, 133 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Assuming you have no self worth, what B3tan would you be and why?
Alt, what B3tan would you do and why?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 13:20, 70 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Farage had an offshore tax account
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-23001529

"Mr Farage told the Mirror the "world had changed" and what was seen as acceptable in the past was not anymore." Not like racism, then.

What used to be acceptable but isn't now?

Alt: What wasn't acceptable then but is now?

Altalt: lunch?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:45, 75 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

David Icke and a few others are starting a TV station from scratch.
If you started a Telly station what would your programming be?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:31, 130 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Who killed the last thread?
I've nipped to the pub to watch then end of the Spain match.

Got owt planned?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 21:24, 55 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Good evening shitcunts.
I've finished moving in to my new house today & am having a couple of beers whilst my cats run around causing chaos and I try and work out how the oven works.

How are you spending your evening?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 18:55, 114 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Like a real life You've Been Framed
I have just bore witness to a woman parking her car, leaving the handbrake off and subsequently chasing said car into the wall of her work building.

Only on hindsight did I think 'I should have recorded that'

When did hindsight fail you last (apart from when you clicked this thread)

Alt. What was the last thing to make your really LOL in real life.

AltAlt. Weekend shit. Im going to a rainy day bbq
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 15:27, 40 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Woohoo - looks like we're all safe
www.theregister.co.uk/2013/06/20/cps_issues_final_social_media_guidelines_for_prosecutors/

alt: best example of a troll on OT? links if possible
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 13:19, 67 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Fight Club
While I was in Paris last week I narrowly avoided a scrape from a group of french chavs, who first of all asked if I wanted some coke and then tried to nick a cigarette.
With a distinct lack of french in my vocabulary, the only way I could think of to defend myself was to square up and exclaim loudly in English, drawing attention to the group. It worked like as they buggered off and one punched a bin over. Angry.

What are you like in an aggressive situation. Normally I can talk my way out of it but can fight if needs be.

Are you nails or shit in a fight situation?

Who would win out of a B3ta rumble?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 12:12, 26 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

With hollywood's current load of "Hire people who are unknown with british accents" thing, I could go for this....
metro.co.uk/2013/06/20/star-wars-episode-7-casting-call-seeking-several-leading-characters-3849287/?ITO=facebook

I'd fucking love a few hundred grand, maybe even a cool mill, to play someone in a film.

What 'bout you? Would you be in a film, what kind of film would you like to be in? etc etc
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 12:07, 44 replies, latest was 12 years ago)