Five years ago today my life hit such a low point that I ended up signing up for an account with the community support group known as b3ta
With the help of you good people I have managed to turn my life around and am now the success story you see standing before you today.
Thanks guys!!!
How has your life altered over the last five years?
Is it for the better, or the worse?
Share your misfortunes and all your internet chums will probably help.

Alt: Nakers didn't disappoint me last night with his descriptions of how he imagines various posters speak (see populol page).
Can you describe how you imagine the voices of those he left out?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 13:41, 173 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So the word on the street is that mods have been handing out real names to all and sundry
The last word on the street was all about Mince stealing drugs from Stunned poster and making merry with his hoover snout and velvet antlers and waggling little Mince in n out of that Becky fella, so I'm inclined to believe it.

What was the worst abuse of power you ever witnessed? Have you abused your own power? Don't be obvious.

Alt: Who's really the best one on here?

Altalt: Scones.
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 12:38, 109 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I'm in London for the day on Friday and it looks like it's going to rain
Does this mean there'll be less cunts on the streets or the same amount of cunts wielding eye-gouging umbrellas?

How do you handle the rain? Do you take your drenching like a man or hide in a doorway like some fucking, I dunno, rain-weenie?

Alt: Has anyone had a cronut? They look shit.

Altalt: When was the last time YOU were ZARKING!1! (frood) ?
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 11:00, 228 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What's the most immoral thing you've ever witnessed?
Alt: What's the most immoral thing you've ever done*



*Apart from my mother.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 10:56, 67 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Enough of that shit.
I've heard it posited that this newfound unwillingness to wade into yet another foreign war indicates a change in this country's attitude to its place in the world. Perhaps this is a more realistic reflection on our own military capacity and indeed our importance/relevance. You might say that we are finally getting it into our heads that the Empire is gone and we are actually a pretty small country with no business in Syria or indeed any of the other Raghead/Darkie/Slav shitholes. Or you might say that we have a duty to defend the innocent wherever they may be. Or you might say any number of other things. You might also say nothing at all.

What do you say?

Alt: alright
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 9:43, 166 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Morning morning thread! Get ready for japes and funfunfun!!1!!
What do you want to talk about this morning?

I feel great, thanks for asking, that's swell!

What are we all having for breakfast then? Oooh I can't decide! I might have some Lion Bar cereal or some toast with sour cherry jam. OR BOTH!!

Alter: YOU@RE ZARKING FROOD!!!1!!
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Wed 4 Sep 2013, 7:41, 120 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Apparently I filled in a wine questionairre a bit ago, online.
Probably did, can't remember, anyway, a guy from the company has phoned me, wants to come round and bring me a selection of vinos to sample. Is this a blag, a blag to flog me some booze, or something more sinister?
Or I am just being a bit paranoid?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:21, 152 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Generic Evening Thread
Dinner: I'm doing miso noodle soup with mushrooms and pak choi, and karaggi

Telly: There's some dating show on ITV2 (or in an hour on ITV2+1), some kind of come done with me thing.... anyway, the first girl on it, she's poshest person i've ever seen on telly, posher than the queen. She'd make a fantastic bitter ex wife one day. Top Boy is on later.

Alright?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 18:15, 159 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Yeah whad up money grip?
My mother wants to know what I want for my 40th and I haven't a clue, can you help me come up with some ideas please? Ideally ones not involving bent pakis, thanks in advance x

Alt: who or what did you think was the best thing ever when you were sixteen? LOL wanking LOL!!!!!!!*

*not lol
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 16:14, 262 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

so mexican politician Ana María Jiménez Ortiz is against gay marriage because gay people "can't look at each other during sex"
this is shockingly ignorant on many levels. when was the last time you saw or did something ignorant?

alt: blagging. do you admit when you know nothing, or do you make it up as you go along?

altalt: raisins. what's the point?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 14:36, 165 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Hi guys!!
Anyone else's social media outlets filled with "first day of school" pics today? Makes me sick. What makes you sick?

How is Tuesday panning out for you? Half past suicide here and only one coffee down.

Alt. Last thing you bought. Mine was some new hi-tops.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 11:56, 156 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

GET YOUE HANDS OFF MY PENIS.

What should YOU be taking your hands off?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 11:00, 58 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Easiest pub quiz ever.
First prize us, 46/60. Beer vouchers were earned. Have you any small victories that make life worth living? Maybe a random bj?
Alt, sandwich ideas, doing buffet at the weekend?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 9:52, 187 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

At 7 o'clock this morning I walked out of my flat
and made my way to the bus stop. As I walked past the hotel by my gaff this Asian bloke stepped into my path. Here we go, spare cigarette, spare change etc I thought. He looked a bit mental and slightly dishevelled and had no lower teeth in the front of his mouth. Early-mid 20s at a guess. Usual beggar type. But I was very, very wrong:

'do you want a blow job, boss?'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 8:09, 115 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Y'see, da ting is that all da droivin in da woirld wont getcha whoire ya want
I once watched this film. It was in the eighties and my older cousin was in the habit of letting me watch films I probably shouldn't. I think one of them had ninjas riding motorcycles into a skyscraper during a hostage situation with bad dubbing and decapitations. Good times. anyway this one film had the most horrifying cover with a girl looking into a mirror with one half of her face dissolving after something like an acid burn. The only thing I remember about this film is that there was no acid-dissolving-face scene in it. But I sure do remember that video cover.

Dunno why.

Should I be asking a question?
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 1:03, 32 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

BT have fixed my Internet first time!
When were you last truly, deeply shocked?

Alt: not alright?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 19:47, 250 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I'm going home
Are you going home? 'Oil' be glad if you are! Ho ho!

Alt: Plans tonight?

Alt:alt: I keep remembering Nestlé Secret chocolate bars, what do you remember of that ilk?
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 17:30, 164 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Dear God how shit.
What's the matter with you people?

Alt: Seriously, what?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:45, 227 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

When I saw this headline I thought it was real for a nanno-second.
www.newsbiscuit.com/2013/08/30/noam-chomsky-to-become-new-x-factor-judge/
When did you last feel a bit of a knob? Genital jokes are more than welcome.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 14:13, 35 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

My Ipod just shuffled onto "The Streets" first album, it's far better than i remember
What have you rediscovered recently that was better/worse than you remember?

alt: We not had much clothing chat recently, tell me what you're wearing so we can all judge you.

altalt: I have brined some pork. Do you brine your pork?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 14:11, 169 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Well this is interesting
www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-23896855
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 13:12, 161 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Lunch Thread?
I'm gonna have some kind kiev in a roll with coalslore and slap on some BBQ Sauce.

They're goin' on about #LeeRigby on the telly. They ain't have layin' it on a bit thick, ain't they? He's basicly a Diana for a new generation.

Anything good on telly?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 12:11, 137 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Goals
Do you/have you set yourself any goals to work towards, either professional or personal?

Alt:
Did you have a good weekend?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 10:27, 208 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Monday morning.
I really cannot be arsed with today.

Can you be arsed with today? What joys or otherwise have you got in store for you this week?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 7:59, 209 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Sunday Evening.
Have you done your homework before school tomorrow?

I've started doing housework, but I got bored.

Alt: Anything good on the telly this evening?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 1 Sep 2013, 19:42, 123 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

just opened a bottle of red and stuck on View to a Kill starring the best Bond, R. Moore.
What are you doing? Clue: you aren't doing my mum.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sun 1 Sep 2013, 16:54, 121 replies, latest was 12 years ago)