I'm going to a cocktail party tonight.
Someone is already making mojitos and as I have no imagination I now don't know what to make.

Does anyone have any suggestions?
( wanderlust, Wed 31 Dec 2008, 11:24, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yappy Hucking Few Near!!!
Cheers to all assorted fluffers and nutters. Out with oughts and eights. Zero in, Nine!
( cackers, Wed 31 Dec 2008, 10:59, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

What're you doing to see in the New Year?
I'm making a large batch of french onion soup, playing a bit of Fallout and getting an early night. I'm fucking rock and roll, me.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 31 Dec 2008, 9:39, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

TOBLERONE AND PIE FOR EVERYONE!

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 31 Dec 2008, 8:48, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Happy Fucking New Year!
Or maybe that should be Happy Fucking 31st December?


( wanderlust, Wed 31 Dec 2008, 8:07, 60 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

In 2009...
I will quit smoking
I will procrastinate less


*disclaimer* - these are not resolutions (i don't like 'em) just a statement that you would like to make at the dawning of a new year
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 30 Dec 2008, 23:30, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

...
BALDMONKEY FOR SHORTSIGHTED MOD
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Tue 30 Dec 2008, 21:05, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's like Christmas in WW1
We have ardent anti-talkers going there and having an unexpectedly nice reception. Even (whispers his name) JMG was pleasant and courteous to me.

We have /talkers coming here and enjoying the nice, fluffy vibes at Off Topic. Hopefully they feel very welcome too.

Perhaps some of the chap contingent of both sides would like a friendly game of football?
(GloriaHull you puerile slack-jawed drooling meatslapper, Tue 30 Dec 2008, 17:54, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

We've not had a Fact of the Day for a while
When played backwards and at four times its normal speed, Chopin`s Nocturne No.5 in F-Sharp Major bears an uncanny resemblance to "Into The Lungs Of Hell" by Megadeth
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 30 Dec 2008, 17:37, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Laugh track!
Is it just me or does a laugh track actually make comedic moments less funny?

I really enjoy Frasier, yet the laugh track takes the shine off some of the funnier moments.

Yet Peep Show (which I think is over rated, terribly) without the laugh track often gains a bigger laugh from me for less funny moments!
(Dangerous Disco Trev Isn't my real name, Tue 30 Dec 2008, 16:10, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I hope no one has forgot about the beard challenge.
Out of sight thread and out of mind and all that.

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post336347
( girlinthehole, Tue 30 Dec 2008, 16:04, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

WANK!
LOL!
I pulled birds while on self-diagnosed aspergers-heroin child rape.
WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME, YOU RACIST SHITS?
I NO KUNG FU
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 30 Dec 2008, 14:12, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

As /talk seems intent on us merging
maybe we should indulge them.

They seem disdainful of the QOTW because they don't like the threading. Why don't we help them out a bit? We can copy and paste stories from the Best Of pages into /talk for them to enjoy. And the longer stories are the best ones, don't you think?

There are LOTS of stories on the Best Of pages to share.

I can't get there through Axai's proxy at the moment, so I can't lead the way, sadly...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 30 Dec 2008, 14:04, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Death of a 300ZX redux
It appears that the car didn't blow its engine after all. On talking to some friends and to the mechanic who used to work on that car all the time, it looks like what happened was that the turbo blew its seals and clogged the engine with oil and blocked its airflow while spewing oil everywhere.

Said mechanic had a spare turbo for that car, as it happens, and will sell it to me cheaply.

Richard says he and I can install it pretty painlessly. It's six bolts and a few hoses.

And then I'm gonna light up some tires.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 30 Dec 2008, 13:22, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is the word "Twunt" a b3ta thing?
As I caught Charlie Brooker using it last night. He also used the term "epic fail".

I think he may be a closet internet g33k....
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 30 Dec 2008, 12:33, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I STILL HAVE PLENTY CHRISTMAS STUFFING TO GO AROUND
Please, no fat birds.
(Jam Mincer Geordie is oiling his biceps, Tue 30 Dec 2008, 12:01, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Looking on QOTW suggestions
and someone suggested daydreaming.

Mine recently is that I daydream about having a device that pauses time. Oh the mischief.

and free shopping.

and chavscum battery
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 30 Dec 2008, 11:37, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fill in the missing words
If I had a _____, I'd _____ with _____.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 30 Dec 2008, 10:57, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just incase anyone is about today.

( wanderlust, Tue 30 Dec 2008, 8:50, 42 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Holy Gabrielle
and I met up today.

She is luffly! My mummy likes her lots. Drover around for ages looking for the place where she was and then realised the cafe was hiding from us!! I think I'm suffering from Tourist-itis. I can't find anything in NZ!!!

But then mummy got mad because she worked out we'd never met before :(
How very annoying.

But yes. Cheerio - toodle pip! and very glad to put a face to a name!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 30 Dec 2008, 8:22, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

if you were a superhero
what would you want for your one weakness?
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Tue 30 Dec 2008, 0:26, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Why don't you all fuck off back to question of the week?

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 20:15, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Well hellair there.
The name's Ribena but you can call me Ribs, or Wibs as my brother would say. He doesn't have a lisp, he had cancer a while ago. (Or Camther as he says it )*snorts*
I've been dine the local village today and my driver, Jerry, totally let orf in the car. I wouldn't hev minded if it hed been Deddies car as it has one of those window things behind the driver. Anyway, I was nearly sick and jolly well sacked him right there and then. *snorts* Anyway, this man asked if he could blat his nudger up my twannybox and spluff his filthy soup over my slash filters. Well I didn't know what he meant as he is one of the funny poor people who do things on farms or something so I said yes.
Now, what I would like to know, is one allowed to speak of such things here and if so who would like a blowie? *snorts*
Rind of gofe anyone?
(******, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 18:01, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Right guys
Get your arses over onto /talk

We're going to be NICE TO YOU.

It's a new age for b3ta!
(__, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 15:45, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've made, EXCELLENT footsteps towards harmony with this. So I'm giving it to you again in a more well seen light. On the internet.
Ok.
You know how we as a human race like to track hurricanes, so we can monitor and warn people of it's impending strike on land?
Well, imagine a portly fellow wobbles onto QOTW for lively lies and fabrications about his stellar sex life with real life girls, rather akin to second life but without those GEEKS, eh? ;) Those geeks eh? You aren't that sad.
Imagine this gentleman, just as he reaches the PC, drops his gateaux all over the floor. NIGHTMARE! Not like the "Knightmare" you're all probably used to. With the bearded lad and the nonce elves, "WHERE ARE YOU?" "I'M IN A ROOM WITH A FOREST", etc.
Anyway, I'm leading off track. "Portly Fellow A" is now enraged, and as he sits down on QOTW, JMG is on.. Ugh!! That ruddy JMG! I'll show him!
So PF-A decides to have a right go at JMG's every other post, slagging him off as quickly as possible so all the girls can see what an excellent quipster he really, really is. Thus repairing slightly his ever-so-slightly damaged feelings over the gateaux that he's now helping up from the carpet with a desert spoon 50% garnished with trodden wools.

What if this could all happen for everybody to see?
QOTW, TALK, everybody you think exists on the internet?

Wouldn't this, a brilliant reality of fusion make all of your great big wobbly dreams complete?
There's more girls, more people, more FUN on /talk! Come on! It's like you're filthy Communist Russia, where you're told what to do and you have to apply to have fun. As to where we're the swinging west. Happy, free and with a lot less ratio of people to warts.


Chins up and hoist your dump truck butts over to /talk. See me as a man dressed in 80's attire and a "Frankie says Das Relaxen" t-shirt, hammering into your wall of confusion and denial.



We truly are better people, and I am head and shoulders over you all.


Shut down QOTW, expand /talk. 2009.


*Victory signs*
*Flares*
*GMoS endorsed sexy party*
*JMG Anthem*
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 29 Dec 2008, 15:20, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What's the opposite to 'every cloud has a silver lining'?
Mrs SLVA has a pleasing habit of rubbing and stroking my todger until I reach full tumesence then she considers her work done and stops. Ten minutes later she'll start again. It's quite nice when we're cuddled up on the sofa. It's not so nice when she does it as we're parking up in Asda carpark and I'm about to get out the car and walk into the shop. Especially when wearing jogging-bottoms.

However, we were sitting on the sofa last night, I was catching up on some Sky+, she's reading when she reaches over and starts rubbing. I'm rather contented as she hasn't stopped. Then she unfastens my jeans, gets me out and I get a free handjob. Woo-hoo!

But then I start getting close. I'm getting close to red-lining. So I tell her to slow down and pace herself. I want to savour this. But no. She goes really fast but it cannae take any more cap'n and within 10 seconds, the valve fails and I pop my cork.

"Why are you complaining?" I hear you ask. I got man-lard all up my new shirt. Fucksocks
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 15:17, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Can we just shut down QOTW and force these indoors types and office moaners over to /talk?
I'm a grown man, and a hero to tens of thousands on b3ta.
This move has my FULL ENDORSEMENT.


Feel free to completely shift the topic of this thread every other post, in a vain attempt to keep my attention.

Disclaimer:
Again, please, and I wish to stress this. No fat birds, or fat birds pretending to be thin birds on the internet because they struggle to get attention in the world with fresh air and eyes.
I'm not your daily soap (the one on the TV, not the cleansing tool), I'm not here for you to shout, rant, cry and moan at.
Go outside. Meet a man who'll knock you up and leave you, probably.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 29 Dec 2008, 14:58, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Guys
Seriously

Stop sitting at home wanking into a tub of butter

And go for a fucking walk.
(__, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 14:44, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)