I left my work laptop bag on the train yeasterday
It contained my 2 day old laptop, my blackberry, some paperwork and an expensive fountain pen.

Someone has handed it in and I'm off to pick it up from Waterpoo later today! Huzzah!

When did you last believe in the human race?

Alt Q: What's your favourite crumble filling?

Mine is blackberry and apple
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:40, 227 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I was believing in it happily
right up until I discovered that some members of it could manage to leave their laptops on trains. That's pretty much shattered all hope for us, I'd say.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:44, Reply)

I think, fuck you, covers it
It was very early in the morning and Iwas very tired
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:49, Reply)

*bows*
*graciously accepts the fuck you*

You might want to cut down on the frenzied all night wanking then. Leaves a man drained and shattered. So i've heard.

For some reason I struggle with not leaving umbrellas on trains. I reckon I must be close to 20 or 30 down by now.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:51, Reply)

I see the ownership of umbrealls as a transient state
I lose many, but also find many and thus the universe is balanced
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:54, Reply)

this is very true.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:59, Reply)

He's saying he follows you onto trains
and steals your umbrella.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Before I started my job
Now everyone's a murdering, fraudulent paedo.
Nah, I kid, some of you are rapists too.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:50, Reply)

*makes note to update business card*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:51, Reply)

a friend of mine
went through my business card holder thing and took about every fifth one and crossed out "lecturer" and wrote "international cunt" on it instead. I thought that was nice work. I still find them occasionally.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:53, Reply)

One of the lads in work
had some of his sabotaged by another one with a message on the back saying "XXXXX XXXX is a predatory homosexual"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Tidy, there.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Most entertaining when he was popping them in the win boxes at a conference
and didn't notice until the 2nd day. He didn't win anything
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:13, Reply)

I like this
Only managers here get business cards. Elitist jerks.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:58, Reply)

I believe in the Master Race.
And in hip hop legend Masta Ace. I believe in the three-legged race (when you have a penis as enormous as mine you have to).

I believe in the human race in that I am certain it exists. I also believe, however, that they are complete cunts.


Alt: Manali charas. Crumbled into an enormous 'jazz woodbine'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Is Masta Ace
Chinese?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Are you an MP?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:53, Reply)

I may be a lying, cheating, thieving closet homosexual
but I am not a fucking MP!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:59, Reply)

Well you should be, then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:05, Reply)

I like blackberry and laptop crumble.
lol hahahaha, this is relevant to your post.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Oh you cunt.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Be sure not to accidentally put your blackberry in your crumble
etc etc
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Oh YOU cunt.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:59, Reply)

oh hello you cunt!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:59, Reply)

Greetings, greetings, greetings.
I am in a superb mood today.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:01, Reply)

^ It won't last.
That's my guess.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Not now you're here.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:04, Reply)

glad to hear it! any special reason?
i'm in a dreadful mood, got an assessment later on this afternoon where i have to give a presentation and i am so nervous that the usual butterflies are more like giant flapping golden eagles. flapping.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Yes, see DF's thread for explanation.
GOOD LUCK by the way.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:22, Reply)

awwww
that's lovely. you're almost enough to make me reconsider my stance on crotchfruit. almost!

thanks, it is awful being this nervous, i haven't been this stressy about something since....... prob my oxford interview.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:24, Reply)

I'm two minutes funnier than you.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:00, Reply)

That's not a compliment by the way.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:04, Reply)

nothing that only lasts two minutes
is a compliment
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Standing ovation?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:08, Reply)

thanks
but my joke wasn't that good, there's no need.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:09, Reply)

It wasn't really a joke,
just smutty tabloid innuendo.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:09, Reply)

oh wait you meant my comment
if you chose to take it that way, it says more about you than me. that is all.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:15, Reply)

i hate crumble
stewed fruit is just Wrong. the topping is ok though. without the raped manky fruit.

and anyone who even thinks about putting the yellow abortion that is custard on it should be slain instantly.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Proper creme anglaise is fucking wonderful.
It's also not really yellow so we can still be friends.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:00, Reply)

"friends"
is that all i am to you?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:06, Reply)

I'm trying not to let on that there is so, so much more.
People are watching, you know.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:14, Reply)

they're pixels not people
we have nothing to be ashamed of.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:19, Reply)

You couldn't be wronger if you were up to the elbows in Crow.
however, morning.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Nice phrase
This should be adopted into common use.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:03, Reply)

hola chico

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Yes?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:19, Reply)

I am amazed that you know who that is

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:21, Reply)

I used to live with a woman.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:22, Reply)

live with be
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:25, Reply)

with as

surely better.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Whatevs!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:52, Reply)

eeeeow

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:21, Reply)

This is a new low for you

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:21, Reply)

*GLESS*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Sharon?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Sorry Roota.
I made a Cagney and Lacey comment yesterday.

(It wasn't funny then, and I doubt it's funny now).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:27, Reply)

They don't love nostalgia like wot we do Jeff

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:28, Reply)

well
it ain't what it used to be
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:33, Reply)

If I'd have posted that.
I'd have been asked to leave the Internet.

What makes you so special that you think you can get away with it?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:37, Reply)

We like her

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:37, Reply)

i was born special
and i talk about my tits and my pants (hot pink today) a lot.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:40, Reply)

and this is why we love you

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:42, Reply)

I think nostalgia's heyday was either July 2000
or Christmas 1994
EDIT: I meant Christmas 1991
www.meldrum.co.uk/mhp/identzone/bbc2/bbc2_91perfect.html
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:37, Reply)

you don't even like bacon
your argument is invalid.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:03, Reply)

bacon is vile
end of.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Bacon is magnificent.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Custard is God's jizz

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:21, Reply)

You can get proper stuff that's not yellow and is very creamy and vanilla-y
I know this because I grew up thinking I didn't like custard but turns out I just didn't like Bird's custard.
Ew. That sounded wrong. And true.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:25, Reply)

my mum used to make it
i just hate it. i hate cream on stuff, i hate ice cream on stuff, i hate gravy on things like yorkshire pudding - maybe it's me. hmm.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:28, Reply)

maybe it's you?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:30, Reply)

you're riding me already and it's 10.30.... peace out, bro!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Fnarr

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:33, Reply)

I should be so lucky.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:45, Reply)

well this is true
i can't deny it, so i won't.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:47, Reply)

pssst.
I was setting you up for a Kylie punchline.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:52, Reply)

is this your way of coming out?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:54, Reply)

well..... no.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:58, Reply)

When I was younger I didn't like mixing ice cream or cream with stuff
Jelly and ice cream at parties made me wretch. I'd have to have two separate bowls (or in someone else's house I'd just choose one or the other so I didn't come across as the freak I was.)

But now I'm cool with it. And as for savoury, I'm very much in the "Have you nowt moist???" camp. I love gravy and sauce and jus and curry sauce etc etc etc.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:30, Reply)

More importantly....
How is it fair that the 'Top Gear' cunts are still employed after their racist comments re Mehicans, and yet those football spastics got the chop?

I am more racist than I am sexist and found the comments to be rather amusing, but for the sake of consistency they should surely go? And their remarks were not off-air asides but part of their actual show.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Have you heard the tone in the football recordings?
It's not just "banter" it's two guys hating the fact a woman has a job they think a man should do.

Plus Top Gear is all scripted so they probably fired the writer.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:07, Reply)

No I haven't.
Why in God's name would I listen to a word any of those wankers says, ever? My level of interest in the whole affair is coasting at Tunisian levels.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:09, Reply)

i have been too buried in paper here to see the news much
but i did see yesterday that a synagogue has already been torched. 10/1 says that they end up with some other religious nutter in charge when the dust has settled.

i really do not approve of organised religion, but as a woman, i think the idea of a strict islamic government is more frightening than most. god, i'd be stoned on about 137 different counts... drinking, wearing makeup, high heels, sluttery...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:20, Reply)

And you drive.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:22, Reply)

fortuitously without points
thank god for policemen who are willing to flirt with girls in sports cars. where would my licence be without them?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Suspended in my guess Swipe.
Suspended.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Of course they will.
'Intolerant 'aieeee' shrieking oppressive rag-head regime toppled - new oppressive intolerant regime installed'

Yawn.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:25, Reply)

the main source of income for a lot of people in tunisia and egypt will disappear if there's no tourism though
this worries me, they'll all starve!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:27, Reply)

They'll all put their money in pyramid schemes.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Hahahhaa

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Aren't you supposed to ask me to leave at this point?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Obliges

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:43, Reply)

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:51, Reply)

I fucking love that film.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:53, Reply)

Well done sir.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:36, Reply)

This doesn't worry me in the slightest.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:30, Reply)

it would if they were part of europe, we'd be paying for it
wait til it happens in turkey...

but seriously, the thought of more militant religious regimes does worry me. i live quite near the iranian embassy, and it has loads of iranians protesting against their govt outside it every. single. day. with good reason!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Without exception the Arabic world are cunts.
The end.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:33, Reply)

That's harsh.
Ofra Haza was OK.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:37, Reply)

That's nobody's business but the turks!
sorry, that's been stuck in my head all morning for no apparent reason
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:55, Reply)

This^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:27, Reply)

They should get a new Pharoah, and enslave the Jews to build some new pyramids
then the Palestinians can have their country back. Everyone's a winner, except the Jews, but history has taught us that already.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:28, Reply)

This is magnificent.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Problem solved

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:32, Reply)

I'll pop my CV in the post to the U.N. this afternoon
with some anthrax
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:34, Reply)

You are kicking ass and taking names
on the world's problems today!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:35, Reply)

the level of insight in this is astounding
you should run this country
( zulu eh?, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Nope.
If you were an autocratic wannabe dictator who want's to grab as much money as possible from the state, now's not a great time to try to run an arab country. You'll be dragged through the streets within 6 months.

The actual problems are that you'll get a mix of accademics/religious/military leaders who will govern with an enourmous mandate but not much experience. and they'll be incompitant rather than corrupt.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Sensible answer is too sensible

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:39, Reply)

but it's pretty much a given
that religion will become the forefront. and then you end up with iran or afghanistan, where women and homosexuals might as well be born dead, for all the rights and respect they get accorded.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:39, Reply)

If I was homosexual or a woman I would wish I'd been born dead
*eats some red meat and swigs whiskey from the bottle*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:42, Reply)

i can think of quite a few countries where you'd be very happy
bethnal green, for a start.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:44, Reply)

Nope, protests have been relativly secular
Muslim brotherhoods statment yesterday or the day before was very dignified, basically this is a movement of all the Egyptian people not Muslims and the rest of the world has to just accept that.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:48, Reply)

They've been very secular
if what my friend tells me is anything to go by.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:52, Reply)

at this stage maybe
it's what will happen afterwards. out of the inexperienced, internally arguing government, sooner or later someone will come forward and claim that they are the one acting in accordance with what god wants. religion's not even the opium of the masses any more, it's more like the semtex of the masses these days.

also, burning a synagogue? that's pretty anti-semitic, as these things go, makes monty look positively converted!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:53, Reply)

*eats beigel*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:56, Reply)

A few bigots taking advantage of the police being busy
and burning a synagogue isn't necessarily a sign of things to come, it's not exactly Kristallnacht.

Anyway it's still unconfirmed, and actually been denied by a few news sources.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:58, Reply)

it's not that i don't hope you're right
i just think the chances of any of these countries ending up with a democratically elected, fully functioning government that isn't based on religion are slim to anorexic.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:01, Reply)

The best thing I've heard about this whole thing
is a tweet from the Eygiptian square which said, anyone who didn't know about politics before arriving here has been sitting and learning from the others. Just yesterday there were 250,000 people there, who are now motivated relativly informed political activists.
With the internet they can now do more reasearch than was ever possible just 5 years ago.
They'll be alright.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:08, Reply)

but doesn't that worry you even a little bit?
that yesterday they knew nothing, but today they are motivated political activists? a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing, as i prove daily. sounds like there's a massive risk of mob mentality.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Similar would happen here if the police legged it.
There's always a few meatheads wanting to smash stuff, because people are mongs, and Mong is contagious.
Which is why there should be a violent world regime run by ME.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:13, Reply)

There's nothing like a load of rabid YouTube gibberish
to help educate simple-minded Islamic folks, I reckon.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:13, Reply)

You don't have much faith in people do you.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:14, Reply)

I fucking don't.
My supporting evidence: the entire history of mankind.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:15, Reply)

I've was playing Civilisation 5 last night
I got Ghandi to overrun Bismarks germany with elephant archers.
It was lol
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:18, Reply)

*shakes head sadly*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:19, Reply)

nope, if you assume they are going to let you down or do it wrong, you don't get as hurt or disappointed
but less flippantly, i definitely don't have much faith in people in governments, no!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:17, Reply)

Hey -
if he's 'tweeting', the Egyptian can't be that square, eh kids?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:12, Reply)

foursquare eh?
I bet he's mayor of Tahir Square.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:21, Reply)

More's the pity.
Kristalnacht was fucking excellent.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:05, Reply)

that reference was for you by the way.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Thank you.
*burns Reichstag*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:11, Reply)

They are lying.
You mark my words - there will be 'aieee' wailing and flag-burning before long.

When the first western journlist gets beheaded you all owe me a tenner. Each.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:55, Reply)

Well yeah, we have no idea which crackpots will end up taking the lead
But of the people themselves, the mood seems to be that they want to have proper democracy and not be led by religious nuts. I can't speak for all of them. Only Omar Sharif, as he's a close personal friend.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:56, Reply)

this is absolutely right
but "the people" will go about their lives as best they can and before they know it, they'll have some power-hungry mentalist in charge, blaming allah because secretly he thinks he is entitled to live in a house made of solid gold and just likes killing people who disagree with him. also note it will be a HE.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:00, Reply)

but they're not going about their lives right now are they?
They're kicking off. So if they could just keep their wits about them and maintain the vigilance, maybe, just maybe, they won't end up under another crank, this time a religious maniac of some sort.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:03, Reply)

A lovely idea that will not happen.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Ere, I never said I was Doris Stokes.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:08, Reply)

I was just typing "You know Omar Sharif???"
then I realised what I was saying.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:02, Reply)

I do have very good friend called Sherif who is an Egyptian.
So it was only a small exaggeration. I bet I'd BECOME friends with Omar Sharif if I met him too, so it's not unfeasible.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:06, Reply)

we had a landlord at my old estate agency called omar sharif
i think it might have been a coincidence. i doubt he owns a shitty little one bed in whalley range.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:08, Reply)

He likes to keep his options open.
And it's also somewhere to stay when he's playing bridge at a Manchester tournament.
EDIT: I also once voted for a local council candidate called Mohammed Ali because I figured there's nobody better to vote for that The Greatest.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:09, Reply)

I agree with Chompy
Plus I really fucking hate footballers, but find Top Gear entertaining.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Honest answer?
they probably shouldn't be, but because the very fact they did it to camera rather demonstrates that they were joking. Whether that is in poor taste or not is of course open to debate. However, there is strong evidence that Gray and Keys actually ARE sexist, as opposed to making sexist jokes.

But basically it comes down to Sky wanting to sack those two and BBC not wanting to sack TG lot, I expect.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:09, Reply)

And if it went to air it's basically the editors responsibility.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:10, Reply)

indeed

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:16, Reply)

editors directors
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Right, I'm going on the News at Ten to tell a selection of my favourite 'paki jokes'
That'll be fine, right?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Can you tell the nation some new ones?
We've all heard the classics.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I don't know.
I'm not in charge of television editing.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Someone at my friend's local recently was injured in a bike accident
They were knocked off by a car, when they were going 20-30mph. No serious injuries, but he was extremely sore, and couldn't do too much, due to having a very bad back. He'd missed 5 weeks of work due to it, and as a result wasn't doing too well with money.

When the landlord found out about this, he had a quick whip round in the pub, and also had a word with a few of those who can cook. Within a day or two, they'd knocked up weeks worth of food for him, chillis, curry sauces, marinades, pasta sauces, anything that won't take much preparation at all. From what I've heard, he cried when he saw this, as he'd been on cup-a-soups for the last week, and was starting to get thoroughly worried about money.

A few days later, his boss, having heard about this, came round to see him. He offered him a new job. Same money, same hours, but in a different position, so he was able to recover without having to earn nothing. Hearing that story the other night made me smile rather a lot.

Well, there's also this as a nice example. If I can think that's sweet, there's hope for all the other massive cunts in the world! (except TGB)

Alt Q: Apple, or Rhubarb. And RSwipe, you are wrong. Custard is magnificent.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Custard is wrong.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:29, Reply)

^ this ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Custard is magnificent.
Morning!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:31, Reply)

If custard is wrong
I dont want to be right
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Not to worry, I've seen the light
Rswipe also doesn't like gravy on yorkshire puddings. She no longer has any say in the matter.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:35, Reply)

What else COULD you have with a Yorkshire pudding?
How rare
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:39, Reply)

melted cheese and fried onions
and mushrooms
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Not as good as beef, roasties and gravy
Or, subsititute the beef and roasties for sausages.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:43, Reply)

eh?
Surely that would be some kind of Cheshire Quiche?

AA below has it SPOT ON
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:45, Reply)

gravy makes it go soggy, urgh.
like wet bread in sandwiches, or dunking bread into soup, or biscuits into drinks. vile.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:48, Reply)

You mean you don't know the joy of dipping crusty bread, thickly-buttered, into delicious soup
and swallowing its juicy, salty, slippery goodness?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:51, Reply)

*raises eyebrow*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:52, Reply)

So do I, Monty.
I raise it in pleasure.
I did it last night with some scouse that my mum made, but I only had a sliver of crusty bread (a cob actually) with Lurpak light, and it's not the same.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:54, Reply)

It was raised at
'swallowing its juicy, salty, slippery goodness', not the 'dipping bread in soup' bit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:05, Reply)

I knows it

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Exactly! You put (ideally) beef in the bottom, a roastie on top of that, then a little gravy. NOM.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:42, Reply)

^this

( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:35, Reply)

WOOOO
I don't have to go to court tomorrow! The suspect pleaded guilty yesterday. I love it when they do that.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:15, Reply)

they do that a plan comes together


( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:17, Reply)

strikethrough fail

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:17, Reply)

*whistles*

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:19, Reply)

zing!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:23, Reply)

The human race are OK I guess.
I just wish they were a bit more open to having sex with me.

Rhubarb all the way.
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:19, Reply)

*Waves*
Morning Blousie.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:21, Reply)

*waves*
Morning Jeff.

I was a naughty girl and had wine last night : (
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:22, Reply)

How are you feeling today?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:23, Reply)

I'm OK I guess.
I've been working hard so far. I always seem to work better when I'm slightly hungover for some reason.
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Woo!
Go Blousie!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:24, Reply)

What you up to today?

( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:25, Reply)

That's one of the best kinds of naughty!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Have sex with some rhubarb.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:39, Reply)

I doubt the after sex small talk would be riviting.

( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:46, Reply)

At least there wouldn't be uncomfortable conversations about 'meeting up again'.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Why would they want to meet up with me again?

( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Seconds?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:29, Reply)

Fruity.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Last week Noel and I saw a student walk into busy traffic so a mum with a push chair and a small child could cross the street.
That was pretty nice to see.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Are you sure the student wasn't just aimlessly wandering into the road?
They do that a lot.
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:29, Reply)

This is true
They could just be a slow EMO and missed being run over
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:31, Reply)

nope, he walked in to it, stopped, held his arm out to stop the cars in both directions, and then talked to her as she crossed.
and then wandered back to his uni mates.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:31, Reply)

This is better
than my one abortive attempt to help a blind old lady to cross the road
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:36, Reply)

I like this kind of thing
I helped someone carry their bags to our work this morning. Little things like this make the world a happier place /hippy
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:30, Reply)

You ran off with the bags, didn't you?
Fucking northerners.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:32, Reply)

They had cakes in
and sammiches! Of course I did. I stole them in a nice, friendly way though
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:33, Reply)

what, protecting a child
whose mum can't work out how to use a pedestrian crossing? reverse evolution, there.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Someone taking the time
to talk to a tramp yesterday. Also the woman who went to some lengths to ensure my wallet was returned to me as soon as possible.

Alt: I can't stand crumble, or custard for that matter
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:38, Reply)

wise girl
you'll go far.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:41, Reply)

*sees how far she is from waterloo*
Now I can describe what's in it I reckon they'll hand it straightover.

WOO FREE STUFF
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Hahaha!
Quality
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:40, Reply)

I have a reference number, DO YOU?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:40, Reply)

No I am very careless and lost it

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:43, Reply)

This feels like a subtle dig...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:46, Reply)

Re last night's thread
which I saw at 4 in the morning, the finale to season 5 ratchets it up almost unbearably. Just be glad that when the emotionally draining final episode finishes, you don't have to wait months for season 6
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Met some friends last night
Who kept banging on about season 5 of Supernatural. The guy used the word 'meta' a lot when describing it, which both intrigued me and put me off (because it sounds pretentious).
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:45, Reply)

I hate to sound like a twat
but it is a bit meta.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:49, Reply)

I like self-referencing, 4th wall breaking stuff
Or anything that questions the 'reality' of the setting.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Whereas I don't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:53, Reply)

You have enough trouble handling actual reality
without having the television do it too.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:00, Reply)

It doesn't really do any of those things
it's very firmly set within it's own setting. It's meta in the sense that it's highly self-referential but in a way that doesn't accord with our perception. In other words it analyses itself but with its own objective standards.

I am fully aware that is the wankiest sentence ever written and deserves a place in Pseuds Corner
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:56, Reply)

in other words
It's awesome
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:58, Reply)

You summed it up
in fewer words.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:59, Reply)

I am shocked at your superfluous apostrophe.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:01, Reply)

I haven't slept in two nights
I'm surprised I'm not just smashing the keyboard with my face
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Don't do that - you have a lovely face.
Smash someone else's face.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:04, Reply)

A very tempting idea
perhaps the fucking office-drone who wants to steal two hundred pounds from me, because I lost one piece of paper.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:06, Reply)

They sound like the ideal candidate.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:08, Reply)

Sadly the assault charge
probably isn't worth it. Perhaps the old trick of a bunch of flowers sent to the office, and then a surreptitious mugging of her.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:10, Reply)

This is why you haven't realised how shit 'Spaced' was.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:58, Reply)

I'm glad it wasn't me who had to say it

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:59, Reply)

This makes no sense in this thread, if you want wanky Supernatural threads I suggest
that you pop over to gaydar.com
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:45, Reply)

It'll make sense to TGB
and that's what counts
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:49, Reply)

I am the only thing that counts!
And my mum is coming to see me next week and I said I would wait until she was here until I started watching season 6. This may not happen!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Does she watch it as well then?
If you can wait that long, I'll send you a disc with about seven of season 6's episodes on it. I have to resend one to rosalicious since the postmen cunts never got it to her
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:59, Reply)

I may have aquired around 10 episodes of season 6 already but thank you :D
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 11:23, Reply)

I nominate NakedApe
for 'funniest person on the internet today' of the day.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:53, Reply)

Booya!
*rings bell*

*plans prostitute murder to celebrate*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:55, Reply)

'FPOTITOTD' has a certain ring to it, eh?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Snappy, but needs more racism

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 10:59, Reply)