Dead Thread is Dead.
If you could invite 4 people to dinner, living or dead, who would you dine with?

Alt: Tell me about the divvy kid from school.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:20, 178 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'd clone myself and have dinner with three other mes
Because I hate everyone else.

Especially you *glares*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:24, Reply)

*Tickles*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:26, Reply)

*GLESS*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Brian Blessed, Billy Connolly, Tommy Cooper and Stephen Fry
I just think the conversation would be magnificent.

Alt: Due to being split into sets, I never spent any time with the real retards/arseholes in lessons.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:25, Reply)

Connolly is a fucking cunt.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:27, Reply)

I disagree

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:28, Reply)

He's woeful. All he does is swear badly on stage.
The only funny thing about him is him being molested as a kid.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Again, I disagree

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:35, Reply)

I love you, man.
10/10
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:41, Reply)

:D

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:48, Reply)

*pats head*
You were the retard
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Well, that too.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:28, Reply)

There was a guy who ate mud if you dared him
he was also a haemophilliac or something so if you flicked him he'd bruise.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Also bbc news caption of the day
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-12492309
(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:27, Reply)

A boy ate a mouthful of muddy worms for a fiver at ours.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:28, Reply)

I'd buy your ticket to Oxford if you eat muddy worms while you're there.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:30, Reply)

www.grouprecipes.com/35610/muddy-worms-worms-in-dirt.html
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Albert Fish, Hitler, Hendrix, Timmy Mallett.
One boy in my tutor group was caught wanking – in a lesson.
The same lad and another boy were caught in the lavatories playing ‘firemen’ with their snorkel jackets done up to the top.
There was also a smelly boy called Michael Green who was, effectively, Danny Kendall. He’d been booted out of all the other local schools and soon left ours, after he punched the Head of Music (a great public service: the man was a fucking cunt who said ‘liddle’ instead of ‘little’ and accused boys of ‘pradding around’. He wore a dove-grey leather blouson), kicked the French doors of the music room open and ran off across the field. Every overlooking window was filled with cheering boys.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:27, Reply)

You are Michael Green
AICyou'reaBennyontheloose
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:28, Reply)

I barely said two words at secondary school.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Why not?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Mouth full of cock

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Pfft.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:34, Reply)

I was smart enough to realise
that knowing the answers and piping up with them in class was a surefire route to bog-washes. My brother explained how things worked before I started.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:39, Reply)

There was a boy called Adam Light who was bullied for five years
on a daily basis because of the first two words he uttered at school: his own name. He was asked by a teacher what his name was and he replied ‘Adam Li-ight’ in a ‘gay’ way. That was it – five years of taunting. He’s probably ‘done a Moaty’ by now. He was obsessed with horror films.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:37, Reply)

A lad with the hilarious name of Paul Dumper
once called Mr Davies 'a fucking Jew'. Mr Davies was indeed a fucking Jew.
He also piped up in maths 'Sir! Sir! That's a rather gay watch you have on'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:30, Reply)

And was the watch in question bent?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Yes. Slimline digital, in gold.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:37, Reply)

Ahh... The days of the hourly chime.
And setting your alarm off so it went off during assembly.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Jeff Bridges for someone to flirt with.
Dalai Lama for deep and interesting conversation.
Eric Morcambe for the lols.
Lastly a big fat drag queen for the sexual gossipy stuff.
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:34, Reply)

Well, seen as TGB is intending on creating another 4 of her, I don't think you'll have any problems finding the last one.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:35, Reply)

I would have thought that was more up your street.

( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:36, Reply)

Hey stop being mean to my clones

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:43, Reply)

I'm neither big, nor fat
Then again, the only big thing about TGB is her cavernous minge, hur hur

/Bobby
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:44, Reply)

I will get DG to ruin all of your tshirts, is that what you want? IS IT?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:48, Reply)

Nooooo!
I'll end up a bitter old man, twisted with hate against the world, wearing nothing but black, so no drinks can ruin my tops, and further stain my soul...

Also known as 'doing a Monty'.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:49, Reply)

Stephen Fry is a definite
despite the latest installment of his memoirs being a load of self pitying drivel. I'm not sure about the other three. Caesar would probably be interesting.

The divvy kid at school was about 4'11, had a Tim Henman haircut with terrible dandruff, screamed whenever the ball came near her no matter what sport was being played and whenever she laughed, snot came out of her nose. She had the emotional and mental age of a 10 year old. She was possibly the only person in the entire school to be bullied more than I was.
I noticed a schoolfriend had added her on facebook the other day so I wandered over to her profile. She's got 3 kids and lives in a council flat in Blackburn with a creepy rat-like fella who is clearly at least 10 years older than her. Bleurgh.
(berk, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:38, Reply)

Hey, I love her - is that a crime?
Age is only a number.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Like you'd be seen dead in Blackburn!

(berk, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:42, Reply)

^this
It's my home town.
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:44, Reply)

Ugh I'm sorry Blousie but it's a shithole
and I'm from Preston, so I know of what I speak.
(berk, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:46, Reply)

I still win this, don't I?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Skem via Macc, wasn't it?
yes you do.
(berk, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:50, Reply)

Skem first, then Congleton, then Macc, aye.
Woo hoo!

Shit...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:50, Reply)

Ours was called Charlotte
She was one of those people that was just ASKING for bad things to happen to them. She didn't own any music at all, but had 35 rabbits. She used to say things that she knew people would pick up on and take the piss out of her for, with this little smile on her face. I set her hair on fire in English once.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:42, Reply)

That was nice of you.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:44, Reply)

She was an absolute cunt, to the point where the teachers ignored what we did to her.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:45, Reply)

Aye, we had people like that, and I used to give them shit, the same way others gave shit to me
I feel an absolute cunt about it now.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:46, Reply)

I just checked her Facebook
I'd still happily do it again.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:49, Reply)

I bet she's sweet and pretty the bitch.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Nah, more shrieking and unkempt.
Just up your street, probably.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:57, Reply)

I don't think we should start an argument about taste bella
/seen the backdown on both forrests and housing benifit in the last 48 hours?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:59, Reply)

I have, it's quite interesting
But I feel that it's just a case of "OK, we'll give them one thing they want and they'll back down on everything else". The cunts.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:01, Reply)

I think they're losing some momentum
and the repeated bad figures/news coming out is making it hard for them to get much done.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Catullus, if he'd stop bangin' on about Clodia/Lesbia.
My paternal grandfather, because he seemed awesome. J G-L, for eye candy, and quite possibly St. Augustine in his "chaste-but-not-yet" days.

Alt: Probably me, to be perfectly honest.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:43, Reply)

Were you bullied by the geeks?
If not, then you're fine.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:45, Reply)

I'd convinced myself Lab wrote that and thought, St Augustine is a bit of a weird one.
Must have scrolled past a couple of times as well.... did you change your name to Lab for a while?

*crazies*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:53, Reply)

I'd be more worried by the "eye candy" bit.
No, I discussed this with someone a few days ago, I've only changed my name twice. Once for Hallowe'en, the other when we made sure we pissed off someone who laid into someone for having a military title in their name. I picked one of the more obscure ones.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:55, Reply)

I dunno who JGL is
Are they related to JLS?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:01, Reply)

Joseph Gordon-Levitt
I find him delicious.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:02, Reply)

ooooh
he has phases he was yummy -like in Inception. And occassionally looks a lot like Heath Ledger. He is really fucking skinny though
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:06, Reply)

But I like really fucking skinny.
s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/terminal01/2011/2/9/14/enhanced-buzz-25498-1297279737-26.jpg
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:09, Reply)

Ahahaha

(berk, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:10, Reply)

This thread is great
"imagine if you had a social life"
(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:45, Reply)

In a 6th Form art lesson we once had an experiment to see how much masking tape it took to tape a ginger to a wall
We had locked the door and when the teacher knocked asking why, one of the guys yelled because I'm naked, we're doing life drawings.

12 rolls of tape later the ginger was successfully taped to the wall. He fell down about an hour later though taking most of the wallpaper with him.

/tedious story about schools that are only ever funny to the people that were there
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:46, Reply)

No, that's brilliant.
The best thing that happened in our art room was that once, a pigeon flew in. The art teacher tried to beat it to death with a broom, and when that didn't work she locked it in the kiln and turned it on.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:48, Reply)

Did she eat it after?
I just remembered setting fire to a bag of "art" (mainly dried leaves and paper) when I flick lit a match at my mate and he moved.

We spent lunch getting stoned in the park collecting "better more arty leaves"
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:50, Reply)

The rumour was that she stuffed it under her smock and deposited it on the playing fields
Almost as funny as when one of the school hamsters died, and the little uns buried it and had a funeral. 2 days later they found it, dug up by a fox and partially eaten.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:52, Reply)

Nice
Was an imprompt biology lesson called?

There is something theraputic about cleaning bones
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:55, Reply)

The little uns at my school were 7-11
They were traumatised.

We didn't do much disection. Only hearts, I think.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:56, Reply)

When I was around 5 or 6 me and my dad were walking
in the lake district and came across a dead/rotten/half eaten sheep. I think my dad enjoyed telling me things eat other things even fluffy sheepys, and things die. And get eaten. And decompose (or decomode as I rather amusingly used to call it)

Oh it's a wonder with a childhood like that I didn't grow up to be a pessimistic bitch
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Hahaha
I remember coming across a goose (or some sort of waterfowl) skeleton and being fascinated by the teeth.

My dad encouraged me to be a scientist, so I dissected a heart when I was around 8 or so. Very interesting. And a fish. Its heart was pyramid-shaped.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:05, Reply)

I remember dissecting a heart for biology GCSE
all the 'girly' girls were shrieking in the corner, so I wandered over and calmly explained that they were being pathetic. When I got told to fuck off I chucked the heart I was dissecting at them. Two of them threw up and one fainted. /snigger
(berk, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:02, Reply)

A black girl fainted?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:04, Reply)

I went to a fee paying grammar, Monty
no blacks there. (genuinely, there weren't - although it was a pretty small school)
(berk, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:07, Reply)

We had one black man in Winchester: 'Black Rob'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:11, Reply)

we want his name
Not his colour and occupation
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:27, Reply)

It's nothing more than a large lump of uncooked meat.
It's more unsettling when it still has a face, but we never got to that stage at school.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:06, Reply)

We dissected eyes and kidneys as well
and watched the teacher dissect lungs and a rat.
(berk, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:08, Reply)

My father came home from the butcher's with heart, liver and lungs
he discovered something in the windpipe of the lungs and almost threw up and stopped the experiment. I never got to see :(
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Richard Nixon, Martin Scorsese, Mike Patton and Eddie Izzard
When I was in Sixth Form a bunch of lads in the common room dared one of their "mates" to drink a mug of cold tea into which they'd also deposited a good quantity of their saliva. They'd been considerate enough to eat a bag of Skittles between them first so the substance had a little colour and flavour to it. He did it for a grand prize of 15 pence. No word of a lie.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Izzard is a legend

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:48, Reply)

leg bell
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:50, Reply)

Again, I disagree.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:51, Reply)

I absolutely did not see that coming

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:52, Reply)

You say 'predictable',
I say 'reliable'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:54, Reply)

The only thing that's predictable about you is your penchant for unpredictability
and, y'know, your utter disdain for 99% of popular culture
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:55, Reply)

And his abject poverty

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:04, Reply)

And his penchant for assembling a serious drug collection
(not that he needs it all for the trip)
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:04, Reply)

I was just about to finish my cup of tea.
I won't now. Thanks Darth.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:50, Reply)

I'm here to help
Tea is evil and must be punished
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:51, Reply)

Fuck you.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:51, Reply)

Not even if you let me videotape it

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:53, Reply)

But I'm allergic to coffee and need to wake up.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:52, Reply)

Also, coffee is shit

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:52, Reply)

You're allergic to coffee?
That's unusual. I don't know how I'd cope
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:54, Reply)

By not drinking coffee, I assume.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:55, Reply)

If I woke up allergic to coffee I'd invest in stocks of Red Bull immediately

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:56, Reply)

Tea is better anyway

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Pro Plus for me
Unless I'm exceptionally hungover, then it's double vodka Red Bull.

It's weird though, I can drink decaff coffee and have other caffeine based things, but coffee = bad.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:59, Reply)

How bizarre
I should've known you'd have your wakeup cures lined up
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:03, Reply)

It's the same with pear cider
I just can not drink it.

Anyway, I should probably stop whinging about things I can't drink and go put some make up on. I get to go to CHURCH today!
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Won't you burn in there?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:09, Reply)

God gives me special dispensation for weddings, funerals and christenings.
He's nice like that.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:12, Reply)

Tea is one of the best substances in the world.
Tea, tobacco and oxytocin.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:57, Reply)

I accept that not liking tea places me firmly in the minority
Along with not liking tomato ketchup, nuts of any kind and Michael McIntyre. That last one is absolutely perplexing
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:58, Reply)

*backs away from wierdo from Norfolk*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Oh please
I'm in Norfolk (NOT from), how much further away can you get?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:01, Reply)

I do not like Michael McIntyre.
I don't like ketchup in ridiculous quantities, but a little is nice. As for the nuts, each to their own.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:07, Reply)

Lemmy, Henry 8th, Marilyn Monroe and Leonardo da Vinci
We would dine on fine food and finer wines then after dessert would tag fuck Marilyn over the coffee table.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 11:59, Reply)

totally read that as Lenny Henry
Which is secretly what you wanted to write. *judges*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:00, Reply)

FUCK YOU, my dead cat is funnier than Lenny Henry
but he was run over by a clown...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:01, Reply)

It took me three reads of that to realise that you didn't say Lenny Henry
I was about to give you a damn good chastisin'
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:00, Reply)

Lemmy, Henry 8th
I think you mean Lenny Henry.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh-Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:00, Reply)

My ex has taught my little'un one joke:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Eleni.
Eleni who?
ELENI HENRY.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:02, Reply)

She got her sense of humour from you then?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:05, Reply)

And she is denying your daughter the right to tell that joke to your mum?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:10, Reply)

Good choices.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:01, Reply)

A bit of rock and roll, a bit is interest and some flange

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Something for you to spend your millions on
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/world-war-2/8329493/Picture-of-Heinrich-Himmler-moments-after-suicide-on-sale.html
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:10, Reply)

I already have a full back tattoo of that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:31, Reply)

There's a divvy kid here now.
On the first week here he started eating cardboard infront of all of us, we asked what the fuck he was doing then he smashed a pint glass on the floor before shouting "LEAVE ME ALONE" and legging it out in floods of tears.

On Monday we were in a hip and trendy bar, he turned up dressed as the Terminator. He fell flat on his face walking to the bogs, got up, didn't say a word and then ran home. Nice guy.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Wow. He sounds like a proper window-licker.

(berk, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:06, Reply)

He's definitely going to go into a primary school in a leather trenchcoat and kill everyone inside one day.
He's definitely not eighteen either, we all reckon he's about thirty four.

Another good example, we all went on a bar crawl about a month ago. He went out like this tinyurl.com/6h5fela ....it wasn't fancy dress.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:11, Reply)

I sense he has cider problems.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:13, Reply)

Hahaha!
Awesome
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:14, Reply)

That's a bit Moaty.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Schizoaffective disorder lols
Srs he needs psychiatric input
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:26, Reply)

I like him already!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:07, Reply)

He sounds superb.
More updates on this fellow asap please.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:10, Reply)

I would invite four good looking prostitutes who would insist on performing every distasteful act I could imagine before the soup course.
We tryed not associate much with the divvies at my school. They were mostly too violent, or didn't understand the taunting they were receiving.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Are you Samuel Pepys?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:09, Reply)

I wish I was.
The cheese burying philanderer.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:11, Reply)

Shelley Kelly, the boss eyed smelly.
Please folks, avoid giving your child a name that rhymes. It's just cruel.
( wanderlust, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:15, Reply)

There was a girl in our year called Camilla Shadbolt
It took me five years to realise this as I always thought her name was Shagbolt.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:16, Reply)

I knew a girl at college called Holly Berry
I mean, you just wouldn't do that to your kid, would you?
(berk, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:18, Reply)

I would
I'm looking forward to passing on my ludicrous surname to my kids. I already enjoy listening to the wife having to spell it over the phone with mounting frustration.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:19, Reply)

My surname is easy to spell
but probably fewer than 1 in 20 people actually pronounce it right when they meet me.
(berk, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Does it rhyme with the big wet thing that surrounds Britain, or does it rhyme with the big blue thing that hangs above us?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:23, Reply)

I have to admit I did wonder that when I found out your name

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:24, Reply)

My Mum really wanted to call her daughter Holly
and then she married my Dad and realised it wasn't happening.

I knew a girl once called. Autumn Rose Sarah Ellis. Seriously. As you may have guessed, her parents were well posh and probably didn't realise what they'd done.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:24, Reply)

Ha ha

(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:26, Reply)

I was once asked by a director in work to setup two email groups
Northern Housing Implementation Team (or [email protected])
Southern Housing Implementation Team (or [email protected])

to save my job I decided to mention the abbreviation might not be the best email address to give to our customers.

I did also hear a story about Northumbria Uni in Newcastle potentially changing their name years ago to Central University of North Tyneside and went as far as getting thousands of pounds of stationery printed before they realised
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:28, Reply)

shame Monty's surname is Benny then really

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:28, Reply)

Strangely enough
my other half asked me this same question on monday night. I was a bit stumped to be honest. I got as far as Lemmy and then ran out of ideas.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:15, Reply)

Ooh, very good!

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Lemmy Heather Mills

Amputeelols.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:49, Reply)

I could come if you don't mind, I'll bring the starter.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:01, Reply)

I've changed my mind, and I've got another story
Brian Clough, Stanley Kubrick, Michael Jackson and Frankie Boyle. I just want to know how offensive he really is. I reckon he might be a lovely bloke IRL. And if he's not I'll glass the cunt.

On the last day of Sixth Form before A-levels began I was beckoned over to join a photo by a group of about 15 lads (read: absolute twats), many of whom had spent the previous 7 years making my life an absolute living hell on account of my being a four-eyed geek who was crap at Rugby. So desperate for validation was I that I hurried over and joined in, rather than providing the more appropriate response of "fuck you, you cunts".

I still cannot believe I didn't see the foam pies coming.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Pfffft
Still, I bet they made your hair look really cool.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:18, Reply)

I had shoulder-length hair
Nothing could have helped

EDIT: I've just remembered that you're one of the two B3tans who like my hair and that this revelation may have traumatised you. Don't worry. It was a long time ago and I've learnt my lesson
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:22, Reply)

I didn't say I liked your hair
I said you looked less like a raving bumder on the telly than we thought you did.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:32, Reply)

You did once
Fucking ages ago
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:35, Reply)

I have never liked your hair
don't be such a tosser.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:40, Reply)

I've just realised that I'm not talking to who I think I'm talking to
Apologies, you cunt
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:43, Reply)

Wanker

(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:44, Reply)

Shitbag

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:48, Reply)

We've all made hair mistakes.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:32, Reply)

Me more than most, I suspect

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:35, Reply)

I caught a glimpse of my natural hair colour yesterday
It's surprisingly light. And will soon no longer be visible. Unless I choose to try and dye it back to an approximation.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:36, Reply)

I haven't seen my natural hair colour since 2001
because it's fucking boring. Strongly considering going blonde again soon
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:39, Reply)

I'm most likely going to stay dark, actually.
Suits me a lot better and makes me feel less like the milkman's baby.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:41, Reply)

It does suit you, you are right.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:43, Reply)

I spent many a year blonde
before I gave in and went grey! :o(
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:41, Reply)

I suspect Frankie Boyle really is a bit of a penis actually.

(berk, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:19, Reply)

*prepares glass*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:22, Reply)

His "My Shit Life So Far"
wasn't too bad a read. Quite entertaining descriptions of drinking and drugs mixed with starting out as a comedian
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:23, Reply)

I was quite intrigued by that actually
I like that he insisted the title be reproduced in massive block letters
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:26, Reply)

It was a good autobiography name I thought

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:29, Reply)

Certainly sets his stall out
and it's less harrowing than mentioning Glasgow
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:40, Reply)

his offensiveness might be more amusing
if he didn't steal all his material from the internet
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:26, Reply)

Julius Caesar because he's great
Livia so she could fill in the gaps of my thesis, possibly Stephen Fry not because I especially like him but I reckon he'd be a good guest and for my fourth someone pretty for eyecandy. Robert Pattinson maybe.

Alt: I went to loads of schools, met loads of weirdos. First day in year 6 in a new primary school a boy punched me in the neck, then tried to break my wrists so I punched him in the stomach. I was promptly told not to hit 'poor Jamie' as he had a tube in his stomach. The cunt was allowed to hit anyone he wanted
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:40, Reply)

Doesn't everyone have tubes in their stomachs?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:42, Reply)

it seems not

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:44, Reply)

Lesson there was 'only punch his nose', I think.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:45, Reply)

I'm disappointed you missed
my essay into racism above.

Nah his mum came down to complain about me. Despite his illness he was incredibly and weirdly strong so he pretty much got his own way
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:47, Reply)

It was an ignition tube
He lost a bet
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:44, Reply)

My dad, but only if he is a ghoast, not as a zombie.
Ditto with Isabell, the lady who used to babysit me and clean the house once a month.
And my mum because she would like to see them too.
And Nancy From Hollyoaks, because my future wife should see them.

But I can't stress enough, not as zombies.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:49, Reply)