Raisins to be cheerful. Warning: may contain traces of earthy humour
Well, my life's on the up for a change. Not only will I be having my daughter to stay once a week (sorry but FUCKING COME ON) starting in July but even my ex's fucking nightmare of a mother has been forced to concede that I'm being a good dad, and my child is clearly keen on seeing me as often as possible. I know this is extraordinarily dull for you all but this is a major, major turning point in my life. I've even been offered help redecorating to make my home more pleasant for all concerned.

If I hadn't been really fucking ill for nearly a week I'd be 100% chirpy. Just be pleased for me you cunts - and pleased for yourselves that I should be stopping my incessant fucking whining soon.

Question: after how many days of having a stinking cold/sweats etc should one get oneself to a doctor?

Alt: Give your predictions for the B3tan winner and sinner for this weekend's ba$h. I'd be coming myself if it wasn't in the fucking north and I wasn't seeing HAWKWIND SUPPORTED BY WILKO JOHNSON on Saturday, and if I gave a toss, or something.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 8:30, 148 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Never, because it's only a cold.
If you're really screwed, get some Lemsip or something like that.

Alt: I'm predicting the return of Cockneck this weekend, so whoever does that is a winner.
Anyone who breaks one of BGB's chairs will be the sinner.

EDIT: Really happy for you fella!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 May 2011, 8:38, Reply)

So me then.

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:51, Reply)

I am terribly chuffed for you chap, may this be the start of an upward turn in your dealings with E's mum.
I'd like to commend you for your patient, stalwart attitude and stiff upper lip but I can't. You're a terrible, terrible bastard.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 23 May 2011, 8:39, Reply)

Noel has hit the nail on the head here
You cunt. Well done mate, I am exceedingly chuffed for you!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 May 2011, 8:47, Reply)

Thank you, old bean.
Thank you both.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 8:52, Reply)

Tee hee "dealings with E" tee her

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:09, Reply)

That's how it's spelt dude, otherwise it'll just be dalings.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Man up,
or go to the pharmasist. If you've just got a cold they won't do much for you.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 May 2011, 8:57, Reply)

Buy vitamin C and cane it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 May 2011, 8:58, Reply)

Massive congratulations mate, long time coming.
It's a cold MTFU you pussy, vitamin C and chicken soup, rest and no booze.

I don't know who is braving the wintery North this weekend, so I'll just say that BGB will be lovely to all and everyone.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:02, Reply)

I brave the wintery north every day!
It is fucking windy up here today
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:17, Reply)

Congratulations mate - this is fantastic news.
q - a week. That's about how long I wait.
alt - winner: Blousie, for hosting.
sinner: Kevin. Most likely for falling asleep on non-alcoholic beer again.

I had a lovely surprise in the mail today - I got a randomburn! I was so happy to receive one. :)
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 May 2011, 9:06, Reply)

I read that as randombum...
Australia's postal service obviously goes in for the personal touch
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:07, Reply)

yeah, they shout surprise and everything here.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 May 2011, 9:08, Reply)

*buys plane ticket*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:09, Reply)

Hahaha, good old Beekers!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:12, Reply)

My money is on clendrix knocking someone out, proper queensbury rules.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:12, Reply)

It may be AA, history tells us his eye doesn't hold up well to random punching

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:15, Reply)

I'm not there.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:18, Reply)

UR The Zombies AICM latin-inflected pop classic

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Clendrix isn't there either.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Then she is also the Zombies and.....

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Hang on, isn't that 'She's Not Th-"....I get your point.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:21, Reply)

I thought this outrageous mocking of our favourite ballroom dancer deserved a post

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:21, Reply)

You missed my reply and the failed strikethrough

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:22, Reply)

I know
Your reply added nothing, and Darth's attempt to save face was a little sad.

And I'm blowing my own trumpet here, get your own if you want one.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:23, Reply)

*parp*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Poor old Martin. He doesn't help himself does he?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:23, Reply)

He'll have to take a super injunction out, to preserve what little is left of his dignity.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:30, Reply)

I can't Imogen why
/tediousjoke
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:36, Reply)

giggety.

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:57, Reply)

I think we've been over this
I am the Vader of gay jokes - it is too late for me, son.

In other news, my hearty congratulations on your top-notch announcement. Wilko Johnson, eh? Nice.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Innit blud.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:51, Reply)

I suppose I've rescinded my rights to ask you not to use my real name
Although my reasons for doing so have nothing to do with privacy, I just hate it.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:59, Reply)

It could be worse, though, couldn't it?
Morning you.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 May 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Morning sweetie
Congratulations on pub quiz glory :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:08, Reply)

You know where you are, right?
And thus that, even were you to be successful in persuading people not to call you Martin 35 Fetish Telephony Operator from Walsall, it would only be because we'd come up with something you liked even less, right?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:04, Reply)

I don't mind the meme, it's funny
and I think you've all managed to quite successfully come up with several things I like less.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:14, Reply)

*picks up bullhorn*
*looks at knackered whip and mostly decayed horse carcass*

BUMD--oh, sod it...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Hahaha
Nicely done sir, have a click
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:17, Reply)

fuck me
he's from Dunstable.....

Now i'm scared!
( hooker1uk Filth monger of the lowest degree!, Tue 24 May 2011, 21:54, Reply)

After this long with a bit of a sniffle.
Get thee to an undertaker rather than a doctor.

Should you pull through, I predict that you will find something else to whine about, even though I am very pleased that you are gaining greater access to your daughter, who now stands a better chance of growing up in culturally rich environment.

Everyone who goes to Saturday's bash will be a winner. All others, I'm afraid to say, losers.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:24, Reply)

YEAH!
*fist pumps*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:25, Reply)

I'll try to cope with this crushing disappointment as I see two of Britain's greatest music legends,
knowing that a mere 2,500 miles to the north a queue of internet spastics with be snaking across BGB's snow-covered garden, waiting to use her outdoor lavatory. AND I WON'T BE ONE OF THEM.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Outdoor Lavatory?
I'm going to piss over the garden wall.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:33, Reply)

I wonder if John Savident lives next door.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:35, Reply)

You know too much soap related trivia
I put this down to sitting opposite tabloid readers on the tube.

I'm being kind here.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:54, Reply)

I used to live with a woman.
That said, the emergency call transcript from when he got stabbed in the neck by a rent boy is one of the most amusing things I've ever read.

Also he based his vocal delivery on Foghorn Leghorn, which is an excellent thing to do.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Best excuse for almost anything.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:59, Reply)

I live with two women
and I have no idea who that is.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:07, Reply)

A Google image search tells me he was in A Clockwork Orange which I did not know,
ah said I did not know.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)

This made me laugh,
so I imagine anyone who actually knows who the fuck you're on about is in paroxysms of hysteria right now
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:12, Reply)

That's right boy.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:23, Reply)

OMG!
YOU'RE GOING TO SEE PINK FLOYD AND DAVID BOWIE!!!!!!??????
(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:36, Reply)

I NO!!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:39, Reply)

I love this post!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Congratulations old chap
As for the cold, I recommend googling your symptoms and picking the worst possible suggestion. You might, for example, have tuberculosis or meningitis. As such it would be IRRESPONSIBLE not to go to the doctors.

ALT: I shall be trying very hard to be completely unmemorable this time round.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Wear a roll-neck jumper and eat 50 Pro Plus.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Sounds like a plan.

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Enough of this sarcasm
Is it just a blocked nose and associated tiredness and headaches? If so, mainline Vitamin C until it fucks off, and get enough sleep for a change. If you're consistently dizzy it could be something like anaemia, which you should have blood tests to confirm.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Vitamin C has no effect on your ability to fight of colds

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:01, Reply)

I did not know this.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:03, Reply)

My kidneys are aching today and last night I felt like I'd gone to bed with the heating on full.
Sweating like a rapist, dehydrated etc. I'd ignore it apart from the fact that I have indeed ignored it since early last week.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Fuck it Monty.
get yourself to a quack TODAY.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:05, Reply)

DO NOT LET HIM TAKE A BLOOD TEST!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)

I don't want to melt the syringe.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Bartles is right
That's not just a cold mate. That's your body asking for help. Go to a doctor's.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)

My body can fuck off with its requests for help.
I mean, what's it ever done for me?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I believe it created a small, cute, human being
God knows how, but there you go.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 May 2011, 10:13, Reply)

^this
It has also, fuck knows how, managed to endure being forced to ingest the GDP of Colombia for over twenty years.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:16, Reply)

This is actually a really positive note on which to start the week
(As is the news about your daughter, boom boom)

Regarding the cold - if you've actually got to the point of fever then take a day out to sleep it off. Keep yourself warm to the point of being uncomfortable and that ought to shift it.

Alt: I haven't a clue. I shall, however, be spending the entire bank holiday weekend-plus-a-bit-more in the "fucking north" so there's a danger I'll come back wearing a flat-cap, abbreviating the word "the" to "t'" and telling everyone "'ow much better it were in mah day."
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Your day?
The late noughties?

(you're young)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:19, Reply)

he's older then I am :D

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 May 2011, 10:23, Reply)

I've got t shirts older than you.
(I actually have)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:24, Reply)

I don't think I can match this claim
but I've got a pair of Converse All-Stars that I bought in 1996 that I still wear. I'm assuming that's younger than Poppet, if she's at Uni...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:26, Reply)

I have a jumper I bought in Paris when I was 18
It is now nearly 20 years old. Christ, that's depressing.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 May 2011, 10:27, Reply)

by 4 years.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 May 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Ugh, this must be how it feels to be Monty
Except without the painful kidneys. You must be the youngest OT resident then surely? Lampers?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:31, Reply)

No, I'm a year older. I think?
Possibly 2.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)

I think we have a new champion
Who's oldest? Haven't seen Larry Vest in a while so he's out.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)

She's four years older than your shirt,
what are you math-fails banging on about?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:38, Reply)

"the shirt is younger than Poppet"
"yes, the shirt is younger than me by 4 years"

shirt is younger than me by 4 years = I am older than the shirt by 4 years.

Your point?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:41, Reply)

You don't expect me to read these posts properly do you?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:43, Reply)

-shrugs-

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:43, Reply)

No, it was a shirt.
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:44, Reply)

damnyouautocorrect.com/images/shit-bathroom.jpg
(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:47, Reply)

That really made me lol.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:49, Reply)

What a dreadful pun. I bet you stole that one.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Ouch. That took a minute.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:49, Reply)

You have no idea what she's cape-able of...

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:53, Reply)

And you should know.
I have puns. Cag-oule of the puns.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:55, Reply)

That's right. He'll fleece anyone.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 23 May 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Well I thought it was funny anyway

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 23 May 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Glad to hear it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 11:11, Reply)

bloody hell.
that's scary....
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 May 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I have a Thee Hypnotics t shirt I bought in 1989.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:29, Reply)

That's older than me.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Yeah thanks love.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:30, Reply)

I got told off on the bus for complaining how 21 is old.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Rightly so.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)

I thought I was going to be 20 this year :(
What does scare me is that my passport expires when I'm 29.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:35, Reply)

My passport expires in October
It'll be 10 years since I started sixth form college and it is mightily depressing.
(berk, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:44, Reply)

Oh boo fucking hoo Berk.
I started 6th Form in about 1990.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:47, Reply)

GUESS WHEN I WAS BORN LOL
Yeah, I was in second year of secondary school when Crow started uni.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Nice to know I'm not the only MASSIVE NONCE on here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:52, Reply)

We are within half-your-age-plus-7 so we're fiiine.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Gutted.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Just...you'd better hurry up and get older after my next birthday...

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Nope 26 (argh!) still puts it at 20.
Next birthday I will be 23, is that better?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Ah, ok, I was never sure if it's "less than" or "less than or equal to"
And, erm...22, surely?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 May 2011, 11:02, Reply)

I always went with "less than", the age it gives is the last acceptable age you can nob.
I am suggesting artificially inflating my age
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 May 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Suits me...
_{Fair enough, I just worried for a second that my inner nonce was about to be disappointed...}
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 May 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Fucking hell, you would have been and all...
I am still envious of those of you who can grow up without any experience of the 1980s.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Why, was it that bad?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Some of it was fucking great.
Hip hop and the Free Festival scene - and the dawn of Acid House and raving at the end of the decade - everything else was shit - apart from Grange Hill and Deacon.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:56, Reply)

To be fair - and you'll hate me for saying this, but -
I was too young to really remember any of it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:58, Reply)

I hate you for many other things than this.
This is merely a garnish on my piled-high platter of Crow-hatred.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:59, Reply)

And we know how much you love a mouthful
of Crow's oozing, meaty hatred
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 May 2011, 11:01, Reply)

You forgot 'suppurating'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Fucking hell
In 1990 I was in 3rd year at Uni. How can you actually be younger than me?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 23 May 2011, 10:54, Reply)

HAHAHAHA GRANDAD!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Not *quite*
My kids are only 11 and 13. Although it's not totally unheard of in these parts...
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 23 May 2011, 11:00, Reply)

You want scary?
I've taught students who are only a year older than you.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Like that stops a Yorkshireman...

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:27, Reply)

To be fair, my cousins are both Yorkshiremen, and around your age (I think)
they don't whinge much (yet), but one of them lives in London now and does talk about how it's not as good as Yorkshire a fair bit.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Monty you unremitting cunt
That is tip-top news. My most hearty congratulations.

If the sweats are really cold/flu related and not DTs, go see the pharmacist. There's nothing a doctor could give you that you couldn't get yourself in Boots.

Alt: No idea, but if the police aren't called at least once, the weekend will be a failure.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 May 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Congratulations, excellent news.
It's a shame that the ravages of a dissolute life have chosen now to start shutting down your organs one by one, but there you go. Don't bother with the doctor, there's nothing they can do - get yourself to Switzerland and go with some dignity.

Winner will be ME, of course. I suspect that the sinner will also be me.

Oh, and can I recommend that you change your fucking locks? Because I don't imagine this situation will last if the little 'un returns home with a tale of "daddy's dealer" letting himself in at 3am.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Sage advice.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Woo on the fabulous news Monty.
I am sweating like a rapist but for completely different reasons. Off to the waterpark again today whereupon my nephew will be doing his damndest to get me on a waterslide.

The winner at the weekend will be the bottle recycling plant where all our empties will be going. The loser will be everyone who has to leave on Sunday and go home.
( girlinthehole, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)

As lovely as this break has been, it's quite nice to have something to look forward to coming home.

( girlinthehole, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:14, Reply)

I always end up feeling like that on holidays
Then I feel bad :/
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I'm looking forward to Al being naughty at the weekend
but he is my winner for giving me a lift up there. LOVE YOU AL!!!!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Love you too sweety!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:46, Reply)

Also: Reasons NOT to be cheerful
I'm just about to head off and teach computers for the terrified to a bunch of deaf OAPs. (and no, Monty, I don't mean my husband)

You bumders will have to do without my scintillating company for the rest of the morning. Make sure there's a large, stiff drink waiting for me when I get back. I have a feeling I'm going to need it.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 May 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Surely that should read " and no, I don't mean Monty"

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)

I know it's hard to believe
but my husband is even older than Monty. And, in fact, is an actual, real live (barely) OAP.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 May 2011, 10:23, Reply)

He probably looks younger than Monty though unless he has also indulded in a lifetime of drugs

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:30, Reply)

I have it on good authority that he looks like a 'paedo Santa'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)

But you've only just got here!
Come back!

*clutches at B3th's departing coat-tails*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)

I'll see *YOU* later.
*points*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 May 2011, 10:26, Reply)

*GLESS*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:30, Reply)

i like the way your sig appears to be a continuation of your post

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:35, Reply)

So pleased to hear that. Brilliant news.
Q: Go for a legitimate reason, like a broken bone (break it yourself if needs be) then mention offhand that you've got the sniffles. They'll tell you to drink plenty of fluids and ta fuckin' da.

Alt: I am most certainly going to be well-behaved. I'm going to be bad next week when flatmate finishes her exams. So I won't be sinning. I am sure it'll be a nice affair.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:24, Reply)

And another rich seam of beaker comes to an end.
It's been the richest vein since BGB got dumped.

Without you whining about your ex, this place is only going to consist of food posts and Darth's skirt chasing.

skirt chasing desperate hunt for a willing beard
( Kroney, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Don't forget the space-docking allusions.
We'll still have them.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 11:00, Reply)

Psh, that doesn't have any legs
e o
( Kroney, Mon 23 May 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Just wrote an email to my wife
It was all a bit lovey dovey; I sent it to someone at work by mistake...piss.

At least it didn't mention Kroney's visit last night and the ruined chaise longe
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Das Bot

( Kroney, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:59, Reply)