If you each gave me £1,000....
I would start a night club, I'd make hella bank and then you could all be partners and visit and see how awesome I am.
My ideas are too complex to get into right now.

But what would YOU do if everyone from here gave you £1,000?
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:43, 315 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Buy a new car
or go on a shopping spree.
Then claim society made me do it and get teh government to pay you all back.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:45, Reply)

I'd finally be able to afford a night with Monty.

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:45, Reply)

First one's free, yeah?
*winks, trigger-fingers and then smoothes eyebrows*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:48, Reply)

yeah, but then she'll get hooked
and as surely as night follows day she'll finally end up pimping her arse down Leith docks for scraps.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:50, Reply)

Not everyone's like you, Mighters.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:51, Reply)

apparently not, no.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:52, Reply)

Woo!
But I suspect Badger may be right.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:53, Reply)

They always come back for more.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:55, Reply)

I'm a sucker for a guy with no money but nice teeth.

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:56, Reply)

Laugh at them

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:47, Reply)

Drop to my knees and thank the Lord God for getting me out of the diabolical hole I'm in.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:48, Reply)

it puts the MDs in the bucket

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:51, Reply)

Hahaha FILM

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Give it back as I suspect they need it more than me.
Except maybe Rswipe, and even then, pink diamond-studded manolo blahniks don't just buy themselves, so maybe not
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:48, Reply)

You should spend it on cheering up

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:52, Reply)

you can't buy happiness, Apey
granted, you can but a better class of unhappiness, though
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:54, Reply)

That's the spirit
/subjugated 19th century wife
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:56, Reply)

fat sorrow
is the technical term, i think
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:04, Reply)

Fly all my mates out to 'bitza for a party
What music will you play in your club?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:50, Reply)

Pete Tong is 51 ffs.
And he's still living it large.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:52, Reply)

Dave Brock from Hawkwind is 72.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:53, Reply)

Did you see the story about him
being stalked by the bird from Massive Attack?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:54, Reply)

That's where I found out how old he is.

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:54, Reply)

Since when was there a bird in Massive Attack?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Meh
You know worrimean - the lass who sang on that song they did, you know the one. The song, yeah?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:57, Reply)

Oh, the SONG
Yeah, I know worryoumean

(Teardrop, I assume)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:59, Reply)

Unfinished Sympathy no?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:59, Reply)

ja

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:00, Reply)

Oh of course
THE song. Not just the song.

Am I the only one who thought that Unfinished Sympathy was very good, but hardly deserving of the rapturous reaction it often gets? Not even their best song, I feel.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:06, Reply)

The one with the bird on it. The hit single.
The one everyone knows. With the bird.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:59, Reply)

Isn't she in that 'film'?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:59, Reply)

She sang with them for one song.
Shara Nelson.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shara_Nelson
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:57, Reply)

the sort you lot won't enjoy

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:54, Reply)

N-dubz is playing at the park near my mother's house this weekend.
Truefact!
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:55, Reply)

They're playing in Norwich on my birthday

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:56, Reply)

That's because they hate you
and want to ruin your birthday, by filling Norwich with scummy little N-Dublets
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:57, Reply)

it must already be full up if they're playing there

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:58, Reply)

Tis
They're huge in most places in the UK with teenagers, which I think is everywhere

ESPECIALLY THE COURTS!!!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:59, Reply)

Should be an easy three points for them

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:00, Reply)

Hahaha
Very good
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:06, Reply)

TAKE PHOTOS PLEASE AND OH COULD YOU GET ME AN AUTOGRAPH OFF TULA
I'd give you a blowie.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:57, Reply)

Sorry! I shall be in London.

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:59, Reply)

what is this terrible bullying?
I don't have a job after today, no one has called me back, and now you say n-dubz is near, and then you say you won't be there
tinyurl.com/3vuyh9z
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:02, Reply)

I didn't realise till the other day and my train ticket is already booked.
Have pity on me : (
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:05, Reply)

I can tell you what I wouldn't be doing
And that is sitting here in this office, bored, reading all this shite.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:51, Reply)

You'd be hunched, red-faced, straining over a baguette, pants round ankles,
feverishly checking out the window of your sandwich shop to make sure Al can't see you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:54, Reply)

I think we all know that he'd still eat it
The fat cunt.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:56, Reply)

...then sick it up only to eat it again, crying.
B3ta's John Prescott of Hearts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:00, Reply)

I'm glad I ate my lunch before I read this.
I didn't go to the sandwich shop, I went to the little supermarket and had a sausage roll and some crisps and a Yorkie.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:08, Reply)

Not the little supermarket down the way?
Oh dear...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:11, Reply)

Your biggest customer.

After Al.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:29, Reply)

you could read other shite?

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:54, Reply)

Precisely
A better class of shite.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:56, Reply)

I mean now, you could do it now.

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:56, Reply)

Can't afford it
Lend us a grand, will ya?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:58, Reply)

boring answer is boring but just go for a big long holiday.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:51, Reply)

Thank you all for your generosity, but give it back with smiles and hugs all round
lol jk I'd fuck off to DisneyWorld for a couple of weeks then buy B3ta and perpetrate some online ethnic cleansing
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:54, Reply)

Hello mucker
what's this about you being a world chanp or somethink?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Haha, not quite mate
I was at the dance school last night and the owners' son told me I was awesome. And meant it. Made my night. He's the World Under-16 Ballroom Champion, so I thought this fact would spice up the FB post a bit.

How's you?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:57, Reply)

all good, arm is a bit sore today just doing the only bit of worlk I have to do all summer.
that's good news, anymore comps coming up@? U R ON A ROLL
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:00, Reply)

Got one in about five weeks in Sheffield then a national in October
Means going to Birmingham though *shudder*

How much more work is there to do on your arm now?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:03, Reply)

Nearly all the black is done then the red, then a little green so maybe 4 hours.
I found a desing for my back to, I'll link you.

society6.com/product/Totem-tear-blue_Print
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:04, Reply)

Please do

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:05, Reply)

LOOK UP!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:05, Reply)

*looks up*
Nice mate. You're really into the Aztec malarky eh
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:10, Reply)

It's pretty dope dude

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:13, Reply)

Yeah it'll look fucking wicked on
Is it OK if I use "fucking wicked"? Not magnificent or awesome. I know how you feel about the overuse of those words.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:15, Reply)

just call it "awesome to the max"
and be done with it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)

only when used inappropriately
fuck knows on spelling
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)

I like that
You should get the octopus on your back
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:09, Reply)

It would be interesting to do it as is, so the skin tone was the octopus.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)

WHY would a grown ass man with no children enjoy going to disney world?

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:56, Reply)

All the guys working there are benders.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:57, Reply)

Darth truly is a grown 'ass man'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:57, Reply)

He's a nonce.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:58, Reply)

Because it's awesome
In unrelated news, "hella bank" makes no sense whatsoever
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:58, Reply)

Yes it does. I understand what it means.
You lot say things all of the time that I don't understand, doesn't mean it doesn't make sense to you.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:59, Reply)

OK, it makes no GRAMMATICAL sense

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:01, Reply)

I now fully support your decision to go to Disney World, I imagine they're used to dramatic tantrums and you'd do well with fitting in there.

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:07, Reply)

Brilliant

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:08, Reply)

I like the term
so fuck Princess Foxtrot
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:03, Reply)

You wish sweetheart

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:04, Reply)

bitch, you be trippin'

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:05, Reply)

Oh you got no bizness!

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:07, Reply)

He wants to be a princess

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:59, Reply)

haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:01, Reply)

he is a 'princess'

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:01, Reply)

Earings, face, 'nuff said.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)

I'd write my full name* in cocaine, hoof it up, have a seizure and then die.


*Montgomery Peregrine St John Boyce
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:57, Reply)

Everyone's a winner

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 13:59, Reply)

haha!

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:00, Reply)

it'd be like one of those record breaking domino runs

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:01, Reply)

Only not gay

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:03, Reply)

*makes tilty hand gesture*
hopefully you know the one I mean
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:04, Reply)

This one?
*makes tilty gesture*
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:05, Reply)

*puts finger on tip of nose*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:05, Reply)

*extends right thumb, clenches fist and grins*

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:06, Reply)

you don't want to do that around Darth
or Monty
or in fact any of the quenders on here
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:07, Reply)

He's right you know Al
That's a mating call to the likes of us
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:09, Reply)

*turns corners of mouth slightly upward, exposing some teeth*

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:10, Reply)

I realised a little while ago
that I can't really smile on the right hand side of my face unless I'm fully smiling on my left side.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:11, Reply)

I assume you realised this involuntarily
but I choose to believe you practised
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)

it's obvious that you have had a stroke

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)

he's married
he won't have had a stroke since about 1985!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)

not from someone else

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)

...since he was 4
You disgust me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:23, Reply)

I've noticed from photos
that when I smile one of my eyes looks closed, thus making me appear like a big cheeked drunk
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:17, Reply)

that has really tickled me

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:18, Reply)

this is fantastic!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)

I fucking love this

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)

oh goddammit
i just went off to find this, and kristine has RUINED it. my friend's gallery sells this dude's stuff, they are amazing:

www.danielablittgallery.co.uk/daniel_ablitt_gallery/gallery.html
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:03, Reply)

I like the last two.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:04, Reply)

they are lovely in person
she'll have some at the affordable art fair in battersea (october) which is always a really good evening, would you and lusty like to come? anyone else on here also welcome! my friend gives me free tickets, and you get to see literally hundreds of galleries exhibiting as well as free drinks!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:07, Reply)

there's a bloke who paints similar (although I think better) stuff
and sells it in Greenwich Market. I intend to get one as a wedding present from my folks
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:08, Reply)

it's hard to tell online
the dan ablitt ones are usually quite big and the colours are very intense, they're utterly hypnotic. whereas i've seen other paintings on my friend's website, gotten really excited, and then in person they are just a bit- blah! my friend and her husband offer a good "try before you buy" service, where they drive down and hang it for you on a no obligation basis to see if you like it in place. personally if i'm going to spend a few grand on a piece of art, i think this is a very sensible idea!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:11, Reply)

you are right
and if they are intense and hypnotic then they sound good.

that is an excellent service
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:13, Reply)

they're really lovely
i love the ones of lots of trees in the wood, with one tiny little house right in the background, or one little person walking miles away - he's a genius.

more galleries should do it. for those of us who are buying for our own homes, not investing in it, art is so personal. you're going to be living with it forever, if it cost a lot, and you have to really NEED it before you spend that kind of money. much better to see it in place first.

and clever marketing for my friend; they sell about 90% of the ones they take!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)

good stuff

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Yes - 100% definitely yes please.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:11, Reply)

excellent, i thought you'd like it!
lots of people take kids, as they have good painting activities etc for children, so we'll liaise nearer the time, and see if we want it to be a boozy evening or if you'd rather have tickets for the weekend to take len (although i will have loads of tickets, so you can always do both!)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:13, Reply)

You're on.

(I'm not suggested you are menstruating)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:15, Reply)

i don't think you needed to clarify that mein lieb

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:18, Reply)

Needs MOAR bears

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:18, Reply)

I would like to come too
I need art for my flat.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:18, Reply)

yes please, i would love that!
it really is a great evening, there is so much to look at.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)

Indeed
*boobs*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)

yes
there will be some paintings of boobs
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:23, Reply)

If you have extra I'd fancy it
not because I'll buy anything, but because I like wandering around and looking at stuff
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:54, Reply)

of course!
i will send texts nearer the time, lampito and charmander might fancy it too. and crow. and gonz and tgb. well, all the londoners really!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:09, Reply)

Would be interested, but would probably not buy anything.
But I like a bit of Kulcher me. Up to you if you can stand my Bolshevist presence though.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:18, Reply)

oh god kristine, you're such a ruiner

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:11, Reply)

haters gonna hate
but in this case, they are like soooo totally right on.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:13, Reply)

for hating me because I started a new thread

if you're all going to be horrible bitey bullies today I will pretend to fuck off and do something else and just not post anymore but read it secretly so i can throw it in your face later *huffs*
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:18, Reply)

dude
that sounds like a lot of effort though
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)

I imagine it's what other people do when they flounce

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)

maybe if it's a proper flounce
i got bored and didn't log in for a few weeks. then work got even more boring, so i logged back in. but no way was i reading through 6 weeks worth of shite!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:23, Reply)

hmmmmmm

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)

oh yeah
mhmm
suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)

c'est vrai
i am not denying vanity searching though!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)

EXACTLY.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:13, Reply)

And a rotten bully, to boot.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:18, Reply)

I'd pay for gastric band surgery for Bobby
so he wasn't so sad anymore.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:04, Reply)

^EXHIBIT A: Sociopath who can't stand someone not liking him.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:07, Reply)

if Al couldn't stand people not liking him
then surely he'd be less of an insufferable cunt
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:09, Reply)

It might explain the comfort-eating and stress-related pattern baldness though.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:11, Reply)

nah
that's par for the course when you think riding a bike is socially acceptable and growing vegetables is a suitable alternative to a proper social life...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:12, Reply)

I just had a hair cut.
That's all they could find. One solitary hair.

And it was on my back.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Did they blow-dry it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:13, Reply)

He aimed the hairdryer at it
but it blew away.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)

Did you chase it down the street like a folorn child after a lost balloon?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:15, Reply)

I think it might have belonged to my wife
so I can probably get another one this evening when I go home and cry alone in bed as she is out with her "girlfriends".

I hope that's not a euphemism for a man with a fuller head of hair than me.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)

ahem
*runs hand through flowing locks while making suggestive 'I'm fucking your wife' gestures*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)

interesting
how might those gestures go? i am trying to picture them and am failing
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)

I suspect it involves 'spanking'

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:23, Reply)

Right hand on left bicep, clench fist on left hand and raise and lower left forearm.
Traditionally accompanied by a Kenneth Connor 'coooorrrrr' noise.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:24, Reply)

this
plus the spanking style one

and the old favourite, the 'finger poked through another finger in the shape of a circle'
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)

Old skool classic there

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)

The cambodian pimp made this gesture
to enquire if I wanted to fuck the prostitute I had mistakenly asked for a massage from.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:36, Reply)

I was going to go with
*Extend left hand, fingers splayed, palm facing downwards at about crotch height*

*extend right hand perpendicular to the floor, fingers straightened out and together and waggle back and forth behind left hand*

*thrust groin backwards and forwards*
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:26, Reply)

that was one of the ones I had in mind

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)

but aren't these just "fucking" ones?
why do they mean "i'm fucking your wife" ?

am i overthinking this?

to help me out, right, can you take some pics of yourself in each pose and post them? ta muchly.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:30, Reply)

it's all about context
if it helps, imagine that I'm doing the gestures after pointing either at his wife, or a picture of his wife
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:33, Reply)

*does exactly the same as Vippers*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)

*rinses*
*repeats*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:24, Reply)

Al doesn't need to do that
because he doesn't have enough hair

this makes him less virile and attractive to women
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)

For some reason this "in case we were too subtle before" post
has made me laugh out loud
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)

I'm particularly enjoying the mental image of Monty and Vippers
both running their fingers through their hair whilst tilting their noses up.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)

Like some kind of croissant/Timotei collaborative advertising campaign

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:36, Reply)

He thinks everyone loves it and it adds to his brilliance.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:12, Reply)

is that the trait of a sociopath?
I must be one
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:12, Reply)

I'll be honest I have no idea.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)

It goes along with your terrible bullying nature.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:15, Reply)

shall we be accomplices?

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:17, Reply)

You should start a bullying gang.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:18, Reply)

but who would you bully?
People are a little fragile on here, they may take a trip to KFC
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)

Nah, they'll just accuse us of being dull.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:20, Reply)

kristine is never dull!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)

i am occasionally, it is true!

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:39, Reply)

We are frightful bores

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)

e
+a

*lowers armour plated snout and roots for vegatables*
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)

I'm feeling a trip in my future if shit don't straighten out

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:23, Reply)

Don't worry Bobby, I've got your back...
I totally called him a fat cunt up there^
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)

Out of interest
Which one of you is the fattest?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)

Depends if you believe the internet
or real life.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)

Me

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:38, Reply)

You see, I wasn't going to be mean and say this
but it's true.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:43, Reply)

Are you saying that on the internet?
or in real life?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:44, Reply)

Hmmmm, tricky.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:57, Reply)

to rock a rhyme that's right on time.

( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)

me!

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:40, Reply)

i would......
.............. laugh at how many people had to fork over many lots of £1,000 due to being in possession of many sockpuppets.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:06, Reply)

I own no sockpuppets

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)

just the £1,000 from you then?
ta!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:29, Reply)

Cheque is in the post

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)

How much would you bet on Cook making 300?
this is mainly for Darth

SKY bet odds: 9/2

i don't think that's a bad bet
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:20, Reply)

Extras is going for a century

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)

Mishra is trying to score more for England than Dhoni did for India

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:26, Reply)

Cook has now outscored India
I like this
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)

Much as Bell did in the last match
India were desperately poor in their second innings at Trent Bridge though. Cook must be tempted to "do a Balotelli" and face a few of Mishra's balls with his back turned
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:35, Reply)

BAD LIGHT STOPS PLAY?
WTF?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:37, Reply)

I know, right?
Floodlights have gone out, must be something to do with the power cut they had earlier. Either that or, as Prince Philip once put it, they were fitted by an Indian.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:40, Reply)

It isn't fucking dark!
I am watching it now on Sky Go
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:40, Reply)

I've been doing so since Wednesday
My boss is on holiday :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:45, Reply)

Appreciate it
Straussy won't let him bat forever, not when there's a whitewash on the cards. But whereas tea would probably have been a good time to declare if he wasn't doing so well, as long as he's in I reckon they might just let him have a go at Gooch's 333.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)

I'm using all this stuff to amuse my mate
he loves cricket, I hate it, and he finds it hilarious that I am more up to date on what is happening then he is.

I watched a bit of the highlights the other day before. Unlike most sports where if I know stuff about it I find it slightly interesting, there is literally nothing that makes me want to watch cricket
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)

I used to think that
and I don't know what it was that suddenly made me take an interest.

Also, I really like listening to TMS on five live extra.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:29, Reply)

TMS is quality listening

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)

I find you need to have played it to some sort of level
that way you understand the subtleties of skill and tactics
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:29, Reply)

possibly
I have never played other than lunchtime tennis ball cricket at school.

whereas my mate used to play for county or something.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)

Not even lthat high
Maybe just school boy; as long as the games were long enough to have some tactics
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:34, Reply)

tactics when I played involved
get bat whenever possible, clobber ball as far as possible. If you can't get bat, get ball and throw as hard as possible.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:35, Reply)

Apers is right
Everything I know of tactics, bowling lines, field placements etc comes from listening to commentators
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:34, Reply)

DF top tip:
If you want to look properly knowledgeable about cricket, repeat verbatim what Badger or Fister say. They know more than me, but are just as camp.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:30, Reply)

I have done on occasion
the look on his face is quite priceless because I make so much out of how much I dislike cricket
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)

This idea amuses me greatly

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:37, Reply)

he just asked me who was feeding me the information
and pointed out that Cook has just outscored the entire number one ranked team. by himself.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:40, Reply)

Hahaha
Tell him you're getting the information from the person you might have been had you chosen dancing over surfing
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:45, Reply)

I'm not sure that's a wise thing to say
but I'll keep it in mind.

it's certainly amused me!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:46, Reply)

I imagine it's somewhat akin to me entering a debate on the merits of the work done at Cern
The look on my proper-nerdy mates' faces were that to happen would be a joy to behold
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:51, Reply)

SS Turbo 333
awesome bat
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)

Long way to go for that

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)

100 runs exactly, now
658 is England's best-ever total in a five-day test. I wouldn't be surprised if Straussy fancied having that feather in his cap.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:33, Reply)

Can't find that on the site, boo :-(
Else I'd stick a few on it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:34, Reply)

Feel a bit sorry for Ravi Bopara
Some cruel bastard probably told him he'd get to play in a test match
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:41, Reply)

Buy clothes I cannot currently justify buying.
And go on holiday to South America.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)

I'd buy you a house.
I'd buy you furniture for your house. Well, I'd buy you a K-Car. I'd build a tree fort in our yard. You could help, it wouldn't be that hard. Maybe we could put like a little tiny fridge in there somewhere. You know, we could just go up there and hang out. Like open the fridge and stuff. There would already be laid out foods for us. Like little pre-wrapped sausages and things. They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon. Well, can you blame 'em. Uh, yeah. Well, I'd buy you a fur coat. But not a real fur coat, that's cruel. Well, I'd buy you an exotic pet. Yep, like a llama or an emu. Well, I'd buy you John Merrick's remains, ooh, all them crazy elephant bones. We wouldn't have to walk to the store. Now, we'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more. We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner. But we would eat Kraft Dinner. Of course we would, we’d just eat more. And buy really expensive ketchups with it. That’s right, all the fanciest ke... dijon ketchups! Mmmmmm, Mmmm-Hmmm. Well, I'd buy you a green dress. But not a real green dress, that's cruel. Well, I'd buy you some art. A Picasso or a Garfunkel. Well, I'd buy you a monkey. Haven't you always wanted a monkey?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)

Fucking hell
Gonz's drugs have actually tranplanted his consciousness into Noel
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)

I WANT A MONKEY

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)

Is this more shit lyrics from those benders that you and Gonz fancy?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:33, Reply)

No it fucking isn't.
Do you have no taste, man?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:35, Reply)

I am an expert on hip hop.
Those chaps don't cut the mustard.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:37, Reply)

Not that I've ever heard any of their records.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:37, Reply)

It's nothing like hip-hop.
He's a poet, the other guy mashes dirty beats etc. Anyway, the above is not by them.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:39, Reply)

He's a poofter and the other guy's a cunt, more like.
Can I just say that 'mashes dirty beats' is one of the most Deaconic things you have ever posted.

*purees clean beats etc*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:42, Reply)

I really dislike the use of "beats" in this manner.
And I really can't work out why.
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:43, Reply)

Feel free to insult me in thirty years if I'm still wearing the same clothes I'm wearing now, still listening to the same music and am completely dismissive of anyone else's opinions on anything at all.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:45, Reply)

HAHAHA!
Brilliant!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:45, Reply)

But Monty's right, that Scroobius bloke is shit though

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:46, Reply)

I have never heard them
should I?

bearing in mind I don't like shit music
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:47, Reply)

Some of it's great, some of it less so.
I saw them in Oxford and they were utterly amazing.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:48, Reply)

No.
You wouldn't like them.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:49, Reply)

much obliged

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:50, Reply)

s'no prob.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:51, Reply)

thank you, gosh
i thought i was the only one that felt this way
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:48, Reply)

You and me Kristine
we're like two parts of a soul inhabiting two different bodies on the opposite sides of the atlantic ocean. But we're still connected.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:49, Reply)

but a bit like yin and yang
your yin gardening and my yang n-dubz
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:50, Reply)

*puts note in diary*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:47, Reply)

Better put that diary in your will as well.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:48, Reply)

Can I suggest it's not quite as bad as my "sonic paintings" or whatever phrase I used to describe G!YBA

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:48, Reply)

Actually this is right.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:57, Reply)

dirty beats?
I'm no expert on anything, let alone hip hop, but if I were to consider dirty beats, and the link you gave me yesterday, I certainly wouldn't consider that to be a dirty beat
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:48, Reply)

They're no Kool and the Gang, that's for sure.

( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:38, Reply)

For the first five years of their career K&TG were fucking amazing.
Early synth pioneers too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:44, Reply)

I'll be honest, I've never listened to them
They were simply one of the earliest hip hop groups I can think of.
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:45, Reply)

I displayed early 90s hip-hop knowledge earlier Monty
AND YOU DIDN'T NOTICE.

*sulks*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:49, Reply)

Pah! Everyone knows that hip-hop was over by the early 90s
No, I don't know anything about hip-hop
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:54, Reply)

Sorry, I missed it because I have you on ignore.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:56, Reply)

Shoulda killed me last year

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:58, Reply)

The DJ in the pub last night put on the full version of 'The Message'
What a fucking fantastic track that is.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)

That is a truly pivotal record.
Prior to that no-one had made a social commentary rap record.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:04, Reply)

Now, it seems you can't stop them!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:04, Reply)

Dunno, buy a car, probably.
An old one that rachel will despair of, because everybody should get brand new ones on finance and scupper their chances of ever being solvent ever again.
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)

yeah but she probably has a closet full of ugly shoes so i wouldn't worry about it

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:35, Reply)

Ugly expensive shoes made by foppish limp-wristers
out of fish skin because snake or crocodile is too expensive and cuts into their already vast profit margin too much and nobody can tell the difference once it's been treated anyway.
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:36, Reply)

darling, who needs finance?
just pay cash. that's how i buy my mercs.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:06, Reply)

I'd go to Gidleigh Park and spend a month there learning how to cook.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:47, Reply)

I stayed there for a weekend for my father's 60th.
It's fucking lovely there. I had a 12-course banquet and threw up on the croquet lawn.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)

Pay off overdraft
and then do some fun things. A trip to London would be in order
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:47, Reply)

I'd offer to buy you a drink
but you'd have thousands of pounds so you can bloody well buy me one. God, what is it with students and their sense of entitlement.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:50, Reply)

She'll probably loot some buckfast and take it into a bar to drink

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:52, Reply)

I bet she'll order a coke
and then site there filling it up with vodka which had been poured into a plastic water bottle.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)

did I mention that my mrs did the structural design for buckfast abbey's new winery?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:56, Reply)

No, and you didn't mention your new mode of transport either.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:57, Reply)

that's what I thought

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:58, Reply)

He's not the type, Al.
He'd would never GO ON AND ON AND FUCKING ON ABOUT SOME STUPID VAN. No siree.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)

Can you imagine if he had a thing for late 60s/early 70s rock and punk
can you imagine him banging ON AND ON AND ON AND ON about obscure stuff that nobody else knew or cared about.

Christ it would be awful.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:05, Reply)

do you want to see a picture of my van?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)

Actually yes please.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:11, Reply)

www.b3tards.com/u/48ca4e4a50b7cad28251/van2.jpg
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:15, Reply)

Those are some bad ass alloys you've got there.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:20, Reply)

yeah
they are almost too big. I think when the tires wear down I'll sell those wheels and get some smaller ones. Black ones.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:22, Reply)

Just don't get in the back of the van, Al.
It's a trick!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:15, Reply)

But he said he had a puppy and some sweeties in there
it can't be a trick if there are puppies and sweeties, surely?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:19, Reply)

Hmmm well that puts a different perspective on it
I mean, anyone who loves puppies and sweets can't be all bad... Can they?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:25, Reply)

Something something sea defences.

( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)

If I had thousands of pounds
I'd buy you some drinks as recompense for the cans of cider I consumed and the Jaegermeister.

As it is I am redoubling my efforts to find a job. Had first JS appointment and it was the most depressing thing ever.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:58, Reply)

jobseekers is not for people with a brain

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Sadly it's a necessary evil
if you want some money. I have great respect for anyone that can put up with it.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:01, Reply)

I couldn't
fortunately when I was on it I didn't have much outgoing and managed to get a temp job. anything was better than the dole.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:03, Reply)

I'm certain it won't be for long
I was just surprised by how genuinely depressed it made me feel. I thought I'd be okay with it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:03, Reply)

What sort of job do you want?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:04, Reply)

I've whined about it on here enough already
but right now I'm hoping for something in the Civil Service.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:05, Reply)

YES!
Become a public servant, become one of the people you despise. Suckle off the teat of the hard working tax payer. Revel in your gold plated pension.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:06, Reply)

I don't despise anyone
and I've got to apply for something.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:07, Reply)

they don't pay very well, luckily you'll get a nice fat pension...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:07, Reply)

without wanting to discourage you
everyone I know of our generation who works for government etc. fucking hates it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)

I'm sure I will as well
but there's fuck all else I can do
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)

you'd be surprised
merely by not being a fucking moron you are already better than most people at their jobs
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:10, Reply)

My boss - software development manager
has a Classics degree. And he's younger than me.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:24, Reply)

My sister did disaster planning for the government.
She didn't like it too much.

Apparently some country bumpkin farmer twat with a stupid beard kept fucking things up with his shit flood defences.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:11, Reply)

my secondment was to a government agency
and is one of the key reasons I am moving jobs, so I don't have to work with them any more.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:11, Reply)

I heard he kept trying to use his van
as a flood defence.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:13, Reply)

where is jeff these days?!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:14, Reply)

Up to his nuts in Huskies

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:22, Reply)

i still wouldn't rule out law because of a 2:ii as it's from oxford
my ex has a 2:ii from christchurch, never did him any harm! you could always try a few applications (especially at my firm!) and see what happens?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:10, Reply)

I have a 2:ii and never did me any harm

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:13, Reply)

Well, apart from how you've ended up.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:14, Reply)

hahaha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:15, Reply)

Not fat and bald?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:19, Reply)

But you're living with a fat baldy who shits themselves.
And you have a baby.

Badum.

And of course


tish
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:21, Reply)

He did well
Kiwi degrees are worth fuck all
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:14, Reply)

They fall down so easily

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:14, Reply)

I'll give £1000 to the first person to start a new thread.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:23, Reply)

*claims*

( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 15:23, Reply)