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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Morning, groovers.Last night, whilst staying at my ex's, I discovered a LIFE-CHANGING PRODUCT. 'Dry shampoo' - now you can get away with being a skanky grebo who hasn't washed his hair, it seems. Fucking re-sult. This is lucky because today I am a skanky grebo who hasn't washed his hair, opting instead to use the time to make a Sticklebrick house.
Are you a skanky grebo, or always immaculately groomed?
EDIT: STOMP STOMP STOMPITY STOMP
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 8:53,
160 replies,
latest was 15 years ago)
I'd have thought you'd have known about that years ago, you sweaty freak.I'm never immaculately groomed, but I shower every morning (and often every night), as otherwise I just feel disgusting.
Morning Monty.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 8:55,
Reply)
Yeah, musn't grumble.I have a feeling that, when I get into work, I may not be able to do what I was intending to do today, but the detail of why this might be is far too tedious to bother sharing with you all.
(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:14, Reply)
Ahh, not good.The only reason today isn't a complete washout is that after today, I won't have to deal with this irritating little fucking work experience kid.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:20,
Reply)
I often look at jokes about work experience kids, or hear people complaining about themAnd wonder whether I was this much of a pain in the arse when I was on work experience...
(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:23, Reply)
I've been wondering the exact sameBut I know full well that at no point did I say to the person training me, in a patronising voice 'Well, when I'm given a job, I do it.', referring to a job that is on my list of things to do, but near the bottom.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:26,
Reply)
Very well thanks mate8 days til InFest and cricket to be had today, hopefully. How's your good self?
(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:51, Reply)
Not too bad thanks, just want this week to be over(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:04,
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Also, payday next week, 3 day weekend, etc(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:14,
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I could have left the naughty, to be fair(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:46,
Reply)
I think we were all glad that you didn'tand then disappointed when you raised it again
(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:49, Reply)
I'll give you three guesses, which I think you'll agree is extremely generous as there were only two answers profferedMorning all
(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 8:56, Reply)
I'm guessing you bathe in perfume twice a day(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:23,
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There is something I find quite pleasing about words ending in "the"Soothe, blithe, loathe, lithe.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:31,
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terrible northern word(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:57,
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If spitting is passion and swallowing is true love...that's showing off
(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:38, Reply)
I used to use a dusting of shake'n'vac to keep my hair in tip top form.I recommend this as a top tip to everyone without access to shampoo.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 8:58,
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Oh greatNow I've got that fucking jingle in my head. Cheers Bartles.
(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:03, Reply)
Well, I heard from Shauna down in Accounts, right, that you know he's, like, up on this rape trial thing, yeah?She heard from Joe - you know the gay one who everyone says had to fellate a horse to get his job in Marketing, knowhatahmsain? - yeah, he heard that they reckon, like, he can get off a technicality, like, 'cause he suffers from chronic erectile dysfunction.
(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:22, Reply)
Issit!As if you listenin' to Shauna, she totally told everyone I fucked that Donna the cleaning lady over Steve's desk and I never. She's well jell cos my tanning technician said she looked all like Geordie Shore and I'm Made in Chelsea and I got up in her face about it.
(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:28, Reply)
Hahaha.Do the shake and vac, and put the freshness back.
*works on pants too!*
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:10,
Reply)
And then you wonder why the hoover's clogged with pairs of pants...(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:11, Reply)
I only shower every day if I'm getting nookie or been to the gym.Otherwise every third day and I prefer to bathe. If my hair looks skanky I tie it back. I do always wash and clean my teeth every morning and evening unless I'm very drunk.
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girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:07,
Reply)
I cannot function without a shower every morningunless I'm going surfing.
I'm surprisingly fastidious.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:11,
Reply)
Dry shampoo is a must at festivals. And wet wipes. You can normally extend the time before you have brave buckets of cold water.
I am a reasonably well groomed grebo. I avoid facial hair for two reasons a) it would take me six months to grow a crap beard and b) it would probably have food and drink in it all the time.
(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:24, Reply)
On the plus side, though, Half your repulsive sweaty face would be hidden. I don't think you should write this idea off too readily, you know.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:37,
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It hides my swastika tattoo.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:02,
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Next to Godliness dontchaknowOk, I'm not at all Godly, but at least I'm clean.
I have been known to skip a morning shower to save time if I am running late, which is fine through the day as I am still fairly clean from the previous morning's shower. However, by the end of that 2nd day it is pretty unpleasant.
Why am I talking about this?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:27,
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Every monthFlannel round the taint and a qtip around the helmet. Whether it needs it or not.
Seriously though, who doesn't wash at least once a day and immediately after sport these days?
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djtrialprice, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:30,
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So that's just once a day then?A furious bout of horizontal jogging could maybe count for those less sporting inclined.
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djtrialprice, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:43,
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What about a cheeky wank in the frozen aisle at Sainsbo’s? That’s the only sport I do.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:45,
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You don't work up so much of a sweat in the frozen food aisle(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:48,
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I did say I cleaned everyday if I'm getting nookie.Not to mention I carry feminine hygiene wipes too.
That's the only thing I'm fastidious about.
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girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:49,
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I'm sorry blousie, but at this time I have to declare myself as being out.Suppose I'll have to stick with the scouser.
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djtrialprice, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:53,
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That's acceptable if you get it the right way round.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:36,
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I don't get this showering every day thing.It's like the preoccupation with germs and bleaching everything to within an inch of it's life or else your kitchen just isn't clean enough.
I can understand with some guys if they sweat a lot but normally letting your body and hair exude natural oils for a bit is good for your skin.
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girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:30,
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Ah, you've got to eat a peck of muck before you die.Or summat.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:35,
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Is that what you say to your victims, before forcing a handful of your shit into their mouths and then strangling them?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:39,
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S'funny they never seem to take as much enjoyment in it as I do.*whistles cheerfully whilst scooping up botdogs*
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:41,
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Re-stocking for your cafe, yeah?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:44,
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Admittedly I do sweat manly sweat a bitbut it's more about feeling clean. Not reusing clothes before washing is also important. I would say I'm OCD about cleanliness but not being able to feel clean is the main thing that puts me off festivals.
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djtrialprice, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:40,
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It's the toilets that put me off. I wait in them for hours before anyone stumbles in.
A friend of mine told me about a bloke called "Poo Man" that goes to festivals and climbs down in to the shit pit because he likes being crapped on. *loses breakfast*
(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:44, Reply)
It's always a chinese man "The year before" you went, Piston even mentioned it in his stand-up as if it was a real thing that happened.I don't believe it on account of the fumes being toxic at that level, and the fact that there is no photographic evidance despite everyone at those places having cameras.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:54,
Reply)
Imagine pointing your phone anywhere near one of those toilets? Smile please.
All white eyes and teeth.
(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:57, Reply)
Is his name 'Poo Man Chu'?AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:01,
Reply)
Very good. I need a new shirt now because I just gobbed coffee and Yum-Yum down myself.
(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:05, Reply)
Your friend obviously thought‘Stunsy here is obviously the biggest mug of all time and will believe anything I tell him. In a minute I’m going to tell him Marlboro are sponsored by the KKK and see if the twat swallows that one, too’
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:57,
Reply)
If you turn your pants inside out you can double their lifespan.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:45,
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I'm with you on thisI don't mind the festivals too much as I have mentally prepared myself for it, but even if I have a shower I don't feel clean unless I've washed my hair as well.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:50,
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You need ATPAside from the great music, you get a chalet to stay in so you have your own shower + cooking facilities
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:53,
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ATP?I'm ok at a festival actually, I can keep my hair reasonable clean with the application of water and wet wipes take care of the rest.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:55,
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I am none the wiser(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:58,
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Grownup festivals.Some have had good lineups.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:04,
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Festival held at a holiday camp.www.atpfestival.com/
One band "curates" the festival, ie picks all their favourite bands to play. Previous curators include Shellac, Sonic Youth, Slint, Matt Groening. It's good.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:07,
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that sounds good(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:30,
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From the bands you have mentioned liking I think you would like it.Plus it recently moved to Butlins in Minehead, which is not far from you, is it?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:36,
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yeah, it's not farI will consider it, thanks
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:49,
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Adenosine Triphosphate?You wouldn't get much done without it!
BIOLOGYLOLZ0RS.
(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:34, Reply)
Download 2010 was a hell of a lot easierthan Download 2009 simply by going from back length hair to only a couple of inches.
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djtrialprice, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:55,
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I can imagine that would be better(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:55,
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I couldn't find my dry shampoo this morning.Had a bodyshower but not the time tO wash my hair. Dry shampoo is invaluable, even if it makes you a bit grey. Not a problem for Monty, though.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:33,
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Hello sir, hope all is well.(
Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:36,
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V well thank you Miss. Settling back in after your French (?) sojourn?
(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:37, Reply)
Sadly, yes.And the new place. I can juuuuust about walk to a tube station.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:38,
Reply)
Also, there's one tip I've heard recentlyIf your hair gets a little greasy during the day, and you can't get near a shower, put a tiny amount of talcum powder on your hand, and run that through your hair. Stops it looking greasy.
NB: Only works if you can get your hands on talc
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:38,
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Only really any good for blondes.Otherwise you walk around looking like you have talc in your hair.
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girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:40,
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You only use a tiny amountAnd it was a brunette who told me, haha.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:41,
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bumble & bumbledo coloured powder for exactly this reason. blonde, ginger, brown, dark brown, black and even grey. i bought some but i found it weird spraying powder out of a can onto my head, and hopped back into the shower. my flatmate loves it though.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:48,
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I can't help but read that asbumhole & bumhole
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:51,
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that says more about you than it does about mebut now i am going to read it that way too, damn you and all your beardy kind.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:16,
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My friend who told me about it works in mental nursingSo while she knows she'll never end a day looking perfect, it's nice that she doesn't have to worry too much about horrifically mingin hair.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:54,
Reply)
I usually shower in the eveningevery other day - started when I started going to the gym, I'd shower there so it made sense. Plus it gives me more time in the morning.
I bought a can of that dry shampoo when my shower broke at home, but that's about when I joined the gym so I only used it once. Hard to tell how well it worked, though, without going up to people and saying "does this look clean to you?"
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:39,
Reply)
Obviously lucky old Al just needs a squirt of Mr Sheen and a quick buff with a chammy.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:40,
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I hear he sneaks into bowling alleys so he can stick his head in the ball cleanerwhich is coincidentally also his nickname
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:49,
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Clickin this.(
Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:55,
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I thought it was my best work for a while(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:56,
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Sadly it takes a second person to get the chamois round all those hard to reach clefts(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:49,
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I spend about half an hour in the shower every morning.Not washing, just standing there with my arms crossed and my head under the showerhead. I do my best thinking in the shower.
Women think I'm weird.
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Kroney, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:41,
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You're supposed to turn it on, that's why.(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:44,
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Yeah, I hear that quite a lot.But apparently, standing in the shower, arms crossed, glowering out of the doorway, stark bollock naked isn't so normal.
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Kroney, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:48,
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so basicallyyou wank yourself stupid in the shower.
also, your two sentences weren't necessarily connected, were they?!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:47,
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Your obsession with board members' alleged onanism is becoming a concern.I think you should see someone over your compulsive wank fantasies.
Not necessarily, no. This is one of the higher ranked examples they tend to use, though.
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Kroney, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:50,
Reply)
I am immaculately groomed thank you!I don't treat myself to much, but a nice body wash + shampoo + moisturiser is a must for me every day.
(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:45, Reply)
I don't moisturiseBut I do take great enjoyment from conditioning my hair when it gets as long as it is now.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:51,
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I haven't conditioned my beard for a whilemaybe it's due...
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:52,
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I'm quite jealous of men who can grow a proper beard.It takes me two weeks to grow half an inch of stubble. Every so often I give it a go and it gets to that length and starts to make my face itch. I understand that the itchiness eventually passes, but at the speed at which my hair grows, that'll be days and days away.
Very jealous.
The irony is, of course, that I don't actually want a beard. I'm just curious about how I'd look with one and I'd like the option.
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Kroney, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:00,
Reply)
So what you're saying is, I'd look no different?What I really want is a 5 o'clock shadow and a blue face in the morning after shaving.
My slow beard growth is probably why people always think I'm so much younger than I am.
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Kroney, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:03,
Reply)
the itching stops for a few daysthen comes back worse, then goes away
then comes back even worse, then goes away and after that you are home free!
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:09,
Reply)
Half an inch is not stubble.By my reckoning you must have to shave 2-3 times a day to avoid a beard, if it grows at that rate.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:11,
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"Half an inch is not stubble"Unless you meant "it only covers an area of half an inch", rather than "it is half an inch long"
*does quotation marks in the air*
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:33,
Reply)
So if it takes me two weeks to grow half an inch of hair,I'm leaving the semantics out since you seem to be having trouble grasping this, would you mind clarifying how it can possibly be that I'd need to shave two or three times a day to avoid growing a beard?
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Kroney, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:40,
Reply)
Bad maths? I dunno...Ok, 2-3 times a day is wrong.
I guess my point is: how long does it have to be for you to consider it a beard?
I have a beard, but it is no more than a few millimetres long. If yours grows at a rate of 0.762mm/day then it would reach the length of mine in under a week.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:52,
Reply)
that's not a beard(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:56,
Reply)
i'm a total product whoremy bathroom is crammed with various scented lotions and potions for everything from my scalp down to my toenails. and don't get me started on makeup/perfume... if i added up the cost, i'd probably realise i could have had 6 months in the caribbean and cry a LOT.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:09,
Reply)
haha see I tend to buy things that are on sale to see if I like them.That way I don't waste loads of money. I got onto the Dove stuff a while back though and haven't looked back since. It's fantastic.
(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)
their shampoo/conditioner simply isn't rich enough for my stupid parched dry hairmy friend was in one of the advertising campaigns though!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:17,
Reply)
Are you serious? god, I've noticed my hair getting better since I started using it. are you using the anti-frizz or the brittle and dry stuff? I have both and they work just fine for my psycho curly/straight/whatever it wants to be that day-hair.
(, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:23, Reply)
it's the water in londonif i wash it at my dad's, it's fine whatever. london water is just so hard and skanky that even really good shampoos/conditioners still leave it dry. this is why i now go to the hairdresser for a blowie at least twice a week!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:36,
Reply)
I think I'm going to the wrong hairdresser(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:37,
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i'm a bit of a hairdresser tarti let several different salons do it for me
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:38,
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he means that he doesn't get a blowiewish I did, the girl who cuts my hair is smokin' hot
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 10:48,
Reply)
i could never leave the house without showering or bathingbut often i will just leave my hair wet and no make-up, so scrubbed clean but not immaculately groomed either!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 9:46,
Reply)
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