The last thread has inevitably turned into insults and what food we've all eaten. Time for a new one?
Anyone seen the new Ant & Dec show, Red or Black?
Is it not the most pointless "gameshow" you've ever seen. I'd say it was on a par with Deal or No Deal on giving idiots who don't actually have to do anything a chance to win money.

ALT: What advert is really pissing you off at the moment? For me it has to be the new Haribo one. "oh so smooth! Love them soft!" AHHHHHHH!!!
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:02, 272 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

The only reason Deal Or No Deal has been even slightly popular is due to Noel Edmonds
Who'd have ever thought that he could make something popular?

And no, I haven't seen it.

Alt: As ever, the GoCompare adverts piss me right the fuck off. But I suppose that's the point, they're supposed to stick in your head.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:05, Reply)

That cheese advert thing with the mouse puppet voiced by Matt Berry.
He's usually very funny. Every time I see that bloody advert I want to skewer him with a pitchfork.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Is that the one with the guy who did the voiceover for the Natural Confectionary Company?

(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:10, Reply)

He was also George(?) the Volcano

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Also the station voice for Absolute Radio
And the boss from the IT Crowd, and I think he was in Garth Marenghi's Darkplace.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Only TV I watch at the moment is Doctor Who.
Yes I'm bent, I know, I know.

On the plus side - no adverts, no Ant and Dec etc.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Doctor Who is amazing.
The last episode was a bit freaky with the dolls and stuff. *shudder*
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:09, Reply)

I've not seen this weeks episode yet
Going to try and catch it tonight.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:10, Reply)

I'd rather catch AIDS

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:47, Reply)

I watched about ten minutes then switched over to an old episode of The Krypton Factor
You don't get speeded-up queue shots and slo-mo audience reaction shots with that. You get Gordon Burns and you better bloody well like it.

Alt: That one that has nothing to do with the product and is really smug.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:13, Reply)

You'll have to be a bit more specific than that. That sounds like most adverts these days
Unless that's the point you were trying to make, in which case, point well made
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:15, Reply)

I couldn't think of a current advert so I generalised
We tend to watch things on catch up or what we've recorded so we fast forward through the ads. There may have been some crap ads before the film we went to see at the cinema at the weekend (Smurfs in 3D!! Wish I'd left the kids in the car and gone to see Fright Night or something, anythng, else instead. Stupid kids) but I pretty much zoned out during them...and the film.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Yeah? Well you can fuck off and all, you moistened gammon CUNT.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:16, Reply)

A gay Jew's worst nightmare.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I think that description may apply to me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Show him a picture Monty!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Too far Monty, too far
I think I'm definately going to have to leave over this one
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:19, Reply)

ALT: don't see ads
I get my commercial television via the internet.

Question - targeted ads on webpages, good or bad? On the one hand relevant ads might actually be useful, on the other some giant faceless corporation somewhere knows you like cricket, spicy food and mild spanking.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:19, Reply)

It doesn't really matter what the advert is, I'm still not going to click it

(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Not even if it's a large reputable company offering something you've actually been thinking of buying at a special low price?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

I've never come across an advert like that on the internet
Apart from maybe for Dominos
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:28, Reply)

I said reputable
Dominos make soggy cardboard with ketchup on and have the nerve to call it pizza.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:35, Reply)

YOU, NAKED, EARLIER:

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Just look at the state of you, man.
You need to have a serious word with yourself.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:21, Reply)

That's the same picture from nearly a year ago
I look much sexier now
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Has your rind been scored and you've been rubbed with mustard?
You kinky freak.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:23, Reply)

I've got a lovely honey and dijon mustard glaze

(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

You disgust me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

stud him with peppercorns, Monty

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:27, Reply)

He doesn't deserve it.
Not after what he did to Noel - RIP my niggah.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Ha ha

(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:31, Reply)

It's like a female zombie's inner thigh.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

You bastard.
I had that song in my head all weekend. It was finally gone, I'd forgotten all about it and now it's back. You utter, utter, bastard.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:23, Reply)

I keep managing to get 'Prince Charming' by Adam and The Ants stuck in my colleague's head
It's quite enjoyable.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Do you do the dance too?

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Nope, I just send him a terrible joke, and it's enough to get him, every time.
I've managed to lose over a stone on the Adam Ant diet.

It's really very easy: Don't chew ever, don't chew ever.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Hahahah I'm afraid I really like that

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:30, Reply)

That's really bad, yet I'm still giggling like a loon.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:31, Reply)

But you can't keep any goodies in the house
or it'll be goody two, goody two, goody two chews.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Alternatively, stamp on all offal, so you won't be tempted to eat it.
You know, stand on de liver.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:37, Reply)

stealing this for facebook.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:35, Reply)

stealing this for facebook.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:35, Reply)

This I could live with.
I'm going to listen to some 80s classics in the hope they will lodge there instead. Suggestions may be accepted.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Heart - Alone

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:30, Reply)

This is a tune.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Holiday Rap - MC Miker G and DJ Sven.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Joe Dolce - shaddap-a-you-face

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Kenny Everett - Snot Rap

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Goombay Dance Band - 7 Tears

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:35, Reply)

I Eat Cannibals - by Bob Monkhouse's daughter, fact fans

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:35, Reply)

'You are a bent commie' by Me

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Morris Minor & The Majors - Stutter Rap

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five - The Message

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Chalk Dust by The Brat

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Rugged And Mean, Butch and Onscreen by Pee Bee Squad
(I actually had both of those)
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Paul McCartney and the Frog Chorus- We All Stand Together.

(888777555, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Save Your Love by Renee and Renata

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Traveling Wilburys- Handle With Care

(888777555, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Tone Loc- Funky Cold Medina.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Harold Faltermeyer - Axel F

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Squidgy baby!
New supermix, from Haribo!

Why are they all tone deaf? Why?
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Your going on my list.
Come the revolution you'll be up against the wall with Chompy, Monty and Al
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Tell it to the fucking judge, Stalin.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:30, Reply)

It's Ironic really, considering you are politically more similar to Stalin than I
Not to mention politically illiterate.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:58, Reply)

I haven't seen it.
I have however been singing the Mner mner song at every opportunity.

Mner mner.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Doo-doo d-do-doo

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Mner mner.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Doo-doo d-do-doo
/ac
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

YOU GOT IT WRONG!!

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:38, Reply)

no, you did.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Mner mner

(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Damn
Beaten to it
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

When I were a toddler it were BN BN.
Whatever happened to them eh?
(888777555, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Jesus!
Don't tell the others on here how old you are they'll start grooming you :/
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

We all already know.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:37, Reply)

He makes me feel old
I liked it on here cos I was the younger one. Not anymore :'( *sobs*
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:40, Reply)

You're still one of the younger ones, although IIRC Poppet is also younger than you.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

When I want to talk to kids I go on the Download Festival forums
Wait, that sounds wrong :s
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:46, Reply)

It's too late now.
We all know.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Download festival is wrong in general, went that way a few years back
It's all about Sonisphere now.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Deffos

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Confused.Com and its musical pieces.
Gah.
(888777555, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Ghastly.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Worse than go compare?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Even more so, it ruins great songs.

(888777555, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

YMCA, Chain Reaction?
No.

Actually, they also did Somebody To Love, which is a cracker.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:37, Reply)

There is something very unsettling
about seeing a cartoon lady's breasts bouncing up and down.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:12, Reply)

I really fucking hate the Berocca treadmill advert because it was a blatent rip off of OK GO's video.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVwJl0oiRC4
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Commercial television? Ugh.
If I were to watch television (and that is a big if), I'd prefer it to be made by the British Broadcasting Corporation. None of your forrin, lowbrow, sponsored by Poundland shite on my 1970s Grundig.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:37, Reply)

I get all my TV from the internet.
Internet streaming, such a brilliant invention.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Me too
I watch a lot of American shows as a consequence, though.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:55, Reply)

Man Woman Wild is quite funny once you get past the survivalist crap.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:57, Reply)

I don't watch game shows. I'm far too highbrow.
Alt: Anything that purpots to the fact that I will look amazing if I use their skin product and shows some heavily airbrushed or technically altered picture of a beautiful woman.
( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:49, Reply)

And what, pray tell, are 'purpots'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:52, Reply)

These

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:54, Reply)

I see.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:57, Reply)

those are hyacinth macaws
most endangered of all the macaws :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Are they the ones that put a cover over their toilet rolls to impress the neighbours?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Haha click

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:20, Reply)

I missed the bloody R off as you well now Mr Boyce.

( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:57, Reply)

I thought that might be it,
but when I considered that 'purports to the fact' isn't English - or even Enlish (my own special internet language) I discounted that theory.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:08, Reply)

So sue me.
*shrugs*
( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:17, Reply)

I am consumed with hatred and loathing for the entirety of the human race.
A couple of mildly irritating adverts won't piss me off. Relatively speaking. I have my mind on lower, baser things.

However.

When I round you all up for the ovens, I will have a special little cell and an especially unpleasant gas for those cunts that make twenty minute long charity adverts.
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:49, Reply)

I always enjoy a leisurely wank whenever Oxfam or the NSPCC ads come on.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:52, Reply)

A few years ago, I saw one for a donkey.
A fucking donkey. Animals that are made to work hard in impoverished countries.

For fuck's sake.
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Far Far Away isn't that bad, the fucking poof.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Africa must be rife with peadophillia
What with all those pregnant looking kids lying around
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:09, Reply)

I hate the fact that those bollocks 'Feed The Children' ads are on the Food Network
It's quite irritating.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Well it's a good place for the children to get some recipe ideas.
How to make some flies and mud feed 45 villagers, etc.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:55, Reply)

I can't think of a single one
but whenever I hear Sean Bean's retarded voice advertising O2 it makes me want to throw poo at my television. Specifically, my own.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Christ, you're really a chimp?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:52, Reply)

I know I'm pretty important but calling me Christ is going a bit far.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:54, Reply)

What should we call you then?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:57, Reply)

A gay jews worst nightmare
Hold on a second, that's what Christ was!
Monty is Jesus!
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:02, Reply)

OK you got me. I am actually Jesus.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:09, Reply)

You know how films in the 60s made the year 2000 all futureistic, like we're all wearing tin foil and in hover cars and shit like that.
Well, I reckon, when they invented the bible, they did that, but instead of going far into the future where it will happen, they made it in the past where nobody is around to say any differently, except they didn't go far enough into the past, only like 3 or 4 generations.

If they talked about a 'son of god' caveman or egyption or something like that, something a good few 1000s years in the past, then it would have been better.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 10:59, Reply)

The whole Jesus thing goes right back to ancient Egyptian religion anyhow, so that's already happened.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:00, Reply)

Pretty much all lifted from Mithras
who was himself a copy of... I want to say Horus but I don't think that's right.

Edit: Osiris, I was close.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:32, Reply)

i hate the other haribo advert
where they eat the sour sweets at the wedding. urgh. fuck off and die already.

did everyone have a good weekend? i have 5 days off work to finish my masters thesis, so of course i am on here. i was going to do the master cleanse/lemonade diet for these 5 days, but have just been reading about it in more detail, and...... you need to take 2 laxatives a day. wtf. i've never taken one in my life! i can cope with 5 days of just juice, but i am not at all sure about deliberately inducing diarrhoea......... it comes with the following immortal health warning:

DO NOT BE FOOLED. DO NOT FART. YOU WILL SOIL YOURSELF.

i am thinking this cannot be a good thing. but beyonce swears by it. has anyone here ever tried it or anything similar????
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:00, Reply)

You'll only put the weight back on love so don't bother.

( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:02, Reply)

it's more for the system flushing and skin polishing
than an instant weight loss fix. but it's the system flushing that sounds fucking gross!!!!!!!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Your system doesn't need flushing
And anyone who thinks it does is a fucking moron.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Here is the secret to dieting and weight loss: There are approximately 3,500 calories in a pound of refined fat.
If, over a period of time, you consume 3,500 fewer calories than you expend, you will lose a pound in body weight. That's it. That's all you need to know.

Exercise if you like, but only really if you want to be a bit fitter than otherwise you would be - but exercise purely for weight-loss is a losing game, simply because the body is so incredibly efficient at retaining and using energy.

Hope that helps.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:37, Reply)

You're wrong
if your body was a simple machine you might have a point but it isn't. Every change you make will cause your body to react - changing metabolism, fat storage, energy reserves. That has to be taken into account if you're actually going to lose weight.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Fair point - but if you're at a steady state, neither losing nor gaining weight, then less energy going in means reserves will start to deplete, right?
If you can knock a significant chunk off energy intake (let's say 300 cals per day which ought to lose about 1kg over a month - hardly rapid but doable), you're going to start to lose weight.

I mean, it won't be pleasant and you'll feel hungry, but you'll have to lose weight - your body's got few other options available. Of course this is not sexy and doesn't need pricey dieting products to achieve, so I guess it's not going to be very popular ...
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Sounds, erm, scientific*?
*like another crock of shit 'celebrity diet'.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:03, Reply)

it's been around since the 1940's i think
there are very mixed views on it, some people swear by it, some people say it is very bad for you. personally i don't think doing it once for a few days can be that bad for you, but overdoing it could be serious.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:05, Reply)

It just sounds dangerous to me
It seems that with all these diets, it's whether or not your body can actually take the strain a major diet puts it under, like the people who were hospitalised whilst on the Atkins Diet.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:07, Reply)

and lighterlife
several people claim they went blind doing that
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Fucking hell

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Of course it's bad for you
you are deliberately causing your body to act in the way that it does when you suffer serious illness, you really must need your head examining if you would consider doing it.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:13, Reply)

lots of people really swear by it though and some of them are doctors
i don't think it can be dismissed that easily. i just don't think it suits the lifestyle of people who have to work for a living.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:18, Reply)

Of course it can dismissed easily
You are reading things on the internet, there is absolutely no proof that anyone condoning it even exists, or if they do, that they don't have a vested interest in gullible people like you going along with it.

Human bodies are perfectly capable of removing things that it doesn't need and expelling them, it's why you shit and piss. If your body needs to get rid of more stuff quickly, you shit, piss and vomit uncontrollably. But forcing your body to do that when it doesn't need to, you can only be causing it harm.

And the fact that you can't understand that, yet you claim to be intelligent and responsible, is terrifying.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:23, Reply)

i cannot see how me doing something to my own body
is remotely "terrifying". it would only affect me. not humanity as a whole. slight DRAMAQUEEN overreaction from the king of the cucumbers here.

i am intelligent. academics and professional life prove that. but where, in my 7 years on here and my 33 years on this planet, have i ever once, even accidentally, claimed to be "responsible"? fuck that nasty shit.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:27, Reply)

You're misreading it
it's terrifying that someone who "proven by academics and professional life" as apparently intelligent, is too stupid to realise that making yourself shit uncontrollably is a bad idea.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:39, Reply)

the question that you are missing
(albeit that it is unclear whether this obtuseness is deliberate or not) is: DO THE ENDS JUSTIFY THE MEANS.

if you shit uncontrollably (and that's also a massive exaggeration, the king of cucumbers is also the lord of hyperbole) for 10 days but lose 20lbs, at least 10lbs of which stays gone, and have great skin afterwards, is it worth it.

some people think so. others do not. that is their prerogative. and it is not for you to denounce what other people choose to do with their own bodies as "terrifying". that's just judgmental and short-sighted. two things that i would never, ever, ever be.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:45, Reply)

Probably not
and I say this from the perspective of a person who for most of the last month would gladly kill for just one packet of crisps. The master-cleanse is actually pretty poor, since detox diets generally make people feel better for pyschological reasons as opposed to physical, and the nastier elements of it remove some of that it I reckon
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:48, Reply)

You're taking laxatives
Now, I would expect someone who has been proven to be as intelligent as you to know what a laxative does, but since you apparently don't let me explain it, it makes everything in your bowels go straight through and out of your anus. You can try and stop it, but you won't be able to for very long. Normal people can let out a fart when they need a shit, you just explained that this is impossible when you are taking these laxatives, consequently, you are losing control of your normal bowel function. Your bowel functions are, if you will, uncontrolled. Ergo, your shitting is uncontrollable.

You might have enough notice to get to a toilet, but you can't stop it for very long.

And if you knew anything about dieting using laxatives etc. you would also know that you do not lose 20lbs and then keep 10 of those pounds off, people who use extreme dieting techniques put the weight back on and usually more to boot.

Only people who lose weight the sensible way by changing their lifestyle to one with lower fat foods, less alcohol and more exercise actually keep the weight off.

And don't kid yourself it leaves you with better skin, that's what is commonly known as a lie.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:57, Reply)

i'm looking at beyonce, who swears by it
and i'm looking at your picture on fb.

guess which makes the more compelling argument.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 12:09, Reply)

I suspect that if she were being truthful
she would swear by her personal trainer, her dietician, her professional makeup artists etc.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 12:13, Reply)

Also, genetics.

( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 12:15, Reply)

Also, she's a singer
she's not a biologist or a healthcare professional so why on earth would her opinion make any difference?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 12:19, Reply)

There are famous people that endorse homeopathic suger pills.
They're attractive, therefore it must work.
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 12:20, Reply)

You think I look like a baby Llama?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Erm, no.
I prefer the more traditional diet of getting up off your fat arse and eating less. Old-fashioned, but it works.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:05, Reply)

it's a cleanse thing not a diet thing
if you don't eat for 5-10 days you will lose shed-loads of water and as soon as you eat solid food, it'll go right back on. BUT if you flush out lots of toxins and then eat much more healthily going forward... i believe that is the thinking.

i wonder how vodka fits in with it. can i have vodka with the lemonade i wonder.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:06, Reply)

flushing out toxins is bullshit I reckon
don't drink any booze, smoke no fags, eat vegetables and not much fat and it will do you more good.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:09, Reply)

i don't smoke
and mostly i eat vegetables and brown rice or houmous these days. the two bad things i can NOT give up are cheese and vodka. oh and diet coke!

oh well, you lot are making me feel better about abandoning the idea, that's for sure.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:10, Reply)

why do you think you are full of 'toxins' then?
aside from way too much cheese and diet coke your diet is probably about as healthy as it gets.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:11, Reply)

when i cook for myself it is, or even when i buy lunch at work
my real problem is that so much of my social life is about eating out because of course in london you all live so far away from one another that it's much easier to meet centrally. and yes we can all make healthy choices from the menu, but they are NEVER the good ones!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:14, Reply)

in that case you'd never be able to stick to a diet of juice and laxatives anyway.
the best advice is to stop worrying about it and enjoy yourself.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:14, Reply)

true
i'd just gotten all psyched up to do this detox. went online to find a healthstore that sold the right kind of maple syrup. read the farting warning.

panicked.

you guys have now cured me of the idea!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:16, Reply)

detox is a stupid idea for gullible idiots.

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:17, Reply)

Let's face it hon.
We are just the shape we are and nothing but hard work and misery can alter that.
( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:21, Reply)

wrong.
I've got slim by eating whatever I want and smoking pot.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:29, Reply)

It is complete nonsense.
Your liver and kidneys are the perfect 'de-toxing' organs. Unless these organs are failing they are all you need.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:11, Reply)

precisely
and anyway, I eat like a lord and am still managing to lose weight, and my body must be working right because of how awesomely it is healing my chickenpox wounds.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Dammit!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:14, Reply)

sorry to disappoint

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:17, Reply)

You look like a 'lord and all.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:14, Reply)

I'm still never going to bum you

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:15, Reply)

I'll bet Monty is now the saddest man alive.
Don't worry, I'm sure Darth will have you.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:17, Reply)

They all 'crack' in the 'end'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:17, Reply)

I agree
What are these "toxins" you speak of? Have you been eating poison? Sounds like hippy mumbo jumbo to me
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:13, Reply)

i drink 1-2 cans of diet coke a day
sometimes more. that's a lot of crap!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:14, Reply)

my mate Stacey drinks more than that
and coffee as well.

She is an odd one though, despite being the best cook I know she has to have ketchup with everything.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:16, Reply)

The only thing you'll get from Diet Coke is a little bloated due to all the carbon dioxide.
It's just flavoured water and is usually gone from your system within a day.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:16, Reply)

Really?
Diet coke is just fizzy water, sweetener and flavouring. Nothing particularly bad in that. Not as bad as the 2 litres of regular coke I drink a day :s
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:19, Reply)

it's the aspartame in the sweetener that is the bad boy
i think. there are some horrors on the internet about aspartame poisoning.

it is on the internet. it must be true.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:20, Reply)

You can poisen yourself with anything if you have too much of it
But diabetics have to have sweetener all the time. The only thing it really does is maybe make your poo a bit softer/runnier. My brother's diabetic and has been drinking sugar free drinks by the bucket load for the past 11 years and he's fine
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:25, Reply)

If you look up oxygen poisoning on the internet, you'll find that's a problem, too.
Please give up oxygen, ta.
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Also, mind out for that di-hydrogen monoxide.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Here's a site that isn't wikipedia, or American
www.food.gov.uk/safereating/chemsafe/additivesbranch/sweeteners/55174

That should hopefully be a bit more helpful.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Amateur.
I used to drink pretty much 3 litres a day for the whole of sixth form and first year uni (if you count the fact my alcoholic beverage of choice was vodka and Diet Coke). I had to cut down because my caffeine intake was actually affected my ability to go to lectures.
(Charmander, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:27, Reply)

^ PUNK ROCK

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:31, Reply)

That's me all over though.
Have we not met?
(Charmander, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:32, Reply)

i used to drink that much when i was at kings!
i bought about 10 x 2 litre bottles a week. then i got spoiled, i don't like it when they've been open for a bit. so now it's cans all the way!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:36, Reply)

Seriously, this is an horrific idea, and you'll put the weight back on inside a month.
And when you're fucking on the couch you'll shit all over him..... actually, no, it's a great idea.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:05, Reply)

maybe we should practice first?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Yeah', that's cool, I'll get some clingfilm.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:11, Reply)

The only diet that will ever work is the eat less food, do more exercise diet
And cos I'm lazy and like food then I will never diet. Cos even if I did lose weight then once I'd finished my diet I'd put it all back on again cos I like pizza and chips etc. and life would be boring as shit if I had to eat healthily all the time to stay thin.
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:08, Reply)

Healthy food can still be good.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:12, Reply)

How would you know?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:15, Reply)

Fuck off, povvo.
In relevant news, as I am also a povvo, I won't be able to make your bash, I'm afraid!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:20, Reply)

Oh man that's extremely bad.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:26, Reply)

lots of vegetables stirfried in a chunky tomato, chilli and garlic sauce
with wholegrain rice and a tiny sprinkling of cheese is exceptionally tasty. you can even add carcass for you carnivores.

i might make this later. when i get bored with my nonexistent essay writing.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:15, Reply)

I had garlic pate on Saturday, at the farmers' market.
Luckily Lusty ate some too -but it was fackin lavverly.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:22, Reply)

i love mushroom pate
coarsely chopped with extra garlic
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:22, Reply)

Market! The Farmers Market!

(888777555, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:52, Reply)

That's pretty much exactly what I've got for lunch, only I've got pasta rather than rice.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:23, Reply)

But it can always be improved by making it unhealthy

(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:15, Reply)

Your idea of healthy eating is to not lick the empty munchy box when you've scoffed its contents.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:16, Reply)

By contents you mean his spunk
or the cock of the bloke that was there before him.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:17, Reply)

You mean the queue of anarchists that 'ran a train' on her?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:18, Reply)

isn't she begging for money on her blog now, someone said, rory was it?
maybe she should start charging for a go on the munchbox.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:19, Reply)

She could have £1.50 by Christmas. Good plan.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:20, Reply)

i like this, i do

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:21, Reply)

she should sell it like a greasy christmas hamper

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:21, Reply)

She should do a meat raffle in her local pub.

I feel ill now.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:23, Reply)

why?
you didn't eat any of it, did you?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:24, Reply)

OK now I feel really, really ill.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:25, Reply)

It seems sad he dedicates so much time to researching what others are doing.
Yet has the temerity to refer to anyone else on here as an 'internet shut in'
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:35, Reply)

ah, bella
RIP our fallen comrade in arms
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:17, Reply)

*Raises fist in solidarity*

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:21, Reply)

in solidarity
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:59, Reply)

My lunch today is a home made pasta dish
The least healthy thing in it is probably the little bit of sweet chilli sauce I added.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:22, Reply)

I stand by my earlier bacon/pig comment.
3 helpings of pig per day. Pepperoni pizza for tea, pork scratchings for dinner.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:20, Reply)

Oh Jesus Christ, swipe.
These detox things are invented to sell books. They do not work.

How can denying your body nutrients ever be doign any good at all? Think about it logically. It's bullshit. It's obviously bullshit. It's on the level of homeopathic sugar pills.

If you start doing this diet, I will personally come over and burn your flat block down out of sheer anger at your daftness.
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:20, Reply)

why has this now swung me in the opposite direction
and made me much more determined to do it?

hmmm.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Because, as proven by your desire to do this snake oil shite,
you're a barely cogniscent masochist.
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:22, Reply)

mmm
masochism
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:24, Reply)

That's my best put down of the day so far.
And that's all you offer in return?

I hate you.
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:25, Reply)

no you don't
you're very fond of me, ONLINE. albeit that sometimes i really irritate you. and sometimes you think idly about chucking one up me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:27, Reply)

surely he's not rich enough to have such thoughts?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:29, Reply)

every girl needs a bit of rough from time to time

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Yeah, but your version of rough would be some North London Ponce like Monty.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:34, Reply)

Have I mentioned that I'm from Surrey?

( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:36, Reply)

I'm really not.
I'm like the rough mate she keeps around in order to help her feel superior.
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Surely the Merc, massive sallery and HOY (gay) BOYFRIEND do that.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:35, Reply)

and you're like the stableboy
who hangs around the princess in the hope that one day-

it's better when joey does it, i can't keep that up.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:35, Reply)

Fuck off am I the stableboy. Horses are stupid.

( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:36, Reply)

You called?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:37, Reply)

Oh please. I never think that.
I think "smashing one up it".
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:30, Reply)

mmm
sadism
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:31, Reply)

I'd say I was into S&M, necrophilia and beastiality
But that's just flogging a dead horse.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:33, Reply)

I thought that read"bum your flat block down", these hangover things can be quite hallucinogenic.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:23, Reply)

nah
kroney just really wants to have anal sex with me (or anyone), and you have picked up on this internet sexual tension.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:24, Reply)

As ever, this is a horrific idea, but you'll do it anyway, so why ask?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:21, Reply)

i didn't ask if i should do it
i asked if any of you lot had done it, or anything similar.

/is lawyer
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:22, Reply)

Good, point.
Everyone else just assumed. As you were.
Actually if I think it's a bad idea, that's pretty much a guarantee it's your kind of thing, being, as I am, The Anti-Swipe.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 11:27, Reply)