I won't drink Vimto, because it's made by torturing kittens.
What will you simply not eat or drink and why?

Alt: should I be insulted that anyone actually believed I think eggs are a vegetable?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:19, 250 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

: (

( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:20, Reply)

It's OK, I gots you special Vimto that's organic and vegan.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Fanku!

( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:27, Reply)

S'all right chuck.
I owes ya one. In other news I just realised I can nearly hear normally again, well almost.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Well that won't last long till after the gig : )

( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I think I'm finally on the mend.
*crosses extremities*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Huzzah!

( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:36, Reply)

*quaffs tea*

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:41, Reply)

My throat was so bad last Friday
I was convinced I had another abscess and nearly took myself to hospital.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Are you well enough to go out on the piss yet?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:38, Reply)

My throat's been hurting a]gain, but nothing lockets can't cover.
I think I'm past the worst of it.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:36, Reply)

yes you should be

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Andouillette. Because it smells like poo and tastes like how one might imagine poo to taste.
I will not drink Ouzo/Raki/Sambucca/Pernod etc nor will I eat marzipan/amaretti etc for similar reasons.

Quiche is bent and repulsive, to boot - and celery is a fucking abomination. Also salmon that has not been smoked is fucking bollocks.

Other than that, yes please.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:23, Reply)

So aniseed and almonds smell and taste like poo?
sorry, what?
(berk, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Yes. The poo of Satan and his evil hordes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:25, Reply)

So salmon & pernod quiche wouldn't be you death row meal then.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Maybe it would
as it would make me feel more keen on the idea of death.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:29, Reply)

almonds are pretty horrible
I don't touch marzipan or amaretto
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Andouillette is truly awful.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:33, Reply)

There aren't words.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Alt: live by the thick, etc.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:23, Reply)

*is insulted*

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:29, Reply)

*'mission accomplished' face*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Good morning.
I cannot drink instant coffee, nor coffee of any type with milk or sugar in it. Tastes foul. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:23, Reply)

I don't drink coffee.
I won't eat liver, vile stuff. Same for nuts, jalapenos, liquorice, and a few other bits.

As Monty said, quiche is pretty shit too. However, my Dad used to make something fairly similar that was pretty damn good.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Liver can be one of the nicest foods in the world. Seriously.
I'm not talking about leathery, tough, Northern 'tea' liver, btw.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I've only ever eaten it twice
Once in the North, once in France.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Venison liver ftw.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:29, Reply)

See also: goose, calf

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Chciken livers on toast

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:36, Reply)

NOM.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:39, Reply)

I dunno.
I can't work out if you actually think kittens are being tortured, either.

There's nothing that generally classifies as a foodstuff that I won't eat but there is stuff I don't like.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:26, Reply)

*is doubly insulted*
racist.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:30, Reply)

It's a monday morning, CQ, and there's obviously some fucking meme I've missed.
The options are: a) explain the joke or b) be thought of as fucking thick. S'not rocket surgery, mate.

Massive racist, me. yep. I fucking hate the Paris-Dakar for a start.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:33, Reply)

No meme, just in a mood for spouting shit and seeing how long it take people to realise I couldn't possibly believe what I'm saying.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:34, Reply)

word to the wise - try not doing that on a monday, eh?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Meh, woke up in a funny mood and it just came naturally.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Red meat and anything that tastes of aniseed.

( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I don't drink vimto because I had it wonce and it made me vomit purple.
Purple is my favourite colour apart from when it's coming out of me.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Glad to see you are still alive.
I say 'glad'....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Shocked to see you're still alive

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:30, Reply)

As is my GP.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:35, Reply)

GP witchdoctor
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:38, Reply)

That portrait of me that I keep in my attic is looking TERRIBLE these days.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Erm...
That's a mirror.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:42, Reply)

*sniggers*

( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:43, Reply)

's racist.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:44, Reply)

The second choice for renaming marathon bars

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:51, Reply)

corn based snacks
YICK YICK YICK. Get those doritoes away from me and get me PROPER CRISPS
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Plain corn chips are fine. Doritos are of course shit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:28, Reply)

nope
all shit. Also corn tortilla wraps
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I'm the oposite, much prefer corn chips, most crisps are shit.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Root vegetable crisps are the best.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Parsnip crisps are nice

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:37, Reply)

You have to get used to the sweet taste.
Which is just wrong with crisps.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:40, Reply)

I like rood vegetables
but prefer them all juice, rather them desicated.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:40, Reply)

hehe
rood vegetables. Like carrots shaped like vaginas
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:47, Reply)

you're doin' it rong!

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Nik naks!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:44, Reply)

I won't eat tripe, or eels.
Everything else is worth a try, except sausages that taste like poo.

Alt: Yeah be indignant that anyone thought you were that thick.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:31, Reply)

So far Monty and badger are off my xmas card list.
oh, and Poppet.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Try not to be so sensitive.
Keep them on the list until December 23rd, then forget about the list anyway.

Works for me, every year.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:37, Reply)

I'm NOT sensitive!
You're off the list too.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Result.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Liver
outside of pate obviously. I really can't stand the texture. And courgettes

Alt: Yes you should. Unless you do in which case be pleased
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Morning fascist.
How's the feet?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Sore, didn't get much sleep
but not terrible thanks. You?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Not bad, I have the day off
sitting around in my jammies watching Batman.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:38, Reply)

In your fucking WHATS?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:40, Reply)

haha!

( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Jammies.
it's winter now, so I sleeps in my flannel jarmers. I may need 2 pair when next I venture north.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:45, Reply)

he's up to his nuts in children's biscuits as far as I can discern from that post.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:45, Reply)

no, I'm up to my nuts in your brother, do keep up.
But I am wearing my PJs.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:46, Reply)

I think I see the problem here
You don't know how to spell "pyjamas"
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:50, Reply)

I like my jimjams.
thye is all snuggly
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:51, Reply)

I don;t think I've ever been presented with a foodstuff or beverage that I wouldn't try
I really don't like gin and I still managed to down half a pint of G&T on Saturday - and win, I might add.

I'm all class, me.
(berk, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:33, Reply)

by what criterion was winning being measured?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:34, Reply)

By not losing of course.

( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:35, Reply)

well, yeah.
But, presumably there were some finer judging points?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Poise and a sparkly frock?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:39, Reply)

This is more the territory I was edging towards.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:39, Reply)

This is the kind of competition you could win

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:41, Reply)

I've let my sparkly frock collection slip over the years, t_b
I just don't have the legs for them any more.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Are you fishing for compliments here Badgo?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:56, Reply)

er, no. Sorry.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Drinking half a pint of G & T obviously

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Again, I'd have thought there was something more "judgeworthy"
since, if the game was "survive drinking half a pint of G&T" and Berk was the only one that won, surely there'd be quite a lot of police interest in the number of faintly juniper-scented corpses?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:38, Reply)

More of an investigation
into the number of lightweights one pub can possibly hold
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Well, yeah.
that was kind of my point. Given drinking half a pint of G&T isn't up there with wrestling a bear, what was it being judged on? Speed? class? knocking a chav clean out with the glass afterwards?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Is that like 'lavender scented'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:41, Reply)

yes, only more bent.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:45, Reply)

She got boned

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Considering she has a boyfriend it's not surprising.

( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:55, Reply)

Penis
Alt: what are they classified as? Never thought about it.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:41, Reply)

cheese.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Lies on the internet

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:46, Reply)

chicken periods.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Bleurgh

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:51, Reply)

nom.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:52, Reply)

I'm not keen on sperm
A friend/colleague of mine is one of those people who persistently comes into work hungover, recently he almost cut his finger off while trying to make a sandwich with a large kitchen knife while drunk, and last week he was almost bragging about drink driving, as well as driving without his contacts in.

This weekend he posted on Facebook that he'd been in A&E again with a friend who had cut his hand very badly, again while they were both drunk. Should I tell the little twat to sort his life out and let him know that the NHS isn't his own personal drunken mishap service, or leave it be?

He's 24
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Let natural selection works its magic.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:43, Reply)

normally I would
but it'll be doctors and nurses time that he's using, and suppose he hits someone else with his car?

Another guy I work with is currently doing 3 years for hitting an old lady while speeding
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Do you work for Cunt & Sons, International Cunt Merchants?
I'd get another job if I were you.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:46, Reply)

most of my colleagues are great
it's just this one little twat, I think he may be drinking to try to get away from the fact that he's so deep in the closet he's teabagging Mr Tumnus.

The other guy's a nice bloke, made a mistake and is paying for it
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Belting some old trout in the face
really does enhance the buzz of amphetamine, though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:47, Reply)

I thought about making this post
but I figured you'd do it better.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:48, Reply)

you must work somewhere really classy.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Work is fine
the twat is a very posh, well-brought up guy, the RTA bloke is one of the MD's Godsons who we're doing a favour as he is genuinely a lovely person
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Posh people are cunts.
Even the Queen.
( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:56, Reply)

this may well be it
but I suspect his repressed homosexuality may also be the root of some of his problems
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:56, Reply)

You should never repress your sexuality.
As Billy Bragg sang

Sexuality
Young and wild and wet and free

Or words to that effect.
( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Widen your social circle

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:58, Reply)

e o
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:00, Reply)

A speculum may help with this endeavour.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:00, Reply)

Half my family are posh cunts so I speak from experience.

( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:00, Reply)

'Salt of the Earth' types are even more annoying than 'Posh cunts', at least the latter have some pretense at manners and don't eat soup with accompanying slurping sounds

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Chavs are the worst.
With their text speak spelling, addiction to cheap nasty leisurewear and inability to string a sentence together.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:07, Reply)

everyone who isn't me is a cunt

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:12, Reply)

cunt
not really
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:19, Reply)

cunt

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:20, Reply)

NO, you cunt
*suspects this should probably end now*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Sort your own life out first eh dr phil

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:43, Reply)

What has this to do with Sperm?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:44, Reply)

everything is to do with sperm

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:45, Reply)

things you simply won't eat or drink, I assume.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Only northerners could fuck up squash and make vimto
Full of nostalgia, hotpot and whippet piss
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:43, Reply)

But we have Black Pudding,
and flat caps.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:50, Reply)

These days flat caps are for hipster cunts and whippet fucking unemployed ex-miners
/thatcher lols
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 10:58, Reply)

That's in there too

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:20, Reply)

That would make it a bit lumpy

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:20, Reply)

It's blended at one of the many abandoned mills

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:26, Reply)

I see

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Red apples
I can't eat them, full stop. I do not know why

Bamboo shoots are shit too. I'd be a crap panda
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:15, Reply)

Apples are rubbish anyway

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:16, Reply)

What about cider...CIDER!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:17, Reply)

Yar!!
I used to drink cider as a kid and completely stopped for years. I'm back into it now, lovely stuff!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:18, Reply)

I can drink cider
but I'm intolerant to apples
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:21, Reply)

I'm intolerant to all the people that are "intolerant" to foods
Some on Come Dine With Me yesterday claimed to be intolerant to cous cous.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:24, Reply)

Cous cous is wrong. Devils food. It's just dust.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Yeah, but just becasue you don't like a foodstuff
doesn't mean that you are intolerant to it
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:28, Reply)

True.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:34, Reply)

I am too
It is always meh when it promises to be nice
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:27, Reply)

I don't like calling it an allergy
because it's not a death-risk allergy. I just happen to be allergic to birch pollen, which often brings allergies to certain fruits along with it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:28, Reply)

points for obscure allergy.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:38, Reply)

I love really cold Granny Smith apples from the fridge
The greener the better
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:17, Reply)

Yes yes yes.
Gotta be proper crunchy and crisp n'all.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:23, Reply)

Yeah
and almost dry in their sourness

EDIT:
Like Monty
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:25, Reply)

The skin tastes like mud to me, regardless of washing

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Peel them?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:20, Reply)

If you're going to that much effort you might as well have a Twix

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:22, Reply)

..of which you also eat the wrapper, right?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:26, Reply)

More likely that apples are too healthy for you fatso.
Stick to your barrow fulls of pies, burgers, cake, pizza, doughnuts and pasta.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Flaked out and smothered your kid yet?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Remember you can only flounce on life once

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:28, Reply)

I've forgotten who you are

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Just another cunt on the internet

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:33, Reply)

At least humanity doesn't have to worry about you breeding. Even a blind woman could tell how chunky you are.
Have you ever seen your penis underneath your gut?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Yes, would you like a gaz?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:34, Reply)

My eyesight isn't good enough to see something that will look so small compared to the rest of your lardy frame.
Isn't it time for your next meal yet?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:36, Reply)

Is that due to all the weeping and mawkish howling?
Isn't it time for you to do some work and secure a future for your child?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:39, Reply)

My daughter's future is fine thanks. Unless she gets within your eating force field.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:42, Reply)

What if daddy has a bad day and can't cope anymore? We know it's s possibility...
Don't kick the baby
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:48, Reply)

As my daughter has two parents I am sure her mother would step in if I went Moaty.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:53, Reply)

You're the "I die, we die" type.
I can tell
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Whereas you're more the "Must eat, must eat" type.
How many McDonald's have you emptied so far today?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:05, Reply)

It's six am so only two but Chicago is a big city
Very easy to hide a dead baby *taps nose and points*
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:12, Reply)

Red Bull or any other energy drink.
They all taste like sick.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:23, Reply)

Red Bull needs vodka in it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:25, Reply)

That's his mums breakfast that is

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:25, Reply)

I used to drink that BACK WHEN I WAS A PRICK

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:26, Reply)

You've stopped being a prick?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:28, Reply)

no bullying the sockpuppets

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:29, Reply)

I'm only a prick on alternate days now

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:30, Reply)

What day is today?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:32, Reply)

today is AN alternate Day

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:34, Reply)

No Red Bull needs destroying
Whatever you put in it it's still absolutely vile, and a waste of good vodka. Vodka and orange juice on the other hand, amazing.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Vodka and lime cordial
Nicer than it sounds
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:28, Reply)

this

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Red Bull tastes like Refreshers or something

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:28, Reply)

as of a resolution last night, CHOCOLATE
what does my colleague bring me back from miami? not one but two giant white chocolate toblerones.

also i finally got caught for speeding yesterday. there is absolutely no excuse other than total idiocy and an empty motorway. 98mph (although only at one point, mostly they clocked me at 80-85mph). i was bloody lucky to get let off with no points/fine, which i think was partly due to the sob story i gave him, but mostly due to the fact that i've had a completely clean licence for 17 years. i have most definitely learned my lesson. urgh.

BUT i do have to query why it took 3 bloody police cars to do it. if someone had nicked the car or vandalised it, there wouldn't have been a policeman in sight, never mind 3 cars-full. also, he said to me: you only slowed down when you saw a speed camera or when you saw me in your rear-view mirror. well, yeah. doesn't everyone do that?!

i do feel like just the tiniest bit of a total twat though.

/chastened
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:28, Reply)

You didn't get points for doing 98mph?
Your BJs must be really impressive
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:29, Reply)

i know, right?!
he was so rude to me at first. then having told me that a speeding car was "more dangerous than a loaded gun" etc etc, he barked: "why did you do it? why?"

so i said: "i'm not going to give you any excuses, i shouldn't have done it." then promptly launched into a really feeble excuse about being very upset and just needing to get home...... i DIDN'T CRY though!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:34, Reply)

Speeding is fun and safe, just ignore them

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:29, Reply)

There was loads of fedz on the m1 and m6 yesterday

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:30, Reply)

this was the m40... usually a ghost road......

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Dunno, must have been Super Sunday for the fedz on the Motorways yesterday then

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:34, Reply)

well yeah
it's not like there were any burglaries or drug crimes going on...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:35, Reply)

There was at Old Trafford!!111!!!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:37, Reply)

gosh, an eleventy one and everything
have not seen result, what happened?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:38, Reply)

Utd 1 city 6

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:40, Reply)

On a scale of 1-6 how upset do you think Utd fans are?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:42, Reply)

I'm an arsenal fan so I'm keeping schtum

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:43, Reply)

You're shit
and you know you are, no really you guys seem to have accepted the fact
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:45, Reply)

Getting a bit better now but still shit

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:47, Reply)

I'm not particularly bothered, tbh.
Man U were (just) the better team until Evans went. Then they tried to get out of it by all-out attack, which was suicide, but it's no indication of anything. City still haven't faced a half-decent team in the premiership this season on equal terms. First thing I did at the final whistle was place a signficant bet that Man U will finish above City in May. It's as meanignless in the grand scheme of things as Man U putting 8 past Arsenal, which is why I didn't crow about that either.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:46, Reply)

No they weren't, most of the possession but you did fuck all with it.
City were prepared and clinical. Utd gave up and collapsed.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:49, Reply)

haha, were you watching a different game?
Granted, Man U were a bit arsenal-ish in their wastefulness in the last third in the first half. But they didn't give up, they used their defenders as wingers from the second that Evans went. Which was very stupid, but no indication of anything meaningful. Watch it again and pay attention this time, eh?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:53, Reply)

I only watched highlights as it was on at 7:30 am here
It showed city giving you too much respect for fifteen minutes before smashing six past you at home. You watch it again and tell me rio and the rest of the back four didn't give up. You don't score 3 in 3 if the other team still give a shit. Oh and at home as well... Ouch
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:01, Reply)

is this actually true? 6-1 to the bitter men??
no wonder i haven't heard from my dad and brothers since. they've probably killed themselves.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Yup it was great to see a shell shocked fergie

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:11, Reply)

No, you score 3 in 3 between the 90th and 93 minute
when the other team, who've been playing with 10 men for 40 mins, pull one back to 3-1 and go all-out attack, and City find the inevitable spaces on the break. I'm not saying City aren't very good, I'm saying bar the 3 points it's a meaningless result as it's no indication City are a better team in an equal arena.

IF you'd watched the whole game you'd have seen that Man U had a lot of pressure and (I think) more shots in the second half. 11 v 11 and City would have struggled to hold the lead, and Mancini basically admitted as much. It was a carbon-copy of the Charity Shield and the 2-1 last season until Evans went.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:13, Reply)

Midfield choice was wrong, city had a plan and it worked.
Money, unfortunately, wins you football games
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Was their plan
to score more goals than the opposing team?
I don't know much about football, but I'm sure this should always be the plan.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Or not let in as many

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:22, Reply)

See, I told you I didn't know much about it.
If I ever have to manage a team I'll hire you as my assistant, Bobs.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:24, Reply)

you should also be aware
that just because a team won, does not mean that played better, apparently.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:24, Reply)

Usually does unless you follow man u

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:29, Reply)

I'm not saying they weren't better
I'm saying the fact they were better 11 v 10 is fairly meaningless, whereas the footballing press seems to regard it as some kind of new dawn and power shift. Like when Newcastle beat Man U 5-1. Or Southampton beat them 6-3. Or Liverpool beat them 4-1 two years ago. Because all three of those clubs went on to dominate the premiership for years to come, of course. Oh, hang on...
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:34, Reply)

It won't win them the league
that's why I placed a sizeable bet.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 13:31, Reply)

Did you go?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:38, Reply)

I'm at every home game

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:24, Reply)

Are you Alex ferguson?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:29, Reply)

No, as then he would be called
Rory Ryon
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:31, Reply)

You're lucky. I had to go on a 4 hour course a couple of weeks ago to avoid 3 points and keep my license clean.
My crime? 35 in 30. FFS.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Speeeding in a built up area is seen as worse due to all the kiddies

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Trading estate on a Sunday morning whilst lost in Northumberland. Hardly the crime of the century.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:33, Reply)

It could be you
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2052533/Worlds-fastest-crash-test-Car-smashes-wall-120mph-speed-family-runarounds-hit.html
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:38, Reply)

what, me in the daily mail?
are you mad?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:38, Reply)

He will be once he's finished

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Lawyer sucks off whole squad car to avoid fine shocker

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:40, Reply)

So prior to this stunt
people thought that driving head on at a concrete wall at 120 was perfectly safe?

right.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:47, Reply)

You're in luck
White chocolate isn't classed as chocolate. Fill your boots.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:38, Reply)

or indeed edible.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:42, Reply)

It's congeald moose spunk

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:43, Reply)

nom.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:47, Reply)

They never had you clocked on radar gear at 98 and let you off
It's not a "grey area" speed, it's compulsory court attendence. I got taken to court for 96.

Was it a car clocking you on video? because they can only do you for an average speed, they aren't calibrated for single speeds in a way that would be admissable in court. They probably told you 98 to shit you up.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:38, Reply)

If I understand it correctly
They have to have clocked you over a certain distance too. Often you will get pulled over, ticked off and then "let off" - which means "we don't have enough to charge you with"
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:42, Reply)

Sounds like they were recording her for long enough, to be fair
but if the average was low 80s they were never going to bother persuing it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:43, Reply)

A mile I believe

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:43, Reply)

Normally they go with your average speed over a third of a mile.
Unless they nick you with the VASCAR system.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:44, Reply)

i think that's right, it was a video in the car
however, there is no doubt that i was doing at least 98mph at some points. i was in a hurry and i had a lot of stuff on my mind and it is a very fast car and i was being a twat!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:03, Reply)

I think if they are using a video in the car
Then they are making an estimate of your speed, based on the speed they have to do to chase you. I'm quite prepared to be proven wrong on this though...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:06, Reply)

i'm just so fucking relieved to have been let off
that i don't care!

urgh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:08, Reply)

Oh, I don't doubt it
I'm just pointing out they can't have any proof of that or they would have thrown the book at you ...
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:14, Reply)

ssh
my ego would prefer it if he fancied me.

indulge me?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:26, Reply)

You're a lawyer aren't you/ Can't you find some loophole?

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:46, Reply)

You don't really need a loophole when you haven't actually been done for anything.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:47, Reply)

You're right.
I didn't read it properly. I've been told if they haven't calibrated their equipment that day, this is grounds for getting off, but that may be an urban myth.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:53, Reply)

I'm assuming she was being followed and recorded.
That's timing gear and doesn't need calibrating every day, but can only be used as evidence of an average speed over a certain distance

If they actually had her on radar doing 98 no sob story in the world would get her off prosecution, it's compulsory.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:56, Reply)

hence the need for multiple blowjobs.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:01, Reply)

I think it's one gobble for every 10mph over the limit.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:03, Reply)

I heard she talked them down to 5mph

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:06, Reply)

I was told it's the radar gun,
but it is probably an urban myth. Like the one putting tinfoil in your mouth fucks the breathalyser.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:02, Reply)

I've heard that they can't prosecute you if they have their police radio on at the same time as the radar,
cause thy can mess each other up. When my boyfriend got caught he got the fine, but not the points, as they couldn't prove his speed accurately enough. Or maybe his blowjob technique wasn't good enough
(DeeDee, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:16, Reply)

He's alright
I've had worse.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:21, Reply)

l p

LOL!!11111!!!!!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 11:52, Reply)

I just laughed at this, and now feel thoroughly ashamed.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 12:02, Reply)