Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Did I break b3ta? Sorry.Here's a shiny new thread. Do with it what you will.
And happy candle day Blousie, as I didn't say it before.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:42,
231 replies,
latest was 14 years ago)
What can I do, Rory?I'm just unlikeable. It's a good job you and me are still besties.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:47,
Reply)
I am well in case you were wondering(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:50,
Reply)
I'm glad to hear that, Rory.I'd hate to think you were in any way suffering.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:52,
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I had a nasty surprise at the garage today b3th:((
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:53,
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rotting hooker in the boot?(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:54,
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No amount of air freshener is getting that smell out.(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:56,
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Nerp, they doubled the service cost to 750, and I got a nail in me new tyre and they have to replace both so that's like 600I did drink coffee till I had to piss and I ate a packet of posho biscuits, so weren't all bad
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:58,
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Shit.I drive one of them too. And it needs servicing in January. I hope it doesn't cost that much. Shouldn't do, it's a massive shitheap.
i think I'm in one of the top tiers for road tax though, which is also due in January.
*sighs*
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:03,
Reply)
Tuscan lemon bisuitsnom nom nommy
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:01,
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They do sound goodNot £1300 nice. Maybe £1150 at a push
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:02,
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You're not unlikeable,You clearly don't know what a pun is, but you're not unlikeable.
And the 16 minutes expired ages ago.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:50,
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That's the /offtopic spirit(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:52,
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OH FOR CHRIST SAKE, CAN SOMEONE GET THIS WOMEN A PENIS WITH A WILLING MAN ATTACHED & A BOTTLE OF GRAY GOOSE, STAT !Oh look, I'm first in line !
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 18:34,
Reply)
fuck this for a game of shoulders, i'm gonna do myself in for shits and giggles(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:56, Reply)
not sure how i'd get the last nail in and set myself on fire, not sure you thought this through stunnedgot any more bright ideas?
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:02, Reply)
Rigged up nail gunAnd a lit zippo held up by a piece of rope that is being burnt through by a candle, then the zippo falls into the puddle of petrol under you WHOOOOSH
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:04,
Reply)
sounds like a considerable amount of quite intricate workcan't I just drop a fridge on my head or summat?
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:06, Reply)
How will you lift a fridge above your head?(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:08,
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This is actually quite amusing.(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:09,
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I will nail you to the cross. And as soon as you are ready will douse you in aviation fuel and set your face to burned.
It's what real mates are for.
Edit: Please, call me Barbara.
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:05, Reply)
alright barabranot sure thats suicide tho, pretty sure you'll be doin hard time
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:07, Reply)
He'll be hard at the time alright(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:07,
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Do we need a question?Aren't we old enough and clever enough to just talk bollocks without having a question to answer?
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:57,
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Well, you're not.I mean, you might be clever enough, but you're certainly not old enough. i mean, you're not even a real person.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:02,
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That's very trueI have another few years to go before I hit personhood
/yes, what did they ever do to me
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:03,
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I'm reluctant to join this thread as it appears to have been infested with TrollsCheers
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:57, Reply)
This is obviously a Legless jokeOBVIOUSLY
YOU MASSIVE FANNY-HAVING PERSON
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:59, Reply)
OuchOh man I can dish it but I can't take it *runs off crying*
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:01,
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*obvious anal seepage joke*(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:04,
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Oh charmingI accuse you of having big tits, you accuse me of having worn out my clenching muscles
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:07, Reply)
*shrugs*It's been a long day. I'm going for the cheap jokes
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:08,
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Bloke walks into a pet shop and asks "Got any dogs going cheap?" Shop Assistant says, "No, Sir. All our dogs go woof"
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:11, Reply)
*something about hands in the Trill*(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:14,
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*something about the one with the pink nose*(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:16,
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You're calling me cheap now?Admittedly, for you I'd probably waive the non-refundable deposit, but you're still looking at being £6 out of pocket. £8 if you want conversation afterwards.
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:14, Reply)
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:15,
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How do you get the tears to your arsehole?(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:18,
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Everything leads to my arsehole eventuallyThe Romans based their roads on my circulatory system
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:18, Reply)
This image amuses me muchly(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:38,
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You're lucky Al and his mad photoshop skillz aren't here(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:46,
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Oh, that picture you asked for?A pile of shit with letters in it? Any picture from the City Ground last night should do the trick.
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:03, Reply)
Wakey Wakey
Eggy Soldiers
type type type type type type
CBeebies
Din Dins
Beddy Byes.
/Quentin Oftiweak's Diary
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:00,
Reply)
runny eggs and soldiers is tea time of champions!You can't knock it.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:01,
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its always the people they love the most that they hurtfucken alcoholics
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:01, Reply)
I love it when you try insulting you superiorsIt's like watching a gerbil attempting to break into Fort Knox armed only with a feather duster
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:05, Reply)
As I understand ithis bumhole is much easier to get into.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:12,
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I think I've just done myself out of a birthday present.(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:13,
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I'm still mad at you for not replying to my text last nightor even, last night's text today.
I mean, "Oh yeah? Well, so's your face!"
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:17,
Reply)
Oh yeah, sorry about thatand for the FB status. I was tired, quite drunk and OH MY GOD did you see the scoreline last night?!
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:19, Reply)
I did not.Did your 'team' 'win' at the 'football'?
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:20,
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Nah, it's easy to get into that(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:13,
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I take it where I can get it.How's you, handsome?
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:58,
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Very well thank you darlingI'll be in Paris in two days and have just received Internet Validation. Frankly, it's all downhill from here.
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:00, Reply)
Oh, I had a think about presents.If you see a mug for my collection, that would be lovely.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:05,
Reply)
*makes notes*Any preference for design? Please provide scale of LOLWAKIness from 1 to 10
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:06, Reply)
i had an interview with a lady about culinary stuffs todayShe asked who helped with my decision and i wanted to say chuck hughes but figured she wouldnt take me seriously.
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Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:58,
Reply)
ohemgeeIf only there was this box to type stuff in and it would like give you information on stufff then i wouldnt have to tell you he's a gorgeous chef from canada that has his own restaraunt and tv show.
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Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:02,
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You should have said Paula Deen.I think as long as you didn't say Rachel Ray, you'll be fine. So how did it go?
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:59,
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im pretty sure that all of them are functioning alcoholicsAnd i really cant stand either one of those women. especially giada. her mouth! ugh *shudder*
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Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:05,
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Why were you talking to a lady about licking ladies' parts?(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 15:59,
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Oh I love internet sex pests and the ladies who give them what they want.This is the new me Quent.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:12,
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Pretty sure you already have in the last thread(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:14,
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Oh man I can't wait til you're asleep on Friday(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:23,
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Should be about half eight...That shopping business is tiring.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:24,
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Oh good, i have time to kill you then go the pub!(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:24,
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gimme some tips, i need your best moves for seducin the online ladyeez(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:18, Reply)
OK, off the top of my head...Act totally desperate, offer flattery constantly and ask for POIDH at every opportunity.
Throw in a bit of white-knighting to seal the deal, and job's a good 'un - you'll be up to your nuts in guts by tea-time.
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:21, Reply)
Like a peg leg? Or hairlip? Are you allowed to say hairlip these days or should it be cleft palate?
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:26, Reply)
Oh i dunno why you're talking to meI'm so unloveable and I'm only wearing sexy tights and a shiny overall
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:28,
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oh you dirty slutnad whats for pudding? lumpy custard? yeah and i want seconds
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:47, Reply)
god rootathat's not how you solicit pandering. they're not "tights" they're "stockings". and they perfectly match your thong.
have i taught you NOTHING over the years??
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:38,
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american tan 40 denier tightsand a shiny overall/tabard with sausage rolls in the pocket. WATCH AND LEARN!
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:39,
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fucken hell, every dinner lady fantasy i ever had just exploded in my britches(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:39, Reply)
oh, that's a sausage roll in your pocket?i thought you were just really pleased to see me.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:40,
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*pulls tights up cos they're wrinkly round the ankles*(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:41,
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Want a cuppa? The tea urn's full.Sorry for saying urn.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:51,
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i think it's changed from hare lip to cleft lip(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:26,
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I know someone who had one of themand she called it a hare lip.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:28,
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yeah but like the thing they have to say on bbc news(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:29,
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I'll note that down for use at my next Diversity training session(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:32,
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They do dancing training there?Don't tell Foxtrot.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:35,
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even worse than a hair lipat least you can have electrolysis for that
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:40,
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Looks like the king from strongbadobscureinternetcartoonlolz
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:33,
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Another day over without killing myself, or anyone elseI'd class that as a result.
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:19, Reply)
*rocks hand in that sideways "hmmm" fashion*(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:23,
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Nothing personal, but this board has been shit today from what I've seen, it needs some drama(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:26,
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Dead people Quentin, dead peopleA successful hairpot
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:32,
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dunno what this is, think i might go and bully a fag or a sex pest(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:36, Reply)
it is shit but work's dead quiet and I couldn't think of anywhere else to go(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:27,
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Mumsnet?I understand they're good for a laugh.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:28,
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No they are not. They are squaws that sit on their fat arses all day spending someone else's money on the internet and then complaining when that person comes home that they want a bigger house like they saw on escape to the country and that they've been really busy all day and now it's your turn to look after the baby and i'm going out to pour wine into my fat face with all the other baby factories and complain about how fat i am even though i eat chocolate cake all day.
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:38, Reply)
Going through some issues with the wife?(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:42,
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She gets the hump when he comes steaming drunk at 4am again, shouting at himself and PISSES THE BED AGAIN(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:46,
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The bed. I don't wash my cock obv.
She will end up wanting to go near it again so we can have another drain on resources.
Can't have that.
(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:54, Reply)
I suppose it helps that I don't really know who you are, and your board sig referencing doing something on this very day(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:28,
Reply)
Give us a question woman!Questions are what separates us from /talk and you've seen what those smelly bastards get up to.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:29,
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yesbuggers went down past my office at lunchtime. they cost me my soup. noisy bastards.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:37,
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Not that I've noticed.but then I've not been outside.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:38,
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Alright, here's a questionWhy are Fivestar so shit?
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:34,
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When's the funeral?I love a good funeral, I'll pop along if I'm free.
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:39,
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nah mum's not really dead i was lying on the internet for attentions(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:46, Reply)
Too right. always a shoulder to cry on, that's me.
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:42,
Reply)
Imma go with:because you broke the internet and Roota's a prude.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:41,
Reply)
I am only a prude when I have internet strangers grabbing my tits, trying to finger my arse and generally gumming at meBut other than that I'm, like, a total goer and that
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:43,
Reply)
Nah, he only sent me a Mary Whitehouse Experience dvd(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:45,
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You should UV that, he'll have written you a lurve poem in cum on it(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:48,
Reply)
It was a dvd of him dressed as Mary Whitehouse and telling people to stop shagging :((
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:48,
Reply)
I don't recall going for your assBut the beer googles were strong that night
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:45,
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Ah Billthe beer goggles were definitely strong through that period of time
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:47,
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Did he have a good sniff afters ?(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:49,
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This is important stuff for my matrix(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:49,
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Dirty cuntHe always seemed so bland and boring in his postings
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:50,
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I don't know The hypnotherapist told me he had to "remove" a lot of my memories
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:49,
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He says ah bisto afterwardsand then phones your mum and tells her
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:52,
Reply)
Haha, more like beer contact lesnes and superglue. AMMIRITE? AMMIRITE? Try the veal.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 18:06,
Reply)
I think Monty might have to pay a visit to Tesco...www.metro.co.uk/weird/883410-uks-hottest-cheese-revealed-the-scotch-bonnet-cheddar
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:32,
Reply)
oh hi agnostic antichrist, apologies for my post above it isn't personal i'm just bored and sorry(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:38, Reply)
oh right soz, when i posted it it was right next to your post but people started a convo in that thread now(, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 16:55, Reply)
Oh god, I'm in love with two of the nurses and the hospital and I'm in love with the girl who runs the corner shop across the road.All of them I can see myself settling down with, snugging up the couch, holding their hair back when they're feeling morning sickness and gobbling on my cock like fois gras.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 18:02,
Reply)
Haha, first you try and get me on the liquid-tar-crack-smackcain, and now you're trying to get me to work the streets ! It gave me a great mental image of a pimp though, goin....Try this smack, ho', it's good, makes you feel great.... are you sure? It's like getting a hug from a long lost loved one, like a teddybear is hugging your brain, and creates a bubble in which all pain and cold would go away. c'mon Ho', try this smack, it's good....... OK, ok, I see you don't want to try the smack, but would you still work the streets for me? AWWW MAN, C'MON, please, pretty please, just work those streets.... if you'd just try the smack I think I could convince you to work the streets for me. OK, ok, well, here's my number in case you change my mind.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 18:19,
Reply)
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