The Official Sportscow early morning thread
Morning all. In an effort not to watch more Thomas the Tank Engine I am asking just what you lot are actually doing for festivities? Is there a Christmas do? A night out with your team? Bukkake Friday?

We are off for a pizza at lunchtime, all paid for by work (up to £10 a head). Don't I feel appreciated and special (needs)?

Best Christmas day memory? Apart from seeing the kids going mental and far too excited it was watching my Dad get himself into such a giggling fit at a Simpsons episode that I had to turn off the TV to stop him from having an aneurism. My Dad does not DO laughing

Alt:
Is there a nicer day than payday?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 6:37, 195 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I've just woken up after falling asleep at my desk.
Works Christmas do is at some hotel in Beaconsfield. The wednesday evening before Christmas. I'll be going home after so no getting pished for me. Best Christmas day memory for me was waking up on a mate's sofa and being asked by his girlfriend what I thought of his present to her. It was frilly undies, and she was wearing them.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 7:22, Reply)

haha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:08, Reply)

Well, I'm moving out of home in about two, three weeks time, so I'll probably come back for christmas day and then have to go back to my place in Geelong.
Reason I'm moving?? One of the professors at my uni has said I can start as a trainee laboratory assistant in early January. EXCITING!!!
I get to work in the medical research labs and golly I'm all a flutter just thinking about it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 2 Dec 2011, 7:34, Reply)

You will have to change your name to Igor.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 7:38, Reply)

Already done by deed poll.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 2 Dec 2011, 7:41, Reply)

That would be great though.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 7:49, Reply)

what, changing my name to Igor or my job?

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 2 Dec 2011, 7:59, Reply)

Both.
"I'd like to introduce my new Lab assistant, Igor."

You could wear a false hunchback on your first day too.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:01, Reply)

I would love to...but the guy I'm working for doesn't really have that kind of humour.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:03, Reply)

Never mind, good luck with the job anyway.
Still get a hunchback though.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:24, Reply)

Congratulations!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:31, Reply)

Christmas
Is bent.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 7:50, Reply)

I agree Jeff, just a load of old pony from start to finish.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 7:51, Reply)

Christmas is FUN.
there's food, and people, and foood, and presents, and fooooood, and there's fights, and more food.
I like the food bit.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 2 Dec 2011, 7:58, Reply)

When you get to my age, food just leads to sleep.
When I was younger, the massive over indulgence was fun, now no longer so.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:02, Reply)

haha you make yourself sound really, really old.
I'm sure it's not that bad.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:05, Reply)

I am really really old, but it isn't that bad really.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:22, Reply)

Best Christmas day memory
One Christmas I bought my youngest daughter (now 24) a 'Teddy Ruxpin' - a teddy bear that would read to you from cassette tapes (remember them?) with its mouth and eyes moving. After dinner at my folks' place (with my brother & sister &their kids) when the munchkins were asleep we put a frank Sinatra cassette in.
My dad nearly was laughing so much he couldn't speak, my mum actually wet herself laughing and the rest of us were helpless rolling on the floor.

Come to think of it, that was the last time we all had Christmas dinner together.
alt: Can't think of one!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:17, Reply)

Are your parents a bit simple?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:30, Reply)

Not any more!
They're a bit dead.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:31, Reply)

Yeah look I'm sorry about that, Cap.
Won't happen again, I promise.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:58, Reply)

haha, orphine, gutted.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Worst Xmas day memory:
Belting down the stairs to the sitting-room and scouring the meagre pile of gifts thereunder.....to find a parcel with my name on it, which under no circumstances (other than if it had suffered an accident so severe as to render it wholly useless to me) contained an AT-AT Walker.

I have never, ever forgotten, mother, you rug-munching Noakes-alike BITCH.

Alt: payday has been and remains a fucking irrelevance to me for some years now. It hasn't signalled 'you now have some money of your own which you can spend' since my twenties. In other news I am in so much pain I could weep.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:20, Reply)

: (
Poor Monty.
( girlinthehole, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:24, Reply)

I haven't taken this many pills since Raindance, 1990.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:25, Reply)

He assuredly is.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:27, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:27, Reply)

that is really quite sad monty!!

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:24, Reply)

Sad is, as sad does.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:26, Reply)

I suppose life is like a box of chocolates too?
A really shit one.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:29, Reply)

It's more like a box of shits.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:30, Reply)

What's wrong with you?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:32, Reply)

He's got AIDS

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:38, Reply)

Throat problems. Bad throat problems.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:55, Reply)

something about sucking off tramps for change

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:01, Reply)

At last I was doing it for a change, rather than a vocation, like you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:06, Reply)

How long has it been hurting and does it hurt more on side?
Have your dreams been getting more vivid/have you been waking up in a cold sweat?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:44, Reply)

York is fucking freezing.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:26, Reply)

freezing shit
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:27, Reply)

I thought you like York?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:31, Reply)

I do indeed.
I'm merely being a cock. I thought you knew me, young master Plumlington.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:43, Reply)

king of the cocks and the cock of the walk.
And that's word. Are you still planning on visiting?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:45, Reply)

Dude I can't afford to visit my local pub, let alone yours...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:48, Reply)

aight bbz.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:49, Reply)

Christmas Do with work, 2 in fact
But I'm spending Christmas Day alone this year, I'm quite looking forward to that.

I don't really have a best memory, tbh.

Alt: Nope
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:30, Reply)

It was nowhere near as good as 'Christmas Do with work 1'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:44, Reply)

Christmas is pish
It's for children and stupid religious cunts, no one else need apply. If you love 'giving' then I suggest you use birthdays as a means to do so.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:43, Reply)

...or merely do so at random to enhance the unexpected thrill of gift receipt.
I have been training my daughter to pour scorn on pink plastic shit advertised on TV, which will be hilarious when she's given it all by her 'other' family at Shitmas.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:46, Reply)

BTW I had to turn off Sadowitz at the bit when he called Madeleine McCann a 'whore'.
Lusty = not amused
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:47, Reply)

She's gonna dump you and run away with Gonz.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:49, Reply)

lol - gonz running
*gets called a cunt*
( thealternativefact, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:52, Reply)

*also gets called a cunt*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:53, Reply)

If we get called cunts, I'm not sure we are in a position to argue.
I am content with this.
( thealternativefact, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:54, Reply)

It's not an area of concern for me either.
Not being called one would be infinitely worse.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:56, Reply)

You're not a cunt, I find you entertaining and jolly and an all round good chap, no more offensive than
a playful three day old bunny rabbit.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Harsh

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:32, Reply)

If that's the case I shouldn't have any trouble catching him up
/Gonzishorrendouslyunfitlolz
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:52, Reply)

I can't help having the runs and it causing great dump'age.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Commuter lolz
Sadowitz is a gift best enjoyed alone, with headphones on, in a locked room.

To be honest, it gets quite a bit more charged. Well worth a re-visit when the opportunity arises!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:55, Reply)

*holds out grubby cap, coughs*
I don't suppose you made it out picking did you?

*hopeful Tiny Tim face*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:59, Reply)

That sounds hi-larious

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:00, Reply)

Bonjour Monsieur le Kettle,
je suis Monsieur Le Pot. Tu est noir.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Bonjour Monsieur Le Pot. Tu est bent

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:11, Reply)

Touche awayyyyyy!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Haha, unhappy times, gutted.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Just thought
I'm doing my Christmas shopping next Friday, before going out on the sauce, I must book a hotel. As you were.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:50, Reply)

For Christmas, we are doing bowling.
Not, as Gonz keeps calling it, bowelling. (I can't tell if that's a gonzism or his own, sick fantasy.)
( thealternativefact, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:51, Reply)

It's a subject close to his, err, heart.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 8:53, Reply)

It's within a foot or two from hy heart, anyway.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:12, Reply)

I have answered all of these questions already
Instead I shall comment on what a beautiful day it is in our nations great capital today and also how bored I am of moaning union leaders on the TV/radio, I's have them all shot personally
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:00, Reply)

In front of their families?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Clarkson didn't consider how long it takes to find a date everyone can make.
Also, close family? Entire, extended family? People who aren't family who you called 'aunty' as a kid?
He just doesn't think things through.
( thealternativefact, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:02, Reply)

Anyone would think he was an epic spastic or something.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:05, Reply)

I'm glad my union voted not to strike.
'Aunty' Joni wouldn't have been able to cope.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:05, Reply)

I spoke to someone last night who joined UNISON only to have the day off.
What a tosser.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:16, Reply)

You're just jealous you didn't think of it in time.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:18, Reply)

We make the cards for several unions, therefore I hate them.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:33, Reply)

But he can have an UNPAID day off any time he likes, the tit.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:21, Reply)

hahaha, good point

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:22, Reply)

Absolutey, it's the only way they'll learn

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:11, Reply)

Isn't it a fucking goregous day though?
I desperately want to be outside right now. I did at least do the Tower Hill to Waterloo walk in it this morning though.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:18, Reply)

A bit crisp this morning
I have had to unleash the "big coat"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Pah, pussy!
(actually so did I, although once I got walking I ended up carrying it)
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:27, Reply)

The walk to the Metro is cold
The Metro journey is always roasting
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Ditto the thermal vest
countryside was pretty from the train though.
(berk, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:34, Reply)

Good morning you cum drenched fuck mittens.
My best Christmas Day memory won't translate to the written word, but my Dad trying to do the Charade for "Forrest Gump" reduced the rest of us to helpless crying loons as he sat there looking miserable in his paper hat waving his hands above his head. Apparently he was trying to be a tree blowing in the breeze.

Also, realising Nan hadn't actually died at the Christmas table, but had just stopped talking and gone a slightly funny colour after tasting Mum's turkey may not be the best memory, but it was certainly a relief.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:16, Reply)

There are two many questions, I don't like the holes in the top of my head, I need to buy a hat to cover them.
I'm looking forward to all sorts of exciting and wonderful things, tomorow I'm going to buy a headboard and bed and cutlery and plates and maybe some pots and pans and I might order a 'Boxee' thinggy and a hard drive to go with it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:17, Reply)

You are Al AICM tricological deformaties

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:21, Reply)

I have no idea what you mean.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Al is bald, you are going bald
Tricology is realting to the hair and scalp
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Oh no, it's worst than that, my hair is as luxorious as ever, it's just there are 3 holes in it with red centers.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Fag burns?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:30, Reply)

It is for the DEMONS to escape through

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:31, Reply)

I'm sure Apple must produce some kind of gadget
which you can fix to the holes in your head, that you could buy and which will become obsolete in a matter of hours?

Some sort of 'iHeadHoles plugin'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:23, Reply)

I've got one in Aquamarine

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:23, Reply)

The latest must-have gizmo is one of these....
jawbone.com/up

Just now a collegue just got back from the toilet, so I said to him "Wow, acordding to your Jawbone Up you've been for a jog but you've only gone to the toilet".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:26, Reply)

hahahah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Is this your satan headboard?

( thealternativefact, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:23, Reply)

That's the one, I found one for £30 from ARGOS that is almost identical to the £200 one I was gonna get only the argos one has the dimond-studs in it already so I don't need to do anything.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:24, Reply)

That's devilishly good value.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Apart from get a priest/rabbi round to exorcise it

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:27, Reply)

I'm not really into priest/rabbi fettishes, but if you know any girls who are up for a bit of exorcise on the bed, then I'm all up for that.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Is Nancy still in Ollyoaks?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:30, Reply)

I think so, she's hardly on though these days, she's married to Darren.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:32, Reply)

DARREN?? NANCY???
Darren from the Dog? She just wouldn't do that.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:34, Reply)

Yup ! I NO !
I can't remember the circamstances, it was a weird one, I think they were fake-dating to throw someone else off but then they started liking each other.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:37, Reply)

Those crazy kids

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Darren bought a water bed

(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:41, Reply)

I always knew he was a cunt

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Oh fuck off.
I bet she's all skinny and shit now anyway.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:43, Reply)

Yeah, skinny with nice tits and mouth that can go all night.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Sounds like Stacey Soloman,
Although I'd prefer her to shut the fuck up every now and again.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:47, Reply)

is she that grubby looking thing in the iceland (morrisons?) christmas adverts?
she needs a bath.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Her face is too big for her head

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:50, Reply)

I certainly think she'd be grubby, she's from Dagenham, after all.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:53, Reply)

My favorite christmas day was the last one I spent with Mum & Dad, in cyprus.
In the morning we drove down the beech and chilled out, had bacon, egg and chips with some friends in a hotel-resturant. We then drove back to the house went searching for wood for the fireplace and built the fire. We then watched the animated movie Bearwolf and Muppets Christmas Carol and I bought out a whole load of everyone's favorite sweets that I sneeked in (english sweets'n'chocolates are hard to come by there, but I ordered some online, everyone's faves). We then went to one of my fave resturants and had a geogous meal with more friends, and then we went to a beech-bar and drank mulled wine all night. THEN, the next day, we went back to the resturant with friends for breakfast and they had loads of leftovers and dad had a huge plate of seafood leftovers including smoked salmon and lobster (rare things to get out there).
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:44, Reply)

I just love that mediterranean food
Mmmm, bacon egg and chips.


Just to clarify, I'm not mocking your family memories here, merely 'Brits-abroad dining decisions)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Yeah', I know what you mean, but we were there for 6 weeks at that point, we wasn't there on a once-a-year 2-week holiday.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Fair dues Niggah
You know we tight, aight?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Hoes before bros *fist pumps*

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

I mean, the other way 'round.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Christmas do with work is a week today
I have a nice dress to wear and my boss isn't going so I can make a fool of myself on free wine.
Actual Christmas will be spent with my parents before schlepping up and down the country for the following week to see relatives.

Best Christmas day memory is probably being given a saxophone by my parents. I'd been lusting after one for about 18 months and knew there was no way they could afford one, never expected to get one, and as I was unwrapping my other presents my dad swung the case on to my lap. I've never been so surprised in all my life.
(berk, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:33, Reply)

that's a lovely christmas memory!

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:43, Reply)

3.bp.blogspot.com/-OJxkY7WXVAA/TXWkwM9zDkI/AAAAAAAAAyo/NMaCx79webM/s320/Lost%252BBoys%252Bsax%252Battack.png
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:43, Reply)

Most outrageous use of a saxophone in a cheesy 80s "horror" film EVAH

(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:44, Reply)

I don't know if M is going to pull through his latest rat poison OD.
Can anyone give me some tips on starting a solo career?
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Yeah, start it on your own, it's really hard to have a solo career with friends

(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Who will do the music and lyrics and stuff though?

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Get Cathy Dennis to do it
she's got lots of experience in that kind of thing.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:51, Reply)

I swear that's her doing the "ooh oooh ooooooooh"s in the background in I Kissed a Girl.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:52, Reply)

She wrote the song, so it's not that unlikely

(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:57, Reply)

I know but it's just that it's not mentioned.
I bet they kept it from a demo, the cheapskates.
Just like in All the Things She Said, they keep the original Russian backing vocals. You can hear them saying "ya soshla s uma... maaa"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:59, Reply)

i don't know why this has put that numa numa song in my head
but it has and now you must die.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Try this one instead
"I said What What, in the butt? I said What What, In the butt?"
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

i first saw that on south park
looked it up on youtube. wished i hadn't.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:11, Reply)

fuck all that stuff, just dress up like a schoolgirl
worked for britney
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Britney?
Shitney more like!
HAHAHA! I crack myself up. No really. HAR HAR HAR HAR.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:58, Reply)

the door's that way
don't let it kick you in the arse on the way out, mm-kay?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:59, Reply)

you tell im rachelswipe!
and then when your finished telling EVERYONE WHAT TIO DO you can go back to your bedsit for a cry
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:01, Reply)

i'm not you
mr 3000 posts a day
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:02, Reply)

2800 in just over 2.5 months actally

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:03, Reply)

you say that like it's a good thing
it's really not

anyway you left out your other stats. adding talk and board etc makes a grand total of..... 4,402 posts. in less than 3 months.

fucking hell that's lame, man. turn off the computer and get some fresh air ffs.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:05, Reply)

the more i post the more you love me
admit it
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

It's certainly true for me
ever since your dinosaur flid arms comment
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:08, Reply)

someone on the talk showed me how to look up my Best comments and that was third

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:10, Reply)

even a blind squirrel
will find the occasional nut
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:11, Reply)

that would be the best relationship advice i could give to you too

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:12, Reply)

hahaha, like anyone would take any sort of advice
from someone who lives on here!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:19, Reply)

my relationships hit the rocks rachelswipe, we've been having problems and yesterday i just said should we downgrade to fuckbuddies
and she was like yes
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:21, Reply)

TRANSLATION:
my subscription to "sluts masturbate on cam 4 u" has expired and i can't afford to renew it because i am pissing around on here all day, so now i have to watch free videos of her that i find on pirate bay.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:25, Reply)

your proper mean

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Silly swipe doesn't understand how porn on the internet works.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:27, Reply)

maybe not
but i know it's as close as this clown gets to raising his big top!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:28, Reply)

i think you've misunderstood the nature of the internet, i don't behave like a cock offline
but if this is how your REALLY like, i'm beginning to see why your fat mental and alone
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:35, Reply)

0/3
but keep trying. one day you might hit a nerve.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:41, Reply)

no need, i don't like to pick on people while they're down
nothing worse than spending christmas alone without that special someone
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:41, Reply)

i've spent christmas with family
boyfriends and friends over the years. they've all been great. but you say "spending it alone" like it's a bad thing. if it ever happens to me, which seems hugely unlikely, i'd fuck off somewhere amazing and i'd love it. being alone doesn't frighten me even a tiny bit. i like it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:49, Reply)

aw, :(

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:59, Reply)

I didn't even see it.
What was it?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:13, Reply)

See below

(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:16, Reply)

It's fourth now.
b3ta.com/search/posts/90618/best

But I like your first post, and it's even funnier when you see teh context.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:15, Reply)

woohoo! yay me!
whats yours?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:16, Reply)

just looked, yours are all really long winded and i don't have the attention sopan, soz

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:17, Reply)

That's alright, I think page 2 is probably better than page 1. Here are my personal favourites:
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1290257#post1290299
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1091513#post1091523
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1049393#post1049414
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1131950#post1131954
b3ta.com/questions/trolls/post1209385#post1209431
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1204354#post1204358
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post623692#post623705
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post677100#post677106
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:24, Reply)

i don't understand

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:28, Reply)

That second one is a personal favourite

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:41, Reply)

barbados for christmas
but it's still weeks away, why is everyone so keen to rush? you're a long time dead...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:47, Reply)

*refuses to take the bait*

(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:51, Reply)

holy shit.
our al is finally growing up!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:56, Reply)

up out
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:44, Reply)

petanque!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:53, Reply)

I like playing petanque.
I also like watch dour old french men with a roll up hanging out of the side of their mouth under their moustache playing pentaque. They never really look like they're enjoying it, it's just something they are obliged to do.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:54, Reply)

whats the best time to eat a banananan? green yellow or brown?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Yellow green.
I hate overipe bananas.
( girlinthehole, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

urgh i knew you'd come up with the wrong answer

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:05, Reply)

I knew you'd ask the wrong question.

( girlinthehole, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:15, Reply)

i knew you knew i knew you'd know

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:18, Reply)

I bet you didn't.

( girlinthehole, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:19, Reply)

its true :(

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Testing

(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Fuck me, I've made over 30,000 posts on QOTW and /OT

(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Only 19443 for me! :D

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:12, Reply)

18,879 in almost 8 years
i feel a bit less bad about the wasted time now i see that other people are so much worse.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Eek!
15,000 posts, most of which are in the last two or so years
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:51, Reply)

ADDICT

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Hammer time
best time to do anything.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:16, Reply)

i think you failed to understand the question
nice try tho, well done bonzodog29
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Morning all, nice day for it.
Our team are going to an Italian place in Wapping on the 20th. The food is good and the wine is reasonable so two thumbs up there.

Best Christmas memory was waking up to a shiny Team Murray BMX right there next to the bed.

And I always look forward to Dr Who.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:22, Reply)

And a cup of tea?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Tea is for mugs.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I like this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:51, Reply)

All of my recent christmasses have been spent getting horrifically drunk with my mum
Which is always fun.

Earlier today someone asked me what I was doing for New Year. I hate New Year. I may stay at home and go up Burton Dassett and watch all the fireworks by myself. I haven't thought how I'm going to get there as I don't have a car but these are minor details.

Also I'm tired but going to a gig somewhere to see some band later. Which should be nice
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Your Mum sounds fun.
How old is she?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:33, Reply)

She's happily married thankyouverymuch
And 57
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Shame.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:34, Reply)