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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Have you ever been on the telly?
I just found out that my best mate was on the Big Breakfast dressed as a giant Christmas Pudding during a game of "Egg on Your Face". I think I am losing all respect for him.

My thumbs were once on TV for about ten seconds. When were you on the box?
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:14, 214 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
I mentioned it a couple of weeks ago,
but I was shit on Countdown last year.

Apart from that I am regularly on 'The Football League Show' seen jumping up and down like an idiot behind the goal when Southend score.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:16, Reply)
So, you jump up and down quite rarely, then?

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:24, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1467643

Cheeky bastards, the pair o' yers.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:32, Reply)
*Looks Innocent*

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:36, Reply)
Have you got a teeny tiny bobble hat on?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:39, Reply)
I was in the audience for that once
and apparently my gormless face was shown for one of the audience reaction shots. I missed that episode though.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:24, Reply)
^ This is a fucking cool story
Internet gold.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:24, Reply)
Not that regularly, then...

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:24, Reply)
This season
surprisingly regularly.

But yeah, it's only this year when we've been doing well I've noticed it, it was rare in the past.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:31, Reply)
Is it better to be behind your home team's goal or the enemy's goal? I would have thought the enemy's goal so you can see when you score.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:32, Reply)
Ha-ha - the enemy.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:33, Reply)
They change ends at half time, dear.
They don't make the fans do the same, you see.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:36, Reply)
shoulda done that in WWII

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:40, Reply)
never ever
but my dad and brother keep getting interviewed outside old trafford after various matches. they've been on sky, bbc and itv!

bastards.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:20, Reply)
What do they answer to the question of "why are you a football watching pleb?"

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:21, Reply)
they've never actually been asked that one
but i suspect the answer would be, fuck off, what kind of a man doesn't watch football?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:25, Reply)
An intelligent one?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:25, Reply)
One that does not enjoy the company of fat, rascist, commoners
shouting at 11 ponces falling over for 90 minutes in some desperate attempt to fill an aching void in their miserable lives.

I fill my aching void with gin
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:28, Reply)
A Man United fan.
Or City, take your pick really
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:28, Reply)
Quite right, love.
Ignore the wankers.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:43, Reply)
I have not been on TV
I refused to be filmed in the backround of living with/my life as/moving on with/Jordan when she got the same flight to me as Ibiza.

She was hideous and rude and common.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:20, Reply)
You do surprise me.
All this time I thought she'd be down-to-earth and normal.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:22, Reply)
I just thought I'd reiterate the point
they cleared the steps and front of the plane so she could make her filmed exit whilst we all waited, I pushed through a walked the fuck down, in your face Jordan
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:25, Reply)
*High fives*

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:28, Reply)
my sister was on tv once, i'm too shy tho

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:21, Reply)
Was it Jeremy Kyle?
"My nonce brother shagged me and now I'm pregnant with his bastard offspring"
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:23, Reply)
hahaahahahahahahaha
and.... ha.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:24, Reply)
no she was on a christmas episode of why don't you

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:27, Reply)
My workplace and several of my colleagues were in a science programme a few months ago.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:21, Reply)
I was in a crowd shot on TV, once.
Aside from that, the only claim I have is that I'm clearly audible on a DVD.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:22, Reply)

in
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:23, Reply)
I was a crowd shot?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:24, Reply)
I'm calling you fat

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:25, Reply)
For some reason, I'm not too chubby at the moment, in comparison to how I thought I'd be after the amount of rubbish I've been eating recently.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:27, Reply)
You're going into the Christmas season bearing multiple chins AA, it could get messy

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:30, Reply)
Had them for about 4 years now Rory, although currently they're not as bad as they once were

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:33, Reply)
STOPTHEINTERNETSTRIKETHROUGHGOLD!!!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:25, Reply)
*pulls emergency lever*

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:26, Reply)

STOPTHEINTERNETSTRIKETHROUGHGOLD!!!!!!!

See? I made you say 'SHIT'. That's real internet comedy, right there!
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:27, Reply)
comedy is a stranger to these shores

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:30, Reply)
I've remebered another memorable appearance:
If you watch a re-run of Vanessa, circa 1996 you'll see, right up the back, the corner of a head that has been bleached blonde. That's me.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:25, Reply)
OMG!! THAT WAS YOU????

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:26, Reply)
Bask in my reflected glory, normal person.

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:27, Reply)
I shall stop telling my 'I'm good friends with Steve Buscemi's nephew' boast and use this instead.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:27, Reply)
You should do.
I got told off by Vanessa off the TV for laughing at one of her guests. She was a right old fat cow. Actually, so was Vanessa.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:28, Reply)
I was told off by Bob holness once for taking the last mince pie

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:30, Reply)
I got told off by Johnny Ball.
My teachers hugely underestimated the age group for his show "Think of a Number" and took 30 fifteen-year-old-boys to see it. Ryan Pettit shouted out "FUCK" and it offended Johnny Ball. He pointed at me and called me a disruptive influence.

I showed him alright. I mumbled 'sorry' and shut up for the rest of the night.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:32, Reply)
The crowd shot I was in was on North West Tonight, to celebrate a subway near my being painted nicely.
That's just how rock and roll Skem is.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:28, Reply)
Were the sarnies any good?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:32, Reply)
Not even that kind of Subway, I don't think that's reached Skem yet
EDIT: Wait, turns out it has.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:34, Reply)
I was on some Sky One shit
Where someone kidded their family they had won the lottery.

I was a mate of the fake winner.

The twat.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:29, Reply)
I was also in the mcain chip ad.
I got to sing the line "fried onion rings".
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:31, Reply)
You'll have to wait and see

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:33, Reply)
I was really hacked off
As I had hoped it was chips.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:35, Reply)
Quite a few times, it's never ended well for me.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:29, Reply)
That Crimewatch is a bitch, eh?

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:33, Reply)
I dunno - Gonz gets easy money for playing the dead-for-three-weeks corpses.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:34, Reply)
hahaha
The smell is his piece de resistance
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:35, Reply)
"the perpetrator was thought to reside in the Beverly Hills of North London"
"and is often seen around Chinese takeaways"
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:35, Reply)
I was in the backround of the auction on bargin hunt
bumping up the price of some goods for my mates Uncle, I ended up buying the piece of shit with his uncles money...
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:32, Reply)
Is it more valuable now it is white?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:33, Reply)
eh?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:34, Reply)
Bought a piece of shit. As an antique.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:35, Reply)
Not that I've noticed.
I've managed to avoid most interviews so far by letting someone else do them. I've no desire to be on telly.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:33, Reply)
Really wild show when I was at school

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:36, Reply)
I went out with Chris Packham's cousin as a teenager
I was sick all over my house and she helped clear it up.

The end.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:40, Reply)
Did she have an undercut and a lisp?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:41, Reply)
It's like we're brothers

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:42, Reply)
I have been on the Radio
A few times for work related things, I know its not telly but lets be honest here the radio is a superior medium
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:36, Reply)
It ain't no Mystic Meg!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:37, Reply)
True that.
For a short while I read the weather on Ten Seventeen FM, which I think is now World Renowned Radio Harlow.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:43, Reply)
I was on the Radio once if that counts
Well, a picture I did of a Brontosaurus was. It was on Listen With Mother, they said it looked very fierce. I was also in the paper once staring at a sound card.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:37, Reply)
Was the Brontosaurus growling at some VEGETATION?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:38, Reply)
I didn't draw it fierce.
In fact I remember being quite annoyed that they didn't 'get' my artistic intent.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:46, Reply)
Pictures on the radio, staring at sound cards.
It feels like the twilight zone.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:39, Reply)
Actually, more frowning than staring.
As if to say "what devilry is this?", I had a white coat on too.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:47, Reply)
I am loving the idea of having a picture on the radio.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:01, Reply)
Idiot
There is no such thing as a brontosaurus.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:48, Reply)
I was on Irish TV DJing for 80s-style 'electro' 'act' 'Majick 12' at the Guinness Jazz Festival once.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:39, Reply)
To be sure?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:40, Reply)
So it is, nye.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:40, Reply)
Was it in MACKEDONIA?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:41, Reply)
It was, so it was.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:45, Reply)
Cork Opera House, it was.
We* nicked Grooverider's weed whilst he was playing.

*Me and The Herbaliser chaps. Grooverider is a massive cunt, and wore a leather Matrix-style coat even though it was boiling hot.

I have posted this 824 times now.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:42, Reply)
Did you then plant some on him when he went to Dubai?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:44, Reply)
I wish.
I lolled heartily when he was sent down.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:50, Reply)
I only found out he even existed today, never heard of him before.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:52, Reply)
He was actually a brilliant DJ on the original rave scene.
Later on he went into jungle then drum'n'bass. In the hardcore days he was in the top ten names to see out, with his DJ cohort Fabio.

If they were on the flier it was good news.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:02, Reply)
Ahh, fair enough!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:08, Reply)
It's always worth mentioning.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:44, Reply)
Anyone who refers to themselves as "Grooverider" is legally bound to be a massive cunt.
I bet his real name is Cedric Normal or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:44, Reply)
Actually it's 'Herbert Cockrider'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:46, Reply)
"Raymond Bingham"
HAHAHAHAHA
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:46, Reply)
Really?
Hardcore rave legend 'Jumping Jack Frost' once left death threats on my mate Hamish's answerphone over some unapproved photos he had published.

His real name is Nigel.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:48, Reply)
According to wikipedia, that's his name.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:52, Reply)
I have so much respect for you as a font of musical knowledge

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:40, Reply)
Here, you dropped this: (!)

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:46, Reply)
I was interviewed by Richard Blackwood getting off Nemisis in Alton Towers when it first opened.
When I get married I bet Hello want the photos
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:43, Reply)
Why is Richard Blackwood?

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:43, Reply)
Does Claire Goose?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:44, Reply)
I hope so.

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:44, Reply)
Did you ask him for a walk-on part in the British 'Fresh Prince' series?
You fucking should have.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:47, Reply)
I asked him to welcome me to earth.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:49, Reply)
A couple of months ago I was on Geordie Shore.
They were filming in a club and I walked in shot with a huge grin whilst waving. I lasted about half a second before a doorman grabbed me by the neck and threw me out.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:44, Reply)
he did you a favour

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:45, Reply)
I've just seen a photo of little mix.
They aint no Saturdays that's for sure.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:46, Reply)
Bit "thick legged" for my liking.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:48, Reply)
and yet
they always speak so highly of you
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:48, Reply)
He was talking about Chompy

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:49, Reply)
oh
well in that case, strike out the "legged" and carry on.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:50, Reply)
No.
I have had to take part in a live radio interview for a previous job though. I was supposed to be given time to be able to transfer the call through to a private office so as to minimise the noise levels, but when it came through I went straight on air instead.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:47, Reply)
I think I've told this before
But at the second V festival, I was off my face as Blur finished their headline set and some woman from Radio 1 shoved a mic in my face and asked what I thought.

'Not as good as Pulp last year', I slurred. She asked me why so I said 'Pulp had fireworks'.

'Like those ones?' she said.

I don't think they ever aired it.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:54, Reply)
pearoast but my friend was on "wackaday" once
timmy mallett bollocked her in the break for getting everything right and hissed that she had to give the other children a chance.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:48, Reply)
Euphemism of the year:
'bollocked her in the break'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:49, Reply)
Pfft.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:49, Reply)
i wish this hadn't made me smile
i feel childish AND dirty now.

and not in a good way.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:58, Reply)
I have always wondered what proportion of lolwaki TV presenters were irritable bastards off-camera
Mallett has long been a prime suspect in this respect.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:54, Reply)
i used to hate hate hate that sort of shit
the only thing i liked was hartbeat. and that purely because of morph.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:55, Reply)
Oh, now Tony Hart always seemed like such a nice feller.
I just once made the mistake of speculating on what he actually thought of kids' paintings off-camera. Now my imagination sees him backstage, talking in his gentle, mannered tones to the producers,
"Just look at this shit. It's not even fit to decorate a concentration camp. I'm definitely wiping my arse on...this one, this one...and that one, once we're done filming."

(Well, they did always say they couldn't return submissions - ever wonder what happened to them?)
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:58, Reply)
He was a massive nonce.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:03, Reply)
I have zero anecdotes or evidence of this.
I just 'reckon'.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:04, Reply)
he did potato prints of my willy

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:07, Reply)
If anyone was a nonce it was that creepy 'Mr Bennett' bloke.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:08, Reply)
They were in cahoots.
That's my theory.

Bennett drive the van, Hart lured 'em in.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:11, Reply)
have you ever seen that email that did the rounds a few years ago
with comments on kindergarten drawings? hilarious. i just remember the fire engine one, and the writer had put:

if it's a fire engine, why is it HAIRY? fuck off, i'd rather burn to death than be saved by that hairy piece of shit.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:08, Reply)
Yes, wasn't it called "I am better than your kids" or something?

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:20, Reply)
It's in book form now too...
The original post:
www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=irule

I used to love that site when I was an angry young nerd; back when Maddox updated more than once or twice a month. Now B3ta fills that void in my life.
(The Bloody Awful Warsaw Concerto, Tue 13 Dec 2011, 5:30, Reply)
My ex-housemate Scott's dad was a cameraman in the 80s.
According to him John Craven absolutely hates kids.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:58, Reply)
Timmy Mallett is an annoying cunt
and still dresses like a day tripper on the Sunshine Bus. He was on some programme a few months ago still sporting the 'wacky' glasses and the colourful, childish clothes. For fuck's sake man, get a bloody grip, it's not 1987 anymore.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:58, Reply)
somewhere in the world, its always 1987

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:00, Reply)
Yeah, Glasgow.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:00, Reply)
LOOOOOOOOL

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:01, Reply)
A mate of mine
told a story of one of his friends trying to find a brand of carpet cleaner called LOOL and failing in every shop he went into.

Turns out he was looking for 1001 and had read the label upside down.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:05, Reply)
all your friends are retards?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:06, Reply)
They are Northerns

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:06, Reply)
that explains it then, we're far more civilised down southa nd at least we can read

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:08, Reply)
Say the prince and king of comedy spelling...

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:09, Reply)
+s

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:10, Reply)
No, I believe I was right first time
as I was referring to both you and Nakers. They say; he says. See?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:13, Reply)
+m

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:14, Reply)
Pay attention.
It wasn't my friend, it was a friend of a friend. You window licking monger.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:07, Reply)
your friend is a mong for having a mong friend, which it turn makes you a mong by proxy
unemployed mongo
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:08, Reply)
he's just jealous that you HAVE friends, darling

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:09, Reply)
I wish i had a rel friend, malcolm is nice to me all the time, but i think we're just martes

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:09, Reply)
And that place is Dortmund.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:03, Reply)
i've been there, its nice

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:06, Reply)
Are Personality Horse playing there?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:07, Reply)
Their tour takes in most mid-sized German industrial towns.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:21, Reply)
An Electro head funk gig

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:05, Reply)
Shit - isn't it?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:03, Reply)
*looks down at Sisters of Mercy t-shirt*
Erm...
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:06, Reply)
It's news to me too, old boy.
I genuinely regard everything after about 1995 as 'new'.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:09, Reply)
I hear you still refer to it as just 'York'.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:10, Reply)
that would make sense if there weren't two of them

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:10, Reply)
If it was simple enough for you to understand, I think I'm OK.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:11, Reply)
but there are two of them and thats why ones called New
York was still always york all along, you can't have York and york, its york and new york

just like Orleans
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:12, Reply)
are you a catholic?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:09, Reply)
No, but my ex wife was.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:13, Reply)
was she a nun?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:15, Reply)
Always good for shame filled sex.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:15, Reply)
That sounds like a signature in the making.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:15, Reply)
Thanks.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:24, Reply)
You know how the camera pans out from behind the audience at the end of Have I Got News For You?
Several members of my friends and family report having spotted the back of my head in an episode filmed about seven years ago.

I can, however, also lay claim to having appeared on BBC Radio...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:50, Reply)
were you sucking off Ian Hislop?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:05, Reply)
You didn't appear on the radio.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:06, Reply)
Didn't I?
Oh...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:09, Reply)
Appear?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:10, Reply)
He did you know.
Right on top of it. Like an even-benter Mr Claypole.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:15, Reply)
Erm...manifest myself?
I don't actually know what the correct term is for having sound produced by oneself transmitted over the wireless...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:16, Reply)
they're all pricks, you can say 'appear on the radio', it doesn't mean you materialised on the radio

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:17, Reply)
Please materialise on the M4 in dark, unreflective clothing.
Thanks Bert.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:20, Reply)
wouldn't that be dangerous? and why are you calling me bert?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:20, Reply)
We both know why, Robert.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:22, Reply)
is it cos your boyfriend is called robert and your projecting?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:23, Reply)
No, Robert, it's not.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:34, Reply)
Feature?
No, that's no better.

Appear is fine. Apologies.

Carry on.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:19, Reply)
yeah, fucken pricks

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:20, Reply)
Thanks Q.
Means all the more coming from an utter waste of blood and organs like you.

Keep up the good work.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:23, Reply)
thats so out of order, i'll never know why people here are so mean

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:24, Reply)
You just bring out the loathing in people.
It's quite a skill you have.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:27, Reply)
i feel almost proud, i love you all xxxx

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:28, Reply)
hahahahahahaha
www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/film-news/8950909/Hulk-Hogan-Claims-Im-gay-are-insane.html
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:11, Reply)
oh as if a real queer would have been seen dead in THAT vest, dahhling

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:13, Reply)
In no way does he look like a poof.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:14, Reply)
he was bumming "brutus beefcake" hahahaha
"I'm going to piledrive you in the ring!"
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:15, Reply)
I was (voice only) on a game of Bigger Break on the Bigger Breakfast
And was also on a phone-in comp talking to Sacha Baron Cohen on his very old Granada Talk TV show.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:39, Reply)
evening all.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:45, Reply)
Jeff

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:45, Reply)
Alright lar?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:48, Reply)
Yeah.You?
Laters kidda.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 18:02, Reply)
*nods*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:46, Reply)
*Rings, Rangs, Dong

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:55, Reply)
*holidays*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 18:01, Reply)
Alright, dude?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:47, Reply)
I'm good mate.
Although I was shaking like a shitting dog on Saturday.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:50, Reply)
But new week......

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:57, Reply)
More of the same I'm guessing.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 18:00, Reply)
Co. Bash on weds and something else on Friday. Lots of work in-between.
Early night last night?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 18:03, Reply)
No
It was the old dears birthday, so another sesh. It'll be an early one this evening
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 18:11, Reply)
I like your style.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 18:14, Reply)
I'm going round Yeti's for dinner.
I am afeared.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:54, Reply)
Oh dear. Best caning trousers on then?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:58, Reply)
Indeed.
Another classic 'silent session' is in the offing.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:59, Reply)
We don't want to hear about your love play!
I am out in your neck of the woods on Friday, if you fancy a pint?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 18:05, Reply)
fuck off bender

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:48, Reply)
To be fair, it's what we're all thinking.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:49, Reply)
I like to translate other users feelings into succint posts.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:50, Reply)
You've got the hump
Because the old bill kicked in your neighbours back doors and left you alone.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:53, Reply)
hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:53, Reply)
You can read me like a book.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 17:58, Reply)
Yeah
And James Hutchings is the author.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 18:07, Reply)
I was interviewd on Five News a few years ago
and looked like a complete mong.

There is a chance I may be on TV again in the next week or two, and I fully expect to look like a mong then, too.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 18:08, Reply)
Are they doing
A 'We are the champions - Special' for Christmas?

AWAY YOU GO!
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 18:14, Reply)
I'm not telling anybody until I've vetted it for spackiness.
Evening drive. How be's?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 18:15, Reply)

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