Hello my little nizzle wizzles.
In about 40 minutes I'm going home to roast a chicken. My current plan is to stick an onion and maybe a couple of garlic cloves up it's arse while it's roasting.

What would you do to make a roast chicken more delicious?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:20, 88 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

get someone else to make it

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:20, Reply)

Are you a terrible kitchen spaz?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:21, Reply)

When are you buying your house?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:21, Reply)

when they give me a completion date
any day now (I suspect now after christmas)
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:22, Reply)

yes

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:22, Reply)

i'd make it a duck

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:21, Reply)

Lemon, five spice and honey duck
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:23, Reply)

Lemon, thyme and butter up the poop chute
Baste often and chow down with roasties and a lemony gravy for chickeny win
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:22, Reply)

I don't have a lemon.
Would a picture of a lemon on greaseproof paper work?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:23, Reply)

Possibly
Or some Jif
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:24, Reply)

You could go Christmassy and use a tangerine?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:24, Reply)

Or lemon-scented Jif
I refuse to call if Cif. *unwraps a Marathon*

*edit* Oh, fuck you sportscow.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:24, Reply)

bwahahaa!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:26, Reply)

That's twice that's happened today
*huffs*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:27, Reply)

Too slow

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:27, Reply)

Evidently

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:27, Reply)

I've done that
It's a bit uncomfortable though. What do I do to the chicken?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:36, Reply)

Push lemon thyme infused butter under it's skin
slice the legs so they cook at the same time as the breast
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:24, Reply)

I'd feel guilty cutting it's legs
I need to at least give it the chance of escape.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:25, Reply)

Ok, after 45mins ish of cooking take it out an dplace it on top carrots halved lengthways, halved oinions, celery, thyme and garlic
this will help give you amazing gravy.

Also when it's cooked cover in tin foil and leave to rest on a warm plate for 15 mins, use the juices that flow out as part of your gravy
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:27, Reply)

Mash it all up with flour and some wine

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:28, Reply)

Too much
I prefer my gravy slightly less OTT.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:28, Reply)

MOAR GRAVY!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:29, Reply)

best thing about christmas is gravy
Perhaps I could incorporate gravy in my day to day diet. Pasta and gravy. Yum?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:30, Reply)

I fukcing love gravy
The day after we have a roast, I frequently come home and eat the cold gravy from the fridge with a spoon.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:31, Reply)

there is never any left at my parents' house
plus, I would warm it up
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:32, Reply)

Stick bacon and black pepper on it

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:24, Reply)

remove bacon half way through, for crsipy skin

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:25, Reply)

Nom the bacon or chuck it back in for awesome gravy

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:26, Reply)

Mmmmmm, black pepper.
That makes me think of Louise Pepper who reads the travel news on BBC London and she's quite nice looking. Apart from the lopsided face.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:26, Reply)

She is on five live too, I think

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:27, Reply)

She has a fucking awful website.
www.loupepper.com/
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:30, Reply)

Next you'll know her address
and from there it's one short skip to a restraining order
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:48, Reply)

I'm hungry now

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:27, Reply)

I'm fucking starving
Sausages and mash for me this evening :)
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:30, Reply)

Ah, this evening for me
is a weird traditional evening of nibbles and slight awkwardness.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:31, Reply)

Got visitors?
Or is this normal?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:32, Reply)

no
it's an annual gathering of my friends round someone's house. I never go to this guy's house the rest of the year and he always gets too much food. Somehow, despite it being people I've known for ages, it's always a bit odd. We know it as 'nibblefest'
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:34, Reply)

That sounds quite fun
The only problem I have with nibble-based meals is that I forget to eat and pile in the wine.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:37, Reply)

i gotta drive :(

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:40, Reply)

So, you live in the backwoods
you won't get caught or hit anyone important.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:42, Reply)

nah - there just are no buses, it's a bit far to walk
and I can't be arsed with taxis
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:43, Reply)

That's why it's awkward
Sober people are shit.
(TheColonel, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:44, Reply)

*looks around for Scarpe*

( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:09, Reply)

How come you're moving to London?
Or just north of london anyway.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:32, Reply)

Miss B got her first social work job starting in April in Hertfordshire
Based either in Hemel or Hertford. So the job junting starts in earnest for me in the New Year. Whole new beginnings!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:34, Reply)

Wahey!
Hemel is full of fucking slags.

Mrs al was born in Hemel. True Story.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:35, Reply)

Nice place I thought
Boxmoor was really nice but maybe a bit out of our price range.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:36, Reply)

I'm going to get drunk tonight.
I fucking hate my job and it's as busy as fuck at the moment and all our users are cunts.

Thanks.

Note: Venom and bile won't make your chicken taste better.
( Kroney, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:32, Reply)

HAPPY HANNUKAH

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:32, Reply)

Quentin? Quentin!
Oh Jesus Christ. Quentin!
( Kroney, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:34, Reply)

A halved lemon up its arse instead of the onion.
A halved bulb of garlic up its arse instead of a couple of cloves.

My old boss used to open a can of good cider, stick it up its arse and stand it up on a big old barbecue, closing the lid. Best chicken I've ever tasted.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:32, Reply)

I'm cooking this in my oven though
so I don't want a foaming can of cider spilling everywhere. Please just try and use your brain occasionally Noel.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:34, Reply)

Oh ffs it's like nobody anywhere appreciates me ever in the history of anything.
*starts drinking again*
*listens to Paramore*
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:46, Reply)

*Forcibly ejects Noel from his living room*

(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:47, Reply)

I hope you kept his new hat

( Kroney, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:48, Reply)

Haha you cunt.
/ac
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:49, Reply)

News just in
www.swansea.gov.uk/index.cfm?articleid=47282
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:36, Reply)

HAHAHA
Your welsh moonshiners can't even distill their shit enough to get the alcohol content up.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:39, Reply)

yeah, but they have found a great
supply of chloroform
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:40, Reply)

*lowers newspaper*

(PsychoChomp, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:43, Reply)

You wouldn't even have to spike thier drinks Chompy
just get them a triple.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:44, Reply)

To be honest it's not worth a trip to Swansea.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:48, Reply)

nothing is

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:52, Reply)

I have to agree with Cavy,
spent way too much time this last few weeks helping in the kitchen at work for christmas parties, so some other cunt can cook.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:43, Reply)

Mmmmm, pork.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:49, Reply)

NO!

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:01, Reply)

*ears flop down*

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:06, Reply)

Just go massive with garlic and anything else with huge flavour.
Capers, chick, garlic bacon, fennel seeds, coriander seeds, chopped onion.

Fry the lot in a pan in a glass of white wine turning the chicken, take about 15/20 mins and then roast in same pan for an hour and ten. Baste regularly.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:51, Reply)

Who's modding /talk these days?

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 16:59, Reply)

Manolith.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:00, Reply)

Mr Manolith,
why?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:00, Reply)

Wanna see if I can get my old account back.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:01, Reply)

Oh lol he's got my name in the middle of his.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:01, Reply)

Those pictures I gazed you are PRIVATE!

(PsychoChomp, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:02, Reply)

Nothing is private on the internet.

( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:08, Reply)

I'm a bit shit at cookign and I'm mostly veggie anyway.
But I hope it works out for you anyway.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:01, Reply)

Your scrambled eggs are sublime my dear.

( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:10, Reply)

It's just the way I walk.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:10, Reply)

Chicken is ok but it's just another source of protein for me.

( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:09, Reply)

The other being...?
/loaded question.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:15, Reply)

beef curtains

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:15, Reply)

Class Caves, class.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:23, Reply)

Cheese you little minx.

( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:19, Reply)

To answer the question
Rub butter over the body. Stuff the cavity with some herbs, maybe sage or some thyme. Put about a quarter to half a bottle of white wine in the roasting tin, along with some gloves of garlic (skin on)before roasting. The chicken will be lovely and moist with a hint of a garlicy taste, then the wine and chicken juices can be made into a lovely gravy. Eat the garlic.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:26, Reply)

I got as far as rub butter over the body and stuff the cavity and had to have a lie down.

( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:28, Reply)

Pffft.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:36, Reply)

Similar to Noels, but use beer instead
Drink half a can, top up about half of that with a BBQ sauce, and you'll have a lovely BBQ tasting roast chicken. Alternatively, don't use the BBQ, and it'll still be very tasty.

What veg are you serving with it? Also, how are you doing the roasties?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 17:26, Reply)