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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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That thread is lacking in direction
People often say "I just want to go to the airport and get on the next flight anywhere", tell me about a time when you were spontaneous. Did it work out? Or did you end upo in the rain without a kagool?

Alt: in light of AWT getting caught by the fuzz, have you ever shoplifted?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:26, 221 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
Alt: Maybe.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:28, Reply)
haha!
You are Innocent!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:35, Reply)
I'm not really the spontanious sort.
Alt: Yes when I was about 10. I thought the feds were after me for years.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:29, Reply)
What people say that?
Pricks that's who, they'll need jabs and shit if they go anywhere exotic.

I'm tempted to get a holiday to lybia at the end of this year, depends if FCO advice lets me.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:29, Reply)
It's really about the sentiment I think...

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:31, Reply)
Well they should take that sentiment and shove it right up their arse.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:38, Reply)
I thought you were visiting Labia this weekend?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:40, Reply)
heh, if she's lucky.
Still wouldn't Lybia be an awesome place to go to this year, terrifying but so cool.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:42, Reply)
Probably, yes

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:45, Reply)
Friday afternoon in the pool hall, few beers chatting ended up with 20 hours later being on a boat to Amsterdam
and cleaning up in the casino on the way there.

Also, impromptu party invitation (to Loch Lomond) meaning a 5 hour drive there

Alt:
Accidently yes. Walked out with £10 worth of tablemats from John Lewis
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:33, Reply)
middle class crime

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:45, Reply)
The very worst kind

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:49, Reply)
ALT: Yes, the other day because I couldn't be bothered to queue.
I really need to sort myself out.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:34, Reply)
I could never do that.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:49, Reply)
You'd probably just take your shopping to a travelodge.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:53, Reply)
you like it when i whip you don't you you filthy cream
Etc
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:56, Reply)
I do not understand this.
Perhaps Chompy should have talked about it more.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:00, Reply)
I fear that if he talked any more about the fact that he is going to be putting his penis inside a women this weekend
the board may spontaneously combust.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:01, Reply)
:(
SHUT UP YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS I HATE YOU ALL!
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:03, Reply)
"If she's lucky"
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:05, Reply)
essential reading for guys like him
foreplay [ˈfɔ¢°ˌpleɪ]

n

mutual sexual stimulation preceding sexual intercourse
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:09, Reply)
Today's new word:
Mutual
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:11, Reply)
girls can have orgasms?
that will be news to him.

probably not this weekend though.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:13, Reply)
It's like the joke that goes:
Did you know, there are four types of orgasm.

The positive: YES! YES! YES!

The negative: NO! Oh no, no, no, NO, NO! UNNNGHHHHH!!!!!!

The religious: OH GOD!! OH GOD!!! OH GOD!!!!

and the fake: Oh. Pyschochomp. Oh yes. Mmmmmm. Yes Pyschochomp. Yes. *yawns*
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:16, Reply)
What about the tourettes orgasm.
Oh fuck oh fuck yes.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:18, Reply)
and then he can tell her the statistics on each one
before publishing them in a newslink.

oh so very very hot.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:19, Reply)
BUT IT'S HIS ONE CHANCE

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:16, Reply)
what, a charming and witty young go-getter like that?
now you're just being mean.

oops, sorry. accurate.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:21, Reply)
I like how he's telling everyone that she booked him without telling him
but I presume that with a certain class of escort you just arrange the time and they do the rest.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:22, Reply)
what, the same class of escort that books a travelodge?
i thought they'd abolished third class, myself.

shame he is missing all this LOLHILARITY, what with having me on LOLIGNORE. your joke was wasted.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:25, Reply)
Well, I spontaneously decided to go see some friends in the States the other day.
Of course, with flights and their schedules and stuff it'll be months before it happens.

Alt: Yep.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:43, Reply)
I stole a packet of chewing gum
it was surprisingly easy. I had all my shopping in a basket and I scanned it through the self checkout and didnt' scan the chewing gum.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:48, Reply)
I spontaneously decided to nip for a pint
And here I am posting on the internet from the pub. How cool am I?

Alt: shoplifting is for teenagers or bored wealthy people. It is frightfully common.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:49, Reply)
Needs MOAR cheese

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:49, Reply)
I have salted peanuts
Will that do?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:52, Reply)
It will have to

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:52, Reply)
In answer to the first part
When my sister came to visit me in australia we drove up the coast and I didn't plan an itinerary. I just had a tent in the car and a portable cooking stove and we ended up going to Fraser Island.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:50, Reply)
That sounds fucking cool actually

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:51, Reply)
I did a similar thing with friends once.
After V98, armed with a map, a book of campsites and some guitars we drove around the southeast coast, finding a new place to stay each day.
This was a lot less cool than Al's though...
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:58, Reply)
Unless you saw some dingos, some manta rays and some eagles then you are correct.
It was a lot less cool than mine.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:59, Reply)
I stayed on a temporary island* in Essex
So yes, like I said, a lot less cool.

*there is a word for this, I'm sure. You know when it is only an island at high tide.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:03, Reply)
atlantis?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:07, Reply)
Tidal promentory?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:10, Reply)
i met a girl last night who went to the toilet in the dark in the middle of the night in australia
only afterwards did she realise that she had killed a redback by squashing it with the toilet seat.

or as i put it, she murdered a spider with her bare arse.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:02, Reply)
I ran away from a Huntsman. THey aren't even poisonous, just massive. And agressive.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:05, Reply)
they are enormous
there is no need for any cunt to be that big and have that many legs
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:06, Reply)
*TGB joke here*

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:27, Reply)
Who is AWT?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:53, Reply)
worrell thompson
cheese thief extraordinaire
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:55, Reply)
Oh him, I heard about that.
Strange thing for a well off chef to be stealing.

How is your detox going?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:58, Reply)
easy and successful in that i feel much better about not drinking DC and eating chocolate and am saving shitloads of cash
but boring. so so so boring.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:01, Reply)
I went into Sports Direct last night to buy some heal supports
and came out with more lycra.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:02, Reply)
what colour lycra? this is important

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:03, Reply)
Grey leggings with orange trim around the ankles.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:04, Reply)
i can't mock that
can we pretend you said pink with lemon piping?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:05, Reply)
There were some with pink trim
but they were a couple of quid more expensive, and in the wrong size.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:07, Reply)
pink trim is no good either
i'm talking overly tight bright neon pink shorts.

THOSE i could mock. sort it out!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:09, Reply)
Are you confusing me with Mighty Badger?
I mostly wear green and black lycra.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:12, Reply)
i was angling for a picture of you in tight pink lycra hotpants

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:15, Reply)
I like the angle of your picture on your company website.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:17, Reply)
what, squashed?
i look nothing like that in real life, trust me.

although the angle - believe it or not, we had a mad woman in HR at the time who actually got my head between her hands and positioned it like that. she is also the only person on the planet who has ever gotten hold of my eyelashes. and the men said they feared for their penises.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:23, Reply)
It's the fact that your head is tilted about 20 degrees to the left and you're looking off camera.
It's an odd look, I think you should ask for it to be replaced.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:32, Reply)
send me a link and I'll give my opinion as a professional photographer

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:33, Reply)
Now, this here puts me in a terrible quandry.
I'm all about taking the piss and mockery. But is it right that I send out a link to someone's company website without their explicit permission? I mean, I know Swipey has said some really unpleasant things about my wife, but I'm trying to be the bigger person and let it go, which is why I'm letting her attend this weekends meeting with Amberl.

So, in essence, I don't think I can reasonably send you that link Ape. I'm sorry.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:41, Reply)
I know, I'll hav e to delve the deepest recess of my filthy imagination instead

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:46, Reply)
I will however just post the picture here

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:48, Reply)
Do you see what I mean about the head tilt and the looking off camera?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:49, Reply)
It is a little odd you're right
poor swipey
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:51, Reply)
our head of BD keeps saying to me that we should get it replaced
but i just can't be bothered.

also i am not going to the weekend bash. i am in cheshire for my dad's birthday.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:53, Reply)
Oh man, so I cancelled my plans for nothing?
Oh Swipe, we've had our differences, but would it have hurt that much to keep me in the loop?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:55, Reply)
i was never going on the 14th!
when it was the 8th, it could have been at mine, but that was all.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:02, Reply)
Yeah whatever, it's all about you isn't it, as long as you're okay it doesn't make the blindest bit of difference what other peoples plans are.
I hope you're feeling pleased with yourself, I really do.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:04, Reply)
amberl was crashing at mine on 8 jan
so we said drinks. then she moved it to 14 jan, but i couldn't make that date. this is really where my involvement in the whole thing ceases.

however, rakky and i will organise another monster london bash in the summer. THAT will involve me.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:09, Reply)
Can I dress up like a monster?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:12, Reply)
would you need a costume?!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:14, Reply)
Oh lol!
I see what you did there.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:16, Reply)
yeah, i'm witty and subtle like that

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:19, Reply)
Amberl did say that we had a lot in common like that.
I kind of got the impression she was trying to fix us up. She's a sweet kid.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:22, Reply)
she's a damn sight more mature than either of us

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:23, Reply)
I now have lycra leggings with a little pocket over the arse to store my inhaler in.
*wheezes to finish line*
(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:04, Reply)
Too much of a cowardy custard to steal.
Never even bunked on the bus.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:57, Reply)
I've previously got onto both buses and trains without paying the correct fare for my journey.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:58, Reply)
^this
And I never paid any poll tax when I was a student.

*raises fist in solidarity*
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:59, Reply)
Oh BGB, I am really looking forward to Download and spending some realy quality time with you.
I feel like we never really talk like we used to and that we're just drifting apart emotionally.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:00, Reply)
I'm looking forward to getting rat arsed and trying to stick my tongue down your throat.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:01, Reply)
I'm going to take my own tent so we can have some "private time" away from teh caravan if things go that way.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:02, Reply)
Sweet!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:04, Reply)
I'm hoping that Amberl comes along too, then we could all slip off together.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:04, Reply)
You want to be the filling in a boobie sandwich?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:07, Reply)
And what a sandwich that would be.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:14, Reply)
You can supply the mayo.
I disgust myself sometimes.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:15, Reply)
Blousie's special sauce.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:16, Reply)
If there's a few of you.
Jibbing trains is the easiest thing in the world. I've got to Newcastle and back for nowt on more than one occasion. Wouldn't do it any more because I can't be arsed and can afford it now.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:01, Reply)
Why is it easier if there are lots of you?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:03, Reply)
If you're on your own there's nowhere to hide really.
If there's a few of you distractions can be made etc. The easiest way is when a couple mates have tickets (there's always saps that buy them) and sit by a table, when the inspector comes into your carriage you just dive under them and wait til he goes. Couple minutes of being uncomfortable but saves a hundred odd quid.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:08, Reply)
You are a proper good girl aren't you?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:59, Reply)
I did smoke spliffs in my twenties
*dea ard*
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:02, Reply)
Watchit girl, Quentin will shop you to his bizzie mate.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:03, Reply)
he's crying on the floor of his office
so she's safe for the moment.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:05, Reply)
god love him

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:06, Reply)
someone has to!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:07, Reply)
Only a mother could love that.
He is coming to Brizzle. That'll be interesting.

Are you going to slum it?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:08, Reply)
Are we having an after party in your junior suite?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:09, Reply)
We are having a few juniors and that will be sweet.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:10, Reply)
Ha!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:11, Reply)
*twiddles moustache*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:12, Reply)
i am hoping to
one of my clients is a fancy hotel chain, and they promised me a freebie on a lovely suite there which i never got to use as we split up instead, so i might take them up on that!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:10, Reply)
DO IT.
A weekend on the trampagne (cider). Who could ask for more?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:12, Reply)
is the cider optional?
will they have my pinky botanical fancy vodka??
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:16, Reply)
It is but if you don't partake one has to revert to the recognised tipple
of the part of the UK you hail from.

That means you're on the brown beer.

(I will have a ginfest with you).
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:30, Reply)
*On the Buses music*

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:09, Reply)
" I 'ate yoo Rootaaah"

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:14, Reply)
*that face*

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:18, Reply)
Haha

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:05, Reply)
you're not a real scouser, are you?!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:01, Reply)
I definitely sound it

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:02, Reply)
I have never been caught by the fuzz.
But I have been swung around by the tits.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:01, Reply)
Got pissed on strong Swedish spirits at midsummer and borrowed a canoe without permission.
It worked out well. We didn't drown.

Also spontaneously decided to run a marathon. I missed al's marathon thread earlier so I'm going to just shoehorn that in here. Did he mention it's one of the toughest marathons in the UK? It is. We're nails.
(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:01, Reply)
I'm already being positive about mt internal locus of control.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:04, Reply)
My locusts are always under control.

(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:05, Reply)
I definitely have an ILOC.
My stubbornness is the only thing that gets me through runs.
(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:06, Reply)
I'm going to rely heavily on your stubborness to get me thorugh too.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:06, Reply)
"COME ON AL, KEEP RUNNING, WE'RE NEARLY THERE, DON'T QUIT NOW" etc.

(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:07, Reply)
I've discovered the best way to make myself go to the gym is to go not expecting to do much but think that anything is better than doing nothing.
And then as I get into it, as I invariably do, I do quite well and go home feeling chuffed.


I fool myself quite often with this technique.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:21, Reply)
Oh Blousie, given half the change i'd fool you time and time again if you know what I mean.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:23, Reply)
*does Steptoe grin*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:24, Reply)
+ the

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:07, Reply)
trufax.

(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:07, Reply)
Oh and did you see the bit where it says "run without headphones"?
I'm choosing to ignore that and the walking advice.
(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:06, Reply)
That's all well and good when you're training with a group of over positive americans
but when you're on your own on a wet and rainy night in north london, I'm gonna wear my fucking headphones.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:13, Reply)
Me too. And I'm NOT GOING TO WALK, YOU HEAR ME?

(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:15, Reply)
I'm aiming not to walk.
I bought a bum bag thing with a pocket for jelly beans and a holder for your water bottle.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:18, Reply)
I'm quite excited about the jelly beans.

(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:21, Reply)
Are the jelly beans to trip up the runners behind you?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:22, Reply)
Nah, I use aniseed balls for that.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:27, Reply)
You are Norman Price AICMFP

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:12, Reply)
Or drink in a pub with your tracky on.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:15, Reply)
Alt: Not intentionally

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:08, Reply)
Standard Scouser response

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:14, Reply)
Alt: Yeah, once
They shouldn't have been so uptight about selling me the stockings and suspenders.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:21, Reply)
I get nothing for this?
I have never been caught by the fuzz.
But I have been swung around by the tits.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:32, Reply)
Some cunt is digging up the road witha pneumatic drill right outside my window

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:27, Reply)
Sucks to be you doesn't it.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:28, Reply)
It is the worst thing in the world and I have run out of hoummus
/1st world problem
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:28, Reply)
NOW THEY ARE USING A DIGGER WITH A DRILL ATTACHED!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:32, Reply)
shut up complaining
i've lost sasha today, thats the worst thing EVER
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:43, Reply)
Sorry for your loss xxxx

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:47, Reply)
thank you, your emoitional support means a lot to me at this difficult time
xxxx
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:48, Reply)
+ of brain function

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:49, Reply)
WHY AR YOU PICKING ON ME SO MUCH TODAY!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:49, Reply)
Poor Quentin are you being a victim?
Stop being a victim, you brought this on yourself by dressing like a slut
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:51, Reply)
i am dressed like a slut today actually
i've got a fancy shirt, cufflinks, lovely kecks and shiny shoes on

these are even more reasons why she shouldn't have gone
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:53, Reply)
You should send her a text saying you MISS HER ALREADY :((( XXXXX

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:04, Reply)
she's text malcolm, she loves him like i love her
she could never love someone as ugly as me :(
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:09, Reply)
Slut

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:18, Reply)
oh dear malc has just told me what she wrote and i'm rather shocked
it seems i misjudged her quite spectacularly
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:30, Reply)
yeah
imaginary employees'll do that to you.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:30, Reply)
i posted a photo of her
she seems dead nice and posh and that, but it turns out she was a bit of a go-er
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:31, Reply)
No, you posted a photo of a woman
It could be anyone
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:33, Reply)
her name is sasha and she has five children
she lives in harrow and does some theatre-ish stuff, she even choreographed some music video a while ago, and back in her heyday was a dancer on top of the pops

she has never been in my (genuinely imaginary) helicopter
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:35, Reply)
Durr misread the question
Alt: I once pinched a 45 of Paranoid by Black Sabbath from the Fulham Music & Video Exchange. I shat it - far too middle class for that kind of caper.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 15:58, Reply)
Paranoid then?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:01, Reply)
That’s right. By Black Sabbath.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:04, Reply)
K THX BI

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:10, Reply)
Introducing my house mate to star wars this evening, shall I start with episode 4 or 1?

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:01, Reply)
4

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:02, Reply)
Agreed
Classics first THEN Jar Jar
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:11, Reply)
You should start with losing some weight.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:05, Reply)
Start with foreplay.
Movie after.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:07, Reply)
Kicking the shit out you would burn a few calories

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:08, Reply)
VIOLENCE FACTOR 10
+7 DAMAGE
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:10, Reply)
lol

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:12, Reply)
Hey! He is training with Arsenal at the moment

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:15, Reply)
Now hold on a sec
He could spare his friend Return of the Jedi by summarising it using his fat, hairy buttocks to represent a couple of Ewoks. Then lose some weight. And shave his arse.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:15, Reply)
That's no moon

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:17, Reply)
HA!

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:17, Reply)
Hang on
What the fuck are you doing letting someone who hasn't seen Star Wars into your home?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:13, Reply)
To watch Star Wars, you fucking mong

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:13, Reply)
HE CAN WATCH IT FROM THE GARDEN!

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:15, Reply)
He said HOUSEMATE
Which means, during the extensive vetting process involved with acquiring such a person, he forgot the most important question. Or they answered it "no".

Breasts must be involved. There is no other satisfactory explanation
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:15, Reply)
Or the fact that he moved in with the Star Wars virgin

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:16, Reply)
My explanation has breasts
My explanation wins
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:18, Reply)
Of course they are.
(His own, that is.)
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:16, Reply)
Afternoon Crowsephine
Are you keeping well?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:18, Reply)
I am not doing too badly on the whole, thanks.
How's your good self?
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:19, Reply)
Glad to hear it
Very well cheers, although I am liable to be moody for the foreseeable for diet-based reasons. I can no longer be placated by offerings of chocolate. In fact, such offerings will only enrage me further. I'm like the choco-Hulk.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:20, Reply)
Hang on a minute
I think I missed the point at which you turned into a middle-aged woman.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:22, Reply)
It was when he took up ballroom dancing
and realised that no matter how many times he was pumped full of semen, he'd never be able to have kids.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:23, Reply)
Tragic
Plunging himself face-first into yet another of Terry's chocolate boxes.

He'd pick them by hand and eat them normally, of course, were his hands not strapped to his ankles while a burly moustachioed gentleman (also, coincidentally, called Terry) applies lube to his anus with a rubber-gloved hand.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:29, Reply)
Terry's Chocolate Box?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:32, Reply)
There might have been a hint of an innuendo there, yes.
Edit: So, you know, I thought for once this year I'd try and have a conversation with Darth that didn't involve jokes about him being bent...that lasted all of 11 minutes.

(But to be fair, Al started it)
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:33, Reply)
I appreciate the thought
if not the effort
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:45, Reply)
I've been "slightly overweight" since I was 12
This is my latest, and to date most reasonable and well-planned, attempt at dealing with said issue.

Short answer; January 1st, thanks for asking
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:26, Reply)
You don't look like a lolfatty though

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:36, Reply)
When I say slightly overweight I do mean slightly overweight
My gut is annoying me now so I'd like rid of it. This means sensible eating, no beer and lots of time on the treadmill.

Hence, moody.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:38, Reply)
Oi Bitch, why aren't you champing at the bit to run a marathon with me and CHCB and DiT?
16 week programme starts on Monday. You should do it.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:45, Reply)
What does this programme involve?
In terms of distances, etc
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:50, Reply)
All numbers are in miles
Week 1 - 3, 4, 3, 5
Week 2 - 3, 4, 3, 6
Week 3 - 3, 4, 3, 7
Week 4 - 3, 5, 3, 8
Week 5 - 3, 5, 3, 10

That's all I've got in my calendar so far as I'm trying to work out how to fit in the runs while I'm in Australia.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:54, Reply)
Might actually be doable, that
Am back on the treadmill lately so I'll give it a shot, cheers

I've missed this - why are you off to Oz?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:59, Reply)
Shits and Giggles
I fucking love Oz and would go far more often if it was only £300 a pop to get there. But it's not, it's a grand a shot, and you need to go for three weeks to make it worth it. So every three or four years will have to suffice.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 17:01, Reply)
Hard to argue with that
Never been myself. Have an awesome time, and make sure you wind up at least three natives about cricket.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 17:08, Reply)
No they are just young.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:18, Reply)
Paedo

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:19, Reply)
My nephew's 6 and he's fucking seen it
He asked me to show it to him, I didn't even have to twist his arm, although I would have done, obviously. Your flatmate has no excuse. Now tell us there are breasts, otherwise you're going soft, sunshine.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:19, Reply)
One of them has breasts, the other has a penis.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:23, Reply)
Your housemate has the penis and you've got the breasts.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:24, Reply)
Details of the breasts please

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:25, Reply)
B cup, brown nipples.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:29, Reply)
This is doing wonders for your sex offender rep

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:29, Reply)
you asked, fucken pervotron

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:32, Reply)
This

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:33, Reply)
you fucken told him, pervo 209

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:36, Reply)
You knows I loves you baby
How do you know about the nipples?

Did you dip your pen in the house ink?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:39, Reply)
She got drunk and flashed us week two.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:43, Reply)
I am shocked and appalled by such wanton behaviour

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:53, Reply)
She is northern and a bit of a slag

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:56, Reply)
Well plow her then man
But only if she likes Star Wars
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 17:01, Reply)
If you take this out of context, it's a bit of a worrying post

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:23, Reply)
Hahaha!
POTD
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:25, Reply)
Call the cops!
Is your nephew Billy Elliot and that is who tou are seeing on the 21st?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:29, Reply)
This is HORRIBLE INTERNET ABUSE
Although it's probably nowt compared to what'll come after the 21st
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 16:43, Reply)

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