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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Last night my telly blew up but it was ok because the flux capacitors didn't go on fire.Would you like to say something about televisions?
Alt: Some lad threw up at the foot of our steps last night. Ever been sick on anyone's steps?
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:18,
192 replies,
latest was 14 years ago)
Alas, I have no TV exploding stories to shareI'm sure I'll have puked on someone's steps at some point.
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:19,
Reply)
Wouldn't it be great right, if televisions were like realand you could like step into the television shows and like be in a show, but like for real????
(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:19, Reply)
No, as my TV is not 6' talland therefore I'd be too cramped
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:20,
Reply)
I know this but can't remember where from!(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:33,
Reply)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:43,
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Not when it's going "cccccccccccccrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrsssssssssssssssssssskkkkkkkkkkkk"and the screen's all explodey and there's a smell of FIRE, no.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:22,
Reply)
I think I'd go in the first series of star trek and shake Shatners hand firmly.(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:24, Reply)
i'd go on the Adventure Game for a go on the Vortex(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:30,
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But does whatever you do inside the TV world have consiquence in the real world?If not, then FUCK YEAH.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:29,
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I just replied but it said you had deleted you sticky monkey scrotum(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:20,
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I have a television.*tries to remember drunken past*
Alt: No
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girlinthehole, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:20,
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What is your guilty TV watching secret?I watched DIY SOS last night and it almost thawed a tiny part of my cold, black and dead heart
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:22,
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Did not you not simply want to kill the smug faced bastard that presents it?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:23,
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Not really, noI find him inoffensive
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:24,
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hhaah that's funny because my mum says "I love her, she's dead brassy."Whereas I'm known as a pansy. A pansy who is always right.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:25,
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I've been sick on someones ceiling?So it turns out the government bwill give me £30 a week for having a child, claiming this would go against everthying i believe in, however I've paid my taxes should I take what's due?
also £30 = 7 or 8 pints
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:22,
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Give it to charity.Or save it for your childs University fees. They'll probably be like a zillion quid by the time they go.
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girlinthehole, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:22,
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Why do you not believe in free money?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:22,
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I don't believe that I truely need governmen t supportwhich is how I think benefits should work, ie to stop people starving or not having shelter, not for trainers, Tvs and gold chains
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:24,
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BUT WON'T YOU THINK OF THE BLING?!(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:24,
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Yeah, I'll probably apply and buy some Elizabeth Duke earings for my babyshe's 6 months and hasn't even had her ears pierced yet, I'm a terrible father
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:25,
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I agree with this and wish more people were like you.it won't work if only one or two do it
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:56,
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I wouldn't know, as I saidf I'm married IRL(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:26,
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not much but she can brew an "anti rohypnol potion"(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:27,
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It's gone full circle, heaven forbid the paper isn't ironed, my slippers aren't warmed, the kids are ready for bed and my whiskey isn't waiting when I get home(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:26,
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You're so henpecked that chickens laugh at you as you walk past.(
girlinthehole, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:27,
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You're so under the thumb that your wife's thumb has been shortened by 6mm just by pressing down on your head.(
girlinthehole, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:33,
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She presses that often he has to pretend to be a Hindu when he goes out(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:34,
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Have you put that up your arse too?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:45,
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*something about giving him a tip-off*(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:49,
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I'd like to say this:www.youtube.com/watch?v=XS-QLGxXzEs
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:22,
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And also this:www.youtube.com/watch?v=BI14wfWJax8&feature=player_detailpage#t=62s
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:26,
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I like television.It's where my friends live.
Alt: not since school, I don't think. I did pass out on my own front doorstep a few years ago, but that was because I was using a diesel powered generator in a flat with no windows open. Frankly, I was lucky I didn't do myself any worse damage.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:23,
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It was after some bitch had turned my flat into a skag den and then fucked off.I'd gone home to try to clean it up, but we couldn't get the electric switched back on, so we hired a genny for the weekend. Didn't occur to either me or mum that it might be a good idea to open the windows.
Also, because it was widely known to the neighbours as being a drug den (though no-one thought to mention it to the letting agents), someone stepped over my unconscious form on their way to the stairs, and didn't think to check whether I was alive.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:30,
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I threw up on a bowling green onceIt looked like pure lard
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:26,
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it was spunkthe over 80's men's bowling team had put him on the green and bukkeaed him for an hour
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:32,
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Surely that would have looked like polycell, not lard?(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:34,
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I think it was really badly cooked chips mixed with lots of cheap lager(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:35,
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The night I met my ex I was thunderingly sickShortly after bidding her goodbye after snogging her face off in various bars, I was so violently ill that a chap shook my hand and a girl felt compelled to point out that some had come out of my nose. Should have known that it wasn't going to last.
(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:25, Reply)
Alright Darth, still got your blue rinse on today?(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:28,
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A good vom should come out of your noseand fucking sting
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:29,
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By this criteria that was one of the finest voms I have this far producedMy Mum still reminds me of the first time I was ill as a result of drinking. Apparently it made for a superb spectator sport
(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:31, Reply)
I puked diesel after a night out and thought I'd split something open in my stomach as the puke was dark red(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:32,
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This is also true of DJ's first drunken folly.But it would be churlish and unsportsmanlike to air that here.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:33,
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And you should still be able to taste it ten years later.(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:32,
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This^*Vodka and orange shudders*
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:33,
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Haven't touched a drop of cider since that first technicolour yawnApparently a four-pint pitcher is meant to last longer than an hour
(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:35, Reply)
It is when you're 17 and your liver is virtually unsullied/late developer
(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:43, Reply)
TV broke last year so we don't have one anymore.I just get stuff online instead so if the SOPA bill is passed I'm fucked. Well, we're all fucked because it's a ridiculous bill.
Best thing on TV in the past few years has been The Killing (the Danish version).
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crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:27,
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Would you have thought twice about having the kid if you knew it meant you couldn't have a telly?(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:33,
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I gave away a HUUUGE-but-still-"flatscreen" telly (huge in depth, was about 26" in screen size.I gave it to the battered women, if I knew you didn't have one, I would have used it as leverage for to get myself a quicky.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:34,
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Why do you keep giving stuff to battered women?Guilt?
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girlinthehole, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:35,
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I got a thing or battered women and kids, it's not something that is god's fault, it's down to a fella being a cunt...... no amount of money can stop a hurrican, it's something that is part of nature. Battered women and kids though, and dogs, that one's down to humanity.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:51,
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Did you get a quicky from the battered women?(
crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:36,
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Hahahahahahaha!Fucking excellent!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:45,
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Nah', it's like the adoption people, I tried to get in touch with the kid's mum...... I figure if you have a kid and give it up, not all the time, but most of the time, you're gonna be a bit "council-estate'y", so maybe I could get something for taking the kid to Butlins, but they also wouldn't give out any numbers.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:49,
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I don't watch it, but it's always on 'for company'.I'll have to start going to bingo now, which is ok as they just refurbished our local bingo hall after the fire.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:34,
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This is a suspicious amount of fire damage.Are you a secret arsonist?
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:37,
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Hell yeah.how do you think I went on fire that time!
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:50,
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Me too.I put the tv on for company. I actually watch very little of it.
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girlinthehole, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:38,
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I like my telly.I have to go and see a specialist next week as I am now almost totally deaf in my left ear. A little anxious as no one needs a deaf teacher.
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:29,
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Doing that in lectures now and it's already annoying (
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:34,
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get one of those curved mirrors that cars use to see out of difficult junctions(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:36,
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I watched the third eppisode of "Black Mirror" on the train home last night, the one where people can record and playback anything on their life.It was a fucking wicked show.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:31,
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I thought that one was the best.Depressing though, but really good, the guy who played the lead was excellent.
(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:32, Reply)
Yeah', I thought the same. I found the first one a bit borring but watchable, the second one borring and unwatchable, but the third one was great.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:35,
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I got bored in the second one and turned off(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:33,
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That was the weakest one,but I'm kinda in love with the girl in it.
(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:35, Reply)
write to her, c/o her agenttell her that there's a travellodge room all booked and ready.
she'll never resist you then.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:49,
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I still haven't seen that episode. Can you still get it on the 4OD?(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:35,
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I donno, I downloaded it.I can place it somewhere online where you can get access to it if you want though =)
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:47,
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i liked that one, the second one was rubbish and i din't see the firsti hope someone is keeping notes
(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:06, Reply)
When I was small I was in the hospital and there was a boy in the bed opposite and a telly had fallen on him.He really wasn't very well.
I have recently bought myself a new TV. I am looking forward to a new house to watch it in!
Alt: I wee'd in a shop doorway once, because I was 14 and REBELLING.
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Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:33,
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My mate pissed in a letting agents letterboxbecause they were cunts.
(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:35, Reply)
What about some special time with Darth?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:37,
Reply)
What about being able to fondle yourself while watching the telly going "COR! I'd give her one! Wouldn't you give her one? I would."(
Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:39,
Reply)
A friend of mine pissed through Debenhams' letter box on the way back from a club onceBecause we dared him to. And because he was a bastard.
(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:39, Reply)
as a young and drunken studenti gave my bf a blowie on the steps of debenhams one night.
i wanted to go to fortnums, but he didn't want to walk that far.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:48,
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i had to be reminded of it the following morningi was not happy with myself.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:53,
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Face in the mirror like a plasterer's radio again?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:15,
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haha my godmother 'got her drink spiked' in the 80sand grandma found her with the telly on top of her
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:36,
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My mum once flashed the neighbours at Christmas Eve.She claims - to this day - that she had an allergic reaction to some orange matchmakers that she ate (to be fair, she *is* allergic to orange flavouring) which caused he behaviour and not (repeat NOT) a result of half a bottle of whisky.
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Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:41,
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i flashed my dad and the whole street once.My vest top got caught in my torque bangle :(
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:53,
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I thought you were a prude!(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:15,
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wait what? like a massive CRT set?Was he dead?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:37,
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It was a massive CRT set, yep, apparently it happened in a Working Men's Club.Mum says the parents were from the 'other side' of town and got arrested for being pissed in the hospital and generally being common.
Poor lad, he wasn't dead, but I remember he was in a bad way. They moved him off to Great Ormond Street in the end...
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Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:38,
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Yeah, he couldn't turn over(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:48,
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Oh I see...the tv falling was why he was in hospitalI thought he was in bed in hospital and the tv had fallen on him...
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:59,
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My flatmate has a habit of leaving the telly on when he's not even watching itI frequently wander into the living room to find some wanker's blithering on about football on the television and he's nowhere to be found.
Alt: You know, I don't think I have. I've been sick in a variety of places, but steps would be a new one for me.
(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:37, Reply)
Yeah, mr b3th does that too.Annoys the fuck out of me. He also leaves lights on. I think I'm turning into my dad. He used to follow us around the house turning things off.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:39,
Reply)
It's no bad thing, after all, it keeps your electricity bill down.You just want to be careful you don't get too zealous and turn off his pacemaker when you think he's not using it.
(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:44, Reply)
That's the thing - he keeps moaning at me about how high the bills areBut apparently it's because I take too long in the shower every morning.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:48,
Reply)
I shared a house with someone who would come downstairs in the morninggo into the living room to switch the TV on, before heading to the opposite end of the house to make his morning cuppa.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:45,
Reply)
It's almost like he was trying to multitask efficiently and got it the wrong way round...Surely you'd put the kettle on first, and go to the opposite end of the house to watch the telly while you wait for the water to boil?
(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:46, Reply)
Unless he thought it was the 1950s and the tube needed to warm up before you could watch it(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:48,
Reply)
An amusing strikethrough about tube and lube.(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:50,
Reply)
My tele is amazing.Although it's stuck in the front room when I want it up here.
(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:52, Reply)
i have a lovely wide-screen tv, but stupid virgin cable means it's always out of syncmy dad has the most vulgar mahoosive 3D one. my mother would never have let it in the house. BUT the 3D programmes are amazing.
i'm kind of done on tv. never watch it.
alt: no. but my friend was drunkenly sick in a mutual friend's kitchen sink once, whilst her (really fierce) mother was obliviously making tea with her back turned. when she saw the sink she went ballisticisimus and threw us all out. at the time it was horrifying, but in hindsight the memory of my friend lurching around the kitchen with her hands clamped over her mouth searching for somewhere to yak is a great one.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:53,
Reply)
my grandad bought what can only be described as a cinema screen about three months before he died. Needless to say, Uncle Tony sold it before he was even cold.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:55,
Reply)
poor grandadstill, he prob enjoyed it whilst he had it.
reminds me of my friend, whose aunt and uncle have a parrot. they've had it for years; it's about 65, the vet thinks. and it's a right cantankerous old bugger. their children (aged 49 and 51) really really hate it. one of their family friends was asking how long parrots live.
"about 5 minutes longer than my dad," their son said darkly.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:00,
Reply)
alt. i chucked all over claire richards and lisa scott lee once...but only cos i accidently looked into thier eyes and saw the bleak, dead abyss that is the void where their souls are supposed to be
(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:56, Reply)
oh and mum got me a giant telly for my birthday last yeari don't like it :(
(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:57, Reply)
you didn't get my mathematical numbers joke, did you?(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:58,
Reply)
oh the one a couple of threads back?yeah i get it, people here are fat lol
(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:00, Reply)
the one about a round number of girls asking for copies of-the joke is: the number is "zero"...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:00,
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Oh not Faye then?Leave poor fat Claire alone.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:58,
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i forgot about her, faye was the most vacuous of all, i bet she wasn't even human(, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:59, Reply)
ZacklyAnd remember when she looked like the Predator with her stupid dreads.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:00,
Reply)
She looked like an elephant seal painted pink(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:06,
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*drinks cider from a lemon*(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:19,
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I think fat Claire was a dirty little fuckerFilth, that girl
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:10,
Reply)
She gave me the fackin' horn(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:13,
Reply)
Yes, I would.FFS stop putting the "have you changed to Digital" signs all over my favourite telly programmes. I know I need a digital telly by 4th April, leave me alone.
That's better.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:58,
Reply)
We changed to digital about three years ago.Load of shit.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:59,
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This is not encouraging me to shell out.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:02,
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I'm already on digitalAnd you know what'll remind me to retune? WHen half my channels disappear, that's what, I do not need reminding every 5 seconds until then.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:03,
Reply)
I don't know if I'm on digital or not.I get my telly through an old sky box.
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girlinthehole, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:06,
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I refuse to have sky because Murdoch is a cunt.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:09,
Reply)
I don't have sky anymore, just get the normal channels like a set top box.(
girlinthehole, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:10,
Reply)
You're fine.You get Freesat, so not loss of channels, not retune needed.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:32,
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All top execs are cuntsSky has good stuff on
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:10,
Reply)
I know CBeebies stops at 7pm Quents, so you should really go to bed then(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:14,
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I have a 30" crt TV with in built DVD player, bought from Tesco 7 years ago for £110(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:20,
Reply)
Because your wife wouldn't let you get anything bigger.(
girlinthehole, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:26,
Reply)
Who pissed on your cornflakes this morning, I thought we were friends BGB, I thought we were friends :'((
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:32,
Reply)
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