How embarrassing
I've just come out of a meeting with my boss and a guy who is doing some consultancy work for us. During the meeting the consultant was asked to plug his laptop into the projector so that we could have a look at something on our website. After typing the address into the browser he accidentally clicked on the drop down box to reveal previous websites he had visited. These mainly consisted of pantyhose fetish sites.
How have your dirty porn habits embarrassed you recently? You may widen this to include other embarrassing stories about yourselves and others which don't involve porn.
Or you can just take this as an opportunity to call Nakers a bent spastic.

Alt: Battered was accused of double standards in the previous thread. What double standards do you have? Why are you such a hypocrite?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:18, 164 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I'm currently borrowing my mate's Mum's laptop.
My mum said she'll go and give it back later today. I need to get home and wipe it clean before she does but I have no keys. And I don't want to leave where I am now, I'm content in Clapton. Things could get embarrassing.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:23, Reply)

When you say 'wipe it clean'.....

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:26, Reply)

Haha

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:27, Reply)

That statement was multi layered, yes.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:42, Reply)

It is embarrassing enough that your own mother knows what you get up to*
without your friends' mothers being aware too.

*Believe me, she knows.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:44, Reply)

Hahhahahaah oh dear.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:23, Reply)

hahahahaha!
Ouch
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:23, Reply)

I slag off Apple for their business ethics and shoddy hardware
but I'm writing this on my Macbook Pro
( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:24, Reply)

Is that like 'syrup of figs'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:25, Reply)

Sorry, I meant NINJA of CUNT.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:26, Reply)

I ninja'd before you replied so it doesn't count!
Don't be so sirius
( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:27, Reply)

This is all because I am Black, isn't it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:29, Reply)

Fuck off sambo.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:29, Reply)

You had better be in a Sambo restaurant using words like that!

( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:30, Reply)

KFC?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:06, Reply)

Alt: I call you a hippy all the time.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 18 May 2012, 12:30, Reply)

True, you are the biggest hippy here.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:33, Reply)

No, you are, but I have my tendencies.
I am however not a spliff-smoking, tofu-eating folk musician
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 18 May 2012, 12:57, Reply)

I'll have you know I haven't smoked a spliff since November.
Er... the rest is true though.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:02, Reply)

Yeah.
I'm just a lefty and mostly a vegetarian, not up to your standards.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 18 May 2012, 13:16, Reply)

Spakkers is a spastic.

Alt: I tell people I hate popular bands like the Strokes when in fact I am listening to the Strokes right now.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:39, Reply)

Are they still popular?
I have no idea what you kids are listening to these days...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:42, Reply)

I think they put an album out not so long ago but am listening to the first one. Well a few tracks on Spotify. I listen to cool, new stuff in no way at all do I listen to Fleetwood Mac, Kansas, Springsteen etc.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:45, Reply)

During one of the many rough points in our relationship
the ex used my computer, opened Firefox, which helpfully restored all the pages I'd recently been looking at. I forgot to enable private browsing.

That smoothed things RIGHT over.
( Kroney, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:43, Reply)

She didn't approve of Star Trek fan sites?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:44, Reply)

So few people do, Tangles.
I'll never understand why people have such an issue with cosplay :(
( Kroney, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:46, Reply)

Even if I knew what that was, I'm not sure I could explain it.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:49, Reply)

It's that thing where they dress up as characters.
Usually at a convention. No, I've never been.
( Kroney, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:52, Reply)

THAT SOUNDS GREAT!!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:02, Reply)

Meh, not causing any harm is it.
Keeps them busy.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:05, Reply)

At least they're having a good time.
I feel more sorry for people that are self-conscious enough to feel they have to put other peoples' interests down.
( Kroney, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:11, Reply)

^ GERD ALERT

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:20, Reply)

Back in the days of dial up my mates dad let us use his pc
I was never able to look at him the same way again after typing in the address bar and the previous address www.uglyfatchicks.com/hardcore popped up
( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:45, Reply)

Was that the working name for B3TA?
Before it became famous?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 12:55, Reply)

I've just discovered Chompy's new favourite band:
www.honestjons.com/shop.php?pid=40298&CatID=124
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:49, Reply)

You are wrong.
rapiers.typepad.com/rapiers_are_go/
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:50, Reply)

I've had porn open on my phone
and it unlocked with facial recognition without me noticing when I had it on the table in the pub.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:56, Reply)

It recognised your crotch?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:59, Reply)

This doesn't make sense.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:05, Reply)

I think the joke lies in the word "facial"

( Kroney, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:11, Reply)

porn phone recognises crotch it usually sees?
meh, anything that needs explaining is by definition a fail.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:12, Reply)

Who the hell watches porn on their phone?

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:25, Reply)

Winners barry, winners.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:25, Reply)

aka that guy groaning and panting in the disabled stall.

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:30, Reply)

My thinking is if you've got something capable of displaying porn, then you're missing out if you don't use it for porn.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:31, Reply)

That's why it is so quiet on here.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:34, Reply)

Place is flooded with wankers
big wankers, little wankers, toilet wankers, phone wankers, ... you get the idea
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:36, Reply)

We get quite a few people watching porn in the net cafe where I work.
I used to discreetly ask them to stop it, but now ask at the top of my voice to embarrass them. Petty I know, but it gets me through the day.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 13:34, Reply)

You mean like a girlfriend?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:49, Reply)

I don't have a projector. BUT IF I DID!

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:59, Reply)

I'd fucking love a projector on every wall in a room.
I think I'd turn it into a porno SLASH aquerium.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:02, Reply)

I did this but without the facial recognition.
I was at work at the time.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:33, Reply)

I think I'd have to leave the meeting due to lolling so hard.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:03, Reply)

And you recognised the names as being pantyhose fetish websites, you say?
Familiar, were they?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:12, Reply)

sexypanties.com is pretty obvious.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:14, Reply)

I suspect a devotee of pantyhose would want nothing to do with such a site
since CLEARLY panties are TOTALLY DIFFERENT to pantyhose.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:21, Reply)

I recognised the word pantyhose, if that's what you mean.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:16, Reply)

Perhaps they were shopping websites

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:21, Reply)

I can't recall the exact names
but I'm pretty sure they included words such as "confession" and "fetish"
Do you have a shopping fetish which you wish to confess?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:29, Reply)

Only for pantyhose

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:30, Reply)

I am aware of website.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 13:21, Reply)

In Soviet Russia, website aware of you!

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:25, Reply)

Alt: I have massive double standards but make no claim to consistency.
The things I like and have an interest in are GREAT, and everything else is by default FUCKING SHIT.

If everyone started agreeing with me, though, I'd think my interests had been in some way spoiled.

I am a 'prick', I think is the word.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:35, Reply)

Everyone agrees with you that you are a prick.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:38, Reply)

You see now you've even spoilt being a prick for me.
:o
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:45, Reply)

Soz.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:46, Reply)

Prick.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:57, Reply)

Now you're spoiling MY fun

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:02, Reply)

Nah' man, I'm a proper hypocrite.
The things that I don't like about myself, as everyone has something, I fucking despise when I see that in other people.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:49, Reply)

Never been embarrassed by it, as I'm not fucking dumb enough to leave anything lying around.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:39, Reply)

Only your bank card with ready access to your PIN

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:40, Reply)

You didn't did you AA?

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 13:43, Reply)

Not quite.
Worse.

Unless 'lying around' covers 'actively giving both card and number to someone'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:46, Reply)

He 's so childishly simple he gives all his 'mates' his pin.
BUT BUT THEY@RE MY FWIENDS WHY WUD DEY TAL ALL MY MONIES :'(((''''''''
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:46, Reply)

Oh, you're back.
*hugs & ruffles hair*

I wuv you, wory.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:47, Reply)

Fighting for Truth and Justice as always Scarpo

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:48, Reply)

Guy who I trusted as one of my best mates stole my card off me
I'd given him my PIN previously, as he was going to the cash point and I asked him to pick me up £10. He stole the card from me the next day, then emptied my account. I made a mistake, I've learned from it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:49, Reply)

you sir, are the common word for a pregnant goldfish.. (google it)
seriously though what an a-hole.. his name wasn't chris was it?
( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:07, Reply)

Nope, it was Alex
Thing is, he was one of my best mates, and I thought nothing of trusting him any differently than I would anyone else, as I'd never had a reason not to trust him.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:13, Reply)

did he think he'd get away with it without you knowing it was him?
or did he just eye up an opportunity to rob and take it?
( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:15, Reply)

He thought he'd get away with it, he was even claiming it wasn't him despite us having CCTV images of it being him

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:21, Reply)

Oh, back to the old ones again, eh Rory?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:47, Reply)

It did make me laugh that you had to get the Police involved, having given your PIN (you should read the advice that comes with it next time) to someone more inept with money than you

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:50, Reply)

Well, I didn't really have a choice, as there was no other way to get my money back, you see?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:50, Reply)

You could have acted like a man AA, only pussys go running to dibble

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:52, Reply)

Yes, but it helps to find out who took it in the first place.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:05, Reply)

So you've given your PIN out to a whole host of persons
You should really only have a responsible adult with you if you're ever left outside
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:08, Reply)

and don't ever play with sharp sticks

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:08, Reply)

And every single one of them I trusted completely.
Granted, that was a mistake, but you live and learn.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:12, Reply)

Listen to Rory, AA.
He's never made any mistakes in his life. Ever.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 18 May 2012, 14:17, Reply)

Of course.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:22, Reply)

We all make Mistakes Rev, it's the caliber and how they're rectified upon which we are judged
So for instance marrying a fat bitch because you were unable to find anyone else to stick your milky moo up their stinkhole with and then going home to that every day until she ran you out of the house and left you living in the car would be considered to be a failure.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:34, Reply)

Just saying like
I don't want to bring your disabled kids into it, that shit aint fair
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:35, Reply)

Do you have a file on all of us?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:41, Reply)

I need it man, it helps me cut down on all the faux pas, I can't stand all the needless awkward moments on b3ta

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:45, Reply)

I think we should combine them all into a wiki style page.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:46, Reply)

I'll gaz up techno wizards Mistaspakkaman and Bill they'll have it up and running in no time at all

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:47, Reply)

Isn't most of it already compiled in the qotw archive?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:48, Reply)

Never mind though Rory. Chin up though, eh?
I'm sure you'll find the right girl/boy eventually.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 18 May 2012, 14:35, Reply)

I have a feeling that by not being a whale hunter I'm already one up on you there

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:42, Reply)

Fat horrors are people too Rory.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 18 May 2012, 14:45, Reply)

At least one person here had sex with Bella, so that must be true

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:50, Reply)

I am constantly saddened
By the slimness of the overlap between 'would' and 'could'.

:(
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:58, Reply)

I wouldn't have thought you'd have had the cash returned,
as it's always stipulated that you shouldn't give your PIN to anyone. Banks being the shits they are, I'd have thought that they'd have argued over even a tenner.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 13:54, Reply)

Bank didn't pay it back, but the lad who stole had to.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:05, Reply)

I thought he was banned,
for being a twat or something? Or did I dream it?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 13:59, Reply)

It turned out to be Lyes Upponne Ye Internette

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:02, Reply)

:0

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:06, Reply)

lololz
www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/celebrity/receptionist-shocked-to-discover-sidebar-fame-2012051827644
(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:50, Reply)

I got to the end of the article before realising it was a spoof site (wasn't paying attention, thought it was one of those fringe london ones'), which made it even more funny.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:56, Reply)

I missed the caption on the photo until I posted it here.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:57, Reply)

Oh, my housemate once borrowed my laptop from under my bed.
He opened it to find it still sat on the grot I'd been watching whilst relaxing in a gentlemans manner the night before.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:50, Reply)

Not recently, but as a teenager I left a wank mag in my bed. The classic ones we used to find in bins, torn in half for some strange reason.
Anyway mum found it. When she was making my bed. Which is probably more embarrassing than reading it, the confession that mum still made my bed at that age.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 13:52, Reply)

still made my bed at that age had sent in to the letters page
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:57, Reply)

sent in to the letters page been asked to stop sending entries for Readers Wives as nobody wanted to see that.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:06, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:09, Reply)

i don't watch porn as i can actually get laid
was that scathing enough?

i did borrow a colleague's laptop once, and it came up with "teenage masturbation stories" when i started typing in google, which made me laugh a LOT.

i don't think i'm hypocritical about anything. oh, wait. i rant on about preserving the high street.... but blatantly do all my shopping at westfield...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:12, Reply)

However, from my hazy recollection the only men you can attract
are middle-aged bedshitters and rampant bumsexualists. Amirite? Soz.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 18 May 2012, 14:18, Reply)

You forgot mentally ill people from the internet.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:20, Reply)

shudder
i've only done that a couple of times. the difference in how sweet the last one was ONLINE and what a dull cunt he was OFFLINE put me off for life!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:22, Reply)

Hahahahaha

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:20, Reply)

you forgot the pikey prick who couldn't pay for anything and couldn't say thank you when i did
and the one who jumped out of bed when the doorbell rang at about 9am on a sunday, exclaiming: "oh that'll be my mum".

and the one who revealed himself to be a creepy christian fundamentalist after a few dates.

but others have been lovely!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:21, Reply)

Ah, soz, missed a few there.
I heartily recommend the Rampant Rabbit 'Saturday Night In' model.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 18 May 2012, 14:23, Reply)

save it for /qotw
i'll stick to going out on sats, thanks!

i'm having a month off dating to deal with the ex. the next hunting ground will be "polo in the park". mmm. ruperts.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:26, Reply)

Haven't you been 'dealing with the ex' for months?
Is this a euphemism?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 18 May 2012, 14:30, Reply)

no, it's a crisis!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:31, Reply)

About his sexuality?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:32, Reply)

I think that's cut and dried

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 18 May 2012, 14:33, Reply)

this reminds me of a conversation a friend and i had with a barrister about another barrister who is clearly bent
his mate denied it. "he really likes girls," he insisted hotly. "he loves skinny french women."

there was a pause.

"so... boys then," we said.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:36, Reply)

What's his problem now?

(berk, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:33, Reply)

i will text you over the weekend - i'm not ruining your friday afternoon!
some of it will make you facepalm like a bitch. but my reply will make you laugh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:34, Reply)

Group text, please.
I could use a laugh.
( Kroney, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:37, Reply)

i could write your response right now!
it would start with "tell him to" and it would end with "fuck off".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:41, Reply)

I am not known for my subtlety

( Kroney, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:42, Reply)

He's a massive bender

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:35, Reply)

he's not massive, he's tiny
as i may have pointed out rather unfairly, but i think it sailed over his head.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:36, Reply)

Wait, she he's gay and lacking in the penis packing department?* God he just sounds better and better, doesn't he?



*Oh, that sounds like a horrible place to work.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:46, Reply)

It'd be a laugh
It's fun to look at willies and laugh.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 18 May 2012, 14:47, Reply)

You can't have a poo round a girl's house can you?
I'm not sure how much longer I can hold this.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:20, Reply)

not if you want her to sleep with you ever ever again
make an excuse to go out to the shops and stop at a pub, you incontinent beast!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:21, Reply)

Thought so.
As much as I like doing a poo it's not worth it.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:26, Reply)

the key to wedded bliss is separate bathrooms
there is nothing more off putting than realising your bloke smells like a fucking farm.

apart from when he farts massively in his sleep and then blames you. that was special.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:29, Reply)

It's better than shitting yourself
and girls generally have spray stuff in bathrooms because their shit stinks as well.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:22, Reply)

Girls shit?
Blimey. Do they weewee too?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 14:45, Reply)

Yes, but only once a month and it's red.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:47, Reply)

Tell her you have to go and wipe your spunk off your mate's mum's laptop
and then go for a pony in a local pub.

SORTED!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:23, Reply)

Just open a window
and hang out of it.

I tend to find this is best on a rear facing window as sometimes meddling neighbours call the popo
( Kroney, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:23, Reply)

That's funny
because in Germany, popo is a childish name for an arse. Sort of like calling the police the bum-bum.

Sorry, I'm a bit high and probably talking nonsense : (
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 18 May 2012, 14:38, Reply)

Dan's Big Log.
www.macclads.co.uk/hectic_house/lyrics/lyrics_alpha/dans_b.html
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 14:41, Reply)

Shit in a carrier bag

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:36, Reply)

zomg the toffee crunch flavour mini chocolate fingers may be the best things EVER
try them! try them NOW!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:37, Reply)

Is it as good as getting laid?

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 14:41, Reply)

in some cases

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:41, Reply)

If someone has chocolate fingers
I'm not sure I want to have sex with them...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 18 May 2012, 14:45, Reply)

RACIST!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:46, Reply)

Which artist has brown fingers?
Pickarso.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 14:46, Reply)

if they have chocolate fingers. ..
surely they have already just had sex with you?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:49, Reply)

I hope you aint got kids

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:51, Reply)

Yes,
they're kept securely in the cellar.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 14:52, Reply)

Oh the comedy, he'd always be confusing faecal matter and chocolate LOLOL!!!!!!!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:54, Reply)

Might be worth opening a file, just to be on the safe side.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:53, Reply)

This motherfuckers got his own sheet in excel

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:55, Reply)

it's not that bad. Just wipe them on the pillow and carry on.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:51, Reply)

*cough* dirty sanchez

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:54, Reply)