Enough of that music rubbish before Boyce starts pontificating.
Tomorrow I am going to Poland to spend the weekend on the piss with my best mate. The only problem is that I have to fly with RyanAir. What's your worst flight experience?

Alt: What's the best cure for insomnia (apart from wanking & booze)?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 8:42, 166 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

I'm wearing shorts, I think it's too cold for shorts really
26 hours to new Zealand was pretty odious
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 8:47, Reply)

Alt: hashish

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 8:48, Reply)

This was the body cavity search by Big Dave at Heathrow, wasn't it?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 8:53, Reply)

They both enjoyed that.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 8:56, Reply)

I did once nearly get nabbed sneaking some hash into Greece.
On a school trip.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:02, Reply)

define nearly, surely you either did or didn't.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:12, Reply)

Chap was going through my stuff,
got to my bathroom bag where the hash was and opened it, when he was called away and stopped searching. The end.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:21, Reply)

Good job you had many changes of pants

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:21, Reply)

Quite so.
It was a close call - one of several in my life. I've been really fucking lucky.

*tempts fate*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:22, Reply)

*is firmly of the opinion that to tempt anything you have to actually have something tempting and given that Monty has nothing at all there will be no tempting going on here*

(Bazongaloid, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Also, surely if something is fated, it is going happen anyway, temptation or otherwise?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:27, Reply)

*thinks tangles is correct in this and that Monty has not adequately thought his comments through*

(Bazongaloid, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:31, Reply)

*cries at being out-thought by two mongols off the internet*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:45, Reply)

Dutch Schteve at Schippol is much worse
he doesn't use his hands.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:05, Reply)

Not always
Many's a time I've sampled some rare herbs and then can't sleep to save my fucking life. Mainly because of all the "brilliant" ideas that I have.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:01, Reply)

Weed is no good but some good old mongy black hash always knocks me out.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:02, Reply)

Ah, fair point
I've not had any of the brown stuff for SO long. It's all green these days. And green of varying qualities...not always decent.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:03, Reply)

you know, I remember when that green was all fields.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:05, Reply)

I remember when you could buy a teenth of brown, half ounce of GV, packet of big skins
and STILL have change for a 5 pack of Mars bars and a strawberry Yazoo.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:06, Reply)

those were the days.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:09, Reply)

I can't remember how much money I had to begin with
Cause...you know...I was off my tits.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:11, Reply)

Aye lad.
*leans on gatepost and looks wistfully into the middle distance with a colliery brass band playing in t'background*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:11, Reply)

*realises gatepost is a decorative bong*

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:12, Reply)

*wonders how long it will take for Monty to go into a mad rage over the use of stars*

(Bazongaloid, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:13, Reply)

*about now*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:17, Reply)

*goes into a mad rage*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:18, Reply)

*laughs out loud*

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:19, Reply)

*imagines that all the actions described within the stars are actually taking place*

(Bazongaloid, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:21, Reply)

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:24, Reply)

(Bazongaloid, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:26, Reply)

*slaps bass*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:33, Reply)

Posting this pic is basically going to get a click off me every single time, for ever.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:44, Reply)

Exercise, exercise and a good relaxing bed time routine

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 8:48, Reply)

This is just 'wanking' again, isn't it?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:20, Reply)

And drinking

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:26, Reply)

Little bit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:32, Reply)

Worst landing
at a wet and windy airport, came down like a leaf in a gale, slammed on to the runway and then straightened up suddenly, which was the worst bit.
Ryanair is fine as long as you remember you are cattle. Once flew back with them and because the plane was late they never bothered to do the overweight luggage ripoff, result.
alt: Wanking. Booze is not that good for sleep, too much wakes me up at stupid o'clock.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Flying back from Cancun with Mrs Cow puking
Overnight, with no sleep and a 3 hour drive back after that from Manchester. Or that one I took to visit NY a few years ago and asked if the pilot could show us all Manhattan

Alt:
Don't get narked about it. Get up and read or watch tv
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 8:52, Reply)

I was going to say 'get up and read for a bit'
but I think our right honorable friend the Sportscow has already covered this.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:02, Reply)

*doffs cap*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:21, Reply)

*offers cap counselling*

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:28, Reply)

Plane out of the Masaai Mara during the short wet
The "airfield" (actual field) was waterlogged and they couldn't stop the plane in case it sank. Boarding a moving plane is... interesting. That, or the first time doing a stall turn. Watching your propellor slowly come to a stop several thousand feet in the air is fairly unnerving.

Alt: Get up. Do something else. Don't lie there thinking. Excercise more. Sex before sleep. Or alternatively, stop being such an absolute screaming Mary and just go to sleep.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:03, Reply)

Nitrazepam
and a couple of beers...

Always used to do the trick for me.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:12, Reply)

Opium and a couple of wanks

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:31, Reply)

Ketamine and a krafty one

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:43, Reply)

Air Lingus flying into Shannon
Very foggy, I think we went round about six times before we finally made it down on the deck. I was the only passenger without the rosary beads mumbling away.

Alt: A clear conscience.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:19, Reply)

Going into Dublin a few years ago was "wobbly", to say the least
I'm sure the wing tip almost hit the ground
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:22, Reply)

Alt: I took a prescription sleeping pill last night for the first time as it happens
Amititryptline or some such. Didn't sleep much better but felt drowsy and sluggish this morning, normally I'm quite the morning person. Science; rubbish.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:24, Reply)

They sound like Jimmy Saville's old prescription.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:28, Reply)

Met Jimmy Saville when my Dad was on Jim'll Fix It
He was a quality gent. Mental, though.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:30, Reply)

He may have been nice to you but 'a quality gent' he most certainly was not.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:46, Reply)

did he touch you monty :(

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:51, Reply)

That's just it - no!!!
The picky old cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:02, Reply)

According to evening thread stalwart The Disappointed, Saville had a penchant for skaggy, teen prostitutes.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:51, Reply)

I hear he liked to wank to byker grove.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:54, Reply)

The theme music has just the right rhythm.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:55, Reply)

He was an extremely unpleasant character
who was hard as nails (and a bodyguard and wrestler at one point) and a violent sadist who ruled 1960s Leeds clubland with Kray-like zeal. A proper scary man.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:04, Reply)

He did a lot of charity
and he kept his mums clothes after she died.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:11, Reply)

But he had a heart of gold and loved 'is mam.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:11, Reply)

I've been on that one for as long as I can remember.
The thing with it, is that it lasts about 12 hours, so if you wanna be normal by 8 the morning, you gotta take it at 8 at night.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:50, Reply)

This is the thing isn't it Gonz
theres nothing wrong with the sleeping pill itself, it;s just that Darth didn't bother to read the Patient Information Leaflet that came with it, or ask his physician, then he goes and blames the medication.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:56, Reply)

I suspect that it wasn't even his prescription that he took.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:57, Reply)

I suspect he's just a moaning old queen.
He's the reason the country's in this mess.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:03, Reply)

You should never read those things, you end up having every single side effect including death, 'cus you imagine it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:06, Reply)

I can't believe you would say that! My wife spends so much time writing those things, and people like you just ignore it.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:10, Reply)

Oh god, I have another complaint then, didn't realise she did that.
When the phamacist is cutting up the packets, sometimes you get little shards of the blisterpacket with only one pill in and they get caught under the piece of paper and I don't see it and throw it out and then I'm one tablet down which sounds like no big deal to the average person but when you're in my situation every single counts.

Anyway, yeah', if she could stop doing that, that would be great.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:14, Reply)

No she doens't do that, that's the pharmacists fault.
Blame them.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:24, Reply)

Your pharmacist must be retarded, try a different chemists

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:27, Reply)

I hope your plane crashes but you survive and get raped to death by a bear.
xxxxxx
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Thanks darling x

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:26, Reply)

no probs prick.
if you get the urge to send me a postcard just cram it up your cockend sideways instead.
xxxx
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:30, Reply)

You're a man after my own heart mmps.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:26, Reply)

He's after your sausage roll and gravy

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:34, Reply)

heart arse
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:37, Reply)

well yes, always.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:39, Reply)

Hullo handsome

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:41, Reply)

well hello there!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:43, Reply)

How's the family?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:50, Reply)

not dead!
yours?
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:51, Reply)

The same! What a small world
Oldest is back to school, youngest will be going in a week or so...end of an era. And I can't fucking wait.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:06, Reply)

WINNING!!!
more time to ignore the lady hats.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:07, Reply)

Oh yeah
She's about the place somewhere. About time she started grafting. Lazy cow.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:08, Reply)

After the scary squiff landing we had
I did a little searching to see if this was common (it is). It seems a 747 is designed to be able to land at up to 45 degrees crabwise and be fine, due to it being unable to roll that close to the ground as it bangs the outer engine into the floor, and people get upset if that happens.
YouTube shows this happening, brown trousers all round I bet.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:51, Reply)

link please.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:53, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlIRVIuv2lg
(Bazongaloid, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:55, Reply)

Ta
smartphone is hard to do YouTube links on
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:57, Reply)

My plane crashed and i died a horrible agonising death being burnt alive.
I couldn't get out of my seat to escape as I was jammed in by a big fat person. I watched as the fat boiled from their flesh before the flames engulfed me.
I'm alright now though.

I sleep fine, so I can't be of much help. Sorry. Maybe try bashing your skull against the wall a few times.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:52, Reply)

It's character building stuff, alright.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:56, Reply)

I like to dream I'm a horse and bon jovi feeds me sugar lumps.
he strokes my mane and tells me I'm a good horse.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:58, Reply)

Cor! Wouldn't that be something?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:58, Reply)

It sure would!
I always wake up with a raging hard on after those dreams.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:59, Reply)

A steel horse?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:59, Reply)

no, he bought me fairly.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:00, Reply)

You've been to Tenerife?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 9:58, Reply)

Alt: Lie on the edge of the bed...
YOU'LL SOON DROP OFF!!!!!!!!!!!LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!


/my dad
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:00, Reply)

I'm gonna say something controversial now.
Something I never thought I'd say. I'm not proud of it and I wish it were not true but I think that it's too important to ignore.

OK, here goes:

This is a really, really shit thread.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:07, Reply)

you're a really shit thread

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:08, Reply)

Both your face and your mum have won 'world's shittest thread' competitions several times over.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:09, Reply)

your mum's gunt won a gurning contest.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:10, Reply)

Your mum's gunt lost the gurning contest
because it was so sweaty, fishy and massive they couldn't get the horse collar over it so it was disqualified.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:11, Reply)

I now have a bit of sick in my mouth. Thanks.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:12, Reply)

could be worse, you could have some of the brwonish fluid that seeps from his mums gunt in your mouth.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:14, Reply)

:(

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:15, Reply)

your mum's gunt is that last working coal mine in britain.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:12, Reply)

YOUR mum's gunt
has mould spores and and an as-yet-undocumented species of grey-blue mushroom growing in its dank, clammy folds.

No offence, like.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:17, Reply)

all your mums gunts join together like a super gunt
that looks and smells like the shit daemon from dogma.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:18, Reply)

The veins rippling across your mum's kippery gunt
make it look like an Ordnance Survey map of Norfolk's canal system.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:20, Reply)

your mum's gunt is the most popular pothole destination in the west country.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:21, Reply)

Your mum's gunt has dripping stalactites in it which are regarded as a wonder of the natural world.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:25, Reply)

the greenish cheese substance that froths from your mum's gunt
is now considered a unique product by the EU.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:26, Reply)

OK you win.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:27, Reply)

I enjoyed that monty, let's do it again sometime.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:29, Reply)

Absolutely
I've not had a decent gunt-off in, oh, must be weeks now.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:34, Reply)

I heard your mum likes to suck his mum's stalactites until they give off their tasty discharge

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:27, Reply)

your mum's gunt is so large it has its own postcode.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:31, Reply)

Your mum's gunt has a lost tribe of shitty pygmies living in it, surviving off the late that oozes from her pours and the herds of amphibious scaley rats that have evolved there. Also Vanessa celts is in there masterbating with a stuffed cat
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:23, Reply)

"A SHIT DEMON!"

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:24, Reply)

It does seem to have cured his insomnia though.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:08, Reply)

I'm surprised at you Monty
I thought you had more class than that
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:09, Reply)

I am an enigmatic, chameleonic question mark of a man.
Just when you think you know me...BAM! I change. I'm the internet equivalent of David 'Bowie' Jones. Which way will I turn....? Not even I know that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:10, Reply)

Bent probably

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:15, Reply)

Someone has invented some prog rock awards, 30 years too late
I can only imagine the ceremony will be long, pretentious and the speaker will have to use two podiums at once
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:15, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:18, Reply)

Things are looking up already!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:19, Reply)

Yeah, I wondered what inspired that
And Genesis won, what a surprise. In terms of commercial success, it's pretty much between them and Pink Floyd, and Genesis have the egde because they're all still alive. The thing I don't get about these things is that people that actually like Prog couldn't give a flying fuck about these sort of things. So who are these awards for?
NONE OF IT MAKES ANY SENSE!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:22, Reply)

No, TH, U2 have the edge.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:26, Reply)

LTI now

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:27, Reply)

Actually I do have a lot of work to do.
Seeyalaterz
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:28, Reply)

Ahhhhahaha

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:29, Reply)

air cuba
what the shuddering fuck my friend was thinking when she booked air cuba, given that virgin flies to cuba, is a mystery to me.

it was a 40 year old retired russian plane. the safety instructions were all in russian, the seats were like concrete - for a LONG flight - and when i asked for a diet coke, the equivalent thing that was served came in a grey can with russian on the side of it. i swear it hissed at me when i opened it. and the contents were grey. unbelievably horrific.

cuba is awesome though. the food sucks; only holiday where i've ever lost half a stone in a fortnight.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:08, Reply)

Try flying to Lhasa over the himalayas in a post war Chinese prop. One of the windows was taped up with gaffer tape.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:11, Reply)

Maybe you should go back there instead of deliberatly starving yourself.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:12, Reply)

sorry, i couldn't hear you over my rumbling gut
+n before anyone else does it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:16, Reply)

should have packed some crackers and cheese.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:13, Reply)

i bought one of those giant sacks of mini toblerones for my dad in duty free on the way out
it nourished us for 2 whole weeks*

* may actually have lasted about 2 days
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:15, Reply)

Swipe on holiday

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:17, Reply)

leave your daughter out of this

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:18, Reply)

Lololololol

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:19, Reply)

I quite like the airline food, especially the breakfasts if you're leaving from the UK

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:15, Reply)

This confirms everything I suspected about your taste in food. Or lack of.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:16, Reply)

It's hardly smoked fois gras, but its better than McDonalds.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:18, Reply)

depends on the carrier gonz.
I don't really like having a small stale roll thrown at me by a fugly irish bint.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:17, Reply)

I think it more depends on the airport you're leaving from, tbh.
Thinking about it, I normally have about half of it, and then have some sushi from Marks'n'Sparks with it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:19, Reply)

I reckon you like the idea of it gonz but when you actually tuck in, it's shit.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:21, Reply)

Like fucking a fat chick when your drunk

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:25, Reply)

stop bullying gonz

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:27, Reply)

If Gonz is a chick then he/she's in more bother than we thought

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:29, Reply)

This is your wrongest ever post

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:18, Reply)

Are you stark raving mad?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:19, Reply)

Remember his guts hate him, I can only assume they've infected his brain as well

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:20, Reply)

Flying to France a few years ago
Mid flight, we hit a small air pocket, and the plane dropped. Fell for less than a second, but absolutely terrified me. Am now a nervous flyer, not good.

Alt: Reading anything by Darth.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:23, Reply)

Are you posting from the Atlantic sea floor?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:24, Reply)

Nope, Cheshire

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:25, Reply)

What's Cheshire doing on the bottom of the Atlantic?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:26, Reply)

Waiting for September to end

(Bazongaloid, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:28, Reply)

no way man, this is the best of the summer
Although I do have a nice new fair isle jumper I want to wear...

/bobby
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:30, Reply)

If you're Bobby then your new jumpber won't fit you as you're too fat.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:31, Reply)

Oh I meant /bArry

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:56, Reply)

Experiencing what it's like to go down on YM
Salty, fishy, and very very wet.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:29, Reply)

Good to know the HRT is working

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:30, Reply)

The truth is, nobody here has been killed in a plane crash, I doubt many people even know someone who's been killed in a plane crash, if you do get killed in a plane crash you know you end up on an island being chassed by The Others so you'll survive bein
g killed by a plane crash.

So really, it's not that bad.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:25, Reply)

I know it's hugely unlikely, and I'm far more likely to due in a million other ways
I just get nervous, it's very annoying.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:32, Reply)

A workmate of my dad's was killed in the Manchester runway fire back in 1985

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 6 Sep 2012, 11:08, Reply)

Stanstead to Riga on Ryanair.
That airline makes even a two hour milk run seem like the trials of Hercules. Crammed in, no space, no refreshment, uncomfortable chairs. I felt like I was on a cattle train. Never, never again. Ever.

Scariest experience was coming down at St John's, Newfoundland in a blizzard. The runway starts at the edge of a cliff and the plane was being buffeted about by the most extraordinary turbulence; the engines were frequently being gunned to stop us smashing into the cliff. When we actually landed on the ice and snow laden runway I swear to God we started slewing sideways.

Airline pilots being what they are, I suspect that guy had one hand on the stick, one wrapped around a cup of tea and half an eye on an air-stewardess' legs during that landing. I, however, have genuinely never been so certain that I was going to end up on the news.
( Kroney, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:25, Reply)

FINE

( Kroney, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:40, Reply)

I thought that was achingly beautiful, dude.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 10:44, Reply)