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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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NAME DROP! so last night i was at a party
chatting for ages to a really nice gay dude and his boyfriend. gay dude mentioned he had to get up at 3am as he works for radio 4. i just assumed he was a runner or something. turned out afterwards that his name is evan davis and he's actually quite famous. when did you last not get it?

alt: can you sing, or do you sound like a tom-cat being garrotted by knicker elastic?

altalt: last thing you cooked?
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:08, 170 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
OG doesn't get it all the time.
I'm pretty frigid.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:10, Reply)

I'm the turds I keep in the freezer are
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:12, Reply)
How do you not know what boss eyed gollum-a-like evan davis looks like?


alt: no

altalt: takeaway curry
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:11, Reply)
I don't know what he looks like, either.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:12, Reply)

i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/09/02/article-2032960-0C79B18A00000578-792_233x344.jpg
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:12, Reply)
Ohhh THAT guy.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:20, Reply)
i don't watch much tv and i never listen to radio 4
hence my ignorance. he's very funny. but he can't incentivise me to listen to people talking on the radio. the radio is for MUSIC.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:12, Reply)
Please note, incentivise is not a real word.
Incite is the English equivalent.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:46, Reply)
No it isn't.
That means something different.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:56, Reply)
It does in a world where you simply place "ise" on the end of a noun
to make a verb because you can't be arsed to learn the verb that is the original root of the noun.
Or if you want to sound grand in a presentation.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:02, Reply)
English is a living, evolving language.
You would sound like a prick in a presentation if you used incite in place of incentivise because it means something different.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:07, Reply)
OK, an example of where it wouldn't work please?

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:14, Reply)
"in place of incentivise"

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:15, Reply)
My comment was about Swipey's use of it so
I take it that IYO "can't incite me to listen" would be incorrect.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:17, Reply)
In that instance, 'incite' would be incorrect.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:19, Reply)
I'm afraid I must concede defeat to
an obviously superior argumentiser.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:54, Reply)
"Motivate" would be an acceptable substitute.
"Incite" would not.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:59, Reply)
Thank you Kroney
I assume he'd looked up the word 'incite' and tried to cover his error.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 12:06, Reply)
Also, adding the suffix -ise to form a verb is hardly a new concept.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:28, Reply)
Are you sure he was looking at you?
Also, how do you not know Evan Davies?
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:12, Reply)
I have to say I don't

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:13, Reply)
BUT HE'S A NATIONAL TREASURE
Nah, I only know him off of from the Dragon's Den programme on the 2nd BBC television station.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:14, Reply)
Although I do like to sing "He's got Evan Davis eyes" whenever I see him

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:16, Reply)
Yeah well I just had an order from 'Lesley West'.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:13, Reply)
fred's younger sister?

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:13, Reply)
Yes*



*no
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:15, Reply)
Legendary Mountain guitarist and epic fatcunt Leslie West has a similar name.
'LOL'
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:16, Reply)
LOL I GET THIS

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:24, Reply)
I have a lot of time for Mountain.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:25, Reply)
For Ever(est)

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:44, Reply)
Is he gay?
That's the one off Dragons' Den, isn't it?

Alt: dead cat all the way, sadly. I wish I could sing. Actually, considering I sing along to *everything*, I expect mr b3th wishes I could sing, too.

Alt alt: what do you think I am, some kind of domestic?
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:13, Reply)
i have found out this morning from my gobsmacked-at-swipe's-ignorance colleague that yes
yes he is.

altalt: forgot how to woman
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:14, Reply)
Darling, I'm ALL woman.
About two of them, by volume.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:16, Reply)
Hahah
"Sorry love, but I'm gay".

Brilliant.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:14, Reply)
It's amazing the number of gay guys I meet when I'm out.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:15, Reply)
I'd go straight for you B3th

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:16, Reply)
You see, that's clever on two levels

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:16, Reply)
most men go straight for the two levels

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:17, Reply)
altalt: Did myself a nice steak sandwich with Dijon Mustard
I tell you, that mustard must have been fucking amazing before October 2012, as it was still pretty nice.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:15, Reply)
urgh
you're as bad as my dad

me: but it says 'best before 2003'. throw it out.

him: it's fucking vinegar. they use it to store stuff in. it doesn't go off.

it's the opposite to me. ooh, a teaspoon has gone, best throw the whole lot away and open a brand new pot.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:17, Reply)
i hate waste, unless it's trying to crawl away, it's edible

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:17, Reply)
stuff is never as nice once it's been opened
my biggest loathing of all is toast crumbs in the butter/flora. SHUDDER.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:18, Reply)
I find it's usually a fuck sight nicer once it's been opened
as eating the packaging as well tends to impair the flavour somewhat.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:19, Reply)
What about apples, eh?
What about potatoes?
EH?
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:21, Reply)
i bet in a blind taste test you couldn't tell the difference

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:20, Reply)
i bet you i fucking could
i don't like being squeamish about food, but i really am :(
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:25, Reply)
Seriously, you're such an idiot.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:25, Reply)
it's lucky i know how much you love me

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:30, Reply)
Yeah, but some of the stuff you come out with boggles my mind.
How does somebody get so squicky over a few bread-crumbs in marge?
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:32, Reply)
because it's disgusting
someone else's second hand stale crumbs making it look all gross and icky... how can they not be bothered to do it properly and leave it nice for the next person? it's up there with pebbledashing.

RANK!
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:34, Reply)
So you're telling me that a few crumbs from scraping a knife across some toast,
that has not at any point been touched by human hands, is exactly the same as sharting all over the toilet walls?
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:36, Reply)
If I have a little butter left over on the knife, I'll scrape it off on the side of the butter dish to be used first next time.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:38, Reply)
that actually made me heave
:(
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:39, Reply)
I don't cross contaminate between butter/jam/whatever though
I give the knife a quick lick before putting it into something else.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:43, Reply)
I don't bother. I use the same knife for everything.
Sometimes I get them back out of the sink if I'm running short.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:44, Reply)
you might be joking
but this is precisely my fear.

part of it stems from the fact that i KNOW my brother used to swig out of all the milk/juice cartons when we were kids. urrrrrgh.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:45, Reply)
Is this bad?
I should maybe get a second "guest" juice carton.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:05, Reply)
not particularly.
Swipe is just a teeny bit mental.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:05, Reply)
I agree with Swipey
Keep your extraneous stuff out of the butter/marge. If I want butter/marge on my bread that's all I want - none of your second-hand crumbs/jam/marmite/whatever.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:36, Reply)
^ this guy gets it ^

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:38, Reply)
You realise all that this proves is you're a complete idiot
and not anything negative at all about LiC?
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:18, Reply)
A lot of people confuse 'best before' with 'use by'.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:19, Reply)
it's personal taste innit
if it has gone a funny colour, or had a bit of a crust around the sides of the jar or something, it will make me retch.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:20, Reply)
And both are meaningless
to anyone with more common sense than a labrador.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:20, Reply)
I agree with this
However, according to Bob Martin, a food safety expert at the FSA:
β€œIt's tempting just to give your food a sniff to see if you think it's gone off, but food bugs like E. coli and salmonella don't cause food to smell off, even when they may have grown to dangerous levels. So food could look and smell fine but still be harmful.”
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:24, Reply)
doesn't he make pet food?

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:25, Reply)
Precisely, so if anyone should know, it's him.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:26, Reply)
I had e coli once
so I'm a bit dubious when it comes to meat.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:25, Reply)
It's mustard
Good luck to anything trying to grow in that.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:28, Reply)
i was hoping you'd show up
and help me choose a type of protein powder xx
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:20, Reply)
haha. of course, sweetness.
Do tell me which you can't choose between?
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:21, Reply)
well, the gym has their own branded one, so it must be telling the truth
there is a muscle building one, a get lean one, a herbal detox one and one that i can't remember, but the writing was pink, so it would look best in my kitchen. what do you think?
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:24, Reply)
The pink one. Definitely.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:27, Reply)
that was my thinking too
if you listen carefully, you can just about hear the thud of badger's forehead hitting his desk
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:29, Reply)
You might as well choose it on the colour of the writing and it not clashing
there's fuck all else use it's going to be.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:06, Reply)
Go for the one with the best Woo Science!
Look out for key phrases like "full amino acid profile" or "chocolate flavour"
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:26, Reply)
A disclaimer that says
"You definitely just won't be shitting your money straight back out of your arse within half an hour!"
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:28, Reply)
that would certainly speed up weight loss
hmmmmm
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:28, Reply)
Just go and buy Whey powder

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:38, Reply)
I love a good bit of 'wayheyyyy powder'

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:39, Reply)
But not WAHEY! powder
as that goes up your nose.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:40, Reply)
MARR

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:41, Reply)
hahaha

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:17, Reply)
I've been married for eight years, so all the time :(
Alt: I can, but I'm not one of those cunts who does it all the time. It is strictly confined to the privacy of the home/rehearsal room or, on the rare occasions that I play a gig, the stage.

Altalt: Breakfast yesterday.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:19, Reply)
I once did the "Dying Fly" next to Chris Tarrant
Alt: I wouldn't dream of putting people through the torture of them having to listen to me attempt to sing

Alt:alt: Yesterday ,Cherry pies & Cherry crumbles, I didn't have any arrow root so I had to use corn flour as the thickening agent, turned out very nice if I say so myself.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:22, Reply)
You do realise that you post this pitiful yarn a good once a week, don't you?
I mean - it's hardly an epic tale along the lines of the Treworgey Tree Fayre of 1989 which I think I mentioned once.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:33, Reply)
If only I was old enough to have thought to cop a feel of Sally James
I still have fucking loads of cherries to try and get rid off
....it's totally FRUIT WOES :(
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:48, Reply)
You should totes start a thread about it.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:54, Reply)
I'll take a Pass on that one.....
It would only get stomped with a salted peanut thread
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:55, Reply)
I fucked one of the BBC Radio Gloucestershire presenters.
One night thing but she was pretty good actually.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:27, Reply)
It was Anna King, wasn't it?
news.bbc.co.uk/local/gloucestershire/hi/tv_and_radio/newsid_8173000/8173979.stm
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:29, Reply)
Johnny Coppin looks like a right rascal!

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:30, Reply)
Hmm she isn't on that page. Maybe she doesn't work there anymore

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:53, Reply)
Or was lying.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:54, Reply)
If I was lying I think would have picked something better than radio Gloucestershire

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:27, Reply)
I can't sing per se
But I can bang out a tune. Thankfully I play a lot of blues, which doesn't really require a good singing voice.

Altalt: Made some refried beans yesterday, and they were lavvly. Had them with my homemade salsa and homemade guac, tortilla chips and melted cheese. Aaaaand I think I've just figured out why my stomach is bad today.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:28, Reply)
Alt yes I can sing
altalt. I did slow cooked lamb shanks on a bed of turnip, potato, sweet potato, red onion, onion, parsnips and carrots. It was very nice.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:29, Reply)
turnips should be illegal
and swedes can fuck off with their ugly root relative
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:29, Reply)
^ once again you prove if proof be needed that you are a food-oaf.
Swede and carrot, mashed together with heaps of butter, back pepper and a little nutmeg, is a fantastic winter side dish.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:34, Reply)
it gets no more oaf-like than turnips
turnips are the oafs of the vegetable world
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:38, Reply)
Celery is the massive annoying prick of the vegetable world.
Turnips in a hearty stew = NOM
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:39, Reply)
i like celery
it's nice dipped into houmous or garlic dip or something

turnips are for oxen and goats
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:39, Reply)
no no no no no no
Celery is a big fucking ruiner that should be used for stock and fuck all else. Stringy horrible bastards.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:40, Reply)
i agree when you put it in something it takes over
but it's nice by itself. my friend likes it with peanut butter.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:42, Reply)
I quite like celery.
I also like turnip and swede.

More anecdotes soon!
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:46, Reply)
typical fence sitting

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:46, Reply)
I read that as Hartley stew :(

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:51, Reply)
In a slow cooker or in the oven on low?

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:06, Reply)
Oven on low
Though I do love my slow cooker it just wasn't big enough for the amount of food I cooked last night
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:27, Reply)
Alt: Yes I can sing - limited range though.
Altalt: Stir-fried noodles etc with slow-cooked Chinese-style pork.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:34, Reply)
Alt: I can sing reasonably well.
Altalt: dunno soz
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:37, Reply)
BLUESBANDBLUESBANDBLUESBAND

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:46, Reply)
Sorry, I only have a green sband left.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:50, Reply)
perfect

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:53, Reply)
OT's very own twang club.
I can play rhythm.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:50, Reply)
YEAH

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:53, Reply)
soz Krono, it's a power trio.
Although if you get yourself a Hammond organ you're in.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:59, Reply)
OT's Stuart Sutcliffe :(

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:02, Reply)
Talking of Sutcliffe, where's Battered today?

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:03, Reply)
*strikes through 'Stuart' but gets the Ripper's name wrong*

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:04, Reply)
This one ought to do it:
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1963-Hammond-B3-Organ-and-Leslie-Speaker-122-Very-Clean-/281132498434?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_2&hash=item4174cd7e02

You might have to pick it up from Canada though.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:04, Reply)
boy oh boy boy oh boy boy oh boy boy oh boy boy oh boy boy oh boy

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:04, Reply)
I KNOW!

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:08, Reply)
SEMEN PATEL

Just sayin
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:44, Reply)
SP

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:48, Reply)
Often, due to being a thick cunt
Alt:
A bit

AltAlt:
A rather excellent lamb Sunday dinner yesterday with Yorkshire puddings, roast potato, roast sweet potato, honeyed parsnips and carrots and savoy cabbage
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 10:51, Reply)
Almost identical to what I had
I hope you make your own Yorkies, rather than that Auntie Bessie's kack?
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:10, Reply)
Of course
They are a fucking abomnation

I've recently started using beef dripping instead of lard in the tins and this makes for tastier and bigger puds
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:21, Reply)
Yeah, I use dripping for my Yorkies and goose fat for the roasties. Can't go wrong.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:29, Reply)
The wife's cousin is dating a bonafide Hollywood star
can't tell you who though, but the women love him
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:03, Reply)
Omid Djalili?

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:05, Reply)
would.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:07, Reply)
is he big in Hollywood?

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:09, Reply)
he's big wherever he goes

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:12, Reply)
Oh, I don't know...he was only in a little movie called THE MUMMY
It's on ITV2 occasionally
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:14, Reply)
There's an ITV2 now?
Hells bells
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:21, Reply)
it basically proves everything that is wrong with television all in one cahnnel

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:21, Reply)
I switched the telly on, for the first time in ages on Friday night
It was all comedy panel shows.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:23, Reply)
Nowt wrong with a good comedy panel show
They don't have them in the US, that should indicate they're quality.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:26, Reply)
IRREGARDLESS

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:23, Reply)
Are you sure your not thinking of Dave

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:25, Reply)
Steve Buscemi?

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:07, Reply)
Almost!

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:08, Reply)
Steve Martin?

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:15, Reply)
Is is Paul?

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:10, Reply)
Arnold Vosloo?

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:15, Reply)
Alt: completely tuneless, which is a shame.
In fact I have not an artistic bone in my body which saddens me, but I make a good technician, which is something.

AltAlt: Quorn and mushroom Kroma at the weekend, which was very nice and I have left overs for lunch today.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:06, Reply)
gay curry is gay

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:08, Reply)
I don't want to go all WTN here
but that curry, basically, could not be gayer if it was served in a pink lamee bowl with John Barrowman's cock dipped in it.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:13, Reply)
lols

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:15, Reply)
I do tend to spice it up a bit beyond the usual for Korma, but not huge amounts.
But then I like to actually taste the incredients, I also have no need to prove my masculinity through the food I eat, but then I'm not a floppy-haired, pink chino wearing ponce.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:21, Reply)
It wasn't a criticism so much of the korma part of it
although, obviously, korma is a pudding, not a curry - but if you want to taste the ingredients, I'd strongly recommend not putting quorn in it. What with it specifically being manufactured to not taste of anything.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:30, Reply)
I kind of thought the point of a curry was all the spices they put in it.
And that a korma was a specifically invented, watered down version for people that couldn't handle the heat of those spices.

I was also under the impression that vindaloos and phaals were the ones invented for the idiots that need to prove their masculinity through food and not, say, a nice achari.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:33, Reply)
It's got cream and almond in it.
it's a pudding.

Vindaloo etc is of course a load of bollocks. That doesn't excuse Quorn, though.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:50, Reply)
I'm going to the Pompeii exhibition at the British Museum on Saturday.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:15, Reply)
i've heard it's magma-nificant

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:16, Reply)
It's as funny as the first time it was posted

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:17, Reply)
oh lava it out!"!!!!!!!!!!!

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:19, Reply)
i can't think of a pun for pyroplastic flow : (

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:20, Reply)
Vent your anger here

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:22, Reply)
i'm already angry at the dog for doing a molt on the floor

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:23, Reply)
You bent pyrospastic.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:22, Reply)
POTD

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:24, Reply)
Dont forget sidearse eruptions

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:24, Reply)
PLAY UP POMPEII, POMPEII PLAY UP!

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:17, Reply)
Hey Kroney was that teashop still there (the one behind the Hotel)?
if so did you have a cream tea there?
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:27, Reply)
Dunno, didn't see one. We only saw the beach-side.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:29, Reply)
I just realised last time I was there was 12 years ago

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:34, Reply)
Altalt. I have just made my daughter savoury pancakes with cottage cheese and broccoli. She's devouring it.

(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 11:38, Reply)
I get it quite a bit despite my alarming lack of common sense.
Yeah, and that.

Alt. I'm not bad. Depends on the song.

Altalt. Egg noodles with chicken and prawn in a wok with some Thai paste, tomato puree, chilli, veg and a splash of soy sauce. Was friggin lovely.
(, Mon 29 Jul 2013, 12:02, Reply)

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