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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Generic post Christmas/New Year threadBest/worst presents?
Best/worst time?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:07,
221 replies,
latest was 12 years ago)
Never mind all thatWhat is this abomination of an attempt at parody that Harters vomited onto qotw?
5.9.83.79/questions/christmastales/post2176239
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:08,
Reply)
Also, what's all this shit with Dozer?Either posting
'Alright' or 'Get fucked' all over the place.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:10,
Reply)
It's his post-ironic parodying of the banality of the written word on the internetHe's a prick
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:16,
Reply)
Tedious & banal?Yes. I suppose it is.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:19,
Reply)
Best time: New Years EveWorst time: New Years Day
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:09,
Reply)
Someone replaced my wife over ChristmasShe bought me beer and fucked me blind. I said "Who are you? and what have you done with my wife?"
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Peej, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:27,
Reply)
Best present was a track day in an Aston from the missus.Didn't get any bad ones. Got some new shirt studs and cufflinks, a couple of books and a shit-ton of food and drink. Well happy.
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Kroney, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:17,
Reply)
I did one of those a while agoGreat fun but doesn't last long
(just like me up to the back wheels in YM)
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:19,
Reply)
She did a fair bit of research before buying it to make sure I got the most time behind the wheel I could.It seems to vary depending on the package you buy.
I am looking forward to leaving a long line of terror-piss on the track, to mark my progress.
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Kroney, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:21,
Reply)
I also got a run round the track in a Focus ST by the instructorFucking brilliant and terrifying in equal measure!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:30,
Reply)
It'll be fun finding out just how dreadfully shit I really am.(
Kroney, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:35,
Reply)
good morning fellow postersAnd a special cuddle for Battered. Everyone's favourite forum contributor.
(, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:19, Reply)
and you too2014 is already better than 2013. It started with red wine and a roast beef lunch with the promise of shed
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:23,
Reply)
Dearest RSo wonderful to hear that your new year has started with such happiness. I do so hope that this happiness is sustained throughout the year, and you continue to be blessed with such bliss and joy.
Forever yours,
FMD-S (Ret.)
(, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:26, Reply)
\o/I have shed joy too! Mine is being delivered soon
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:20,
Reply)
Shed fact: 8' x 6' is the most common size. A shed should last 25-30 years if well maintained and regularly treated.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:23,
Reply)
My first shed will only be 4' by 6'But this is really only to store garden tools in. The bigger shed will come later
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:24,
Reply)
I don't have a shed, but I do have a cellar. At least now I have the resource to choose the right shed for me.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:27,
Reply)
Dearest FI feel I must take this opportunity to wish you felicitations upon the commencement of this new year, and I humbly pray the Lord will bless you with a wondrous twelve months to come.
Warmly yours,
FMD-S (Ret.)
(, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:29, Reply)
I want a cellar, I wonder what kind of planning permission you need to build one under your shed.(
Peej, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:56,
Reply)
I don't think you need planning permission to extend down.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:58,
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Yeah, cos digging up foundations of a house doesnt cause ANY problems(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:10,
Reply)
gah, that was about the cheapest oneoh well, makes your birthday easy...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:36,
Reply)
You're going to buy him a shed for his birthday?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:40,
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nohis Christmas presents were joint ones. do keep up!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:51,
Reply)
joints make the best christmas presents(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:58,
Reply)
Best present: a Charles Mingus LPWorst present: a shit Christmas jumper
Best time: It was all pretty good really apart from:
Worst time: Spending most of the 27th squirting a foul gravy from my bottom.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:28,
Reply)
Dearest TI do so love you.
With the sincerest regards of the month,
Your devoted friend,
FMD-S (Ret.)
(, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:30, Reply)
Dear FMD-S (Ret.)I thank you warmly for your kind words.
You know that the feeling is mutual.
I do hope that our friend Battered prefers your latest approach to posting words on the internet.
Forever yours,
T
xx
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:34,
Reply)
The best approach would be for him to stop posting.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:38,
Reply)
D'you think Nakers will stick to his resolution to stop posting?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:39,
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My dearest TI cannot express strongly enough how gladdened I was to receive your letter.
I am of course warmly looking forward to receiving the approval (and digital ministrations) of our beloved mutual friend, B.
I shall of course wing you a fond epistle upon receiving this marvellous news.
With eternal admiration and fondest respect,
FMD-S (Ret.)
(, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:40, Reply)
There were no lols in my bathroom :((
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:35,
Reply)
On the 3rd day of Christmas, bad guts gave to mean arse that pisses rusty
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:46,
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Hmmmm Best - Several awesome books, Worst - Can't think of one to be honest. Didn't get anything I considered shit.
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Peej, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:29,
Reply)
Just leave it at home before visiting sporto's mum(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:39,
Reply)
Someone bought me a copy of William Shakespeare's Star Wars - Verily, A New HopeIts actually pretty good
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Peej, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:40,
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Get thee behind me Santa(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:47,
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Oh manYou got a vicious bumming for Christmas too?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:47,
Reply)
Bummings are for life, not just for Christmas(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:20,
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Crimbo day was good.Daytime volunteered at homelezz drop in, served food and played board games. Acab driver turned up and gave away tins of lager and packets of cigs to the clients, blesz.
Evening, with mates, and a sneaky back passage entrance to the juicer.Ym's back passage was busy. Why is dozer being polite?
(, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:58, Reply)
Dearest PMay I take this opportunity to offer you such heavenly regards and sincere wishes of a warm and successful year to come.
With ongoing friendship and respect,
FMD-S (Ret.)
(, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:04, Reply)
Dearest and fondest PI do so hope that you will reconsider this decision and do of course visit the historic and beautiful city of York.
If I may be so bold as to offer, the first glass of sherry is at my personal expense.
With fondest thoughts,
FMD-S (Ret.)
(, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:07, Reply)
all my presents were lovelybut at the risk of sounding bent, i prefer giving to receiving, so I got a lot of pleasure out of the bloke's face when he saw his presents and my niece's amazement when her (ghastly retarded looking) battery operated horse started trotting and neighing.
new year's day was easily the worst. it was 9pm before I felt better. stupid champagne cocktails. stupid vodka. urgh.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:17,
Reply)
for the millionth time I'm not going to sleep with you.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:24,
Reply)
he's been doing it since he was 14, apparently(but never since he turned 20)
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:36,
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I done myself a michief and spent Christmas Eve Eve 'till the friday at the Royal Free.It's OK though, I'm still pooing out my bumhole.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:22,
Reply)
Over Christmas now that Im back at my desk and hating life.I'm going for a lottery win this year, or something similar since the lottery is just stupidity tax.
I did have a couple of good nights out though. Got some nice gifts that will keep me in the kitchen. Including a cook book from the other half. That's me in my place.
alt. Alright?
altalt. Shit off.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:23,
Reply)
I won 25 smackeroonies the other week, that was a turn up for the book.I did some Good Deeds so thought i'd see if there is anything to this karma thing and it turns out it can happen.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:25,
Reply)
My presents were great*Daughters got practical stuff (they're both in their 20s and need things for their houses) and were highly delighted, G/F got a tablet to drag her into the 21st century and, to my amazement, she's actually started using it!
Best time? Christmas day, excellent meal with nary a speck of turkey in sight.
Worst time? G/Fs niece went into labour 6 weeks early. All went well though
*If you judge how people see you by the presents they buy , then I'm badly dressed and I smell.
(, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:25, Reply)
My turkey was fucking lovelyas was the full salmon I cooked on Boxing Day
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:26,
Reply)
Turkey and lamb on Xmas DaySalmon for Boxing Day
Roast beef for New Years Day
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:32,
Reply)
Goose. FTW. To nurse my hangover yesterday I had Heinz beans and sausages on toast. I had forgotten how good this is. slathered with Worcester.
(, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:32, Reply)
Heinz beans and sausage is a wonder(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:33,
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Correct choiceMacaroni cheese on a hangover would have you barfing all over the place
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:35,
Reply)
A tin of macaroni cheese?What the...?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:39,
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my American friend introduced me to this when we were at junior school have never seen it since
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:40,
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Heinz make itNot exactly hard to find
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:41,
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I never buy tinned food this is probably why I've never seen it!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:47,
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I had some the other day.Proper comfort food. I'd forgotten how nice it was.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:41,
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I keep one of their tinned breakfasts in the back of the cupboard for "crawling on hands and knees wishing for death" hangovers.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 12:03,
Reply)
We went for a buffet-type thingI cooked a crispy aromatic duck which we had with pancakes etc. Thinking about it, I haven't had any turkey this Christmas.
(, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:32, Reply)
I bought 1kg of BrieI am sick of Brie
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:32,
Reply)
with the last of my Coca Cola ham though(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:34,
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It is indeedI've kept the remainder of the "glaze" and may do a beef/black bean dish with it in
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:36,
Reply)
only when it's 12pm and I'm full of alcoholic vomit (
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:39,
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it was life or death crisps and coke cure most hangovers. the Doritos helped. but I was still ropier than your dad wearing your mum's pants and lipstick.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:46,
Reply)
It took me three days to recover from Boxing Day. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:48,
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if only you'd had fiery chilli Doritos for breakfast...(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:51,
Reply)
Hny all. Got a guitar, which I can't playand Sonos speakers, which I can play.
(Only posting so Plummy will say sufin nice to me xx)
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edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:33,
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I can't get over how good it isnot being a real HiFi buff of course.
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edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:37,
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My mate has one linked into a NAS, his PC, his iPad and SpotifyCan send two different tunes to different parts of the house at the same time. I NEED THIS
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:39,
Reply)
Never mind the speakers!What guitar did you get? I NEED TO KNOW!!!!!
(, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:41, Reply)
Is a generic acoustic starter kit wossname.I happened to say my one regret was that I never learned an instrument.
At 69.5 years old I never expected her indoors to go buy me one!
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edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:42,
Reply)
It's an acoustic - phew!I had the dreadful thought you had one of those ghastly electric things!
(, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:43, Reply)
I got 2 Play 5s and it does all that plus two channel stereo.Anyone coming to your house can play their music on it within thirty secs of downloading app. It can get competitive.
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edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:41,
Reply)
I had headaids all over xmas and new yearwhich I'm only just about shut of now.
My best presents were my combined birthday/xmas presents of my shiny new phone and my shiny new tattoo. Luckily, I still love both.
I was also working most days through the holiday, which was fun. Two more shifts today and tomorrow, and then I'm off till the 15th. Hurrah.
Also, mr b3th's birthday on Monday, so I might have to buy him something in the sales.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:39,
Reply)
Is it a life-size face pic of Terry Wogan on her chest?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:42,
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People with birthdays early in January should fuck off and just accept that they are probably not going to get a present anywhere near on time.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:41,
Reply)
We people with birthdays in December have had to get used to 'combined' presents.Otherwise known as 'generally a shit return on buying other people a birthday AND a xmas present'.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:43,
Reply)
Combined presents should be banned. Or I'm going to start doing the same for people with Summer birthdays.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:44,
Reply)
you shouldn't have been hatched so close to Christmas following which people are skint and on detoxes and diets
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:45,
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he'd be the first to complain about it I've been hearing that complaint all my bloody life
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:48,
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^this.My biggest gripe with that has always been that my brother, the late lamented poster of this parish, has a birthday near easter. No-one ever gave him an easter egg and said 'and that's for your birthday too'.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:46,
Reply)
Sometimes my birthday presents are wrapped in Xmas paper too, that's shoddy.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:48,
Reply)
It doesn't sound like a problem at all.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:50,
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It amazes me why people have difficulty with December and January birthdays.It's not like it comes as a surprise - it's the same date every year.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:52,
Reply)
laziness/not giving a fuck are not the same as difficulty, I suspect...(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:53,
Reply)
I hope you like your doctored Xmas card for your next birthday.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:52,
Reply)
it'll be better than the card I got for the last one (
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:53,
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I know. And it's not like you got much for your birthday so it's okay to complain about a piece of paper.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:55,
Reply)
Sportscalf 1 is 7 in a fortnightBad timing
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:42,
Reply)
Just leaving this for Stunned and Kroneywww.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24348691
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:42,
Reply)
I have head gout, currently. I'm all run down from my NYE hangover. Blocked up nose, bad throat etc.
Gout isn't to be laughed at :(
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Kroney, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:59,
Reply)
"ageing soaks - red-faced Dickensian gluttons, paying the price for years of uncompromising excess"Cheeky bastard.
(, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 12:04, Reply)
It's alright mate, your face isn't *that* red(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 12:05,
Reply)
And then there's this:"More depressing for me was the list of goodies I ought to avoid, thrown up by even the most cursory surf of the web - red meat, asparagus, spinach and mushrooms for a start."
Steak with asparagus, spinach and mushrooms sounds delicious.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 12:09,
Reply)
Oh don't worry, he is still very much a prick.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:49,
Reply)
+ it took me two or three attempts and still wasn't particularly coherent after that(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:56,
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I precerre wben he gets it right the first time.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:57,
Reply)
Katy Perry's adult follow up single....(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 12:15,
Reply)
It's bollocks Sporters, I done a RT and never got my leopard :((
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 12:19,
Reply)
BollocksMy first ever tweet too
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 12:20,
Reply)
I should have...hahahah....SPOTTED IT!(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 12:22,
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(, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 12:23, Reply)
Best: Bottle of Irish Whisk(e)yWorst: "I just touched my genitals" brand hand sanitizer.
Best time: 28th up in Brum, saw all my mates and got fed and drunk and played amusingly horrible party games.
Worst time: 11am New Years Day. That wasn't fun.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 12:12,
Reply)
TaTyrconnell if you know it. I enjoyed a glass or 5 on New Years Eve.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 12:24,
Reply)
I read this in an Arnie voiceYou're coming with me
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 12:26,
Reply)
I got £100 to spend at ticketmasterSo I need to check out who's on tour this year.
I got a stupid christmas jumper and a truly shit secret santa gift that someone though was well LOL.
Last year my brother and sister-in-law got me some tacky shirt that the brother-in-law openly admitted he'd bought for himself but found out it didn't fit when he got it home. They got me alcohol this year, which is what any right-minded person should do when they're a giftspazz.
(, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 12:15, Reply)
My dearest Mdme Sportscow,Get fucked.
Sincerely,
V.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 12:40,
Reply)
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