Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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NOT A TRAIN THREAD!!! WORST OF ALL THE THREADS!!!Morning internet nerds, sad lonely bastards, work shy incompetents, reprobates and dildoheads. Alright?
What's today got in store for you, eh?
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 7:37,
230 replies,
latest was 12 years ago)
alright froggychopsToday holds more compliance work. I will also be ridiculously good looking throughout the day.
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 7:59, Reply)
cool im exporting customer/supplier records, stock files and discounts by product group to send to a software company for a demonstration of an exciting new business and knowledge management package(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:04,
Reply)
today I will be dealing with a complaint with potential redress of six figures. well into six figuresNeed to get that shit fobbed off yo.
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:10, Reply)
truly enthralling. you must be dead important and im sure everyone is impressed with the power and authority you wield.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:12,
Reply)
How exactly is having to give some geezerhis money back powerful?
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edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:20,
Reply)
we aren't having to give any money backAt least, nowhere near as much as that.
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:21, Reply)
Are you in charge of, or within this team?(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:29,
Reply)
actually yeah its got blue led lights so it must be good(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:41,
Reply)
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lancashire-26533314
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d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:34,
Reply)
I'm installing an ISIS server at work, thanks for askingSo yesterday we recovered files of this girls laptop which included a handful of pictures of her giving her boyfriend a swipey in the middle of the library. Good lass! We have cctv in there, I might try and find out when it happened and get the video.
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Peej, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:04,
Reply)
have you posted them on the internet yet?(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:05,
Reply)
No, being a non creepy internet weirdo pervert I just fixed her laptop and gave it back. (
Peej, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:32,
Reply)
oh, i though you were one. i was sure of it.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:36,
Reply)
yeah thats what i was thinking of actually(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:56,
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And anyway, what sort of perv seeks out videos of ginger women getting shat on?(
Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:42,
Reply)
Post it on Question for the fortnight.You could get 200 replies.
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edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:34,
Reply)
I would quite like dildo horns rather than have a dildo unicorn. I'd get holly wollobigy and Katie Hopkins to sit on my head at the same time.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:15,
Reply)
I don't know, everyone would want a go and I might get gelatinous chewy quim in my eyes. (
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:33,
Reply)
Walking the dog, sunshine and 1500 or so more words on my course to do.(
Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:16,
Reply)
Alright.Fitting a ventilation unit up a loft.
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edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:21,
Reply)
Ashally a Nuaire but Expelaire is better known, maybe.(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:40,
Reply)
A nod's as good as a wink to a blind horse Froggy.(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:50,
Reply)
Morning FrogToday is mostly normal, aside from a 2 hour train journey after work.
How is the fog round your area? Fucking mental in Macclesfield, could barely see out my window this morning.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:30,
Reply)
I could see nothing on the train in, I can't see the other side of the road at work. I like it.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:31,
Reply)
Lovely sunny day in the privileged north.(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:37,
Reply)
I can only just make out buildings across the road, it's a bit freaky(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:04,
Reply)
come on two hats you can do better than that. (
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:37,
Reply)
I had an interview for my dream job yesterday. Basically if I get it I'll be making loads of really cool shit, and my job title would change to "Full Stack Developer and Creative Technologist"30% wage increase for doing what I'd do for free as a hobby anyway, just off oxford street which is an ace place to work too
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:40,
Reply)
Please come and work for me free, as a hobby.(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:41,
Reply)
Can I have an Office Dog? That would sway me. (
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:47,
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RIGHT IN THE KISSER(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:35,
Reply)
Got an enormous bag of salted almonds from an Iranian customer, so I'm gonna spend the day working my way through that.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:46,
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almonds are the shittest in any mix you fool(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:55,
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Oh I won't bother eating them then(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:58,
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no you should, im sorry i wasnt clear that that was merely my opinion and not a fact(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:58,
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I didn't think I liked almonds, but it turns out if they are unpeeled and liberally coated in salt, they're alright(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:04,
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i disagree, they are wank wanky wanky wank wank(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:05,
Reply)
Iranian wanky wanky wank wank juice is deliciously salty though(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:07,
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Fresh almonds straight from the tree are a revelation (
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:06,
Reply)
Cf. WalnutsShit out of a packet from the supermarket, delicious straight off the tree
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:08,
Reply)
Candle light and soul forever,A dream of you and me together,
Say you believe it, say you believe it,
Free your mind of doubt and danger,
Be for real don't be a stranger,
We can achieve it, we can achieve it
Come a little bit closer baby, get it on, get it on,
'Cause tonight is the night when two become one
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:15,
Reply)
Cashews are the worst Stoopid non crunchy tasteless pricks
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:04,
Reply)
cashews are among the best you philistine(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:04,
Reply)
NUT CHATI'm wondering if it merits its own thread, where we get to decide once and for all the hierarchy of nuts and legumes.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:06,
Reply)
Battered only has oneIt's a miracle he managed to procreate
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:12,
Reply)
We don't know that it's definitely his(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:14,
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Those from here who have met her would agree that she looks too much like me for her to be anyone elses. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:19,
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Could be Zammo from Grange Hill's(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:20,
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im sure he died before she was born, the junkie prick(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:21,
Reply)
I'll be using my dildohead to violate your mum for a paying audienceFoggy innit?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:47,
Reply)
its not as foggy as it was though, so thats good news(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:55,
Reply)
It is indeed "news"I have a lunch out today, I might have a beer or two. Problem is then I don't get any work done
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:58,
Reply)
why do today what you can put off until tomorrow(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:03,
Reply)
Off to work now so be nice to each otherand how about a nice thread for when I return?
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edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:52,
Reply)
Morning. Usual shit really.Have you fucking cheered up? Actually, we have the alcohol dependency team in today, that's always fun :(
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:57, Reply)
i dont need to cheer up, my whole vibe is being a moody cunt, its what i do best and feel most comfortable being(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 8:58,
Reply)
did somebody report you?Is it an intervention? We're here for you, doc.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:08,
Reply)
Bananas, apples, and a cup of coffee with a hint of burnt plastic, for breakfast.Then ... dunno. Work lol
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:06,
Reply)
I am fucking starvingNo one has ever been this hungry before :(
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:07,
Reply)
Would you like a banana?(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:25,
Reply)
Just been asked to fill in some nonsense about alcohol use. Apparently the CAT, want to nosey round us, as well as their clients. How muchdo you drink, as a matter of interest?(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:06, Reply)
sometimes more or indeed less at the weekends, alright? good.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:08,
Reply)
He can't drink more cos it interferes with his anti bloo bloo medication(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:10,
Reply)
Are you saving up the prescriptions for a trip to KFC? (
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:17,
Reply)
i dont have it anymore and havent for 6 months +(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:20,
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tbh i dont think i should have been prescribed stuff so quickly anyway but thats another story we can discuss at our candlelight dinner(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:22,
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Sounds goodDon't tell tangiers though, he'll be heartbroken
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:23,
Reply)
he will forget because of the memory loss and psychosis associated with long term ganja usage(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:24,
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It's not a case of being weak, it's a case of being too strong for too long. You wouldn't say anything to anyone wearing a cast.... etc etc(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:38,
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I drink more often than I used to, but get pissed/binge far less(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:08,
Reply)
I think it's the best way...Tbh I don't have the energy for a hangover, not with a toddler who's up at 6:30
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:11,
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^ this. Binge drinking is boring & for kids. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:13,
Reply)
I never drink more than half a bottle of scotch or 2 bottles of wine a nightthat's ok innit
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:13, Reply)
Plus the chemicals in a lot of the cheap drink are worse for you than the alcohol itselfcf. Stella, might as well drink bog cleaner
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:40, Reply)
Which chemicals are there in Stella?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:45,
Reply)
I dont care what anyone saysI like Stella
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:47,
Reply)
I can understand having a preference for 'real ale' over lager, but Lokesy gets a bit tinfoil-hatted over some of these thingsThere are no evil nasty chemicals in Stella, unless you categorise alcohol in that way
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:52,
Reply)
Would you rather have four pints of 4% or three pints of 5%?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:56,
Reply)
given how much i piss, 3 of 5% would suffice.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:57,
Reply)
but im also always thirsty, i dont know what to do!(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:01,
Reply)
fingers crossed! i may have had a 20 minute lecture on getting it checked last night....(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:09,
Reply)
Well you've just checked with the internet - job done!(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:10,
Reply)
numb foottingling hands
constant raging camel-like thirst (and eyelashes)
constant pissing
if you don't want moar lectures, you'll do as you're told.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:14,
Reply)
A good pint of Stella is a very good pint.(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:57,
Reply)
Not sure, but it sure smells and tastes chemical, like there's industrial detergent in it.Probably cos it's made round London, the imported Belgian stuff doesn't have the nasty chemical aftertaste and is pretty good stuff as a result (but more expensive).
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:51, Reply)
Perhaps your local doesn't clean the beer lines out properly?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:53,
Reply)
It has been knownbut even the bottled stuff tastes a bit chemical to me.
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:58, Reply)
So what you're saying here isthat you're making libellous remarks against a major manufacturer based on absolutely no evidence whatsoever other than "I don't like it."
Sound strategic move there, lokers.
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Kroney, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:04,
Reply)
About a bottle of wine. Usually two thereof shared with the doris. Punctuated by evenings off.I also don't usually get shitfaced anymore.
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Kroney, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:37,
Reply)
That's none of your.... oh wait, it's exactly your buisness.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:42,
Reply)
It depends TBHThis week has been 0 units but other weeks will be 3-4 bottle of beer a night or a bottle of red
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:44,
Reply)
At my full pomp I was doing 140+ a week. Now I am very respectable 50 ish.
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:46, Reply)
I was probably close to that during my "days"Now I'm a boring old cunt, not so much
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:59,
Reply)
Very little during the weekinterferes with the early starts. Mainly Fri/Sat nights maybe a bottle of red and/or some beer & whisky.
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:46, Reply)
Nah he probably shoplifted the booze. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:54,
Reply)
Bout 2 bottles of wine on a weekend. Mybe with a small bottle of cider or something.If im out though it's generally binge drinking spirits.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:55,
Reply)
30-40 units probablyeasy enough to work out when I was drinking wine - 1 bottle = 10 units-ish. Now I'm drinking more whisky than wine I have no clue.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:11,
Reply)
mine is pretty tragic reallyquite often I go weeks without drinking anything at all, and very seldom drink more than 2 nights a week anyway. i'd say on average 0-5, rising to about 10 at a push on occasions.
next weekend in Bristol may increase this month somewhat.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:16,
Reply)
I'm getting my car back this weekend.It's hard to over-stress how excited I am about this. I've been without it for about a month, now.
Yeah I know, I know, everybody hates car chat. I'm just excited. Also we booked a short break to Marseilles and I find out my brother's having a baby boy.
It's a good week to be Kroney, yo.
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Kroney, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:35,
Reply)
What was wrong with the car?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:42,
Reply)
Well, first of all, I was always planning on getting the engine worked on.Plans were brought forward when a piston ring went. Instead of simply getting it repaired or a straight replacement, I went full bore.
The engine's been bored out, cammed, a flowed head put on, a specially designed manifold installed and it'll be tuned and tweaked once it's run in. It'll be putting out about 190bhp per ton, at a conservative estimate.
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Kroney, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:48,
Reply)
:)There are people who'll talk about this stuff all day long. You're lucky I'm relatively tight lipped.
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Kroney, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:50,
Reply)
It is shit and old and he should have bought a decent version of it rather than the clapped out death trap that he did buy
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:14, Reply)
Yep, I amWent for a 10k run yesterday and managed to slightly brush past some dry pointy weeds on the way back. Split a 2" gash in my leg somehow but didnt notice until I'd got home. I wondered why people were getting out of the way of the sweaty fat cunt with blood pouring down his thigh
Today will be coffee based
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:42,
Reply)
Apparently so, yesMore like some kind of pointy dried grass.
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:48,
Reply)
Did that description make you want to fuck his gash?(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:48,
Reply)
I just didn't think it would happen so soon, but I know what I have to do.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:52,
Reply)
If it had been Placid it would have been 'bollockhead with a fanny leg'.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:55,
Reply)
As your shit internet doctor, i fiagnose a 'cut', and suggest a plaster.(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:53, Reply)
i love the good doctors spelling, i really do(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:00,
Reply)
Doc, what do you think of my 140+ units a week? Bet you've never had someone say that before?
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 9:56, Reply)
Innit, bruv. 140+ was the old days in the City. Hasn't been like that for a long time.
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:02, Reply)
I can't even picture what that is in real terms.By real terms I mean "bottles of wine/pints".
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Kroney, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:05,
Reply)
2 bottles of 13.5% wine a night(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:06,
Reply)
Or about 9-10 pints a night(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:07,
Reply)
I probably average about half that and I feel like I should probably cut down.(
Kroney, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:08,
Reply)
What is the worst you've encountered?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:09,
Reply)
Hahaha. I knew you'd say that. Proper whisky/vodka pissheads must be on several hundred a week.
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:09, Reply)
My old man was doing a bottle to two bottles of whisky a day, at his worst.And by "worst", I mean Bell's. Man had no taste whatsoever.
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Kroney, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:11,
Reply)
That's considered light drinking in his profession though, isn't it?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:12,
Reply)
I wonder how many units he was doing a week?Been sober for 4 years now though
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:25,
Reply)
his photos are stunningthe ones he takes, I mean
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:26,
Reply)
I remember him saying he used to top up his starbucks coffee with vodka in the mornings(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:27,
Reply)
2+ bottles of vodka, daily, litre ones, and a few 'social' pints. and a few bottles of vino for the evening. Abssolutely amazing, kept that up for a few years. shes fine now(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:10, Reply)
You're making me feel a fuck-ton better about my intake, that's for sure.(
Kroney, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:11,
Reply)
There's always someone who drinks more than youChoose your yardstick wisely
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:13,
Reply)
That's why you married her!(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:13,
Reply)
Crikeyespecially as women's tolerance is only supposed to be 2/3 of men's, that's phenomenal to do that and still be alive.
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:13, Reply)
alcohol dependents are amazing people, really, their bodies actually adapy(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:15, Reply)
isn't that why winehouse carked it?too long being dependent, cut it off too soon instead of weaning off it, then went back on it and couldn't cope?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:17,
Reply)
you have to reduce gradually, or do it with drugs. one patient died from smothering, he had a fit and suffocated in his sweat drenched sheet. tragic, only in his 20s(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:19, Reply)
I was told alkies can't just go cold turkey. Not sure if this is right.
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:27, Reply)
I read somewhere that the withdrawals can be enough to set off some pre-existing weakness.Like a dicky ticker, par example
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Kroney, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:29,
Reply)
she actually never seemed all that pissed really. i threatened to call the police on her when i found she was still driving(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:16, Reply)
The human body is wonderful instrument. When I was a broker, we all drank Stella or Kronenbourg. Would do 4 at lunch and 4 in the evening before either going home or out. All additional drinking was on top of that so people were easy doing 140+ a week. It adds up really quickly, Stella is 3 units a pint!
(, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:14, Reply)
The liver's an extraordinary piece of engineering.You really have to go at it to kill the thing. It's like Wolverine, otherwise.
(
Kroney, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 10:30,
Reply)
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