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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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morning, dickholes
who fancies a greasy spoon until the pubs open?
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:00, 171 replies, latest was 10 years ago)
up yours, dickface

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:08, Reply)
shit on it, moser

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:13, Reply)
It's covered in biscuit crumbs

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:21, Reply)
I'm in

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:10, Reply)
bosh

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:14, Reply)
No beans on mine - I'll have extra mushrooms

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:29, Reply)
controversial

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:38, Reply)
Beans are awful
I'd like black pudding too* - cooked crisp on the outside.

*strikethroughs in 3, 2, 1......
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:00, Reply)
Captain Placid likes puddings, to have crispy?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:04, Reply)
*golf clap*

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:08, Reply)
fucking hell m8

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:56, Reply)

3, 2, 1 my botty
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:08, Reply)
nah mate

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:14, Reply)
thank fuck

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:14, Reply)
fuck off dozers

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:21, Reply)
No. Stick something up your own bum. I've got a headache

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:31, Reply)
Black pudding with mine

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:31, Reply)
*offal breakfast fistbumps*

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:38, Reply)
What's the vegetarian breakfast like?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:51, Reply)
it's a boiled egg and a look of absolute contempt

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:56, Reply)
The vegan option is a good kicking

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:21, Reply)
they'd enjoy that
anything would be a blessed relief from bean sprouts and quinoa
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:32, Reply)
mine's a blueberry muffin with decaffeinated green tea

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:57, Reply)
You disgust me

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:58, Reply)
fucking hell

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 8:59, Reply)
maybe a nice pomegranate half as well

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:09, Reply)
I like pomegranates.
But still ... fucking hell
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:20, Reply)
might even have a small portion of all bran

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:22, Reply)
no wonder swipe fancies you
you'd make a lovely co-dependent anorexic couple
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:33, Reply)
on Sunday I had organic poached eggs with steamed asparagus

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:48, Reply)
I hope you fucking die, slowly, horribly and painfully
I hope that in the unlikely event that anyone exists who cares for you, that they find you and are forced to clean up the mess left by your gruesome death.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:09, Reply)
I like this.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:18, Reply)
Enjoy the bash?

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:22, Reply)
Yes. Was a good laugh.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:21, Reply)
I don't like baked beans. A friend made me beans on toast for breakfast after I'd stayed over.
I felt it would have been rude to refuse and so I ate it. That I have manners is scant comfort in the face of the extreme and long lasting PTSD they have inflicted.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:17, Reply)
^^^ Beanwrong

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:21, Reply)
WHY DOES NOBODY CARE ABOUT MY LIVING NIGHTMARE?

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:21, Reply)
I care Kroney. Baked beans on toast is for Povvos, Kids and Cunts.

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:23, Reply)
This weekend I had leek and mustard sausages with red onions in a nice ciabatta.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:34, Reply)
you know what they say about people who put vegetables in sausages, right?

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:36, Reply)
I do not.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:39, Reply)
Neither do I.
I want to know who "they" are too.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:42, Reply)
Ill be honest PJ, I reckon he's got nothing.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:43, Reply)
they say that they're pork-dodging cunts
that's what THEY say
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:46, Reply)
The sausage also had pork in it.
I didn't think that needed to be spelled out. I'm a proper man, not some sallow skinny armed Tangles-a-like.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:49, Reply)
Its better and more socially acceptable than putting your sausage in a vegtable?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:43, Reply)
*applause*

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:02, Reply)
I didn't like Coffee but in Japan I was given a cup of coffee and thought I would drink it to be polite and found I loved it
When I got back to Blighty I went out and bought a jar of coffee and discovered it was just as fucking shit as I remembered. What I actually discovered is I had been given shit coffee my whole life. Freshly ground or fuck off.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:22, Reply)
Buy beans, grin them yourself and you'll never want ready ground again.
It's madness that this stuff appears to make a difference, but it does seem to.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:24, Reply)
I do sir. I have a grinder at home and at work.
The difference is in the oil. You don't get that little slick on the top of ready ground.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:25, Reply)
Much like wine, I don't understand any of the science or whatever behind it
I just know that good stuff tastes better.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:27, Reply)
You have to grind your own grapes

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:32, Reply)
[convoluted anal gaping strike through here]

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:36, Reply)
(_0_)

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:43, Reply)
upside down choirboy? sexy as fuck

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:58, Reply)
'upside down choirboy'?
Never tried that position
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:30, Reply)
It's a variant on the "wheelbarrow"
but involving a rosary, incense, far too much kneeling and lots of candles.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:41, Reply)
POIDH

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:45, Reply)

a e
(I helped save b3ta! Muns, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:28, Reply)

have use a e
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:28, Reply)

everything hahahaha gay dating sites at work lolz!
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:33, Reply)
Oh, come on.
It's Monday morning.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:34, Reply)
I'm reporting your shitness to that mod we have in here.

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:36, Reply)
hahayeah ... like this place had Mods any more since the Admins ran away to write sub-buzzfeed quizzes

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:37, Reply)
b3th is the mod
She's the shittest mod ever but shes the only one we have.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:41, Reply)
Ah, you love me really.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:42, Reply)
yerr I know ... but they're all powerless since the Admins abandoned ship

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:47, Reply)
I still got stepped for "Tosser Go Away"
Mod Cunts!
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:55, Reply)
fascist bastards

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:56, Reply)
WAIT A MINUTE I SENSE A JOKE HERE POSSIBLY ABOUT A WELL-KNOWN SITE FOR BENDERS
...but I just can't work it out...
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:33, Reply)
lemon party

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:35, Reply)
Do you also push pineapples?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:44, Reply)
You keep your disgusting sexual perversions to yourself.
Morning.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:27, Reply)
there's no point having disgusting sexual perversions of you keep them to yourself

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:48, Reply)
ALL THE CHILDREN SAY

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:52, Reply)
meatsnake poster had a "mega breakfast" yesterday, although it was more of a west london yummy mummy deli than a greasy spoon, if we're being accurate here
2 sausages, 4 rashers of bacon, black pudding, 3 hash browns, 2 pieces of toast, a mountain of fried mushrooms, 2 fried eggs and baked beans.

i had a diet coke and retched silently at pretty much everything on his plate. then went to my friend's house and had quiche and houmous like a real person.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:51, Reply)
The late 80s was missing a middle class cliche that night
I hope you remembered to play a game of Boggle afterwards.
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:55, Reply)
night? it was sunday lunch
and no, she has 2 small people, so i spent most of it playing with the slo-mo video feature on the iphone and rainy day "don't wake the sleeping baby" games like "show me 'thinking face', show me 'surprised face', show me 'tasty dinner' face."
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:57, Reply)
yeah ... nobody is interested in your eating disorder
edit: except dozer
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:56, Reply)
piss off and make another horribly garish cake
for your science/french gimp crotchfruit
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:57, Reply)
don't be upset, love
maybe if you work through your insecurity and anorexia you won't die a lonely spinster
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:59, Reply)
you know they are supposed to be yellow and pink, not half blackened, right?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:01, Reply)
wtfayboa, granny busfarts?

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:49, Reply)

real person foodwrong
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:56, Reply)
it was fucking tasty quiche
roasted red pepper, spinach and feta.

mmmm.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 9:58, Reply)
Where's my present then?

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:04, Reply)
Round the back, by the bins.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:06, Reply)
She doesn't mind eating meat back there I can tell you.

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:11, Reply)
you have to come to london to get it

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:18, Reply)
I did too
Jumbo sausage, 2 bacon, 2 black pudding, bubble, fried egg, fried slice, mushrooms, beans, big mug of tea (and technically 2 toast but I never got it as they were hella busy).

Mine was £5.80. Just out of interest, how much was Snake's?
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:06, Reply)
Judging by one of yesterday's threads, it looks like everybody was on top form.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:09, Reply)
I miss the good old days of people posting from the omgbash on someones phone, and then barry being beat up by a smelly jew the next morning

(Mr Udagawa, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:12, Reply)
I miss Barryoaks in general. They were fun.
Sadly it's difficult to post from underneath a Lewisham patio.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:13, Reply)
Sunglasses, some bird, jackets on e-bay, unprovoked fights with other geezers, that kid brought everything to the bash table and more besides

(Mr Udagawa, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:15, Reply)
He was an excellent pub companion
I met him a few times for a pint or 4
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:29, Reply)
If only Wolf had stuck around
He would have made Barry tough enough to fight back.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:16, Reply)
Not being off his face on creatively acquired substances probably would have helped too, to be honest.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:20, Reply)
It was £7.99, only 2 bacon though not 4 as previously reported.
It was a new venue, if I go there again I now know the £4.95 non-mega breakfast would be perfectly adequate.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:12, Reply)
Sounds pretty good.
I usually go for the cheaper ones myself but yesterday needed emergency grease and stodge top-ups.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:22, Reply)
Four main food groups for men
Sugar
Starch
Grease
Burnt crunchy bits

Trufax
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:27, Reply)
Meaters breakfast sounds excellent, yours sounds shit.
Although his requires the addition of Lorne sausage.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:07, Reply)
Square sausage is shit.
So are haggis, scotch pie, irn bru, and whisky.

/worst Scot ever
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:09, Reply)
^ worse than swipe

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:11, Reply)
I agree with you on whisky, but you're wrong on everything else
Although I'm not a fan of soft drinks anyway.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:13, Reply)
I like whisky and haggis is alright. Irn Bru is...ok.
I don't know what Scotch pie is, but last time I was there I had a meat pie of some sort that had a pure fat lining. That was fucking vile.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:15, Reply)
The thing about Scotch pies is that quality varies a hell of a lot.
A decent pie and a bovril on a freezing cold day at a football match is the business.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:20, Reply)
Some of them still have toenail and hoof in them.
Up here you can get lasagne pies. They're great.
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:26, Reply)
I've had one of those
They are NOM. I found a pie/pastie shop in Edinburgh once that had about 200 different flavours, though it might have been Guinness "issues"
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:28, Reply)
this^
I do remember finding a mate at the counter during a reserves match, casually stirring in 15 spoonfuls of tomato sauce and sugar into his mate's Bovil
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:26, Reply)
Local team here won the best pies award, and very nice they were too

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:29, Reply)
My mate Jim managed to get 2nd degree burns on his hand
by being extremely pissed and attempting to eat a chicken balti pie at the match
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:32, Reply)
My ex-father in law used to put loads of pepper in his bov. Fuck knows why. Think his tastbuds were shot.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:30, Reply)
Fucking Bovril.
Why anybody would want to drink a Cup-A-Gravy is absolutely beyond the limits of my understanding.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:30, Reply)
Northerners innit

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:32, Reply)
My ex-girlfriend's little sister was annoying us once in her house so I made her a cup of coffee using bovril
Milk, two sugars
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:33, Reply)
Lol, christ.
I once absent-mindedly made a cup of tea using coffee from the machine by mistake. I ran with it anyway. Don't do that.
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:37, Reply)
We also manage to freeze a half-eaten dog biscuit into her cola lollipops she was making

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:40, Reply)
Haha.
I was once bitching about being hungry out on a walk and my nan chucked me a bag and said eat these.

I think I was about half-way through before I said they were a bit tasteless and she told me they were for the dog.
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:41, Reply)
On the plus side your hair has never been shinier since?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:44, Reply)
The best description I've heard is 'liquid beef and brown confusion'

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:49, Reply)
Love it

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:51, Reply)
I prefer two

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:10, Reply)
Just go for a grim wetherspoons breakfast whilst someone on their fourth pint of cider moans about 'the wankers eating their breakfasts'.
Breakfast by Ken Loach feat toast by Mike Leigh.
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:08, Reply)
Walked past a Wetherspoons in some innocuous town the other week.
Ten minutes before morning opening. There was a queue.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:10, Reply)
this is the top of Aberdeen high street.


Just to the right, out of shot, there is a pub called The Portals; it opens at 7am. If it's raining people stand under that round concrete thing.

I was in there once after an afterparty in a warehouse finished and got chatting to some alkies casually having a pint while they waited for the offie to open.
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:19, Reply)
Even in bright sunshine, Scotland still manages to look miserable.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:21, Reply)
It looks like someone's tried to use 'selective colour' in photoshop.

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:23, Reply)
It looks like somebody's tried to personify depression in city form.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:29, Reply)
Yeah, but.
www.eveningexpress.co.uk/news/local/aberdeen-hailed-as-happiest-city-in-uk-1.632832
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:30, Reply)
Happiness is easy to achieve when you don't know what you're missing.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:32, Reply)
Everyone feels happy when they're high on smack

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:33, Reply)
..like a room without a roof

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:34, Reply)
Ahh, the granite city
Named after the women there...
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:25, Reply)
I'm fooking starving so yes please
The whole shebang please mate
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:24, Reply)
Double pork for the smelly jew, please.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:30, Reply)
Alright Stunned?

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:33, Reply)
Top Heebing

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:36, Reply)
Speaking of breakfast
https://twitter.com/honestburgers/status/534270808160763904

Might try that on my way in tomorrow
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 17 Nov 2014, 10:38, Reply)

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