This Man Asked a Computer Virus Scam Caller if What He Was Doing Made Him Feel Good. His Response Will Blow Your Mind!
The prick asked "Well sir, you like to fuck your wife? You fuck her good and it feels good to fuck her? Well that how it feels for me to scam people"

Not bad I thought. He clearly doesn't know my wife though.

Scam/cold caller tales?

Alt. Ever been outwitted?
AltAlt n
( Peej, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 8:39, 59 replies, latest was 4 years ago)

I don't know about anyone else, but personally I find it reassuring that a company the size of Microsoft puts recources into monitoring the performance of every single PC and employs dedicated teams of people to contact and help those who may be affected.
God bless those brave boys on the front line in Mumbai.

Alt: All the time, my children are much cleverer than I am.

Altalt: k
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 8:54, Reply)

MIne was from my ISP
How kind of them to be so caring
( Peej, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 8:56, Reply)

I managed to keep one on the phone for over half an hour once
by first pretending to be thick, then pretending my laptop ran Linux, so no Start button, Internet Explorer, or any of the other stuff they wanted me to click on.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 8:57, Reply)

I managed to get one to call me back a couple of times over the course of a week.
Never did get to the bottom of what was wrong with my computer though :(
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:09, Reply)

I had one recently after my father was foolish enough to text "piss off" to an ambulance chasing spam text
I happened to be at home and answered the phone to a call centre. The man was most persistent (also funny how "John" is a traditional Indian name) and kept insisting I was "concealing" a car accident from him. Eventually he referred to me as mrs swipe. I told him I was miss swipe. He demanded to speak to mrs swipe. I told him that he could not as she was dead. Pause. Then he said....

"And was THAT in car accident?"

Unbelievable.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:03, Reply)

Did you make Frog delete the posts that made it look like your family are racists?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:09, Reply)

I wish someone would delete all your posts

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:16, Reply)

Was it the headteacher brother?
They're not really allowed to be racist, are they?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:17, Reply)

I have no idea what frog was going on about
Why don't you ask him?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:19, Reply)

S'alright, he's explained that your family are nice and not racists now.
Cheers.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:21, Reply)

I wouldn't go that far
They wouldn't speak to anyone from Coventry
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:23, Reply)

That's not racism.
That's just sensible.
( Muns, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:24, Reply)

It's just so hard to understand the guttural garbage that comes out of their toothless mouths

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:27, Reply)

Hahaha sent to Coventry!!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:25, Reply)

you're not allowed to send people to Coventry any more because of so-called Human Rights and Health and Safety gone mad.

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:33, Reply)

No! And it wasn't her family, they're all excellent. I didn't delete it anyway, maybe we aren't allowed to say paki anymore.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:18, Reply)

Could your mum not just have rung them back from school?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:10, Reply)

Number withheld innit

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:14, Reply)

I once whiled away ten minutes getting one of them to remove viruses from my microwave oven.
But as I'm a functioning adult I usually just don't answer the phone to them.

Alt: John Conway once thrashed me at an elaborate version of noughts and crosses
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:08, Reply)

Nobody I know or would want to talk to phones me on the landline.
I've just disabled the ringer on it and don't answer withheld numbers on the mobile.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:35, Reply)

I hope those scam call centres are run by mafia types in India
and that every time they fail to make targets they are beaten.

/internet hardman blog
( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:08, Reply)

I was once so unbelievable rude to virus-scam man
That he phoned me back in tears.

What a daft bastard, as that meant I had another opportunity to call him a robbin' cunt.

He didn't share my view that if you call me on an unsolicited basis you will have to tolerate my colourful language and thoughts on his country of origin.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:12, Reply)

I am being lectured by a Russian taxi driver about how the british benefits system
Makes everyone soft and attracts the "wrong" sort of immigrants. Apparently it would never happen in Russia.

I am having to type on here to look busy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:18, Reply)

It's these cunts that very nearly got me into trouble when our customers indian datacentre team managed to phone my personal mobile and I got very close to telling them to fuck off before realising it was a proper work call.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:33, Reply)

I have also been conditioned to be a racist by a small number of unwelcome calls.

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:34, Reply)

I wasn't being racist. I'd have told anyone who I thought to be a cold caller to fuck off.
I wasn't expecting a work call on my personal mobile because I had a work mobile for that.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:35, Reply)

imma phone you up with a Jim Davidson Indian accent and see what happens

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:37, Reply)

It wouldn't matter what accent you used, if i knew it was you i'd tell you to fuck off.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:41, Reply)

a very sensible approach

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:45, Reply)

callerist

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:37, Reply)

I didn't even realise that 'warm calling' was an actual thing until just now
What a load of bollocks, 'anyone you've had previous contact with'. Okay, so someone you cold call every single week should be better disposed towards you?
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:40, Reply)

Good afternoon, Sir. My name is John Smith and I am going to call you back in five minutes to sell you something. *click brrrrrrrrrrr*
Hello again, my dear friend. I have noticed that you had an accident recently that wasn't your fault and/or computer viruses?
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:47, Reply)

Have you thought about
taking out a loan to install some environmental bollocks that may or may not save you money, especially if the government changes their mind in the near future?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:49, Reply)

I think that it is a good idea, why not!
(GMBoxSMG2, Sat 14 May 2022, 11:11, Reply)

When I get calls to our support desk from cold calling companies I get them to say I'm dead
This normally stops a second call

Alt:
I most certainly probably have been, yes. I'm normally quite good at spotting them though

*buys magic beans*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:47, Reply)

"Hello, I'd like to speak to your managing director."
"He's dead."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Who's the most senior person there?"
"It doesn't matter, we're about to commit mass suicide just after starting fires which will consume the building and all the evidence."
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 9:56, Reply)

*makes notes*
*drinks Koolaid*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 10:00, Reply)

I did think the bottle in the water cooler looked a bit different this mor

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 10:02, Reply)

KiaOresh

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 10:03, Reply)

I went through a spell of getting loads of cold calls from recruitment charlatans at work
and eventually started telling them they'd phoned a synagogue.

I was slightly disappointed that none of them phoned back to offer me a bright young graduate rabbi.
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 10:03, Reply)

+t

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 10:04, Reply)

My old flat inherited the old Port of Sunderland number
Every day I'd come in from work to find voicemails from ship captains asking where to park their boat
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 10:28, Reply)

^euphamism alert^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 10:30, Reply)

I get a call every week or so since my accident in the works van last year.
If I'm not busy I'll string them along, give them a couple of details and when they put me on hold to transfer me from a phone monkey to a proper claim handler I just hang up and block the number. I get a good feeling from the petty revenge if wasting a minimal amount of their time.

Alt: often.
Altalt. Tring
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Apr 2015, 10:06, Reply)

We have one of those gatekeeper type phone systems now
so if a call comes in from an unrecognised number, the caller has to identify themselves, and it seems to have stopped all our nuisance calls.
Back when we *were* getting them, though, I used to always manage to get them to hang up on me first.

Alt: Quite a lot, yeah. For someone so intelligent, IAAFI.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 7 Apr 2015, 10:33, Reply)

WITHHELD = ignored

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 10:36, Reply)

Also a good rule.
On my mobile, I will add 'Not a local area code = DENIED'
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 7 Apr 2015, 10:40, Reply)

Yeah, I do that then google the number.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 11:00, Reply)

Our direct pharmacy line keeps getting PPI calls.
I've no idea why, but it's always an entertaining way to break up the tedium.

Oh no, wait... the other thing. Fucking annoying when you're trying to do sixteen other things at once. And they're automated, so we can't tell them they've got a business number. And because it's a work phone, you have to answer it with your best customer services spiel, so the machine always knows there's somebody on te other end of the call.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 7 Apr 2015, 11:07, Reply)

Poor Jason.

( Muns, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 11:50, Reply)

Innit, I actually don't think Witheld should be legal.
If you call someone, they should have the right to know you're calling.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 11:14, Reply)

And I fucking hate these knock-down-ginger ones who get you to pick the phone, then they hang up straight away, so you can preimum-rate call them back OR so they know you're a real number.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 11:15, Reply)

'withheld' is actually just a flag to your phone telling it to ignore it.
You can get boxes for landlines that don't.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 11:22, Reply)

When I lived in the UK
I eventually stopped answering my landline altogether, because the number of times it was actually for me worked out to about 1% of the calls I received.

The rest was divided about equally between double glazing/car insurance/pension plan/other spammers and people who thought I was someone/something else entirely - an old people's home, a travel agency, a library...you name it.
( .Yeti., Tue 7 Apr 2015, 11:18, Reply)

^J R Hartley^

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 11:45, Reply)

^ subscribes to Whippet Real Good ^

( .Yeti., Tue 7 Apr 2015, 11:47, Reply)

The North East Salt n' Pepa Appreciation Society monthly magazine?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 7 Apr 2015, 11:48, Reply)

That's the one.
Now with special Salt 'n' Pepa Pig supplement for the young'uns.
( .Yeti., Tue 7 Apr 2015, 12:04, Reply)