Morning all
I'm up far to early today, and actually have more than 1 hour of class today. Boo!


(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 7:50, 318 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning, PoD
It must be a hard life being a student these days.

I remember in my day having 25 hours a week of classes.

/old bastard
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 8:19, Reply)

I think it depends on the subject
I left uni 5 years ago now, and it was blindingly obvious to me that as a science/engineering student I got a pretty raw deal - 33 timetabled hours every week, compared to the 5/6 hours that some of my mates had.

Mind, I had the last laugh - I didn't have much trouble finding a job once I'd left, whereas there's a good few of my arts-subject friends who are still temping.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 8:28, Reply)

Yeah
the science finals were always later in the term too, which meant a lot my mates had gone home for the summer and I was still studying for exams. But of course it gave me longer to study, and seeing as how I was doing a proper subject(!) the exams were harder anyway.

Edit - Is everyone else having a lie in this morning? Or am I at work an hour early or something? It's like the bloody Marie Celeste in here!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 8:36, Reply)

I did Cultural Studies
5 hours of lectures and 10 of seminars.
It was a proper piece of piss.

Oh, and morning everyone.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 8:46, Reply)

Morning
I'm not happy, just bought a packet of biscuits and every single one of them is smashed to bits - they're unusable.
How am I going to cope this morning, a cup of tea is too wet without a digestive.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 8:47, Reply)

Morning, BK
I just added my 'Marie Celeste' comment and you appeared. Perfect timing, old chap!

Do you have a cultural-related job then?

Edit - Morning oneinethepink. I suggest making a cheesecake.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 8:48, Reply)

Cheesecake is a good idea, shame I've chucked 'em.
*rummages in bin for remains of broken biccies*
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 8:54, Reply)

Morning all!
In my final year of uni (Philosophy, in case you're wondering) I had 4 hours of lectures and 2 hours of seminars a week. However, I spent about 5 hours a day in the library, so I guess it balances out.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 8:55, Reply)

@LabMaj
I'll bet you also spent a fair amount of time stroking your chin and thinking deeply!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 8:57, Reply)

@K2K6
Indeed I did!

Oddly, I was stroking my chin when I read your post... *looks around for cameras*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 8:59, Reply)

PoD it's too! *looks shocked*
What are they teaching you kids nowadays!

Hey Lab, K2, BK, Duckie and Pinky! *hugs*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:01, Reply)

Good morning my preciouses!
How is everybody today? (I really need to come up with a new opening line).

I went to see The Duchess last night with my mum and I have to say, for a Keira Knightly film, it wasn't bad!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:02, Reply)

Morning ladies
@LvP - I've just been listening to Linus and Lucy, from the Charlie Brown suite.

Not relevant at all, just one of those things!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:06, Reply)

Good morning LVP & TGB!
Hmm, The Duchess isn't my kind of film, I prefer suspense/thrillers, or balls-out action films (that doesn't mean gay porn films).
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:07, Reply)

Hey Lucy
I am good thanks! Yesterday three people asked if I had lost weight and I wasn't going to argue so yay! Being poor and not buying any food for the dieting win!

How's your good self?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:07, Reply)

Fact fans...
The voice of Sally Brown in the Peanuts cartoons was done by Fergie, the skanky ex-crystal meth addict from the Black Eyed Peas.

True Story.

Edit - TGB, yay for thin compliments! And LabM, I quite enjoy a good period drama, I like to look at the wigs and dresses.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:07, Reply)

Interesting fact, LvP
I didn't know that.

*files away in corner of brain for next visit to pub *

She's an odd looking lass, is Stacey Ferguson. Attractive in some ways, but downright weird in others.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:13, Reply)

Morning K2
No, I'm stuck in an office.
That's what happens with a mickey mouse degree!

*edit*
*hugs TBG, Lucy and everyone else*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:15, Reply)

Whenever someone mentions
her I think of those photos when she pissed herself on stage :| Not a good association really!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:16, Reply)

She looks....
Like a skank.
For one good reason,
she is one.

Ha.

*hugs everyone*

Sorry, I'm a bit out of sorts today, I have to ring the job centre and I'm fed up with my current situation so I'm a bit blah.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:18, Reply)

@ TGB
I think of her with the back of her head missing and her brains gone in Planet Terror.

Great film.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:18, Reply)

I haven't seen that BK
but that one scene sounds like a good enough reason to watch it :p

Don't be blah Lucy. Would you like some internet candy? *proffers*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:21, Reply)

Morning
I know you all missed my last night.
But don't all rush me at once.
Form an orderly line, ladies first.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:21, Reply)

Morning all
Is that thing about Fergie true? Was she really the voice of Sally in Peanuts? I thought they were all made over 20 years ago?

I'm easily confused early in the morning :-|
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:22, Reply)

Do see it
I love it. Gory in such a funny way.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:23, Reply)

ARRRRGH
Pedestrians annoy me sometimes.

Those who make an effort to walk between moving traffic, usually without warning or looking, then WALK PAST a crossing.

DID YOU WANT TO DIE TODAY? It can be arranged. *squeezes accelerator*

Oh, morning all.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:23, Reply)

Morning Kaol
How was the gig last night?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:23, Reply)

Pirate monkey
It is indeed true, she voiced it as a child. And is now a lot older than you'd think, stupid botoxed wench.

TGB - *noms candy*, thank you.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:24, Reply)

*queues up*
*realises she is queuing alone*

And Fergie is 33 apparently. She is somewhat sinister looking. Well she is on the IMDb pics
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:24, Reply)

@ Pirate
She's 31 I believe.

*knows these things*

*edit*
*doesn't know these things*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:25, Reply)

Haha!
TGB... A common trick and you fell for it :p

Lab, the gig was a bit shite :(
Gojira were good, but their setlist seemed to be a panic of "quick, get all the heavier tracks, nobody will want to hear our awesome, brooding slower tracks live!".

In Flames were a gigantic disappointment.
The vocals were shite, and it just seemed like they couldn't be bothered.

Last night gets 5/10.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:27, Reply)

Morning all!
How are you fine creatures today? I am full of Brioche. Om.

I would also like to arrange a meeting of my bonnet with most of the pedestrians I encounter.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:28, Reply)

Now I am queuing
Do I get anything?

BK off by two years according to my sources :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:29, Reply)

Morning Himjim!
@Kaol That's a shame :( Did Gojira not play Flying Whales when you saw them? I think they felt somewhat limited in what they could play, having been given only 45 minutes, and trying to impress a new crowd with their more immediately accessible songs.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:31, Reply)

Er...
You get...
*looks around*
An Orange! Huzzah!
And some cigarettes.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:31, Reply)

Well I never did
Did you know you have to ring up now to speak to someone at a Job Centre and then they can recommend you go in and speak to an advisor in a local branch?
What the hell happened to popping in and speaking to a friendly face?
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:31, Reply)

@ Kaol
I've heard that criticism made of In Flames.
had tickets to see them a year or two back but they cancelled. I don't think I've missed much according to yourself and several other people.

@ TGB
Yup, I suck.

@LM
Flying Whales is brilliant.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:31, Reply)

Anyone here listen to Rollo Tomassi?
I thank the Lord for inventing the genre "Spazzcore".

*Goes back to acid/jazz/punk heaven*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:34, Reply)

Yeah, they played
Flying Whales, but... Like you said, Lab, they had a short set, and a new crowd.

In Flames... I wouldn't recommend them live.
They played some very good songs, with the crowd singing along, which means that they don't get 4/10.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:35, Reply)

@himjim
I haven't heard them, but I like The Locust and Blood Brothers and stuff like that.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:36, Reply)

Well I didn't like to say BK
Would you like an orange? :p

I've mainly been listening to J5 recently!

Spazzcore made me doing a little office lol though.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:37, Reply)

@ TGB
No thanks, I have apples and bananas here:D

I like spazzcore. Download some stuff by The Locust and you'll see it's a fairly apt description
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:41, Reply)

Yay
Just had a phonecall from a colleague who's at the place I'm going to next week, and it's currently snowing hard there.

*packs sledge*
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:42, Reply)

Listening to
The Haunted this morning :)

Maybe some Scars on Broadway later.
And some ISIS I think.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:44, Reply)

*makes note*
I will have forgotten by the time I get home as I am going to the pub after work :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:45, Reply)

Right
I'm off to mandatory counseling now, so see y'all in an hour or so!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:47, Reply)

Morning all
How's it going?

My bum hurts. I was walking to work this morning in silly new slidey shoes and slipped onto my arse. In front of a bus of of school children. They all pointed and laughed. That has now fucked my morning right up.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:48, Reply)

@ Kaol
Big fan of The Haunted and ISIS.
Scars on Broadway I haven't heard yet.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:49, Reply)

Have fun Lab, catch you later!
BK, Scars are good stuff, worth a listen!
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:51, Reply)

@HCFB
You should have stood up, and taken a bow to the kids.

It's not just job centres who have central call centres, by the way. I phoned a certain bank the other day (clue - it has monks living in it) and the phone was answered by an Indian woman. I asked if she'd put me through to the Dundee branch, as I wanted to speak to someone there to make an appointment.

"Certainly, sir", came the reply. I heard computer keys being pressed.

*tap tap tap*

Hmm. This is taking longer than it should.

*tap tap tap*

"Sorry sir, can you just confirm the spelling? Is it D-A-N-D-I?"

I just laughed. I suppose that's how you would spell it in India!

Eventually I gave up and walked down to the branch to make the appointment.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:54, Reply)

@ K2
Haha, that made me grin.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:56, Reply)

First Thing This Morning
A nice email including the following gem....

"I have reviewed your CV and
fully recognise your experience and achievements during your career, however
feel that we have candidates who more closely match our requirements for
this particular role on this occasion"

And it's raining.

The Mrs was wondering why I was in a class A 100% grumpy-arsed mood, but I couldn't be bothered explaining so I just stabbed her repeatedly in the throat with a pen a la Joe Pesci before dismembering her twitching body. It's taken ages to clean up the kitchen and get the smaller bits back from the cats*.








*may have a certain percentage of lie
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:57, Reply)

Gid Moaning!
Are we all well, apart from Batman having a hurty bottom?

I have thought of a proposed shake up to the tube system this morning ('A shake up?' I hear you cry 'But it's perfect as it is!') - you know how the announcements say 'there is a good service' on all London Underground lines? Well, that's not enough info for me.

So now, instead of:

Good
Minor Delays
Severe Delays

I propose:

- Excellent Service (you'll get off whistling and not at all sweaty)
- Above Par (you'll get off smiling, a little hot but nothing that can't be dealt with)
- Average (Not too moody, no dampeners have been put on your day)
- Below Par (You have a bit of a sulk on, and there are sweaty patches)
- Terrible (There is a black cloud above you, a thunderous expression marks your face, you are drenched in sweat)
- Abominable (All it will take is one tourist to stop randomly as you're trying to get along the platform and your head will explode)

This, I feel, which be a much more accurate description of the journey you're about to undertake.

Once again, TFL, my consultation fee is 300,000, to be left in locker 24a at Victoria in non-sequential, used twenties.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:58, Reply)

@ Batman
You should have gone and thrown one of the kids through the bus stop. Then they would have stopped laughing.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:59, Reply)

The tube after the gig last night
Was "Terrible" in that case.
Several hundred sweaty metallers, one tube train.
Lots of shoving.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:00, Reply)

I get the feeling, as only an occasional visitor to the city
that London's transport system would be fine if London's population was only half of what it actually is. But as it stands, it's running so close to the limit that the slightest glitch causes huge delays.

That's how it appears to an outsider at least. Regular users' opinions may be different.

Edit@Kaol - not so much a train as a mosh pit?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:01, Reply)

K2k6, himjim
Either of those would have been better than simply getting back up with a bright red face, muttering something about cheap fucking shoes, it's all Gordon Browns fault and flicking the stupid kids the finger. Oh and then stepping out on to road just as a cyclist went through a red light. Knobend.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:04, Reply)

@ Kaol
Sounds like any excuse for a mosh that.


*edit*
Damn you K2, you got there first.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:04, Reply)

Pretty much, Mr. K.
I feel sorry for all the innocent other people who were there.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:04, Reply)

@ Kaol
Is that the new The Haunted album - Versus - you're listening to? I like that one. It's a fair bit awesome.
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:05, Reply)

*makes note*
Download some new Haunted this evening.
Have a missed one inbetween rEvolver and the new one?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:07, Reply)

Has anyone got any recommendations for new music?
I'm happy to recommend some stuff for anyone!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:08, Reply)

Recently
I have been listening to about 4 albums over and over and over.

Still awesome though! I really like the new 3 Doors Down stuff. I like all their stuff really, reminds me of the few good moments I had at uni :)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:09, Reply)

Nope, it's rEVOLVEr
I've only got the one album by them.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:11, Reply)

You're so pedantic.
And still bringing me new music right? :P
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:13, Reply)

Goodness me
I've been on the phone for half an hour already and now the poor man at the job centre's comp has frozen.
blimey.
all this for 48 quid a week!

TGB - I've not heard 3 doors down new stuff, how is it? I listened to one of their albums constantly when I was about 16/17.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:13, Reply)

I meant
That rEVOLVEr is the album I've got!
I'm not pedantic :(
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:15, Reply)

@ BK
A quick trip to Wiki tells me that you missed The Dead Eye between the two. I have a feeling I have that at home but am not 100% certain. I sometimes wonder if I have too much music when I can't remember what I've got
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:16, Reply)

Lucy
It is a little heavier and rockier which makes it a little more awesomer :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:19, Reply)

Mornin' ancrenne!
That's rubbish about being woken up by phone calls.

Whenever that happens to me, I fall asleep afterwards, and my brain erases the conversation.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:21, Reply)

TGB
Indeed it does.
Rock FTW. but nothing too scary or screamy or shouty please. I enjoy a good singalong
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:21, Reply)

Ancrenne
My heart bleeds for your situation. It really does.

I'm ok. Tired but ok.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:21, Reply)

I can contribute
bugger all to this music conversation. The last album I bought was Bruce Springsteens Born to Run. I did have another copy but I played it so much it died. I have incredibly shitty taste in music.

Morning ancrenne, how are you? I hurt my bottom this morning but other than that, all well ta.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:26, Reply)

Not shouty
Lucy, very catchy and singyalongy like all 3 doors down stuff :)

Hey Ancrenne and Ethelred :)

I hate been woken by phonecalls I can never remember anything that was said in them or I remember something completely different.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:27, Reply)

Are we all talking about that new fangled rock music again.
*feels old*




*Pity me*

I'm sat in my office with my maternal grandma. She is evil and must be stopped.
( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:31, Reply)

I'm currently enjoying
The new Bleeding Through and Norma Jean.

Am in a screamy/ shouty mood!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:32, Reply)

Morning guys
Damn groggy this morning. Hope everybody else is having a good morning.
( Captain V, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:36, Reply)

I really wish I had some J5 on my phone
I am in a chillaxing mood :)

The I could pretend I was in my garden, it was sunny and I had some alcohol *daydreams*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:36, Reply)

Finished listening to The Haunted
Now it's time for some Johnny Truant :D
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:36, Reply)

@ BGB
But you do like John Cooper Clarke, which makes you infinitely cool in my estimation.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:38, Reply)

Ah
but do you lot like Jeff Healey?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:42, Reply)

What about Jeff Boycott?
*sips coffee*
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:42, Reply)

@BK
I'm cool? Yay!


I got into John Cooper Clarke when I was 18 so I've been cool all my adult life. That's nice to know.
( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:42, Reply)

What about Jeff from Rainbow?
*sips tea*

*realises it's cold*

*spits it out*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:44, Reply)

Or Jeff Wayne
Jeff Lynne?

Geoffrey Hayes? Edit - Damn you TGB!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:45, Reply)

@ Kaol
Geoff Boycott was in the waiting room at the docs in Leeds when I was there the other week.

He's a grumpy sod!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:45, Reply)

Jeff Banks?







fashion designer, don't you know
( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:46, Reply)

Geoff Boycott
made me think of cricket, naturally.

And that reminded me of Brian Johnson's joke:

I call my dog Trueman, because he has four short legs and his balls swing both ways.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:47, Reply)

Hooray!
I'm suitable for job seekers money!
boo, I don't have a job!

I shall celebrate with a cup of tea, and maybe, just maybe, a small snack.

*goes off to rootle around in the kitchen*
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:48, Reply)

What a strange conversation!
Hahaha!

BK, maybe he had a nasty case of bum-grapes.
That'd make anyone grumpy.
So I've heard.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:50, Reply)

Maybe he did
He is of a certain vintage by now so he's probably prone to them. And hopefully they attack wife-beating bigots.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:52, Reply)

Bum grapes
Are extremely unpleasant, and uncomfortable. They also leak blood into one's underwear, in acute cases.

So I'm told.

*coughs*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:53, Reply)

I hope so.
Maybe the Theme Hospital version:
Heaped Piles. The patient feels like they're sitting on a bag of marbles.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:53, Reply)

Geoff Capes?
Hi again all, I'm back from counseling, and my plans of turning the counselor into a bank-bombing rebel are closer to fruition!

I should be worried when, after ranting about the state of the country and it's people, she said she'd vote for me if I ran in the election.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:54, Reply)

hello everyone.
Should I eat my banananananan or a piece of melon? Decisions, decisions!
( wanderlust, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:59, Reply)

Ancrenne
I'm hoping it means that now I'm officially Unemployed and will get some money for it, sods law will strike and I'll get a job offer!

*hopes reeallllly hard*
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:00, Reply)

Lucy
That's exactly like the Law Of Cigarettes And Busses.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:01, Reply)

Ancrenne
I like that idea, maybe a gentle meander in the election, or even a curl-up-on-the-sofa.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:01, Reply)

Melon, Lusty!
Fnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar

Ning all.
( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:02, Reply)

Kaol
That's what I thought. We shall see if it works with jobs too.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:02, Reply)

@Ancrenne
Being a politician gets easier. First you run for parliament. This involves standing for election.

If elected you are given a seat.

Then you lie for the next five years!



Morning Lusty, clendrix.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:02, Reply)

LVP
That happened to me, couldn't get a job after uni, so eventually went on JSA. A week later I found a job!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:03, Reply)

*huggles Lusty*
Eat both.

banananananas and melon are equal win IMO!

*edit*
Ooh, and 'ning clenders!
*flex*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:04, Reply)

I'm going to be in charge
One day.
I shall hire some of you.
I'm thinking ancrenne, K2k6, Lab, PJM and maybe, for amusement, SuperWeasel.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:05, Reply)

How about Jeff Jefferson?
Born on the 4th of Jeff, Nineteen Jeffty-Jeff?

Still no luck, Lucy? Boo! I will have a poke around and see what some of my recruitment friends have...

EDIT: Ooh! Ooh! Can I be in your government, Kaol?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:06, Reply)

@DiT
You've taken that too far.

/chewin' the fat

Edit@Kaol - what do you have in mind for my post?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:06, Reply)

DiT.
No. Sorry.
You can live with the rest of the Favoured Ones though, in the Golden Village.

Mr. K, you'd be Minister For Science. And "Lawn Ornament".
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:08, Reply)

Cheers for the huggles BK
I have gone for a lovley, ripe, juicy bit of melon.

nom nom nom
( wanderlust, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:08, Reply)

Lusty
Everyone knows banananananananananas are evil. yuk.
Stick with the melon.
nom.

Dit - Thanks, that would be great.
LabM- Fingers crossed. If I get close enough, could you rub some of your luck off onto me?
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:08, Reply)

I have been in employment for 6 consequetive years now.
I may explode soon.
( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:08, Reply)

I dread thinking about some of you in power
I mean, in amongst the slicing and replacing the flag with a CDC, something might actually get sorted properly for a change!

In other news, I have Drinking For 11 by the Mad Caddies stuck in my head.

This is not a bad thing but I haven't listened to it for at least 4 months and I have no idea where the hell it has come from. Ah well, I'll just roll with it for now
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:09, Reply)

There's nothing like a good
flex in the morning.
*sighs*
( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:09, Reply)

Well when I am in charge
I am afraid some of you aren't going to make it. Sacrifices are going to have to be made to appease the gods and I have drawn up a list of who will be seen as the greatest offer and thus enable me to reap the biggest rewards.

Luckily for you guys it is going to take a while to get all the propoganda together and sadly my altar and underground lair is running behind schedule.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:09, Reply)

Glad to be of service clendrix!
@Pirate

Saw the Mad Caddies supporting Dropkick Murphys earlier this year. I was rather impressed.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:10, Reply)

Pfft
If you tried to kill me for the Gods, they'd send me back.
So I'm safe.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:10, Reply)

Lawn ornament?
How unusual. Like a classical statue, you mean? Standing in a demure pose with my cock out?

@Lusty - good choice. There's nothing like nice juicy melons. :)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:10, Reply)

No, I mean
When you're not being Mr. Science, you can live in the garden.
Not allowed indoors.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:11, Reply)

K2k6
I see you're in fine form this morning, you naughty thing.
( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:11, Reply)

I think you're discriminininating against me
cos I'm forrin. And that's not on.

But I shall be happy in the Golden Village!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:12, Reply)

Kaol
You are going to be the high court jester. We shall put you in a silly hat and make you dance for us *glees*

We will also have incredible tight security so you don't get hold of anything sharp
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:13, Reply)

Oh, that's OK
I like being in the garden. And I may get my cock out anyway. It'll amuse clendrix, at least!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:14, Reply)

Obviously
By "Golden Village" I meant "Concrete Gulag", but you get the idea :)
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:14, Reply)

I'm looking forward to cocks roaming free.
Do I get to live anywhere? Or can I be an outcast?
( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:15, Reply)

*cuddles ancrenne*
ohhh I've missed you you lovely lady.
I'd rather have a clendrix wanderlust ancrenne sandwich than a bananananana one.
( wanderlust, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:15, Reply)

@ K2
I demand similar freedom of exposure.

I could rotate and sprinkle the lawns.
Verily, they would be lush and green!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:15, Reply)

No sharp things?
That's ok, I'm fully proficient on the use of blunt objects.

It's been said that anything I pick up instantly becomes a weapon :)
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:16, Reply)

@ Kaol
What if you picked up a hooker?

Would that be a biological weapon?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:18, Reply)

Al has a point there...
My face is rather gruesome.

DON'T LOOK AT ME!

*cries*

I'm a monster!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:19, Reply)

@LVP
"LabM- Fingers crossed. If I get close enough, could you rub some of your luck off onto me?"

*shocked*
hehehehehe!
*surprised pause*
wait...
hehehehehe!
you can't mean-
hehehehehe!
giggity!

@Kaol: Thanks for editing me in there, what position will you assign me? *awaits innuendo*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:19, Reply)

Well you could wear the hat and dance
in the high court where there are cigarettes and alcohol or you can have sharp objects and live in the wastelands fighting giant robots. With no cigarettes and alcohol.

It is a pretty tough call actually *smokes*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:20, Reply)

Lab
I think you'd be in charge of propaganda.
In music, media and print.

Also, you'd have to shoot David Gray.

GIANT ROBOTS?
I'm there.
Fuck yes!
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:21, Reply)

"Something is rotten
in the state of Denmark"

Was Shakespeare talking about DiT? Surely not.

(sorry, DiT - that was very poor!)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:21, Reply)

*is ignored*
*gets the hint*


*becomes outcast in pretty little cave*
( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:23, Reply)

Clendrix
Can I come and sit with you in the cave of ignoring?
We could have beer and curry!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:23, Reply)

Kaol
I'm I restricted in only shooting David Gray? If I claim to have poor name comprehension, can I shoot Craig David as well?

I mean, I'm going to anyway, just nice to have an excuse other than "They don't deserve to exist".
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:24, Reply)

I think it's time for a crap joke
I have one about Red Indians...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:24, Reply)

Lucy
That sounds lovely! Yes, let's do that. It all sounds much more civilised than Kaol's dictatorship.
( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:25, Reply)

Clendrix
You're welcome in the Main Palace :D
How does being my PA sound?
There'll be cigarettes, and Metallica, and bacon!

Lab, shoot whoever you want. Make it painful though.
Leg. Wait ten minutes.
Other Leg. Ten minutes.
Same with arms.
Stomach. Come back in the morning.
Head.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:26, Reply)

Yay!
It's ok al, I'm equally happy in a sex cave, as long as there is beer and curry.
Sex is a bonus in fact.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:27, Reply)

Did someone mention sex?
*sigh*
( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:27, Reply)

Hmmm....
sudden thoughts of being close to the centre of power have made me have second thoughts about my hippy cave-living life...
*weakly accepts bacon and smokes*
( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:27, Reply)

@clendrix
You are a Green party activist, AICMFP!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:28, Reply)

What's this?
People from the village in my cave?

*roars*

This is a cave for monstrous outcasts only. Leave me be!

(and yes, K2, that was Terrible!)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:29, Reply)

K2k6
Your claims mean nothing. I am now protected by Kaol, my employer.
*glees*

Edited to show Kaol is not 'mine'
( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:30, Reply)

Kaol for Chief Heirophant Omnipotent Dictator-Emperor!
Although my propaganda department are not allowed to acronym that title.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:30, Reply)

Just me then?
*sigh*

Ah well, more curry for me.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:31, Reply)

Ah...
Sweet, sweet power.
CHODE for the win!
The Length Of Justice.
Victory is short and sweet.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:31, Reply)

Is it just me
or is today's conversation even more bizarre than usual?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:32, Reply)

Oops
sorry Lucy. I though Tulip and Al were there with you.

Stay away from Tightly. He seems rather cross.
( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:32, Reply)

LVP
You can work for me in the Propaganda Division if you like, we'll obviously need someone with outstanding lingual skills.

Phew, I avoided substituting 'outstanding' with 'cunning'.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:32, Reply)

No sex then?
Ok! give me curry. It's always a good stand in for a shag.
( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:33, Reply)

@K2
I lost the thread at 'sex cave' and got all wistful.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:33, Reply)

LabM
Aceness. It's a deal.

Though I may need to do a few half days a week so I can pop back to the cave for a top up of beer and currybased goodness.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:34, Reply)

Be honest, BK
It was the mention of HLT and 'sex cave' in the same sentence, wasn't it?

She's not even here - her ears will be burning!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:35, Reply)

Ok LVP
We'll call it a diplomatic mission.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:35, Reply)

@Clenders...
I may seem cross, but it's only because I'm hurt at being ostracised for being a monster.

I'm actually rather a nice chap underneath this horrifying exterior.

It's a tale as old as time.

*waits for a beautiful maiden to fall in love with me, even though I'm beastly*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:37, Reply)

@K2
Just the mention of sex to be honest

*pines*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:37, Reply)

Ace
I get to hang in the beerandcurryandsex cave?

Sounds like we got the best end of the deal there to be fair!
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:39, Reply)

Join the club, BK
I have a long term membership!

@DiT - Princess Fiona called for you.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:39, Reply)

I like monsters
I'd like one to be chained up at the bottom of the 599 steps up to my throne.
Make it so.
*gestures*
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:39, Reply)

Tightly
Your tale brought a tear to my eye.

It's hard working for such a tyrannical boss. I'll see if I can get permission to have you as a pet.

Edit: ^Hmm, it seems a compromise might be possible here...
( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:40, Reply)

*looses track*
Ok all I have gathered is something about beer sex and curry cave? I am more than happy to live there. Well as long as there is cider as well.

And maybe a masseuse. And cheese.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:42, Reply)

Damnit
If I'm not getting sex, I'll have to shoot more people.

Y'know, to compensate.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:49, Reply)

Oh dear...
Al, why are you wearing a wedding dress and coming towards me with an amourous look in your eye?

What the...?

Al, no! NO!

(EDIT: Sorry, K2, but I was rather hoping for Belle...)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:51, Reply)

ancrenne
You said the magic "crumble" word.
Nom.

Al - It's a sex, beer and curry cave. All the best things.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:52, Reply)

I will happily scooch over int he cave
for some apple crumble! nom nom nom
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:52, Reply)

It's a shame you're not coming for
dinner on Saturday before the minibash TGB.

I'm having crumble for deserts!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:53, Reply)

@Al
It's fucked.

Buy a new one.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:55, Reply)

Jim
I am more than happy to stop by and pick up a take out order of crumble :p

Kaol we have to buy crumble now for Saturday!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:56, Reply)

beersexcurrycave
Any room for kittehs?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:57, Reply)

Why buy
when you can come to Jims and experience CRUMBLE^TM
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:58, Reply)

TGB
Can't we make crumble instead?
It's really easy.
Also, I've got a tree-load of apples here :D
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 11:58, Reply)

Haha
you stole my thunder Kaol - I was just about to edit my post and say I've got pink ones here!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:00, Reply)

I've got
A tree load of awesome red ones.
Not sure what type, but they're lovely!
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:01, Reply)

This weekend
Is going to be AWESOME.

I think I'm moist.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:01, Reply)

Moist?
I'll check for you on Saturday :D
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:02, Reply)

Jim are you actually inviting us round for crumble?
Don't toy with me over such serious matters!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:03, Reply)

I'm not actually doing anything on Saturday
apart from cleaning and shizz so if you all wanted to start earlier and have a proper meal before subjecting ourselves to the pubs then you're all most welcome!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:04, Reply)

I think it's time
To make some lunch, bop in my chair to fatboyslim and then try to do something more productive.
( Captain V, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:09, Reply)

Well pubs and houseparty
Lab we need to coordinate the white russian ingredients gathering! *glees*

*waves at V*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:13, Reply)

TGB
We do indeed, I'll gaz you!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:16, Reply)

Hey V!
White Russians are awesome!
As are Grey Russians :D
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:20, Reply)

*jealouses*
Sounds like you guys are going to have an ace mini bash this weekend. If you do have crumble make sure there is photo evidence.

I'm in London this weekend, Mr VP bought me train tickets,only to then inform me he's busy on Saturday so I'm on my own!
I might go to some free museums.

*enjoys a freebie*
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:21, Reply)

Ooo LVP
I was alone in London the other week, I thoroughly recommend both the V&A Museum, and the Natural History Museum.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:22, Reply)

House party?!
Did I miss something? :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:24, Reply)

LabM
I have already done the V&A as I wanted to go and see the gorgeous jewellery exhibition.
I'm just looking at the British Museums website although I'm sure I've seen an exhibition of Jack the Ripper stuff somewhere in London, I'd love to go and see that.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:24, Reply)

LVP
I can only imagine that the Ripper exhibition involves displaying disembowled hookers?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:28, Reply)

Jack the Ripper?
Exhibition?
WOOOOOOOOO!

When's it run 'til?

Any London b3tans up for a Ripper-date with me?
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:29, Reply)

OitP
No, you're thinking of the Kaol exhibition.
The Ripper one has all the police reports and letters and evidence. Looks good but costs money.
boo.
Maybe the British Museum or the Portrait Gallery.

Edit - Kaol - It's at docklands and runs until 5th Nov.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:30, Reply)

LVP
I've found this exhibition, but it's not free :/
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:30, Reply)

Excellent!
I'm gonna have a place I can crash in Docklands soon, on a boat!
Bonus :D
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:33, Reply)

LabM
You little internet Sherlock, that's the one!
I kept seeing it advertised in Bethnal Green tube station.
I might go, depends on finances. I might just stay in bed all day saturday, drinking wine out of a bottle and eating chipsticks.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:34, Reply)

@ Lucy
All going to plan I shall be in the same position on the 18th in London.

Will the Ripper thing still be open then?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:35, Reply)

Jim I did send you a gaz
about the houseparty quite a while ago! Everyone else replied :p

Or it may have been a text.. either way I sent it to everyone!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:35, Reply)

I like the Natural History Museum
And the Science Museum.

I used to like the Planetarium until they stopped making it about the Universe and started making it about David Beckham or whoever the teenagers are swooning over these days while they smack themselves up with heroin and stab each other in the guts.

There is also a sex museum in Soho. So I'm told.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:36, Reply)

@BK
It will indeed still be open. It's on until the start of November.
Maybe I'll wait until then to go and see if anyone wants to come with me. I'll have money then as well (hopefully).
Marvellous stuff!

Edit - DiT - last time I went to the Natural History Museum I saw MaxTheGinger from Eastenders outside playing with his children.
Fact.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:37, Reply)

LVP
I like hunting stuff down ;)

Wine and chipsticks sounds good, I spent one of my two evenings in London recently watching Dave while drinking cans of 'bow. That was after I was gouged for over £13 for a bloody cinema ticket *grumbles*.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:38, Reply)

I can't believe all this talk of excess apples
and nobody's suggested making some homebrew cider...
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:38, Reply)

I'm looking forward
To the new bit of the Natural History Museum opening :D
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:39, Reply)

When I was little
I got to sleep over in the science museum!
Best childhood memory ever. Fact!
( wanderlust, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:39, Reply)

The Natural History
and Science Museums are indeed the business. But I've yet to do the V&A, and the British Museum. I don't go to London very often. And have little free time when I do.

I think I was in the planetarium in about 1986 though. And Madame Tussaud's too, seeing as it's next door and you could get a combined ticket.

Edit@Lusty - If that had been me I'd never have slept for being excited!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:40, Reply)

LabM
Wine and chipsticks is basically my idea of a bloody good day.
Add to that Strictly Come Dancing will be on in the evening, it just gets better!

On more than one occasion has Mr VP gone out and returned to find me asleep in bed with an empty wine bottle besides me and chipstick crumbs everywhere.
Once I fell asleep with my hand still in the bag. :s
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:40, Reply)

Rubberduck
If you tell me how to make cider, I will make it.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:41, Reply)

@K2k6
I don't remember sleeping, just running about in my pyjamas doing sciency things!
( wanderlust, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:42, Reply)

@Lusty
*spluffs at the very thought*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:43, Reply)

Plane'arium
I haven't been to the Plane'arium yet, but I've done the other museums. I went to the Science museum when they had a gaming exhibition on, which had hundreds of video games from throughout history! Ahhh, that was a Good Day.

The only thing I didn't like about the NHM on my recent visit was all the damn children. The parents didn't control the little fuck-trophies, and so they ran around screaming, or getting in my way when I'm trying to read a placard.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:44, Reply)

Lab,
I went to that Games Exhibition.
It was fucking awesome!
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:45, Reply)

Ancrenne
I can't claim to have created that expression, and I can't remember where I read/heard it, but it's fantastic!

Edit: Kaol, I spent ages in that exhibition! It reminded me that all the classic games were punishingly difficult and completely unforgiving.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:46, Reply)

Since you asked...
1. Pulp the apples (using a blender or similar)
2. Wrap the pulp in cheesecloth
3. Press the wrapped pulp (a couple of large chopping boards and g-clamps is OK for this)
4. Pour the pressed juice into a small keg (and make sure you fill it to the top)
5. Add a little (only a little) cider yeast and leave the bung on the top of the keg open
6. Wait several weeks until the frothing has gone down, then put the bung back in.
7. Leave in a cool place for 6 months to a year.

Enjoy...

EDIT: Well, when I say 'Enjoy' I mean more 'Get royally shitfaced'. This was the result of our university cider experiment.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:48, Reply)

@K2k6
of me in my pyjamas doing sciency things?


I was 8 years old.
( wanderlust, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:49, Reply)

Rubberduck
Six months to a year. I'm an alcoholic, FFS - I can't wait that long.
*heads to off-licence*
( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:50, Reply)

haha
I used to work at Oxford Natural History Museum and had to catalogue all the dead animals and skins they had and got to clean skulls. Was more interesting than H&S that's for sure!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:51, Reply)

@Lusty
*retracts previous spluff*

Oops. Sorry, my brain got all excited with pyjamas, science and b3ta females all mixed up together. I didn't think it through!

Perhaps I should make amends with todays K2k6 rubbish joke?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:53, Reply)

Biologists
For the win!
*grins*
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:53, Reply)

Well, I'm not 8 anymore.
*puts on pjs*

*runs around doing sciency things*

A joke would be much appreciated.
( wanderlust, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:55, Reply)

Retracts spluff
I now have images of a penis being used to suck splooge back in, like someone sucking milk up through a straw.

Thanks.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:56, Reply)

Retrograde Ejaculation?
*shudders*

Terrible...
It ends up like infected scrambled egg, in your bladder.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:57, Reply)

Jokejokejokejoke!
*sits cross legged and waits*

EDIT: I'm quite jealous, Lusty, that sounds Awesome!

DOUBLE EDIT: I think I just threw up a bit in my mouht, Kaol...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:58, Reply)

A fairly filthy joke today
A guy goes to a party one night, and after a couple of hours, the most amazing piano music starts being played. He thinks it is the most wonderful music he has ever heard and makes his way over to the pianist.

"I have to say that the music that you are playing is wonderful" "Thank you very much" says the pianist "However, I've never heard this song before, what is it called?"

"It's called: I shag my wife up the arse and come all over her tits"

"Bloody hell, that's a bit harsh isn't it? I must say though, that I'm having a party in a couple of weeks and would love you to play at it, but perhaps you could just tone down the names of the songs that you will be playing - my guests wouldn't approve"

"No problem" says the pianist, and accepted the booking.

So two weeks later the guy is having his party and the pianist is there and he's playing like a donkey, all the wrong keys - it really is the most dreadful music he has ever heard.

"What do you think you're doing" says the guy

"I'm so sorry, I know I'm playing badly but I really need a wank"

"A wank? - but you're meant to be playing the piano - all my guests are here"

"I know, but I can't play well until I've had one"

"OK, OK, go into the bathroom, there are some mags in the cupboard and just get back here as soon as you can"

Ten minutes later the pianist comes back from the bathroom, sits down at the piano and starts playing beautifully, just the way he's meant to.

After a little while a lady walks up to him and says: "Excuse me, but do you know your cock's hanging out and you've got spunk all over your trousers ?.

"Know it ?" he says, "Of course I do...I wrote it...."
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:00, Reply)

@ Kaol
"Retrograde Ejaculation"

That's a great name for a grindcore band!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:03, Reply)

Hmmm...
I can scream pretty well and play bass...
You play anything?
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:05, Reply)

Love the joke K2K6!
Hope this isn't old news:

I just found out that Rick Astley has been nominated for this years MTV Europe Music Awards, all thanks to the 'rickrolling' phenomenon!

I swear this link is to the BBC News article, and is not a rickroll :p
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:07, Reply)

Drums
But I'm dead rusty, been about 5 years since I played properly.

I don't suppose grindcore relies that much on technique...
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:08, Reply)

Can I be in your band?
I could play the tamborine.
( wanderlust, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:11, Reply)

Ooo me me!
I want to be in a band!

I can, erm, carry your gear?

*sighs and kicks inability to play any instrument*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:12, Reply)

I can beat a steel drum
very loudly.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:12, Reply)

@ Lusty
Course you can!

I'll set up a studio in the fort;)
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:13, Reply)

Afternoon loyal subjects
How are we all this fine afternoon?

Day 3 of uni has gone well, and I also bought some new shoes. Go me!

And @k2k6, from waaaaaaay up there ^, I have 20 hours of class a week this year, plus my big project.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:13, Reply)

@PoD
20 hours a week is more like it! But new shoes?

In my day...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:15, Reply)

Damn, I've just been for a ciderlunch
and realised that I've missed some cider posts.
I am THE cider connoiseur, what do you want to know and can I be chief tester?

Woo! I just done got me a profile at long last.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:16, Reply)

When, oh when
is the qotw going to change? I can't look at this one at all at work, as it has "sex" in the URL, and work will know that I'm not devoting myself 110% to my work...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:16, Reply)

Well
My old shoes had become just dangerous to be honest, and were starting to eat my heels.

Shoes shouldn't eat your heels.

But now I have shiny new ones. They are shiny and everything.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:19, Reply)

Pinky
You look slightly... stunned in that picture! *fawns over the doggy*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:19, Reply)

Hello PoD, Empress Bob, and OitP!
Only 4 more hours of work to persevere through...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:19, Reply)

@pink
Alright there
*winks*
( wanderlust, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:20, Reply)

OK, PoD
That's fair enough. New shoes are OK if you have worn your old ones to destruction!

I still do that, actually.

Edit@lusty - you still got your PJs on? And doing sciency things?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:21, Reply)

Ooh! New shoes!
Sounds like we are having the same 'heel-eating' problem, and yet I refuse to do anything about it!

*grumbles about how I was better off when I was a student!*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:24, Reply)

@K2k6
Yups.

*sciences*
( wanderlust, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:24, Reply)

@lusty
*respluffs*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:24, Reply)

Hi Mr Devil
Art thou well?

I would recommend the new shoes. My feet felt instant relief, I walked home from the shop in the new shoes.

Awesome.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:25, Reply)

*winkies*
I was a bit stunned, it was at least 20 below for a start and the pup had just breathed all over me - they eat tripe and frozen meat dust mixed with hot water. Yum!
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:26, Reply)

cider connoisseur?
are there any other pear ciders that taste as nice as kopparberg or are they all a bit sickly?
st helier's and bulmers' ones are nasty. far too sweet.
( gypsy turnips, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:26, Reply)

OitP
That pup is the cutest! What breed is it? It looks like a husky.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:27, Reply)

Yo PoD
I art well, but my art is bad...

And I'm quite jealous that you're doing the Uni thing, I left 5 years ago and still haven't got over it! :(
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:29, Reply)

mm tripe breathe
So were you there on a hunting trip? Bag yourself any waaarbits?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:30, Reply)

@PoD
What was wrong with your bass amp in the end? I remember having a discussion about the diagnosis a week or three back.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:30, Reply)

Do you not think Koppaberg tastes
a bit chemically?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:31, Reply)

I would just like to say
(after "noons all!")

that I get the names Devil in Tights and Penguin of Death mixed up, therefore in my head you are both Penguin in Tights.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:32, Reply)

Hi Lab & brix
In my opinion there is no good pear cider, it shouldn't even be called cider - far too sickly sweet, might as well be an alcopop.
But if that's what you're in to then go for 'Brothers' it's a South West product, probably one of the best ones on the market.

Lab - I suppose you'd say that it's an Alaskan Husky - not a specific breed as such, but a mixture of all types of northern sled/hunt dogs (Heinz 57 if you will). Great nature and fantastic pullers.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:36, Reply)

koppaberg
tastes like chemically extracted sugar to me. not the best.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:36, Reply)

himjim
i don't find it has a chemical taste at all, but my taste buds are probably ruined due to excessive consumption of chillies :)

oitp, thanks for the recommendation, i'll keep an eye out for that.
( gypsy turnips, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:39, Reply)

Alaskan Huskies
Are beautiful dogs, with wonderful temperaments. I'd love one, but my current living/working environment wouldn't be fair to the lovely little doggy :/
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:39, Reply)

@k2k6
The main volume pot was being stupid. Removed it, tried to get a new one, couldn't, so opened it up, and had a poke about an fixed it, then soldered it back in. Now it works the perfectly.

And I still have 2 years of that uni thing left, tightly. I fear getting to the end of it.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:40, Reply)

Afternoon all!
How are we all today?
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:41, Reply)

al
my mouse is radio, so the receiver is hidden under my desk.
The mouse batteries are running low, as its skipping all over the place (its an old-skool mouse with ball, so cleaned that out already).

I have a stapler which was hidden under paperwork, and it seems happier on the top of it now.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:42, Reply)

@al
i had a red stapler that would never work for me until i returned it to its true owner, a man who went by the name of milton ;)
( gypsy turnips, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:42, Reply)

We have a criminally underused
Folding Inserter by the name of Boris, who was superseded by a behemoth by the name of Bertha.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:44, Reply)

'Noon everyone
Cider connoisseur, what do you think of weston's organic cider, the 7.5% one?

I bloody love it!
(gin'll fix it, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:44, Reply)

@PoD
Yup it's amazing what a bit of cleaning up will do to a pot. Good result.

@Al - I have two staplers in my desk drawer. They keep each other company. Neither works very well though.

Afternoon weekirst. You're an infrequent visitor these days.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:45, Reply)

mmmmmmmmkkay?
My computer seems happier now I have made lots of paperclip sculptures to sit on top of it :D
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:46, Reply)

@k2k6
Thats due to an unfortunate working hours ban in the internet... i'm about when i can be now :(
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:48, Reply)

Westons
Ooo, I do love Westons Organic! I have a box of the stuff at home :)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:49, Reply)

@Al
Don't know about Firefox, but it's as easy as dragging an icon in Safari. So I'd imagine some Mozilla-bod would have added that functionality to Firefox by now.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:51, Reply)

Weston's Organic
It's nice, but the organic label puts the price up, I'd go for the Rosie or Vintage.

Perry's medium vintage is my favourite at the moment.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:51, Reply)

*folds al*
*inserts him*
( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:51, Reply)

@Fuzzy
Penguin in Tights? We are not some ghastly cross breed! We are free men! :)

Still, it could have been worse. You could have thought Devil in Penguin, and I'm not sure PoD is that kind of guy!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:51, Reply)

brothers cider
i just had a look on their site and they do a lemon one. anyone tried it?
( gypsy turnips, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:56, Reply)

Good news Al
I just did it myself to see, and it works the same on the Mac version.

I must go and do some work for a bit.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:57, Reply)

@ k2k6
did you look at my site yesterday?

I was wondering who was using safari on a mac!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:58, Reply)

I've not
found anywhere that sells the old rosie or the vintage by the box, but everywhere seems to sell the organic one.

Or am I getting confused, I get this one:
www.packaging-services.co.uk/images/westons_bag_in_box_300.jpg

but it's 'vintage organic'
(gin'll fix it, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:01, Reply)

Rick Astley has been nominated
for the best pop act ever at the MTV awards!

ema.mtv.co.uk/artists/profile/115154625/#274130150

I've voted :)
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:03, Reply)

Here you go
www.perryscider.co.uk/shop/default.asp

These are THE boys.

Medium vintage is what you want.
It's ok for me 'coz I'm only just down the road from them.

I think I should organise a West Country b3ta ciderfest next summer.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:03, Reply)

I'm back
Woo!

No work this afternoon.
*photoshops freelance design work*
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:04, Reply)

Mmm cider
Thatchers single variety ciders are lully. They used to make an organic one too which they seem to have stopped as I can't find it anywhere. It was everything a cider should be, and it was my favourite, and now it's gone... *sobs*

I quite like Weston's organic but it's a bit strong for me. I'm a wuss with alcohol. It's a blessing and a curse... a curse because I get hangovers within half an hour of drinking anything, and a blessing because it means I am a cheap night out.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:06, Reply)

Hello chaps,
sorry about the delay - went to buy faaags.

A folding inserter - www.pb.com/cgi-bin/pb.dll/jsp/ProductDetail.do?lang=en&country=US&prodOID=26479&catOID=-19940# one of those bad girls.

Perfect for making Ticketmaster look foolish :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:06, Reply)

Never mind warmfuzz
Thatchers still have plenty of other varieties on the go.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:10, Reply)

Hey fuzzy!
I've noticed the lack of thatchers around too, think I should move to west country so I can get as much gorgeous cider as possible! Every time I come back from glastonbury, we have to stop and fill up on as much local cider as possible!

Know what you mean about the weston's hangover too :-(
(gin'll fix it, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:11, Reply)

For anyone coming to the Leambash
The Well sells Brothers, The White Horse Westons Organic Vintage.

Only two pubs worth mentioning about cider really.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:12, Reply)

Well I'm back
back again.

What have I missed?
( Captain V, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:12, Reply)

Cider
I do like Thatchers, and Westons Old Rosie, but I remember a lovely cider called Biddenden in an old pub in Liverpool. 8.0%, and beautiful!

Oooh, I have just found their website, where you can buy crates of 12 1-litre bottles... must resist...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:14, Reply)

Hello again folks
Nothing happening at work.
It's all gone a bit boring:(

Ooh, and Weston's Blush for the win!
I think it's weston's anyway.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:14, Reply)

Ooh
I might be in liverpool this weekend, is that pub near the bombed out church?
(gin'll fix it, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:15, Reply)

Gin
Actually, it is! It's called The Craic (I think), just up the hill and off to the right of the bombed out church.

Note, this was 4 years ago, I don't know if the pub is still there, or if they still serve Biddenden...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:16, Reply)

mm westons
I forgot the White Horse sold that *glees*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:19, Reply)

Haha
I might check it out then, cheers!

So tempted to buy this:

www.westons-cider.co.uk/acatalog/Organic_Vintage_Cider__1x20L_.html
(gin'll fix it, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:20, Reply)

Has anyone
Ever drank in The Devonshire Cat in Sheffield.

They do some awesome ciders and hand-pulled scrumpy in there. An amazing selection of beers too. Many's the time I've got twatted in the Cat and staggered down to the Corporation for a gig.

Happy times:D

*edit* @gin
That is really tempting!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:20, Reply)

Cos what they do with 30 people in a day
I can do all on my ownsies in about 2 hours.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:21, Reply)

Clendrix
What was that horrible, horrible cider I had with you the other day?
*shudders*
( Cawl, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:22, Reply)

Sweet! I've just seen the ultimate time saving device
The Vertebrae Folding Bathroom.
You could take a dump, have a shower and brush your teeth at the same time.
IwantoneIwantoneIwantoneIwantone
gizmodo.com/392640/vertebrae-bathroom-the-20000-kit-for-mile+high-club-enthusiasts
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:23, Reply)

Al
Do you have one of these already or do you take a dump in your conventional shower?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:29, Reply)

Thatcher's Katy FTW!
/relurks
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:34, Reply)

or does he do it in the litter tray?
mind you, i didn't see a litter tray in that bathroom thingy.
( gypsy turnips, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:35, Reply)

my sister's goat
walks into her house and shits on her sofa :(
( gypsy turnips, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:40, Reply)

@ Al
do you shit in the shower and throw it at your monkeys?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:41, Reply)

They have more than that
Al, but they have 30 people hand stuffing envelopes with single orders.

That's why they're so expensive.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:41, Reply)

brixton
You did mean 'goat' and not 'ghost' right?

I had a vision of a malevolent entity staging a dirty protest in your sister's living room.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:46, Reply)

heehee, like those wee puddles that old ladies blame on ghosts?
yup, i said 'goat'. she lives in NZ and has 3. i'm so jealous.
( gypsy turnips, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:48, Reply)

@ancrenne
no chastity belts. but i am trying to persuade her to buy them the purple party pygmy pants on sale here:

www.goatsonline.com/
( gypsy turnips, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:52, Reply)

*runs for cover*
Get in the goat shelter! Quickly children, you don't want to see what's about to happen!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:53, Reply)

Good lord
Whatever next?

And hurrah! although I missed a conversation about cider, I just had a phonecall from a lovely lady who loves my warm fuzzy things and wants me to sell them in three different places! :)
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:56, Reply)

*starts up the claxon*
Don't wait, seal the doors! I'll stay here to show others to safety!

If...if I don't make it through this in one piece, tell people my story!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:57, Reply)

Well done fuzzy!
Just checked the pics in your profile, your things do indeed look warm and fuzzy!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:59, Reply)

*sings songs of Labia*
And yea, the Children did sing his name in the fields for thousands of years!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:59, Reply)

hello again
I'm back! Did you miss me? (did you notice I had gone?!)
There is some lovely love spreading on OT. And some sad news too.
What an up and down day.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 15:00, Reply)

Thanks Lab!
I think my mojo just came back :)
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 15:07, Reply)