Shit jokes.
Some of this week's QOTW entries made me wonder...

What's the shittest joke you've ever heard?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:41, 64 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Definitely the most shit in a joke I've ever heard!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGVL_reIuJM
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:45, Reply)

what's brown and sticky?
A stick.

I thangyuo.....
( DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:53, Reply)

What's brown and runny?















Linford Christie.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:55, Reply)

What's brown and sounds like a bell?





Dung.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:56, Reply)

What's blue and smells of red paint?
Blue paint.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:10, Reply)

Your mum?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:19, Reply)

What do you call a one eyed Dinosaur?
Doyouthinkhesaurus.....
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:27, Reply)

Ricky Gervais
being rich and famous.

fat unfunny cunt
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:44, Reply)

A nun walks down the street
A drunk sprints over to her and punches her in the face until she falls over. He reaches down, lifts her up by her wimple, and gives her a swift knee in the stomach. The drunk throws the nun on the ground, stands over her triumphantly, and says: "Ah-Ha! Not so tough now, are ya, Batman!?!"

Shocking... Im sorry...
( SpankyHanky, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:54, Reply)

genuinely shit? or deliberately shit?

( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:55, Reply)

What do you call an Indian lesbian?
Mingita.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:07, Reply)

What do you call a man with 20 rabbits up his arse?

Warren.
( Stu71 ....bad money dies, I love the scene, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:14, Reply)

What do you call
a lesbian dinosaur??


A Lickalottapus.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:17, Reply)

Ha ha ha
What goes 'ha ha ha, bonk' ?

A man laughing his head off.
( SeasonTicketless is too often the statue, and rarely the pigeon., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:19, Reply)

Mictoboy
SHIT.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:19, Reply)

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr. Dre
(gin'll fix it, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:23, Reply)

Q. What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
A. Cliff
(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:24, Reply)

Gin
I love that joke!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:33, Reply)

What do you call a man witha pig and a cow on his head?
Mohammed





just in case, Moo-Ham-Head
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:47, Reply)

What do you call a man standing between 2 houses?

Ali
(Kia Ora it's 2 orangey 4 crows, it's just 4 me and my dog, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:48, Reply)

What's the most mysterious fish in the sea?





The Da Vinci Cod



Was topical a few year ago. Ahem
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:50, Reply)

What's E.T. short for?



He's got little legs.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:53, Reply)

There were two cows in a field
and one cow says to the other cow "aren't you worried about this mad cow disease?" and the other cow says "no, coz I'm a squirrel!"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:05, Reply)

What did ET's mum say when he went home?

Where on earth have you been?
( Stu71 ....bad money dies, I love the scene, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:15, Reply)

Kitty
I prefer it if the punchline to that one is
"why should I worry, I'm a helicopter"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:21, Reply)

Haha that does also work
Although when I first heard it, I couldn't work out whether or not the second cow was mad in thinking he was a squirrel/helicoptor or if the first cow was mad because he was talking to a squirrel/helicopter, thinking it was a cow...
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:34, Reply)

probably don't want to think about it too much...
why did the baker's hands smell?

because he needed (kneaded) a shit.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:41, Reply)

Who's the coolest guy in the hospital?
The ultra-sound guy.
(gin'll fix it, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:46, Reply)

@Nakedape & kia ora
What do you call a man with a cow and a pig on his head, standing between two houses?

Mohammed Ali
(gin'll fix it, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:47, Reply)

What do you call a man with a paper bag on his head?


Russel
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:11, Reply)

What do you call a woman with a tray of drinks on her head?
Beatrix.

And if she's playing pool with the drinks on her head?

Beatrix Potter.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:12, Reply)

How do you get a million Pikachu on a bus?
Pokemon!
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:12, Reply)

Did you hear about the snail who lived on a toilet seat?


He got pissed off...


(I've got far too many of these. I could, and just might carry on all day...)
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:13, Reply)

What do you call a gay dinosaur?

A Megasauras.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:15, Reply)

What's got 2 legs and bleeds?
Half a cat.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:15, Reply)

Calm down.
Liverpool FCs title challenge.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:21, Reply)

What's brown and sticky?
Dawn French's ringpiece.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:22, Reply)

I looked out my front window before work today and saw a man trying to steal my gate.

I was going to shout something but thought he might take offence.. (a fence)
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:24, Reply)

2 cows in a field
one says to the other 'Are you worried about this mad cow disease'?

The other cow says 'Fuck me, a talking cow!'
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:32, Reply)

What goes 'Mark, mark'?



Dog with a hair-lip.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:38, Reply)

'mark mark'
You made my tea squirt out my nose!
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:40, Reply)

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
BECAUSE IT WAS DEAD
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:41, Reply)

There are two parrotts on a perch

And one says to the other, can you smell fish?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:42, Reply)

Not funny at all.
What does a stripper do with her arsehole before she goes to work?

Finds his drum sticks and drops him off at band practice.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:45, Reply)

Why did the boy fall off his bike?


Because someone threw a fridge at him.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:47, Reply)

whats the difference
between a wank and anal sex?

One makes your day, the other makes your whole week
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:04, Reply)

An eskimo breaks down on his ski-doo

Naturally he is a member of the A.A.A- Arctic Automobile Association and so calls out a repair man.

After an hour in the snow a repair man arrives and starts to rummage under the bonnet.

After some time he looks up and says "you've blown a seal mate"

To which the awkward looking eskimo replies, "That's just snow in my moustache, honest!"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:18, Reply)

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he was dead.





Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?


Because he was stapled to the first monkey!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:21, Reply)

What's brown and sits on a wall...?

Humpty Dump.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:38, Reply)

What's white and slides across the disco floor...?

Cum Dancing.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:39, Reply)

How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts...?

Full of marijuana
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:40, Reply)

what do you call
a man with a spade on his head?


Doug
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:08, Reply)

I was taking a short cut across a field....

I was halfway across when the farmer approached me and said,

"Did you leave that small wooden step at the edge of my field?"

I replied, "No, it wasn't me, that's not my stile"
( Stu71 ....bad money dies, I love the scene, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:11, Reply)

Man looking in Burtons window
Says, "There's the one I'd get" and Cyclops comes out and kicks his head in.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:26, Reply)

Did you hear about the black Jew?
He was told to get to the back of the gas chamber.


*offends everyone*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:30, Reply)

what do you call someone stuck in one inch of snow ?






the english
( horace wimp needs more than 49 characters to fully express hi, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:30, Reply)

What goes 'Ooooooooooo'?



Cow with no lips.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:44, Reply)

oneinthepink
Are all your jokes about thpeech impedimenth?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:59, Reply)

Yeth
and fathial dithfigurement of animalth.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:05, Reply)

A Tractor
went down the road and turned into a field.

It was a magic tractor.
( ascorbate, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:14, Reply)

After this^^^

Big bloke walks into the pub…

Announces to everybody “I fucking HATE tractors! I used to love them, but now I fucking HATE them! GRRR! etc”

As he shouts, he surprises a man at the bar who then drops this huge bag of dust…which goes all over the place and everyone starts coughing their lungs up

Without saying another word, the big bloke stands in the middle of the room, goes ‘SCHLUUUUURP!’ and sucks up all the dust from the floor.

A bystander looks on in amazement until he can contain himself no more. He goes up to the big bloke and says “Excuse me, but HOW did you do that?”

“Weren’t you listening?” said the big bloke…

“I’m an extractor fan!”

\here all week
\veal
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:26, Reply)

Why did the girl fall off the swing?
because she had no arms
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:27, Reply)

Two fish in a tank
one turns to the other and says "how do you drive this thing?"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:28, Reply)

A man
walks down the street and sees a man at the bus stop with no arms or legs.

He shouts to him "hey mate, how are you getting on?"
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 22:34, Reply)