Update on my ISP moan
Here - b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post674127 I moaned about Pipex sending me a bill for something I didn't believe I owed. I wrote to them as I was advised and they wrote back saying "yep you owe us £128" no explanation of what it was or why it existed.

I just tried to call them, but they've changed their data protection questions to things I don't know as I left the account 2 years ago, so now they won't speak to me and I can't pay them even if I wanted to. The script monkey on the end of the phone could not see the irony of this.

Massive massive cunts!

ALt Q - What's better "The North" or "The South"?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:38, 135 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

south west is number 1
everything else is 2 or lower
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:40, Reply)

2 or lower...

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:41, Reply)

it's a quote
more or less
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:59, Reply)

I don't think I could live down south if Jeff himself begged me on his bended knees.
If anything I want to move further north.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:43, Reply)

but we have indoor loos down South...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:44, Reply)

So do we in the north.
We call them by their real name though. Baths.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:45, Reply)

"Beware the Bismark!"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:46, Reply)

I'll pee in the sink like I usually do.

( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Doesn't the balancing get tedious?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:47, Reply)

Tedious no.
Precarious yes.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:47, Reply)

Ah. the northern girl's love of a challenge.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:48, Reply)

I like North.
It has less South.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:46, Reply)

North north northity north
South is for pussies.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:49, Reply)

I don't mind the north
but the constant stench of poverty and chips does grate after a while.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Yes it is grate isn't it.

( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:52, Reply)

I don't mind the south
But the weapons-grade shirting that goes on does get a tad wearisome after a while.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:54, Reply)

It's a wonder everyone doesn't walk with their backs to the wall.
And every time I go to London, it's full of bloody foreigners.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:54, Reply)

That's only when they hear Al coming,
Ringing the little bell on his bike.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:55, Reply)

Not everyone eats chips you know.
I myself am quite partial to pie and peas. Which I eat whilst striking outside the mines in my flat cap and work boots, of course.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:53, Reply)

The idea of you dressed like this
is highly amusing.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:55, Reply)

I do actually own a flat cap
And doc martens. I haven't worn the cap in years though.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:56, Reply)

And you wonder why you're pregnant...

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:06, Reply)

Cos I haven't been wearing my flat cap?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:22, Reply)

Well, your cap...

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:49, Reply)

I read that as 'cat-flap'
and thought "Wow, she's really committed to this cat-shaving thing!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:16, Reply)

she once gazzed me a picture of a shaved cat
she told me it was something else though :(
( djtrialprice, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:17, Reply)

That'll learn you then, won't it!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:18, Reply)

Not really
I just moved on to the next HOT LADY B3TAN FROM THE INTERNETZ!
( djtrialprice, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:24, Reply)

And now you're up to 'S'

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:25, Reply)

Stupid?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:41, Reply)

I don't know any female B3tans beginning with 'S'
it might have to be 'T' for 'thick'.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:50, Reply)

Or Tourettes?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 16:23, Reply)

Spangolin

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Have we given up hope
with Snugglesnacks?
( djtrialprice, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 16:43, Reply)

Haha,
Its mostly my flatmate, no doubt she'll have a cat-flap in her house next year to entice unsuspecting felines.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:19, Reply)

They love butter

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:20, Reply)

I'm going to be passing all this on.
She'll love it.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:22, Reply)

Everywhere you go someone is trying to peddle their wares to you

or offering you numerous ferrets in exchange for you wife. you know all the children begging are part of a gang and the money goes to a brutal fagin character, but it's so hard to resist their little coal smeared faces.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:56, Reply)

You need to watch out for the cholera though.
And the dysentry. And make sure you boil all your water before you drink it.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:59, Reply)

The trouble with living in London
is it makes visiting the North feel like you're going abroad, because the people with funny, incomprehensible accents are everywhere, rather than just being lost tourists, and everything's cheaper. (Though on the plus side they're generally friendlier as well.)
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:52, Reply)

I'm quite partial to "east"

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:53, Reply)

Ah the land of a thousand fingers

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:55, Reply)

and they're all stuck up at you

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:58, Reply)

at
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:03, Reply)

I like both
And I manage to find very warm friendly southerners on my travels.
The only time I saw miserable southerners recently was in a small carriage on the train from Ely to Cambridge and I'm hoping it was a fluke or a portal thing.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 14:59, Reply)

When you live in the south-west everything above Cheltenham feels northern
Is Stoke classed as the north or is it still the midlands? Because I once went to Stoke and I have never been so relieved not to live in a place.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:00, Reply)

anything above bristol is northern
and shit.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:02, Reply)

Yeah, i'll go with that
and North Bristol is really shit, TAKE THAT FILTON!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:04, Reply)

This is true Filton is shit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:05, Reply)

parts of bristol are ok
my mate lives next to the downs (which made me snigger), but fucking hell it's a shit place to drive. the roads around his place are the narrowest I've ever seen, and I've driven through Polperro in Cornwall.

If I hadn't seen cars going through some of the gaps I wouldn't even have attempted them myself.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:06, Reply)

Yeah, the streets around Clifton downs are narrow with nose to tail parking everywhere.
it's all the rich students with their cars (some might have followed you up from Exeter, did they have wanky haircuts?)
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:09, Reply)

didn't see any wanky haircuts
there was an awesome sweary homeless muttering nutcase though.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:12, Reply)

I had to go on a business trip to Bristol once.
The taxi ride from Bristol Temple Meads station to the hotel was the most terrifying five minutes of my life, ever.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:17, Reply)

I can imagine
did ok on friday, but the other two times I drove into bristol I got lost for an hour and a half.

it's a ridiculous place.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:20, Reply)

I did the same with Stoke
and Hyde.
Shipman was a benevolent man, after all.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:02, Reply)

Oh, he was offing people in Stoke was he?
I bet you could get an appointment at his surgery though
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Hyde
I predicted a Bad Thing when I visited there before we knew what he was up to.
I think life in general is a Bad Thing for the poor people of Stoke.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:09, Reply)

Oi!
My family all come from round there!

They have a lot of broken pottery
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:32, Reply)

Reading this thread reminded me of the Song Northern Birds by Amateur Transplants.
It's here if you haven't heard it.
( Peej, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:01, Reply)

Ha!

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:04, Reply)

Living as I do, halfway up Scotland
all these flat cap-wearing whippet wranglers are southerners to me.

But the south is nice if you go far enough.

The south Pacific, for example.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:03, Reply)

let's just call them
northern southerners and southern southerners. I much prefer the latter. Better standards of hygiene, manners and intellect.
( djtrialprice, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:09, Reply)

That's only cos the best of our lot go south on a whim.
You'll all be sorry when they come home and you need new talent.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:12, Reply)

Well I'm a Scotsman who went south on a whim
and I'm going home when I tire of this pleasant climate and lack of violence and racism.
( djtrialprice, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:15, Reply)

But haven't you heard what's happened to Scotland?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:17, Reply)

go on...
Did it get condoned by any chance?
( djtrialprice, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:19, Reply)

Yes, it got condoned
and something else happened too
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:20, Reply)

I'm a southerner
but I live in Manchester and have a whippet, so I can't decide. I do hate tiny villages oop north, who all nosey in each other's (read: my) business, but that's probably true of tiny southern villages too.

The South pole has Santa and reindeer though, the North pole has fuck all. And they don't have northern fried chicken. Or Song of the North. The evidence speaks for itself really.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:04, Reply)

Doesn't Santa live at the North pole?
With his imported penguins

Also the North has some pretty lights
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:06, Reply)

did he?
whoops. Childhood lie fail. I hate Santa and don't care where he lives.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:42, Reply)

I thought Santa was at the North Pole?
somebody tell Lapland they've got it wrong
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:06, Reply)

fuck Santa.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:42, Reply)

The Midlands rule
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:05, Reply)

East or West?
Choose your answer wisely.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:07, Reply)

I live in the middle of the midlands

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:08, Reply)

The midlands is as far south as I've ever lived.

( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:11, Reply)

the south wouldn't have you anyway

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:15, Reply)

Probably not.
I'm far too nice for the south.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:23, Reply)

it actually amuses me to see all you silly northerners
going on about how the north is better.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:24, Reply)

Why?

( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:25, Reply)

because it isn't
:-P
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:26, Reply)

they really are mental
never before has a cliche been truer than "It's grim oop north"
( djtrialprice, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:26, Reply)

I think I showed you a very un-grim time oop north

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:28, Reply)

I bet he was "down south" while he was there though

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:30, Reply)

Shurrup, dirty ticket!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:31, Reply)

It can't be that grim or else we'd all be moving down south.
I love the north. I love the landscape, the people, the weather, everything.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:28, Reply)

that's what I love about the south (well, the south west anyway)
basically, everywhere is the same.

but devon is better
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:30, Reply)

The only thing you have in Devon is some nice coastline.

( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:31, Reply)

and the moors
and really it's two sets of really quite different and awesome coastline

not to mention much less violence and crime
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:32, Reply)

I say this in all seriousness but it's an emotional attachment I have to the north.
I know there are some nice places, people, landscape down south but my heart lies up here.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:34, Reply)

I know exactly what you mean
I honestly couldn't bring myself to move out of Devon, unless it was to Cornwall, or to another country.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:42, Reply)

Because it's less densely populated, perhaps?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:34, Reply)

Yup! to use the excuse of less crime is a bit silly.
What DG said.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:37, Reply)

I was referring to the cities
which have less in comparison to similar sized places.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:41, Reply)

Backtracker!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:43, Reply)

not really
more of an explanation :-P
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:44, Reply)

You didn't state it in your original post.
Therefore it's backtracking.

:-P
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:53, Reply)

weird northern logic...

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:54, Reply)

Best of all the logic!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:56, Reply)

Yeah!
What BGB said.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:30, Reply)

Bollocks.
Maybe 25 years ago, but not now. It really is a cliche that has outlived itself.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:31, Reply)

yeah I know
but it's so much fun winding up northerners (sorry, southern northeners)
( djtrialprice, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:41, Reply)

Whilst everyone knows that everyone who lives in the south
Is a raving, shandy-drinking shirter of the highest degree. Even the ones who originally lived in the north and moved to the south, because they absorb it by osmosis.

Photographic evidence of having a girlfriend on Facebook (say, in a punt) is no arguement against the theory because we have photoshop technology these days. Scratch the surface, and you'll see that the 'bird' pretending to be Roota is in fact a bloke called Gary who can do miraculous things with a bottle of baby lotion and a copper's truncheon, whilst getting pissed on half a pint of lager top.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:48, Reply)

I am SO Gary!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 16:46, Reply)

Whereas you silly southerners
are always going on about how much better the south is.

Forum banter innit?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:27, Reply)

that does amuse me too
but mainly because it should be obvious
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:28, Reply)

I have organised the UK for you, so taht you all know where you're talking about

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:15, Reply)

this is correct

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:15, Reply)

apart from
the stupidity of not resizing this / providing a link, I find it hard to disagree.
( djtrialprice, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:16, Reply)

I don't know how to do these things
and a link would have less impact, like only using 1 exclamation mark when you can use 4!!!!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:18, Reply)

"Remember: with exclamation points, it's one or none."
www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/11/03/
( djtrialprice, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:22, Reply)

Is this Monty's side project?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:26, Reply)

AweShirt
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:19, Reply)

LAUGH OUT LOUD

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:21, Reply)

fulesome
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:20, Reply)

this is my favourite theory
for like, ever or something
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:36, Reply)

alright rosielala
sorry bout your vehicular xx
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:42, Reply)

alright kristinalicious
yeah :( theyve just took it away and i ache so i cant do pissed dancing on my blagged day off an all. im gonna go for compo and blow it all on pimping my ride and cheap whores.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:47, Reply)

I don't think Norfolk should be counted as awesome.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:37, Reply)

I agree.
It's like one long flat corridor.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:38, Reply)

norfolk is an honorary part of the north

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:42, Reply)

I do agree, but the question was really supposed to be North/South based

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:42, Reply)

The south east of England
would be quite nice, were it not for the fact that it is home to a lot more people than live in the whole of Scotland. It takes ages to go anywhere. It's really rather crowded.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:53, Reply)

i dont get the bit about changing your data protection questions to things you dont know
did mam change her maiden name? mines fucking murder for that shit.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:53, Reply)

Rosario!!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:56, Reply)

oh girl, i ache and my car has been taken from me :(((((
totally on the cheap fizzy plonk right now
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 16:01, Reply)

Aw babe, bad news
Will they give you a replacement til it's fixed?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 16:02, Reply)

yer tomorrow they're dropping one off
if i end up paying out cos this prick doesn't claim responsibility im going to hunt him down and burn his children after cutting his missus a new minge.

ahoy! saw your boating pr0n on fb you looking HAWT BB
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 16:05, Reply)

BAD KARMA ON HIM
*puts it on hold in case he does the right thing*

Aw thank you my dear. I got a bit piddly but I didn't fall in ;)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 16:08, Reply)

Nah, they want to know how much my last payment was

I've trawled my online banking and it says £14:99, they say this is wrong. Not sure where to go from there as without they won't even speak to me.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 15:56, Reply)

look at me right nakedape, im the only one whos given a monkeys about your woes
everyone else sickens me.
id go talk to citizens advice or some other gay shit. they know their stuff man
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 16:00, Reply)

If I'm proved right I'm going to invoice rthem for all the time I've spent on this

and considering I cost £153/hour hopefully they will be bitter they ever fucked with NakedApe!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 16:06, Reply)

totally taking notes here
get them told.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 16:09, Reply)

i dread to think
what industry you're in to cost that much an hour
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 16:18, Reply)

Nothing that exciting, just a wee bit of marketing
What can i say I'm fucking L'Oreal
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 16:20, Reply)