LUNNNNCH
I've just spent about 5 minutes re-reading the really fucking weird cartoon on the FP.

Now I'm eating crisps.

If I discovered a new habitable planet I'd build a massive swimming pool with massive flumes and whirlpools and it would be totally awesome and then I'd have a guest list and bouncers and hardly anyone would be allowed in, because as last night proved 95% of people who are allowed in to swimming pools are utter fucking cunts who don't fucking appreciate some people go to the swimming pool to fucking SWIM, yes up and down boring boring for exercise and to unwind and we do not fucking appreciate you and your fucking greasy hair and stupid gawping girlfriend swimming ACROSS the pool lanes only to stop in the middle of the fucking pool and do fucking handstands that involve kicking everyone else int he fucking pool you utter utter cunts
*looks around*

Erm.. so yeah on my new planet B3ta what business would you run?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:43, 157 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sweetshop, definitely
Purveying mainly sherbert.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:45, Reply)

Dance studio
Obv.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:48, Reply)

I'd join

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:50, Reply)

You'd get a discount on private lessons

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:51, Reply)

How private?

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:10, Reply)

Private dance lessons by their definition are just the teacher and student. Or students.
Discount will vary according to whether or not you bring a partner
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:03, Reply)

Yeah? Well mine will be so private I'll leave the student in a room by him or herself for half an hour
And the charge them £50 to be let out. Bargain!
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Maybe this is way
you're not a successfull bussiness man.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:07, Reply)

I made quite a lot of money to start with
But for some reason the customers never come back for a second lesson...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:08, Reply)

You need some ads on TV
Something catchy.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:16, Reply)

That doesn't sound like fun
You'll have to give me a good price.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:06, Reply)

You want to learn Tango, right?
It'll be more fun with me than with an inexperienced partner
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:11, Reply)

You're starting to convince me
Where would it be?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:16, Reply)

Somewhere private, yet spacious
With a wall that revolved to reveal a really fucking nice double bed
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:23, Reply)

Hahaha!
I'm in!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:59, Reply)

bagsy pole classes

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Private Military Company

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:50, Reply)

Shouldn't we try and
make our new world a "better place"?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:51, Reply)

ha
Lab is assuming he is invited to my new planet
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:52, Reply)

If I am, I'll defend it.
If I'm not, I'll invade it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:53, Reply)

I like your username
But I don't like your hippy stance.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:52, Reply)

Just asking like?
Been evicted already though. No room for the considerate.

Rightly.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Best check with TGB that planet B3ta will have trees to hug

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Take away healthy tasty food

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:50, Reply)

So - still planning to visit the cloggies , are you?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Cloggies are the Dutch?
I'm not sure, I tried to find it in urbadictionary but it didn't have the entry, it took me to lekker, so I think it's the Dutch.

There's no much to plan. If they tell me to go, I'll start there on the 19th of July. That's as much as I know.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:14, Reply)

Well after the stuffing from the Spanish football team then. Good plan.
There's lots of vile racist names for other nationalities you can learn. Some are really offensive - mine is calling all Greeks/Cypriots/southern Turks 'greaseballs'. It's the lumping together of nationalities who dislike each other that's so inspired.
No difference is drawn between the Spanish and Portuguese - all 'dagoes' - now you may have no problems with either nation, but wouldn't want to be assumed to be either incorrectly.
You'll have found already calling an Englishman 'british' rubs the fur the wrong way, just as calling the Welsh, N.Irish or Scots 'English'. Much fun and bloody noses can be got from this.
It is essential to add 'no offence intended'. Of course.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:26, Reply)

Very interesting
You, British.

I hope we win on Sunday so I can rub it in if I go to Holland, rather than all of them making fun of me.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:28, Reply)

She's got, by George, I think she's got it!
Yes, I'm English. And the dagoes the Spanish team look invincible. I'll be with them all the way.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:32, Reply)

They did play very well yesterday
Maybe the fact that Torres wasn't there at the begining helped. I'm starting to get nervous for Sunday. I don't want to be too hopefull, just in case. Holand has been playing very well.

And you're not English, you're a guiri (note I don't even put capital letters there)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:42, Reply)

Attention to capitals appreciated - wossa guiri?
I asume it's Spanish for 'dough-faced spider legs coming over here vomiting on our beaches'.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Pretty good description
Add to that sunburn, socks & sandals, and you've got it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Ahh - the traditional british holiday!

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:24, Reply)

I would be Chief Remover of Bad Vibes
This may cause your removal from your own planet...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:51, Reply)

*sadface*
You'd evict me?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:52, Reply)

if you started being all sarky and narky, yes
I like you full of sunshine
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Toot, toot, Roota!
We shall pass like ships in the night, each steaming on unknowing.
That is, I'm getting back to work why aren't you?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:11, Reply)

That's pretty much why I stopped going swimming
that and my swimming buddy told me he pissed in the pool every time
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:52, Reply)

I hated the middle aged women who used to stand in a pile at one end chatting about fucking nothing, really messing up your attempts to do length

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Pfffffft
'do a length'
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:58, Reply)

hurr hurr, you said "do length"

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:58, Reply)

*cockfives*

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Ew

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)

it's alright
I wiped it first
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Oh Bert, I just cleaned those curtains!

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:02, Reply)

I used baby Rosie Ceildhbandh's bib

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

So you wiped it on a sheet of plastic covered in regurgitated breast milk and tears?

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

it makes me feel like a big man

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Isn't there enough partially curdled milk underneath your helmet already?
Adding more will just make you look old and incapable of taking care of yourself.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:09, Reply)

I polish my helmet 5 times a night
it's in pristine condition
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Ah, this would be how you make it glow in the dark
And attract moths to its dull, throbbing radiance
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:18, Reply)

You're getting awfully lippy
for a guy who looks like Sigourney Weaver's effeminate sister
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:24, Reply)

I don't know whether that's a more or less embarrassing comparison
than my friend telling me I look like a deformed version of Twiggy.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:31, Reply)

I'd say less
at least Sigourney has an element of masculinity about her
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Yes, but it's going to be more difficult to masturbate
If I see Sigourney staring back at me in the mirror
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:40, Reply)

shush you

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:02, Reply)

NO!
RAH RAH RAH RAH RAH!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

Want your bad romance...

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

Wow, I'm flattered, I really am!
Don't think it's appropriate though, as you're betrothed to Donkey Gums
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

betrothed sold
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:07, Reply)

He's not accepted yet!
At the moment I'm just slavering over him
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:09, Reply)

I have the answer
1. Get gym membership
2. Swim during quiet times or use the designated swimmers' lanes
3. Get fit
4. ??
5. Profit!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

Where ?? =
"Visit the pool during busy times to exact your frenzied revenge with an amphibious petrol-driven lawnmower."
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:14, Reply)

This is an excellent idea
Patent it NOW!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:26, Reply)

I am a member of the gym
they only have lane swim ONCE a week!! And the adult swim is at like 830 and I prefer to go straight from work :(

I may petition more lane swim days
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Yes. Petition time
Alternatively grow your toe nails so they scratch upon the ground and then you can dig them into passing swimmers.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Shit factory

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Cupcakery
with coffee.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Also, I enjoyed you calling me La-La-Lampito
It makes me think I should have a song, a la Ra-Ra-Rasputin. Possibly involving "b3ta's biggest inter-ho" or something.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:02, Reply)

*chortles*

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

How about La-La-La-Lampito
to the tune of that Parabalalabumber or whatever it is.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:25, Reply)

La bamba?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:42, Reply)

Mmmm cupcakes
Can I have mine with tea or chocolate, and made with so much love that they don't make you fat?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Yes. Low fat love
So much love that they'll destroy calories already consumed, like celery. Possibly.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:26, Reply)

Sounds perfect
I could have a massive pizza and then, to compensate, tons of cupcakes. You should definetily work on that recipe, it'll make you rich.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Pub
with microbrewery in the basement, naturally.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Brilliant
I approve of this.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

People will want a relaxing drink after a strenuous session in TGB's pool
Just think: a fresh start on a new planet, we can pretend that cheap, nasty, mass-produced lager never existed...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:08, Reply)

I approve of this also
Eurofizz lager would be erased from history in a manner akin to Mary Magdalen's betrothal.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Oh, yes!
I know someone who'll want to share the bussiness with you. Or you'll have to fight for a place in the market!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Now you mention it,
Markthebrewer will prove indispensable in creating fine wines out of the strange and exotic new fruits that await plucking on this new planet.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

(I'm obviously taking the strikethrough business too seriously this afternoon)
x r
pl f
+ like Darth
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:23, Reply)

Hahaha!
You strikethroughing yourself, very good.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:31, Reply)

You should try some of his beers
Like the chilli beer. That wasn't good at all. But we made a vainilla and chocolate beer which was magnificent. 1l bottle left, and I don't want to waste it, but I don't want it to get bad either.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:32, Reply)

Oh, we made a chilli beer as well!
Well, at least, when we barreled a batch of mild ale, we siphoned off three pints into a bottle and popped a scotch bonnet chilli in there. My housemate-and-brewing-partner thinks it's too hot.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Mark made 10 pints of it
and put 2 super spicy chillies, very well cut and with all the seeds in for brewing. They managed to drink half a pint between 5, and put the rest on the sink.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:46, Reply)

The escape committee.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Whorehouse.
And Charity-style shop, full of awful clothes, books no one reads and odd things.
I like those kind of places.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)

oh you'd be the best Madam ever
I'm seeing sequins and one of those flapper hats with a feather on it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:02, Reply)

I am wearing today:
a tropical print collared playsuit with padded shoulders and red ribbed tights. Sadly little glitter but I'm wearing a cameo ring
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:04, Reply)

smoking from a long cigarette holder

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

My friend (fellow b3tan, but not offtopicer)
looked at me a few weeks ago, and decided it'd suit me, thus he's buying me one for my birthday.

GET IN
Not going to hold him to it, he's probably forgotten.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

so I hear you want to marry me.
I don't blame you for feeling this way.

But, as a wife, what would you bring to this relationship?
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:02, Reply)

I'd let our wedding carriage be drawn by pugs.
And you can keep warm under my rolls of fat.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

this does sounds pretty awesome so far...
how many times in the night would you wake up and then scream at my inherent beauty?

Can you juggle?
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

Your beauty is so radiant that I think I'd be plastered against your nose the whole night
with my toes curled around your broom-on.

No, but I can get very drunk and fall over.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:08, Reply)

the date is set.
My dress will look beautiful ◕ ◡ ◕
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:11, Reply)

I'm kneedeep in my own gush

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:12, Reply)

Must...resist...strikethrough...

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:15, Reply)

Nah, fuck it...
Sometimes an open goal is an open goal.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:19, Reply)

FNAR FNAR

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

Fuck off.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:21, Reply)

CROW NO!
*scarpers*

_{That's fucking creepy, regardless of whether or not one claims to be a crow...}
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:22, Reply)

Did you watch the Family of Blood?
(the Doctor Who episodes where the Doctor was human and was being pursued by scarecrows) Fucked my shit right up. Was fantastic though.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:24, Reply)

I'd forgotten all about that one
Yeah, that one was kind of creepy. Though this was balanced by the hilarity of the institutional racism it also portrayed.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:28, Reply)

The young guy was kind of really, really hot.
I've got my house, btw. Exciting times in SE5.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:32, Reply)

Awesome. I guess you're statistically less likely to get attacked in Camberwell than in Bermondsey
I may have to visit at some point and frighten your housemates.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:38, Reply)

wedding under
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Pffft!

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:12, Reply)

pugs are very good at still life sketches

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:12, Reply)

Nothing still about Lampito's clopper

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:14, Reply)

Hmmn.
I'm not sure that shabbily dressed whores reading Peter Andre's biography is such a turn on.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

I buy many clothes from charity shops, I'm not THAT badly dressed...

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

I was of course referring to your prozzies...
...rather than implying you were shoddily clad.
*looks to see if backtracking worked*
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:47, Reply)

Oh for god's sake Tuggers,
A brand new planet, unfettered by humans, unravaged by our sordid history and unspoiled by our previous failings...do we really want to take with us reminders of the existence of Peter fucking Andre?
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:22, Reply)

As a reminder to count our blessings?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:42, Reply)

Ha! A cheap and nasty-looking Bakelite statue in the town square
of the insufferable little penis himself, underneath engraved the motto "LEST WE FORGET."
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:49, Reply)

TGB
What type of society will it be?
What type of economy?

Tell us, oh, founder.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)

communism

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

Not likely
TGB hates people.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

True
It will be a Badgership, like a dictatorship but a little more vicious
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:21, Reply)

With you in charge it'd be a 'dicktatorship'

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:21, Reply)

Kind of..
Sucky place to open a business. Still, a billion and half Chinese can't be wrong.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

I have to agree with the pool sentiments...
...and vent some rage against the teenagers who get annoyed because they can't keep up. Stop smoking fags and trying to impress your spotty mates and you might be able to beat the old gimmers in the fast lane.

I'd own my own bike shop. I probably wouldn't make much money, but it would be stocked with aluminium, titanium and carbon fibre exotica.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

and those really tight shorts too?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

Al would probably want to buy some

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

To the tune of 'Stacey's Mom'
Ally's wife is going to fuck her boss
it's all that she wants, and she's going to suck him off,
oh, Ally can't you see, it's just destiny,
I know I might be wrong, but Al's wife's going to fuck her boss
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:08, Reply)

Why was I reciting this in my head?
To the tune of "All that she wants"?

It took me ages to realise that it doesn't fit.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Because
All your Ace of Base are belong to us
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:10, Reply)

x r
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:10, Reply)

*grins*
You want to speak to Humpty Humpty Was Pushed about this kind of stuff...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:12, Reply)

Carbon fibre erotica?
I suppose I should remember the first rule of the internet, viz, 'if you can conceive of it, it's probably been done somewhere on the interweb,' but really? Really?
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I would sell anti gravity space chimps.
they'd just float about all AAEEEEEEE AEEEEE EEEE! not knowing what the fuck is going on.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

I could run the police on your new planet.
You would be very pleased with the results, I promise.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:10, Reply)

The underground anti-government bookshop
Where you'd only be allowed in if you could quote chunks of Chekhov, Hemmingway, Joyce or Woolf.

And there'd be a huge sign over the door saying 'Poseurs ONLY!'
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:11, Reply)

How about quoting from "Citizen Smith"?
Or reciting some political musings from Rick of the Young Ones?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:13, Reply)

Hmm....
Only if they're good looking and bring coffee.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:15, Reply)

Or fruit tea?

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Yes, I suppose that's sufficiently poncey for me.
And they'd have to bring madeleines too.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:29, Reply)

An upscale escort service.
It'd be all suits and ties and lovely looking ladies, not dressed like common trollops.
They'd be the epitome of class in public and be the best at getting busy behind doors.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:11, Reply)

-hisses-
We'll be rivals.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:13, Reply)

unlikely as you're running a whorehouse

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:17, Reply)

Both selling sex. Hmm.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:22, Reply)

yes and no
you provide sex on the fly, I provide companionship
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:37, Reply)

I vote for the dirty sex ladies.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:49, Reply)

I know, everyone loves Lampito

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)

It's just that I already have access to...
...well dressed and mannered ladies as it is. If I want companionship I certainly don't want to pay for it and find the thought strangely immoral.
Plus if you accidentally cut out the tongue and heart of a low end prossie the police don't really try so hard to find the culprit.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:21, Reply)

that's a fair enough point
I'd quite prefer that you don't cut out the heart or tongue of my girls, they're quite expensive
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:29, Reply)

Why of course.
I would never mutilate a woman of breeding.
unless she looked like mummy
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:51, Reply)

Drum shop
with lots and lots of shiny new drums
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Can I run the mint please?
That's usually the best job.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 13:45, Reply)

What will you call our new currency?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:09, Reply)

The scrote?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Life-coaching
Better, happier living through music appreciation, surfing and MASSIVE DRUGS

"You too can feel Vipros levels of smugness"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:15, Reply)

That sounds good.
OK if I just hang out and laugh at your customers?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:23, Reply)

And the croissants?

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:24, Reply)

croissants would be provided at graduation

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:29, Reply)