Well, this week has gotten off to a mixed start
On the one hand, I have a date tomorrow, I'm going to Edinburgh on wednesday to shop in the most awesome vintage emporium, judging from the photos on fb I did the right thing skipping an old friend's birthday and I'm going to be getting drunk with Lampito and Kitty at some point very soon.
On the other, I just slipped and stabbed myself in the ear putting my earrings in and now it's like my earlobe is having a period everywhere.

Tell me about your mixed mondays.
Alt Q: What's your favourite thing about yourself, and what's the one thing you would change?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 12:55, 219 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My breasts are pretty cool
only thing I'd change is my pants
( broadsword, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 12:57, Reply)

My favourite thing is my awesome photoshop skills

(I'm going to keep posting until I am SURE wookiee has seen it)
I'd change nothing I am so totally mega-awesome.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Hahaha!
This is my favourite thing ever.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Al was such a pretty bride.
Shame the night ended up at the hospital as he dived face first into the cake and choked on the tiny groom placed on the top
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

Rookie error,
Leaving him unrestrained around a giant cake.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

My monday's going well,
I've got loads of work to do but I don't really give a shit.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Your date is unnecessary
as I have just looked at your profile and decided that we are meant to be together.

Favourite thing about myself: My enormous penis.
Thing I would change: I just care too darn much
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Gaz me for tips

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:02, Reply)

better yet
I'll gaz her my tip
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

Pro tip:
get a picture off the internet to post to her.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:04, Reply)

+shop yourself into it
preferably a photo of her at a wedding or somesuch
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:08, Reply)

Sorry Bert, you're just not my type.
It would only end in tears.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

sexy tears
I'm everybody's type, I'd totally rock your world
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

Are you a short, ginger-ish indie boy with a fringe and a check shirt?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

if that's what you want me to be

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:08, Reply)

Start sewing yourself into a pair of skinny jeans then.
Come on man, I don't have all day.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:17, Reply)

I can't do skinny jeans
my legs are the only place on my body that I have any muscle, and the crotches are too restrictive
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

Then I'm afraid you've dipped.
Skinny jeans are a staple of my man diet.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:24, Reply)

I would be suspicious of men in skinny jeans
I tried a pair on once and thought, 'but where is my cock going to fit in these?' The only option would have been to keep the zip open and tuck it into the pocket.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:27, Reply)

this^
Also, they are for females.

EDIT but she's only a teenager, kids eh? She'll learn
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I'm with Applebite
skinny jeans are nice. Not a prerequisite but certainly nice. However since I can't wear skinny jeans myself I can hardly request that others do
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

but you're also young, aren't you?
Nobody under 22 should wear them, and certainly no men
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:32, Reply)

You mean noone over 22?

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:33, Reply)

that I do







cunt
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:34, Reply)

:-)
Since I'm rapidly discovering this afternoon that I'm now 30 and hideously out of touch on what the ladies like these days (skinny jeans? Really?) I'm contenting myself with pointless pedantry.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Skinny jeans are the work of Satan,
When I was a teenager it was all about the baggiest jeans ever and I cant get away from it. I will always buy jeans a little bigger than I need so the crotch is low and baggy. But I do pull them up cause there is nothing worse than seeing man pants!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

No! A little bit of boxer is good.
Not vast expanses, that's just silly. But I like a little peak.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:59, Reply)

I agree
a nice bit of waistband is sexy. Seeing the whole cloth-covered arse is so three years ago and looks silly.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:14, Reply)

I can't either though.
I look like I'm walking round on pins. I rock flares though.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:40, Reply)

My ex thought I would look good in them
She was wrong; so very wrong.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:32, Reply)

one of the funniest moments of my life
was my brother coming to me for style advice. I helped him pick out some good stuff. And then I had a quiet joke and advised him to buy two pairs of skinny jeans, one with a snakeskin pattern. He is thin, but he is also six foot three.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Haha, he would either have looked awesome or a massive twat
My friend's boyfriend was out for my birthday piss up last week in 2" high purple suede winklepickers and his tache waxed up like Eugene Hutz from Gogol Bordello. Somehow he didn't look ridiculous. It does help that he's 6'3" and covered in tattoos as well.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:40, Reply)

sadly for him
it was on the massive twat spectrum. Not helped by the fact his hairdresser had given him an emo haircut. He looked like a moody python.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Bless
Remind me never to ask you for style tips then!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:44, Reply)

But I'm amazing
my own style is shit. But I'm fantastic at making other people look good. He looked really good, the python jeans were my own quiet joke
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Nowt wrong with your style I don't think
But then I'm a terrible judge, and old and beyond help.
T-Shirt, jeans, that's it for me.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:47, Reply)

I'm getting a steel panther vibe.
You should have also convinced him to grow an enormous back combed mullet and rip all the sleeves off his t-shirts.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:42, Reply)

now that would have been awesome
but he now mistrusts my advice thanks to the python skinny jeans (they were quite shiny as well)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Curses!
Make him do it for halloween then.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:47, Reply)

after the emo haircut (now gone)
I doubt he has enough for a mullet. But I'd help him backcomb it and spike it a bit, rip off the sleeves from an old Iron Maiden t-shirt, and some really stupid retro trainers
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:49, Reply)

we don't want to hear about your sex toys.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:46, Reply)

'Tears' as in seepage from the eye duct?
Or 'tears' as in ripping?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:13, Reply)

Eye seepage!
EYE SEEPAGE!
The other one is too horrible to think about
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:18, Reply)

I suggest you find me a high neck vintage waistcoat, preferrably in a dark grey
and then buy it and post it to me
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Erm, I'll have a look.
I genuinely will. Any excuse to spend more time in there.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:04, Reply)

:-)
don't blame you. vintage clothes emporiums (emporia?) are cool
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

This one is super mega awesome.
It's not just hideous 80's crap like a lot of places, it actually has really old stuff, like 20s dresses, real life cloaks and Edwardian jackets.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:21, Reply)

See if they have any made out of croissants

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

see if they have any made of
SHUT THE HELL UP!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:12, Reply)

hahahahaha

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:15, Reply)

:-P
how are you?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:18, Reply)

not too bad thanks
can't be assed today. You?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:28, Reply)

slept shit last night, but other than pretty good
software is pissing me right off at the moment
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Mixed Monday II: Scouse-Sitter
Got into the office to discover no electricity.
Had to go downstairs and work in the back office near the meat counter.

I'm waiting for news on a decision which will tell me whether there's anything to actually wait for. It's very important and I can't make any plans or do any sums without it.

I've also done lots of work but still have gazillions to do.

Alt Q: Boobs or eyes are my faves. Feet are ok when I've grated and moisturised them.
I would make my nose less like an elbow or my arse less like the moon.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:02, Reply)

My favourite thing is my deserved narcissism
I wouldn't change one thing. I don't have a hunchback or waft of onion and desperation like most the guys on here.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:07, Reply)

actually I would like shopping trolley wheel feet though, that could be fun.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:08, Reply)

You do look like Chers abortion though

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:08, Reply)

you can shut up, you cussing me about looks is like a Down's syndrome commenting that Naomi Campbell doesn't walk very well.
You look like someone beat up a geography teacher with a bicycle pump.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:10, Reply)

You're missing an A, which is suprising because that's what you say about 85% of the time
even on your own while walking around like a butt fucked tranny because your jeans are so tight your balls now resemble a couple of hairy 2p coins.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:13, Reply)

this doesn't make much sense.

You look like a toddler who was forced to grow up too fast and was fed on a diet of fists, hate and lettuce.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Bald. By. 30.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:14, Reply)

My hair ain't going anywhere for at least another 20 years, it's well thick and lush.
Anyway, shut up Gonz. you've hot shit hair. You can only have it in two styles.

'Pube Collection'

or

'Concentration Camp Victim'
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:18, Reply)

It's quite thin though, been getting thinner over the years, all those products can't be good.
I reckon you've got at most 10 years left until the first baldspots appear, the gray'ing you can do something about, but not the thinning, well, I suppose you could get the mascara out.

Oh yeah', of COURSE it was 100% your choice to have a skinhead at 31, yeah' "Fancied a change", sure thing mate.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:21, Reply)

haha :D
It's just normal, but compared to your mess of a headbound bollock 'fro I might as well be bald. Your hair is fucking bulletproof. You could clean up the BP oil spill with just one dip.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Women _love_ the jewfro', something to grab onto.
Have you ever tried tying your hair around your cock and started head-banging?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Nah, my hair that long anymore :(
I might try and stretch it out tonight though bro. I'll report back in the morning.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:31, Reply)

Sad Times.
How's The Pro Curcit coming along? I fully expect for you to have a DVD in the bargin-bin at One Stop by the end of the year, need something to give to Nan for christmas.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Not pro circuit yet dude. Still got to get on the books. It's all open mics still atm with offers of paid gigs.
We shall see. I've got a few ideas up my sleeve too. If my sitcom comes into play I'll base a character off you.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:39, Reply)

I may have some contacts that will help on the sit com thing
I'll talk to you if I make it down on wednesday.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:47, Reply)

awesometowns

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:55, Reply)

don't get your hopes up, not agents or anything
just people that could give you some advice.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:00, Reply)

Ah', cool, I donno how it works really, I'll be up for doing a bit of acting though if it does all come off.
I guess most of it is a matter of getting the right contacts and being seen in the right places, can't be easy to make a living out of it.

But saying that, if those fucking awful fat birds can get a show comisioned on BBC3, like Katie Brand, then it shows it ain't impossible. God, she's fucking awful, I don't think she's ever raised a smile from me.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:49, Reply)

don't believe it
it's fucking difficult. I've been trying for ages (sitcom not a talk show)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

fucking hell is everyone I know trying to write a sit com.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:51, Reply)

people think it's easy
it really really isn't :(
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Yeah I know, I've read some of my friends scripts.
and seen some of their pilots, being good on paper is hard enough but then putting it on screen...
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:53, Reply)

indeed
there is no way I would ever even try and film so much as a scene as a sample. I'm alright at writing and I've been told it's quite funny (wrote two different ones) but it's a monster to get into
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:54, Reply)

I guess the trouble is, anyone with a Youtube account and a webcam thinks they can hit the big screen.
I just don't get how Katy Brand got her show, she must be seriously good at noshing off nob.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)

you need to remember that that sort of thing is aimed at the average person
and the average person is thick as fuck

look how well Gavin and Stacey has done. It's fucking dire.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Gavin and Stacey
depresses me. It makes me want to write stuff that is warm and cuddly and utter utter shit just so I have a chance
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:00, Reply)

1.bp.blogspot.com/_3j-x-qDO17A/S6_IeAHX68I/AAAAAAAAAF0/GYjfKwvtzMw/s1600/Terry+Nutkins.jpg
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I'd die a happy man if I ended up like Nutkins

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Partially digitted?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:34, Reply)

bitten by an otter in the bath,
that was a romantic night doomed from the start.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:40, Reply)

haha!
Why's everyone picking on Gums today, did he done something bad?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:21, Reply)

We're just giving him some material for his stand up
he needs all the help he can get because although people throwing bottles at his face will probably help the chairs and tables could cause some damage.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Nah, we do it all the time :) it's funny :)
EDIT: But what I say is totally true PsychoChomp, He looks like a crippled Teddy Ruckspin.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Well he's not done me
:(
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:25, Reply)

but everyone else has

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:27, Reply)

I haven't
she wouldn't have me :( sad times
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:29, Reply)

She's only interested if you say no.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:32, Reply)

you ought to have that tattoo'd on your arm

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:33, Reply)

I've got enough mental scars

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:42, Reply)

/emo
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:49, Reply)

We'll do it soon :)

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Sorry, you've been double dibbled.
I would be scared to catch their curses with the opposite sex via the proxy of nob contact.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Actually, that's true
Most if not all of the men who've put their pee pee near my vajayjay have had little or no luck with women afterwards.

Well, we have our suspicions one was gay, several were autistic and one's gorgeous but lacks attractiveness.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Monday? It's Monday?
Most of my days blur into a paste of mediocrity and similarity.
A never ending whirl of housework and cooking. *Sigh*.

Best: I give wonderful hugs.
Change: I like Bert.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:10, Reply)

EXAM RESULTS CAME IN
and seeing as I did them with massive brain-mess, I'm pretty darn happy.
Well, I would be, but I'm still not feeling properly so it's more :J than :D

Favourite thing: Very little
Change: An awful lot.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:13, Reply)

You have a candy cane in your mouth? :J

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:15, Reply)

A half smile.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:18, Reply)

It's a snorkle.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:38, Reply)

don't be so lame
convince yourself that you're beautiful by sleeping with everyone that you can get your hands on, look in the mirror every day and shout 'I'm a fucking lovely princess', and punch anyway who says otherwise
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Is this what works for you?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:17, Reply)

I'm a fucking lovely princess

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

Yes dear.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:23, Reply)

I'm going to prove to you that we're meant to be together
just you wait and see*

please bear in mind that anything I do from now on will only be meant in jest, you are a) too young for me, and b) out of my league
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Haha, thanks for the clarification.
I am glad.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:26, Reply)

Don't be.
He means every word he says.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Is it too late to run away?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Yes.

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Shit.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

I really do
I have something awesom in mind for applebite now, she's going to be proper impressed
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Shit shit shit.
I'm proper terrified already.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

I'm fairly certain it will make you laugh
as I will be sending myself up, not you
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Use the colours red and black
she goes a bit mental if you don't.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:54, Reply)

noted
I just need a tiny ginger wig
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:56, Reply)

Oh dear god, I do not like the sound of this,

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:02, Reply)

And sky blue.
DON'T FORGET THE BLUE!!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Fuck's sake
demanding little tart, aren't we?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:05, Reply)

You have no idea.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:10, Reply)

^this sort of mental

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:05, Reply)

don't knock the mental
mental is usually the best sex you can ever have
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:11, Reply)

I used to think that
but you just need to get lucky.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:12, Reply)

Nah
I need to be locked away somewhere secure, where nobody can be molested by me ever again
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Hahahahahahaha
that will certainly work.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

Yay! Congratumalations

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Cheers honey.
Looking forward to cheap booze and chatter.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

well done
I'm glad they went well
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:21, Reply)

Not exactly WELL
I ended up getting a 2:2 in Second Year ancient Greek with no revision, that's not tooooo bad.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:23, Reply)

what are you talking about?
that's amazing. I'm generally a low 2.1 or 2.2. In my one and only Ancient Greek history module I scraped a third
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:23, Reply)

But that's Oxford.
2.1 is like WOAAAAAH.

R__ got a 2.1 and sulked, and blamed fancying some unobtainable girl on fucking up his exams. I am sensible, I try to keep that out of exam season.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:25, Reply)

but a third?
I had to retake :(
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:27, Reply)

Congratulations
A 2.2 is not to be sniffed at, especially if you didn't revise for it. And there's no harm in getting a third on one module if your average is still around a 2.2/2.1.

Anyone who gets a 2.1 and sulks needs to get a grip on reality. Or I'll slap them across the face with my "2.1."
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:47, Reply)

I donno if you can put ".... but I didn't revise for it" on your CV.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

This is true
Still, it's only her first year, and they only ever count for a tiny fraction of the whole degree. If she can get a 2.2 without revising for it then it's probably a promising start.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:58, Reply)

worked for me

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:17, Reply)

I told him that.
I'm right, he is living in Baron's Court.

I got 3 2:1s, a 2:2 and a First. Not that bad, really.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:15, Reply)

Hehe, it will amuse me if he has the same landlord I used to rent from (harmless charlatan, resulted in many amusing stories that T and I still reminisce about to this day)
Not that bad? I'd say that's a bloody good start. Nicely done.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:24, Reply)

Me too!
5th won't know what hit it.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:28, Reply)

Going there tonight
FUCK. YES.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:16, Reply)

I like my eyes
and I'd change my legs, and my habit of saying inappropriate things
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:18, Reply)

Good grief
I'm going to say the second thing here applies to me too.

My mouth/typing hand gets a wee bit carried away at times
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:24, Reply)

lets see, I was woah tired this morning and didn't want to get up, took my dog out and she stepped in her own fresh poo
so as I cursed and forced her onto a chain so I could clean her I though, ffs this better not be an indication of how my day will go...but generally mondays are pretty good. They usually go by faster than any other day of the week.

favorite thing about myself is I can make everyone laugh, well IRL at least
thing I would change...I'd like larger breasts, please.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:19, Reply)

hahahahahahaha and now my boss has informed me that my car has a flat
LOVELY
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:22, Reply)

changing tyres is easy, you'll be fine
I'd like larger breasts too
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:33, Reply)

I know I'll be fine, I change them all the time
I work in an auto garage, after all
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:36, Reply)

I've been thinking about what I like about myself
And I've come to the decision, it's the fact that I'm a pretty fucking nice guy.

At the minute I'm having a massive fall out with a friend of mine, because she refuses to listen to logic, and I'm not a twat who'll just tell people what they want to hear, they should have grown out of that by now. And when she inevitably gets hurt again, I'll be the first one there to help her.

My current housemate is an absolute fucking waster, but I gave him 2 weeks to move out, rather than just kicking him out the fucking door, the useless twat.

I'll always help friends out, and never hesitate to forgive anyone when they're genuinely sorry.

Change? I wish I was able to be more confident in myself, but that's about as likely as...well, a not very likely thing.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

You are a very nice man
Trufax.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:24, Reply)

Oh fuck off, emo
give me my crown back
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Emo indicates I'm complaining about everyday life
Pretty much that entire post is about me being awesome.

So fuck you Bert, you whiney, insignificant son of a whore

Love you too
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:46, Reply)

"Change? I wish I was able to be more confident in myself, but that's about as likely as...well, a not very likely thing"
You whiney, pissy little girl. Get the hell out of my face and grow a pair.

love you too, roughly. From behind.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:47, Reply)

My lack of confidence makes no difference in my life, it'd just be easier if I wasn't always concerned about how much of a twat I'm looking
I grew a pair when I was in the womb, thought you touched enough kids to know that?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:51, Reply)

that was the most feeble, limp-wristed attempt at an insult I've ever had to force myself to read
I'm not even going to go to the effort of trying to think of a suitable reply. Try harder
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:53, Reply)

Shut it, Thatcher

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:58, Reply)

that's an even worse attempt

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:01, Reply)

*does that thing where you make a fist and put it under your other arm*
Go on, love. 'ave 'im
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:04, Reply)

sorry
no defending here. Just less of the Thatcher bashing. If you want to laugh at anyone, make it John Major
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:12, Reply)

John Major is both more entertaining, and funnier than Bert

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:14, Reply)

a friend met John Major
at a lunch a few months back. Said he was funny and self deprecating
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:15, Reply)

AA only tries to bully me
because he was sexually abused by his father when he was little
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:16, Reply)

Nah, I was too ugly to molest

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:25, Reply)

emo

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:28, Reply)

My Monday is fine
In Scotland for another week so get to laze about all week and talk to cunts lovely people on the webs.

My favourite thing is probably my eyes. I would change my nose, it's a bit big I reckon.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:22, Reply)

Best thing about myself is my sense of humour.
I wish I could change my lack of self esteem.


Monday is ok so far.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:27, Reply)

Hello Blousie
How's your good self?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Fair to middling.
Is your party extravaganza finished now?
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:37, Reply)

It is sadly
It ended at 3am on Sunday morning when a guy threatened to knife me up the nostril while I was pissing against a hedge.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:42, Reply)

haha!
Finish with a bang and not a whimper.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Too right
"Are you taking the piss?"
"No, I'm taking a piss!"
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:04, Reply)

Start acting your age

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:06, Reply)

Monday just became awesome when the Adrian Mole guy at work just walked out of the toilet with toilet paper sticking out the back of his trousers.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Leave the Mole alone!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:37, Reply)

+it might be cancer

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:37, Reply)

I got a mole cut off because it went all funny

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:38, Reply)

was it tellling mother in law jokes?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:39, Reply)

was it a Frankie Boyle?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Or Frankie Carson-ogenic?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:42, Reply)

It was Marti Caine

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:42, Reply)

I don't get it?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Here
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:53, Reply)

I know who she is
are you making a reference to the fact that she died of cancer? Because that's bang out of order
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:55, Reply)

It's ok
I'm not you and she's not a B3tan so nobody will call me a cunt
apart from you
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Aw, I don't mean it
but seriously, Marti Caine was my aunt, so that's relly out of order. I'm upset and ting.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:03, Reply)

Ah but I didn't know she was your aunt
Now I know she's your aunt and I'm going to laugh at her cancer, but it'll probably be ok.
Nobody really minds personal stuff on here. Unless they've decided they don't like you anyway.
Actually this could be a litmus test to see if I'm hated or loved.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:06, Reply)

You're loved
and Marti Caine wasn't really my aunt, I was lying on the internet
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:10, Reply)

Shit!
You trickster you.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:16, Reply)

these pun threads are better with more than one person
:(
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:43, Reply)

The Mole is alright, I dont think it's cancer more absent minded wiping.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:44, Reply)

*spang*

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:43, Reply)

I'm on a boring course boo
but get a free lunch yay
but I had a salad boo
but a chocolate mousse for afters yay
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:35, Reply)

And you don't have a spurty cock on your neck, yay!
Or do you?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:38, Reply)

not any more
I do this washing thing, it's kind of a family tradition.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 15:25, Reply)

Monday...
Started poorly following a massive techno-flounce. My phone has been borked all weekend, which has been very frustrating as I needed to reply to a vaguely important text, or at least extract the guy's number to call him back. Fortunately he emailed me this morning, although my computer had a paddy loading the email bringing me very close to putting on my frumpiest dress and having a big flounce round the department.

But it's been alright apart from that. My supervisor's not in, which brings the temptation to bugger off early and "work from home." Couple of things I really should do before that though.

I seem to be collecting insect bites. I've noticed that insects seem to go preferentially for women, which makes me wonder whether I'm becoming progressively more feminine. Or maybe my techno-flounce has made me reek of oestrogen.

Favourite thing: I am quite fond of my hair.
Change: Would prefer more structural support for my enormously limp wrists.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Hahaha, carpal tunnel fail!

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:58, Reply)

You do have lovely hair.
Loreal or Pantene?
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:59, Reply)

*looks sheepish*
Morrison's own-brand anti-dandruff.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:03, Reply)

Gosh really?
Well it seems to work for you.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:08, Reply)

It's not as bad as its vastly smaller price tag
and depressing supermarket-own-brand packaging would suggest. Or I could just have been unfeasibly lucky.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:09, Reply)

I use to wash mine with washing up liquid when it was really short.

( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:11, Reply)

I guess they're both designed to do the same sort of thing
But did it not make your scalp really itchy?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:12, Reply)

No.
I sometimes used lots of wax and the only thing that got it out was washing up liquid. Then I used basic cheap shampoo. Now it's long I buy expensive stuff but my hair is still shit.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:14, Reply)

WPOTD

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:20, Reply)

It's very difficult to answer this question honestly without going spectacularly emo
and no-one wants that. However it will surprise no-one to hear that my favourite thing about myself is my girlfriend. The thing I'd change is the ridiculous tattoo I got in my excitement at finishing the run yesterday. Didn't think it through
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:03, Reply)

Tattoo?
Pictures please!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:06, Reply)

Sorry guys
I was kidding. And when I thought it up it was fookin' HILARIOUS. Then I had to leave my desk and have the life drained out of me by training, and now it's not funny any more
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 15:10, Reply)

I expect I'll regret you
But the skin-graft man won't get you
You'll be there when I die,
Tattoooooo, etc.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:07, Reply)

Mixed, my arse: totally shit day
Started with a cricked neck and has not improved.

Alt: I have a good record collection, but other than that I am wholly without merit.

:(
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:10, Reply)

What about your daddy skillz?

( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:12, Reply)

They're shit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:17, Reply)

I doubt that.

( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Every time I see those Lloyds Bank advertisements
about saving for your children’s futures I want to cry.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:24, Reply)

Don't sweat it.
They're just advertisments for banks to make you feel guilty that you're not sticking all your spare cash in their coffers.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Dunno man, you have a daughter to look after and an ex wife to piss off, thats a man with a mission if you ask me.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:13, Reply)

Less of this, man, less of this!
Your triumphantly flapping hair is a monument to what can be achieved by not getting a haircut, and I will not hear it spoken ill of.

Your grammatical pedantry keeps the cave-dwelling denizens of this board in check, lest it should drown in a sea of incoherent and illegible posts.

You were also, I'm sure, one of the first people to reassure me that I wasn't the only person on this foul earth who believed that the Beatles and Bowie were talentless wankers. It meant a lot to know I wasn't alone *sniffs*
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Cheers old chap.
Not in the best of nick at the moment...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:58, Reply)

I like you
and I hate nearly everyone.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Thank you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:57, Reply)

You really are a whiny bitch.
MTFU and drop your strides. No lube for you.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 12 Jul 2010, 15:00, Reply)