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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Just for fun
who are your top 3 celebrities you want to bump uglies with?

Mine are

Keira Knightley
Natalie Portman
Konnie Huq

Alt Q, what was your worst shag?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:03, 350 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
Worst shag
Ian Hislop*. Great conversation over breakfast though.


*For the guillible, the above was lies. He was excellent
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:10, Reply)
pity post!
Ryan Reynolds
Timothy Elephant (I can't be bothered to find how to spell his actual name)
Angelina Jolie
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:11, Reply)
Olyphant I think

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:12, Reply)
But you totally knew who I meant when I said Elephant
because you luuuuurve him
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:12, Reply)
No, I do not
I just remember him from Hitman and Die Hard 4.0.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:16, Reply)
I liked him in Gone In 60 Seconds
And is it just me, or was Hitman far better than you expected it to be?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:18, Reply)
I expected utter toss
It was poor to average, therefore far better than I expected.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:19, Reply)
My thoughts exactly

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:20, Reply)
wh owas he in gone in 60 seconds

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:25, Reply)
One of the 2 detectives

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)
The one that isn't black?

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:32, Reply)
Yep

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:38, Reply)
hahahaha fair enough!

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:39, Reply)
I was just about to write that!

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)
Not a fan of breasts then?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:11, Reply)
Alt Q:
When I lost my V plates. I was set upon by a crazed girl who wanted me to slap her in the face as we fucked, and then scratched the hell out of my back. Still, it meant that I didn't have to worry about coming too soon, but I did have to worry about being able to maintain sufficient rigidity while essentially being mauled.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:19, Reply)
This post explains so, so much about you

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:21, Reply)
I know, right?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:25, Reply)
Would you like a hug?
I promise not to scratch you
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:26, Reply)
Please
I could do with one.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)
Awwww
We should totally meet for a pint at the weekend and I'll give you a special hugaroo
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:30, Reply)
Aww that'd be lovely
But the missus has a rare weekend off, so we're going to do something.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:33, Reply)
I'm like totally shocked you have once again ditched me for her
I am so shocked my mouth got so wide it swallowed my face
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)
It's just immensely bad timing!
And I haven't ditched you, I'd already made plans with her. I promise we'll meet up one weekend soon for a drink. I'll even buy you lunch!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:39, Reply)
Lobster?

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)
Sorry, I'm losing reception
Kssshhhh-oing under-sssh-bridge-sssshhhh beepbeepbeep.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)
I'm so slashing your tyres later

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)
i like boobs but i like bums more

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)
*waits for a Bumder alert*

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:28, Reply)
My first boyfriend
the 47 second wonder. And yes, it was so bad I had nothing better to do than watch the clock tick.
(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:12, Reply)
I really don't get that at all.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:13, Reply)
My first boyfriend
was always so nervous that he'd wear 2 condoms at the same time and still manage to come before getting inside me. Not only the 1st time, but for the 3 years we were together.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:15, Reply)
why did you stay with him for three years?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:16, Reply)
there's more to life than sex
though three years does seem excessive
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:17, Reply)
Yes I know that, but still that shows a lack of effort on his part to sort out the obvious problem.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:19, Reply)
true
I certainly wouldn't have stayed for three years, or if I did I just wouldn't have sex with him at all, and see how long it took him to break up with me
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:20, Reply)
Typical womens passive aggressive response.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:21, Reply)
if you say so
I'm not passive-aggressive, I'd just be interested to see, particularly if I had nobody else I was interested in
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:23, Reply)
Yeah treat them like shit for no other reason than it interests you...
Snakes
with
tits
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:23, Reply)
how's it treating them like shit?
People have choices how to react in a relationship. And since yes I basically deal with things like a man, I can't be arsed with the inevitable weeping and 'I can change' when things go wrong.

It was a jokey response, given that I've never been broken up with, always done the breaking up, might be nice to try the other way round
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:26, Reply)
How can you think a reply describing women as snakes with tits was anything apart from a joke?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:30, Reply)
Medusa Porn

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:30, Reply)
^this
you've been visiting the wrong sites Chompy
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:32, Reply)
Lamia porn
Medusa was more tits with snakes.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)
that's such a bloke thing to do
not a typical girl thing.

Tentacleface said it just the other day.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:24, Reply)
Oh yeah witholding sex is a typical bloke thing to do

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:26, Reply)
how can they not see that you are right about this?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:28, Reply)
Their brains are 25% smaller than ours.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:30, Reply)
the size of brain has no bearing on its capacity
lollypop head.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:34, Reply)
Of course it does,
what you mean is that the capacity of the mind isn't directly related to intelligence
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)
you're shit and dull and I hate you.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
oh I meant the second bit
about seeing how long they put up with bad behaviour before dumping you.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:34, Reply)
He didn't want to have sex
I was his flower and he didn't want to spoil me. As I said, he was a bit crazy.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:33, Reply)

bit crazy MASSIVE BUMDER IN DENIAL
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:38, Reply)
he sounds like a right mental!

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
He was good with his fingers
And he was a poet. Everything was somber and bad, you know, always depressed and that. He kept saying I was the only bit of light in his world. He was quite mad, but not the maddest of my boys...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:19, Reply)
Sounds like a dullard, to be honest.
I can't stand that "You are the light of my life, when I look up at the moon when I'm with you, I sometimes wonder if you're looking up at the same moon at the same time, and somehow our gazes cross eachother and it feels like we're not so alone and empty and dark in this big dark and loanly and empty world." stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:30, Reply)
christ
that is dangerously close to something I once said to someone.

It didn't have the emo end bit, but still...

I feel dirty.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:33, Reply)
Did you also break out into that song from that film with the mice who go to new york on a boat, where the brother and sister get seporated?
I think it went something like "Somewhere, out there, dah dah dahh da daaaaaa".
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)
I'm not going to go into more detail
because it is embarrassing.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
Have you ever said anything along the following lines?
- I can't be your superman anymore, you are my kriptonite.
- 6 point five billion people on this planet, we're so lucky to find each other.
- I don't just want you, I need you.
- I don't even know who you are any more.
- I love you so much it hurts, and I don't think I can take it any more.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)
I have not

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)
you gazzed that to me not five minutes ago

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)
I've never SAID it though
:-P
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)
hahaha Fivel Goes West
There are no cats in America and the streets are full of cheese!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:42, Reply)
That's the one !

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:45, Reply)
Yeah but it was to a croissant

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)
:-P

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
Or the mirror

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)
you light up my office day Gonz

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)
=D

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)
I had that every day
and every day, for three years, he gave me a rose.

He protected me a bit too much. He'd cross the road walking sideways to protect me from incoming traffic (even with green lights) "stopping" the stopped cars with his hand, to make sure nobody would harm me.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)
That is seriously
quite strange, couldn't live like that
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)
the mental image made me lol, did he wear a suite and speak into his wrists and touch his ear a lot?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)
When I was about 8, I saw a film where someone pushed someone out the way of a car.
The very next day, on the way to school, which was in an ally-type road with only one house next to the school. A car was driving down at about 3mph at the time, all the kids and their parents standing to the side.

I decided to rugby tackle a girl I had a crush on shouting "noooooooo", and I ended up scraping both mine and her knees and we both burst into tears.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)
Hahaha

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)
Oh you
I properly laughed here and had to make up a story to explain my tears!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)
hahahahahahahaha

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)
totally clicking that
because I wouldn't be suprised if some people on here think that's acceptable behaviour.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
I actually lolled at that
HALT TRAFFIC, MY FAIR LADY IS PASSING!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:42, Reply)
You!
I had to run to the toilet with tears in my eyes. If it's going to be like this I don't think I can read much more here at the office.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)
I stayed with the boyfriend above
for 18 months after that little debacle. There is more to life than sex, but really... it just never got better. I think his record was about 3 minutes. So yeah, whilst it might be just one component of a relationship, when it's that shit, you're better off being single and not getting any than getting plenty that is frustrating and rubbish.
(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:21, Reply)
I'd love that
in, out, job done, now I can get back to World of Warcraft.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)
It's not quick
It's efficient!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)
two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:42, Reply)
Heh, I was just gonna say that, but with the ad break for hollyoaks.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)
Seriously?
Fooking hell. I'm the other end of the scale, very rarely come.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:18, Reply)
That's beause you're Emo
so you end up crying halfway through, she leaves and you end up sobbing over the Lords Prayer deserperatly trying to feel enough to cough up a little love juice
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:20, Reply)
I think it's because he's sleeping
Waiting for the end of September.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:22, Reply)
I don't know which one I prefer
I feel I'm doing something very wrong if the boy doesn't come.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:20, Reply)
^ this

(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:23, Reply)
^and that's why
It can sometimes be harder (hurr hurr), when you feel like you're not going to, and you can tell that the woman's thinking "why hasn't he come yet? Am I doing something wrong?".
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:25, Reply)
Men don't have a monopoly
on performance anxiety, you know. And generally speaking, it's more unusual if the bloke doesn't come, so of course the woman is likely to worry.
(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:28, Reply)
I know they don't
And I believe it is more unusual, and in a weird way kind of the woman to care that the guy hasn't arrived.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:30, Reply)
I might start screaming "HURRY UP DO IT NOW FOR GOD'S SAKE!"
see if it helps
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)
Survey says!
It doesn't.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:46, Reply)
The
Oh, oh, I'm coming, I'd love if you'd come with me. I like it so much more when we come together!

usually works.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)
I struggle to make any understandable sounds at the vinegar strokes, so no idea how anyone could manage this

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)
Practice
You clearly need more.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)
Is that an offer?
No? Ah, thought not *kicks at floor*
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)
It's really a bad moment
I prefer if the boy tells me that, for whatever reasons, he can't come. But I'd still feel really, really bad about it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:30, Reply)
Wiggy can usually tell when I'm getting fed up and he admits defeat
hehe
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)
Mark too
but then I feel bad about him.

Then I think of all the times I've given him a bj and I don't feel that bad anymore.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:57, Reply)
It's all swings and roundabouts
It evens out in the end.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)
Until recently, I was unaware that girls felt this way
Tis not good.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:26, Reply)
Yep
It's happened to me a couple of times, and even when the guy says it's because he's drunk too much or he's stressed or something, I still can't stop thinking I should have tried harder and make the foreplay more enjoyable...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:32, Reply)
It's happened to me
Usually because I'm too tired or drunk. Work effects things too, rarely, but it has happened.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)
Brewers droop is really annoying
especially since I usually get the horn after a couple of pints. *grumble mutter*
(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)
In my case
It doesn't matter whether I've been drinking, sleeping properly, on drugs, anything.

It'll either happen or it won't, seriously fooking annoying.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)
you sound like a woman.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:45, Reply)
You should see him on a dress

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)
If she hasn't, she's the only one

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)
I have

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)
Fair enough

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)
You've got it easy you lot
All you have to do is lie there

*runs*

Disclaimer: This is in no way my opinion
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)
Hmmmmm, lets see
Georgie Thompson - Sky Sports presenter woman who has some kind of mind control over my groin
Suzanna Reid - BBC Breakfast. Looks dirty as fuck to me!
Keira Knightly - no idea why! Just lovely!

Alt Q
Friend of a friend who looked amazing, great body, etc. Just lay there like the proverbial sack of spuds. Still, a fucks a fuck, eh?
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:13, Reply)
Suzanna Reid is amazing
I gave up SkysportsNews for a month just to watch her in the mornings, soooooo fit.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:30, Reply)
I saw her first!
gerroff!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:42, Reply)
She's mine you bastards
You can however stir my porridge if you wish.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:51, Reply)
As long as you promise
I get next go
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:15, Reply)
Hmm
Eliza Dushku
Summer Glau
Hayden Panettiere

Alt Q: I've had a threesome where I've burst out laughing before, hows that? Alternatively, it was one girl who I met after not sleeping properly for a week, I had no energy, and I know I was shit. That was rather depressing.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:17, Reply)
Three pretty good choices there pal!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:21, Reply)
except Hayden Panattiere
who reminds me of a cake

images.paraorkut.com/img/wallpapers/1024x768/h/hayden_panettiere-5034.jpg

though she does have nice eyes
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:23, Reply)
Claire is Magnificent!
How dare you!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:26, Reply)
nooo
Nathan Petrelli all the way
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)
While he does have a good first name
Nahh
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:30, Reply)
I'm prejudiced in his favour
he's hot, the suits etc
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:31, Reply)
I like Peter Petrelli's weird crooked mouth
when he yells it makes me rofl.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:46, Reply)
that made me laugh
I'm going to watch out for that now. He was hotter after his haircut
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:47, Reply)


(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)
He looks a bit like Alan Partridge with an epic receding hairline

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
now you've said that I can only see him bald because his hair looks stuck on
kind of looks like Freddie Prinze Junior.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)
^^Ultimate come face

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)
Buff, only 3?
Right, I suppose...

Labia
Darth
Enzyme

One at a time or all together, as they prefer. And it doesn't have to be in that order either.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:17, Reply)
Am I number 4?
*panders*
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:18, Reply)
But that'd be illegal
When you grow up, we'll talk about it again, ok?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:21, Reply)
I'm 20 fookin 2!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)
But you look about 15...

(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:32, Reply)
Or 5, in that blonde picture.

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:39, Reply)
What about in my belm picture?
Only taken last weekend
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
You look like Lurch
it's not an improvement on looking 15.
(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:45, Reply)
It's a start
There are a few half decent photos of me on FB at the minute, I just need to find them. Stupid work filters.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)
Niiiiiiiiice
Cheers Abby, that's brightened my morning no end. I'd even make an exception to my sloppy seconds rule for you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:21, Reply)
As I said
It doesn't have to be in that order ;-)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:24, Reply)
I don't really have such a rule
I was merely trying to butter you up. Metaphorically. For now
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)
You have very good taste in B3tans : )

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:28, Reply)
I was pleasantly surprised
by the lack of stereotypical internet uglies at the bash. It was certainly good fun window shopping :)
(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:33, Reply)
Well I didn't find any of the blokes attractive
Not enough, anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)
What about the girls, eh?

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)
Well, there was this Spanish chick...

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:46, Reply)
Dibs

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)
I thought you said
you were willing to go sloppy seconds?
(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)
Yeah!
Plus Aberracion put MY name first in her list!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)
I've changed my mind
I'm older than you and will therefore die sooner
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)
Hahaha
Thanks, but I think you're just saying that...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)
Oh don't go getting modest on me now, Missy ;)
Mark's a lucky fella!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)
Hehehe
Not enough beer? that said, there's not enough beer in the world could persuade me to take a bumming...
(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
Not enough beer!
Although I'd spite-fuck a few of them. Teach them RESPECT.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:47, Reply)
You told me you loved me!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)
They're a handsome bunch aren't they.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:42, Reply)
I said that to Lampito, I was surprised by the quota of hotties

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)
Unexpected eye candy
is always a bonus.
(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)
Yep
Especially if you are expecting a bunch of sweaty nerds.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)
Hahaha
well I didn't like to say it, but yes, very much this.
(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)
I have a list with the girls too
For when I get finally fed up with men. If this relationship with Mark doesn't work, I'm going lesbian.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)
Bollocks are you
You said I could take a poke first
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
Oh, well
I'll see what I can do for you.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)
Can you just re-iterate that absolutley nothing went on when we shared a bed. *laughs*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:42, Reply)
Ejem
Oh, well, yes, no, I mean, no, nothing happened, of course not.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)
I can back this up
As I was outside listening using the underside of a cup am a very light sleeper, and would have heard any noise from the room above...
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)
Oh, so it was you then
making those noises outside the room? I thought it was Crow and the cat.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:19, Reply)
share the list then
only fair we get to dissect that one as well
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)
yes!
and now we play the waiting game...
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)
either she posts
or we formulate what we reckon the list will be
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)
But the list is bigger for the girls
and I haven't met most of you, or even seen pictures, so don't get annoyed.

If I have to put only 3, it'd probably be:

BGB
Kitty
A girl at BGB's party, I don't remember her b3ta name, but she had very curly hair.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)
That's Wanderlust

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)
Could be
I think we were missing tags with our nicks on that party.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)
Well, you have the ultimate curly hair, that was Lusty
The not quite as epic curly hair was Clendrix (I think)
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)
No, it was ultimate
I think she had a flower or headband or something like that.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:20, Reply)
awww yeah
giggedy
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)
aww, sadface

(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:09, Reply)
You see?
Now you feel offended. Next time I'll keep quiet, but it's only 3 that I can choose. And I'm not lesbian yet.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)
Was not expecting that!
*smugs*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:21, Reply)
Of course, we both have partners and it's never gonna happen
But I think AF has even less of a chance with Keira Knightley
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:25, Reply)
Well I remain touched and honoured that you picked me
And more than a little smug/turned on!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)

ed and honoured that you picked me +ing myself
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:31, Reply)
Oh, and if it's all at the same time
Can you make sure Enzyme doesn't talk clever? His massive intellect will make me feel inferior, and put me off my stride.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:32, Reply)
Sorry, can't resist
Enzyme Foxy
talk clever go first
intellect MAN-PENIS

That is the most ridiculously convoluted way I've ever claimed to have a big cock
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)
Haha!

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:42, Reply)
dude you did a Philosophy degree, you're pretty damn smart.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)
I can't remember most of it
And Enzyme is an actual genius.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)
We'll find a way to keep him quiet
Although I think I'd enjoy him talking ;-)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)
that's why I fancy him
if he starts explaining about molecular science I'll be whipping my clothes off in a flash
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)
Exactly
I don't need to understand what he's saying. I'll just imagine it's something dirty.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)
He's amused by cup holders....

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:38, Reply)
I find pleasure in the simplest of things
It's why I'm friends with you.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahah
hahahahahah
hahahahahahahhahahahahah
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)
He probably only got a 2:2
what a loser
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)
I could woo Keira,
If I could find her
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)
You wish

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)
^this

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)
very very much so
I actually think I might be in love with her. She probably feels the same way I'm guessing, just busy............ *sobs*
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)
That just makes me think
Of this
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:24, Reply)
Luna Lovegood
I don't get it?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:42, Reply)
only three?
Bit hard to pick that Christian Bale, Eliza Dushku and Ed Norton
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:19, Reply)
Young Ed Norton, or Ed Norton now?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:19, Reply)
Ed Norton now
or with a few years off. Round about Fight Club time perhaps

Definitely not Primal Instinct Ed, that would be illegal and wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:21, Reply)
I liked him best when he came out of prison in American History X
with his devil beard. And newly cured racism of course.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:25, Reply)
Bah to the last bit
You were all "I'm white meat, TAKE ME ED!"
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)
He's so dreamy in that, can you imagine how you'd feel in his arms?
I'd feel so safe and so scared at the same time.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)
like Edward Cullen
haha twilight lolz
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)
I ain't seen that, I can't relate to these sort of films based in the middle of the woods in america, tiny towns of 1000 people with a school the size of a big london uni with 50k people in.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)
yeah my school had 100 people in the whole thing
and none of them were fit.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)
Mine had 300 per year
Very few of them were fit
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)
My school was full of fitties.
Most had large breasts as well.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)
were you a statistical outlier?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)
Good attempt at a stats insult but all outliers by definition are statistical.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)
I added the statistical bit for the benefit of those not familiar with the terms

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:19, Reply)
except for the breasts

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:27, Reply)
he's hot anytime

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:28, Reply)
Tricky
Christina Hendricks, just to fly in the face of Flinchy's picks
Eva Green
Keira Knightly (resistance is futile)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:22, Reply)
I agree with Christina Hendricks
especially in evil bitch firefly mode.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:25, Reply)
that was her?!
Finally, it's been bugging me for ages where I'd seen her before.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:57, Reply)
because she's the only one not physically strong enough to resist you

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:25, Reply)
You seem to have me confused with someone else
Keira's complete lack of boobage would usually be grounds for refusal but she's just so fucking pretty. And I'm intrigued to see if I can snap her
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:28, Reply)
*scowls*

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:57, Reply)
when she smiles
my balls come to popping off in excitement and running round the room.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)
+1 for Christina Hendricks
Oh yes.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:28, Reply)
is she the size 14 redhead
everyone is banging on about? she is pretty hot. I forgot Nikki Reed!
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)
The worst shag is the one where you find out afterwards he didn't really want to have sex with you.
Makes you feel like shit.

Jeff Bridges
Jeff Bridges look-a-like
Anyone else who looks a bit like Jeff Bridges
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:24, Reply)
Beau Bridges?

(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:55, Reply)
Oh god, I couldn't really say, I'd hate to not pick someone who'd want to be with me and then they get discouridged and I lose out on it.
Plus I might hurt some people's feelings by eaither picking them or not picking them, I wouldn't want to do that.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:24, Reply)
Hmm
Jake Gyllenhaal, or however the hell he's spelled
Christian Bale
Christina Hendricks
(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:24, Reply)
Christian Bale's a douchebag
and he has a lisp. Nice to look at though.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:26, Reply)
He has a lisp?
Not that it matters - he wouldn't need to talk.
(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)
what if he did
the batman voice
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:34, Reply)
Erk, no!

(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)
YOU LIKE THIS, DON'T YOU, BITCH?
BEND OVER, THIS IS GOING IN YOUR BAT CAVE
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)
::fucks off sharpish::
I heard that in his voice, and it was fucking terrifying.
(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:53, Reply)
HOLD STILL
I'LL GO GET YOU A TOWEL
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)
WHERE ARE THEY?!

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)
HOLD ON, DON'T DRIP IT ON THE SHEETS
ALFRED?! I NEED A TOWEL!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'RE IN THE WASH?!
THIS IS WAYNE FUCKING MANOR! WAIT THERE-I SAID DON'T MOVE! NOW YOU'VE GONE AND GOTTEN IT ON THE SILK!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)
when I was playing Batman Lego I said everything in the Batman voice
until it started really hurting, which is about 3 minutes.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:26, Reply)
Oh, you are still there?
I thought you'd wandered off and left me talking to myself (and giggling) in the corner.
When I played Batman Arkham Asylum, I did similar, so you're not that weird.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:28, Reply)
Bridget Regan
Tarbrett Bethell
Kelly Brook

worst shag was with my mrs, but we were both hammered, in a tiny tiny room on a mostly deflated airbed.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)

on and I had
airbed penis
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)
Now we all know I'm pretty candid when sharing experiences here
But I can't bring myself to talk about the worst.
It was a combination of the bloke's ineptitude, direct questioning, and utter disbelief that he wasn't the best thing that had ever rocked my boat. I am red with embarrassment right now just recalling the details.
It happened just over a year ago, and fortunately he went on holiday two days later so I never had to endure it again. There was a very clumsy invitation to some phone sex whilst he was in sunnier climes, but I declined, and informed him on his return that we were no longer seeing each other.

There's only one person I can ever imagine sharing the full story with, and I just might, for giggles, later.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:28, Reply)
I look forward to hearing it

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)
You really don't want to

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:31, Reply)
you are probably right

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:32, Reply)
How are you anyway Our Kid?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)
better today
need to get on with some work though!

how are you?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)
Needing to get on with some work.
I hate it though.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:46, Reply)
I'm hurt
and interested.

Genuinely though, that sounds absolutely awful
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)
I still have a red face and it's been ten minutes
And we all know how unembarrassable I am.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:32, Reply)
haha still interested

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:33, Reply)
Not very by the groping reaction
:P
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)
Haha, that was indignation, not embarrassment!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)
direct questioning?
like:
"did you come then?"
"how many times did you come?"
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:33, Reply)
It didn't get that far
Oh God Chomp, I just really can't explain how crap it was.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:34, Reply)
"What's wrong is my cock too big?"

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)
No, bless him

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)
oh god, I've had that happen.
it's awful. I hate it. It's incredibly embarrassing.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:34, Reply)
Please fill out this short questionaire.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)
*cringe*

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)
I demand marks out of 10!
And a short paragraph of feedback detailing how I can improve in future.
(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)
-1
screaming ten hail marys while thrusting yourself inside me really is not a turn on. At all.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)
O_o

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:00, Reply)
I was kidding on the hail mary bit...

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)
damn
I quite enjoyed thinking there was someone who genuinely did that
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:09, Reply)
nah my worst sex is not something I'd go into.
the second worst sex however, I almost burst out giggling halfway through. He was pulling this face and I don't know if he knew he was doing it but combined with his total lack of technique, I really struggled not to laugh. I didn't, but god I was close to...
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)
Good thing you didn't ...
or you would have felt even worse once you realised that he'd suffered a mild stroke.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:30, Reply)
this is probably true.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:42, Reply)
I might just say "comments?" after I next have sex.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)
I'm going to make a button that says "I Like This"
And invite them to click it.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)
"how did you DO that?"

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)
I've attached a feedback box to my headboard
with a sheaf of forms and a pen on a chain
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)
I say "Next!"

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)
Look, I was under a lot of stress at the time, can we just drop it?
Haha
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:42, Reply)
He wouldn't drop it
He followed me around for months and even bought me a book, spelling my name wrong and using bad grammar on the note he wrote inside.
The spelling and grammar annoyed me more than the bad sex.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)
And rightly so.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:47, Reply)
I know my grammar and spelling leaves something to be desired but....
When I went on the dating sites I ignored anyone who couldn't be bothered to proof read their profile and left all the mistakes in it.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
I do the same with CVs.
I've binned hundreds if not thousands of the fuckers over the years.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)
a guy I really fancied texted me with "sweet dream's"
that's when I knew I could never love him.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)
ew

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)
I'd have gone round his house with a claw hammer
and caved his fucking skull in.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)
And that's what we call a mild overreaction Monty
now take your pills.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)
More pharmaceuticals ...
may not be the answer here.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:33, Reply)

www.gwscomic.com/GWS849.html
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:34, Reply)
I knew you'd agree
he also came to my pub and said "But I never got to show you my car! Come outside..." and proceeded to show me his car, opening the door to show me the inside of the door with a soft drink in the storage pocket.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:52, Reply)
What a catch.
You fucked up there, didn't you?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)
I've regretted it every day since
It was one of those VW gangster-wagons with smoked windows.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)
WOW.
Did it have a UV light underneath the car like the Bethnal Green Asian 'massive'? They're all junior estate agents with those footballer enormous ties, and who bathe nightly in Blue Stratos.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)
Unfortunately I never got to see it by moonlight
He did drive past my house one night and call me from an unknown number to inform me that my lights were on, that he'd assumed I was alone with my cat, and that seeing as I was actually drinking wine with a friend I'd missed out on a night-time trip to see the Queen Mary docked in Liverpool.
He's half-greek half-scouse. He wears Kouros.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)
What a knock-out combination.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)
I wish I hadn't deleted all three of his numbers

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)
I'll bet.
I regret it too, on your behalf.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)
I love that remember tiny details
You are Amelie, AICMFP.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)
Aw, I'd love to be her
She's ace
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)
I only saw it recently
And it's a fab film! She is ace.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:00, Reply)
Now THAT is a fringe

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)
that sounds like Gonz
just the car bit, not the rest. Gonz is dynamite in bed
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)
Jesus woman
First my other half and now Gonz. You're insatiable.
EDIT: And my BFF as well!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)
I'm just trying to make Vipros jealous

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)
she has good taste though

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)
I'll give you that

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)
Have you seen Angry Birds on the iPad ?
Oh man, that's awesome.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:34, Reply)
It rocks on the iPhone4

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:35, Reply)
SADDEST of SAD FACES.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:34, Reply)
1. Not bothered one bit.
Nice looking or not I imagine most 'celebrities' to be such horrible people I have no desire to sleep with them.

2. I once half-heartedly attempted to have sex with a girl who I know was really keen but I just didn't fancy at all. I realised it wasn't going to happen when I found myself listening rather too intently to the new Tribe Called Quest CD she was playing, rather than paying any attention to the poor girl. She was a nice enough person but just not for me. I feel rather awful about it, even now, a good ten years on.


EDIT from what I recall the ATCQ album was excellent, so not all bad news.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
I cried into my pillow
for weeks after that
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)
It wasn't you, it was me,OK?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)
you didn't tell me that then
you fixed me with a cold eye and said 'it's not me, it's you'
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)
Well seeing as you're pressing me, it really WAS you.
I was just being polite.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
I can't help having a hunchback
and a harelip, I did offer to turn off the lights
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:52, Reply)
You did,
but as I recall you couldn't get your arthritic claws round the light switch so that idea was dead in the water.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:53, Reply)
and you were trapped
under the twenty stone, so not much use either
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)
Not wanting to interrupt this highly amusing lovers' tiff
but ten years ago Amberl was 11
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:57, Reply)
11? It certainly felt like 20.
I think I cracked a rib.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)
well regardless of my shortcomings
I cried into my pillow for WEEKs and then ate more cheesecake
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)
...then the pillow.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)
that was after I found an American
who missed home
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)
I was heavy for my age alright?

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)
What my mind has just conjured
is probably the most disturbing mental image I'm going to have this week
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)
Hang on, Amberl is younger than me?
Fookin hell
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)
I was 8.
oh god. I was 8.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)
My top three
Laura Tobin (the BBC weather girl)
Natalie Portman
Kym Valentine

*tumesces*
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)
I like Natalie Portman. She's very lovely.
Also Audrey Tautou. WOULD in a heartbeat.
Hugh Jackman.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)
Audrey Tautou looks a bit odd
Still would though!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:19, Reply)
Katy Perry
Milo Ventimiglia or whatever t is
Joseph Gordon Levitt


as for the worst shag, I'd be hard pressed to pick one. There's the 30 second wonder, so big i had to have him stop, the one who afterwards told me he was going downstairs to play fifa and pretend it never happened, the guy who almost hospitalised me, the one where i cried half way through, the one where i woke up half way thrugh, or the one with no technique.
I have no luck :(
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)
I know I promised you I wouldn't post that pic
But NOW would be appropriate.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)
Do ittt

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)
No
A promise is a promise.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)
Fair enough

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)
:(
I'd blocked it from my memory. Besides, only one of those two is on my list.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:19, Reply)
Were all of these Chompy?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)
Haha, christ.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:33, Reply)
Totally with you on the Joseph GL one.
1) JGL
2) David Tennant
3) Naveen Andrews
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 12:06, Reply)
*ahem*
1. Anne Widdecombe
2. Moira Stewart
3. Judy Finnegan

bonus ball: Fatima Whitbread

PHWOOOOOAAAARRRRRR
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)
fatima whitbread reminds me of one of my favourite jokes

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)
Yes!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)
The 'hopping onto the bar and squatting over your ale' one?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)
"No, I'm Tessa Sanderson"

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)
Bingo!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)
:-D

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)
I bet Judy Finnigan is a right dirty bitch

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)
no Susan Boyle?

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:39, Reply)
Claudia Black
Kristen Bell
Claudia Black again

I've never actually had the sex, so I'll have to go with that time* I wanked 'til it bled.

*every time.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:49, Reply)
I've got a thing for newsreaders at the moment (but i'm not sure of their names)
1) Susanah Reid
2) Whatsherface Hussain
3) And the one with glasses who looks like a PA from a "Media" company

As for worst shags, yikes that's stirred up some unpleasant memories. It has to be the last time with a girl I went out with for 3 years, it was horrible, just dirty and seedy...the whole scene could have been written by the bloke who wrote "Trainspotting" and "Filth".
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 11:58, Reply)

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