RAGE THREAD!
OK, I'll start

FUCKING CHARITY SHOP! I bought an armchair from them last week. They said they'd deliver it on Thursday. I waited in all day thursday, calling them a couple of times to see if they were coming. They kept saying "The woman's in the van now, so it shouldn't be too long". They didn't come and I waited in half of Monday, until they told me "no, can't deliver until Wednesday morning"

Today is Wednesday - I called them at 12 to ask, they said "she left 20 minutes ago, so it won't be too long"
I called just now "Well, she's in the van, she wants me to confirm your address"

They have not called me ONCE and are a bunch of twat munching dicksplats

edit: it just got here. Noone apologised or even said hello when they came :(
your go now
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 13:54, 275 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

my weed has gone mouldy
it's upsetting.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 13:55, Reply)

:(
can you not cut the mouldy bits off just like you do with bread?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:05, Reply)

it's easier to see where the mould is on bread
I'm not 100% sure it is mould in fact, but I don't want to particularly risk inhaling mould, unless you know, I can't get any more weed.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:09, Reply)

I suggest that in future...
..you store it in an airtight bag in the freezer. Add a few slices of lemon peel to keep it nice and sticky, thus ensuring that the THC levels are not lowered.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:14, Reply)

annoyingly it was just in a tin on its own
stupid damp weed.

have you experienced it going mouldy before?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)

*insert mouldy cock joke*
please don't strike through the word joke, I might throw up.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:29, Reply)

I won't do it
but that won't stop anyone else
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)

I have when I used to grow my own.
It usually means it has not been cured and dried correctly. (I presume it is home-grown 'chronic' that the grower wanted to move quickly.)
Do not smoke it as aspergillus fungus can be very damaging and even lead to death.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)

that's pretty much what I thought
It wasn't advertised as homegrown, but I wouldn't be surprised.

I'd pretty much decided to bin it, and this has made up my mind to bin the lot rather than try and trim it back to non-mouldy bits.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:38, Reply)

Could you boil it up as lemon tea (for an acid-base reaction with the THC)
and drink it? Would that kill the fungus?
(Mr Big Stuff, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:41, Reply)

needs moar cat

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 13:56, Reply)

Ok
AND IF I HAD A CAT IT WOULD BE WET BECAUSE IT'S RAINING

*insert damp pussy joke here*
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 13:56, Reply)

I WANT MY PHONE!

(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 13:56, Reply)

My friend wandered into the phone shop here the other day
And wandered straight out with an HTC Desire. It's really awesome, but yours isn't, cos you don't have one yet.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 13:58, Reply)

harsh

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 13:59, Reply)

I'm very happy for your friend.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:01, Reply)

^classic QOTW lie right here

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:12, Reply)

How comes you still ain't got it yet?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:12, Reply)

karma

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:15, Reply)

It's out of stock apparently...
Should get it by friday but I'm not holding out much hope.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:19, Reply)

it won't be much longer
now i have my armchair
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:14, Reply)

is it everything you expected and more?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)

well
it's wet
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:22, Reply)

I think that comes under
The 'and more' bit.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:23, Reply)

This case is very dull
And it's making the day drag out, when all I want to do is leave work.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 13:58, Reply)

I'm hold right now to the electricity company for my tenanted flat
I paid my outstanding bill yesterday for when the property was empty, but when I told Wiggy he called me an idiot and pointed out that they were basing the payment on estimated readings and since it had been empty I would have overpaid.

So I rang them back today to get a refund and they've told me my name isn't on the account and they won't speak to me. The name they have is one letter different to my real name, but they won't speak to me so I said I wanted a refund for the £180 I paid yesterday. They refused and told me to take it up with my bank. I did that and the bank said it's already gone out.

I'm now on hold with the leccy company again. I've got a much more helpful bloke this time though, so fingers crossed.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:00, Reply)

yay it's sorted now so I'm all calm and serene again
They've changed the name on the account and will refund me £176 of the amount I paid yesterday :D

JOY
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:05, Reply)

good work
you should give some of the money to me
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Put it towards the Smug Croissant fund
Maybe it'll help you buy that patisserie galley you've had your eye on?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:06, Reply)

I'd be more likely to put it towards replacing my mouldy weed.
I'm going on about it, because I'm so fucking bored today
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:08, Reply)

you might have got an awesome new strain
smoke it and see.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:10, Reply)

I also may end up with a deadly lung infection

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:12, Reply)

if you're not living on the edge
YOU'RE TAKING UP TOO MUCH ROOM
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:13, Reply)

true
but I'm already paranoid about it, and I haven't smoked any yet
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:16, Reply)

IRONYLOLZ

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:29, Reply)

fortunately I think there is some more about at the moment
so can get some more tonight.

I feel like a right fucking junkie, but not being able to sleep feels a lot worse.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:41, Reply)

^ this
if I could find a surefire way to get to sleep, I'd be on it like a shot and not caring about junkiness
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:52, Reply)

that's my view.
not sleeping is shit, so I don't like running out of gear, and to find that I have essentially run out unexpectedly, particularly when I'm as skint as I have been since leaving uni has not done my mental state any good at all.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:57, Reply)

I think you should take my advice
as to how to spend your bank holiday.

And I do understand. My mother takes sleeping pills to get to sleep (they work for her) and even though she's not addicted, and only takes them rarely, she still gets quite anxious if she runs out.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:59, Reply)

I will certainly do some drinking this weekend
it's more the next few days and those after the weekend that concern me. My sleeping has been unpredictable of late.

I don't want to resort to sleeping pills if I can avoid it. Think I should get hold of some valerian extract and see how I get on with that again.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:01, Reply)

Do you have trouble staying asleep
as well as getting to sleep?

Valerian extract is shit (tried it) sleeping pills vary in effectiveness. Some of them will get you to sleep but not keep you asleep, and others result in heavy oversleeping. A lot of brands don't work on me, the only one that does caused some pretty nasty side effects
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:07, Reply)

almost entirely just getting to sleep
the ones I've had in the past, I passed out at 8pm and didn't wake up till 3pm the next day. Can't be having that.

I've used a couple of preparations of valerian extract, one worked fine, and the other didn't at all.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:11, Reply)

if you try sleeping tablets
you'd be best off just taking a half, then staying awake as long as you can manage it. Of the two types my mother has, one is designed specifically as a sleep aid to help you get to sleep, but does not maintain sleep, would you like me to source the name? You should wake up fine after it, but probably earlier than usual
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:16, Reply)

yeah, if you could I'd be grateful

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:29, Reply)

gazzed

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:42, Reply)

I'm having a deathly dull day
All the scripts I'm running seem to be taking forever, and I can't stop yawning.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:10, Reply)

yeah I'm not going to do that
I'm going to put it towards my empire, which will benefit you eventually.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:10, Reply)

fair enoguh

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:12, Reply)

I hope I'm a millionairess quickly enough to invest in Noel's walking thing
I'm going to be philanthropist as well (that's the giving one right, not the womanising one?)
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:15, Reply)

You can be both if you like

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:16, Reply)

the philandering philanthropist

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:19, Reply)

I might change my name to Phil as well

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:28, Reply)

So you've only paid £4 for 6 months?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:05, Reply)

it was 3 months
and the property was empty with electricity switched off.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:10, Reply)

Fair enough then
And I agree with Wiggy, you're stupid for having paid the estimate.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:11, Reply)

shurrup
mean boys.

He even managed an I told you so in replying to my email of woe. He's not seeing a dime of this money now.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:14, Reply)

He's stupid for that last bit

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:16, Reply)

haha if he read this he would disagree
I cost him soooo much money. Like soooooooooo much money. Like thousands.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:19, Reply)

You do?
Then he's even stupiderer for putting you in a position where you can legitimately not give him any of the bonus cash.

Girlfriends are expensive. FACT.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:23, Reply)

We are.
He was lamenting how much trouble I am just the other day because of the following things:

1. He gave me his only key to the side gate of our flat and I lost it
2. He asked me to pick up his suit from the dry cleaners on Saturday that he needed for work Monday morning. I forgot.
3. I put a box on top of his car and when I lifted it off it scratched the roof.

This was all in a day's work for me.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:26, Reply)

Nice work
My GF was indirectly responsible for having my car broken into, and constantly spends her pay cheque on clothes and shoes (dragging me around the shops in the process), then doesn't have enough at the end of the month to pay for her share of food.

She owes me quite a bit actually, I doubt I'll ever see it though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:29, Reply)

fortunately Mrs V is good with money
and earns quite a bit.

more smuggery!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:32, Reply)

I'm still riding the high
Of looking damn smart on Monday.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:34, Reply)

good lad

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:50, Reply)

I don't spend mine on frivolous things
I've been paying for two flats for the last three months so I've been really skint. And I put quite a bit into my corset business to try and get it off the ground, plus I'm still paying for credit card mistakes. Wiggy says it's ok though because he earns a lot more than I do and he likes treating me. We split the bills 50/50 but when it comes to going out and stuff he tends to get the drinks and dinner.

He also buys me gifts that he knows I need but don't want to spend the money on, just yesterday he bought me a pink calculator because he saw me having to use my phone to work shit out.

Sorry, I'll stop wittering on about him now.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:35, Reply)

That's lovely of him, he's not stupid.
I wouldn't mind doing the same in that situation, it's when Em does something like buying a Wii off a friend, despite not having a tv at her place, and in doing so not be able to afford to pay me back for previous loans that I get a little peeved.
She's hot though. Like, really hot.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:38, Reply)

A word of advice Lab, you need to talk to her about this.
Being hot is no excuse. If you let her get away with it, things will only get worse. She needs to become accountable for her spending.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:44, Reply)

Already done so
And she's improving. It helps that I've confiscated her store discount card. We're going on holiday together this weekend, and I've told her she's to be on best behaviour, money wise.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:45, Reply)

what I wanted to say right there
money can be a serious problem, because after a while it just becomes too big to talk about and the fallout can be immense, one person feeling aggrieved and wronged, and the other not really seeing a problem because it's gone on too long to be unusual

edit: haha that sounded all self righteous. Sorry, and glad it's something you've already got to grips with
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:45, Reply)

Sadly, I'm aware of this
She barely earns anything, but equally has very little in terms of monthly bills, because she lives with her parents. I'm trying to help her get better with money, but it's a slow process (not helped by me not being particularly great with money...).
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:47, Reply)

a few of my mate-couples argue about money a lot
it took a while but me and Mrs V have a joint account which we pay salaries into and everything comes out of there. We keep back some for ourselves to buy random shit that we want, or to save for stuff, but generally everything is lumped in together.

Makes life a lot easier than taking it in turns to buy shopping, or splitting the bill afterwards, and we end up better off for some reason.

Not entirely sure why more people don't do it, other than they have a much bigger difference between their salaries....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:49, Reply)

that's the best way
but your salaries seem a lot closer together than Labs + missus.

Luckily I've never been in a relationship so serious that money became an issue in any way, but more than a few of my friends have got really tangled up in various ways over it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:51, Reply)

I think that's the key to it
I'm on a bit more, but my student loan payments and stuff are more, so I get maybe a couple of hundred more than her a month, but as they are close it's not an issue to combine it and half it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:55, Reply)

I earn quite a bit more than Em does
Although after bills/rent/credit cards/loan/car etc, we end up with roughly the same in spending money. She will happily spend £100-300 a month on clothes and shoes, whereas I'm trying to save for things like holiday and tattoos.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:52, Reply)

that's the situation with my mates too I think

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:55, Reply)

It's not good, but not insurmountable
I'm just glad she doesn't have an overdraft or credit card, she'd make the same mistakes I did and rack up a hefty chunk of debt.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:57, Reply)

that is a mercy
I'm pretty glad that we don't argue about it. With any luck Mrs V's payrise should be coming soon too.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Sounds perfect mate
I'm happy for you :)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:01, Reply)

I mainly want her hard work in getting chartered to be rewarded
extra cash (which will go entirely towards the wedding) will be a pelasant bonus
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)

I did that with The Idiot
it just meant he helped himself to cash to pay for Games Workshop crap and beers (and train fares to see his other girlfriends), while I desperately counted the pennies to try and stop us going overdrawn again.

Didn't help that he always lied about what he spent
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:53, Reply)

I think you were just unfortunate that he was a wanker

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:54, Reply)

well it does mean I won't trust anyone
every again.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:54, Reply)

it's a real shame that there are tossers out there who will ruin things for people
:-(
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:56, Reply)

Should have shoved some elves up his arse.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:57, Reply)

he'd have liked that :(

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:02, Reply)

Mark and I have a big difference in salaries
What we do is that each of us gets the salary in our single accounts, but we have a direct debit into our joint account for every month. Everything that is shared comes from there, but if he wants to spend £100 on a night out or buy shit loads of music, he pays for that himself.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:58, Reply)

same principle as how we operate
but I totally don't have enough money to blow £100 on a night out
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:59, Reply)

I don't either
That's why we decided to do it like that. We started just sharing, until I realised how much money we were spending. Now I pay my drinks, unless he wants to invite me, and he pays his.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)

yeah that's what Wiggy and I do
I told him it'll all pay off when I'm a millionairess.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:03, Reply)

I tell Mark the same
for when I win the lottery.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)

Me and Wiggy each pay an equal amount into the joint account
to cover all the bills and about £200 for food and householdy stuff.

My parents said they thought we should pay a percentage of the bills corresponding to how much we each earn but Wiggy and I both agreed that we'd rather pay equal amounts in bills and then the other stuff is like a treat.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:02, Reply)

I think bills and rent etc should always be a 50/50 split
Apart from in certain circumstances, like one of them's laid off work. I'm all about equality.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:04, Reply)

I'm an egalitarian Jew*
It makes things difficult sometimes.


*Not really, but try telling my flatmate this.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)

I agree with you
I rather do that and have Mark to treat me from time to time than paying less and feeling like I'm living thanks to him.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:10, Reply)

And I'm more than happy to treat a girlfriend
So long as they don't come to expect it or demand it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:14, Reply)

Of course not
That wouldn't be a treat. And I like to treat him too. In fact, I need to find out if I can buy tickets for Just a minute or The unbelivable truth.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:23, Reply)

Thankfully Em treats me too
She bought me a rather ace skull tshirt the other day :D
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:24, Reply)

my ex husband
cost me loads. I never went overdrawn until I was with him. I think I must have paid off about £6000 in debts which were largely not mine.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:36, Reply)

I have to be here until 6pm tonight
That sucks.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:00, Reply)

Me too, Roo', me too.
I might fuck off home at 3 though 'cus my guts are all like OH WOE IS ME and I really can't be fucked, and I think it's working out that I'm taking less than one call every 10 minutes on average.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:10, Reply)

I'm not too busy here
But busy enought that they'd notice my absence.
AND I'm on the desk so I have another three hours and forty minutes of smiling at the public and helping them find non-existent books by giving me the wrong author's name.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:19, Reply)

this sounds familiar
although once I did find a book for someone who just described it as 'red'
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:21, Reply)

This man gave me the wrong author, the wrong title and looked like a clip-board buddhist.
I also think he fancies me.
Fortunately I found enough info on the book to prove to him that we don't have it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:24, Reply)

what's a clip board buddhist?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:36, Reply)

a Buddhist made of chipboard, duh?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:55, Reply)

it said clip board
put your reading glasses on Monty
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:04, Reply)

Oh, you know those annoyingly persistent weedy blokes who try to convery you or get money or groceries from you

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:11, Reply)

If I were still there
I'd wait until your back was turned and place a bar of your favourite chocolate on the desk, then leave.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:24, Reply)

Somebody left me some cough sweets once
We do get boxes of Celebrations and such around the time of finals too.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:25, Reply)

That's lovely
I didn't leave you anything when I finished, mainly because I lost my library card, but also because I was very, very poor.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:28, Reply)

i gave a librarian an easter egg once

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:28, Reply)

That sounds like a dreadful euphemism
"Giving a librarian an easter egg" *winks*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:29, Reply)

"she walked funny for days after"

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)

I did that as well ;)
actually it was because I was eleven and she let me rent out 18 films, and take out books from the adult library.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)

porn for 11 year olds?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:37, Reply)

a lot of it featured easter eggs
porn, chocolate, it was my favourite library
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:39, Reply)

You don't even remember me, you git
I was nicknamed Conan the Librarian in your first year, goddamnit!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:29, Reply)

I'm shit, I agree
I probably cast an admiring gaze your way if I saw you in one of the Union bars though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:30, Reply)

To be fair,
they're probably all senile and have to stop frequently to change their Tena pads.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:01, Reply)

I have money, but no caffiene
ARGH!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:04, Reply)

I'm sure he did apologise - peter's a very polite man.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:12, Reply)

funny every time :-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:13, Reply)

I'm nothing if not consistent.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:13, Reply)

hey monty, I saw this and thought of you

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:18, Reply)

THAT
Is fucking brilliant!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:18, Reply)

isn't it?
I did a proper single syllable HA!

My colleagues have stopped asking about my office lolz because they usually don't find them funny.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:20, Reply)

I'm stealing it
With no remorse.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:22, Reply)

I've already posted it to facebook so you better hook me up with a via tag holmes

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:23, Reply)

Roger roger

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:25, Reply)

It's 'homes' as in 'homeboy' not 'Holmes' as in 'Sherlock'...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:26, Reply)

I'm a fucking detective

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:26, Reply)

*sighs*
a
t f
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:38, Reply)

That too

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:39, Reply)

nah he is actually sherlock holmes

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:27, Reply)

Sorry, I call it holmes from an injoke I have with my friends
I forgot that it wasn't you guys.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:27, Reply)

ha ha yeah friends.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:36, Reply)

ok you got me
it's between me and the guys on Second Life.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:39, Reply)

The furry ones with the elephantine cocks?
Or the rape-fetishists?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:41, Reply)

both
I have an elephantine fetish so it works out well.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:42, Reply)

Dumbololz

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:42, Reply)

yeah right

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:40, Reply)

I remind you of a three year old girl?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:21, Reply)

In all the best ways...

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:22, Reply)

yup
it was just her happy little wellies, made me think of you in happy little wellies.

EDIT: I've just realised she's not wearing wellies and I totally made that up.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:23, Reply)

I thought she looked 16
Officer
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:23, Reply)

haha
gross
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:24, Reply)

I'm never angry
I'm full of peace and harmony all the time

/definitely contains lies
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Tell them to take it back
because you don't want an armchair that someone died in
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Or
that you want to choose who dies in it, and bloody well be there when it happens, dammit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:24, Reply)

pretty calm today akshully
I'm usually full of teh rage
I think I has a sad
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:28, Reply)

oh noes why do you has a sad?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:40, Reply)

who knows really
reckon I'm just a mental
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:42, Reply)

like House mental
or like Silence of the Lambs mental?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:05, Reply)

I'm angry - or I would be if I could get together the energy for rage rather than just feeling sad about it
My ex has finally sent through some paperwork for the divorce (we split up four years ago) and he wants a no blame one - fine. However this also comes with no financial strings attached whatsoever. I walked out with the kids and my clothes. I can't afford to pay the most expensive solicitors in town to ensure I at least have money for the kids. He has the best accountants and extremely rich parents - between them it appears that he's penniless.
Bunch of cunts.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:30, Reply)

we should probably kill him

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)

cunt is the only word for him
I feel impotently angry on your behalf now
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:32, Reply)

That's exactly it - my anger is entirely impotent!
There is fuck all I can do about it and they know it.
Money fucking talks when you're a rich cunting farmer.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:34, Reply)

Impotent anger at an ex is my specialist subject.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:35, Reply)

impotent anger in general is mine

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:36, Reply)

I try to keep mine at bay
just in order to be able to talk to him reasonably about the kids - he does try to be a good father (useless but mostly harmless). If it wasn't for that I'd be pounding his face into a mash.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:40, Reply)

t ce because of
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:29, Reply)

Dammit people this is HILARIOUS.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:30, Reply)

I smiled to myself about it if that helps

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:32, Reply)

"a rich cunting farmer"
It's more fun than fish farming, though the smell is about the same.
(Cave Duck, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:51, Reply)

javla fitta!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:32, Reply)

RIS?

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:43, Reply)

It means
'Fucking cunt' in Swedish.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Yes, yes he is.
But sadly there's no law against that.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Not yet there isn't
*conspiratorial wink*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:53, Reply)

Isn't there a minimum payment he has to pay for the kids?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:33, Reply)

If she goes via the (completelyt shit) CSA I think it's 15% of gross income.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:34, Reply)

CSA have been entirely useless
And I had to go that way in order to get tax credits - you can't claim them unless the CSA have been contacted.
They even promised to begin a criminal investigation for fraud but again a shit-hot solicitor can outwit them.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Not if your 'income' is less than £15 a week
Amazing what a good accountant can do.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:37, Reply)

Uh huh,
They can hide things but they can't make them dissapear.
So I assume he's self employed?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Yep.
And if you've noticed the agricultural economy over the last twenty or so years it's been fairly poor.

Fucking rich in land and property though, just no liquid assets.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:41, Reply)

It's fucking disgusting. I'm sorry to hear about all this.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:44, Reply)

Well that's getting more complicated then I suppose.
I wouldn't know where to start but I think you shouldn't give up, but you should be realistic about what you can get.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:44, Reply)

Realistically I'll be getting nothing.
And I lost a house (sold when we got married - no equity just cleared the mortgage) - we lived in a farm property so no rent but also made me homeless when I left.
I also lost ten years of my career - I gave up full time teaching in schools to have our children - a joint decision but with the benefit of hindsight I wouldn't have given up my career - I'd be a head teacher by now.
All that said I'm now far happier and have a far, far better life than he ever will because his family are cunts.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:48, Reply)

And your boyfriend is awesome

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Six pack and huge cock
Hahahahahahahah!

Yeah, you've got to be grateful for small (and not so small) mercies.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:51, Reply)

now pjm
stop using chickenlady's account...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:54, Reply)

Doesn't bode well for my skills as an Accountant
one of my clients is being financially arseraped by his ex-wife and the CSA.

I'm assuming your ex-husband is in a partnership with his parents and they are in business as farmers? Can you not request full partnership accounts? Can you prove that his lifestyle does not match his share of the profits?

(TBH I am out of my depth with this sort of thing, accounts preparation and tax calculation is as far as I go).
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Yes
However, there are ways and means - entirely legal - which ensure that you do all the work but own nothing. Add to that various shenanigans which lead to writing off any profit against new 'necessary' purchases.

In theory it is possible to take him to the cleaners but in practice if everything is owned by your parents and not you or your new partner then it's half of fuck all.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:54, Reply)

Look at Dame Shirley Porter.
Tesco heiress but 'unable to pay her fine'...? Fucking bollocks.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:59, Reply)

Exactly
If you're rich you can get out of most things because it's in the best interests of your accountants, solicitors and all the other bastards to keep you rich.
Cunting bastards.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:01, Reply)

I thought that might be the case
They can claim 100% of the first £50,000 spent on large capital items. So all they have to do is buy a tractor (probably on 0% finance) and bye-bye profits.

My client has to account for EVERYTHING he spends, just to prove to the CSA that he doesn't have undisclosed income.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:06, Reply)

He does the same but claims that he spends a lot more on the kids than he does
And then it comes down to my word against his.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:08, Reply)

Some things will be in your favour
If he cohabits with a new partner, the CSA should take her income into account when it comes to his child support payments, but they wont take into account the income of your new partner.

However, all my knowledge of such things is based on my 1 client who is going through the CSA mangle.

Good luck.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:16, Reply)

Thanks
I need to nag the CSA again anyway - they promised a criminal investigation about a year ago and I've heard nothing ever since about it.
To be honest I think the only way I can do anything is through them - I can't afford to go through expensive and lengthy litigation costs and he knows it.
Royally screwed I think is the term.
Avoid farmers, kids!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:20, Reply)

capitalising the A of accountant
doesn't make it cool.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Fine
accountant
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:07, Reply)

You might make yourself even poorer by trying to get what's owed to your kids too
and cause yourself a whole lot of stress. Sod him, let him fail his children, give up what you left with him as lost.
Start all over, free from him and your marriage to him.
I know it's infuriating, but I was never going to get a penny out of my ex, so I eventually came to terms with the fact that I'd been taken for a ride. I was also confident that everybody would see her for what she is, and they did. So will your ex's children.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:35, Reply)

this ^^
I finally picked up the last things from my ex on monday and I now consider him to be an irrelevance
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:39, Reply)

That's how I feel most of the time
but as I've just received letters from his extremely expensive solicitors today I'm utterly airborne.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:42, Reply)

he'll get his...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:55, Reply)

I'm sure he will
I try to be honest but fair when I talk about him to the kids - he does try to be a good father but he's useless. They're not daft and they hate their grandparents now because they can see how we lived.

Still, I'd love to punch him and his parents.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:00, Reply)

He's not trying to be a good father if he's not providing for them

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:01, Reply)

I'm trying to be fair and measured here
He is useless.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:02, Reply)

if he begrudges paying anything towards the kids
then that's not really the attitude of a good father.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:01, Reply)

RAR!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:02, Reply)

*claws air*
I stand by it though.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:04, Reply)

Money before kids, always!
It just makes them grow up tough if they go without.
And anyway money is what people with degrees make and their mother has far too many of them.

*seethes*
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:04, Reply)

I can't stand people like that
poor justification so they don't ever have to experience actually going without a little in order to help those who should mean so much to them.

He will get his just desserts of that I am sure. Possibly with the aid of a cricket bat and a balaclava
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)

I have had rock climbing mates offer to 'sort him out' for about £500
And at least one b3tan who has 'dealings' with dodgy types made the same offer a couple of years back.

It's tempting but doesn't pay for the school shoes.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:12, Reply)

no but he'll realise how much shoes cost
when he pisses on his in terror
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:14, Reply)

Hahahaah!
So very tempting.
But in all honesty I'm not the vengeful type - I'm the impotent rage on the internet type that shows a smiley face to the world while wishing him dead - by natural causes.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:17, Reply)

A good father would sell some land and provide for his children.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:03, Reply)

He'd say that that's a short term answer
by keeping the land there'll be something for his kids when they grow up.

Despite the fact that they probably won't have anything to do with him by then and they'll sell it all to BLACK PEOPLE! That'll make his entire family spontaneously combust - even those in their graves.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:06, Reply)

They'll make sure that there's 'nothing' for the kids to inherit anyway

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)

This is not necesarily true, sadly.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:01, Reply)

I am starting to think I have been ripped off
either by an online retailer - or the fucking Royal Mail. Either way the rare funk-rock 45 I ordered a couple of weeks back IS NOT IN MY POSSESSION. In a rare departure from my normal sunny demeanour I am NOT FUCKING HAPPY.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:33, Reply)

They're probably sending it by stage coach
to match the outdated format.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:45, Reply)

I wish I did not find this amusing.
A friend of mine once asked me if I'd ever answered the door at home, to have someone ask me if I could tell my dad to turn his music down.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:02, Reply)

Out of interest...
...what is the track?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:20, Reply)

Cliff Richard and The Selecter remixing Play That Funky Music White Boy.
Again.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:45, Reply)

Kitty
Morrisons do a house version of trolli burgers. Not bad, not bad.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Is it a remix?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:12, Reply)

"lol"

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:14, Reply)

*waves hands in air*
"Trolli burgers all night long...Trolli burgers all night long..."
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:16, Reply)

I've only just noticed this sorry
I shall go and investigate!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:43, Reply)

RARRRRRRR
I am no longer allowed to take my little girl to Carnival (which she loved last year) - instead she'd being taken to a fucking CHRISTENING on Sunday.

I'm sure we all remember how much fun going to christenings was, as a child, don't we? What fun we had!

The fucking stupid, selfish fucking bitch.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:13, Reply)

that's a fucker. Any chance you can take her on Monday instead?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:14, Reply)

Fuck that - it's carnage on the Monday.
Sunday is specifically designated as 'family day'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:15, Reply)

True Monday isn't good but better than not taking her at all though?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:16, Reply)

Her mother will not allow it.
EDIT and in truth I'd be rather nervous about taking her on the Monday.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:30, Reply)

It's looking like it will be a bit of a washout if the rain continues.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:42, Reply)

Fucking exes

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:15, Reply)

Does your daughter know that she was supposed to be going to the carnival?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:24, Reply)

I did tell her that next week I was taking her to a big party.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:31, Reply)

In that case I hope she's forgotten and that she'll be satisfied with running around a church hall with other children, listening to the Nolans

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:37, Reply)

Well let's just hope that she spends the entire Christening making it clear she'd rather be at
"The Big Party" that Daddy was taking her to.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:44, Reply)

The irony being that I have never forgiven my parents for taking me to a carnival
when they had promised to take me to church

but then I was raped by a clown
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:52, Reply)

Hey Monty
Do you have set arrangement in place for seeing your kid? Do you have certain days of the week, or is it just whenever it suits you and the ex?

I split up with my ex earlier this year, and I have my kids exactly half the time. The pattern is known months in advance, so there's no arguments. I get them every Wed and Thurs, plus every other weekend (Fri - Sun) so I get them 2 days one week, then 5 days the next. Thankfully my mother in law steps into the breach to look after them during school hols.

However I have just exercised flexibility this week cos the ex wants to borrow the kids for 1 night during 1 of 'my' weekends, cos it's a family party. It'll be interesting to see if she is equally flexible if I need a reciprocal arrangement at som efuture time. Probably not - until I make her look like a twat by pointing out my previous flexibility.

To be honest with you, I'd rather not have to see or deal with her ever again, but as long as we have kids, there'll always be a link between us.

I appreciate that my situation is nowhere near as bad as yours, but you have my utmost sympathies.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:33, Reply)

When did we stop calling each other cunts at every chance?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:37, Reply)

You cunt.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:39, Reply)

Sorry
you cunt.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:39, Reply)

Thank you
I get 10am-1pm alternating between the Saturday and the Sunday of every weekend. That's the legal minimum - I do see her more than that, but I am not allowed to take her out on my own, so my visits take place in my ex's house, and if we go out, she comes too.

It is, as they say 'fucking shit'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:52, Reply)

How can they justify not allowing you to take her out on your own?
This was legally approved? It's ludicrous.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:55, Reply)

To change this will cost me another grand or two which I just don't have.
And also probably my undergoing independent assessment - which I'd welcome, that said. Ten minutes observing me with my child would be enough for anyone to see my ex is just being a vengeful cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:02, Reply)

Haven't you got a nice relative who'd lend it to you?
You'd not regret it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:05, Reply)

My mother helped me before to the tune of several grand,
and has just lent me 3k more for my roof. My father lost his inheritance in court so the Boyce millions are gone.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:07, Reply)

Arrange a benefit night

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:10, Reply)

I know a shit band that could play

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:21, Reply)

I'm not sure how a makeup application
party would help :(
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:25, Reply)

all sounds suspiciously 'Bowie' to me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:28, Reply)

That is a fucking outrage my friend.
Why the hell is that happening?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:00, Reply)

Spite and vengeance on my ex's part.
Revenge for my dumping her for being a violent psychopath.

It is true I have certain, ahem, hobbies that are not strictly legal but I've never once been late or anything other than 100% sober and with it when seeing my little girl. Not once. What makes this even more ridiculous is that my ex was a LEGENDARY drug taker when we met, and she still dabbles now, too.

She'd fail a blood test as surely as I would - but I would never, ever do anything to jeopardise the wellbeing of my child and she fucking knows it - she just wants to upset me and my family to score points in her nasty litte mind.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:06, Reply)

you know this upsets me
almost as much as my weed going mouldy.

;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:08, Reply)

That much, eh?
Haha
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:13, Reply)

indeed
that's how much empathy I have for you and your situation.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:15, Reply)

That means A LOT, man.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:19, Reply)

it should do.
in all seriousness, it'd be shitty if you were restricted to one weekend in two, but the unjustness of your situation, particularly when it is evident how much you dote on your daughter, is quite heart-rending.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:21, Reply)

Some men are offered every weekend
and only want one weekend in two - and only then when it suits them and not including Friday night because that's the night he gets to play daddy with his new gf's kids.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Steady on Vippers.
That is just the lack of THC causing you to lose perspective.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:13, Reply)

Fucking shit indeed
It never fails to wind me up when people use kids to make a point by restricting access to them. Surely she knows that a kid would be better off with a Dad around, even if they are not together any more.

FUCKING BITCH!

What is your daughter going to think of her mam when she is old enough to realise what is going on?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:04, Reply)

^^This
You have to hold onto that - your daughter will soon realise that her mother is a bitch.

My hope is that all evil exes will rot alone.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:10, Reply)

Well said that chicken(lady)

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:12, Reply)

At the moment it's me rotting alone.
I am so fucked up all this that no sane woman would go near me.

EDIT I'm also a complete wanker which doesn't help.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:15, Reply)

Have you considered bumderism?
(And this is not a chat up line.)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:17, Reply)

Yes it is - give it up Tuggers.
Like I said in reply to your gaz, Monty just don't swing that way, yo.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:20, Reply)

*looks shocked*
You said you would keep your mouth shut (after having it so far open).
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:27, Reply)

I was drunk and I regretted it instantly.
It's just not going to happen again. When I think about that night I'm filled with disgust - disgust at myself, and disgust at you and your 'oh, my clothes got all wet and I haven't got any spare so I've had to put on this dress I found in the wardrobe, here, have an E' routine. I was vulnerable and you exploited me.

I hate you SO MUCH.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:32, Reply)

Monty.
I am having twins!
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:37, Reply)

*kills self*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:38, Reply)

*steals stash and Motorhead ticket*

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:40, Reply)

That's all I have to cling onto - the 'long game'....

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:22, Reply)

I have nowhere to live come Tuesday 12pm
As the university decided I'm not elligible for halls as of yesterday, despite telling me for months I was. I am now fucked. I could kill someone.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:13, Reply)

Kill Chickenlady's ex.
Win/win.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 16:18, Reply)

Yay!

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:02, Reply)

arse

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 29 Aug 2010, 14:53, Reply)