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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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It's Lampito's Birthday today
Today she leaves the immature world of the teenager and joins the refined grown up world of people in their twenties. Today she stops having anonymous sex with strangers on bins outside skanky nightclubs, and instead makes love with friends she hasn't met yet on waste receptacles outside trendy wine bars.

What was the best or worst birthday present you've ever received?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:09, 235 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
Sympathy reply
right here.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:23, Reply)
What the hell is your icon?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:26, Reply)
It's Jet Set Willy

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:31, Reply)
Ew

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:32, Reply)
It's Jet Set WIlly

(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:31, Reply)
I have no idea

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:32, Reply)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jet_Set_Willy
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)
best was probably the sewing machine I got for my 16th.
I love it.

How are you Al?
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:26, Reply)
I'm pretty good thanks
Are you still coming over in November?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:31, Reply)
sure am.
My flight is on the 15th of November. First stop is with Amorous Badger and Wicca'd Witch.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)
I got a sewing machine for my 14th Birthday and I loved it.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)
I use mine fairly often, and it's a good model too, so it'll last me for years.
like, two nights ago I made a fairy skirt from scratch. :P
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)
Did you put it on and then have soem fairy bread?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)
sure did.
it's for our muck up (read last) day of school, theme was fantasy. So I made a fairy costume. didn't take long.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)
drum kit

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:26, Reply)
You're right
That's a pretty rubbish present.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:28, Reply)
au contraire pod, it was brilliant.
worst present, the wrong ride cymbal.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)
The wrong really expensive piece of metal? OH NO!
I don't think my family would ever try to buy me anything for my kit, would just get me to buy it myself.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)
Actually I think it might have been my fault now
was 7 years ago my memory isn't what it was. It was the first and last time they bought me drum tech.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)
Yeah, that would take some beating...

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:06, Reply)
Best present was probably my Leatherman that my friends clubbed together and got me one year
The worst would be the Pop Idol winners album from my Aunt, who claimed she got me it because she didn't really know what kind of music I liked, but reckoned I must like that kind of thing. She was entirely wrong.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:27, Reply)
I get all "oooh shiney shiney!" over Leathermans,
but I can't justify spending £90 on what is effectively pliers and a pen knife.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:30, Reply)
Which makes it all the better
When your friends buy you one.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:31, Reply)
I don't even have any friends

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:32, Reply)
My mates bought me one in the States
A Leatherman Wave. Over here they cost 90-110 quid, but in the States they cost about 30-40 bucks.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)
Damn Americans
I can't remember what model it is I have, and probably shouldn't check since I'm sitting in a coffee shop.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)
Next time I go over
I might bring a couple back to flog on eBay.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)

flog on eBay send to PoD free of charge
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)

couple latino hooker
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)

on eBay
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)
"THAT'S NOT A KNOIFF, THAT'S A KNOIFF!"
Oh wait...it's a screwdriver
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)
and this is a nail file
And this, I'm not sure, maybe for poking stones out of horses hooves?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)
Damn those yanks and their inexpensive muli-tools!
The 'Wave' is the one I want. Still undecided on nylon or leather for the sheath.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)
Mine came with a leather sheath
A very useful tool.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)
I would hate to have it confiscated though
you can now gat a Leatherman that doesnt have a blade. What's the point? (ha, I cracked a funny by mistake)
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)
I don't carry mine around with me
I only use it when camping, or if there's a chance I'll be doing some minor DIY.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)
When I was flying out on my honeymoon
the guy behind me had a leatherman in his pocket.

I'm always amazed that so many people still have no idea about the no blades and no liquids rule, I can understand forgetting about a penknife in your bag, but to leave it in your pocket is just retarded.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)
I remember flying to Northern Ireland a few years ago
And having to empty my backpack of things like penknifes and lighters. Not even really sure why they were all in there to start with.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)
Does it compensate for the inadequateness of your "tool"?

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)
Well it is more satisfying to stab with...

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)
Is it in yet?

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)
Yes :(
*sadface*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)
My parents have a knack
Of getting me something I didn't ask for, despite clear instructions. I said I wanted a watch with a thick leather strap, and showed them some examples from Fossil.
They bought me a very nice Fossil watch that was perfect, except it had a thin, weedy strap. I was able to exchange it for the one I wanted though.
If I give them 3 examples of something I want, they'll buy a 4th, same price (I'm not cheeky and ask for expensive things, unlike my sister) but completely dissimilar to the examples I'd chosen.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:30, Reply)
My mother does this
the item she chooses is usually eye watering in its horrendousness, too.
(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:49, Reply)
My parents now give me money for my birthday
Which this year will be magically transmogrified into ink that will be permanently injected into my flesh.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)
I may ask for a portable belt sander for my birthday.....

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)
I may ask you to fuck right off

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:53, Reply)
I'm joking!
I already own a belt sander
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:57, Reply)
My belt sander broke
I need to get it repaired.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:06, Reply)
Alt q: A walkman. Ultra-slim with a little remote control.
I got it for my 13th and I still have it. The rechargeable battery died and the earphones with remote broke, but I can use other earphones and attach an AA battey using the little attachment I got with it.
It still looks gorgeous and modern and tiny and I can listen to cassettes on it.
It's nearly 20 years old.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:30, Reply)
I came across my old walkman when I moved home a few months ago
Something bad appears to have happened with batteries, and it doesn't want to work anymore. Sad times.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:32, Reply)
I didn't even know they had invented walkmans when you were 13!
agelolz.

How is my favouritest scouser in the whole world? Is your man still treating you right?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)
Alright, I admit it. It's a gramophone on wheels.
I'm boss, Al, but well well busy. How's my favourite kind-of-geordie?
And yup, he is mostly awesome, but I'm cross, because when I was out last night all my mates seemed to be more interested in how he was doing than in giving me the attention I demand.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)
Oh man, I think your mates are people after my own heart
I feeling a little delicate this morning, went out for what should have been a relatively quiet dinner which ended up in us drinking 3 litres of red wine and then going to the pub for a couple before closing.

I've eaten four croissants for breakfast and I feel a bit sicky.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)
Snap.
I have a burnt arse from one mouthful of someone else's burny-hot curry.(My curry wasn't all that hot) and I also drank a bottle of wine follwed by an extra glass.

Now I have to go and yap at 400 freshers at a time ALL day. Shitting inbetween sessions.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)
Is it Fresher's Week there?
Ahh the memories!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:49, Reply)
Yup
and there seems to be a higher incidence of child-prodigies this year.
It must be that. It can't be that I'm getting older and that 18-year-olds look 12, right?
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)
Tell me about it
And you've just reminded me of my 1st day at uni, where I was accosted by a goth girl who chatted to me and asked to meet up for drinks later.
We had drinks, she told me about her fiance, then later on made a move on me and cried when I knocked her back. "You've got a fiance!" apparently means that I think she's ugly.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)
I was looking at them yesterday thinking
"How many of you are filled with regret already? Dirty drunken mongs."
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:57, Reply)
The lass who lived above me,
Gorgeous Geordie girl, started as she meant to go on by loudly banging some random guy at 6am on the first morning in Halls (Carnatic Halls, Lady Mountford House!).
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)
Sometimes I wish I'd carried on shockingly
but mostly I'm glad I didn't.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)
There are opportunities I had in uni I wish I'd taken
And a couple I wish I hadn't.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)
Was one of them TGB?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:06, Reply)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)
Yeah you want me

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)
+ to make me a goddamn white russian

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)
I would for you

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)
Awww!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)
At least 25% of them are currently harbouring a brand new STI.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)
Yup

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:03, Reply)
This is horrifying
all the more so because it's probably true.
(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)
Since I've been dealing with freshers every year for the last 12 years
I can categorically state that they must be getting slightly younger every year, as we can't possibly be getting older. Oh no.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)

20 10
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)
;)

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)
+0

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:49, Reply)
You little bleeder

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)
Sorry, couldn't resist.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)
It's my b/day next Thursday
and my Mrs is taking me away for the weekend tomorrow. Don't know where yet so am genuinely excited about a weekend break. Brilliant!

Happy candles Lampito! 20 years old is great, I loved it.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)
A book called
"Milton Keynes in the news" by uni friends.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)
A distant relative used to get me weird presents
Including; an Osmonds tape, a pack of lace doilies, a hideous make up bag with suspicious stain inside and I think I once got half a box of chocolates.

Best present was my awesome hand etched Badger glass which was destroyed by screamer and I was gutted :(
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)
Poor TeeGeeBeegies.
TGB! TGB! There are only 4 weeks to go until DG's birthday bash and you get to kick me in the head! How excited are you!?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)
Oh man I've stolen some steel capped boots from work for the occasion!

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)
Just checked trains
I'll be getting into Marylebone just after 6pm, so in the pub by 6:30 I reckon.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)
First motorboating by 7pm
Monty will be knobbing his girlfriend by 7.15
Tourettes will have gassed us all by 7.25
TGB will kick me in the head by 7.45
And Davros will grow visibly more dapper as the evening progresses.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)
If Monty's girlfriend appears
Depends on her mode of transport.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)
Broomstick?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)
Montys girlfriend doesn't have a motorised form of transport as far as I know
But she is a wonderful person.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)
Oh I know
Yes, I know
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:03, Reply)
You know?
Do you know what I know? You know?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)
I may not know what you know
but I know you know what I know you know.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)
I know you know, you were the first to know
Now I know and Lab knows, but we may know more than you know
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)
If you know more than I know then I know you're duty bound to let me know what you know.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)
No

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)
Well after the bash, we'll all know.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)
Yes.

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)
I think I know who it is now.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)
I shall be wearing a low cut t-shirt.
Just saying.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)
WOOHOO

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)
: )

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)
All the better for Lampito to give you that nuzzling
that Crow forgot to give you on her behalf in June.
(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)
I'm never going to be allowed to forget this, am I?

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:12, Reply)
You were strictly told to nuzzle your head in a ladies breasts and you forgot.
What do you think?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)
^ this

(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)
Au contraire.
I was told to grope them.

This does not detract in the slightest from the fact that I completely forgot to do so...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)
Or so you claim

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)
I'll be there
Unless my car won't start.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:03, Reply)
Or you get stuck down by shitheaditis

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)
So does mine
which train are you getting?
(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)
I'll be getting one from Warwick Parkway
Think it starts in Brum though.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)
Warwick Parkway at 16:20?

(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:03, Reply)
OMG YOU TWO ARE TRAIN BUDDIES

(PsychoChomp, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:06, Reply)
Your jealousy is palpable
I'm palping it right now.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:06, Reply)
Shush, you

(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:06, Reply)
I'm really confused as to who you are now
I thought you were the lady in the floaty purple dress who did LARP, but that's someone else isn't it.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)
Isn't that VARIABLE related incident?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)
No, isn't that cougar-related-incident?
Not me, anyway. Purple dress, possibly; floaty, no and LARPing definitely not.
(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)
I think you're right
I also thought the story about the sandy cock was Lampito. Sorry for not knowing who you are. It'll be nice to meet you in October.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)
That's alright
I didn't think I'd be so much looking forward to meeting a load of weirdos off the internet, but I really am.
(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:17, Reply)
It's a lot easier after the first time.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)
Like so many things in life.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

"First one is tough, no fuckin' foolin'. The second one... the second one ain't no fuckin' Mardis Gras either, but it's better than the first one 'cause you still feel the same thing, y'know... except it's more diluted, y'know it's... it's better. I threw up on the first one, you believe that? Then the third one... the third one is easy, you level right off. It's no problem. Now... shit... now I do it just to watch their fuckin' expression change. "
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)
Haha!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)
You threw up?
My first was in Manchester. It was EXTRRRRRREEEEEEMMMMMMME
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)
Notice the quotation marks
Now may I point you to True Romance, one of my favourite films.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

time few pints
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)
Haha, yes, I suspect this is correct
I'm staying in a hostel though, so I can't get too shitfaced.
(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:24, Reply)
this is not correct
correct to 'I can't get so shitfaced I can't actually walk'
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)
I really mustn't
it would be bad news for all concerned. I will likely become, in no particular order, lairy, naked, covered in vomit, asleep, or a combination thereof.
(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)
I think you might find
that's no different from all other b3tans.

Mind you I'm no-one to talk. I went to London to hear a speech by some Tory, we had a few in the bar, then rather than go home we stayed the night in an all-night casino. Left London at half 4 and the train took so long that when we arrived we were now in peaktime and I had to pay 25 pounds at the gate before they'd let me through. Oh the rock and roll life :(
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)
The perils of going to listen to cunts talking.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)
He was quite interesting actually
not a huge fan of Eric Pickles but he made some good points
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)
Should be
If I get out of work on time! Save me a seat, so I'm not sat next to a weirdo (that I haven't met before).
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:06, Reply)
Haha, a known quantity of internet weirdo
is better than an unknown quantity of train weirdo. Seems fair. And man with giant mohawk should be fairly easy to spot.
(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)
Cool beans!
I usually find people don't want to sit next to me when I have the mo up.
Maybe I smell or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)
The mo growls at people

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)
The mo is sleeping at the moment
I long for the day when I can have surgery to grant me control of my hair, so that by tensing a muscle it'll erect the mo.
A bit like Zoidberg can do with his mo.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)
You and berk have met before at my bash.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)

I think he was implying she was a weirdo he's met before
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)
That was my point :)
I was inferring she is a weirdo I have met before ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)
Oh! that's ok then.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)
I'm absolutely fucking gutted I can't come, was starting to really look forward to it too!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)
LAME

(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:12, Reply)
Blame my friend, he's getting married the week before
I would have been pretty skint anyway, tis about 3 days before payday!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)
An Airfix-type kit of all the satellites around the world. From 1991. I got bored after two and tried to build a giant space station.
Long story short, it's probably for the best that I wasn't in charge of the ISS project. It would have ended badly. Poly cement everywhere...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)
some good client ideas
on the other thread ta guys. the spiders can go fuck themselves though, i hate spiders with a passion.

birthday present - best: probably driving lessons and a 1970s funky beetle for my 17th. although the watch i got for my 30th took some of the sting out of that dreaded day too. worst: a coupon for two hours of "kinky sex" from my then boyfriend who had (i) clearly forgotten my birthday; (ii) stolen the idea from 'friends'; and (iii) was totally incapable of delivering anything like 2 hours, kinkiness or indeed sex.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)
Did you head down to the kitchen
get yourself a nice bit of ciabatta and sort yourself out for an hour or two instead?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)
probably went for a drive to cheer up some lorry drivers

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)
this is more likely
than al's sudden and disturbing obsession with breadporn.

although he does seem to be on a ROLL with it...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)
ARF!
I love it when you join in with my jokes.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)
instead of telling you to
foc(cacia) off?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)
Brilliant - keep them c(r)um(b)ing!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)
i'm not
your ho(vis)
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)
Probably my 1986 mini for my 17th
I did stump up for half of it myself, though.
(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)
I'd like to add that today is also my birthday.
I've not received a single card or anything.

Do I care? Not really.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)
happy birthday you grouchy old fecker

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)
Bollocks to ya.
I've got a hangover.

Fucking hell. I'm 36.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)
Woohoo!
Any grey hairs yet?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)
No.
And you know what?

The woman in the supermarket made my day on Monday by asking me for ID.

Brilliant!
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)
Some supermarkets have to do that even if you look old when you're buying alcohol or fags.
Company policy. It was in the papers a while ago about a 60 year old man getting asked for ID.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)
Just out of curiosity..
When were you last asked for ID?

(It's my birthday, so I can ask questions like that).
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)
About a year ago at Morrisons.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)
It gave me a glow of achievement
Getting asked to prove my age.

I might go back to the supermarket again today, see if I can't get asked again.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)
you're old enough to be lamps' dad

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)
Your point being?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)
you are lamps' dad
doing anything to mark this wonderful day?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)
Probably go to the pub this evening
Aside from that, nothing.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)
only if he was a chav

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)
bristol city fan, he probably got a rockport coat and timberlands for his bday

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)
And you can get to fuck you pusher of drugs onto kids.
You going to the woods later with your possie to 'see some puppies'?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)
hahaha
nope tonight I am cooking for some friends then playing poker. Titties in the woods is friday nights.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)
Woods?
You mean that bar at the top of Park St?

Or the 'woods' where you lure your prey with the promise of cheap weed and your 'massive high-hat'.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)
Hang on.
Is that a dig at me or Lamp?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)
I was being nice
saying it was unlikely you'd have a 20 year old child unless you were a chav
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)
True enough.
When I was at school, one of the girls got pregnant at 14 and kept the child.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)
Not much changed at St Toms then
when I turned up to collect my GCSEs a fair few of the girls were pushing prams and delighted with their 3Us and an F
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:36, Reply)
Surely it was the 'F U's' that got them into that state?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TWINNY

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)
happy birthday to you too lamps

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)
Shut it Bert.
Happy Birthday to you too, twinny.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:24, Reply)
I've posted yoau present
Not sure how fresh it will be on arrival... in hindsight wrapping it in bubblewrap may have been a bad idea
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)
Oooh. Ooooh.
What is it?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:24, Reply)
A birthday shag

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)
Fantastic.
Does the person you've wrapped in the bubbly stuff do that thing I like?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)
it can lick it's own balls, yes

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)
**Gets a massive lob-on**

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)
Happy birthday, Jeff
Come down to Battersea Park, it's full of dogs. I saw some gorgeous specimens on my way in today. Perhaps I'll kidnap one for you as a late birthday present.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)
Thanks Crow.
I like Weimaraners best. But anything will do. I'm not a dog racist.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:34, Reply)
INTERNET CARD
Congrats JTDF.

36 eh? That's a proper age!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)
It is isn't it?
Thanks for reminding me.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:34, Reply)
*conveys full membership status of 36 club*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)
Oooh.
Does this make me special?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)
It
makes you MORE special.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)
**beams with pride at being extra special**
needs.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)
I've not opened any presents yet
but I opened a few cards last night and so far I have £30. Not fuckin' bad.

Best present: probably my music player in terms of use, and in pure emotional value the 7" copy of Laika from my ex. Not sure what the worst was.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)
Happy Birthday

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)
Happy birthday Lampers

(berk, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)
Happy birthday kiddo.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)
Happy Birthday to Lampito
and JefftheDogFucker naturally.

Worst birthday present was clothes I hated, music I disliked and the aggrieved knowledge that my brother had been bought a quite expensive graphics card.

Best (not in material worth just enjoyment) was the year my mother stopped talking to me, so my dad just gave me money to buy myself what I wanted, and bought me an MP3 player.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)
I can't believe none of you liked the clothes and music?
Surely that's the benifit of havng four bodies?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)
Well there were poledancing outfits
and retro trendy wear, and corsets. But nothing for the third of LAAK who was celebrating their birthday (size wise not constituent part)
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)
You just need designer wear cunningly bought on Ebay

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)
Happy Birthday, Lampers
Best birthday present - certainly in terms of longevity and sentimental value - is the bass guitar I acquired for my 16th birthday. It was a kit of a Precision bass copy and over the course of a week or two my father and I sanded it, painted it and bolted it together, and it remains the best-sounding bass I've ever owned. And even to this day it travels with me on my mission to become the ultimate basswhore.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)
happy birthday
lampito and jeff!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:34, Reply)
Thanks Swipe.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)
Thank you very much!

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:44, Reply)
I should like to wish the happiest of birthdays to both Lampers and young Jeffrey.
My brother took me to see Gong for my birthday this year. That's a good one. I cannot recall anything spectacularly bad - or good - as my family aren't especially big on presents. Being 'old money' we haven't got any.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)
if this were anyone else
i'd say, so you're just 'old' then. which would also be pretty hypocritical of me. but as it's you, bestest of all the montys, i'll just say HELLO, HOW'S YOUR THURSDAY?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:00, Reply)
Ask him how his girlfriend is, go on, ask him.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:02, Reply)
don't forget to mention cars (I still don't actually get this)

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:03, Reply)
I initially thought your girlfriend was a different person to who it actually is.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:06, Reply)
I should like to point out
that spending some pleasant time with a woman does not makes them your OFFICIAL GIRLFRIEND.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:07, Reply)
Maybe not
But teasing them about it is AWESOME.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:08, Reply)
^This
Monty and his girlfriend sitting in a tree.

K.I.S.S.I.N.G.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:08, Reply)

K.I.S.S R.I.M.M
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:10, Reply)
MONTYS GOT A GIRLFRIEND

(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:09, Reply)
It's also fun asking said lady how her boyfriend is

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:10, Reply)
I haven't done that yet
maybe I should. Trouble is I'm more scared of her than I am of him.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:20, Reply)
WHAT!? Are you saying you just had casual bum fun with a lady and you didn't call them back!?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:08, Reply)
It was a man actually so HA!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:09, Reply)
MONTYS GOT A BOYFRIEND!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:10, Reply)
Is it you Al?
Do you ride him wilst geting him to make bell noises?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:12, Reply)
He does. It's GRATE.
How are you today, my little sugar-plum?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:18, Reply)
althedetective
Narrowed the candidates down to two on his makeshift Guess Who? flipper board, one of which owns a vehicle, the other does not.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:06, Reply)
Good day to you, picture of loveliness that you are.
It's grim and soggy here in North Finchley, but I have a spring in my step and a song in my heart, for you have asked me how I am.

I am getting more and more excited about this weekend by the minute, too.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:03, Reply)
Time with the daughter on your own?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:05, Reply)
He's already semi-erect.
incestlolz
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:06, Reply)
Everyone from Enyzme down is OK with it so I thought I'd give it a try.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:08, Reply)
There is nothing morally wrong with it.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:09, Reply)
what is the song?
better make it relatively mainstream though, or i will be too woefully ignorant to have heard of it.

well, thu is the start of the weekend. have you got all your plans lined up now then??

ps: i am going to start framing some of your compliments for when i am having a shit day. they are quite lyrical and i approve wholeheartedly.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:06, Reply)
Barry White's 'Let Me In And Let´s Begin With Love'
Tomorrow night I am going to have to be a very, very good boy so that I'm on the toppest of forms for Saturday morning: picking up my little girl at ten, taking her to my friends' house so she can (hopefully) make friends with their similarly aged daughter. Sounds minor - it's not at all. I'll feel like a real father at last.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:15, Reply)
it doesn't sound minor at all
it sounds amazing and when your ex hears from your daughter what a good time she had, she will realise what she has been depriving her of, out of selfishness.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:32, Reply)
Cheers Monty.
How are you today?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:03, Reply)
Not half bad.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:04, Reply)
A quarter bad?
Can you describe it in one word? In a sound?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:05, Reply)
The sound of backwards guitar, psychedelic-style, is my signature sound.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:17, Reply)

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