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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I feel a bit broken today
What is the point of treating yourself to an extra 40 minutes in bed if you still feel absolutely knackered when you get up?

What pointless uses of your time have you been disappointed by the outcome of lately?

Alt Q - what exactly is baldmonkey on about?

Alt Alt Q - if you were Prime Minister, how would you make use of Britain's wastes of space? Things like Derby, Michael McIntyre, Radio 1
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:18, 207 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
maybe he got that many posts on /talk.
not sure.

also, I'm disappointeed by being crook when my exams start monday. Still crook. been to the docs and all.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:21, Reply)
Sorry honey am not familiar with the lingo
I assume "crook" means ill, in which case I really hope it clears up soon... Have you got a break after your exams end?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:23, Reply)
Of course it means 'ill'
Have you never watched Neighbours? :-)
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:25, Reply)
Not since the '80s
and am very pleased with myself for being able to say this

Note; Poppet, this is no reflection on your people, just on Neighbours
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:26, Reply)
no I agree, Neighbours and Home and Away are rubbish shows.
I have four days break, and then I"m on a plane to you lot.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:30, Reply)
Yeah, but
they used that expression in the 80s, I'm sure. I can imagine Max Ramsay saying something like that.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:32, Reply)
the fact you know his name means you must be shunned. SHUNNED.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:35, Reply)
Heh!
I used to be a big fan. I still watch it occasionally, but just to perv over Libby. The programme itself is shite.

But I have been to Pin Oak Court in Melbourne, just to be nosy.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:38, Reply)
Sorry to hear you are ill.
I feel fucking terrible myself today. Foxes woke me up at what must have been about 2am and I lay in bed stressing about shit for fucking hours. I'm liable to be even grumpier than usual today.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:31, Reply)
*is turned on*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:32, Reply)
Real foxes, BGB, not 'foxes'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:43, Reply)
I was getting turned on by the thought of you being more grumpy than usual.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:46, Reply)
Each to their own, I suppose...

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:47, Reply)
Go on.......call me a cunt.
You know I like it.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:49, Reply)
*calls BGB's cunt*
I think my phones broken. All I can hear is a bubbling noise
(Bazongaloid, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:01, Reply)
So lovely to see you again Al : )
I forgot how cute you are IRL.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:05, Reply)
*happies*
Thank you my dear, it was lovely to see you too. I'd forgotten how magnificent your breasts were.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:13, Reply)
Kinda looks like Derren Brown.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:41, Reply)
^POTD
I know it's early but the bar has been set
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:07, Reply)
thanks.
how can you have foxes waking you up? you're in the middle of London!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:33, Reply)
The place is full of them.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:34, Reply)
that's bloody mental.
I've never seen a fox here except for on the roads, squished in two.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:35, Reply)
Are they real foxes?
Or dingos in red coats.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:40, Reply)
dingos don't live as far south as I do.
they're foxes.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:43, Reply)
Could have been a dingo on holiday
with a red coat to keep it warm on the south coast?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:44, Reply)
haha

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:02, Reply)
There are fucking loads of them.
I probably see one a month. Last night they were wailing away right outside my flat. They're fucking noisy and sound like babies in torment.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:35, Reply)
that's nuts.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:36, Reply)
We get foxes in the garden several times a week. I would like to instigate urban fox hunting on motorbikes.
Gypsies could also be hunted in this way.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:49, Reply)
I have a special tormenting fox
who shits in the same spot by my back door every fucking day. I swear to god I'll do time for it.
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:52, Reply)
FUCKING HELL! YOU NEVER POST, AND THEN WHEN YOU DO YOU'RE BASHING FOXES! WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM YOU FOXIST!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:02, Reply)
Hahahaha!
Foxist ist gut ja!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:13, Reply)
It's a big messy blob of shite that stinks, it ain't a good start to the day

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:25, Reply)
I've seen more foxes in London
than I've ever seen round my place in a reasonably rural part of Scotland.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:35, Reply)
same here
never see any in Exeter, and rarely saw them in rural Devon either.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:01, Reply)
Urban foxes!
I get them in my back garden too, sounds like someone being murdered when they scream.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:39, Reply)
I read on here once
that their scream sounds exactly like a young woman being raped. Of course, having no reference point, I can not verify this.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:41, Reply)
Jimmy Hill.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:47, Reply)
University
Alt: No one ever knows this, baldmonkey is baldmonkey, when he's not on about eggs he's on about bird watching or something equally wacky.

Alt Alt: I'd ship them off to Afghanistan
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:22, Reply)
Morning!
40 minutes extra bed time is better at the beginning than the end, in my experience. I sleep better that way.

I have been using my time wisely lately, so I'm afraid I don't have an answer to your question. Not indeed to your Alt-Q. I wondered WTF that was all about. I'm guessing it's something to do with the number of OT posts.

Alt Alt A: Close them down and use the money thus saved to do awesome stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:25, Reply)
I love the idea of closing down Derby
Can't imagine the 39 pence saved by not having to run it would go far though. Morning, by the way
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:27, Reply)
I was thinking of building a huge wall round about it
and letting it just decay naturally, back to nature. Some of the people may even (de-)evolve into a new species.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:30, Reply)
I dunno
They've been mating with sheep for years anyway, although if you've seen what passes for an indiginous woman in those parts it's almost understandable
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:33, Reply)
To be honest
I've never been there. Is it as bad as Slough, or Swindon?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:36, Reply)
Can't comment on Swindon
but Derby is the worst place I've ever physically been. It's full of people from Derby, for one thing.

And I've been to Stoke
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:41, Reply)
I'll see your Derby
and raise you Cumbernauld.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:44, Reply)
I'll see you Cumbernauld and raise you Trowbridge.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:56, Reply)
Never been to either
and have now crossed them off my list of places to visit in the UK. Thank you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:01, Reply)
Ey up me dook

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:45, Reply)
I'm trying to be positive about Slough at the moment,
as I may move here next year. It's got plenty of ethnic culture. Good links to London. That's all at the moment.

I've only been to Derby a couple of times. It was very dull.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:47, Reply)
There are loads of nice villages about 15 minutes drive north of Slough.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:18, Reply)

15 minutes 200 miles
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:30, Reply)
Last time I was in Derby, some bloke introduced my to his wife, sister and mother
It was one woman.
(I helped save b3ta! disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:27, Reply)
You spoke to someone in Derby?
You of all people should know better than to fraternise with the opposition
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:31, Reply)
Who pissed on your internet chips yesterday then?

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:28, Reply)
This is hardly the place to talk about it,
if that helps. Congrats on surviving the cull, not that I expect you noticed
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:29, Reply)
so gaz.
come on, gossip is always good.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:31, Reply)
There's no gossip to speak of, just me being an oversensitive twat
Certain people make me very angry/frustrated but I'm sure that's true of everyone
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:37, Reply)
Everyone gets their buttons pushed occasionally.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:38, Reply)
Very occastionally in my case : (

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:41, Reply)
*pushes*

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:06, Reply)
Quite so
My buttons are easier to press than most, which makes you wonder why I keep frequenting this place really
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:42, Reply)
Because you'd miss me terribly?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:44, Reply)
Effectively, yeah
There are a few people I'd miss conversing with and most of the time I can tolerate the absolute wankers for that reason
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:55, Reply)
You have taken more stick recently and have put up with it pretty well - not sure I could take that level of abuse.
I think it's partly due to Bob not being around so much so you're getting vitriol normally reserved for him.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:58, Reply)
That's very decent of you
I don't think I've handled it very well at all, unfortunately said stick has coincided with my being tired and generally ratty in real life. Unless you mean I keep turning up undeterred, which could be defined as handling the abuse well or outright masochism
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:03, Reply)
You haven't flounced which is a good thing. I think I would have in the same circumstances.
Disclaimer: this does not mean that I won't take this piss out of you on occasion in future.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:04, Reply)
I've got a two-week holiday in Vietnam coming up soon
and am fulling planning to flounce immediately before I go, offending as many people as I possibly can in the process.

Then turn up again and act as if nothing happened
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:08, Reply)
Excellent flounce planning
*doffs cap*
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:16, Reply)
I did notice, indeed.
I survived three culls yesterday, lovely. I knocked about fifteen people off my list, but disappointingly with three or four people it's easier to hide them in my feed that have them realise I've actively deleted them.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:33, Reply)
so did I actually - everybody's cracking it at each other!
massive culls on facebook.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:34, Reply)
Like, Darth knocked-off more than ten percent of his total friends.
Makes me wonder how liberal people are with their acceptances. I've often considered creating a fake account and just adding everyone on Facebook to see how many would accept me.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:36, Reply)
I used to be, then started getting randoms from South Africa trying to add me, and they had absolutely no connection to me at all.
since then I just keep it to people I actually know!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:38, Reply)
You'd get banned in about five seconds
My best friend went through an odd spell of adding everyone she could find with her surname and her account was promptly suspended.

Impressive maths skills there Mr Noel. I did indeed cut everyone who I wasn't really sure about, or had no interest in communicating with. Poppet survived too on account of innate loveliness
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:39, Reply)
Panda.
Did you have a bunch of clubbers and random night-out people on the list?
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:41, Reply)
yeah bring out the pandatron picture someone, s'been a while since I've been panda'd at..

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:42, Reply)
I could do much better than that
But I won't. Never had the Pandatron unleashed on me, to date
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:45, Reply)
Not so much as I'd expected
Had quite a lot of people who I'd never met who were friends with me in order to tell me all about their club night/band/readily available prostitutes
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:43, Reply)
Someone said on FB yesterday
"Would I wish this person a happy birthday on Facebook?" If not, delete.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:49, Reply)
That's actually a pretty good criteria
I looked at how many "friends" I had left post-cull and decided I could do better, so there may be another in the offing yet
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:59, Reply)
How terribly cut-throat of you.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:03, Reply)
Don't worry honey, you'd survive a second cull too
Your post on my status last night was very cute
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:08, Reply)
I often wonder what the etiquette is when noticing you've been unfriended
I just accept it and move on, but I wonder if there's an approved way of asking WHY? OH GOD WHAT DID I DO? IS IT TOO MANY LINKS? TOO FEW LINKS? I CAN CHANGE! JUST GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE! without sounding too insecure?
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:43, Reply)
No.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:46, Reply)
I got a friend request from some random B3tan who I saw was friends with a few Btans I know and like so I befriended them.
I messaged them to chat and never got a reply. I then culled them. I mean what is the point if you're not going to converse.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:47, Reply)
I've got a couple of /linkers who I've never interacted with on here
but do fill my feed with some great stuff. I do find it a bit weird.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:51, Reply)
On facebook, I think I've got 6 b3tans I've never met
Kitty, Darth, Poppet, Battered, Bobby, Oscillating Gibbon.

Not sure if there's anyone else...
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:29, Reply)
I've still not met a single B3tan
Should be sorting that out tonight though
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:31, Reply)
Sweet, who you meeting?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:33, Reply)
Disasterprone
Thought it might be an idea to start with B3tans who live in the same postcode as me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:42, Reply)
Ahh, fair enough!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:54, Reply)
Who?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:34, Reply)
I blame the Conservatives.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:37, Reply)

ll nt

So true.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:49, Reply)
You're right, TGB is on facebook
Well done

*pats head*
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:39, Reply)
I'm still feeling happy today.
That is two days in a row.

If I can make it three then I'm going to celebrate on Friday night with a bottle of wine.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:33, Reply)
Isn't it ironic
that we humans celebrate by consuming a depressant?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:34, Reply)
It is.
But unlike cake it makes you all giggly.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:35, Reply)
It makes me talk shite
and fall asleep on other people's sofas.

Not that I need alcohol to achieve this.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:37, Reply)
I think you're eating the wrong cake Blousie - I always end up laughing when I eat cake.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:37, Reply)
Well brownies doused with a hefty dose of mary jane will make me laugh.
But not Victoria sponge.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:39, Reply)
I just enjoy cake and food.
and usually end up getting crumbs everywhere! which makes me laugh cos I feel like a 5 year old picking off the good bits.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:40, Reply)
HAPPY thoughts

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:34, Reply)
A sure-fire recipe for a maudlin Saturday.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:34, Reply)
Yeah but it looks like heavy rain on Saturday so I'll be fucked off anyway.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:36, Reply)
Biscuit wouldn't care about the rain.
He'd be all bounce and jump and sniff and oooh, puddles and his skin's waterproof and the water makes great noises.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:40, Reply)
SHE doesn't like the rain.
Neither does Benji. It's hard work getting them out even if it's just spitting.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:40, Reply)
Bah, you ruin all my canine-based meteorlogical fantasies.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:42, Reply)
Erm.......sorry!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:43, Reply)
;D

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:44, Reply)
I pointlessly wasted 3 hours yesterday travelling to Sutton and back for a meeting that is actually this evening.
I could have consumed at least 6 pints in this time.

Alt Alt: I would mince these useless fucker,turn them in to burgers and ship the burgers to the starving in the third world to eat. Except Mandleson - he would remain in my dungeon for ongoing torture.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:52, Reply)
So, you're not a trustee for AA then.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:55, Reply)
Nope. Croydon Action on Young Single Homeless.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 8:56, Reply)
I think Baldmnkey is trying to get the 1,000,000th post on Off Topic
but he's started 70,000 posts early. He's hilarious though so we have more of the same to look forward to.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:00, Reply)
You think he's hilarious?
*shakes head*
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:03, Reply)
Ha do I fuck.
Sarcasm.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:10, Reply)
Sorry! you had me going for a minute.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:24, Reply)
I for one can't wait to see how his millionth post campaign plays out

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:03, Reply)
I have an erection already
And I've drawn eyes and a mouth on it and it looks exactly like baldmonkey.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:05, Reply)
I, on the other hand, am pretty sure I can happily wait.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:07, Reply)
It's a bit pathetic really.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:05, Reply)
Morning Kitty
Only saw Ms Foxtrot for about 10 minutes last night so haven't brought up the advice you gave me yesterday yet. Might buy her flowers before bringing up our conversation

Yes I worded that in the most gossip-provoking way possible
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:05, Reply)
she already knows you are gay

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:07, Reply)
I stand corrected
THIS is the post of the day. Such originality! Such wit! I bow down before a master of the refined, exceptionally cerebral put-down
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:11, Reply)
you still haven't quite got how this place works have you?
Darth: gay
Vipros: smug
TGB: massive vagina
Al: fat
etc.

repeat ad nauseam
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:17, Reply)
I get it, and have done for quite some time now
That doesn't mean I have to find any of the above amusing, or am not allowed to retort
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:24, Reply)
it's not supposed to be amusing
it's serious business.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:27, Reply)
Absolutely
Cos that's why we all frequent B3ta, for the seriousness
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:32, Reply)
I certainly haven't seen anything funny on here

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:33, Reply)
That's because you're so self-absorbed that you only read your own posts

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:43, Reply)
yeah, I am looking good today, thanks

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:44, Reply)
Very good sir, very good

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:47, Reply)
*doffs cap*

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:52, Reply)

retort put another man's penis in my mouth for pleasure.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:28, Reply)
It'll take more than a bunch of flowers to apologise for bumming all those men.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:08, Reply)
Awwww, are you going to hold her close, look deep into her eyes
and say "Look, mrs foxtrot, we've been together a long time know, I know things have been moving along very nicely, we've had so many great times together, and I just think I'm ready to take things to the next level, and unfortunately that means I need to find someone who I want to go to the next level with, so I'm leaving you and moving in with the internet. Hope these flowers soften the blow, now get your stuff and get out of here within the next hour, anything left behind after that time gets burnt"
(Bazongaloid, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:10, Reply)
haha

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:14, Reply)
I have to admit you're on form today Al
but if I was warming up for that sort of chat with my life partner, would I really ask advice on B3ta?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:18, Reply)
yeah, you should ask b3ta and then do the exact opposite.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:27, Reply)
This^
x many
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:30, Reply)
Good point
But now if I post something like "should I throw myself in front of a speeding train" everyone will reply "absolutely not"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:33, Reply)
Damn reverse psychology

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:38, Reply)
we're wiley ones

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:44, Reply)
You smooth talking bastard

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:19, Reply)
P.S - break up sex?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:49, Reply)
Just show her my profile picture on here.
As /talk said about me yesterday, I'm a "fucking hambeast".
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:11, Reply)
Good thinking
except she's smarter than /Talk and will realise it's not an accurate depiction
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:13, Reply)
Tell her how much I love my huggy wuggy Wiggy bear.
It's our 3 year anniversary next month, I'm well impressed with myself.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:15, Reply)
If I'd just posted 'huggy wuggy Wiggy bear'
I certainly wouldn't be 'well impressed with myself' I can tell you.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:17, Reply)
you're never impressed with yourself though
you self-loathing mess.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:28, Reply)
Whilst entirely correct, this is perhaps not desperately funny.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:32, Reply)
ooh you are grumpy
I'll probably stay out of your way, I've had a couple of coffees and some sugar already this morning.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:45, Reply)
You should listen to My Chemical Romance
it'll save your life.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:45, Reply)
I'm more impressed with him putting up with such a lazy high maintenance shitehawk

(Bazongaloid, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:17, Reply)
That's what I meant
I'm impressed he hasn't realised and dumped my fat ass.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:28, Reply)
I'm amazed that as someone who makes such nice cupcakes
you don't actually have a huge fat ass. I would find it impossible to resist eating all my cakes.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:30, Reply)
you get sick of them. Really fucking sick.
I had to throw the remaining 10 from my photoshoot away, it felt wrong but I just couldn't eat any more, I was crying frosting.

My downfall is mayonnaise.

Oh and thanks for the cupcake compliment :D
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:37, Reply)

huggy wuggy Wiggy bear selection of mains-powered sex toys and dogging in an NCP in Blackpool every second Thursday
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:17, Reply)
Blackpool?!
BLACKPOOL?! Give me some credit.

The rest is true.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:29, Reply)
all of the above

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:19, Reply)
You should be impressed
If I've got your age right then that's how long Ms Foxtrot and I had been together when I was as old as you are now... as if that's in any way relevant. Congratulations though :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:20, Reply)
I'll be 26 at the end of next month
but my previous longest relationship before Wiggy was 3 months.

It wasn't due to me being a lazy high maintenance shitehawk though, it was because JOANNA IS A STUPID HEARTLESS BITCH
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:31, Reply)
I wish I saw that original post.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:33, Reply)
me too

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:34, Reply)
To be honest I feel a bit dirty for continuing a /talk meme

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:35, Reply)
Am very pleased for you both
Um, also, something about fannies
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:35, Reply)
No wonder he smokes so much weed.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:28, Reply)
I'm just glad he's not drinking the pain away.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:29, Reply)
For some reason that's got Proffesional Widow in my head now.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:32, Reply)
I've got Peaches' Fuck The Pain Away
You win
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:34, Reply)
somehow I've got the Fraggle Rock theme tune....

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:35, Reply)

Peaches' Fuck The Pain Away AIDS
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:35, Reply)
ha ha

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:38, Reply)
*loves Peaches*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:44, Reply)
Makes a change from Roy Orbison's I Drove All Night

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:34, Reply)
any excuse to repost this
michaelkelly.artofeurope.com/karl.htm
(PsychoChomp, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:37, Reply)
o_O
I'm not reading them. I have a weird cling film phobia.

No one strike that through to say fetish.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:46, Reply)
A fucking hambeast?
creative!
(I helped save b3ta! disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:50, Reply)
hello all
Hope noone else is as violently desperately sickly hungover as I am today... Quick question please, if anyone is more cultured than I am.

My mystery flowers turned out to be a thank you from a neighbour I have helped with a small money claim, which is lovely. Anyway, seems to be the season for it, because there was a stunning orchid on my doorstep from another neighbour whom I was explaining lease extensioms to on tue! It's really beautiful.

But........ How do I not kill it, please??? Do they like water?! As usual I am stumped by anything remotely practical... Ta!!!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:09, Reply)
Not a fucking clue I'm afraid.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:10, Reply)
try this link
perfectly innocent

lmgtfy.com/?q=how+do+I+look+after+an+orchid%3F
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:11, Reply)
Orchids thrive on neglect
Don't give it much water, keep it somewhere relatively warm and with some sunlight, and definitely not anywhere drafty (draughty?)
(Bazongaloid, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:11, Reply)
You were brought up as an orchid.
That's what turned you bent.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:14, Reply)
thanks all
Blimey a sensible answer from al and a sarky answer from vipros, is it my hangover or is the world tilting on its axis
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:14, Reply)
if you had followed mine it would have led you to what you needed to know
:-P
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:18, Reply)
oh it just came up as a blank google search box on my blackberry
Sorry!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:21, Reply)
it should have gone to Let me google that for you
and then taken you to a page of results on how to look after orchids.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:26, Reply)
no....
but thank you for the effort, sorry it was wasted...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:36, Reply)
*massive sighs*

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:39, Reply)
Collect some rain water and use that.
It may not help, but it won't harm it.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:12, Reply)
orchid's stress me out
they're so delicate and I can never get them to flower again after the original ones have dropped off. Apparently you're supposed to water them once a week by doing a 'water bath' which is submerging the pot in water for a few minutes and then letting the water drain out again.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:13, Reply)
i've only had one before
It was lovely for a few weeks and then a dead stick for many months until I got fed up and binned it. Will try bathing this one ta, he is too pretty to die!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:16, Reply)
Orchids on doorsteps?
Are you living inside a film? When does Hugh Grant appear?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:15, Reply)
i too would like to know the answer to this
Sadly this is a marks and sparks orchid from my 70 year old neighbours, not as glam as it sounds!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:22, Reply)
Don't cut off it's roots.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:15, Reply)
why would you do that to any plant?
murderer.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:32, Reply)
To eat it?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:36, Reply)
Jumping up and down on them repeatedly helps

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:16, Reply)
haha

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:32, Reply)
If you set fire to them
they turn into a phoenix. That's what I heard.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:18, Reply)
you'll feel really fucking silly when she arrives at the next bash atop a beautiful phoenix.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:32, Reply)
I'll just charm the phoenix if that happens. No problem.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:34, Reply)
sounds like a euphemism
i'd love to have a phoenix. what a great pet.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:36, Reply)
I used to keep lots of orchids
I'd keep them soaked in water and they were fine for years, flowered, I took cuttings and grew new orchids. Unfortunately they all froze at Christmas when my boiler broke :(
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:20, Reply)
OH THE MASSACRE!
You should have fed them steak, like in Little Shop of Horrors.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:33, Reply)
Every single meeting I've been in at work for the last couple of weeks
Just telling me the most ridiculous shit over and over. I really don't care!

I went to the gym last night, had a cracking time, looking forward to going again on Friday. Woke up feeling fresh this morning, but now am steadily stiffening up, it's not good!

Alt Alt Q: Kill anyone who I deemed a waste of space.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:18, Reply)
It's natural, just try to hide it.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 9:19, Reply)

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