my sister's a dog.
my parents once woke up to find the dogs in my wee sisters bed (upstairs), and my sister (aged 2 at the time) in the dog basket(downstairs). somehow they'd managed to swap beds without even opening the door at the bottom of the stairs! it's still a mystery, although they feel i may have had something to do with it, being the only one other than them in the house who could reach the door handle. neither my sister nor I remembers any of it...

this is the same wee sister I shared a bedroom with until I was 15, and she was 13, and she also talked in her sleep - the most memorable occasion being her yelling out 'spaghetti! NOOOOOO!!!!' at about 3 am when she was 5. strange child.
( ascorbate, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 10:58, Reply)

another one...
I awoke one morning to find that one half of a pair of socks I'd left by my bed was soaking wet, not with wee or sex-wee I hasten to add but plain old tap water.

I shudder to think at what I get up to in the night sometimes.
(cherry B, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 10:57, Reply)

Sleep Adventures
I have a friend, who, when she sleeps, sometimes recounts adventures of a fictional person called Mr Cardassian.

She stayed a few months ago and I listened with amusement and interest as she attempted to talk Mr Cardassian out of buying some ice cream because it was too expensive. Apparently he did not buy it in the end, but went on to ride a carousel.

She doesn't remember a thing about this afterwards, but I like to get together with people who know her so we can all swap Mr Cardassian stories.
(YayLady is cold, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 10:57, Reply)

walking, talking, fighting, abseiling
these are all things I have done in my sleep.

I never walked anywhere interesting or (to my knowledge) did anything too unusual or urine-related. Sorry. Talking can be anything from polite conversation to random shouting.

Fighting is a major element of my sleeptime. Most of the time I just end up running (or from the viewpoint of the person I'm sharing the bed with, kicking) but it's fairly regular for me to throw punches as well. I've tried all sorts of things to get past this but so far nothing has worked. :(

But the abseiling... I was due to go on one of those "outward bound" holidays as a kid, and it was going to include abseiling. We'd been learning about what it involved and how it was done. That night, mum heard a thud and came upstairs to see me, on my back, on the floor, clutching the sheets like a rope and gently pushing my feet against the side of the bed. Alas, this is the closest I ever got to abseiling, as the week before the holiday was due to start I found myself in hospital having my appendix removed :(
( Batsgirl, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 10:52, Reply)

football-isms
When I was younger a load of us stayed over at a mates house, I was informed the next morning that during the night I had sat upright and shouted in my best northen tones:

"Alright mum...I'll be there in two puffs a referee's whistle"

I have never in my life heard that phrase so why I said it don't know, I like to think that it's a regressed memory from my previous life as a Beano character from the 50's.
(cherry B, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 10:52, Reply)

A friend...
...who's an ex rugby player, dreams about playing rugby and tackles his wife out of bed. Apparently the only way she can snap him out of it is to tell him "It's okay, I've got the ball." at which point he rolls over and goes back to sleep.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 10:50, Reply)

Morning all!
My ex boyfriend was prone to sleepwalking and similar random behaviours - usually caused by car-related dreams. For example he'd often sit bolt upright in bed and ask me who was driving.

Anyway getting ready for work one morning I noticed that my heated rollers were on. Strange, as I'd not used them in ages.

Turns out he had dreamt that his car had broken down and he'd got out of bed to wait for the recovery truck. As he was waiting he was worried that other cars might crash into his and wanted a small warning light. He'd decided the little red light on my rollers was perfect and somehow plugged them into the most inaccessible socket in the room. It took me five minutes led flat on my face with an arm under a dusty bookshelf to unplug it.

Must be a common concern for sleepwalkers as another one of my mates once took a blanket outside and slept on his car to prevent it being stolen. Note *ON* rather than IN. He woke up at 4 in the morning, freezing cold and with a big dint on the roof.
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 10:45, Reply)

Not really sleepwalking but
I have done/do some peculiar things whilst sleeping.

I often take my pjamas off and put them back on, move my pillows around, talk, grind my teeth (ugh..) Take necklaces or jewlery off, try to use my phone (many times in the past have i woken up to have half written texts/attempted phone calls thankfully I never succeed.) I've also turned the tv on using the remote control and so on....

Very odd sleeping habits.

A friend of someone I know recently rung her while sleepwalking, he was sitting at his kitchen table eating spaghetti and rung this person I know saying "I don't know where I am". Very peculiar.

Oh and a friend of mine peed in the washing up basket. Seems like that kind of thing happens more often than i'd thought however.
(kids_will_be_skeletons, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 10:44, Reply)

One time..

I was dreaming that I was peeing in the bathroom but when I woke up I was posting yet another "peeing in the cupboard/stereo/bed" story... OooooOOOoooh!
(clusterfuck detesting 'length' jokes since, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 10:43, Reply)

the first and last time...
After a particularly heavy night of drinking I got out of bed in the early hours and pissed up against the bedroom wall onto a double plug socket that was hanging off the wall (it was a squat/housing co-op house).

The electrical explosion threw me back across the room where I sat continuing to piss into the air - which I'm hoping would have put me out if I had been set on fire.
(twistngo, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 10:40, Reply)

Talking Flatmates
When we were on holiday the 3 of us were sharing a studio apartment. We were all sat in bed having a chat, decided we were tired so turned the light off and went to sleep. After 2 minutes of light snoozing my friend sat up boltright in bed and shouted "Shit!I know what I had to tell you guys.....wringy wingy"

What the fuck?

Cherry officially popped
(minihook, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 10:36, Reply)

Sleepwalking due to extreme drunkenness...
Not me, but two male friends on two different occasions.

As a first year student, Rob had been out on the lash and come back very drunk indeed. He got up in the middle of the night to go to the loo, and went back to bed. He woke up several hours later, with a massive hangover and a room smelling of piss. He'd managed to pee all over his desk, computer and revision notes. All were completely ruined.

I went on a choir tour with a bunch of other singers, amongst whom was a bloke called Lewis. We were staying in a ex-monastery in the South of France, doing a couple of performances in the chapel there, and got sloshed on the local tipple afterwards. Lewis got up in the middle of the night for a pee; worke up the next morning feeling rather damp. He'd stood up, and pissed all over his bed, his chair, and into his suitcase. Which contained all of his clothes for the following day. The day which we were to spend travelling by coach through the Alps. Fortunately, someone lent him shorts and a shirt till we got to the next town with a launderette.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 10:35, Reply)

sleepwalking yes but may have been induced by mind altering substances
When I was in my late teens, went to a party one Saturday night, about 10 km from where I was living. The previous 72 hours I had had no sleep (work 12 hr shifts + going out). After being at the party for 6 hours i was pretty knackered and kept dropping off. A lovely lady who I had worked with offered me some white powder saying "snort this and you won't feel tired". Being no stranger to the joys of speeding, I had no hesitation in doing what she asked. That is all I remember until the following Tuesday morning. I woke up fully dressed but with all my clothes on inside out, no shoes, socks that had no feet in them (+ very sore and cut feet)and a garbage bag that contained 800 cigarettes, 10 copies of the local Sunday paper and 2 large pizzas. I checked my wallet, found that I had about $65 more than I started out with.
Where I woke up was the strange part though, on a jetty in a little fishing village, 260 km from home.
(wallynothere rnot without protection, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 10:29, Reply)

I'm not a sleepwalker
I could sleep for Britain. So I have never indulged in spontaneous nocturnal perambulations (nor indeed have I ever had spontaneous nocturnal emissions, but that's a subject for another QOTW!)

I have however done the opposite of sleepwalking. I have apparently awoken, got up, washed, dressed, had breakfast and gone out to work, only to then wake up for real and had to do it all again.

It was a right bugger when that happened. And waking up the second time, I couldn't be sure if I was really awake. In fact, I may be dreaming about writing this now....
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 10:25, Reply)

astral travel or mentalist thoughts?
its difficult to tell. i used to have really vivid dreams and have long conversations with people in my sleep.

One particular night i felt myself lift from my slumber in a truly ethereal manner and literally floated around my room and then up and into space. i looked down on the world and felt i met "something" which was friendly and then i returned back.

I don't remember many dreams anymore for some reason - but i feel within myself it was true.

my wife thinks i am a nut job as i could not help but tell her. and if asked i do reply i have been to space. It was good i can tell you!

It hasn't happened since.
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Thu 23 Aug 2007, 10:16, Reply)

Selling Bottoms
One night I had a dream that my then boyfriend was a market trader, selling little porcelain models of bottoms. In the dream, it was a rainy day, and trade was poor.
As I opened my eyes and turned to him, my first words were "Bet you haven't sold many bottoms today?"
He took the piss for years.
(NJ, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 10:14, Reply)

Poor The Ladies..

First one I can remember is when I woke up looking out of my open 3rd story bedroom window. Then there was the one where I was trying to get through the secret door, and woke up to find myself trying to walk through the wall.

It gets worse.

I woke up my GF, to demand why she had taken her mask off, as the people will know her secret identity.

Different GF, first night sleeping together, leapt out of bed, and dragged her off onto the floor as the green men from under the bed, were trying to drag her down into their dark kingdom. I felt the hero, she felt her bad back the next day.

Different GF (can you blame them?) - Told her not to touch the Duvet as it was live, as the wires had come out of the lightbulb and were sparking on the bed. Then got very cross with her when she did touch the duvet.."ARE YOU FUCKING DEAF WOMAN?"

This doesn't include the other conversation sand walking about I have done, the hiding under the duvet due to the ghosts/old people etc, and the grabbing at things in mid air.

In my defence I have never pissed anywhere out of the ordinary while sleepwalking, and have never hurt anyone (apart from the bad back..sorry helen)
(Rockster77, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 10:10, Reply)

my older half brother
used to talk to himself in his sleep. it was quite freaky to be woken up by hearing his yorkshire/irish accent babbling across the hall when he came to stay:

"how yeh, jay?"

"not so bad thanks, jay and you?"

"not so bad, jay."

he's grown out of it now, at least i assume he has or he wouldn't be married. however, both he and my younger brother snore like a pair of tractors on speed. i had the great misfortune to have to share a room with them in an hotel recently (when i complained i was told the rooms were nearly £500 a night and if i wanted my own room i knew where my credit card was. i wonder if this fits in last week's bad parenting question?) and jesus h. snoring should be illegal. i spent the night dragging my campbed around the room, trying to get the mattress into the bath, and by 5am i was weeping...... fuck alone knows how their wife and girlfriend cope.

and i sleep as quietly as a baby in a sealed box and i'm the single one. there is something Wrong there!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 10:05, Reply)

Not sleepwalking but...
Once I was in bed with my then boyfriend and I farted so loudly I woke both of us up.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 9:55, Reply)

Nocturnal geography
One time, when I was about five, I needed to pee in the middle of the night. I got up, stumbled to the bathroom, pulled my pants down, sat down, started peeing...

...and woke up to discover that I was in fact pissing in my wardrobe.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 9:51, Reply)

Childhood ones first...
My mum & dad discovered me one night throwing dirty washing down the stairs (we had a Ali-baba basket thing like everyone in the seventies). Then kicking said basket down the stairs, then throwing books off the bookshelf down the stairs, then pretty much anything I could find within range...all down the stairs with an increasing frenzied urgency.

My dad, deducing that I may not be exactly compos-mentis, decided that calm reasoning would soon provide an explaination for my behaviour...

Dad: "Oi POOFLAKE! - What the fucking hell do you think you're doing?"

Me: "I'm looking for a 'colour'."

Dad: "Mmmf!"

Mum: "Well bugger off back to bed and look for it in the morning, you ball-ache"

Me: "Righty-ho"...and off I go.

I also once went downstairs, made a pint of orange squash, took it out of the house and placed it neatly in the middle of the road....whilst my parents watched and laughed. Nice
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 23 Aug 2007, 9:51, Reply)

wedding preparation fun
about 2 weeks before the wedding and after lets call it a couple too many beers i obviously decided i needed to pee, i awoke to the now wifes voice "what the fuck are you doing"
"going to the toilet" says i, only to open my eyes and realise that no this isnt the bathroom its the spare room, and no that wasnt the toilet lid i opened it was the lid of the box containing the wedding favours, oops. lets all just assume the (now) wife was ok about it
(pogo_it, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 9:43, Reply)

Not sleepwalking as such...
...more sleep acrobatics.

One night when I was probably about 10 or 11, my parents heard an almighty crash from my room. They rushed in to find my laid on my back on the opposite side of my room from my bed, babbling incoherently.

Apparently I had been dreaming that I was Spiderman, and had somersaulted across the room in my sleep.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 9:32, Reply)

A few years ago
I lived in a shared house with three gorgeous girls (except Sam, who had the Beadle hand). One of them, a very posh, 'Jolly hockeysticks!' type called Beth informed me that in her previous house she'd been reknowned for sleep walking, naked.
This, I have to admit, I was looking forward to.

Sure enough, a few weeks later she turned up in my room completely starkers.

Though you'd think that if a person knew they were prone to nude sleepwalking, they'd at least trim their pubes.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 9:23, Reply)

one of mine and one from someone else
mine first of all:

when younger I used to sleepwalk fairly frequently. (not so much anymore, only the talking) My parents tell me that once they were woken up by some banging coming from my bedroom.

Apparently I'd got out of bed, opened my big wardrobe, got in and shut the door behind me (almost impossible on this particular wardrobe) and then fallen over.

I have no recollection of this.

a guy I knew at uni once related this story to me:
his dad was a chronic sleepwalker, and on this particular occasion they were having the windows in the bedroom replaced. over this one night the windows were not in place, and the gaping holes covered by a sheet of plastic or something.
this guy's mum awoke to find that her husband had got out of bed, ripped the plastic aside and was sat dangling his legs out of the window, playing the guitar and singing in his sleep.

that's some talent.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 9:14, Reply)

I run an IT department in my sleep.
And I'm really bored of it.. Narcolepsy is my only friend

This morning I have to prepare a report for the board on Asset Depreciation and our policy regarding disposals.

So far I have inserted several threatening references to the UN, just to see what the reaction is.
(LunarJim, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 9:11, Reply)

Happy Christmas
I arrived home from my office Christmas party so drunk that it was all that I could do to tell the wife that "I really, really loved her" before passing out on a violently rotating bed.

Several hours later, the weight of ten pints on my bladder, I found my way to the toilet, where I let go with a blessed stream of hot, beer-flavoured urine.

Alas, the way of the drunken sleepwalker is not true, and the bedroom light was switched on by a horrified, shrieky Mrs Duck to reveal her drunken husband pissing all over her dressing table.

All my Christmas presents were under that dressing table, and I received them, several days later, slightly crinkled and with a charming yellow tinge.

At least two of my friends did exactly the same thing that night, including one who had horified passers-by as he took a whiz out of the bedroom window.

Full version: HERE
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 9:11, Reply)

Repost from "housemates from hell" QOTW
I sleepwalk. A bit. Normally it's not much of a problem, I'll find myself waking up wandering around the house in the middle of the night needing a wee or something to eat, so I’ll go to the bog or the fridge, get back to bed and that’s that.

Very occasionally there may be a minor indiscretion, such as the time I walked into my girlfriend’s sister’s bedroom as she was on the job with some fella and tried to get into bed with them, but generally people understand when I explain the score and accept it in good humour and without thinking there’s anything sinister about it.

Except for this one girl.

Poor lass. She moved into a shared house I was living in, and for some reason, whatever part of my brain was in charge of sleepwalking just seemed to have it in for her. I had absolutely no idea why. She was nice. But she certainly didn’t think I was.

I didn’t tell her that I sleepwalk when she moved in; I just didn’t think to do so as it’s so rarely an issue. So when after a few days I came to notice that she was being strangely frosty towards me, I couldn’t work out why - until word got back to me that I’d wandered into her bedroom in the middle of the night and stood glaring at her for a few minutes, freaking her out somewhat. When I found out I did my best to explain and make light of it, however it was clear that whereas I was able to find some humour in the situation, she clearly was not.

A few nights after that I woke up suddenly to find myself confronted by her. She was a little bit cross, enquiring as to what the fuck I thought I was doing, and suggesting I get the fuck out of her room - which indeed I was stood in. With a spoon in my hand. I apologised as best I could and made my way back to my own bed in a state of embarrassment and mild confusion.

I didn’t know anything about the next time until the morning after, when she had a right old go at me for barging into her room, tipping the contents of her chest of drawers all over the floor then walking out again. She called me all the names under the sun and at one point threatened to do me physical harm if it happened again. I tried to reassure her it wouldn’t, but I’m not sure she was convinced - she kept using words like “bullshit", “fucking freak” and “pervert”.

A week or so later I was rudely awoken by a shoe being thrown into my face at high velocity accompanied by a volley of very high pitched screaming. If I’m honest I can probably understand why, seeing as I was stark naked and standing next to her open wardrobe that was making a distinct dripping noise and smelt suspiciously of fresh piss. And, to be fair, I certainly did seem to be languidly wanking my flaccid cock at her.

She moved out.
.
(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 9:10, Reply)

Naked sleepwalking in Fulham
I have been authorised by the young lady who features in this week's Question of the Week to post a link to the full, 12-inch version of her naked escapades.

It is HERE.

That is all.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 8:55, Reply)

My Grandpa
Has the odd habit of speaking Gaelic in his sleep. According to my gran, it can go on for quite a while. What's stranger is, he can't actually speak Gaelic when he's awake - only when he's asleep!
(Igor, The Evil Spacemonkey is behind you!, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 8:54, Reply)