hey Frustrated IT Support Person! on page 3
you said "Leprosy,Bits and pieces falling off of of me".that could also be sung to the tune of tragedy!
(That guy with a hat., Mon 31 Jan 2005, 3:34, Reply)

my ex was CONVINCED
that waterfalls by TLC contained the line
'go go, jason waterfalls'

He didn't last very long.
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 1:50, Reply)

mum
my mum thought that "everybody in the club get tipsy" was "everybody got glow big tits". i dont know the name of the song tho.
(istoleapig, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 0:21, Reply)

...washed their socks by night
While shephards washed their socks by night,
all seated on the bank..
The angel of the lord came down
and taught them how to wank...
(Nyphur, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 0:14, Reply)

That old classic,
"I'll never find another you" is fondly known in our family as The Ram's Lament.
(Pseudonym, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 0:10, Reply)

Message in a bottle
Ah! Someone reminded me - Massage in a brothel!
( tim_bissell, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 23:53, Reply)

I've never understood why i did this....
As a 7 or 8 year old, and after hearing the early 90's hit 'love changes everything' by Michael Ball, my mother was rather disturbed to find me changing the once beautiful lyrics to the following:

Poo,
Poo ploppy willy bums,
Smelly features,
Dangly bits.

This was then repeated and followed with:

And anything your bum desires is usually poo.

She still reminds me of this at opportune moments, e.g the arrival of a new girlfriend. The old scrint.
(daverule Poobumwobblebottynobnobsex, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 23:51, Reply)

tia maria
Tia Maria had a tv commercial in Sydney during the 80s. the words were...

Tia Maria golden brown,
drink it when the sun goes down.

it had a tropical vibe, a la kokomo.

as a smutty kid, it took no imagination whatsoever to replace Tia Maria with 'Diarrhoea'.

some crafty kids would even change the last line to 'drink it when your bum goes brown'...

...But i don't like rhyming brown with brown, kind of like c'mon baby light my fire, trying to set the night on fire.
(heatmiser, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 23:48, Reply)

The arse game
When travelling to distant gigs, our band plays a game in which you substitute one word in a song title with the word "arse". Points are scored for making the driver laugh so much he spills his beer...

Radiohead's The Bends works a real treat, producing such gems as:

Fake Plastic Arse
Black Arse
My Iron Arse

Beatles albums are also great (While My Arse Gently Weeps) , but it works for almost anything; Down in a Hole (Alice In Chains) becomes Down in Arse Hole. Genius.


A variation is to substitue the word "love" for "glove", and it magically becomes a kind of extreme fisting:

Glove Doesn't Have To Hurt To Feel Good
Tainted Glove
Glove Me Tender
How Deep Is Your Glove

No apologies for length 'cos you'll all be playing soon enough...
(tree hugger putting the "semen" in "basement"..., Sun 30 Jan 2005, 22:48, Reply)

Not so much as misheard, more misjudged.
My singing teacher wanted me to do this song - I'm A Woman, by Peggy Lee. You kind of have to know the tune, but the original is:

"If you come to me sickly you know I'm gonna make you well
If you come to me all hexed up you know I'm gonna break the spell
If you come to me hungry you know I'm gonna fill you full of grits
If it's lovin you're likin, I'll kiss you and give you the shiverin' fits
'Cause I'm a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I'll say it again

And I was about to sing:

"If you come to me sickly you know I'm gonna make you well
If you come to me all hexed up you know I'm gonna break the spell
If you come to me hungry you know I'm gonna fill you full of grits
If it's lovin you're likin, I'll kiss you and give you the shits
'Cause I'm a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I'll say it again
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 22:26, Reply)

I don't know if there are original words, but..........
(Theme tune from Dallas)

He's big, he's strong
He uses a condom
Really turns them on.
He drives around in a big yellow car
And he calls himself JR.

He's big, he's rich
His wife is a bitch
He drives a big yellow car
He lives in a palace in the middle of Dallas
And calls himself JR
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 22:23, Reply)

wrong words??
My mother keeps comming out with gems!,

smack my picture, (smack my bitch up)
candy im my ears tonight (got caned heat on my heals)
Viva woh (feed the world)
im sure there were many more.

Also another Adams Family one
"the adams family started,
when uncle fester farted,
he farted thru the key hole
and paralized the cat!"
Ah the playground! a true source of genus!

there was also many parody songs people have made up, like better best for bottoms, (better best forgotton) etc

one lats thing the beastiality song. wasnt there a shag a wallobie right in the middle of the chorus
(Elmyra He's a home-brew duck... Quack! Quack!, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 22:18, Reply)

Billy Ocean again? - "When The Going Gets Tough.."
Insted of....
Oooh, can I touch you (can I touch you)
And do the things that lovers do (can I touch you)
Oooh, wanna hold you (wanna hold you)
I gotta get it through to you
When the going gets tough, (Going gets tough)
Going gets rough, (Going gets rough)
Going gets tough, (Going gets tough)
Going gets rough, (Going gets rough

I was sure the last 3 lines were
Go and get stuffed (Go and get stuffed)
Go and get stuffed (Go and get stuffed)
Go and get stuffed (Go and get stuffed)

Billy must need a diction coach....
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 21:57, Reply)

My brother mishead
the line 'Damage is done so I guess I'll be leaving' in Justin Timberlake's Cry me a River (the bit with timbaland) for

'Jammy J's done so I guess I'll be leaving'
Aaah how we laughed, at him.
(Maels, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 21:49, Reply)

I've recorded this one.
Psycho Pat, Psycho Pat,
Psycho Pat and his baseball bat.
Early in the morning,
Pat he comes calling,
Carrying his big old bat.

Everybody knows his bloody rusty mace,
As he slaughters all in Greendale.
Maybe, you can never be sure -
There'll be knock, swing; blood all over the floor!

Psycho Pat, Psycho Pat,
Psycho Pat and his baseball bat.
Late when you are sleeping,
Pat he comes creeping,
Carrying his big old bat.

Pat's a very crazy old man.
Pat's a very crazy old man.

*sound of gunfire and blades jarring off one another amidst maniacal laughter*
(Banjo-Fella, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 21:40, Reply)

.
hes got the whole world in his pants. this was quite possibly the best line to any song sang wrong ever u cunt munchers
(fwack bang on it, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 20:33, Reply)

Remember that song 'd-i-s-c-o?'
A friend of mine always though it went 'd-i- eskimo....'
(Colostomy Bag Explosion Lubing the gears of commercialism, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 20:22, Reply)

Lord Monkey has reminded me of the full song (one verse...)
I think you can guess the tune...

While Shepherds washed their socks by night
And watching ITV
The angel of the Lord came down
And turned it to BBC
(Fido Dido, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 20:21, Reply)

Paradise City
Welcome back to Rotherham city,
where the folks are cunts,
and the landscapes shitty,
oh won't you please take me home?
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Sun 30 Jan 2005, 20:12, Reply)

Hal - can't remember what the song is called
'ohh but she'll come back to me..'
'uber chicken come back to me..'
(StupidGlueBoy, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 20:10, Reply)

Shepherds
we used to sing a version of While shephereds watched, that started

While shepherds washed their socks at night,

and I can't remember the rest!
if anyone else can I'll be absurdly grateful!
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Sun 30 Jan 2005, 20:09, Reply)

You Got the Love....
Sometimes I feel like waving my panties in the air....
(bdgr can't think of anything witty to type here, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 20:07, Reply)

Suckerpunch
Suckerpunch by The Wildhearts -

"She's hit me with a suckerpunch" goes the chorus.

Unless you're my ex who used to sing...

"She's hit me with a sack o spuds"
(bdgr can't think of anything witty to type here, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 19:58, Reply)

Elastica - do you remember grandma?
My mate used to insist, instead of 'make a cup of tea, put a record on...'
'like a cavity - rrr...ra ra ra!'
she thought the line was about visiting the dentist.
(StupidGlueBoy, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 19:54, Reply)

To the tune of You are my sunshine
You are a scouser,
A thieven scouser,
Your only happy on Giro day,
Your Mum's out stealin'
Your dads drug dealin',
please don't take my hi-fi away...

and to the tune of the Addams family,

Your father is your brother, your sister is your mother, you all sleep with each other, the Barnsley family.
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Sun 30 Jan 2005, 19:51, Reply)

The Rainbow song
Up above the streets and house's
Geoffreys flying high
Opens up his hairy areshole
Shits in bungle's eye....
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Sun 30 Jan 2005, 19:44, Reply)

Buddy Holly's Oh Boy
All my live I've been kissin'
You're left one cos the right ones missing..

or Elvis Are you Lonesome tonight,

Are you lonesome tonight
are your panties too tight..
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Sun 30 Jan 2005, 19:43, Reply)

Song 2 by Blur
There are so many permutations on the chorus to song 2,

Like
Woo hoo, stick your granny in a blender, woo hoo,

or woo hoo suck my off in a fiesta woo hoo

in fact you can fit just about any words into that chorus... which despite no scientific evidence is a known proven fact.

Or the classic Oasis, probably already mentioned..

Don't look back you wanker...
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Sun 30 Jan 2005, 19:40, Reply)

The classic Kwik fit song
remember the Kwik fit fitter song?

You can;t shit quicker than a kwit shit shitter,
you can't shit quicker than a kwik shit shitter,
we're the boys to trust!!

it amused me at the time.

Or the Travis song Why does it always rain on me?

Why does it always rain on me?
Is it beacuse I lied when i was 17?
No it rains on you beacuse you're a whinging scottish cunt.

doesn't rhyme but never mind.

Yesterday, all my troubles were so far away,
now they came and took my porn away,
oh i beleive in yesterday.

If you're happy and you know it, shoot the prime minister..
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Sun 30 Jan 2005, 19:37, Reply)

we where 10 when we used to sing this during assembly
"cum up my arse my lord, cum up my arse, ohh lo-ord cum up my arse"
(weewillywilson, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 19:08, Reply)