not a missheard lyric, but a lovely song ruined by a mate...
In the bath by Lemon Jelly has a sample that says "what do you do in the bath?" a friend of mine, when he first heard it, gleefully said, in a broad Bristolian accent "generally I soaps me self up and 'as a wank!"

everytime I hear the song a horrible image looms unbidden into my poor head, bastard
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 15:16, Reply)

Ooo, just thought of another
Spice Girls, Two become one.

My friend's young sister was convinced they were singing

'I want to make love to your baby'

Just wrong.
( jmptdc Mark the perfect man and behold the upright, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 15:13, Reply)

wangus
mate of a mate went to an ac/dc concert some time back, and during of of mr youngs more energetic solo's, in the breaks between riffs, the crowd's chanting, "angus! angus!"

trouble is our protagonist thinks it's "wanker! wanker!". and shouts as much.

cue 10,000 angry metallers bearing down on the poor lad at once. happy days.
(davidblunkettsdogblankets, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 15:13, Reply)

Morrison's Christmas jingle
To the tune of the "Tell me more tell me more" bit of Summer Nights.

"So much more, so much more at a Morrison's store"

Sadly, the bastards didn't offer post-trauma counselling for staff working there, seeing as though they played it every 5 minutes.
(dandelionburdock, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 15:13, Reply)

Destiny's Child - Independent Women
In the chorus, I'm sure the vocal goes:

The shoes I'm wearing (I farted), etc.

I also used to think Cum by Yah was actually Come By Car. I imagined God coming down to see his people in a Mini.

There's an Elton John song whose chorus I mishear because he doesn't enunciate clearly enough. Instead of 'Cold, cold heart. Hard done by you.' I hear 'Coco Ah...'
( jmptdc Mark the perfect man and behold the upright, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 15:07, Reply)

madonna
as a child, i always thought 'erotic' was 'Bill Odie'. as in:

'bill odie, bill odie, put your hands all over my body'.

thinking about it now, thats just wrong.
(*maso*, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:57, Reply)

Dance Settee?
For the first few years of my life, whilst forced to attend church, I was convinced we were singing in praise to someone dancing on the furniture.

"Dance then wherever you may be, I am the lord of the dance settee"

Worse, I didn't actually realise the real words until I was about 14.
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:54, Reply)

Lugnut..
Wonder what they'll come up with for CSI New York? Am sure they can't beat ooooh wally and we're going to budapest tho :-D
(emma_fisi, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:54, Reply)

Slipknot - Spit It Out
The first few times i ever heard this song i thought that where it goes "Fuck me, im all out of enimies" i thought it said something like "Fuck me, im the lord of the Vietnamese"

How embarasing
(Willis86, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:52, Reply)

The Girlyworld Scrapbook
Me and my flatmates worked as quotemonkeys for an insurance company and would relieve the tedium by putting scraps of paper under the "victim's" nose whilst they were in full flow to a customer. Some of these notes involved changing the last line of well-known nursery rhymes. The best ones ended up in "The Girlyworld Scrapbook" (for some reason our squalid and freezing flat had been christened "Girlyworld"). Try holding it together on the phone when things like this are thrust into your face....

Round and round the garden
Like a teddy bear
One step, two step,
SHOW US YOUR BROWN EYE

Wee Willy Winkie runs through the town
Upstairs, downstairs,
WHAT A CUNT

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
SUCK MY BELL END

The days simply flew by. The scrapbook still exists, 13 years later, by the way.
( BobbyParadise, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:46, Reply)

Animal!
Panama by Van Halen was on the radio the other day, and my roommate belts out "ANIMAL! ANIMA-AL" as the chorus.

"Those aren't the words?"
"The song is called Panama."
(emgee, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:39, Reply)

I met a girl that thought
Jesus was the Lord of the Dance Settee. I'm tempted to buy one from DHS.

Oh, and Yesterday/Leprosy - a friend of mine 'made that up' as well. So did Spike Milligan, in the late '60s. Coincidence?
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:39, Reply)

Misheard moby
To this day I swear that if you listen to Moby's 'Why does my heart feel so bad?', the female voice sings in answer, 'Heeeee's such a nob!'

Go listen to it now - I tell you it's true!
(Tyrebagger, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:36, Reply)

singing the wrong words ON PURPOSE!!! :o
When Freddy Mercury bit the big one (and I don't mean Ron Jeremy's Cock) a song came out shortly after called 'Living on my own' - a posthummus (I KNOW) remix which got changed to;

"de doo de det
de doo de det
I ain't got no time for embalming flu-id
de doo de det
de doo de det
I'm decomposing 'posing yeah

someone made an ashtray out'o my head

living in a tomb"

Also - what's that muppet called, not enrqiue, the other one. Ricky Martin,

"She pongs, she pongs,
oh baby yeah
like poo, like poo,
oh baby
cos she never took a shower
and she stinks like pee"

etc
(washing_machine, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:33, Reply)

Sing ho for puerile Christmas Carols!
A little ditty I penned myself in years gone by, which still amuses us at the should-know-better age of 31. To be sung to the tune of 'Once in Royal David's City':

Once up Royal David's shitter
Went a glowing cattle prod,
T'was not nice, the pain was bitter,
And it made him need a chod.
Yes, the pain it made him howl,
And it made him move his bowel.
(Tyrebagger, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:31, Reply)

Get your rocks....
Another Primal Scream one. The same song that Chillum mentions; Rocks.

"Get your rocks off,
Get your rocks off honey,
Take them down down,
Get a muff downtown...'
(Wile E. Coyote, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:23, Reply)

Peter God
I too went through the "Thanks Peter God" think - and my dad was a CofE Vicar.

I also remember being in the queue for lunch aged about 7 and having to try and convince someone that the Adam and Ants lyric was not "Stand in the River"

Happy days...
( LittlePixel, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:23, Reply)

Emma_fisi
'nother CSI one, Miami this time...

"We won't get fooled again" became "We're going to Budapest" after a few beers.

Dunno why, but they never end up there. Shame.
( B00gle-H00ps Looks like a horse, in a man costume..., Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:23, Reply)

Just remembered...
(To the tune of Mistletoe and Wine)

DREAMING OF A SCOUSE CHRISTMAS....

Chrismas time, drunkenness and crime,
Children playing - in filth and grime,
With cars on fire - and trainees under tree
Time to rejoice - in be-ing scally,

It's a time for stealing, a time for receiving,
Knock-off gear - worra great feelin
Why pay top dollar - yer can nick it for free,
Just like our lecky, - gas and TV

Christmas time, pissups all the time
Nicking ciggies, - spirits and wine
Wearing-shell-suits and Nykees - all knocked off gear
It's great getting pissed - on someone else's beer

Its a time for drinkin - six packs of Stella
Dat yer got - from some dodgy Fella
Chirstmas is sound - Christmas is best
God bless our Cilla - and the DHSS

Christmas time - time to joy-ride
Then go and visit - family inside
With Dad on a six stretch - and sis up the duff
This 'City of Culcher' can get pretty rough

So next time your driving - through Liverpool-city
You may just know why - the streets look so shitty
So keep a sharp eye out - for those dodgy deals
But don't drive too slow - or they'll pinch all four wheels

Sorry about the length, it tickled me though...
(wormeater, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:22, Reply)

Misheard Oasis
My fiance, not someone that likes Oasis sings "Bugger off yer wanker, i heard you say" on the chorus to Don't Look Back In Anger.
(Motti, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:21, Reply)

Bon Jovi lyrics gone slightly pear-shaped (and also Stratovarius)
1. On It's my Life (the live version from One wild Night album) just before the instrumental he actually SAYS "It's My wife"

2. on the song open all night, on the second line, he sounds either drunk or stoned (maybe both) because it comes out "tra-laa-laa-nyahh-dah pretty face" when it sould be tryiung to hide behind that pretty face

3. Strtaovarius Lyrics to Find Your Own Voice, goes so high on the chorus, you can hardly understand him, still kool none the less

4. Meatloaf on For Cryin' out loud, you know i love you, i always used to think it was "and i will recieve somebody with open arms, open arms, to open up the sky to the planet of the lost shampoo (works strangely)

And Sid thinks......'woof'


you know those notices on the end of movies 'no animals were harmed during the making of this movie' how do they know that?? i could have been stabbing a chihuahua with a fork while they were filming scene 3 in france

apologis for length, not for girth
(Jinxy - Spontaneous Randomity awaits those who question my pic-a-nic basket, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:21, Reply)

Misheard
Not strictly a lyric but a prayer. Every sunday dragged to chuch and forced to recite whatever the schpiel was which which ended in Thanks Be to God. I suffered glue ear and consequentl;y thought Gods first name was Peter until I was about 12.
(Jamesbrownget down, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:18, Reply)

Yet another one....
The theme tune to CSI is "who are you" by the Who. Me and my housemate spent months singing "oooh Wally" instead (listen to it! I swear they really are singing ooh wally!)
(emma_fisi, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:15, Reply)

not me my sister
when she was a kid there was this so 'i wanna be a three minute hero' and my sisters interpretation was 'i wanna scream in your earhole'
(Bored, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:14, Reply)

Changed lyrics
A fine pub game down here in London is to substitute the word "arse" into any song title. This gives you such classics as "i lost my arse to a starship trooper", "hungry arse" and "cum on feel the arse"....
(emma_fisi, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:13, Reply)

Stick it in my arse
Myself, my silly wife and some of our more peurile friends have taken to changing the lyrics to as many songs as possible to "stick it in my arse" for some reason.
A particularly good one to try it out on is "California Dreaming", as you can do the backing bits too.
For more advanced fun, try changing the "dubba dubba dum dum" bit of "Stop the Cavalry" (old Xmas song by Jonah Lewie) to:
"Stick it in my arsehole
Stick it in my arse
Stick it in my fucking arse
Stick it in my arse".....

It's great.
( BobbyParadise, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:11, Reply)

Manic Monday
Bangles lyric: : All of the nights, why did my lover have to pick last night to get down?"

Sausagegirl lyrics: All of my life, why did my mother have to kidnap Sacha Distel?

Try it. I think you'll agree mine is better.
( Sausagegirl, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:10, Reply)

Too many to remember...
KD Langs Constant Craving...

Was convinced it was Can't stand gravy...

My parents once caught me running round the garden with a molestE branch singing 'Californian Tree Men' too...took me years to figure out why they had been laughing at me...
(wormeater, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:09, Reply)

Rage Against Cleaning products
My cousin told me he was once in a nightclub where they were playing Rage Against The Machine. The guy in front of him was jumping up and down singing

You've got a bucket on your head
You got a bucket on your fucking head
(yesyesyes, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 14:08, Reply)