My husband ...
can write his name in the snow.

And he can even dot the i.

/smug
(Que?, Sat 20 Nov 2010, 5:39, 6 replies)

The woody woodpecker laugh...
I can do that.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Sat 20 Nov 2010, 4:36, Reply)

'Talents' I seem to have acquired
You how when people have a party with helium balloons and there's always someone who breaths the helium and makes their voice go all squeaky? I can do that without the helium and have been able to do so since I was 12 (I am now 38). It gets two very distinct reactions when I do it, split between the sexes. Women tend to laugh and think it's great and men shoot back several feet, looking shocked and telling me to stop it now. I can also recite the alphabet backwards and have been known to bend balloons into interesting shapes.
(sleekloon Curing Cancer one cell at a time., Sat 20 Nov 2010, 2:38, 1 reply)

I can
Just bend the top joints of my fingers while keeping the rest of the finger straight!!!
Try it!!
(archstanton The gold is next to me....leave me be, Sat 20 Nov 2010, 2:24, 1 reply)

I can turn my eyelids inside out.
Though that isn't all that unusual i guess. great for amusing kids though.
(kenzillion, Sat 20 Nov 2010, 2:18, Reply)

I can survive..
On charcoal all week - cos i can't fooking cook (Wednesday is chippy night (thank fook))..
I can also walk home from pub in the STRAIGHTEST LINE a rule can make, after 9 pints at 3:30 in the morning.
No watered down beer 'round here, students - stay away.

Ok, a metre rule is the longest rule i know of (but i walk in yards and it's 200 yds to home around a bloody bend in the road)..
(Hudekin ( . )( . ) - cos i can't use photoshop.., Sat 20 Nov 2010, 0:50, Reply)

My party trick
I can stick a full can of beer (or indeed anything with a domed base) to the palm of my hand, using suction. It sticks good and proper too, takes some force to pull it off.

I've never met anyone else who can do this, so let us know if you can
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 20 Nov 2010, 0:41, 4 replies)

I'm rather fast at minesweeper


_{The losing streak was a result of concussion}
(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Sat 20 Nov 2010, 0:40, 5 replies)

I can blow smoke out of my eye
The left tear duct to be exact.

However I no longer smoke as I've heard it's bad for your health. And anyway blowing smoke out of your tear duct hurts like fuck, even when utterly pissed.
(minlan no longer barks at bancleys, Sat 20 Nov 2010, 0:36, 4 replies)

Doesn't travel well on here.
But I can click my tongue pretty loudly.

To describe the sound, it would probably sound like the clop part of horse's hooves in motion, which are usually something to imitate as a mounted copper goes by. Sadly I haven't found it to be an amazing thing to share as it can be pretty much intrusive and annoying if overdone. Fun to introduce as a surprising talent when conversation has dried up but it is best advised not to make the noise in someone's ear either, unless it's their round. Having said that, having met others who can click their tongue loudly (both strangely of a similar height too - i.e short) it can create literally minutes of fun as two people can play an invisible ping pong match.
( Christian's Bolt and Ski, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 23:26, Reply)

I can move my eyebrows up and down independently
like those kids in the cadburys advert.

Dislocate my thumb repeatedly, including a tune of some description (cracking knuckles)

Bend just the tips of 5 of my 8 fingers

bend my thumbs back to the wrists

Put my arm around the back of my head so far I can touch the ear on the same side as where my arm started

And another one that's too hard to explain, so will video it tomorrow and post it then.
(Kip, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 22:52, 1 reply)

boiled or fried?
There are many things for which I have no talent, such as leaping into a bed of nettles without regretting it, or glimpsing any part of Simon Cowell without wanting to eat my own feet. I draw not, neither do I paint. I can just about ride a bike, but I'm not exactly Lance Armstrong.

However, there is one thing I excel at. I am top of the range, Oscar-winning, First Class Honours, Tesco's Finest and make no mistake. If it was an Olympic sport, I would be the Steve Redgrave of it.

I can cook rice. Any kind of rice.

Perfectly.

Every single time.

The best thing about this talent is that it takes no effort whatsoever. I suppose you could call it a gift. I can have thrown a couple of handfuls of rice in the pan, then added some water, which I won't have measured out according to any instructions, stirred it a bit, picked a heat setting on the hob at random, left it, forgotten about it and gone to do something more interesting, and then, and then, and this is the best bit, when I eventually remember that I am the one responsible for the rice cooking on the stove, and while everyone else about me is frantically throwing chillis into the lamb curry or hunting desperately for the fresh coriander for the homemade raita or burning the naan breads or dropping the handcrafted samosas on the floor, I just breeze in and there is the rice, perfectly cooked, not sticking to the bottom of the pan like a singed, sullen wet lump of emo rice misery, not burning, not gone past the point of no return into sticky mushy rice pudding territory, it's just sitting there all beautiful and fluffy like a spring lamb on a freshly squeezed morning, waiting for me to drain it and pour a careless kettle of hot water over it, and it's as though Jesus or Delia Smith or even Uncle Ben himself has magicked this rice up straight from heaven, it's so awesome.

It's still fucking rice, though. Probably the most tedious food ever.
(bagofpinenuts, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 22:09, 12 replies)

after seeing a 'blockhead' act on the telly years ago
www.youtube.com/watch?v=uub818HgKl8&feature=related

I figured that it was something anyone can do, and it turns out it is. I can insert a 4inch nail into my nose and suffer no ill effect, and if i tuck the head of the nail up into the front of my nostril it's basically invisible to any onlookers. I've extended this a bit, and can get my entire little finger up my nose, which is fun in the pub, and I once made my boss faint when i showed her.

In my younger days I could get my leg behind my head, but I'm old and no longer supple. I also once read a technique to learn how to sword swallow.
Basically, you get a wired coathanger, bend it into a rough sword shape and try and get it past your epiglottis. The trouble with this is you have to conquer you gag reflex, and after about a fortnigh of making myself nearly vomit, I gave it up as a bad job.

Once, when rather pissed, I inserted a cigarette in my nose, removed it, lit it and ate it. I felt a bit rough the next day.
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 21:53, 1 reply)

The one-armed clock
I'd perform this most Chemistry lessons, sat on the back row, to a proud number of girls - whether they wanted it or not. Looking back I can't see how I didn't get sent to the headteacher, or at least get some form of complaint. I can only assume that the girls LOVED my one-armed clock and for them it was some kind of treat.

At least that's what I told myself at the time. When I regaled my work colleagues with this tale after a few pints they looked at me like I'd revealed myself to be Josef Fritzl. I understand how he feels now.

The most embarrassing aspect of it all was being able to find no way of explaining to my mum why a girl named Lucy Leck had written "mr_chopper, you have a beautiful cock" on my shirt on the last day of school.
(mr_chopper pluggin' up yo' plopper, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 20:35, 11 replies)

I can...
..consistently and unerringly, without fail, and completely subconsciously - more's the pity - always select the most immature, commitment phobic, emotionally retarded (if he is unable to maintain fidelity all the better) male in a 5000 mile (this is no exaggeration..trust me) radius to be my "significant" other.

Friday night, and my dearest has just decided to inform me of his plans to stay at home and play Xbox with a 15 year old who is not his son rather than spend time with me, a very very nice bottle of wine, and my emminently shaggable quim. Le sigh.

Oh well, all the more wine for me, and at least it means I will never spawn. Always an upside, eh?

**Edit** Oh, and I can drink beer out of my cleavage...which may explain the above :s
(Carmen Dyslexia, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 19:42, 13 replies)

For some reason I have a weird knack at remembering number plates and the associated car.
I only really need to see the car once and next time I see that person I'll know them by their car number plate and make, model and colour of car. I sometimes have to associate someone by their car before I can properly put a name to their face.
I can even remember series' of cars my friends have owned over 20 years.
I'm not sure if this affects my long or short term memory at all, but my memory sucks for anything other than this. Phone numbers, no. Names, no. Faces, no. Useful information, hell no. I find I need to write everything down at work just in case I forget to do anything important.
I've tried stopping doing it but I find it slightly compulsive.
( BleachedEgo draw a cdc then get back to your teen porn.Pricks, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 19:34, Reply)

i can do the splits
which i proved to unbelieving friends whilst drunk last christmas. as i hadn't pulled this particular trick in quite some time, i was a bit rusty and it took me a minute or so to do it.
getting back off the floor was another matter. my legs locked in place and i had to be physically lifted off the floor by a couple of burly revellers.
you may think that's embarrassing enough, but it gets worse. i was laughing so hard when they lifted me up that i farted, really quite loudly.
i found out later that i'd also weed a little bit, too.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 18:03, 8 replies)

I can fart
like a fucking Trombone...
(Daw the Cunt Deffiency in keeping Wind since 1970, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 17:56, Reply)

I have a tongue like a snake.


See?

Nobody would ever expect it, I mean, how often do you see someone's tongue?

I can move each side independently, identify different flavours simultaneously with each side (e.g. sugar and salt in a separate teaspoon) and pick up a champagne glass by the stem.
It's quite fun.

The missus can queef on demand, and she did it down the phone at my mum, but I still think I've got the better trick of the two of us.
(Irregular Joe last touched ham on, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 17:56, 31 replies)

I am extremely good in bed.
Really very good indeed.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 17:56, 4 replies)

A few I can think of
1. I can hum and whistle at the same time.
2. I am six foot four and get complemented because of this all the time. And the best thing is, I don't even have to do anything!
3. I have double jointed thumbs and can make my hands look deformed. My wife can do this too. We are not related, even though I am from Norfolk.
4. I have prehensile toes and can pick up objects with my feet.
5. I have very acute vision.
6. I never forget a face. Ever.
(Nitrous Nitrous, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 17:44, 4 replies)

I can make her wriggle like a rattlesnake.
Who?

Your mum.
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 17:33, 2 replies)

I once managed to remember where I'd left my glasses!
Um, although to be honest I've not managed to repeat this awesome feat.
Maybe it was a fluke
(dishwaters Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan!, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 17:23, 1 reply)

I can do my job properly.
This makes me a rarity where I work.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 17:21, 4 replies)

My jaw
I can click my jaw VERY loudly
(whiskas loved by 8 out of 10 cats, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 16:54, 3 replies)

Tea!
Apparently one of my talents is to make absolutely amazing cups of tea. Everyone who I've made a cup of tea for has loved it. I don't know why my tea is so good.
(Maccy Divided by 0 on, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 16:52, 3 replies)

Despite my liking for various nasal passageway destroying drugs....
I have had for nigh on 20 years (long before I knew a Class A wasn't something for your mom to pin on the fridge door) a clear hole through my septum. I don't really know why I have it (I do really but don't tell anyone - it's due to extreme and sustained nose picking since a teen - don't do it kids, just say NO) but let's not dwell on that.
By a hole, I mean a hole big enough to push pencils, pens, iron rods pretty much anything less than 1cm dia through the space. I have the Mersey tunnel of nose holes in fact AND a still correctly looking front of face. Fuck you Daniella Westbrooke: part-timer!
So not one to miss an opportunity, I enjoy doing the little act - usually after a lot of face grimacing and grunts and moans of pain - I push something pointed up and in one nostril and after I feel enough mugging has gone on, the chosen long impliment emerges from the other side of my face. Grown men have been known to pale and leave the room watching me do this - but strangely 10 year olds and younger love it and squeal with delight at the fun especially if you tell them they can wiggle the pen or whatever if they want to see it really is going through the cartilage.
Better than puppies. He he.
(beaverwastemanagement a real company. I want to work for them!, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 16:48, 1 reply)

My talent
I can turn pages, flick through piles of paper etc. WITHOUT licking my fingers or thumb.

I seem to be the only person in my office with this ability.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 16:36, 3 replies)

Clever dick....
After years of dedicated practice I can:

1) Suck my own cock. (About as erotic, exciting and pointless as clipping your toenails with a trowel.)

2) Go from soft to shooting my load without touching my dick, using naught but the power of my mind. (Not really worth the time or effort but always gets a good reaction...)

3) Have a mess-free orgasm by redirecting my man-juice into my bladder. (Handy for those annoying 'Shit! No tissues' moments; hiding the fact I just came after 30 seconds; and for getting blow-jobs to completion-and beyond regardless of the bints spit/swallow/finish-on-my-tits preference.)


I'd swap it all for the ability to make a decent cup of tea...
(tinpixel, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 16:29, 14 replies)

I'm a swivel-eyed loony
At a very young age I was diagnosed with a "lazy" eye, which wanders off to one side of its own accord. I'm not entirely convinced that's the proper medical term for it, but that's what I was told. Various attempts at curing my lazy eye have been tried, including spectacles, ocular muscle exercises, and more I've long since forgotten. The spectacles help with my myopia, but don't do a blessed thing for my lazy eye. The ocular muscle exercises merely taught me how to cross my eyes, something which I'd previously been unable to do. All too often I'll end up concentrating with one eye while the other one gazes off to the side. Which eye does which varies from time to time.

The upside of all this is that it's very easy for me to see those "magic eye" pictures, the ones which look like so much random noise until you unfocus your gaze slightly. I can also move my eyes independently of each other. I can stare straight ahead with one eye while swiveling the other eye inwards to look at my nose or outwards to stare at my ear. This is, apparently, quite disconcerting to observers, so I've been told.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 16:27, 2 replies)