My mum-in-law
isn't generally considered tight. She's a rank amateur beside my mum, but every now and again she pulls a blinder.

Back when MrWitch and I were first going out, we had very little cash. We were quite happy to look after his wee brother on weekend nights for the few quid we got in return.

One night, his mum came home early. We were just having a cup of coffee, and I chatted to her for a while before toddling off home.

The following weekend, when his mum went out, MrWitch beckoned me into the kitchen. He showed me two very small mugs, about half the size of normal ones, and, stifling a laugh, told me,

"Mum says we've to use these if we have coffee. So that we use less milk. Milk costs money, you know."

When I'd finished having hysterics at the sight of this tiny little mug clutched in his great big hand, I got offended. It was alright for her to be out two or three nights every week, drinking plenty by the way, but I was grudged a bit of milk in my coffee while looking after her youngest son? Charming.

After that, I always made a point of using a normal sized mug for my coffee at his house, and leaving the thing where she would see it. I also used to take milk with me in one of my mum's Tupperware containers. Which I always took home. Petty? Yes, absolutely.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 23 Oct 2008, 20:24, 5 replies)

Tighter than two coats of paint
We do a lot of traveling with work. Upon ariving at a destination, if there is a town and my boss fancies a read of the paper, instead of spending a few pence on buying one, he goes into a Barbers shop, sits down, reads the paper for two minutes, looks at his watch and goes "Oh crap I thought it was only 11" or an hour earlier than what it is. Folds up the paper under his arm and walks out briskly.
( Laird Dave Draws Now charges to take off his clothes., Thu 23 Oct 2008, 20:22, Reply)

Back in the day...story number 1
My father used to go to bed earlier than my mum (I have never known her to sleep before midnight). Before he ascended the stairs, he removed selected fuses from the fusebox, and took them to bed with him so that my mother and my brothers wouldn't use any electricity after he had gone to bed.

One of many acts of thriftyness that will not be adopted by the martin's moneysaving website....
( pottybeaver is neither a potty nor a beaver, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 20:04, Reply)

Bless
It was a friend's birthday coming up and he was shopping with his girlfriend. She hugs him and asks "can I borrow a tenner?" so he does and she buggers off, comes back and I don't actually know what happened the rest of the day. Probably lots of sex and stuff.

So, on his actual birthday she gives him his present, he opens it and inside is a cd...
"you bought this with my tenner didn't you?"

"...yea"

Women!
(suicidalducky has too much time on his hands, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 20:02, Reply)

fact - there's no one tighter than me
We have a water heater at home, but I won't let my wife turn it on. We don't use hot water, except for a shower in the evening when I turn the water on for 20 mins.

We have storage heaters and they cost a lot to run, so I have come up with other far simpler solutions. First, wear thick cardigans. Second, light a lot of candles. It was nine degrees in our flat this morning, but a cup of tea and a warm cardigan soon warm you up.

I never carry money. I don't even carry a wallet during the week in case I'm tempted. Only at the weekend do I have cash, and even then I allow myself a tenner.

I steal toilet rolls from work. I'll walk one hour into town rather than spend £1.50 on a bus. I don't buy Christmas or birthday cards for anyone, ever. Or presents.

And yet I'll spend £100 on a bottle of cognac anjd think nothing of splashing out on fine cheeses or other comestibles. There are some things in life that are worth spending on.
(frankspencer, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 19:56, 7 replies)

Webcam alert
I know someone who set up a webcam facing his leccy meter, so he could instantly shout at his kids to turn off whatever they had just turned on if it started to go any faster.
(turtles head is touching cloth poked a dwarf on the forehead at, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 19:52, 5 replies)

A tale of two Daves
Dave from school:

He used to buy the drinks all night for him and his girlfriend. Generous? No, because at the end of the night, he'd tot up how much he'd spent on her and ask her for the cash.

Dave from work:

Bear in mind that in our office we are all IT contractors. The custom is, on birthdays, to bring in cakes, on leaving days, to take everyone down the pub. On his leaving day, he brought in cakes and then cut them in half so that everyone got half a cake.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 19:48, Reply)

A confession
One Christmas my aunt gave me some perfumes
I say 'perfumes' but this was a loose term as I doubt even the roughest back-street tart would like to smell like these 'fragrances'
I've smelt better drain clearer if I'm honest

So when it came to my little sister's birthday in January a penniless me decided to 're-gift' the 'eau de toilets' to her

I know it was wrong of me but I did find it quite funny when she described how she nearly puked on smelling them.
(Boss Mew Covfefe does not bargain...it only covfefes., Thu 23 Oct 2008, 19:46, Reply)

Another anecdote from days on tour
As a band, we've been described as 'tighter than a virgin with pelvic cramps'. To be fair, we were pretty strapped for cash too. (Oooh snap!)

When calculating our expenses, we decided we could save some pennies by living on Asda Smart Price food. We all lost a lot of weight. And not the good losing weight some of you may be imagining. Think malnutrition.

But food wasn't all we were going to need. In terms of sleeping arrangements, we reasoned that some of us could 'van it', and the rest would sleep in tents wherever we managed to set them up. In theory this was fine, and even in practice, finding a place to set up camp was not the issue.

What we did was simply to drive away from any light we could see, houses or streetlights, and then keep going until everything was dark and tomtom no longer recognised where we were.

The problem arose a few nights into the tour, as we began to penetrate Wales. We found that other than some good festivals, all there really is in Wales is sheep... and rain.

So i wake up in my tent, located in a field somewhere, and it takes me a moment or two to understand the patterns of the rain drops all over the roof. It takes a further few moments for me to make sense of the rain drops still falling onto me. And i slowly realise why i am quite so cold.

It transpired that the tents had also been purchased in Asda, and as such were in no way waterproof. Clothes, shoes, sleeping bag, pillow and self, completely drenched. And it wasn't as if we could get new ones, or even dry ourselves or our belongings.

The tents, of which we bought 3, cost us about £5 each. The utterly shameful part was that we couldn't afford to replace them. So each night we said a small prayer, and climbed back into the sodden things, only to wake again the next day, in a large puddle.

"Shotgun van!"
(ShitBitch, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 19:44, 2 replies)

This week
There are going to be a hell of a lot of stories about stinking rich yet hopelessly tight people.

I don't suppose it will actually occur to anyone that there is a very good reason why THEY (tight) are rich and YOU (generous) are not.

That is all.
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 19:42, 7 replies)

I'm from Barnsley - enough said.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 19:41, 4 replies)

I worked for an investment bank.....
The final christmas I worked there, my bonus was pathetic.
We'd made record profits that year, (bear in mind this was at the height of the dotcom boom) and all my bonus bought that year was a villa in mustique, a Brabus S class and a burmese girl.

Bloody tight-arsed fuckers.
(Vic Flange, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 19:33, 1 reply)

I don't buy people gifts for xmas
instead i tell them to buy something nice for themselves,
a) because i don't want some pointless piece of shite you've found on the floor and wrapped up to give to me for xmas
b) i'm sure you don't want the crap that i'd buy you
c) with the money i saved from not buying you some pointless bit of tat, i've managed to save up and buy myself something I'VE ALWAYS WANTED!

oh... and you can get at least 2 cups of tea from a teabag! (and if you hang them on the washing line, you can get 4!)
( SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 19:32, 4 replies)

Another friend at uni
was hilariously tight. She would never tip taxi drivers, which is fair enough I guess, but the thought of giving a taxi driver 20p was out of the question to her. If we went out to eat she would always order a starter, and then finish off the leftovers of other peoples meals. the funniest thing came after a friends birthday lunch, there were four pennies, drink drenched left on the table. Then we hear..."does anyone mind if i take these"...

Knock yourself out dear!
(Shapethrower It's what you want, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 19:32, 2 replies)

Me
I told my other half she was inconsiderate for wanting to buy food when she was hungry.

I almost always have a look at the 'reduced to clear' shelves at the supermarket.

I go 30mph on 30 roads.

I scan around the house to find any plugs that've been left on.

There are probably more, but I needed it get that out to everyone :D.
(Le Moribond is not dying, clearly., Thu 23 Oct 2008, 19:28, 1 reply)

How do you like them apples?
Many years ago an old friend of mine from uni went round to her new boyfriends house for the first time.

She was a bit peckish and was delighted to see a bowl of lovely green apples.

"Can I have an apple?" she asked.

"of course, 17p please" he replied

My mate laughed, grabbed an apple and proceeded to chomp away..

"No really, 17p please" he said. The fellow was being serious.

She put the apple down and left- and didn't go back- and never paid him for the bite of apple. I ask you- 17p? He had quite clearly 'done the math' on this one.
(chesterdrawers, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 19:22, 6 replies)

corporate 'tightwads'
HSBC-as a student the tight cunts wouldnt offer me an extension on my overdraft, and they charge really unfair amounts...eg. for going a little over your overdraft, they charge you 75quid..

Talktalk- signed up and sent me a router which took ages to get to me for a start, then I wanted a little bit of help settng it up and they told me i had to pay an extra 40odd quid or summat for 'geek squad' support because there not trained to deal with that...
(Lord Chode, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 19:20, 1 reply)

Kingsley
A mate of a mate from college. His dad was worth millions and bought him a house in London, lucky boy, did he share the love? Did he fuck.

He'd always accost you at your most vulnerable.

At Glastonbury Festival he had a bag of magic mushrooms, 25 of them which we'd shared out, 5 each, a small narcotic hors d'ouvre. Bearing in mind we'd got him in for free, see here, you'd think he wouldn't be too worried about the £3 he'd spent on them. He went on and on at people that night when we were all tripping on some rather more substantial acid about his £3. He managed to persuade each of us to give him a tab of acid in return.

He did the same thing to my girlfriend back in London, this time he'd got some trips which we agreed to pay him for the next day. He moaned at her all night about could he have his money back, she ended up getting freaked out and wandered the streets for several hours to get away from him. Middle of the night, 17, blonde and pretty, lucky she wasn't raped or murdered. Yes I did go out looking for her but London is a big place.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 19:14, 3 replies)

My neighbour...
was an extremely miserly person. He wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire without charging you a fee first. You know the type.

Thing was, he was a religous guy. Used to go to the church five times a day
And every time he would go, he would only ask for one thing - To win the lottery.
So years pass anyway, with him praying daily like this.

Then one day while he was in church, a booming voice came from above:


"You have to buy a ticket first, you cheap bastard"



Thank you, i'll be here all week. Try the fish.
(Zigmund can't think of anything good., Thu 23 Oct 2008, 19:11, Reply)

My dad.
As I may have referenced in the past, my father's a doctor, and quite a successful one at that. But, as I'm sure you've noticed by now, I am far from being posh- I grew up in what amounted to a basic middle-class environment, buying clothing from K-Mart and all the rest.

See, my parents are of that WWII/Depression generation that considers thrift to be chief among virtues, bar none. To put it nicely, Dad's tighter than a duck's arse in January.

We lived in Rochester NY from about 1975 onward. Dad also had a small practice in the Adirondacks, so we went up there every weekend. We went along the Thruway, up Friday and back Sunday, for all of my teenage years.

(Go take a look at Google Maps to see what I mean. The Thruway is Rte. 90, and we went from Rochester to Utica.)

The Thruway is a toll road, and if memory serves it cost $1.15 to drive that stretch of it. But Dad had gotten a Thruway Pass, which gave you a discount in that you could ride up to 30 miles without paying a toll, then paid a reduced fare when you exited.

You can see what happened, can't you?

Dad only did it once with me in the car, because I laughed at him for getting off every 20 miles or so and doing a U-turn to get back on, and doing this six times over the course of the trip to save $1.15. I pointed out to him that it had added a good 15 minutes to the trip, and that I thought our time was worth more than $4.60/hour.

I think he still does it now, though.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 23 Oct 2008, 19:03, 1 reply)

My father
takes great pleasure to see his cars average miles per gallon go up by 1. When borrowing said car it is not unusual to be told the current average mpg to discourage any aggressive driving (over 40mph). Go on big fella!!
(sparklehorse is loving popping his cherry...again....honest, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 18:54, 2 replies)

When I used to work in a bar...
... the lovely landlord used to occasionally stumble in of an evening after closing, a little bit on the tipsy side (read well & truly sozzled) and decide to turn off any not in use electrical equipment at the plug sockets that us naughty staff may have left on to save a few pennies.

Although that plan usually backfired well and truly as he inevitably in his sozzled state managed to switch off power to the fridges & freezers too.
(SlightlyInsane, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 18:52, Reply)

Oh boy.
Do I have stories for this one!

Nurse Ratched's parents were a bit older than mine, and had both gone through the Great Depression as children. I'm sure that many of you have grandparents of that age, so you'll have noticed how that particular generation is marked by a kind of thriftiness that borders upon obsession.

One day her dad was out mowing the lawn and the ride-around mower flung a piece of gravel from the edge of the driveway and took out the glass globe on the coach light at the end of the driveway.

A new one cost around $50 or so, he found out that afternoon.

When next we came to visit I noticed that it looked a bit odd and wandered over to take a look.

He had taken a large pickle jar, painted the inside white and put it upside down on the light.

Why yes, it's quite clever! No, I never would have noticed a thing! It looks quite... errr...

Fuck. I got the giggles and couldn't stop.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 23 Oct 2008, 18:50, 4 replies)

My mate John
I'm not saying he's tight but err oh yes that's what I am saying.

We was down the cafe for breakfast and after we'd eaten, me and my other mate, also called John, put down a fiver each. Tight John looks at the bill and puts down about £1.20 to bring the amount up to the total. "NO!" says we. We made him put down a fiver. He was almost crying.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 18:48, 10 replies)

my first proper boyfriend
used to steal cigarette butts from pub ashtrays, harvest the tobacco, and make lollipop-stick thin rollies from them. That way he only had to spend his dole money on teabags, rizla and guitar strings. Thank heavens for free condoms from the Brook Clinic. I shudder to think of the soggy alternative.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 18:48, 6 replies)

I was given free dinner for two at a restaurant
as I provided them with some music.
I took my friend with me. I shall call her Isobel.
The owner of the restaurant wasn't there and he'd forgotten to tell his staff about this free dinner. I didn't want to make a scene so I paid for the dinner. Isobel was horrified and refused to contribute anything, including tip.

A few days later the owner phoned and apologised and off Isobel and I went to the restaurant again for the free dinner for two.

After dinner she calculated how much the dinner cost so we could tip the waiter accordingly.

She then said to me "ok, my half of the tip is this much" and plonked the money to the nearest penny on the table. I had to pay the other half of the tip.

(Of all my friends, Isobel is the wealthiest and I have a lot of wealthy friends).
( Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 18:47, Reply)

He's not wealthy, I know.
He has two kids to feed, as well as a girlfriend who's eager to produce even more. I know this much, too.

However, borrowing CD's from friends, ripping them onto his computer and dishing out copies as Christmas presents finally marked my younger sibling out to be the skinflint I had always suspected he was.
( Moey, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 18:41, Reply)

Dutch ex no. 2
used to eat mouldy food he found in the fridge - the sort of stuff that has gone off to the stage where consciousness is the next evolutionary leap - because he was determined it wouldn't be wasted, even if it poisoned him. To be fair, his parents survived the final awful winter of WW2 by eating tulip bulbs so he'd been brought up to be thrifty, but he was earning over 50K a year and all his clothes were older than me.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 18:34, 1 reply)

My best mate
is extraordinarilly thrifty. Many's the time I've sent lots of texts to him only to finally receive the reply "you bastard, I had to top up my phone' two days later.

About six months ago, he decided to get his driveway mono-blocked. He does a lot of favours for people in his line of work and knows a lot of tradesmen, so a few strings pulled here and there and he wangled the blocks for free and someone to lay them for a few cups of tea and ham sandwiches. I helped him unload the thousands of blocks from the truck, during which he gave me a bottle of mineral water from a crate in his shed. He told me he'd picked these up cheap, at about 12p a bottle.

Fast forward to a week later, the job is done. The drive looks great, but there's dust everywhere from the cut blocks, especially over the white garage door. "I'll soon fix that" thought my mate, retreiving a bottle of water to spray the door down with.

What he did next is the scroungiest, meanest thing I've ever heard of.

Pausing for a second to think about it, he then drank the mineral water in one gulp, went indoors, refilled the bottle from the tap and sprayed the door clean.

Afterwards, you could see the shame on his face as he realised what he'd done.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 18:34, 1 reply)

I'll Be The Tightwad Pretty Soon
Having just been made redundant, money, as you can imagine, is a little tight until I get a new job. Today's performance will not help this situation. It was my first job interview since the redundancy, only my second ever and it's been nearly ten years since I did the last one to get my previous job. So I'd forgotten all about the worry, the no sleeping the night before, the rabbit caught in the headlights ultra terror of sitting down and trying to answer the first question while three people stare at you, desperate to make a good first impression and, above all, how nerves can make you say things that are just a teeny bit stupid.

"So, Gleeballs, what attracted you to apply for a job at this company?"

"Well, beggers can't be choosers......."

...

...

...

Where the fuck did that come from???? I think it might be a while before I get a new job....
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Thu 23 Oct 2008, 18:30, 3 replies)