Unfathomable decision making
Some twenty years ago whilst basking in the glow of the lowliest salary on earth (but a salary nonetheless) I managed to persuade three of my mates that we should go out to our regular Chinese and see if we could spend £100...on food only...per head! I should point out that whilst perfectly serviceable this was not a 'fancy' Chinese. The evening commenced with a good five minutes worth of note taking by the waiter who shortly after delivered an 'extra' table as ours couldn't fit all of the dishes on it. We were stuffed by the end of the starters but nothing if not determined ploughed on into the main courses accompanied by a deluge of vino and beer (not included in the £100 target remember). Two of our party made their way to the toilets for a tactical chunder to leave space for desserts and the obligatory spirits and cigar combo. Along the way we even had time to make a really blatant pass at a waitress and persuade them to let us steal the chopsticks rests.

Now if any of you can tell me why we thought this was a good idea for four lads of limited means when £15 could have fed all of us quite satisfactorily, answers on a postcard please!
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Tue 5 Oct 2010, 8:19, 5 replies)

My mother
quite happily parted with £6 the other day for a nail varnish. Complete waste of money when you can get the exact same shade only without the brand name for 80p off the market.
I know a lot of people tell you that with cosmetics the brand means quality but personally I think that's bullshit.
Its not what you use, its how you use it.
(FootOfTim, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 8:09, 9 replies)

I bought a full size bear suit
One friday I decided it would be a great idea to try and drink my weight in cheap cask wine.
Sadly I failed and only drunk half of the required five litres, but oon the plus side i woke up the next day wondering what the hell I had been up to the night before. A quick check of my computer history tells me I was in ebay. It seems I had bought a full size mascot quality bear suit.

Why? Who the fuck knows?

Moral of the story?

Dont mix large amounts of cheap wine with the internet and credit cards.

Ill try and find pictures of it later on.

Edit :I tried to link to b3tards but it comes up mussave. sorry
( jakedamusss I understand, and dont care., Tue 5 Oct 2010, 5:43, 7 replies)

Mental Van Rental
My brother-in-law - we shall call him Andrew, because that is his name - used to work with another brother-in-law, John, in a blacksmiths forge.

Andrew decided he needed a van to run around in, chuck stuff in the back and not care too much about. He rang around, and his mates at the local scrap yard informed him of a Bedford Van that had just been brought in. It was a bit bent & rusty, but still road legal and with 8 months MOT & 4 months tax - yours for £80 - bargain. Oh, it doesn't start because the fanbelt snapped....

John & Andrew set off in the works transit van to said scrapyard which is deep in the Sussex countryside. On arrival at the scrapyard, £80 changes grubby hands, and the Bedford is tied to to the rear of the Transit for the long tow home through the lanes. All is going well, until a long sweeping bend. Turning into the bend, Andrew realises his rookie mistake of not putting the keys in the ignition, as the steering lock suddenly clicks on. With the steering locked, he frantically pumps at the brakes which fail to respond due to the engine not running.

Cut to scene of John in the Transit looking bemused out of the side window as Andrew overtakes him on this beautiful countryside bend, snapping the tow rope and crashing spectacularly into a very solid, ancient stone wall surrounding a church.

The dust & rust cloud settles. The impact was so bad that the van is now a write-off, and Andrew has to open the rear doors to retrieve his bobble hat.

A call is made to the same scrapyard who come and pick up the van and give Andrew £30 scrap value, pissing themselves loudly at the same time. Net result, £50 spent on renting a van for half an hour, a ride of terror and making yourself look like a complete bell-end.
(SausageWarrior destination Zululand, come on boys jump in the van, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 5:37, 4 replies)

waste of my tax rebate
i worked for building company moons ago as a labouring monkey. after i got the sack i found out that i could get a tax rebate (i don't know how, i don't how it works)
after chasing the tax office for 6 months (well they weren't going to let their money go that easily) i got £1500
bought 1 x Bennetton jumper and pissed the rest up the wall
(slipmatt Thats sooper dooper, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 5:33, 2 replies)

Swords!
I collect swords, but not just any old swords, propperly made, sharp, functional blades. These are expensive, the most basic around £70, the high end stuff is insanely expensive. The most I ever spent was £130 for a katana with some money I got on my 21st.

These are a waste of money for two reasons:
1. You can but real looking replicas for a fraction of the price.
2. Most of them arn't displayed.

So why do I get them? Am I a vigilante swords man? A tornament fighter? A history enthusiast? Nah, I just fucking love swords. A replica wouldent be the same, I'd never want to use them as real weapons, but having a replica instead of an actual weapon is like having a print instead of a painting, you can't really see a diffrence but it isn't as good.
(Mong goose, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 3:40, 19 replies)

Computer parts. Actually all technology.
It depreciates faster than milk.
(brutal stack Raided the beeves of Apollo on, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 2:41, Reply)

Guy I know
Spunked away $30m dollars. But he got $300m at the end of it.
(McChinaman banned, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 2:39, 3 replies)

Mega Drive games, at the time of release.
Or just any computer games, really. Seriously, add it up. You've spent too much.
(brutal stack Raided the beeves of Apollo on, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 2:36, 5 replies)

Went out the other night with a mate on one of our stupid expensive piss ups
Having spent the best part of £120 quid on nothing but a mashed head i stumbled home. Too smashed to even undress i passed out.
On waking up i crawled over to my beauty of a pc to start up for some a look at some lady bits and a tasty pizza delivery. Pressing the power button resulted in nothing..... I try again, and again. Then the horror happened. First i spotted the sticky patches all over the top fan grill, then the smell of budweiser and finally the toppled bottle on top of my desk.
Opening the side i find the motherboard, graphics card, power supply and 1gb of ram soaked in bloody american beer. The weekend cost me a grand and now im typing this on my sisters shitty old laptop that she gave me for a pack of M&M's and takes 12 minutes to boot up :(
(doberman, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 1:06, 6 replies)

Paid £40 for a wedding ring
by the time I sold it they gave me £5 - I thought the value of gold had done nothing but rise over the previous 10 years? Still, i salvaged £5 from the whole sorry process. And a daughter but you can't swap her for a pint and a half of lager. Not in this country, anyway.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Tue 5 Oct 2010, 0:00, 8 replies)

Last week
I bought tickets to see Norman Wisdom as an after-dinner speaker.

_{Too soon?}
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 4 Oct 2010, 23:01, 14 replies)

Nights out.
I've come to realise that on the average night out I will spend £50-70 and remember very little. I can of course not get drunk and spend less, and remember the night, but be very bored, standing in a hot, smelly, loud room listening to shitty music and dancing for hours despite not wanting too.

So yeah, clubbing, not my thing.
(Mong goose, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 22:55, 5 replies)

£20? I'll have it!
I've discovered a peculiar flaw in my neural programming. I find it near impossible to not buy something (that isn't, say, a bag of actual poo...) that's between £5 and £20 pounds.

Things in that price range which I have bought include:

A fez
A royal python
11 Star Wars Action Fleet models
A scale model of Minas Tirith
An Ikea table (a fiver!)
A candle lantern
An orange cube beanbag
A chile rose tarantula
Any sort of canvas 'art'
All the Adrian Mole books
A catapult
A printer that I've never even plugged in
Half Life 2 for the Xbox (never been played)
Three blunt as hell samurai swords (£10 the lot!)
Three different RC helicopters of consistent shitness
Carbon fibre blades for one of the aforementioned helicopters
Laser pens
Four different sets of earphones
A fake leopard skull
An iPod Shuffle
A set of multicoloured kitchen knives
A coffee maker
A Neon Genesis Evangelion Unit 01 figure
A rubber plant
A giant black furry rug
A die cast model of the only British B-17 from WWII in RAF livery
A smoothie maker
A 4"x1" print of the Battle of Trafalgar
A hip flask
A box set of Sharpe DVDs
Handheld whisk
And, most recently, this little chap...

I named him Chuck Norris.


(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 22:04, 17 replies)

eBay
For some dull reason I had two accounts. Wanted a copy of OSX, found one on eBay, low price, so put in a cheeky bid. Logged in later to check how it was going, but stupidly did it under my other account. 'Ah-ha!', thinks I. 'It'll not get away that easily!'

So I bid. Against myself. Ended up knocking up the price by about a tenner, and won the item.

These days I just use one account.
( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 21:48, 1 reply)

The Open University
I started off wanting to do a Life Sciences degree, because I had this crazy idea that I wanted to study Medicine. I've since figured out that I'm not really cut out to be a doctor.

The problem is that I tend to lose interest. It's not that I can't do the ongoing assessment - that's rarely a problem - but by exam time, I'm usually fucked off enough to wish I'd not bothered. I've already dropped out of a few courses, and I'm on the brink of doing so for the last time now rather than face an exam on the 20th.

Cost? Thousands of pounds, over the years.
(Mr. W. K. Kellogg's Anusol Flakes (TM) is the other Special K, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 21:22, Reply)

One day, I visited a museum of taxidermy - as you do.
When I saw the perfectly preserved remains of the man who had directed Phantom, Faust and of course Nosferatu among the exhibits, an exclamation of joy inexplicably passed my lips.

It was a "wa-hey, stuffed Murnau!"
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 20:01, 1 reply)

my oyster card
given that i am just about to walk the 6 miles home, the useless workshy skiving cunts.........................
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 19:11, 32 replies)

Wargaming
Its my hobby, I dont smoke, gamble or do drugs. I drink occasionla. My vice is (toy) soldiers.

Its not just the figures that cost. To play the new version of Warmachine its an initial £25 outlay for the core rules; its probably a good idea to bet one of (if not all) the Forces books, 5 of them, about £20 each. Now these are gorgeous books, well worth the money, but even so this is not even with a single figure; my Rhulic army cost about £150, plus paint etc, probably another £20 or so. Ive played about 3 games of it so far.

Currently, Im trying to finish my Flames of War Germans (78 Sturm Division). Im awaiting my mortars and some HQ stuff; the whole army's about £150. I have a large Russian army, bout £300. This is before rules, army books etc.

Historically, my group is looking at Ancients, Im about to embark on 28mm Romans, not sure how many I need cos GW are playing silly buggers with new version of Warhammer Ancients (£32). We could use Field of Glory, but then armies will be about £300!
(kitescreech still here, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 18:53, 20 replies)

I just brought a soul.
Lets hope I don't get swindled!
(patchsticles Me and you, elbow fetish club:, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 17:35, 6 replies)

I just sold my soul
*wins*
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 16:26, 5 replies)

Before I realized what a bitch she was...
I was trying woo her away from her man. I bought:

1. Pair of Gianni Versace shoes(designed by him before his murder). Which set me back about 3 grand.

2. Pair of some kind of rare silk(I forget the name) stockings. About 1500 dollars(maybe £600).

Did that work?

Like fuck it did.

That's when I realized Heather Mills would never give me the time of day.

I think I'm better off, but what a waste!
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:34, 9 replies)

a good few many years ago.
£90 for 4mb of ram.
(waxdart hello., Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:34, 17 replies)

Ten years ago my father died aged 39
Due to family rifts my fathers will left everything to a sole benefactor, my 12 year old brother. House, car,and possessions were all sold off and add to the pot that already contained a large life insurance payout and the naval pension. This was then invested for him until he was 18.

6 years later my brother inherits well over 150k he gives a couple of grand to my sister to help her with her newborn daughter and lends me a couple of grand to help with the deposit on my house.

He then bought a shitload of high end paintballing equipment so that he and his friends could do night time paintball out on the sand dunes on the Cornish coast. On many occasions having to do a runner as the police arrived. He then had a party, a party that lasted 4 years, he had to move house twice in this time because he trashed them. By the time he hit 22 this year he had spent the lot and has very little to show for it and nothing in saleable assets.

We are glad, he has now gone to university and can start living a normal life like the rest of us. He didn't really want the money anyway.
( Peej, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:31, 13 replies)

HD = Howling Deceit
BombayMick's post about 3D-TV reminded me... a while ago we switched to Sky (to get a foreign channel that wasn't available on Virgin). We told the salesbod that we weren't interested in HD. Total waste of bandwidth, in my opinion. "Oh, the current offer is only available for an HD+ box," they said, "But you can always cancel the HD channels after three months."

Fair enough, we'll do that. Got it, watched 5 mins of HD to confirm that it's pointless for 99% of all programs (The Simpsons in HD ... what the FUCK is that about?), waited three months.

Called Sky. "Sorry, you can't cancel HD, it's part of the contract".

So that's £10 a month I'll never see again. Splitters.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:09, 6 replies)

I got on this bus that had a bomb on it that would go off if we went below 70mph.
The guy who planted it was happy to defuse it for $1m, but in the end we decided to completely trash the joint, including blowing up a $70m aeroplane, to show him we don't negotiate with terrorists.

Great fun, though.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:05, 12 replies)

My mate Steve
went out with Velma from Scooby Doo. We could all see that she was trouble, but he wouldn't have listened, no matter how big our hints were.
Anyway, they got wed and after a very short marriage (they still had cake left) he found out she was having an affair with someone from work, so he packed his bags and left before she even got home, leaving a note for her to find.
We pointed out that we almost told him so and he agreed that he wouldn't have listened anyway.

Now, it wasn't so much the mariage that was the waste of money. No, the person who wasted the money was the new bloke. He was, as sad as it sounds, still living with his mum. The upshot of this is that he had little overheads and apart from going halves on the household bills, he had quite a shedload of cash accumulating in the bank.

Then he met my mate's wife, and then moved in with her, who then promptly mined away at all his savings and now he has hardly any spare cash at all every month. He was due to retire early on his savings, but can't now and as such has to work another 16 years until mandatory retirement age, after which he'll most likely need to get a job at B&Q or somewhere similar.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 13:56, 2 replies)

My mate's wife
is into homeopathy and has wasted a shitload of cash on it. And more fool my mate for letting her. Anyway one day he happens to mention his wife, Kate's (as is her name etc) main sexual fantasy. I then have a brainwave. We rounded up about about a dozen other male friends, hired a couple of minibuses and drove into the hills and parked up at a reservoir.
"Right, everybody out. I want you all to have a wank into the water." As we were all tugging away frantically (which had turned into some sort of impromptu spunk-producing race as you'd expect) I then ordered my mate to phone Kate and say "Give it about three hours and then go wash your face".

My mate later reported that she'd never been so turned on by her homeopathic bukkake.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 13:31, 8 replies)

I'll just leave this here...
www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/11446978
(BombayMick Dogs are better than cats, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 13:26, 11 replies)