Not someone I met on the internet
In fact I met him at a drama club (it was in Newcastle, so it doesn't make me a puff!), but he was still a fair ol' interwub horror. He introduced me to Clingfilm-Wrapped-Roy-Orbison stories a couple of months back. He also used to enjoy chatrooms a great deal, entirely due to the joy he took in saying sick things. He was chatting to someone online who asked:

'So what kind of stuff do you like doing then?'

to which he replied,

'Oh, I like making women scream'

'Well, I'm more of a moaner myself'

'What? You moan when people knife-rape you?'

He got no reply! Yay!
(SwampDonkey, Sat 18 Mar 2006, 12:36, Reply)

Once
I'm hapless when it comes to plucking up the courage to talk to women face-to-face (not that I'm a sociopath, I'm just a wuss) - so when the chance to meet an apparently lovely young lady via a university internet forum arose, well the chance was there for the taking.

So, we meet, and when I saw her for the first time, there was a definite 'oh for the love of christ' moment.

Yes, she was fat, yes she was ugly, yes she was a prime grade-A nutjob and yes, she therefore falls straight into the category of internet wierdo.

I mean - there were the classic 'get out now moments': her favourite food was burgers; she wanted to know if I wanted kids, and if I did would I mine if she named them after her favourite football teams former players; she watched every tv soap on god's earth; she had a bit of a wonky eye.

And did I see her again? Yes. Why? Because I'm a hapless romantic and I still had my V-plates.

Still, I didn't shag her, dumped her via text (harsh but ultimately fair), ended up meeting an absolute stunner a month later (who was more than happy to get rid of my v-plates), and the last time I saw the Beast of this tale, she was seeing a bloke she'd met through a prison pen-pal service.

Praise the lord for small mercies.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Sat 18 Mar 2006, 12:22, Reply)

These stories are so great
I feel the need to post more. This is very cathartic...

This story concerns some old neighbours of mine, we're going back about 8 years now. He was a young geeky virgin from the UK who'd met his American bride on t'Internet. She was the most annoying bint I've ever had the misfortune to meet in a confined space. She bought a doughnut maker and if you were unlucky enough to be lured into their flat she would try and force feed you doughnuts. Yum, you may think, but when the queasies kicked in after 10 of the buggers and you had to decline the offer of more, she would sulk big time. Think Mrs. Doyle but a million times worse.

Also, picture this: He was a weed with a classic computer geek style. She looked like the left back from the US Butch Dyke hockey team. Scary. She wasn't even smiley enough to compensate for the fact that she was ugly as fuck, and her personality DEFINITELY didn't make up for it...

Anyway, she went back to the US for a little while to finish up at uni. Great, we think, peace and fucking quiet for a while. Until one night there's a knock on our door and when I open it, the geek is standing there. In tears. Apparently she has just informed him via MSN that she's been having an affair with someone at uni, so obviously (especially because of his young virgin heart) he's devastated. However, I don't deal with it very well, and it's all I can do to fight back the pantwetting laughter. Not that I was laughing at him, you understand - it was the thought of someone finding this annoying ugly bint attractive enough to shag that caused my mirth to rise.

So I did what any good neighbour does: I got my boyfriend at the time to come and sort it out ("I think this would be better done man-to-man") while I retired to the bedroom to chuckle myself stupid...

I can't remember what happened to them after that. If they're still together he's probably tied up in the cupboard being forcefed doughnuts...


(I make no apologies for length, BTW. Never have, never will.)
(sundaeg1rl Lady Two-Jugs, Sat 18 Mar 2006, 11:45, Reply)

Yes, I have, many.
Just go to www.b3ta.com/talk - full of 'em!
( diffy maybs, Sat 18 Mar 2006, 11:00, Reply)

Not weird ... Really
Not so much weird as very very rare and odd.
I had someone randomly add me to their skype thingy and start talking to me. Turns out they live and work in the same location as where half of my family live and we have had a holiday home (bungalow) for the past 17yrs. In fact, she goes to the club 200yds down the road from said bungalow most evenings. And after describing the bungalow to her:
"Cool, always wondered who that one belonged to"

Went up there the one summer and asked her to drop in. Met her at work on her lunchbreak as i was walking past anyways too. And she's stopped off at my home town on the train on the journey back home after seeing her mum who lives south of me.

The weird part is... NONE of the information about me that ties me at all to that area of the country or family there is on the internet and is not even common knowledge amongst friends.

Scary I say
( MadAdamUk was last alive on, Sat 18 Mar 2006, 10:56, Reply)

2005 was a bad year for the internet
most of the people i've met in the last 5 years have been internet related. most have turned out ok, but a couple have been not quite as i expected.

the one that stands out the most was a guy i met last may who seemed nice enough over msn etc. we met up in london and he was an hour late. then as soon as he walked over, i had this horrible feeling it was gonna be a terrible day.

he was the most immature annoying person i've ever met in my life! he acted like a 5 year old the whole time, and we were on the tubes and he was talking really loudly and asking if i like him and saying really embaressing things. any normal person would've just walked off but i'm too nice.

we went to burger king where he ate with his mouth open. and not just with it open,but regularly showing me what was inside on purpose.

then later on he was telling me about the people in his town and how loads of people said he raped this girl but he swears he didnt do it. then started being all "you dont like me do you? i bet i'm a disapointment!" and me being the way i am, i was all "no you arent!"

then when the day finally finished, he bugged me on msn for about 2 weeks to get me to meet up again and was telling me he loved me until he found some other poor girl to annoy.

oh, and now i've remembered another guy from december. one of my mates was saying he knew a guy he thought i'd get on really well with. so he gave me this guy's msn address and we got talking. he seemed nice enough, although like a bit of a stalker. apparently he frequently visited my myspace page but never sent me a message because he thought i would hate him. and in the first conversation we had, he was telling me how he has various songs and films that remind him of me.. looking back, thats where i should've blocked him. i then found out he was going to the same gig as me the next week so we agreed to meet up inside and chat. he seemed pretty cool in real. not so much of a psycho. then i found out i'd missed my train home and he drove me all the way back which i thought was pretty sweet. then he dropped me at my house and i was like "thanks for dropping me home" and kissed him as like, a thankyou and because up to that point i thought he was a nice guy. then straight after i hear the words..

"so what does this mean? where are we going?"

and i had to sit down and say what i thought of him, if i thought we were gonna go anywhere, what the chances of a relationship happening was, and answering a million questions that i didnt know the answer to! it was horrible!

god knows why i met him again. we went for a meal and to some arcades (he payed for every game i played. that was pretty cool lol) then in the car journey home i had to face similar questions again and had me trying to work my way out of seeing him again and i ended up crying and it was the worst night of my life!

i never saw him again after that..

sorry for the length, but you love it.
(harrietthespy, Sat 18 Mar 2006, 10:38, Reply)

Hundreds of weirdos who nearly killed me
I was a strange child. Bulimic from the ages of 10-12 and anorexic for a year after that. Although I was technically "recovered", for years afterwards my default coping strategy whenever I got pissed off was to stop eating for a while. Thus I had several relapses, but none quite so downright stupid as the one fuelled by teh interweb.

Flicking through a magazine in my dentist's waiting room one day shortly after my parents had got their first computer, I read a report on the shocking and horrifying trend of pro-anorexia websites. These were communities where sufferers would get together and support each other in starving themselves to death. They'd post pictures of skeletal people to inspire each other, details of their height and weight in order to compete with one another, tips on how to hide their illness, etc etc.

Guess what I googled as soon as I got home.

Two months later, two stone lighter, I had stopped attending school and was spending all day reading and responding to emails from these weirdos, looking at their pictures and turning into a total zombie. It was only the fact that I somehow managed to get into music college and therefore had something to look forward to that stopped me from killing myself.

All of those sites have been taken down now. I wonder how many people died because of them.

Apologies for lack of humour.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Sat 18 Mar 2006, 10:25, Reply)

"cheekbones to die for"
This guy constantly tried to have arguments with everyone on the music forums I was on back around 1999-2000. Looks like he's still doing the same. A friend happened across his homepage and, well.... Just look at it will you? - www.geocities.com/davidmantell/ -
Make sure you check out the pictures here. He genuinely thinks he's highly attractive and not a Dot Cotton lookalike.
(Schroedinger, Sat 18 Mar 2006, 9:58, Reply)

Lanage
Technically not through the internet, A group of us at Uni reguarly get together on a small lan to play games after lectures, through the night, pretty much till we need to leave for lectures the next day. This is all well and good normally, albeit a bit odd that we get to recognise eachother by screenname just as much as by real name, can be quite confusing talking about someone and forgetting their name.
One day one of the other guys decided we needed some new blood to play against on Warcraft, so invites a couple of people along.
They are a bit odd. one joined the army just to blow stuff up.
One seems to look up to Goatse man, has Lemonparty saved as his homepage, and has hitler as wallpaper. The only guy i know to listen to Venetian Snares on full volume without blood dripping out of his ears.
SO technically not the internet, but wierd enough people never the less.

*pop*
(Rfairney Sigsigsig, Sat 18 Mar 2006, 8:25, Reply)

at my friend's wedding...

I met a spunky Canadian woman, who I got on famously with. Sadly, she was the best man's fiance, and they'd met online.

So there you go. I didn't meet her online, and she wasn't a weirdo, nonetheless I am posting this story.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 18 Mar 2006, 4:25, Reply)

singles sites!

I used to belong to a site, www.meet-the-mentally-ill.com, or that's what it should've been called.

One lady who will live long in my memory described herself as 32 and then admitted she was 36. Her being 36 didn't bother me (I was 31 or so at the time), but the lying seemed a bit odd.

We arranged to meet at a nightclub, she didn't turn up, I left a message. She had an excuse about how she fell asleep and her flatmate didn't know she had to be anywhere and so didn't wake her up...OK, fair enough, yet seemingly a bit odd. I think probably the level of detail of the excuse was what seemed off, rather than just saying 'sorry, I feel asleep'.

And she liked to chat via instant message...once I had to log off to re-load my computer, or something...she interpreted this as rejecting her and left a message about how if I don't want to see her I should just bloody say so...

And finally, she left another angry phone message saying that my "inbox isn't working" ie presumably she's got my email address wrong. I sent her back an email saying no, it's fine, email me - basically giving her the choice of contacting me or not. Which she didn't, luckily.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 18 Mar 2006, 4:22, Reply)

ehh
he's not so strange

this time next year we'll be married ;)
(brotagaia, Sat 18 Mar 2006, 4:21, Reply)

my friend met someone on gaydar or something similar...

who described himself as being something along the lines of "a straight-acting fireman".

He turned out to be my friend's very camp hairdresser.

This friend's friend met someone and went over to his house, to find the house covered in garbage bags and the person 'curling one out'. 'Erm...your ad didn't mention you were into scat'. 'No, if I do people don't want to come over'. 'OK...bye'.

Oo, and another one: another guy I know prostituted himself on the internet, met up with this guy at a hotel. The client didn't want to have sex with him, because this guy was very fat indeed (and presumably had described himself as a straight-acting fireman). So this guy basically threatened him until he paid up. Lovely.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 18 Mar 2006, 4:12, Reply)

I've never met a weirdo... but some gorgeous women have met me. I have some photos of some loveliness somewhere...

I think it helps if you talk like you type. Yes.

Actually, met the current missus on t'internet... To avoid embarassment we claim we met whilst I stalked her round the Co-Op down the road from us where she was working...
(blackfacedfightinggibbon, Sat 18 Mar 2006, 2:54, Reply)

Once...
... I was happily on my pc watching tv etc and my msn window pops up. Hello, who's this i say to myself. Oh, its *so-and-so* off *so-and-so site*. Now with me being all of 19 years of age and the dude being about 26 or something like that and me only just being able to remember where i knew him from (msgplus u rule), i was surprised to be asked the following as the opening line:

"Do you have any pictures of your ex-gf's naked that you wanna trade?"

"Umm no i say" - Whether i had or not i wasn't going to share them with him!
"but, since you ask, you must have some pics of your ex's right?"

"yes, i'll send you them"



And true to his word, the kind chap did. And by god his ex's were fucking gorgeous I tell thee! It may have been an odd internet guy, but he did send me pics of his exs naked and they WERE hot.
( MadAdamUk was last alive on, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 23:37, Reply)

Gaydar...
...'nuff said.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 23:29, Reply)

Dave
I went to one of those posh schools in Surrey (sorry about that). Left school in the mid nineties. Anyway there was this weird ugly bloke called Dave in my year. Met up with a few friends of mine the other day who told me that Dave met a girl on the Internet, married her and is now a pig farmer in Georgia, USA ( I believe this guy studied physics at Oxford University).

What was perhaps best about this story is the stag do. One of my mates went on the stag do and Dave showed him a picture of his bride to be. The description my mate gave was

"You know that fat bird off 'You've been framed'................ imagine her fatter, uglier sister!"

(For those who don't know - her name is Lisa Riley, and yes she is a big girl).

emmerdale.org/emmerdale/dingles/mandy.htm
(veniceboy lives in California, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 23:26, Reply)

Last night I attracted a finnish catboy
While I'm not entirely guiltless (as there were pictures of me wearing cat ears on a certain popular image board that is not b3ta) You'd be amazed at the diversity of weirdos you'll attract by wearing cat ears.

Anyway long story short said finnish catboy lost hsi gayvirginity age 10 and now at age 20 weighs at least 250 pounds and has a desire to be kept as a pet by a caring and loving master (anyone who remembers the nullo story from b3ta's yesteryear might be slightly reminded of it when someone talks about being permanently someone's slave.)

Also my cat ears were better than his, they're sexy fake velvet and his were made of card.

PS: jesus christ I agree on the second life thing, and not only is it full of very scary people, it's also got the clunkiest controls since lagnarok online, AND the editor system is crap, I'm amazed that some people make half decent stuff in it, however most people just make huge dicked furry porn.
(kittenbot, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 21:14, Reply)

A whole MMO full of weirdos (SUPER LONG I AM SORRY)
I have a horrid and hilarious tale of an entire MMO game full of weirdos, and I must apologize for extreme length, but this story is just so… lengthy! EDIT: I am aware that this is a bit off-topic, but please read and enjoy, ok?

Second Life is a free MMO where people can make custom avatars, create things like buildings and vehicles, and generally wander around and chat in AN AMAZING INTERACTIVE 3D ENVIRONMENT!!!!

Ahem, anyway… I signed up on a lark, mostly to confirm my hypothesis: Second Life is full of weirdos, from furries to emo-goth kids and men pretending to be women. And wow was I right.

I spent most of my time teleporting to random areas in the game world, hoping to encounter some new AMAZING INTERACTIVE 3D form of Internet weirdness.

Early on I ran into a group of furries in a “sandbox” area. They were quite nice, and even gave me some free game items. While I chatted with them for a bit, I had a gradually increasing sense of creepiness. Not only were there avatars all fluffy and furry, they acted like Mormons! They were constantly trying to recruit me into the furry ranks with subtle comments and questions. I left, laughing nervously on the real-life end of the keyboard.

Now off to annoy some emo-goth kids. Too bad for me, however, there were already plenty of annoyingly creepy men and women running around in the goth areas of the game. They all acted hilariously melodramatic, with names like “Vampyr Lorde Arcturas” glowing above their black-clad avatar. The male avatars were constantly harassing everybody to have cyber sex with them. I asked around, and indeed, you could have your avatar commit AMAZING INTERACTIVE 3D sex acts within the game world.

Jackpot! After mere minutes of teleporting around the game world, I found the Goreans. The Goreans were the most creepy, serious BDSM folks I have ever met. All the female avatars were scantily clad and attached by chains to the Schwarzenegger-esque forms of their male “Masters.” After laughing until I cried, I asked around and found out more than I ever needed to know about “the Gorean lifestyle.” Apparently this whole creepy realm within Second Life is based on some horrible BDSM novels, wherein all the females are slaves to male masters, and acts of sexual violence are a regular occurrence.

Now I was really creeped out. Not only were people committing virtual sex acts in the AMAZING INTERACTIVE 3D of Second Life, they were acting out violent sexual fantasies… the kind people go to jail for in the real world.

Suffice to say, I quit my account and deleted Second Life from my hard drive less than a week after I first started the game.

(P.S. You can actually get a job and make game-money in Second Life, in order to buy game items like yiffable avatars and weapons. While some make money buy building and selling items, most of the employment ads I saw in the game were for female strippers and prostitutes… a nice final creepy thought ain’t it?)

(P.S.S. I have even more tales of Second Life weirdness, so drop me a line if you dare to hear more!)
(Bobstaff, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 20:31, Reply)

CarpetRight
I once went onto that internet thing and typed in "sex porn". The next thing I know is, three strippers have turned up in my attic and begin insulating it with that fluffy yellow stuff (it's made out of baby chicks).

The next day the strippers are in my garden having it off and bumming each other and stuff, so I go back onto my computer and type in "racism is a bit cheeky" (which it certainly is! I do not approve one bit) and that George W Bush tunnels up through my living room floor and starts sanding down my skirting boards.

So in answer to your question, yes. Yes I would like a Strepsil.
(Andrew Avetoom, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 20:27, Reply)

not necessarily weird...
...but I have basically met everyone I've met since 1995 via meeting one initial person via the interweb. I'd discovered that there was a nice little utility in the uni systems which allowed one to send an instant message (1995, remember) to anyone whose matriculation number you could identify from the list on the same server as you. There were also options to send to whole labs or the entire server. I can't remember what I said but someone replied, one of my flatmates and I moved into a flat with the, and their mates for second year and subsequently met lots of people via these original new people and people met through them. A few of them must have been weird. The internet was involved.

It does count...
( wingpig wish I'd known about liquify eighteen years ago, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 20:15, Reply)

Shadyron
Yup. MT List veteran from a few years back. Legal threats to work, etc, but he didn't get my home details. Some people might have had dodgy sex with weirdos on the internet, but I honestly doubt anything can come close to some of the things I heard about Go---me-----che.

PS: Anyone who knows about him will understand why I'm not putting his name in properly.
(MattWPBS, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 19:50, Reply)

a man on stumble
sends me a picture of a flower every monday. And that is all.
( Whythebigpaws?, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 18:30, Reply)

Mad Trekkies
I may be a terrible nerd, but I have limits. The woman who had the cast of 'Enterprise' tattooed on her back, and then showed it to them at a convention. And she'd seemed at least relatively normal up to that point.
(mw, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 18:25, Reply)

I have a gazillion of these stories
One of my favourites was back in my AOL days. This girl IMed me and started chatting me up, then sent me her photo. Imagine my surprise to find a picture straight out of the latest edition of Club International (fantastic publication). I asked her if she'd ever done any modelling - she said no. So when I asked her why her pic was straight out of Club Intetrnational she couldn't sign off fast enough, hehe...

My fave story, however, involves a girl on ICQ. She began by telling me that she was sitting there being licked out by her dog, then went into detail about what she liked to do with him. She then tried to get me involved by suggesting I cover my bits with tuna to lure my cat into giving me pleasure with his rough tongue. When I wasn't too enthusiastic about that she suggested I try it on with my goldfish...

Her parting words were "I'd love to see your goldfish flapping about in your fanny..." before I got scared and signed off sharpish...
(sundaeg1rl Lady Two-Jugs, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 18:07, Reply)

favourites
i talk to many weirdos an these two have got to be my favourites:

vampire boy: 14 year old boy who told me he was a vampire. he said he got drunk one night at a party when a vampire bit him. i had great fun taking the piss - he stopped emailing me because i wouldn't be his girlfriend

the chosen one: some boy who said that the voices coming from his microwave told him to " go forth and spread the message of peace"
i laughed for days after reading that one.
i sent one back that said "my toaster says you lie"
(torture bunny lives under the kitchen sink, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 17:52, Reply)