Play GT5
I still have my fingers firmly crossed it will be released before I die. Perhaps I'm being naive.
(sabre-tooth monkey, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 15:58, 2 replies)

Things To Do B4 U Die......
Kill Everyone.....
(phils1969, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 14:47, 1 reply)

Please can we have a new question?
there's no more hummus in this one,..
(wankymcwankwank Eels, tobacconists, hovercraft and bouncy bouncy., Tue 19 Oct 2010, 14:45, 1 reply)

In the QOTW description
MASSIVE sex with Bananarama would involve being fellated until I'm quite frankly sick of it. This may take a long time and they may need to set up a relay system.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 14:42, 4 replies)

i would very much like
to not have to be pleasant to people i don't like. just once before i die, i'd like to get one person who i really can't stand and kick the living shit out of them until i'm too tired to continue, without fear of repercussions.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 14:31, 1 reply)

Ooh, also the Eurovelo
any of the routes will suffice:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/EuroVelo
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 14:28, 3 replies)

Warning, may contain gloating
I'd like to complete the "B3ta Grand Slam of Achievements" (which I've just made up), comprises of:

Have QOTW suggestion chosen
Come top in a QOTW
Have Image Challenge suggestion chosen
Come top in Image Challenge
Have Image Challenge entry appear on the frontpage
Have non-challenge /board entry appear on the frontpage
Have QOTW entry appear in the newsletter
Have other mention in newsletter
Have Top Tip appear in newsletter
Have subjectlol chosen for newsletter
Appear in Amorous Badger's fail archive

Managed some of them but still a way to go. Also, anyone have any other suggestions to the list?

Edit: Been naughty-stepped
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 14:21, 18 replies)

I'd like to learn how to 10 pin bowl in a Saab
Too soon?
( Another_tragic_case wished he hadn't eaten all the cake, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 13:51, 3 replies)

Love and reproduction is how to win at life.
There are two fundamental aspects to humanity which are really the only way to fulfill life. The first is Love, the second is reproduction. The desire for a partner to reproduce is hard coded into all of us, as it is hard coded into most other animals on this planet. The reason for this is for the survival of the species, and the growth of the species. People may pretend to be happy whilst single. But the sheer fact is, they aren't. They will always notice other people, and wish they had a partner. Whoever made us, made us to be paired. 2 eyes, 2 ears, 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 genders. Its all about being paired up.

Everybodies ambition, or thing to do before they die should be to reproduce. If you die without having a baby, then your life has been pointless and you are dead. With a child you're passing on your DNA and have the opportunity to pass on your teachings, your ethics and your way of life to your offspring. Who will develop that and also pass it down to their off spring. To win at life, is to not die. By doing this, part of you will live on forever.

Love is a huge part of this, and is a human emotion which seperates us from animals. Its the most powerful emotion in the world and has the ability to change ones course in life. You can only ever experience what its like to be human unless you have fallen in love with another. Many people see it as the key to happiness.

Those that take an alternative life style, such as going out doing huge challenges, mountain climbs etc are obviously incapable of achieving what life is really all about and therefore mask over it by achieving other mere challenges. Challenges such as rowing the atlantic for instance. Whereas its impressive, it is true that anybody can do it. You just set your mind to it, want to do it and then go and do it. Lifes biggest challenge is for acceptance of a partner in love and to reproduce. Not everyone is capable of doing that due to personality, looks, behavioural issues. You cant change who you are, but you can change what you can do. Lifes biggest test is on who you are. Because it is who you are, that a partner will connect with.

If you have kids and a wife, a full time job, and a house to support that. Then you should pat yourself on the back, because you have won at life. You have done better than those that walked on the moon, you have done better than those that have sailed across the planet. You have reproduced, you've help to guarantee the survival of the species. Its easy to look at the single freerangers who are jetting about everywhere and wish you were free. But its natural to wish we had something that we do not. Just be assured that you have won at life. Because you have found someone to love, someone who loves you and have had children to continue your legacy way beyond your own grave.
(Miggyman, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 13:47, 46 replies)

Paris-Dakar
Do the Paris-Dakar rally in a WW2 German half-track thingy with the glass goggles and everything.
'Course it's been screwed now that the rally goes through the Atacama in the north of Chile but at least I could visit the in-laws while i was there.
(Darth Thump, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 13:42, Reply)

To live a life without serious regret.
That's it really. At 29 and a bit, so far things are not going badly- there is a little bit of "could have shagged X if I was paying attention" or "seen Y play if I'd taken up a particular invitation" but no regrets that have me lying awake at night thinking my life is significantly worse than it should be. I have a lovely wife, after a turbulent period of employment, I do a job I love and I am privileged to have some great friends and family. I've been to some interesting places and done some cool things. If the rest of my time on the planet proceeds in the same direction, I wouldn't be unhappy at the end.

If I were to list some remaining ambitions to do before death;
- Have some material printed in a national paper. I'm working full time for a magazine and have had my work printed in a few places but I would love to do a newspaper article at some stage.
- Have a kid. Don't care about the gender, just would like a happy, healthy son/daughter.
- Adopt a kid. I would like to share my life- however tragically middle off the road it may be- with a child who may not have had the same breaks that I have.

And, when I think about it, once just once do something unplanned and a bit crazy. I've done some strange things- lawnmower racing, tooled around North Africa in a camper van etc but I am wired in such a way that I can't do anything without a plan, an understanding of likely outcomes and without having an exit strategy. I'm the weirdo that has a clean pair of boxers, socks and a t-shirt in their desk drawer and always finds the recommended local minicab company before I go out on the lash whether I'm in Manchester or Manilla. Perhaps- just once- I'd like to do something crazy.

Length? Well I'm not the healthiest bloke going but I'd like another thirty years at least.
(Leonard Hatred briefly did some work on, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 13:42, 2 replies)

Apologies for lack of teh funnezs
There used to be several things I wanted to do before I die, I mostly sorted them out into: Sexual Fantasies & Life Aims. However in recent years there has been one thing I want to do before I pop teh cork...

Bit o' back story first. My relationship with my parents has always been rocky, very rocky. When I was younger my siblings and myself were often left alone/neglected and had to make do, when I got into my teens I was still left alone but had better coping skills. Now that I'm an adult (apparently, don't feel like an adult...) here comes the guilt tripping.

"Oh, we never SEE you!", "Oh, you don't CARE about us! We don't mean anything to YOU!" etc. ad nauseum

What I would love to do is to tell both my parents how much I resent and at times hate them for what they did to me when I was a kid.

- Having being left alone for days on end as they were out on the lash with no food and no money in the house. (I was 10)

- Having to sleep in a bedroom with 6 other people (including two mad lesbians, my mums sister...) because my mum decided we needed to do a mid-night flip to get away from my dad. (I was 12)

- My dad treating me like a pile of dog-shit on his shoes because I wasn't the perfect son he'd wanted. (Birth till today, when someone has a new baby boy just to replace you... Puts you into perspective)

I'd love to sit them both down (well, tie them down actually, go-go bondage tape) and just talk at them for a good hour or so and let that resentment out. However the bugger of the situation is dispite the crap that they put me and my siblings through, I still can't find it in my heart to hate them. They're just two very, very fucked up individuals who in my honest opinion shouldn't have had kids and shouldn't have gotten married.

So here is my dilema, the one thing I want to do before I die is tell them how fucked up I feel because of their upbringing yet by doing so will I do anything other than further alienate and upset them?

Pissflaps.

(Further information on sexy-sexy life aims will be put in replies if people are really that interested, group public sex features a few times...)
(Helo, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 13:21, 8 replies)

I'd like to retire...
But the way this countries going and seeing as im still in my 30's its more likely i'll be worked to death paying for the previous generations pension scheme.
(Mr_Smythe, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 13:01, 4 replies)

I would like to..
Look though a telescope, a big fuck-off one. I had the chance the other night at the Royal Observatory, but it was cloudy. A real monkey's bumhat.

Go on Ready Steady Cook and Fifteen to One. (Done both).

Get married (watch this space)...

Live long enough until scientists can successfully turn of the aging genomne.

Go self employed.

I've done lot's of stuff I'm proud of, and most of this is in the past 10-12 years.

Been in a great 11 year relationship

Got a BA and MA.

Travelled the world.

Bought a house.

Renovated said house.

Sky dived, bungee jumped and abseiled, despite having a MASSIVE fear of heights.

Got a reasonably respectable job.

Doing very well in martial arts.

Run a half marathon.


I consider myself to be very lucky to have had the opportunity to do these things. So should not moan as much really.

EDIT*

Had a QOTW suggestion chosen.
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Hardly groundbreaking....
I've read a few entries on here, unfortunately not that much *sparkles* with me, except the bloke who ranted that the life I've created is boring and ive wasted my time, still I think he got flamed enough for being a little short sighted, funny though.

You see, my problem, if you can call it one, is that ive only ever wanted to have a good job, children, a home and a lovely wife. I didnt take the shortcut to this by getting a 14 year old pregnant while in school and getting lucky in the council house lottery. I just took my time and grew up, it wasnt easy, it didnt all fall into my lap, I had to go out and "try", but I got there.

I've never wanted to visit tibetan temples, or leap out of a plane, pipedreams maybe, if the opportunity ever arises I'll probably take it, but my drive has alwayy been just to be me.

Pretty boring really, but I found its a lot harder to be me than you might think, I can guarantee none of you would be able to be me, you may be better, or worse, but never "me".

My cynical and somewhat blanket view is that "we" as a species are just like the other species out there, we like showing off, whereas "you" might show off by telling me tales of how you outran a small militia while taking part in the Gumball 3000 on the borders of Poland in a sinclair C5 wearing nothing but a banaman costume and smoking a cigar, I just like telling people about how well my wife and kids are doing, and that they are happy.

To me, knowing that is enough to know that im on the road to achieving something special, and having my kids grow up with me is a constant change of perspective and goals in itself.

Sorry for being/sounding boring....I'm happy.
(Smellyape liking http://www.b3ta.com/bpma/, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 12:55, 3 replies)

Just once, before I die, I want to...
...do something more than grumble to myself when the woman with the car-crash life who's renting the house next to mine starts a shouting match at 3 a.m.; has the police round looking for one of her wayward sons (her front door is currently chipboard because they smashed it down a couple of months back when her dodgy offspring were hiding an underage girl who'd been reported missing); answers the door to some pissed-up paramour at half past midnight and doesn't just tell him to piss off and come back when he's sobered up; throwing crockery and yelling "this is my home!" at the top of her lungs. Nothing violent - just that polite contained anger that we Brits used to be so good at before the advent of Jeremy Kyle and the like.

...Have kids (one full set, with my current ladypartner; not keen on the idea of having more later with someone else.). I've left it a bit late (I'm now 43) but at least I'm actively working on it now.

...Live long enough and keep my marbles long enough to not only see great-grandchildren but have an intelligent conversation with them.

...Be a UK taxpayer at the highest applicable income tax rate and not do anything to minimise my tax liability.

...Act in a speaking part - on stage, tv or film - professionally (it only has to be once, and not for more than Equity minimum). Done loads of amateur stuff, and I'm tolerably good at it (at least as good as some of the pros I've seen, particuarly in some of the soaps) but on the few occasions I've tried to get professional work I've not had any luck.

...Sing in public when it's not a comedy part.

...Learn to play classical guitar.

...Go back to uni and get the degree I should have got when I was 21, but flunked (while the novelty of booze/drugs/clubs/women was still too strong). not going to happen until I get the higher-rate tax job, at least not while this shower of shit are running the higher education system.

...Pay off all my debts, including the mortgage, and have all the money I'm spending on them to myself. Did it once before, just before buying a house, and it felt just dandy.

...Hunt down and kill Neil Hamilton while his horrified harridan wife watches. Then feed fillets of him to her until she chokes. That tosser, as Trade Secretary, decided to ignore an official report that said my then-industry's set-up didn't hurt the consumer interest, and ordered a reorganisation anyway (one which, funnily enough, benefited News International.) putting most of my then colleagues on the dole and forcing me to relocate from the throbbing Metropolis of That London to the land that architecture forgot - Swindon. Then, after he was exposed as a lying money-grabbing conniving cheating bastard with no more right to walk on God's clean Earth than a weasel (©Richard Curtis and Ben Elton), he and his Lady Macbeth of a wife parlayed their borderline criminality into a TV career. At least Ann Widdicombe is making a show of at least trying to learn to dance, you slimy fuckers.

...Get properly, Men's Fitness-front-cover-ly, fit once more before my joints give out. Kurt Russell was 46 when he did it, to film fairly shit scyfy actioner Soldier. Apparently he worked out for four hours a day every day for 18 months to get there*, but he got there, and he was older than me when he did it. *another reason to get highest-rate-tax rich or a professional acting gig; unless you got a couple of hundred grand lying around, or it's your full time job, how else can you afford to spend four hours a day working out AND hold down a full time job and still have any kind of life?

...Write a novel that gets published by an old-fashioned paper-and-ink outfit, which gets optioned for adaptation to film.

...do Salma Hayek, Rachel Weiss, and Eliza Dushku. Not necessarily all at the same time, though I wouldn't complain. Oh, and Makosi off Big Brother, Shilpa Shetty and - just to break the dusky monotony - Christian Hendricks & January Jones out of Mad Men.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 12:39, 5 replies)

Before I snuff it
I'd like to get ripped in 6 weeks.

Edit: and possibly, lose inches off my waist using an old simple secret.

Edit #2: And grow my cock by 4 inches in a month.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 12:06, 5 replies)

Natural encounters.
I've seen some amazing things thus far but would like to add a few more to the list.

I want to be threatened by a bear, the whole standing on the hind legs thing.
Roared at by a lion close enough to smell its breath.
Punch a shark on the nose.
Throw shit at a monkey.
Drive a 4x4 being chased by a rhino.
See an elephant lose its rag and go on a mission of destruction.
.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:07, 1 reply)

Before I die I'd quite like to get the attention of whichever lowly cheeky arrogant too-much-hair-product-popped-collar cunt junior copy writer at FHM keeps ripping stories straight off QOTW Best pages and printing them in their 'magazine'
so I could argh raaaaagh fuck you you fucking cock fuck I'll fucking slowly cut out each one of the main veins in your feet and hook you up to a dialysis machine so I can keep you alive for as long as possible while I practice my acupuncture with carpet tacks and a pin hammer. I'll lay you on a bed of nails and drive stakes through your thighs to keep you in position while I heat each nail up with a blowtorch until it's glowing. Let me experiment with my My First Dentist toolkit I'll attach your tongue to your chin with a safety pin so it keeps out of my fucking way while I'm working until I slam your jaw shut so hard you bite it off so you can't form any more of those fucking lying cheating arse-fucking words. I'll dislocate your wrists and ankles tie ropes to your limbs and dangle you over a drumkit and force you to play along to Hanson's greatest hits hit that fucking snare you arse fuck cunt.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:03, 29 replies)

Similar to Me, I'm not... down there
I'd like just once to acquire the drive to focus on a target and see it through to completion. I don't even care what it is but I envy those with real passions and desires who can remain committed to achieving their goals.
Now don't get me wrong, this isn't a self pitying, emo whine - I do have interests and hobbies but they are all transient. I'll jump in with both feet in the initial rush, spend a load of money buying all the necessary gear, it'll consume my waking thoughts for a few weeks then...poof...as quickly as it arrived my interest has waned.
Photography, Golf(I know), Photoshop, Cookery,self sufficiency, learning to play a ukulele and more have all come and gone in the last year or two. In all instances I was going to become an expert but ended up a bit meh! - Jack of all trades and master of none.
Just once it would be nice to not be average at something, to be acknowledged as an authoritative voice on a particular subject and not let my goldfish like attention span prevent me from...oooh look a squirrel....
(lopezthecatkiller has not killed a cat since....., Tue 19 Oct 2010, 11:00, Reply)

A number of my friends have proved this.
To do before you die.

1) Assemble a significant amount of booze and drugs. Cane for a long time. Suffer few effects physically, but become dependent and a bit mental. Stop caring about self.

2) Go to rehab.

3) Spend a short amount of time clean and evangelical. Then just have the odd one.

Then it splits into two paths...

4a) Find yourself using regularly again and repeat above until...

4b) Do an inconsequential amount of drugs or booze. Keel over. Have nearest and dearest at funeral.


So, immediately before you die, get wrecked.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 19 Oct 2010, 10:18, 2 replies)

Come up with a new
question of the week.
(wankymcwankwank Eels, tobacconists, hovercraft and bouncy bouncy., Tue 19 Oct 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Learn Toe Spell

(seejay2010, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 9:52, 3 replies)

This is really quite sensible
but, the thing I really must accomplish before I die, is to find the cure for death.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 4:32, 5 replies)

This is the Reckitt's Chimney
www.geograph.org.uk/photo/167701

Technically belonging to Holliday Pigments, but previously belonged to Reckitts and will probably be always known locally as that. I was fascinated by this when I was a kid and I always wanted to go 460ft up to the top and have a look. However, the place closed down some years ago. Some urban exploration types have already been up there already

www.28dayslater.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=31649

so I don't know if I still want to do it myself.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 0:26, 1 reply)

Only being 18
I wish to suck my own cock before I die.
(Maccy Divided by 0 on, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 23:14, 21 replies)

I am a man of no small ambition.
When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I replied "taller."
( argyleblanket The man on the roof works for me, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 23:08, Reply)

Drive the "Cape to Cairo" route
in some egregiously powerful vehicle suited to the task.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:42, 8 replies)