b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Worst Nicknames Ever » Page 26 | Search
This is a question Worst Nicknames Ever

Everyone wants a cool nickname like "Ace", "Boss", or "Iron". Kids being kids, that's not what we get - the kid with polio gets called Johnny Spazm, your Ginger Fuhrer was called Rob Man-you-smell and your question master was "Tommy" Trinder despite him being dead for years.

Tell us the worst you've heard and the stories behind them.

(, Thu 18 May 2006, 15:45)
Pages: Latest, 32, 31, 30, 29, 28, 27, 26, 25, 24, 23, ... 1

This question is now closed.

In a J-Lo stylee i was briefly known as Ben-Rob, which was then anagrammised to Nobber and then Nobsack. Best pleased i wasn't.

I got them back by winning £900,000 on the lottery and not telling anyone at uni.
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 18:38, Reply)
Gets worse as I get older
My mates:-
Charlie cos he looks like Charlie Chaplin
His brother is Punani
Stupid - because the namer says he is
CoCo - cos he is said to act like a clown
Kev - cos he looks like Kevin from Coronation Street
Jammin Jeff - a top jetskier

Me - Slap cos I shave my head

And the one who named them - Fritz, cos he's a big blonde looking German type
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 18:23, Reply)
Kid with the surname Sparry
In Infants asked for us to all call him Spaz from then on. (no-one knew of its later implications) In primary school we then learnt what it actually meant. he was then called lots of things, you can probably guess a few, Spack, Spacker, Spazzy, Mong, etc..I don't think there has been a day since where someone hasnt done a Mnnnnnneeeeeuuurrrrrgggghhh in his face, complete with facial features and everything, good times.
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 18:01, Reply)
went by Curly for many years
I had a Hendrix afro before any of the fuckers cottoned on to who Hendrix was. Still I got off easy.

Fatty Allen: Because he was fat
Alan half an hour: Because he was slow
Alan Apple: Absolutely no idea why

One friend went by Fozzie, some dubious connection to the puppet but I never asked. By far the greatest was my best mate, he has the surname Duggan. One day a fellow schooler came in talking about that god-awful Rutger Hauer movie, Salute of the Jugger and it clicked. We tried for years to wind him up by calling him Salute of the Duggan but he never went for it.
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 17:51, Reply)
A guy I went to school with had a massive ammount of freckles on his face. He was therefore renamed Cod skin due to his face resembling the skin on the back of Cod
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 17:31, Reply)
i like wanking
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 17:22, Reply)
pretty grim....
it was at one of those first big house/garden parties you go to in your mid teens, where everyone turns up with the carrier bag full off questionably acquired booze.

so at this party a mate of mine pulled this girl, and his hands did venture south. he reckons his fingers come out with black stuff all over them.

so she got called tarmac.
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 16:43, Reply)
Barrel Boy
simply because he looked barrel shaped....aka fat.
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 16:43, Reply)
...was my nickname throughout Primary school simply due to the fact that I ran like an horse apparently. I have to admit, I ran more like a piles suffer who'd been knee capped than a horse but kudos for everyone having their imagination in gear.
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 16:42, Reply)
Friend of mine
knew a couple of backwater hick brothers. One day they'd had a fight, and the older got hit in the head with an axe. He lived, and proceded to shoot his little brother in the eye with an airgun.

They were henceforth known as Cyclops and Denthead.
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 16:33, Reply)
My boss
...commands a lot of respect. His name is Angus. His nickname is Silent G. As in, Anus...
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 16:31, Reply)
here kitty, kitty, kitty
my friends and I nick named one local lass Shish, why? Her first name was Donna as in Kebab, you only fancied her when you were pissed and by Christ you regreted it the morning after. This changed one night after Big Nic remarked he could get more than four fingers in so she became Kit knut.
appologises - she didn't get one so neither will you
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 16:21, Reply)
Resurrection Saga......
There was a lad at my school who went by the name of Jesus, not because he had long hair, but because he had once come back from the dead. Apparently his mother had killed herself, and he was having a bit of a tough time psychologically. One morning he woke and didn't fancy school much, so without giving it too much thought, he called in, pretended to be his own father, and told the school that he had died suddenly in the night. He then proceeded to have a cup of tea and watch the telly, like you do when skiving.

At school, however, it was all kicking off. His mates were mostly the hard biker/mettaller types, and many of them were in tears (he hadn't told anyone he was going to do this). There was a special memorial assembly very hastily arranged, to help the kids deal with it all, and the school was in uproar. This continued until the headmistress and two other teachers went to his house with flowers to offer their condolences........and he answered the door.

His friends were torn between being as angry as hell at him, and having the hugest respect, and from that day forward, he was known as Jesus!
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 16:17, Reply)
Poo bag
When I was at uni, we had to advertise for a random person to move into our house of 8 after my mate went off to France for a gap year. The only person who wasn't totally freakish who applied was this rather quiet kid called Saqid, or Saq for short.

He turned out to be a bit of disaster - he lived on nothing but dodgy tesco tinned curry served with a mountain of rice (which frequently caused him to spend hours shitting it out), used to get stoned on Marlboro Lights and pissed on nothing more than a pint of cider.

After a night out, there was me, my very new girlfriend, Saq and a (really actually quite attractive) girl he'd inexplicably managed to pull. After another drink or two, Saq gets up and says he's just popping to the loo. He does. For about 40 minutes. There's only so much small talk you can get through before everyone in the room realises he's gone to crimp one out. It was most embarassing for everyone concerned as we all barely knew each other.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, he was known form then on – never to his face, only between the other housemates – as Saq of Shit.
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 16:15, Reply)
Boring ones
A few name to throw out here

Bloke - because she was as big as a..
Martini - Another girl, owing to her reputation (any time, any where, anyone)
Snaggletooth - No idea why, but he had a habit of shouting this out in class. It got him expelled after a while.
Squirt - My brother, ironic as he's a big git
Basil - another brother, thanks to his long hair

me? I'm sexpuppy. It was just thrust upon me by a group of girls, apparently, because I was British, and therefore must have a sexy accent.

(, Mon 22 May 2006, 16:14, Reply)
Mine was boring but my chemistry teacher was affectionately know as Embryo Head owing to his head looking like a embryo of about 11 weeks.
I had and ex-boyfriend who managed to burst out of his trousers at college to display some fetching brown pants, to be followed by the nickname Donkey Bollix.
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 16:01, Reply)
Having a wonky eye...
... tends to single you out. So whilst at Uni a girl who had the unforunate afliction of confusing anyone she looked at was proptly called Jo - because of GI Joe, or glass eye jo as we'd extended it to mean.
Worst bit though was that nobody could actually remember her real name, which was definately not Jo or Joanne etc. God, we were cunts! Still, I went a step further and copped off with her one night... minging tits.
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 15:59, Reply)
Ginger people...
... tend to have more nicknames than most. However, wanting to be slightly more orignal after several years of mocking our fire-haired friend I came up with the rather catchy "Unpainted wasp" - which has firmly stuck.
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 15:52, Reply)
Jethro Black
When we arrived at university, the uni had thoughtfully put name tags on everybody's doors in halls. I woke up after my first night there and my tag had inexplicably been changed in the night to read Jethro Black. Nobody owned up to it, but the name stuck for the next three years.

Still, makes a nice change from school - my last name rhymes with f**ker...
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 15:46, Reply)
Oh So Many.......
When your name is Sam Wise, the nicknames get fairly predictable, so I won't go there. I did go to school with one chap who had a fairly creative sense of humour however, and who adapted my nicknames in various ways.

It all began when I was in a bad mood for some reason, and he decided to refer to me as "Oh Happiness and Glory" for a few days. That was later shortened to OHAG, and then Haggis, and Scottish Person, repeated references were made to kilt wearing, and caber tossing, all on the basis that I'd had a grumpy day some time when we were about 14. I went to college with him too, and it stretched on for years.

2 years ago, I caught up with him through friends reunited, and was not a bit surprised at the opening to his reply. The subject line was OHAG! And the email began "Dear Scottish Bastard....."
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 15:18, Reply)
Loaf & Bun
There was a guy at my school whos head was shaped like a loaf (he also was a bit slow he got Zig & Zag tattood on his arm at 16). I always thought his name was funny untill his little bro got to our school & everyone called him Bun.

Makes me laugh everytime i think of it.
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 14:52, Reply)
My best mate is a guy called Vinny. Now anyone who knows him will refer to him as that. Most people think it's his actual name, and are quite suprised to hear that he's actually Ross Richardson, who has been known as Vinny since he was about 10 due to the fact he is just sooo damn skinny (he's nearly 6 foot and weighs in at a whopping 7 stone 9...You wouldn't want to tangle with him, lol).

He's recently told me that he's actually going to get his name legally changed to Vincent. haha.

(, Mon 22 May 2006, 14:39, Reply)
Richard Fisher
Little kid in the year below me. Shortened of course to - Dickfish.
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 14:37, Reply)
When I started boarding school I weighed the same as when i left the place...
...but low and behold my fellow boarders helped me fit in by nicknaming me "Fat Cunt".

Still, it was fun when a caring teacher asked us all what are nicknames were in a flawed bid to irredicate bullying.
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 14:33, Reply)
My brothers girlfriend has a bunch of family and one of those is her brother who is named bugger. I have no idea why and I think he is like in his 30's now and they still refer to him as bugger in conversation. they even call him bugger to his face.
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 14:31, Reply)
I went to bad schools...
At Junior school I got the name "Gypo" as in Gypsee, on account of the fact my tracksuit trousers had holes in the knees. Given that like any 7 year old I would crawl about on the floor a lot any trousers didn't last long. I think they stuck at it as it visibly pissed me off. On the other hand what my folks saved on trousers paid off the mortgage and now the family is doing quite well, take that you council housed gits! :)

Also secondary school, equally bad. Ironically one of my mates christened me "Norman No-friends", which given I was probably his only mate seemed rather unfair. It stuck for many years.

Needless to say I'm happy to say that when I left that school I left the names and plonkers who devised them behind and am much happier now.

One nick name I did like was from university. I broke my foot during drunken antics and got the name "Skippy" as I hobbled around on crutches/limping a lot. Strangely I like that one.
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 14:11, Reply)
Flash, was a railway carriage cleaner who wasn't particularly fast or bright, hence the nickname.

Example: he told us about a fun night he spent at the Europa cinema (private xxx film club in Bristol, very seedy, now closed). He sat next to a galant gentleman who in between tugging his cock, introduced himself and invited Flash back to his for 'coffee'. When asked how he got on, Flash replied, "e fucked I, an it 'urt".
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 14:09, Reply)
Christian O'Connell
Yes, THAT one. Cretinous, unfunny tosser who inexplicably loved the sound of his own irritating voice, even as a teenager.
His enormous popularity amongst his peers was reflected by two nicknames, 'Horseface' and 'Tightarse'. The latter was due to his ridiculous Simon Cowell-esque high-waisted jeans, and nothing to with being stingy - no-one hung around him long enough to find that out.
(, Mon 22 May 2006, 13:56, Reply)

This question is now closed.

Pages: Latest, 32, 31, 30, 29, 28, 27, 26, 25, 24, 23, ... 1