Agggggggggggh crap
I've just remembered Crystal Waters Gypsy Woman, and because of this watermelon thread
downloaded it off Soulseek.
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

La de wahohwa
La de wahohwa
La de wahohwa
La de wahohwa
La de wahohwa
La de wahohwa
La de wahohwa
La de wahohwa
La de wahohwa
La de wahohwa

Arrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
( Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 10:08, Reply)

Worst song EVER
Little Tommy - By Chicken Shed.... Brilliantly funky, yet subtly awful.

But its all for a good cause
(Me luv UK., Wed 3 Dec 2003, 10:08, Reply)

Long time listener, first time caller.....
....so be gentle with me!

Obvious choice would be 'Fast Food Rockers' with "Smile Please". This falls into the category of novelty act's second single. A rubbish act gets a top ten with a gimmicky song which is crap but tolerable as you know it will soon vanish. Then in an attempt to bleed the last few pence from the under 12's of the country they release a follow up.

See also, "Mambo No. 5" by Bob the Builder or anything by 'Steps'.
(Hip By Association, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 10:08, Reply)

The new Brittany Spears single
just for that crap talky bit at the beginning and for madonna going'hey brittany' my GOD! What the hell is going on with the world! ITS SHIT!!
(northern seth back is giving him jip again, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 10:02, Reply)

Any gangsta rap
cos it's shit.
( gingerbenji wrote a book http://goo.gl/8UiGjd, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 10:02, Reply)

anything that get played at fairgrounds
you know that crappy dance shite that has a triple faux hihat beat in it. Um-ts um-ts um-ts um-ts-ts-ts...
Aaargh who writes that shit. Plus anyhting from a manufactured pop fame idol academy or just manufactured banal pop....
Here endeth the rant
(northern seth back is giving him jip again, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 9:57, Reply)

Where's Captain Kirk
by Spizzenergi
Why? You obviously haven't heard the thing.
() do bears shit on the wooden pope?, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 9:57, Reply)

Glen Madeiros - Nothings gonna change my love for you
Bought by my mum for me when I was in a moment of puppy-love madness when I was about 8... Glen was GORGEOUS at the time and it was the only song I knew the words to so I loved singing it VERY loudly thinking I was impressing everyone.

Anyone know what he is doing now? I am sure he looks about as bad as the once-gorgeous Face from the A-team... Such a disappointment I would rather not know if that is the case!
(Tabilda Been away a LONG time *grovels*, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 9:56, Reply)

"Songs for Swinging Voters"
A Conservative Party 7" flexidisc release, with such rousing songs as "John Citizen" and "Four Jolly Labourmen" - I'm not sure which election it was released for, but by the Swingle Singers-style harmony singing on some of it, it must be late 60s, early 70s. I paid 20p for it in a charity shop.

It redefines "excruciating". Crap cocktail-style jazz, fake "working clarse" accents, and "Vote Conservative" tattooed on its ugly hide. There is no worse record than this. I inflict it on all my friends when they least expect it.
(flying_pasty, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 9:50, Reply)

Classic terrible tunes I own include
The Supermarket Sweep single by Dale Winton and the Barcodes.
And the B-side of Ian "lovejoy" McShane's single called "The Desk" Which features the immortal lines:
My old desk
Does an arabesque
In the morning
When I arrive...
( butchbint, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 9:35, Reply)

A wee bit before my time
But, i think it has to be
"Ebony and Ivory" by Stevie Wonder and (Sir) Paul McCarteney.

I've still managed to retain some respect for the blind man, but, as for Paul, this song made me hate him and the Beatles, bearing in mind i was a big Beatles fan prior to hearing this.

The reasons? I just find it banal, sloppy, offensive crap. Awful. Just awful.

And anything from the popstars/popidol roster - all shite, no excuses. Dside. phixx. one true voice. girls aloud. Zoe Birkett. Jessica Garlick. all need to be shot.

But, that aside, Ebony and Ivory. Disgusting.
( Station, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 9:32, Reply)

Closing Time
by Semisonic is possibly the least imaginatively written piece of rubbish I have ever heard. The music is actually okay, but the lyrics are 100% shit. I want to kill them.
( huggybear, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 9:25, Reply)

Any of the Power of love singles
Although they always used to get me moved on a bit
in Trivial Pursuit.

They were the epitome of 80's crap.
( Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 9:24, Reply)

Slade - Merry Christmas
Christmas is complete HELL for me. This gets played over and over in every bloody shop across the country. 3 things accompany the playing of this song for me:
1) involuntary muscle spasms
2)immediate uncontrolled grinding of the teeth
3)a total mental and aural shutdown.
Remember the bit in Scanners - that look on their faces just before their head goes bang? I go like that.
I wish Slade a horrible and timely death involving rusty spoons and possibly ferrets.

This is the major reason for embracing Internet shopping at this time of year - saviour from the Slade and all the screaming children. God bless the Net.
( Lynxkitten, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 9:23, Reply)

Worst record ever?
Kylie Minogue - The locomotion.
Mindless, banal, crap in the extreme.
I remember being dogged in my youth to dance like some sort of bad haircut retard, jigging my arms locomotion style. Even my aging relatives had the good sense to steer clear of dance floors when this song was on.

The worst part was it spent forever in the charts.
( Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 9:16, Reply)

blazin f*cking squad
i hate em i hate em i hate em!!!!

they all should be neutered to stop them from having any offspring. The world does not need anymore 15 year old joyriding gangster wannabies who've probably watched a whole series of sopranos and think that they are double hard because of it.

Tossers!!!!
(Charlie big bananas, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 9:11, Reply)

Anything by the cheeky girls
I can just see the marketing meeting for this pile of old shite.
"Let's put a couple of tasty girls on stage, wearing a belt and a pair of high heels. That'll make lots of money"
"but what will they sing?"
"who cares?"
That tune stuck in my mind forever and just wouldn't die. A sort of undead/zombie anthem.
( DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 8:58, Reply)

Everything I Do - Bryan Adams
Was in the charts for fucking ever, and allowed Adams enough wedge to buy a pub just so he could close it 'cos it kept him awake at night. zeppelin. For that reason alone he should burn in hell. Plus the scabby faced Canuck shagged Princess Di, (it is alleged, I hasten to add).

I hate the bit where you think it's stopped and it hasn't and the fact it was for a Kevin Costner film, for the same reason I hate I Will Always Love You, by Whitney Houston. God, when she wrinkles her nose I want to kick the telly in.

Also, Changes, by Black Sabbath and more recently Ozzy and Kelly Osbourne is not, and never will be metal.
( Smallbrainfield, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 8:55, Reply)

And of course.........Tiffany.
I have the album at home, and my vocal teacher told me to pick something challenging for next week......so I figured I'd listen to my CD's. Unfortunately, I listened to Tiffany's song: Could've Been.............
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 8:54, Reply)

Mr. T Says Say No
I used to have an album in which Mr. T instructed me to say no to drugs. I believe it was based off his cartoon, but I can't be sure. The worst part is that I received it as a "trick or treat" item during Halloween when I was 6. I'd rather have gotten a Fun size Snickers bar.
(Anne Packrat Staunch Heliocentrist, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 8:32, Reply)

Commerical club music
tad non-descript, but I live right next door to a shit for brains club and they literally play the exact same songs in the exact same order every pissing weekend and to add insult to injury the last song is always that stupid Greek song (oh and as a bonus my bedroom window faces the back alley to the club so I have the pleasure whilst trying to sleep of listening to either A) People chucking their guts up B) Guys cracking onto sluts or C) Guys calling the sluts bitches for not sucking their cock)
(Vectrex, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 7:56, Reply)

Sargent Pepper!
My worst (and maybe the best) record i own is "Sargent Pepper's Loney Heart Club Band". This 1979 remake features The Beegees and Peter Frampton as the head liners. Many other seventies artists participate on the record, such as earth wind and fire.

This is the WORST beatles tribute/cover EVER. The sargent pepper reprise theme is super funky and 70s, and the version of leaving home features massive amounts of electronic music and Vocoder effects.

It even comes free with a poster of peteframpton and the beegees in their versions of the sargent pepper getup
(grinick, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 3:31, Reply)

Gala - Freed from desire
Yes, she danced like a fudge on top of the pops, but I've got a soft spot for this one ... entirely due to the events of one Saturday afternoon at the football.

I think we must have chatted about the mentalist dancing in the pub beforehand or at work or something because ...

Half time - and the dj puts on Freed from Desire.

Without thinking, me and me two mates are on our feet, doing a vague approximation of the dance with great gusto and no little enthusiasm.

after a couple of seconds of furious grooving, I notice out of the corner of my eye that half the front row of the top tier are doing the same - apparently totally independent of one another.

and that, my friends, is the hidden power of dance
( coco, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 3:15, Reply)

the barney the purple dinosaur theme song
goddamnit, even after 12 years, that stupid this is still stuck in my head.
( droogii why stay still when you can roll, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 3:13, Reply)

Sadly this is one I was involved in.....
.. a friend of mine (Raymond) wrote a 'world cup song'. He was a keen composer but, strangely this one got picked up by a record company. Long story short... we are Scottish, this was Italy (1990 ?) and it was a 'Scottish' world cup song. I sang on this, and it was released as a single. Apparently Radio 1 played it for about 20 seconds then pulled the plug. Thing is they overdubbed the main lyrics with Andy Stewart. This was not long after 'Donald where's your troosers' was re-released and the record company didn't know what to do with Andy.. He was on his death bed when he recorded the lyrics to this.... apparently quite literally..
I currently have a copy of the single sitting on my lap after a rummage in my record collection... sorry this is a longish post but here's the last verse (printed on the back of the sleeve)...

I'm a Sassenach goal-keeper out in hot Sardinia
I've stuffed myself with pizza and it's put me off my beer
And now I've watched our full back put his pass back in the goal
You can hear the shout "England's out" I'll soon be on the dole.

It brings back frightening memories... however.. I got paid more than anyone should have for this. Forgive me.

Did I mention that this is fucking appalling and hugely embarrassing....?

EDIT : This track was 'Scotland Scotland' by Rabble F.C. Sadly I have no means of recording it from vinyl, I can smell your disappointment.
( Lord_Floaty Hooting gladly., Wed 3 Dec 2003, 2:27, Reply)

"The chicken dance"
My parents took me on a cruise when I was younger. Since there is little to do on a ship to keep young children amused, they had an activity program that basically acted as a babysitting service for the parents. The program often consisted of playing music and/or dancing, and at least once a day or possibly more often, they played the chicken dance. That is why, whenever it's played, I run out of the room screaming.
( Or is it?, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 2:15, Reply)

and bob the builder
Me mam (no shit) crashed her car listening to this. she was ok. the car. well, bob couldnt fix that. twas f*cked
(Jimmaw, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 1:52, Reply)

The Birthday Song
because its wank
"SUPERMAN!!!"

that has scared me for life
( ChaosTime The Fucking Moon Lord, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 1:52, Reply)

another one
- Achy Breaky Heart - (I don't care if people think it was fun, I wanted to kick the blokes forehead into kingdom come. that song is the worst. it's like your uncle has got pissed at a fucking wedding and got up to sing a song that doesnt exist.
(Jimmaw, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 1:51, Reply)

also, that doowah thing
by those annoying three kids. Because it gets in your' head and im sure everyone agrees when you are working and the person next to you is wailing this song, you want to smother him.
(Jimmaw, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 1:47, Reply)