I am a domestic goddess and no mistake.
Today I have tidied the garden and had a bonfire, made cheese scones, cleaned the bathroom, made a chocolate cake and filled it with Amaretto laced whipped cream, raspberries and mango, made steak and pepper sauce and veg and salad for tea and done all the washing up. I'm going to be a brilliant wife.

How have you domesticked today?
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:02, archived)

Not at all.

( Bou : nobody ever says anything about dirty old women, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:03, archived)

Do you have staff?

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:05, archived)

I'm going to mention slaves here,
internet, do not wobble.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:05, archived)

Shyow ting massa.

( NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:06, archived)

I read this backwards and it still didn't make sense

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:07, archived)

Sure thing master

( NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:10, archived)

1.21 GIGAWATTS!!?!?!?!?!
/ac
( elusive I'm not really here. You're imagining me, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:03, archived)

I did the washing up.
Pay attention.
( Comma, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:03, archived)

I left my washing up in the sink for my flatmate

( Neon Blue Ah ha ha haa! I feel positively capital!, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:03, archived)

I paid the small black man that tidies and mows our garden

( moohalaa, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:03, archived)

You terrible size-ist!

( Bou : nobody ever says anything about dirty old women, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:04, archived)

you should get him to mow THEN tidy

and do you call him Sammy D?
( Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:05, archived)

you pay your slaves?

( WormuIus, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:17, archived)

Went shopping
cleaned the house
made cheese on toast.
( Hankster, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:03, archived)

Is this a late lunch thread?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:03, archived)

*sounds the Quite Dull alarm*

( Malaka omdz, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:05, archived)

See below
Have some dwarfs pulling a jumbo jet www.b3tards.com/u/33043da9108f3e6c7725/erm.jpg
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:04, archived)

Erm is the perfect title for that picture.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:04, archived)

The one with the specs is having a right laugh
There's Bluestar just a couple behind
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:06, archived)

needs more slave driver

( Neon Blue Ah ha ha haa! I feel positively capital!, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:05, archived)

jumbo jet DC10
yes...I am ashamed :(
( elusive I'm not really here. You're imagining me, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:06, archived)

For shame!

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:07, archived)

They all look like they're touching cloth

( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:07, archived)

Alright, stop it, the rest of you, this is the best thing all day.

( Shegetz Chris Kamara's comedy moustache, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:13, archived)

LOL
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:18, archived)

Bloody ell
Did I just walk through a portal into the 1940's?

...

When Hitler had the interwebs...
( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:04, archived)

fuhrernet
now part of the virgin media group
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:16, archived)

I went to work and earned money
My flatmate did the domestic stuff. We could be married.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:04, archived)

I'll bet your cake isn't nearly as good as this cake.
www.flickr.com/photos/danger_mouse/2713638100/in/photostream/
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:04, archived)

even I could smear a dead rabbit in cream and chocolate flakes and stick strawberries to it

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:05, archived)

Oh yeah?
OH YEAH?
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:06, archived)

ONLY 2/3 CHOCOLATE?
DISGUSTING
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:08, archived)

It was fucking enormous, man.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:08, archived)

It was about a foot high, wasn't it?
I ate a significant slab. Noisily.
( moohalaa, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:09, archived)

Something like that.
Once sliced, it was too tall to stand up straight, and had to be laid down sideways like.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:10, archived)

also,
*pays 20p*
( moohalaa, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:10, archived)

I want to see that photo of baldmonkey with the plate.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:13, archived)

I should have got about £9,000 worth
you utter, utter cunt
( moohalaa, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:15, archived)

You should have got OVER £9000 worth.
It's not all my fault. Baldmonkey wouldn't let me help you.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:15, archived)

I'll get my go. I fucking will.
With a baseball bat speared with vinegar-covered nails.
With bees on them.
( moohalaa, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:17, archived)

I'll not even charge you.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:18, archived)

ONLY FOUR OF THE SIX ENORMOUS PART WERE CHOCOLATEY
THIS IS WAY BELOW EU GUIDELINES
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:09, archived)

THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH COCOA POWDER IN THE WORLD.
Besides, it was the greatest cake ever. Dr When said so.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:10, archived)

rayyyyyyyyyyycist

( Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:12, archived)

NO, NO THERE'S FAR TOO MUCH
AND IT ALL NEEDS TO BE MADE INTO CAKE BEFORE IT'S ACCIDENTALY INHALED BY A CHILD AND CAUSES LUNG CANCERS
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:12, archived)

You weren't there, maaaan, YOU WEREN'T THERE.
It was a cakey victory.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:15, archived)

I do believe I'm wearing some of it as thigh

( Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:11, archived)

I think we all are.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:11, archived)

That looks lovely.
Did you make it, you massive hom?
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:09, archived)

No, Springy did.
It was a triumph.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:09, archived)

went to work
came home and made dinner
off to pub shortly

will you be my wife?
( Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:04, archived)

Do you have a large penis?

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:05, archived)

10 inches
(soft)
( Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:10, archived)

Hmm.
Are you...
Rich?
Nice?
Funny?
Clever?
Sexy?
Interesting?
Hairy?
Tall?
Right wing?
A dog person?
A Tottenham fan?
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:18, archived)

no
yes
yes
yes
no
yes
no
no
no
yes
yes
( Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:20, archived)

Sorry, not interested.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:24, archived)

He's having to think about it.
Perhaps he hasn't found it yet.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:11, archived)

how rude
i wanted to finish satisfying your mum before I measured it
( Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:15, archived)

5 mins...not long then.
Busy man eh?
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:17, archived)

I've done nothing remotely domestic today
at work I did some digging with a pick axe, which was alright, I also laid some bricks on top of cement which was quite fun
( Malaka omdz, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:05, archived)

You're a proper man.

( NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:06, archived)

I just ate most of a very large papaya
It was the size of a small family car and reduced to 10p at Tesco.

I shared it with Monty the Parrot who said 'nom nom nom nom' all the time she was eating.

edit: my pet crabs had some too, they love a bit of papaya.
( NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:05, archived)

Yesterday I met a woman with the funniest mexican accent I'd ever heard.

( Lightguy hail satan, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:05, archived)

I've taken complete charge of the household internet sarcasm duties
and I'm a month ahead on my trolling
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:05, archived)

Thanks for your suggestion lower down the board :)
whatever it was it's now sorted and everything working fine again at top speed.

much appreciated suggestion
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:06, archived)

HOORAY! I'M HELPING!

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:06, archived)

wow
Well that takes the pressure off, that'll be your quota filled for the next couple of years won't it?
( elusive I'm not really here. You're imagining me, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:09, archived)

I may be a shiftless sarcastic slob with all the airs and graces of a yeti with a corncob up its rectum
but I sometimes try to help the internetically-challenged among my b3ta bretheren
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:15, archived)

you're still a cunt, baldy

( moohalaa, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:15, archived)

yeah but, y'know, you've got to take the whole "not putting my todger into other mens' rectums" thing into account

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:17, archived)

You have a point. A very good point.

( moohalaa, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:18, archived)

and we worship you for it
I'm too busy to understand inetrnets and computer things.
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:18, archived)

I'll be honest with you, if the virus scan didn't find anything then it probably just needed a reboot
feel free to ignore this post though, I'm enjoying the attention
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:19, archived)

it was rebooted thrice
and no joy. The safe mode spyware scan must have caught something. ta :)
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:29, archived)

That's like a whole other full time job though
I salute you for your efforts
( elusive I'm not really here. You're imagining me, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:21, archived)

I did that command prompt thing too
And it just flickered up. I'm guessing a similar thing would be helpful even though my internets are tripping along quite merrily.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:09, archived)

ahhh right
I think you probably just typed "netstat > c:netstat.txt" into the Run box

you need to type cmd into the box

then type the netstat command into the command prompt

wow. I stayed awake while I was typing that
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:13, archived)

Phew
There's geekery like no other here. Ta
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:15, archived)

I washed up this morning.
I put some clothes in the wash.
I tidied the bedroom.
I took old magazines out of the bathroom and replaced them with this months.
Later on I'll wash up again.
( FoldsFive, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:05, archived)

gay.............

( Neon Blue Ah ha ha haa! I feel positively capital!, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:11, archived)

Clearly.
I wonder if my fiance has finished cooking our tea yet.

Evening chap, long time no see.
( FoldsFive, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:11, archived)

Yeah it has been too long
I am at a loose end at the moment, so I thought I would pop in.

how's tricks?
( Neon Blue Ah ha ha haa! I feel positively capital!, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:21, archived)

I tidied up and mopped the floor and hoovered and made myself a spectacularly nyom chicken and bacon burger.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:06, archived)

Tara is cooking a shepherds pie.
I'm starved.
( FoldsFive, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:08, archived)

Laundry
and hobbling out to the washing line.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:06, archived)

How's the ankle?

( SuperMatt, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:07, archived)

I helped to make fish pie
and did the clothes washing
and the dish washing

so yes, I have
( its_hatorah_bitch is b3ta the devil you know on, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:06, archived)

I can't stop eating.
I just want to eat and eat and eat.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:07, archived)

Fatty

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:07, archived)

ME TOO

( Bou : nobody ever says anything about dirty old women, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:08, archived)

Oh dear.

( Malaka omdz, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:13, archived)

That thing you showed me earlier is borked.

( WormuIus, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:18, archived)

Should be fine now
It'll go up and down like a yo-yo for the next couple of weeks
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:28, archived)

You make me sick!
It's women like you that put the rest of us to shame. I've been with my boyfriend for 11 years and he is still under the misguided believe that the most complicated thing that I can cook is beans on toast. That will not change if I can help it.

Edit: Err... Just in case he reads this later... I am joking. I can't cook! Honest!
( Templeton Blah, blah, blah..., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:08, archived)

I wish to be a house wife
But I pretty much fail at being domestic.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:09, archived)

I've gone for a live-in slob kind of thing.

( Templeton Blah, blah, blah..., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:11, archived)

I'm marrying for money
And getting a maid.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:12, archived)

^This.
I'll just keep my boyfriend as a bit-on-the-side.
( Templeton Blah, blah, blah..., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:14, archived)

I love womanning.
I love doing other things too though.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:12, archived)

That's not womaning.
Womaning is gossiping, nagging and buying shoes. I have 2 out of 3 perfected.
( Templeton Blah, blah, blah..., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:15, archived)

I haven't
I worked all day, brought dinner home (fishcakes, spuds and diced carrot & turnip) and let the Mr cook it.
( icklepeach *relurks*, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:09, archived)

Tidied and hoovered the office and that's about it.
Sod domesticking. Tomorrow I will lay TURF.
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:12, archived)

Just made a rissotto
May make some soup later.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 20:16, archived)