lovely and cool herewas a bit chilly last night. brrr!
(
MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Tue 1 Jul 2025, 7:07,
archived)
Morning And it’s cool with a slight breeze here in London. Got all the windows open and will try to let the house cool down over rye next few hours before locking it down about 10am to keep the heat out.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 1 Jul 2025, 7:22,
archived)
^good ol' boy drinking whiskey and the(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 1 Jul 2025, 7:39,
archived)
Morning (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 1 Jul 2025, 8:59,
archived)
you need to unsubscribe, it may take some time to process your request tho(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 1 Jul 2025, 12:48,
archived)
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⠉⠈⢣⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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⡴⣊⣙⣭⣬⡙⢁⣾⣿⣿⣦⡙⡀⢀⣴⣿⣾⣿⣿⡷⢨⣤⣉⣥⣶⣾⠁⣾⣧⣈⣑⠢⡀⢱⢀⣀⢳⣾⣾⣷⣾⣿⣿⣆⢦⠎⣴⣿⡿⠿⣿⣦⢸⠀
⢣⣿⣿⣿⠻⣿⣾⣿⣿⡹⣿⣷⣷⢣⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡅⠘⣿⣿⣿⢫⢹⡀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠙⣾⢸⣿⡆⣟⣿⣿⣿⠉⢿⣿⡏⢸⣿⣿⡾⢱⣿⣿⠀⡆
⠀⢏⣿⣿⡜⡟⣿⣿⣿⡇⢿⣿⠉⢸⣿⣅⡤⠀⣿⡷⢀⢸⣿⣿⢸⠘⡇⣿⣿⠀⢿⣿⠀⣿⢸⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⡿⡇⢸⣿⣇⠸⣿⣯⣵⣿⣿⣿⡀⡇
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⠀⠀⠙⠺⠕⠋⠀⠀⠀⠳⡸⠿⡼⠑⢤⡉⠙⢉⠵⠃⠀⠱⣉⢋⡼⠀⠙⠬⠭⠛⠦⠭⠞⠁⠀⠉⠉⠈⠓⠒⠊⠘⠪⠭⠟⠀⠀⡾⣿⣿⡿⠋⣰⠁
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠧⣈⣉⠠⠔⠁⠀
(
$$ ✅, Tue 1 Jul 2025, 9:30,
archived)
You know what's funny, yeah?Repeating the same 'joke' that wasn't funny in the first place a billion times until the heat death of the universe. That's fucking well lol, that is.
(, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 17:22, archived)
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 17:35,
archived)
lol and rofl, clicking thisBut not really though.
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 17:25,
archived)
i don't know what's real anymore(
MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 18:16,
archived)
Fed up with people 'borrowing' my coffee cup at work so I've bought myself a 10kg stainless steel mug. Sure, I look a bit of a spaz trying to drink out of it and I've almost knocked my teeth out a couple of times but it is my new favourite thing ever (
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 19:42,
archived)
chatGPT made these ok
________________
/ \
/ HAIRY \
| BISCUIT 😨 |
\ _____________ /
\_/ \/
|| (o_o) || ← scared face
|| /( )\ || ← wild hairy biscuit legs
|| || || ||
~~~~~~ biscuit ~~~~~~
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 19:48,
archived)
__________________________
| |
| ROLL OUT THE KIPPER! |
|__________________________|
____
=== 🚚
KIPPER VAN ← motion lines
LET’S GO!
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 19:50,
archived)
What did you prompt it with?(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 20:56,
archived)
"hairy biscuit", which means something like "fear", you're giving me the hairy biscuit means you're worrying and frightening meI don't remember the prompt sorry
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 21:41,
archived)
^scared of vaginas(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 23:37,
archived)
roll out the kipper!seriously you can't roll it out too quickly for me.
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 1 Jul 2025, 0:16,
archived)
it's just occurring to me now i think we've all been fucking scarred by that text somehow(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 1 Jul 2025, 0:22,
archived)
If you’re ever in trouble, act like you’ve got a mental illness.(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 1 Jul 2025, 11:50,
archived)
b3ta.com/talk/6286442
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 1 Jul 2025, 0:27,
archived)
What is the funniest prank we have ever seen happen or would like to see happen at a public swimming pool?
In terms of pranks I’ve seen
Pretty basic and common but I’ve seen plenty of people being unexpectedly pushed/thrown into the pool and that’s always a great laugh. Especially when they haven’t been in the pool yet. Love those pranks a lot.
I’m also a big fan of when someone is sitting on one of those big floaty things and a person throws a ball and hits the person on the floaty and they are knocked into the water
Now time for some hypothetical prank ideas!
A gross one, however equally would be hilarious. Deliberately take a shit in the water! There’s been plenty of accidental code browns in public pools however why not squat from the outside and drop one into the water! I’d love to see the reaction on everyone sharing the pool’s faces as they realise what’s going on and evacuate fast!
I also think it would be hilarious to set up a fake drowning scenario, get an experienced swimmer to pretend he’s struggling in the water and their friend who is a very average swimmer jumps in to save them and they pull the person out of the water and get the reputation as this hero when in fact nobody is in trouble
Last but not least, I think it would be funny if there’s a bunch of people who are about to dive into the pool for a race and as they’re about to head in you yell out “EVERYONE STOP” and hopefully scare enough people so they slip off the diving boards and fall into the pool anyway
What pranks would we play in a public pool?
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 14:36,
archived)
Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round; the jar is round... they should call it Roundtine.
(
$$ ✅, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 15:17,
archived)
Swim up and down in an orderly fashion for my allotted time, so no-one realises I'm actually stealing some of the pool water in my ear canals and will empty it down my bath plughole at a later date(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 15:23,
archived)
I got banned from the local pool For holding my breath and floating face down for a full minute. The swimming teacher almost had a heart attack and I got detention.
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 15:35,
archived)
(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 15:44,
archived)
I haven't really ever seen a prank at a public pool, sorry I can't help(, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 15:46, archived)
my mate once threw a garter snake into a fairly busy swimming pool. they swim really well. amazing how fast people can get out of a pool lol(
MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 15:54,
archived)
As a student Joel Veitch attached a hose from the sink into my bed. I slowly woke thinking I'd pissed myself. I had the last laugh though. He had to pay for my ruined mattress.
(, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 16:18, archived)
I'm part of the bike buddies scheeme at work and they have my picture on the websiteit's me, on a bicycle on my street. A nice couple moved in a few doors down and it turns out one of them works for the same company. He got a reminder do to mandatory training today and the email had a photo of me on a bike in front of his house. He was quite amused!
Have you freaked anyone out in a nice way?
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 14:19,
archived)
When I reminded Danny Dyer about what happened on the 11th September 2001(
Cheers Cheers, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 14:28,
archived)
Is Yeti ok?He doesn't seem as hoopla hairy biscuit as he usually is
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 14:28,
archived)
George Gouda ate chowder, George Went got bent(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 13:01,
archived)
You know what's funny, yeah?Repeating the same 'joke' that wasn't funny in the first place a billion times until the heat death of the universe. That's fucking well lol, that is.
(
.Yeti., Mon 30 Jun 2025, 12:59,
archived)
George Went, James sub-Prime, Arseboon Dilbaro, yr mum(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 13:02,
archived)
Butkus was in a class of his own(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 14:48,
archived)
Did You Know?Darren "Daz" Sampson (born 28 November 1974) is a British singer-songwriter, record producer and football manager. Sampson is known for his commercial dance music, as part of several groups, and his television appearances. He has had nine Top 30 UK singles.
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 13:39,
archived)
AHAHAHAHA HE LOOKS LIKE IAN HUNTLEY(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 15:22,
archived)
Remember when b3ta invaded his forumsb3ta.com/talk/1478449
(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 15:26,
archived)
GEOSTORM(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 14:07,
archived)
Still the easiest way to push a spanishfly thread down the board, though(, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 16:20, archived)
hola smeg-lord's (and smeg-ladie)I've pretty much finished work for today now. 3hrs more work Thurs morning then nowt til the following Monday.
Fucking get the fucking fuck in, eh readers?
alt: GUNT
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 10:55,
archived)
I'm off all next week Need a break from the mental, so I told her that I'm being sent away by work for a company retreat for security training. I thought I might as well make the most of it, so I booked the week off as well.
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 11:01,
archived)
very good ideaI'm off to the British Museum later for a lecture: 'Taste through time: a history of food' which I'm looking forward to
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 11:19,
archived)
Avoid the garum Nasty roman fish sauce
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 11:47,
archived)
I had the opportunity to visit my air conditioned office, so I took itAlso, the boy is nerding up a storm at home, and I feel my tolerance for it will be lower in this awful heat.
TL;DR - Wibble Jib-Jib
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 11:32,
archived)
I have changed one of my usual days in the office to avoid the prick that never shuts uphe is of course here.
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 11:56,
archived)
What is your job?Are you some sort of prostitute or something?
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 12:17,
archived)
That’s not very miserable or cunty of you, MiseryCunt.You should have said something like “god I hate you all, today is shit and so is the latest Mission: Impossible film”.
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 7:51,
archived)
Morning I've got tonsillitis again
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 8:28,
archived)
Can you get the fuckers taken out?(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 8:44,
archived)
I've asked several times They just keep saying it's best to leave them alone unless it's absolutely necessary
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 9:27,
archived)
you still get tonsilitisit just goes deeper down your throat and makes you worse
(, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 10:04, archived)
Fuck that My throat is already very swollen and the spots haven't even shown up yet. If I didn't start antibiotics today, I'd have to spend tomorrow eating ice pops
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 10:59,
archived)
I used to get it annually, it'd put me in bed for a couple of days then a week of feeling shitI developed a penicillin allergy, got it a couple more times and had to ride it out. Haven't had it for a decade
(, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 11:58, archived)
I'm allergic to amoxycillin So I have to take clarithromycin. It works, but everything tastes like metal
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 12:31,
archived)
Helloit's a bit warm
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 8:44,
archived)
Life, life to the IVF!Just a positive chant in support of our brothers and sisters needing assistance on their pregnancy journey.
(, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 10:35, archived)
I would bet my life that Rod Stewart has fucked every single one of his backing dancers Even the downs one
(, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 19:54, archived)
Rod Stewart is 80 so him getting an erection is practically necromancy.(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 20:38,
archived)
I can't believe Ronnie Wood is actually 2 years younger than Rod Stewart.(, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 21:07, archived)
Wake up Maggie I think I got something to say to youmy name is jacob dyer and i live in bristol. it is fantastic. i sound like barnaby bear. i like barnaby bear. one time he went to france. i went to france. but some kid burnt my neck. i didnt like it.
(
Cheers Cheers, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 21:25,
archived)
If you want my body and you think I'm sexymy name is jacob dyer and i live in bristol. it is fantastic. i sound like barnaby bear. i like barnaby bear. one time he went to france. i went to france. but some kid burnt my neck. i didnt like it.
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 21:29,
archived)
Have I told you lately that my name is jacob dyer and i live in bristol. it is fantastic. i sound like barnaby bear. i like barnaby bear. one time he went to france. i went to france. but some kid burnt my neck. i didnt like it.
(
MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 21:57,
archived)
I can tell by your eyes that you've probably been crying forever my name is jacob dyer and i live in bristol. it is fantastic. i sound like barnaby bear. i like barnaby bear. one time he went to france. i went to france. but some kid burnt my neck. i didnt like it.
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 23:18,
archived)
18:00 is half-past, surely(
Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 16:18,
archived)
i have no idea I was thinking betwixt noon and evening i spose
Bit of a pointless post really. Like all my posts ha ha ha
(
MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 16:30,
archived)
I'll tell you in 5 minutes (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 17:55,
archived)
<s> Creek wa</s>bagging i(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 19:13,
archived)
Indeed.Main character a blend of Bradley Murdoch and Ivan Milat.
Bradley Murdoch is at death's door.
(, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 19:30, archived)
"Hello. Here's a load of old shit for you. For those who don't know me, I'm old.
I get the piss ripped over on /talk but I don't really mind. Being old has its advantages. I work in the music business and have done for over 35 years. I was there in the 60's and 70's and saw the birth of rock music, and spent my youth enjoying copious quantities of free love and no fear of AIDS.
I grew up in the film industry, my grandfather and uncle worked for Pathe News and I used to go to shoots with them in the hols. I've met The Beatles, been inside Lennon's house, I was at the launch of the first Moog synthesizer, played in some good bands and still do. I also met loads of film stars, rock stars and even had breakfast with Jimi Hendrix at the Isle of Whight festival. I have a helicopter pilots licence and have started flying again after a brief period and I'm engaged to a model.
I now work from home running a recording studio and am on the committee of a growing rock festival which is held in the same village where I live. I work with a friend who does HD video recording to broadcast standard and we run a mobile tv/audio studio and we have some nice jobs come in for next year at a few top festivals.
I get as much good sex as I want and I drive a fast car. Work is steady despite the recession and I'm landscaping my huge garden with ponds, waterfalls and rare trees and there is enough room to put up a big marquee in November for a fucking b3ta bash.
I also started doing the odd spot of stand up comedy a few years back and have begun doing a few clubs and venues around this region. My set has been described as extremely rude, downright disgusting, in incredible bad taste but funny. That's just fine by me. I mean, I can't knock it, it is pretty strong.
I'm in good health and go running every day. I don't drink alcohol or smoke fags and have finished several marathons and loads of half marathons in the past. I'm training for a channel swim in June/July next year and am aiming to smash the record for someone over 50.
I occasionally work at a lap dance bar which is owned by a friend's brother as a floor security guard. I also have to escort the girls in and out of the changing rooms and if it's busy I help behind the bar with two topless girls.
My house is situated, unusually on a hill in the Cambridgeshire Fens right next to woods and a nature reserve and the farmer's field opposite has huge markets and boot sales in the Summer but only every few weeks. I have my own private road and have just extended the car park to hold another 6 cars.
By now you lot must be pissing yourselves as it looks like some of the unhealthily huge vats of bullshit that appear here.
Old? Fuck off
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 8:52,
archived)
What did Jimi have for breakfast m8?I bet it was something REALLY crazy!
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 9:47,
archived)
I'm on the committee of a growing rock festival m8(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 9:46,
archived)
It's like the Anti-NavySeals Copypastabut designed to send the reader to sleep.
(
Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 9:15,
archived)
I'm an incredibly successful music biz mogulBut I also work part time security at a tit bar. Trouser
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 9:53,
archived)
'spent my youth enjoying copious quantities of free love'= was a roadie for Paul Gadd
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 9:50,
archived)
Can someone add his November b3ta bash to /calendar please, sounds like it's going to be wild!Looking forward to meeting his model fiancée and being treated to some of his hilarious stand up comedy before he whisks us all off to a lapdancing club in his helicopter.
(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 11:28,
archived)
What the fuck is this? Who said this?I DEMAND to know.
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 13:22,
archived)
"Kneecap".It's why Keir Starmer's having them banned, he's insanely jealous.
(, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 17:04, archived)
A few months ago I was out drinking with a couple of mates and we found ourselves in the outside area of a large pub. It was quite a busy evening; there were no tables free so we were stood up by a small outside bar, chatting and smoking, keeping a look out for any tables that happened to be vacated. As I glanced towards the table opposite where we were stood, I saw two males sniff what was probably cocaine off of a card and up into their noses. I quickly looked away; it wasn’t any of my business, but I was surprised at how brazen they had been. I didn’t say anything to either of my mates, but looked over again and realised that both of the males were now approaching me.
As they neared, I remember thinking ‘He we go’. They were ‘proper lads’. You know the type; love boozing and chatting up the ‘birds’, three-styles-in-one haircuts, both dressed in attire usually associated with Jeremy Kyle guests and were walking like constipated apes. Proper-fucking-lads.
“What the fuck you looking at, mate?”
He was quite big, so I pretended I hadn’t seen him.
“Oi, mate. What the fuck were you looking at?”
I turned slowly round to face them.
“Me?” I started, pointing at myself. “Nothing”.
“You fucking what?”
“Nothing”
This went on for a couple of minutes; them asking me what I was looking at, and me responding with the same answer. My mates, ever helpful, stood and watched, sipping their drinks slowly. Eventually the two lads got bored with asking me the same question,
“Right, you little cunt, what’s your fucking name”
With that, the larger of the two grabbed me by my collar and tried to pull me towards him. I stood my ground and for some reason, my Granddad’s (RIP) only ever words of wisdom came into my head – ‘If you’re ever in trouble, act like you’ve got a mental illness’.
Before I could process this thought completely in my head, I felt my mouth open and I started speaking in a posh gentleman’s voice,
“They call me The Mongdaddy, boys. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Sputnik, Cauliflower, Wibble Jib-Jib!”
I extended my hand to the lad who wasn’t trying his best to remove my clothing.
“Mongdaddy? What the fuck are you on, mate”
“Why nothing fellow”, I carried on. Still I kept my posh voice. My mates now had their backs turned to us and were slowly sidestepping away from the scene.
”And it’s The Mongdaddy, parp, parp”.
With that, I pulled my hand down like you do when trying to get a haulage driver to sound his horn. I felt the grip on my collar loosen and the big lad stepped back away from me.
“Are you fucking nuts?”
“Oh God no, treacle pie. The Mongdaddy is perfectly normal. Hoopla-Hoopla, come and play the hoopla! Whistle. Flute. Hairy Biscuit”
I was now doing a small jig on the spot. Out of the corner of my eye I could see a few people watching me. I must have looked like an absolute nut-job.
“Hoopla?” The lads sounded as confused as I was.
“Five attempts for a pound, my dear. Get in the cockpit and roll out the kipper”.
“Fuck off, you freak”
And with that they walked away. I returned to my mates, necked my pint and left for somewhere different.
(, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 9:18, archived)
Probably "Sent".(
Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 12:52,
archived)
cringe is an overused word but if this doesn't induce it you're dead (
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 13:04,
archived)
Yeah. This is one of the worst things I've ever read hereImagine that
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 14:25,
archived)
I reckon what really happened was he got caught staring, the lager boy grabbed him, OP shat himself in fear.The end.
(, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 14:51, archived)
If ANY of that happened at all, this is probably closer to the truth(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 14:54,
archived)
"My mates now had their backs turned to us and were slowly sidestepping away from the scene"Why didn't the stupid cunts forwardstep away? Obviously because none of it happened, but for fuck's sake.
(, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 17:35, archived)
I'm starting a petition to change the name from 'autocorrect' to 'autoincorrect'I'm sick of this function ducking up my texts
(, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 17:47, archived)
This is terrific stuffHave you ever thought about being a comedy writer? Because you could. You're that funny
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 17:54,
archived)
what's the DEAL with DRAKE?? what IS he, a DUCK??/ac
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 20:14,
archived)
Oh no! Auto correct suggested rush in place of cuntSee what I mean?
(, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 18:32, archived)
What an unfortunate name.I mean imagine being called "Geoffrey"!
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 28 Jun 2025, 20:53,
archived)
-autocorrect +arseboon dilbaro-autoincorrect +Semen Khaidenko
(
Cheers Cheers, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 18:19,
archived)
- arseboon dilbaro+ James -Semen Khaidenko + Sub-Prime
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 18:24,
archived)
Duck that rush anywayHopefully he entered a suicide pact with brb
(, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 18:52, archived)
Motherduckers (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 20:02,
archived)
Hey SILLY more like!(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 20:28,
archived)
DYSlexa more like(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 29 Jun 2025, 1:15,
archived)
You should do what the constipated mathematician did m8Work it out with a pencil
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 13:43,
archived)
actually bitch lose the ( and we'll talk yeah IT'S WEIRD (
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 16:08,
archived)
not that anyone cares butthe current state of AI implementation:
AI suggests a reasonable solution to a coding problem
I am too ignorant to understand it and say something stupid like, why can't we just do it by (+ some nonsense)?
AI says, "you're thinking like a professional problem-solver, that is absolutely the most logical way to approach this! Sadly however...." then pretends that although i got it right, the rest of the world has got it wrong, and that's why it won't work.
i am not so fragile that i cannot be told by a fancy encyclopedia that i am factually incorrect or mistaken.
i don't mind if something is presented in a general way so that most people can understand it, but it really makes me tired that things have to be presented in a way that soothes over-sensitive egos.
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 17:03,
archived)
I can't believe you'd say something so hurtful. I thought you were my friend. :(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 28 Jun 2025, 17:40,
archived)
i got something wrong after typing all that shite and it told me it was "peak experimental thinking", i.e. wrong.(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 18:32,
archived)
tied up with string, these are a few of my favorite things(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 13:42,
archived)
Fucking hellAlannis Morisette has still got a helluva set of pipes on her, but she's got all the harmonica skills of a Henry The Hoover.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 11:27,
archived)
some people like rain did you think of that? no (
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 13:22,
archived)
I do remember thinking that the harmonica solo on 'Hand in My Pocket' was distinctly crap.(
.Yeti., Sat 28 Jun 2025, 12:00,
archived)
Glastonbury is for blobbing birds and woofters(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 12:14,
archived)
Having just seen the crowd at the 1975 setYou are indeed spot on with this comment
(, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 13:09, archived)
Managed to get a good sweep of iPlayer sets yesterday, En Vogue were good value.Wet Leg can fuck off.
(, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 21:57, archived)
if you think the og Alanis is awfulsee how long you can stand this:
m.youtube.com/watch?v=oGzfJFpGIDI
(, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 14:31, archived)
what is that? i don't know i looked it up, on my new ipad, there were songs in ted lasso? i had no idea
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 14:37,
archived)
the forum looks much more exciting and fun on my new ipadsent from my new ipad
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 13:21,
archived)
hold on i'm just getting a message on my new ipadoh it's you. yes, yes i did
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 13:38,
archived)
I feel like it's been a wee while since anyone saidCUNTOX SHITEVULTURE DOGSTAIN DICKWIPE POOPY
(
Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 22:05,
archived)
Nah mate, I heard someone say that this afternoon.(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 22:10,
archived)
I feel like it's been a long road Getting from there to here
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 11:32,
archived)
Alright Rod Stewart or Scott Bakula depending on your point of reference for that song(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 13:09,
archived)
i feel like it's a long time since anyone has said pissflaps(
MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 18:37,
archived)
LOLThe labia majora are the two large, outer folds of skin that surround the vulva, the external female genitalia. They extend from the mons pubis down to the perineum and contain sebaceous glands, sweat glands, and, after puberty, pubic hair. The labia majora are essentially the "outer lips" of the vulva, serving to protect the more delicate inner structures.
(, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 19:43, archived)
Good, stupid woke nonsense it was anyway, glad we've done away with it. #MGBGA(, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 19:54, archived)
Hullo you sub-Prime shithead'sI fancy a curry l8r
u
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 11:33,
archived)
Whomst do you have lined up to be your, er aha aha ha, "wingman"?(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 27 Jun 2025, 16:35,
archived)
i made the garter snake thing up. i'm well lollol
(
MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Mon 30 Jun 2025, 15:55,
archived)
You’ve got yourself a confirm!What do you think of my nouning?
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 19:36,
archived)
Gonna steal fizzy lifting drinks from some cunt named Wonka(
Cheers Cheers, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 11:58,
archived)
Gonna smoke some massive drugs mate.Massive.
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 12:02,
archived)
Samesies m8I have some old skool silver haze which is exactly what I want from a smoke, not too mental, tastes great
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 12:53,
archived)
Gonna drink some Cans Blix?(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 12:53,
archived)
You'll be on your Hans and knees by teatime m8(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 12:55,
archived)
Please everyoneA former head of the International Atomic Energy Agency has just turned 97
Show a bit of decorum
(
$$ ✅, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 13:47,
archived)
Isn't it tomorrow?(
Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 14:03,
archived)
Party got moved to today m8You must have missed the group chat update
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 15:08,
archived)
No decorum on de forum(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 14:32,
archived)
Calm down, Lurkio (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 14:56,
archived)
Let's get fucking SHREKKED(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 13:02,
archived)
Wife wanted to go out for lunch,so I just had the curry of the day. Thai green style chicken, very tasty pub grub
(, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 15:03, archived)
I'd say that I prefer a jungle curry but I would'nt want to upset [redacted]So I won't
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 15:06,
archived)
He's still on /board and /links,dunno if he's banned from here or if he finally realised it wasn't for him.
(, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 16:08, archived)
Maybe yours will catch - ah fuck it, none of the Ians are ever catching anything.(, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 19:29, archived)
High queefs, I also fancy a curry later, haha we're like braters from other mater's haha(
broadsword, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 17:46,
archived)
I watched Zero Day this week, thought it was decentIt's a series about how many friends you have
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 18:28,
archived)
Morning it is.And a decent one, at that.
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 7:47,
archived)
At which point it became FUCKING MARVELLOUS.(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 8:17,
archived)
Wipe,wipe,wipe until the brown turns red.(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 11:45,
archived)
Mrs Wizard is playing old Final Fantasy games on our big tellyIt's a waste of pixels
(
Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Thu 26 Jun 2025, 19:07,
archived)
Nice one Adrian, that's the next Guardian article sorted(
broadsword, Thu 26 Jun 2025, 19:34,
archived)
Old like PS1-eraor old like FF2 or something?
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 26 Jun 2025, 20:32,
archived)
I dunno, all blocky and pixelly and stuff(
Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Thu 26 Jun 2025, 20:43,
archived)
It sounds like a correct and appropriate use of pixels to me, not a waste.They’re your pixels though, so I guess you have the final say.
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 26 Jun 2025, 20:48,
archived)
the terror of a tape loading error!(
MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Thu 26 Jun 2025, 21:44,
archived)
It’s a great day for spitting!(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 26 Jun 2025, 22:58,
archived)
That’s no way to talk about your wife. A waste of pixels…really.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2025, 21:38, archived)
Just put me on ignore Your username does bring back some very comforting memories for me though so I would rather you didn’t
(, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 0:32, archived)
Someone should have said something!(
Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 26 Jun 2025, 15:18,
archived)
This is /talk, no-one ever says anything.(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 26 Jun 2025, 16:27,
archived)
Shit, you got me on a technicality there. (
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 26 Jun 2025, 20:31,
archived)
Hey, you can't say Hitler!Oh shit, I just said Hitler!
(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 26 Jun 2025, 19:39,
archived)
Wangslydale(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 26 Jun 2025, 19:45,
archived)
when I asked about the vegan option someone groaned, why, why did they groan(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 26 Jun 2025, 16:32,
archived)
that's a delicious traditional vegetable stew i believe?(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 26 Jun 2025, 19:51,
archived)
Probably because they're the kind of cunt that thinks the "how do you know if someone is a vegan?" joke is funny,I'm not a vegan myself but I am against the consumption of tired jokes.
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 26 Jun 2025, 16:45,
archived)
I think I've been quite outspoken in my disdain for this shithole.(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 27 Jun 2025, 10:03,
archived)
I've had a jay on my fat balls multiple times today.(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 26 Jun 2025, 16:45,
archived)
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