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# I WENT TO BALDMONKEYS: a true story


(I helped save b3ta! hexachordal la la la la la, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:32, archived)
# very informative
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:33, archived)
#
pwned
(I helped save b3ta! Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:40, archived)
# Very lovely.
(I helped save b3ta! DogHorse plop, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:34, archived)
# Hello Dog
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:34, archived)
# Hello Bilb.
(I helped save b3ta! DogHorse plop, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:36, archived)
# Hello City
Goodbye Nightclub

...or something.
(I helped save b3ta! hexachordal la la la la la, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:36, archived)
# Hello Sam
Goodbye Samantha.

Or Vice versa. Cliff Richard is such a twat.
(I helped save b3ta! DogHorse plop, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:38, archived)
# sorry missed first one
what have you done with Shannon?
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:39, archived)
# I've been through Shannon.



On my way to Limerick.
(I helped save b3ta! DogHorse plop, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:41, archived)
# Actually, I'm probably on the wanted list now,
as I failed to put my bin out on Monday.
(I helped save b3ta! DogHorse plop, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:44, archived)
# :(
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:45, archived)
# he DIDN'T rape you....
*deletes bald monkeys gaz*
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:35, archived)
# Herro Ivesb!
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:35, archived)
# word samster!
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:36, archived)
# The above story has inspired me.
Hey, Mr. Ives, wanna go to the pub and rape?
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:39, archived)
# sure!
can you get down to fareham and i will, or will not, bring the lube!
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:41, archived)
# I've been informed that that's 66.2 miles away.
An hour and a half. *hmmm*
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:43, archived)
# took me three hours to get to fucking portsmouth and southsea
So go and do it. Now.
(I helped save b3ta! hexachordal la la la la la, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:44, archived)
# aha!
but i'm in fareham.
much easier to get to.
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:45, archived)
# *waggles eyebrows*
*leers*
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:45, archived)
# *blushes*
NOT TODAY, MATEY, BUT ONE DAY, WHEN MONEY IS BOUNTIFUL, I WILL BUY YOU A STRONGBOW AND BEAT YOU AT POOL.
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:49, archived)
# for a pint of strongbow you can beat me at anything...
=D
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:50, archived)
# Haha!
*plots*

I fear for the safety of all others though. 2 red headed, Strongbow drinking, slightly bearded B3tans in the same county. Can't be good for the environment, Shirley?
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:55, archived)
# we'll be running the place with an iron fist after an hour.
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:56, archived)
# I'D GO FOR THE RAPE EXCLUSIVELY.
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:35, archived)
# Too bad the Model Village was closed
I hear they take all their clothes off in the Supermodel wing of the building.
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:35, archived)
# arf!
i didn't even know portsmouth HAD a model village!
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:37, archived)
# apparently it's excrutiatingly shit to the point of hilarity
which is what the natural history museum was as well... the final room had that old favourite exhibit where a sign next to a mirrored window says 'this is the most dangerous of all animals in the world, click the switch to see more' and it just turns on a light, because YOU'RE THE MOST DANGEROUS LOL

We found this to be hilarious seeing as they were the ones who had just filled room after room with dead animals.
(I helped save b3ta! hexachordal la la la la la, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:39, archived)
# hahaha!!
*crosses that off the list of things to do*
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:42, archived)
# TURNS OUT IT'S MAN!
(I helped save b3ta! The Alchemist king of the needlessly complicated, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:55, archived)
# stay tuned
for more TALES OF INTEREST!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:01, archived)
# not me!!
i wouldn't hurt a fly!!
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:03, archived)
# Check and see if he's wearing his steelies
before you trust him on that little lie.
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:04, archived)
# *hoofs herffrey in the nuts*
can you tell if i am or not?
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:06, archived)
# definitely felt more like penny loafers
I could feel individual toes.
/ curls up and dies....
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:09, archived)
# Good morning, Ivesb!
I promise I've left my brass knuckles home if you've kept your steelies in the closet today.
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:39, archived)
# they are locked securely away....
this lead pipe however..

*attaches lead pipe to heffreys water supply*
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:43, archived)
# nnhh. Mmmmmnnggggg
Lead seems to be having the desired effect.
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:49, archived)
# haha!!
heff..
HEFF!
give me your dollars!
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:51, archived)
# Have 'em.
They ain't worth crap nowadays anyhow...
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:52, archived)
# cheers mate!
we've run out of loo roll...
=D
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:54, archived)
# touche...
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:57, archived)
# i'm not touching that..
oh, ok then..
ERK!!
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:01, archived)
# why go there
if not for rapings?
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:36, archived)
# psst
relative to your post count
www.b3ta.com/board/8103534
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:38, archived)
# BRN?
slight ris here
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:40, archived)
# Big Round Number
5000, didn't you say?
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:42, archived)
# yes
but now it's over 7000
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:47, archived)
# so the question was ...
Did I miss a big round number post?
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:50, archived)
# yes
it was boobs, i believe.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:52, archived)
# he wants to know if he can see your titties please
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:51, archived)
# not yet
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:53, archived)
# Thank you for clearing that up.
I guess I'm just too fucking polite on an open forum to come right out and be fucking rude about it.

: p
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:53, archived)
# you can't use subtlety here!!
get yer cock out man!!
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:55, archived)
# they were merely fakes
pink circles with a slightly darker bit in the middle.
if you wait until i hit my 10000, you can see the real ones...
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:56, archived)
# /waits
...

Come on! Hurry up!!
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:59, archived)
# patience, grasshopper
i'm deciding if i should do this pic popping up from behind the kitchen table or leaning over the bed.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:03, archived)
# ...so are you saying there's an element of requestage at work here?
'cuz I could drown you in requests!
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:05, archived)
# *restrains*
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:07, archived)
# very well.
i am now taking requests. where in my house would you like me to pose with bare norks?
the bath is right out, it's tiny.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:12, archived)
# I'd have to scout out locations at your house.
When are you available for showings?
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:14, archived)
# use your imagination, man!
pretend you're doing a photoshoot for brazilian bra-busting bazookas magazine. which setting would work best?
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:18, archived)
# Oh! Then definitely strapped into a corset
...whilst hanging in gravity boots. That'll do!
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:20, archived)
# i have neither corset nor gravity boots
will skimpy negligee do?
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:23, archived)
# Depends - Are you going to wear it?
...or leave it on the floor?
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:25, archived)
# a little from column A
a little from column B...
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:29, archived)
# Color?
Red grabs attention, but black is so much classier.
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:31, archived)
# Always black.
/2 pence
(I helped save b3ta! my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:36, archived)
# black, of course
with a tiny claret-red bow
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:37, archived)
# Perfect!
I'll be over with my cannon Canon later!
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:40, archived)
# this truly is a remarkable amount of information crammed into a small space
RECOMMENDED A++++ WOULD READ AGAIN
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:36, archived)
# Ha ha ha!
Lovely.
(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:36, archived)
# Hoorah!
That looks like a fun journey! I like the third frame of waiting on the train. xp
EDIT: Also I like that Baldmonkey's face stays the same. :]
(I helped save b3ta! Killerkitti Like my coffee black, just like my metal, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:37, archived)
#
there were bloodied legs in the tea?
(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:37, archived)
# It was the....
the film was a...
y'see, I...

never mind.
(I helped save b3ta! hexachordal la la la la la, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:38, archived)
# thought so
(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:45, archived)
# This is a thing of glee
made of jollecules
(I helped save b3ta! Mr.Ons knows you can hear him, Earthmen., Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:37, archived)
# this is nice
but meeting strangers from the internet is bad, next time meet in a more public place, like Southampton or Bognor Regis.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:37, archived)
# any chance of you getting over for jessies october bash?
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:38, archived)
# *pricks ears*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:39, archived)
# *pricks arse*
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:41, archived)
# Your wantage of my arse is palpable, even from here.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:42, archived)
# Wantage is indeed arse
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:44, archived)
# I have never been.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:46, archived)
# *commanding voice*
YOU MUST COME TO THE BASH
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:46, archived)
# I'll see what I can do.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:48, archived)
# YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:49, archived)
# i'd say unlikely
my viva for my phd is in october and i wont find out exactly when it is til about the end of june. :(
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:40, archived)
# I HATE YOU!!!
*runs off crying*
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:44, archived)
# haha
I'll tell you in summer whether ill make it. If it's before the viva, then no chance, after it, then there's a chance, but the new term will have started, and if I still have a job here, I will be required to be working. I shall try.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:46, archived)
# Do you not get annual leave like normal people?
*chips in*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:47, archived)
# 25 days a year.
most of which will be used up by summer hols... although perhaps not this year...
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:49, archived)
# 25?
/jealouses.
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:50, archived)
# i get 290 1/2 hours
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:53, archived)
# get tae fook!
Besides 12 days of predetermined national holidays,
I only get ten days a year.
If I fake illness well enough,
I might be able to add a couple days here and there.
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:56, archived)
# haha!!
and i get sick leave,
carers leave,
dependants leave
i also got paternity leave when the nipper was born!
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:12, archived)
# I made sure I took dad's leave for the nippers too.
Actually, come to think of it, that was taken out of my petty allocation of vacation days.
Damn - I've been ripped off this whole time!!
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:16, archived)
# don't you lucky Americans get something stupid like 10 days?
I just make mine up, cos my boss can never remember

I haven't been to the office for 3 weeks and she hasn't noticed
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:57, archived)
# perhaps...
you've been replaced?
(I helped save b3ta! Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:00, archived)
# it could be
but then I've got another job on the side anyway :)
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:02, archived)
# That's more than me.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:52, archived)
# yes
but i live in germany, any trip home is minus 2 days because of travelling. meh, 25 days isnt enough.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:55, archived)
# This is true.
I forgot about travel.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:56, archived)
# thats good enough for me!
*rubs thighs*
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:47, archived)
# Hahaha
I was reading down and getting towards the end with no mention of a pub. I have to admit I was getting worried:P
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:38, archived)
# and then TWO CAME! :D
It was past midday, and we hadn't yet BEEN to a pub. I was worried too.
(I helped save b3ta! hexachordal la la la la la, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:41, archived)
# that's awesome.
(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:38, archived)
# I'd have raped you.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:39, archived)
# Well there you go.
A heart warming tale, beautifully executed.
(I helped save b3ta! Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:39, archived)
# I want Baldmonkey to be my friend
(I helped save b3ta! hanke murphy, I'm a mess, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:40, archived)
# ^ this
(tieQ Smallbrainfield is my hero., Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:42, archived)
# sounds like he was grooming you, but failed.
I like your new CD btw, came yesterday ta!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! a username Tue 30 Mar 1971 til, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:43, archived)
# you didn't talk about me?
YOU UTTER SHITS!
(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:50, archived)
# I'm sure they were thinking of you as they made sweet, sweet love.
(I helped save b3ta! my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:52, archived)
# they passed notes to each other under the table
in invisible ink
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:55, archived)
# dirty bastards
(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:57, archived)
# Did he rape you?
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 13:55, archived)
# This is full of useful facts
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 14:16, archived)