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Who saw the 'fucking' tourettes programme last 'fucking' night?

What did I 'fucking' miss?

(

Your Mum, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:09, archived)

you missed a rather interesting and thought provoking programme

with few laughs.

(

rob, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:10, archived)

hold ARSE! tight

you ARSE! didn't miss ARSE! a thing. FUCKING WELSH TWAT! been back to stingfellows yet?

(

big daft dave, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:26, archived)

Might go again on Saturday if I'm invited

However I've been invited to the countryside (Cambridge) to watch the Grand Prix. What is a boy to do? I'll get that bird around at the weekend and put home cookin' inside her. If she don't want me after that, she's a lesbian. For sure jah. I know you've been tempted each time I've cooked for you. I have that power - A SEXUAL KITCHEN WIZARD!!!!!!

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Your Mum, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:40, archived)

Going to cambridge?

Watch out for you know who...

Cambridge Bloke!

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Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:50, archived)

Stephen Hawking?

He's let himself go. *insert wheelchair brake joke here*

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Your Mum, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 11:34, archived)

MMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmm

i cooked the finest tuna steaks last night. i refused my housemate any cos "if she ate any she would fall in love with me". If your lady is a lezzer she has the job all lezzers would kill for.

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big daft dave, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 11:02, archived)

I tried applying for the 'house mother' job myself

All you have to do is make sure the girls aren't too drunk and are wearing the right pants. Apparently I have to be gay though. I tried acting gay *throws both wrists forward in a queeny way* Apparently my 'trouser area' gave the game away.
You refused your housmate Tuna cos you big fatty! There is no love motive in this one. Fatty Boom -boom! I want some tuna now.

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Your Mum, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 11:08, archived)

have you only just got up?

we've been talking about that for ages... c'mon, view older posts, you know you want to...

(

pep, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:14, archived)

Fair enough. I've been 'sans web' for most of the day

It does happen. I'm not a modem.

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Your Mum, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:16, archived)

I'll let you off.

When i saw you were my mum, I assumed you were. She is you know.
:)

(

pep, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:27, archived)

Just goes to show

what b3ta can do for you

(

MartinH, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:05, archived)

They're only

after him for his scooter!

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Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:39, archived)

egocentrically, it's a picture of me in my own scanner.

After I did this, my scanner no longer had glass in it.
Luckily I now have my girlfriend's scanner and look forward to scanning house-bricks, power-tools, large wire brushes and the like.

(

izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:01, archived)

there's a picture of me

like that, uo where i used to work. I look like I'm drowning cuz I've got long hair and it looks like it's floating.
Good work, and a scanner well ruined. woo.

(

pep, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:08, archived)

Ages ago

I scanned my entire body. You can zoom in on the head. I got bored and never finished it.

(

crab_bloke), Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:16, archived)

woo!

that's so cool. you should finish it. you really should.

(

izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:21, archived)

It took so long

to do the internal structure thingy and the head zoom stuff that I couldn't really face finishing it off- I was going to have it so you could zoom in to each area of the body originally, but it's really time-consuming.

(

crab_bloke), Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:37, archived)

I remember finding a webite a few years ago

where this guy scanned in everything from his bedroom.
It was really cool, and you know something - I'm gonna go find it right now.

(SparkyLove, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:19, archived)

life expectancy calculator

(james, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 9:57, archived)

uh oh

I've only got 20,996 days left to live.

(

pep, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:05, archived)

"You should die on Saturday September 01, 2057 at 11:29:28 AM."

Bloody hell, talk about breaking it to me gently.

(

izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:07, archived)

do you think you'll

have any money on you? Where do you think you might be?

(

pep, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:13, archived)

hope not

probably in a jar, preparing to be frozen.

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izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:14, archived)

damn.

worth a try tho.
So you fancy being frozen then?

(

pep, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:16, archived)

only when dead.

or perhaps catapulted into the centre of some major city at christmas from several miles away.

(

izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:18, archived)

Monday February 13, 2068 at 11:57:07 AM.

I'll be 88, so I'm pretty happy with that. I'll probably be senile, yay.

(SparkyLove, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:39, archived)

Or as one of my colleagues who had 8 months less than me said...

'congratulations, you've got an extra 8 months of dribbling and having your arse wiped by strangers'

(

izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:47, archived)

Bugger

I'm set to go at 11:23:13 am on Monday April 17th, 2056.

Not only is that the day before my g/f's birthday (nice present), I'll miss lunch.

(

chthonic, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 11:02, archived)

Re: The Jonathan King case

... Adobe have been called in for questioning about their links to PDF files.

(

rob, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 9:34, archived)

Ba-boom...

..tsk. Sometime I hate getting geek jokes.
"Two Nuns and an Imac go to the pub..."

(

Your Mum, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:06, archived)

Saving Mr Emerson

My BIG idea:- Born Slippery: a flash game for none of the family. Take control of the rubber-gloved midwifes hands and catch young Emersons as they emerge into the world and cradle them to waitting 'developemnt chambers' (cots). Drop the youngsters and the background tunes degrade from Underworld tracks to cheesy trance to Rick Astley etc. Can you save us from pop?

(Steve Hayward, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 9:17, archived)

aneraseroflove...

are you there?

(

pep, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 9:56, archived)

Hello

Can't be on for long. At a new client and am unsure how keen they are for me to peruse the joys of b3ta.

What's all this about Mr Emerson and his web site? Is crab_bloke going to leave us and toddle off with his new celeb mates *sob*.

It's funny, logging on to b3ta for the first time in two weeks and seeing me name.

(aneraseroflove excuse me...i have to go to space now, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:52, archived)

well,

you have been missed.
(but don't get the sack!)

(

pep, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:56, archived)

A quick artist impression of me and mike

bare knuckle fighting in a carpark.

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Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 9:14, archived)

Blimey...

Po's let herself go...

Tubby bye bye!

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 9:08, archived)

how did you do the

colourisation on the pants there?

(

witchy is covered in BEES, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:56, archived)

Very badly

But I used the paintbrush in "Soft Light" mode.

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 11:12, archived)

aaaaah!

Smart.

(

witchy is covered in BEES, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 11:27, archived)

This hardly

seems in the b3ta spirit
now does it?

(

Stella_R_Twa, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:56, archived)

can anyone find a photo?

ananova rewrite newsfeeds, and probably havn't bought the rights to a piccy, but there must be one out there.

(

rob, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 9:00, archived)

i'll have a look...

I've got a few connections at some news agencys... i'll see if they have any... ;o)

(

andy206, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 9:14, archived)

damn

no luck!

(

andy206, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 9:59, archived)

vanillaicespeedskating

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popt_art, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:47, archived)

vanilla ice skating

ice ice baby

(

popt_art, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:45, archived)

Shaft_Mouse

Fat Mouse meets Shaft

(Dan Jackson, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:44, archived)

rudolf the bog eyed reindeer

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big daft dave, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:26, archived)

I can see why the

other reindeer wouldn't let him join in any of their reindeer games.

He couldn't hit a ball straight if he tried.

(

chthonic, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:59, archived)

It's eyes are like

Kym's from HearSay.

(

Your Mum, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 10:04, archived)

Majorca in October

gets colder and more dangerous every year........

And yes, that IS me in the pool!

(

Watty, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:03, archived)

What sharp teeth you have

(

mrbrong, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:09, archived)

The Amazing Adrenalini Brothers

This is the new one from Dan Chambers, the bloke who did the Pygmy Shrew.

www.adrenalini.com/ep3.html

(Sheb Hauser, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:02, archived)

If I was a Red Indian

my name would be 'Doesn't Have Sex'.

(

mikeisbrill, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 7:52, archived)

i heard you were looking for some minge dribble

maybe save your pennies and buy a real doll

it'll be worth it in the end

(

Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 7:57, archived)

minge dribble?

revolting child.

(

rob, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 7:58, archived)

saints alive, I've

only just eaten aswell.
ack.

(

pep, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:01, archived)

eaten

what?

(

mikeisbrill, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:02, archived)

monge was a cat froman earlier post

who had been stoved in the head and was a bit brain damaged, which ment he dribbled, mike commented that it had been a while sisnce he had had any of that dribble.

i presumed that he had not seen said cat in a long time.

honestly the way some peoples minds work, sickening

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Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:03, archived)

don't lie thor

you pervert.

(

mikeisbrill, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:07, archived)

but a pervert

whos haveing regular sex ;)

(sorry low blow but i couldn't think of anything witty)

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Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:17, archived)

you bastard

i hope she's ugly.

sorry thats harsh.

(

mikeisbrill, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:21, archived)

fight! fight! fight! fight!

Does B3ta have a carpark?

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Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:25, archived)

i'm stripped to the waist

ready for a bare knuckle bout of the century, all proceeds go to the savior of b3ta on the web, buy your tickets now.

(

Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:27, archived)

Stripped to the waist

from which end? :)

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Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:29, archived)

you don't wanna know

which end im stripped from.

(

mikeisbrill, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:30, archived)

well i was called a pervert

so i'll leave it up to your imagination, maybe you can photo shop the bout.

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Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:31, archived)

He really is

walking around the office showing his boy hood (trust me, you couldn't call it manhood)

(

Andi is member 695 so have some damn respect, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:49, archived)

children?

what's all this smutty stuff.

(

rob, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 9:05, archived)

ain't nothing to do with me sir

it was all mikes fault, he started it.

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Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 9:16, archived)

I just did what Roy Walker told me to

"Say what you see, you big hairy monkey"

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Andi is member 695 so have some damn respect, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 9:18, archived)

eeeeuuurgh

those are nightmare material

(

mikeisbrill, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:01, archived)

but i feel strangle intregued

as to what must be like. there are peopl who collect these things and spend thousands of $$$$$ on them.

strangly inreguing (sorry for the crap spelling)

(

Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:14, archived)

Better still...

Buy a RealHamster

(

man/child/goblin should be old enough to know better by now, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:01, archived)

i just might

do that. the streaming lithographs are quite enticing too.

(

mikeisbrill, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:03, archived)

meet a satisfied owner

erm, not me - this guy:
http://www.geocities.com/gordongriggs/WhyIownaRealdoll.html

(

Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:09, archived)

if the doll aint nightmare material

the owner is.

(

mikeisbrill, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:18, archived)

not only, but also - meet the Real Doll Repairman

His surgery is particularly enlightening

I'm wondering exactly what happened here, but something tells me I don't really want to know:
http://www.sladesworld.com/leg07.jpg

[image removed is even though it isn't porn, from accros the office it looks a lot like it]

(

Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:15, archived)

you

talkin' to me?

(redifusion, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 7:51, archived)

I don't see anyone else round here

(

thorpe www.voodootrombonequartet.com, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:02, archived)

I cant...

stop laughing....

(Jamsie, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 8:16, archived)

I just got a fax

with the title

"Puppies Wrapped In Clingfilm"

I thought they were selling at first.

(

PeterSeychelles, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 7:32, archived)

related to

this?

(

rob, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 7:38, archived)

Yep, that's it.

The owner got 100 hours community service.

This fax wants you to send a reply to say the sentence should have been longer (at £1.50 per minute).

(

PeterSeychelles, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 7:43, archived)

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