
"In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, in order to contribute something to solve overpopulation"
- Prince Philip
REPORTED BY DEUTSCHE PRESS AGENTUR (DPA)
AUGUST 1988
www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9s_GbRna8M
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 23:52, Reply)

It's a breast cancer site. With thousands of pictures of bare breasts.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 23:15, Reply)

Most of these pictures are from women who had had breast cancer. That's why you'll notice some have had mastectomies (whole breast removed) and some have had lumpectomies (breast partially removed).
Is this turns you on, then go ahead, but this site certainly isn't designed for little pervs to wank over.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 23:43, Reply)

But b3ta is a site renowned for sick humour. Hence the sick humourous spin. I'll have a one-way ticket to Hull, at least there'll be lots of b3tans there.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 23:52, Reply)

that Mookay isn't familiar with GMF's main body of work here...
Just a chance, that's all I'm saying.
( , Mon 14 Jan 2008, 1:13, Reply)

i say whatever drops the taboos about it helps us all. and very likely the people contributing to the linked site are aware that some outreach can be beneficial after a few pervs and jokesters have had their go.
eh, whatever way we can educate, we may use.
( , Mon 14 Jan 2008, 8:09, Reply)

get this crazy notion that simply covering their nipples makes anything any less erotic
( , Mon 14 Jan 2008, 0:01, Reply)

Since apparently not all of you have heard of this hip new religion, here's a quick guide.
See also: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_spaghetti_monster
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 23:06, Reply)

tis old and its great
ALL HAIL SPEGGETTI MONSTER
(and hypno toad)
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 23:30, Reply)

a proper religion until people have been put to death in its name.
( , Mon 14 Jan 2008, 1:10, Reply)

I probably should have linked to it when I did the flying spaghetti crab piece of trash, but html was never my strong point. It's lucky I know how to type to be honest.
( , Mon 14 Jan 2008, 15:09, Reply)

For the smokers on b3ta, this is my video demonstrating the easy way to make hash from the THC deposits in the bottom of your grinder. . .
I made this = Music by me
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 22:21, Reply)

good vid buddy!!!
no im not growing, its just very potant. that is a good tip, how long in the strightners for?
also, have yo got a mp3 version of track?? final question, where and how much was grinder?
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 22:23, Reply)

but the grinders go for £50-60 quid in most head shops. . . I got mine in a tourist shop opposite White Chapel hospital...
hair straighteners get pretty hot so no more than 5 or 10 minutes. Pressure is the key thing. You need to squeeze it in a vice or press for as long as you can wait before consumption.
Gaz us if you want the tune BTW... or use vconvert.net/
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 22:47, Reply)

nice music to!
got some seeds waiting to be grown here, been a while! (last crop was some afghani (yum yum yum)... ;)
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 22:28, Reply)

I could scrape it out, and skin it up about 5 minutes after I've run out of weed.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 22:49, Reply)

and he said he made it himself, using some kind of filter to get rid of the plant matter before pressing / heating.
I'm inclined to believe him purely on the quality of his stuff.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 22:53, Reply)

Its a very simple process if you have lots and lots of plant matter that you can afford to waste in an extravagant manner. The results are quite spectacular though.
( , Tue 15 Jan 2008, 2:14, Reply)

also, you seem like a man of my calibre... www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/11413
( , Mon 14 Jan 2008, 14:26, Reply)

possibly the most wonderful thing ever on a Sunday night...here he expounds on the meaning of life and erm other stuff...
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 22:04, Reply)

I want to be his mate. Don't do drugs kids.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 22:35, Reply)

I don't endorse this kind of thing, but I stand by my creed of "there is nothing funnier than the less fortunate"
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 22:03, Reply)

Ebaums World - Check
Very Fake - Check
Shite - Check...
you're new here aren't you?
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 22:18, Reply)

Very new - check
Knew it was fake - check
Still laughed - check
Going to hell - check
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 22:20, Reply)

but her face is amusing!
nice check list by the way!
edit: www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Uppercunt
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 22:34, Reply)

A stop motion thing filmed with assorted crap from around my kitchen.
From my housemates Matt, Matt, Carlton and Paul.
My housemates used a digital camera on a tripod and did it all frame by frame, it's mostly experimental nonsense so far but I think it's pretty awesome
for the first mini film they have done.
Appreciate feedback for comments and that for them!
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 21:34, Reply)

nice picture being drawn in there as well.
huge well done!!
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 22:08, Reply)

i realy enjoyed it music was went well , set a dream like tone
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 22:19, Reply)

See Sir Cliff do an interesting take on an old classic of his.
Edit: You need to click the link. Embeddy no worky.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 20:00, Reply)

That is easily some of the Best lip-synching I've ever seen.
Well, best quality, but in comparison some of the lip-synching is better skill, 'cos it is the same song, after all.
*click!!1!*
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 21:15, Reply)

Is it a Comedy Night for Mongs?
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 18:57, Reply)

Unless he adds his own canned laughter when putting on the video. Thing is, he never even replies. You can insult him all you like, because he doesn't read the comments. HE IS A MONGY MONG.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 19:05, Reply)

ban him before I rape his daughter in the arse with a plank of wood with a nail in it.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 19:06, Reply)

click to ignore this chap who clearly has no idea what b3ta is all about
Thanks
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 19:12, Reply)

For a start, he doesn't come across as wanting to engage and entertain an audience,
rather he wants to tell jokes as if the audience were his 'mates' and they'll laugh anyway.
I can only assume the audience are his mates or indeed family.
Also, please tell him to stand still at some point and deliver the jokes to the audience, not just let them tumble out.
Also: what's up with the neck and arm?
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 19:51, Reply)

that's easy.
Have you seen it ? have you seen it ? wheres me washboard ? etc
/the fast show - something actually funny which is more than be said for nicholas.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 20:06, Reply)

you are in fact anti-humour personified.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 20:04, Reply)

that people who are indeed older on here, DONT laugh at this.
dont ban him, i like the banter, even if he does deserves to bastwanked across the face
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 21:05, Reply)

I read the replies and thought "naaaaah it can't be that bad, give it a go..."
If there are jokes in there, I'm just not hearing them.
( , Mon 14 Jan 2008, 4:05, Reply)

and m ore acrobatics !
dead clever idea
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 18:59, Reply)

Honest.
Sounds like the kind of twisted thing one of us would create, but appears to be genuine
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 17:58, Reply)

I saw them on sale yesterday. I was somewhat perplexed, I must admit.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 19:22, Reply)

I have a jar in the fridge and without a doubt they are the best pickled onions I have EVER tasted!
And I am a bit of a pickled onion addict.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 19:33, Reply)

along with my Reggae Raggae Sauce...which i must try one of these days...
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 20:19, Reply)

Pickled onions are the work of satan himself.
And Barry Norman
( , Mon 14 Jan 2008, 8:33, Reply)

I bought my mum a massive jar of these for Christmas from Sainsburys - she was somewhat perplexed but ate the lot.
( , Mon 14 Jan 2008, 14:23, Reply)

Marc Wootton presents a gallery of delusional characters in a new comedy sketch show for BBC Three.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 17:31, Reply)

true to some of the despicable parenting programme tv consider entertainment.
I loved his bestfriends thing.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 17:48, Reply)

'cause the softy softy liberal approach has done wonders for the kids these days, hasn't it?
Bring back caning in schools I say. Would bring the little shits back into line quick sharp.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 22:37, Reply)

Deplorably bad comedy sketch-show that I caught on TV last night, could easily be a black version of the sitcom in Extras. From the few sketches I watched, Little Miss Jocelyn achieves the impressive feat of outshining even Catherine Tate for crass, unfunny eye-gruel by adding into the mix (and repeating ad nauseum) slapstick cultural misunderstandings as per the worst bits of 'Goodness Gracious Me' (albeit apparently written by the mentally subnormal in this case). The main counter-criticism seems to be that white people just "don't get it", which kind of suggests that the extent of black comedy is littering sentences with a liberal smattering of 'claats' and other patois. This isn't true in the slightest - this tat is degrading and mindless in a way that no comedy should be. It's a tender subject, but this has the hallmarks of a poorly thought-out BBC commission to appeal to the "ethnic" viewers - which is incredibly condescending at best. There are far more deserving comedians out there from minority backgrounds; pretty much anyone who hadn't undergone a humour lobotomy would do I suppose.
/end rant
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 16:39, Reply)

doesn't do it any justice either.
it always annoys me immensely.
theres one on an Alan Partridge DVD I've got, it completely ruins it.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 16:45, Reply)

at some points i can barely hear the actuall show for the laughter, maybe its just my crap speakers, but from what i can hear, im not missing out on anything
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 17:05, Reply)

at the BBC should ban laughing tracks.
anyone that needs to be told when to laugh shouldn't be watching TV
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 17:17, Reply)

A cavalcade of sketches featuring loud two-dimensional characters in similar situations without the half-decency to come up with a decent, memorable catchphrase. The preview consists of her being loud. Every character is the same. The show is shit.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 16:47, Reply)

No- Its just shit, the main joke is "I'm black isn't that funny"
Even Lenny Henry is funnier than this crap
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 18:34, Reply)

Little Miss Jocelyn is upsettingly bad. I mean it, it's really depressing that things like this can be put out by the BBC (second series! Seriously!). This can mean one of two things: One, there is no talent in British comedy at the moment or two, there is and it's being ignored in favour of this shite. Sadly, I think it's the latter.
Having said that, I can't quite muster up the same hatred for 'Little Miss Jocelyn' as I can for Catherine Tate. This is probably just a personal thing, but both of them are as tear-inducingly bad as each other.
Oh, and I must defend Extras: it's only bad by Ricky Gervais' standards. Compared to the wealth of rubbish that clogs my TV screen, it's a refreshing to see a comedy that's at least a little bit funny, has a message and avoids the use of a laughter track...
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 18:47, Reply)

not the actual show Extras.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 19:25, Reply)

that there are some geniunely funny new black talents in britain. Sadly, UK TV only seems to give shows to unfunny cunts like this.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 18:52, Reply)

Enjoy, you mother lovers!
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 16:37, Reply)

I remember how that stuck in my head the first time around when I was about 10.
now I'm going to be humming it for next month or so. thanks a lot!
give me some Benny Hill now to equalize it.
(or The Tomorrow People theme)
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 16:33, Reply)

.. I never remember that one.
must have been from up north or somet.
/ducks
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 16:39, Reply)

Sue Pollard who I drunkenly met in a pub in Glasgow a few years back. I got her doing the voices from it.. after buying her several bloody marys.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 16:43, Reply)

I never got her doing hi-de-hi, when I saw her all I could think was it's Penny Crayon.. My mate gave her a Glasgow City Council umbrella.. it was all very surreal
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 17:10, Reply)

"This music is Banal, trite and bad for you and it is not psychodelic it is MINDNARROWING."
Pink Floyd - DSOTM
"Don't make the mistake of buying this boring album, get any of these albums insted.
MARK KNOPFLER SOLO STUFF, FOREIGNER"
Lou Reed - Transformer
"First of all, it's not very good."
Sex Pistols - Never mind the bollocks
"When I think of the sex pistols, I think the Monkeys did it better as a boy band."
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 15:23, Reply)

"I never received this item even though they took my money. It took me 3 e-mails with a threat to dispute the charge before anyone even answered me. I still do not have it and it is Christmas morning. How horrible. I will be disputing the charge with my credit card company. I only rated it at all because I couldn't submit the review without a rating, otherwise I wouldv'e given it zero."
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 15:25, Reply)

"I don't understand what the big deal is. Kevin Federline owns these guys. Buy his new CD instead. Not only is his music straight from the heart, he is also the greatest guitarist known to man, even better than Jimi Hendrix. Also, his lyrics and flow are untouchable, in the good way. "
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 15:40, Reply)

the members of green day themselves would think hes an idiot at that point
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 16:19, Reply)

"Sure! It was a good ending, but if the hero did it this way it would have saved a lot of time and made their life easier" (Thus defeating the whole point in the film)
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 15:05, Reply)

but i was more excited about the DivX desktop dimmer... "waaait, wheres my screen going... oooh i see. awesome!"
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 15:37, Reply)

Okay, so here we are! Posted this on /talk last night but rather neglected to actually /link it.
Porphyrophobia is a fear of purple, by the way... the guy it's about has purple hair.
LYRICS:
When you're looking for a someone
And then someone comes along
It never enters in your head
The thought that someone could be wrong
And they'll tell you that you're pretty
Put these thoughts inside your head
But you're never really special
You'll just realise you're average instead
And you'll try to wash away the crowd
Play your music far too loud
But everyone will just think that you're irritating
People-hating
Just another Single Mother offshoot when you're not
This lip gloss feels all funny, man I wish that I was shot
Through the heart with a dart, but I'm not, but I'm not, but I'm not.
And the someone that you know and love
Is sleeping at your place
And there's something in his hair
And there's something on your face
And you look him in the eyes
And then he's playing your guitar
And then you want to hold him close
But then he's getting in his car
And all the songs he played this morning
Were about people like me
That he'd fallen for or slept with
Or had gotten drunk and slept with, just like me
And I know I'm not that great,
There are things about you that I hate,
And I know that I'm annoying too
But mostly when I think of you
I feel like I am someone who is irritating
People-hating
Just another drunken lover, even if I'm not
Your hair is multicoloured and your eyes are all bloodshot
And I wish that I am special just like you, but I'm not, but I'm not.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 13:36, Reply)

and named it Hexachordal.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 14:03, Reply)

and much appreciated ^_^
*puts it in my profile, if Friz is okay with that*
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 15:50, Reply)

I do enjoy your music. What I like about it is the fact that you don't stress about to make you're songs go past the three minutes mark. So many bands try and do this by repeating their lyrics over and over (Scouting For Girls are a very big perpetrator of this). You however just sing your lyrics and finish the song. In a way, it makes you stand out. The one thing I would say is to make the vocals stand out a lot more- I appreciate the raw sound when you're singing it live and all at once, but I can hear the struggle in you're voice when you're trying to sing one lyric after the other. That said, the music still makes me happy.
/end of review.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 15:57, Reply)

it is nice when people tell you what's wrong (when accompanied by a couple of sentences of unadulterated praise)... I'ma remix and gaz you the link ^_^
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 15:59, Reply)

...but it turns out they're great. Hooray!
Of all the songs you've posted on here, I think the lyrics to this one are my favourite.
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 14:30, Reply)

This one's the first song of mine that's really come from the heart, so I think it's a lot more meaninful than many, but not emo, cause of the FUCKING UKULELE ^_^
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 15:51, Reply)

As it happens, ukulele is one of my top 3 favourite instruments, along with the double bass and the tuba. Now if you could get those two into a song as well you'd be a massive winner!
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 16:03, Reply)

but there's gonna be a pressing of 2,000 of them by... let's see... next monday! The 21st. I'll make a couple of posts around B3ta reminding people so you all get in early and can be assured you'll get a copy. :)
( , Sun 13 Jan 2008, 15:58, Reply)
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